Date: Tue, 17 Apr 2007 21:29:02 -0400
From: ppdanny@gmail.com
Subject: Corey's Dear Journal - 4

The events, names, story, places, occurrences in this store are all
fiction. Any information which can be traced to anyone is purely coincidence.
I have written this as if in the eyes of a young man, at the tender age of 21.
Each chapter will be in the form of a journal entry, as young Corey
adds events to his journal. If you have any comments or suggestions
you can email them to me at: ppdanny@gmail.com


Corey's Dear Journal!


Chapter 4: Falling for you


April 17, 2007:  I can't help how I feel

I was telling Chris today about my feelings for a person I might be
interested in dating. Then I went on further to explain to him that I
can't date that person, unless they are the person I am most
interested in dating. Right now, it isn't. It's still Chris. Chris
wants me to move on to my number 2 person and I was having a hard time
explaining to him exactly how I can't just do that. I had a hard time
explaining to him my feelings, so I emailed him. This would give me
the chance to speak from my heart, without me being interrupted so he
can read the message all at once. Below, I have put in what I wrote to
him... I am eagerly awaiting a reply. Although I really don't want him
to - things would sorta be easier if the said "There is 0% chance that
you and I will ever get together" - It would crush me if he said that,
but I would get over him a lot faster. Maybe a few weeks, instead of a
few months trying to figure things out.



I am having trouble with this, and I don't quite know how to say it.
Obviously I am falling for you. Whats not to fall for? You are one of
the sweetest guys I know. You have the ability to make me smile when I
am feeling down. You are the best friend a person could ever ask for.
You are sincere, and caring. You make me want to be a better person
than I am now. Yes, I feel like you are out of my league and I have
high hopes in liking you.

>From the getgo, you have mentioned that you are in an open
relationship. You elaborated further into that, and it  is something I
haven't forgotten. I respect that you are in a relationship and it is
because of that, that I hold back still a lot of comments I would make
to you. You are right now the only person I could possibly see myself
spending the rest of my life with. Although I dont know you well
enough to comit to that decision - I definately do want get to know
you for me to be able to. However, this is all greed. Its what I want:
you. Im not saying Im trying to make you mine - im trying to say I
want to be with you, or have a chance at being with you.

I would say youve given me a 95% turn down that you arent interested
in me. However - you make comments, small ones, every now and then
that says otherwise. I hold onto them like I would my own heart. They
give me belief, and hope that I can someday have the honour of being
called your boyfriend. As long as there is a chance, however small..
even if its 0.0000000000001% - I will consider you #1. I should learn
to get rid of my feelings, and be happy for you - and show my
affection in supporting you as a friend with what you want, instead of
what I want. I can do it, but it doesnt happen overnight.

Im sorry I have these feelings for you - it would make my life a lot
easier if I only felt friendship for you. I almost feel like Im
placing a burden on you - and for that Im sorry tooo. I haven't fallen
for you yet; the only way i can truly fall for you is to meet you in
person. Something I sometimes really want to do, and sometimes I
don't.

Sorry, once again.




Corey \