I read the words over and over again; hoping it wasn't real, hoping that it wasn't just some big joke. But it was real; this was no joke. Danny had found someone else, someone better than me in every way. He found someone who was better looking than me, someone who he could turn to when he was sad and get real help from, someone who he had a deep inner connection with, someone who wasn't me. That was it, we were all over, Danny was no longer my boyfriend, not even my friend anymore. It was just a clean break, for I would never see him again, and I hadn't even prepared for it. How could I just forget like he did, after all we've been through? I couldn't let go, and I didn't want to either. How could he do this to me?
The photograph dropped from my grasp and fell to the floor. I sank to me knees, tears welling up in my eyes and falling to the floor in two streams that created two separate but identical pools. I picked up the picture one last time before tossing it away forever, not sure of whether the words `Your ship has sailed' or the actual photograph hurt me more.
One written in red ink, very neatly written, almost as if Danny was writing it slowly, as if to savor every moment, every line and curve, cross and dot. Not a smudge to be seen, just blood red surrounded by perfect whiteness, nothingness. I envied how neat it was, looking like calligraphy or something, because usually when I wrote, being left handed, I would always screw up somehow, like writing slanted, or smudging, or getting ink on the side of my hand. I don't think any southpaw doesn't have that problem; many a time I wished I were right handed.
The other side a smug, crude representation of just how happy Danny really was now. The picture was taken yesterday, after the incident, I could tell because there was a slight red mark on Danny's face where I had slapped him. Now he just looked happy, peacefully happy, as if he had forgotten all about me and what I had accidentally, regretfully done to him and now this new boy, whoever he was, just gave him listlessness in the mind, body, and soul of some sort. I mean, how else could this sudden happiness and the dumping of me be explained. This boy brought Danny more pleasure than I ever had, more than I ever could. I just got a cold chill from looking at that other boy, having features in common with Zack. They had the same hair color and style, both had evil grins on their faces, both had the same black, piercing eyes. There was something very untrusting about him, and it wasn't the jealousy or rage speaking.
Within moments it just pained me too much to look at any part of what was in my hand any longer. Not those red words, or Danny's smile, or that boy's demonic features. I couldn't believe I lost him, I just couldn't. I thought Danny loved me, I thought he knew I loved him back more than anything, more than my parents, loved him so much as to believe he didn't kill his parents, loved him so much as to save his life from a drug addicted, knife wielding maniac! The air around me was getting thin, I couldn't breath, and my blood was pounding throughout my body. At first I though I was having a heart attack, but instead I found that I was having a scared adrenaline rush. I held the picture in my hands and ripped it all to shreds, every last part of it until I couldn't any longer, until there were just tens of pieces laying about the floor. When I was finished I fall backwards to catch my breath to see what I had done. Never before did I think I was capable of such things, tearing up a Polaroid photograph, something I'd ordinarily need scissors to do. Suddenly I didn't feel strong anymore, and even forgot how I in fact did rip it up in the first place. It didn't matter now, it was garbage anyway.
I picked up all of the pieces once I got my strength back and put it in the trash outside. Once I returned back inside, I noticed that bag was still there, the one with Danny's flowers and candy, which he had returned to me. No use in letting the candy go to waste, seeing as how depressed I was. I sighed deeply, took the candy box out of the bag, and loped up the stairs to my room.
I slumped down at my computer desk and checked my e-mail while eating the candy. As I received my messages, I kinda hoped that Danny had e-mailed me, apologizing for everything and telling me that he made a grave mistake, but I didn't see anything of that nature in my mailbox. I did see an e-mail from that Justin kid who lived in Texas. It was just a standard message, telling me and asking me how everything was going. I responded in short with a concise e-mail, telling him everything was fine, for I didn't want to break down in tears again while describing it and having it run through my mind again.
Accidentally I did think about it, everything, and I broke down in tears at my computer with candy all chocked up in my mouth. It was so hard to keep it out of my mind and it hurt so much. I had screwed up, big time. I made the biggest and most stupid mistake of my life, and this was how I was to pay for it, sitting at my computer and eating chocolate, not having a life. The problem was, I did have a life, a life that was worth nothing, nothing at all. Danny was my life, and now that he's out of my life I have nothing. What was the point of living if you had nothing?
I knew what I needed to do then. If I had nothing to live for, then I wouldn't live, plain and simple. No one would miss me at all, not my parents, not the friends that I don't have, and especially not Danny. If I died, and then I'd go to heaven and be reunited with Danny when he died, that would be the only way I'd ever get to be with him again. We'd be together forever then, and this stupid necklace that I have around my neck would mean something and have some credible value in it. It probably didn't mean anything to Danny anymore, but it sure as hell did to me, and I intended to keep us together forever. Maybe when I kill myself, Danny will kill himself out of grief because he realized how wrong he was and that he really, truly loved me. But if that were true, then I could get him back in time. I was giving myself a headache; this was all too much of an incubus for me. I know what would take my headache away now!
I unscrewed the chain on my necklace and took the entire thing off for the first time since I put it on two weeks ago. Should I write a note? No, whoever finds me will get the gist of it. I didn't care anyway; I didn't care about anything anymore except being with Danny. I gripped the `4 Ever' end of the necklace and pointed the sharp corners of the `R + D' near my wrist. If luck would have it, I would get to feel what warm pyrite felt like while digging into your skin. This is it people, the sick Richie saga will finally be over, for once people can be happy. There is no point in cruising for something that doesn't exist, like some wild goose chase. I lifted the necklace as I prepared to kill myself. I was preparing to myself. I was preparing to kill myself? What the fuck am I thinking! I quivered and my hands started to shakes. I became weak in the wrist and almost dropped the necklace on the floor, but I managed to save it just before it hit the floor.
All of a sudden a pain shot throughout my stomach and I dropped to the floor. I was feeling very queasy now. I got up and stumbled to the bathroom as fast as I could, then vomited up all of what I had eaten, which was chocolate, right into the toilet. When I was finished I flushed the toilet, then sank back against the tub to catch my breath while sobbing quietly, which was what I always did after throwing up. I wasn't sure whether I had eaten bad candy, or the thought of killing myself caused it, or it was just another grief stricken thing. On any note, I felt a little bit better, but still far from feeling like shit. I stood up and washed my mouth out, then went back into my room to pick up my necklace. Never again will I take it off, ever.
I put my necklace back on while still crouched down from picking it up when I noticed a white square out of the corner of my eye. Since my room is usually relatively clean, something on my floor strikes up my temporary curiosity. I picked it up. It was tough, not a piece of paper. It felt like the stuff they make photographs out of, but how did up end up here? It must have gotten attached to my pants somehow then fallen off. I stood back up and walked over to my trash pail to throw it out when I turned it over to notice what part of the picture it was. It was that boy, his face. I saw his evil grin again, that would now be forever stapled into my mind. If he thought that he could steal my Danny away from him, he was dead wrong.
I was out for revenge now, I couldn't let him win,
he didn't deserve Danny like I did, and he wasn't dedicated to him like
I was. I still had that bracelet for Danny that I wanted to give him. If
I just got a chance to be alone with him, and he let me speak and say how
sorry I was, maybe I could win him back once and for all, and the rest
of the summer would be ours. It would be hard to get him alone first, and
what if he didn't want to leave his current boyfriend? I had to just let
everything pan itself out. Digging up dirt on this kid might be nice, like
he kicks dogs or something, anything like that. I just needed something
to get me back into the picture and get this other punk exploited for who
he really is, because even though I hadn't met him yet, I still had this
strong feeling that he was bad news.
At around nine o'clock the next day, I left my house and started my mission. My initial plan was to follow Danny, who no doubt would be with that boy, and keep on their tails until they both separate, to which I would follow him home, or to wherever he goes, and try to see what bad things he does. I know it must seem lame, but I feel that if I find out something bad about him, then exploit it to Danny, they will either break up or just get into a large dispute. After that I would come to Danny's aid and sympathize which him, just as the kid had done with Danny to break us up. So in fact, I'd be giving him a taste of his own medicine.
If I tried to just go directly to Danny, I feared that he'd give me some bull about him having a new boyfriend and that he just couldn't dump him like that for me, even if Danny did forgive me and appreciate what I had done for him. In fact, that was the reason for Danny returning my nice gifts for him, he was under that punk's control, and that is why I must break them up first. A knight does not kill a sorcerer who is in a dragon form, but waits until he is in his original human form.
The reason I didn't go directly to Danny's house the previous day was because I needed to prepare everything, and because I needed more time. I could almost guarantee that Danny was already gone from his house for the rest of the day at noon. I mean, he had to drop the bag off at my house, and he wouldn't have gone back to his house; he probably would've gone to his new boyfriend's house or something. I needed to find my mother's binoculars for the mission. I wasn't a pervert, not by any means, but I still needed to see things up close if I was to attempt to be far away at all times. I felt that if I watched closely, as close as I could, I could spot and find out anything I wanted about the kid, maybe if I concentrated hard enough I could read lips as they talked. Oh, the possibilities.
I was surprised at how my parents were around me now. They weren't trying to get me hooked up with girls anymore, or sneaking pictures of naked girls into my room. Not that they had ever snuck pics of girls in my room, but for a time I suspected that they just might for the hell of it. My parents didn't act mad at me at all, they treated me more like an adult now, which was good. And also, they didn't treat me really differently either because of me being gay. I wasn't really paying much attention to my parents though, because my mind was more geared towards my ploy, yes the p word once again, even though I really hoped I won't need to make anymore ploys until me and Danny's wedding. Right now I was intent on doing my little superhero-spy thing.
I wouldn't be a superhero in this though, or a spy, but I sure as hell would feel like a spy. Spies do covert things, sneaking up on people and doing reconnaissance. I would need sunglasses, a hat, and clothes that covered up any features. I knew that Danny knew my body, every single part of it, so if I left just one freckle exposed accidentally, there was a chance I could be spotted. I had to be incognito, that's what I needed to have done with myself. The hat and sunglasses would cover my eyes and hair. Shaving would also make things a bit better. Sun block too, it'd change the color of my skin somewhat, make it shinier or whatever it does.
Once I had gathered up all of the things that I would need, I shaved quickly, then put sunscreen on my face. I wore shorts because it was so hot out, though I would rather have put pants on in order to cover up my legs, which Danny also knew well. The best shorts I could wear were the ones that I had worn the last two days; my other shorts were in the laundry anyhow. I decided to put some sunscreen on my legs; it couldn't hurt. Then I put my hat and sunglasses on, and put my binoculars in my pocket. It was one of those tiny pairs of binoculars that people took while travelling; they were very small.
I didn't eat breakfast that morning. Why bother risk needing to use the bathroom during my espionage phase? Nope, not even an apple or a banana or a glass of orange juice. I didn't even think my parents had real fruit in the house, I didn't eat any, so why should they buy it? And I didn't like orange juice, it was too tangy. I needed something really watered down and not so sweet (no, not that!), like iced tea. But I didn't even drink any iced tea either; my bladder system can't even hold a Dixie cup of liquids for a large amount of time. So I really didn't consume ANYTHING, just to be on the safe side.
At the given hour, I left the house with all of my things, plus the bracelet out of its case in my front pocket, because the case was too big to fit anywhere on my body, and I was already carrying enough things. Lastly, added to all of that, was one of those micro-cassette tape recorders, just to complete my spy attire. It fit into my pocket easily. If I had to carry anymore things, my pockets would have exploded. At least I didn't look weird with all those things in my pockets, being overloaded and all.
I walked over to Danny's house, actually to the curb at the end of the street that Danny's house was on, because I didn't want people to think I was on a stakeout outside of Danny's house. I mean, I really was on a stakeout, but I didn't want people to think that. So I sat down on the curb and rested, the nine o'clock sun heating my neck from behind me. Man it was hot out today; I'd be sweating in no time. I'd need water if it were to stay this hot out. Damn my infernal bladder system!
After sitting on the curb for ten minutes, I started to get bored. No one was coming out of the house. Danny couldn't have left already, could he? No, he couldn't have, he doesn't even wake up until ten o'clock. I know that deep inside he's still the same old Danny, who belongs to me, and that means that he wouldn't start getting up so early. What if he stayed over the other's kid's house? No, that was unlikely; if Danny had a household which was gay friendly, no one cared what happened there, and there was only one person in charge of the whole house who was out a lot, I'm sure they'd stay at THAT gold mine of a house. Ok, he was still in his house, I was pretty much sure of that.
Too bad Danny lived so deep in the suburbs, because no cars or people really walked by, which made waiting even more boring. The only sounds to be heard were the occasional chirping of birds. All of the electrical wires were underground, so I couldn't hear any electricity running, unless I was near a power box, which I wasn't. They usually had those things hidden in bushes so dogs wouldn't pee on them. It's weird being in a neighborhood without overhead power lines, because you can almost hear what you don't hear anymore, and that something is odd about the place. But nothing is odd, there just isn't anymore of that sound, sound that you got used to growing up until eventually you can't even pick the sound out of the quietness anymore. So when the sound isn't there anymore, you can realize that something is out of place. Of course, you'd have to be a pretty big lowlife in order to dwell on that idea, and it seems that I was dwelling on it for a good amount of time.
At times I thought about taking about my binoculars and looking into people's windows, but I figured that I was already being conspicuous enough. If I looked anymore suspicious I think that the paranoid people would have called the cops on me. Most of the people were either at work or still in bed anyhow. This was a rich neighborhood; you had to work in order to afford a house like those. I already looked enough like a goofball with that stupid hat and those dumb sunglasses on; I really didn't need a third item exposed for the time being to complete my idiot-lookingness.
After more waiting, maybe around 9:45 or so, I laid back on the curb and stared up at the sky, just letting my thoughts wander. Damn it was hot out; I could feel some beads of sweat starting to form on my armpits already. I hope I wouldn't smell or something, but I did use deodorant and soap in the shower this morning, just so I could be nice and clean for Danny, hopefully. I didn't know what I would do if this didn't work; it was my last shot at Danny for the time being, possibly forever. I just couldn't live another day without him. I needed to feel his touch, his love, his warmth; I needed anything from him, even just a smile, one smile. No, even eye contact, I just wanted him to look at me, and not have hatred, but love in his eyes, that is all, I won't need anything more. If everything I had and will give to him will make any of those things happen.
I eventually had to sit up because the sun on my face was beginning to perspire from the hot sun. Good thing I got eye protection or my eyes would have started sweating soon. When I was in my original upright position, I took a gander back at Danny's house. No one was coming out of it yet, but I did notice someone walking towards me from the other side of Danny's house. He was too far away to make out exactly, but I thought I noticed him having black hair. I had a hunch. I took out my binoculars quickly, removed my sunglasses, adjusted the binoculars to fit my eyes, and looked through them. Damn, out of focus, maybe I should have planned this more. I quickly took my eyes away from them and found the focus dial, then looked through them again, testing it on the house across the street from where I was sitting. When they were just right, I looked back at where the person where he was last scene walking, but I didn't see him anymore. Hmm, where did he go? I looked around a bit, then I saw him. He was waiting on someone's doorstep, Danny's doorstep! I recognized him now; it was most definitely he! I could see the evilness in him for real now, there was no mistaking it, and not opinionated at all. Just because he stole my boyfriend away from me didn't make him evil. No, I saw something else there, even if we were good friends, he and I, I still would have seen it.
He stood outside Danny's doorstep, knocking on his door once or twice, until the door opened and Danny stepped out. My heart skipped a beat, I almost moaned to myself out loud. He was so extravagant, my blond little angel. He must have gotten more and more sexy every single day. I couldn't control my hormones and I could feel myself getting a hard on right there. His creamy arms and legs, his nice butt, his everything else! Then I saw him smile, one of those big smiles he gave, which showed his molars, not that I could see his molars from where I was, but I could tell that boy could see them. My heart sank. He wasn't smiling at me at all; it was to that other boy. As I kept watching, I saw Danny look around, he didn't see me because I was kinda behind some bushes. Then he looked at the boy and gave him a small peck on the cheek. I almost wanted to cry from seeing that, it pained me so much. I tried so hard not to cry I had to stick to my mission. If I played my cards right, that would be me Danny was kissing soon enough.
I got my composure back then saw Danny walk off with the boy following. I noticed three things wrong with that picture right off the bat, and I knew for a fact it wasn't just hope getting in the way. First of all, he didn't kiss him back. I mean, even though they were out in the open during the day, I would have kissed Danny back if he got the strength to kiss me outside in the daytime. Second, as Danny started off I saw the boy turn and his face didn't look as if it was pleased, almost more like disgust. And third, I didn't see the boy look anywhere near Danny's nice, round butt. That was one of Danny's best physical assets, and he didn't take the time to look at it. Now, what kind of human being doesn't do any of those three things? I'll tell you who, someone who doesn't love Danny, someone who doesn't appreciate something good when they have it, and most of all, someone straight! That's what was wrong with the picture, that whole damn picture, he was straight! A wide grin flashed across my face. This was better than I thought. No, no it wasn't. I needed more proof. I couldn't just take some little itty bitty observations and use it as proof, I'd need some real stuff, and that's what I was going to find out. I was more at ease because of this though; I wouldn't have to win Danny back, this kid was already straight, and as far as I was concerned they were already broken up, I just needed to show Danny why. Yes, I was almost positive that I'd have him back in no time flat.
I followed behind them, walking covertly and stealthily. That was when I really felt like a secret agent. They didn't know I was following; yet I still was following. My ideas about this kid being straight were reinforced all along the walk. He never touched Danny; Danny was always the one to touch him, like putting his arm around him, the kid never did it back, ever. He acted more like he hated it than anything; he must've been homophobic. Why didn't Danny see it though? Was this kid some crush that Danny had all these years, and now is taking advantage of that? Well, no one takes advantage of my Danny! Good thing that Zack character didn't take advantage of him. Now that I thought about it, while following them to wherever they were going, keeping a good distance at all times, it looked to me as if the only difference between this kid and Zack was that this kid actually used Danny for his own personal gain. Zack just exploited Danny, and killed his parents. I mean, they had the same hair, same evil grin, same bad aura surrounding them, same everything, yet they were different. To me it looked as if Danny had some attractiveness to these kinds of guys. Physical attractiveness though, not mental or spiritual, like we did, still do though. I was the only one who Danny shared more mental traits and links with, which is why we were destined to be together forever.
Eventually they entered an arcade; I followed them inside, putting my sunglasses on. It wasn't an entirely large place, but it had this maze of arcades, and the place was packed with about fifty kids in it. When I entered I thought I lost them. I searched around somewhat and found them playing the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles arcade game. I went to a machine that was close but not too close, though still in range of seeing them, and start pretending to play. No use in wasting money now is there. I must have looked like an escaped mental patient, or at least one of those stupid little kids who think they are playing while they didn't even put money in the machine. The people who passed me didn't bother me a lot. Once or twice asked me what I was doing and I told them that I was playing, and then they just moved on. Nothing was happening with them; they were just playing like old chums, no glances or touches or anything like that.
I switched arcade games just so I wasn't loitering. I start pushing the buttons and moving the joystick around while looking back at the arcade the two were playing at. I saw the boy playing all by himself, but Danny was no where to be seen. If he was really in love with Danny, like me, he would have followed him and stuck with him, just like I would have done, just like I was doing right then. I looked around and didn't see him anywhere. I walked away from the arcade and stood out in the open, hoping that I could see where he went, but I didn't see him anywhere. This might be a good time to do my extra task of catching that kid in the act of acting straight.
I walked towards the game the kid was playing, slowly, silently, having no idea what I was doing or going to do. I started playing on the arcade machine that was adjacent to his, I mean I really played it. I put a quarter in and started playing. I was somewhat scared being around him, close to how I felt when I was around Zack. I thought this kid would have turned to me, known who I was, and beat me to a bloody pulp, but I knew that Danny didn't have any pictures of me to show him, and I was in disguise, so I was safe on all fronts.
I heard him cursing right next to me. I don't mean little swear words, I mean the big ones, as if he was reciting the seven dirty words you can't say on television. He swore so much at that poor arcade game; I almost wanted to run crying home to my mom and tattle on him. What gay kid swears like that? He sounded like some jock to me, some jock who just wanted to get blowjobs at the expense of getting a kiss from the most beautiful and sweetest boy on the planet. I'd need more than swears though; I need something golden, something incriminating. Better yet, I'd need something I could get on my tape recorder. Maybe if I had a conversation with him and talk about girls and stuff, then recorded what he said, it'd be convincing enough for Danny to have him believe that he was straight. No, that wouldn't do it, because if Danny were convinced this kid was gay, then of course he'd say stuff that a straight person would say in order to cover himself up. There had to be a way, any way!
All of a sudden some pretty girl walked up to him and kissed him on the cheek. Out of the corner of my eye I saw him smiling. I bet that if I had looked down I would've seen a tent in his pants. I had a feeling that this was gonna be it, that he would definitely give himself away somehow. This was my cue. I reached into my pants slowly, pretending to be paying attention to the game. I took out my tape recorder, pressed record, then hid it back into my pocket with just the part you speak into pointing out, directly towards the duo. I moved about a step sideways so I was closer to them and I'd pick up their voices more clearly, because there were plenty of other voices around.
"Hey, Hilary." The kid said.
"Hey Max, what are you doing here?" She said. Well, at least I have a name to call him.
"I'm here with one of my friends." Max said.
"Oh, well can you ditch him?"
"Now why would I want to do that?" He asked her.
"Well, remember what you wanted me to do?" She said in a lustrous voice.
"Oh, yeah, I remember. Sorry babe, but I just struck myself up a deal that will keep me set for life!" Max replied.
"Well, umm." She brought her voice down low to a whisper, even though I could hear it perfectly. "Think about this new deal. I'll do it for you, whenever you want, the best you have or will ever get." Max almost spit out the soda he was sipping from astonishment.
"What? I mean, you will?" He asked excitedly.
"Yep. You know, once I thought about what you had told me for a while, you were right, some girls just have to keep their mouths wrapped around something for a while in order to like it." Hilary's sexy voice was even making me kinda horny!
"Oh baby!" Max lowered his voice somewhat. "You're turning me on so much. Tell you what, you give me what I need right now, and I'll definitely make it up to you later on!"
"Hmm, ok deal! Sneak into the boy's bathroom and wait in the stall. I'll be right behind you."
"Ok!" I heard him kiss her right on the lips. "You won't regret this." Max turned to leave. I immediately turned away so they wouldn't know I was eavesdropping. "Oh, and by the way baby, don't kiss me right after the deed. I'm not some fag, so wash your mouth out real well first." Then he left towards the bathroom with Hilary following close behind. As soon as they were gone, mumbling the word `bastard' under my breath, I dug my tape recorder out of my pocket and found it still recording. I stopped the tape, rewound it, and played the entire sixty-five seconds of tape back from start to finish. Every sentence, every word, every breath that was traded between the duo was recorded perfectly, I had the evidence in the hand. Jackpot!
"Hey man, you gonna play?" Danny's voice came from behind me. Startled, I jumped. I fumbled with the tape recorder and quickly thrusted it back into my pocket. I turned around, keeping my face discreet. God, I hoped he wouldn't recognize me. I looked at him through my sunglasses and he smiled at me. I almost died on the spot. He had the sweetest smile ever. My heart was racing fast; I was at his mercy, what he wanted from me was in his discretion. Well, right now he wanted a game of whatever arcade we were at. I nodded my head to answer him and slipped a quarter into the machine. Street Fighter II? That's the game I was stationed at? Games of all games, why this one? The game Danny and I first met at. I didn't know if that came to mind for him, but it sure as hell did for me. I owed my life to this game; it brought the two of us together. And here I was, secretly playing it with him. I didn't want to talk during the game, but Danny did. Well, at least I got to hear his sweet voice some more. "I wonder where my friend went, he was supposed to be here, oh well." I just shrugged my shoulders. Speaking would have given away my voice to him. I couldn't concentrate on playing the game, even though I sucked already. Danny, the love of my life, was right next to me! I wanted to just stop playing, wrap my arms around him, and kiss him deeply on the lips. God, I just…needed him. Being this close to him, it brought back all of my needs and desires. I just reminded myself that I had evidence, and it would work. "You're not really good at this game you know." He laughed his lovely laugh. "That's ok though. The last person to play like you do is…is…" He got cut off though. Max yelled out to Danny about them having to leave. "But we just got here."
"Yeah but, you know…I need..." Max trailed off.
"I know? You need what?" He thought for a second, then it came to him, though I already knew what Max wanted from Danny. "Oh! That! Sure thing, dude!" He turned to me. "Sorry, gotta umm, feed the dog. Catch ya later!" Then they both left. That was odd, I thought that Hilary chick was gonna do the deed. Seconds later I saw Hilary rounding the corner from the bathroom looking pissed. She passed by me while babbling swears and how much of an asshole Max was. Well, I guess guys really do give better umm, whatever, better than girls do.
I followed Danny and Max back to Danny's house, hoping into super spy mode again so as not to be detected. I think I liked this whole spy thing a bit too much, maybe I was bound to be a secret agent one day; working for the government, listening in on secret Nazi and Communist conversations, stealing precious nuclear missile codes, and saving the president from mortal danger. I think I was watching a bit too much James Bond and Mission: Impossible and playing too much Metal Gear Solid on Playstation. Oh well, as long as it helped me become a better spy today, then I was happy. Hiding behind bushes and looking through binoculars at times did seem to become very me, though.
When they arrived at Danny's house, Max and Danny walked inside the house. I cursed myself; I had to stop them before Danny made a grave mistake! I ran up to the house, took a deep breath, swallowed my pride, and slowly turned the knob, hoping it was unlocked. Yes, unlocked! I turned it all the way and opened the door wide. I slowly, quietly stepped into the house. My heart was pounding a mile a minute; to say I was nervous and scared was a big understatement! But I had to do this though, for myself, and more important, for Danny. I crept up the stairs two at a time, wanting to get up there quickly, stealthly, and efficiently. I took my hat and sunglasses off so I could see better, I didn't wanna take a nasty fall now by doing something clumsy.
When I got to the top of the stairs I listened carefully in order to figure out which room Danny and Max were in, leaving my hat, sunglasses, and binoculars at the top of the steps. They were to the left of me! I ran down the hallway quietly and opened the door. Damn, a closet! I still heard voices though. Damn, where were they?
I listened in closely to what they were saying; it sounded like a struggle! From the muffled voices through the wall I heard things like "No!" and "Come on!" and "I don't want it like that!" Shit, I had to find them fast. I started to panic and freak out. I ran all around the hallway until I finally chose an arbitrary door and flung it wide open. I ran into the room and was shocked by the site I saw. It's hard to tell, but if I must, I must. Max was on the bed with Danny, forcing his hands and legs down with his stomach to the bed. Danny's face was nothing like I've ever seen. He was struggling hard but there was definite fear in his eyes. I was stunned, never before had I seen a site quite like this. He was doing this to Danny, my Danny! I slammed the door behind me and Max looked at me startled.
"Who the fuck are y…" He started to say, but he must have loosened his grip on Danny by accident because I saw Danny overpower him, flip around and use his feet to push him off the bed. That's my Danny, always the tough one. He fell backwards and landed against the wall. "Fuck you, faggot!" Max yelled at Danny.
He stirred up my rage. I was no longer afraid then. He just kept pushing my buttons more and more, and now I couldn't take it anymore. Adrenaline was running throughout my system. I walked right up to him, pulled him up by his collar and then gave him one of those hard uppercuts to the chin. He fell backwards on the floor, then got back up, cursed the both of us, and ran out, the door closing behind him furiously. I think he tripped on my hat at the top of the steps too as he left, because I heard him trip and then a bang. He wasn't knocked unconscious because the front door slammed momentarily after.
I let out a deep sigh and turned my head to Danny
slowly. He wiped away the few tears that had formed in his eyes and sat
on the end of the bed, indifferently crossing his arms and looking down
at the floor sadly. I wanted to run over there and hold him, be with him
so badly, but I knew we still weren't ok, yet. I just stood there silently.
I thought about walking towards him but I still wanted to keep my distance,
I couldn't take anymore chances, I just needed him back, forever this time.
I couldn't bring myself to speak first, I just couldn't, and I wasn't strong
enough to. If Danny wanted me back he would get me back; if he didn't want
me back, well, that was the end of it. Please say something Danny, please
my love. I shifted my feet and his head cocked to look at me. His eyes
were indescribable. I didn't see his shiny, green gem color, instead I
saw this other look, something you'd have as if you wanted to say `How
could I have been so stupid' not with me though, but with Max. I knew the
feeling. My eyes met his; we just held eye contact. It wasn't about love,
just about knowing we were both in the room and existed.
"Richie…." He said softly, like a boy crying out for help.
"Danny…." I replied softly. He bit his lip as more tears welled up in his eyes, trying not to cry.
"I…the arcade…you were there. I knew I recognized your shoes, and your hands, and your lips…" He trailed off, sobbing quietly and shortly. He almost made me want to cry as well. I didn't know what to do, no, I did know. I still had the tape recorder.
"Yeah, I was there." I took out the tape recorder and tossed it right next to him. "Watching over you, protecting you, because…" I didn't get to finish though. He took the tape recorder, rewound it, and played it, the entire thing. When it finished he just sighed and nodded his head, then tossed the tape recorder away from him.
"I should have known, I'm such an idiot!" He yelled out.
"No you're not." I said, trying to reassure him. He sighed and lowered his head.
"How would you know?" He said softly.
"Because, I never kissed an idiot before. And…I've only kissed who I love more than anything in the universe…which is you. I love you Danny." There, I said it. Please say it back, please. I needed his love so badly.
"An accident. I'm gay Danny." I said. He looked at me. At last I saw a sparkle in his eye. It was a small sparkle, but it was still there. "The boy…."
"My best friend, at least he was." He stood up and walked in front of his window. I wanted to touch him so bad, just one touch, one hug. "I came out to him after what happened. Then, apparently, he came out to me. I said that I had always had a crush on him. And, like the asshole that he was, told me back. Damn, I should have seen it like you saw it. Thanks…"
"You know it was nothing." I turned to look at me and a small smile escaped his mouth, which caused me to smile a little as well, but then his face turned serious.
"Oh God, I am so sorry about that. I never meant to hurt you, ever." I took some steps toward him, tears streaming down my wet face.
"No, I overreacted. With my parents and all, them hitting me all the time, and slapping me, it just brought back all those memories. And I found you, the one who I loved the most, doing it to me again." He wiped more tears from his eyes.
"I love you Danny, and I regret ever dong that to you. If I had known I wouldn't have laid a finger on you. The pain I've gone through in the last two days has been punishment enough. With you returning my things, and then that photograph…."
"Wait, wait. What photograph?" Danny didn't put the photograph in the bag? That means that he never really left me! Danny took a step closer to me. I few more inches and I could have been touching him.
"There was a photograph of you and Max in the bag, with your arm around him, and on the bag there were words written very neatly." Danny had a perplexed face.
"That was an old picture, from like two months ago. That was Max's picture, he must have slipped it in there. Fucking bastard!" For a moment I thought he was yelling at me again, good thing I knew better though. "And his mom made him take calligraphy after school to earn extra credits. I can't write neatly, I'm left handed. Umm, what did he write?"
"Your ship has sailed." I looked down at the ground, not wanting to remember those words that pained me so much.
"Damn it! I never wanted any of this. I never wanted him to hurt you, not like that. I can't believe he did that to you." He sighed and looked out the window to his backyard. There was an interesting tree with birds and bees flying around it right in the middle of the yard. The tree was shaped weirdly, which made in something you would look at, because it stands out so much, being the only tree in Danny's yard, save for the bushes surrounding it. "Of course…I still returned those things from you. It was his idea though. Now I messed everything up." He turned around again and looked at me with those wet eyes that just pierced my heart. "Can you ever forgive me?"
"Only if you can forgive me." He didn't say anything, and just returned to the window. I only had one thing left to give him, which he would either reject or accept. I took one last step towards him so I was almost right behind him; he didn't seem to hear me. I reached into my pocket and found the bracelet that I had bought for him, and as luck would have it, the note that came with the flowers that I had written out just for him. The two went hand-in-hand perfectly. I hold those two things in one hand, and with the other I lightly held onto his shoulder. He didn't turn around, or even flinch, as if expecting it, or wanting it, which I was hoping the most. I was frozen in that position, not wanting to take my hand off or offer him the bracelet yet. I wanted to feel him for as long as possible if this might be the last time I will ever get to, just in case he didn't take me back.
Finally, getting up the courage to, even if it meant I wouldn't be able to feel him again, I held out the bracelet and note in front of him. He read the note, examined the bracelet, read the inscription on the bracelet, and then did nothing. At first I thought he was rejecting it, but then I felt his soft hand on top of mine that was on his shoulder. He clutched it tightly and let our hands fall from his shoulder. I held his hand back and looked into his eyes, which regained their sparkle again.
"You forgive me?" I asked, hoping he would say yes. Him holding my hand was already mending my heart together rapidly. Don't stop now, don't be teasing me. His eyes gazed back into mine.
"Oh, it's always been you Richie. Even when I was with Max, it's always been you. I loved you the moment I saw you, and I knew deep in my heart that you'd be mine, and we'd be together forever." He smiled, which caused me to smile back. On the inside my heart was jumping for joy, I finally had something to live for again; I had my Danny back. I took the bracelet from his grasp and helped put it on his wrist. "A perfect fit."
"You must be Cinderella." I giggled. I couldn't remember the last time I had been so happy.
"Come here my prince." He took the last step towards me, dropped the card he was holding and wrapped his arms around my neck and kissed me deeply in just one long, loving kiss. I could feel both of our hearts beating rapidly; I was complete again. I let my hands rest on his beautiful waist while kissing him back, just enjoying what I had back again, not taking anything for granted anymore. When our lips finally parted, our eyes met again, both of us unable to cease our smiling.
"I love you Daniel Truman. I never want to be apart from you for as long as I live." I whispered softly.
"I love you too Richard Goldstein. And I wouldn't have it any other way." He whispered back, bringing his lips back to mine in an even sweeter kiss, with a hint of tongue, too. We both moaned softly as we continued kissing, him leading me to his bed, our bed. Our shoes and socks magically flew off and we rolled onto the center of the bed while we were immersed in a hot French kiss without any signs of stopping, kicking the tape recorder off of the bed at the same time. At this point I was so hard that campers could pitch a tent over my hard on. We both removed each other's shirts and I felt his smooth chest with my hand. I broke our kiss and I moved down on his chest so I could suck on his lovely nipples, something I missed doing so much. I wrapped my lips around then one at a time and flicked them with my tongue slightly. My reward was getting to hear his nice laugh and lovely moan at the same time. I kissed all the way down his chest and stomach, then started to unbutton his pants when he stopped me.
Danny pulled me up to him again, switched our positions so he was on top, and started kissing me more furiously than ever before while grinding into me hard. I felt his hard crotch grind against mine. I thought I was going to faint I was so hot. He started kissing my neck and sucking on it with his vacuum lips. I closed my eyes so my enjoyment of his sweet lips on my neck was multiplied by a billion. All of a sudden I felt my pants and boxers slipping off. I didn't even notice he was loosening them on me. My hands found their way to his button and zipper and I slipped his pants and boxers off in one sweep as well, feeling his cute butt cheeks as I undressed him all the way and we were both stark naked. Danny brought his lips back to mine and I allowed my tongue to slip into his mouth as I cupped his butt and pushed myself into him harder while as was grinding his hard cock against mine. I felt his tongue lapping against mine and that just made things hotter for me, I knew I couldn't hold out for much longer. He started moaning loudly, meaning that he was feeling his orgasm building up; I knew my Danny well. Our legs were intertwined around each other's, connecting us even more, though I wanted us to be closer and closer together. His hands reached down to grasp my butt cheeks, using them to push him against me even harder. I knew I couldn't hold out any longer, and neither could he. My heart was racing a mile a minute, feeling in sync with his heart, too. I moaned out Danny's name in between breaths for air, and Danny followed suit as well.
When I thought I was going to go over the edge, due to Danny's love, his passion, his warmth, everything that I had wanted from him all this time, and now was mine again, he just stopped. He stopped kissing me; we both did, at the same time. We continued grinding at a steady pace now, not like a pair of horny monkeys, and just stared into each other's eyes deeply, getting lost in them. This wasn't even about getting off anymore, it was about love. Our insatiable love for each other. As our orgasms got nearer and nearer, we didn't make any sounds, and didn't make anymore movements. No moans, or groans, no kisses, or anything. Just deep, loving staring. Our lips were so close that a slight bump would have brought them together, but still we kept them apart, using our love to reinforce our willpower. At last we brought each other over the edge and had the most silent, but infinitely beautiful climax. A rush of love and compassion surged throughout my body, not like any orgasm I had ever had, which was always filled with lust. But this time is was love, pure love in its truest form.
When it was all over, Danny rested his head on my shoulder and exchanged a few simple kisses with me while we cuddled close and comfortable into each other. No words were spoken between us; we just went through something that proved how interconnected our souls really were, words couldn't express what it really, truly was though. What I was feeling couldn't even be described, it was like I finally knew the answers to everything in the universe; we both did. It was as if I realized that I was no longer cruising for love the entire time, but just letting love cruise for me. It didn't even involve my heart anymore, it was much more than that. It was my mind, my spirit, all of the feelings that I had ever felt before, they were Danny's now, and his were mine. We were each other's keepers.
Eventually we both fell deeply asleep under his nice covers in Danny's queen sized bed. I could be held accountable though; Danny just brought me so much inner peace. He cleared my thoughts, washing away the worries and old memories and replacing them with new ones, ones that you'd want to remember for the rest of your life, and in death.
When I opened my eyes again, I found myself in a dark room, all alone on my bed. At first I though it had all happened again, and I started to get worried, but then I looked and saw the only thing there was to see in the room. Danny was standing in front of his window again, still naked, with the moonlight shining directly onto his body. I had to bask in the site, for he looked like a god, better yet, an angel. I stirred in the bed and he turned to see me awake. He smiled and walked over and pulled me out of the bed with his hands in mine. He walked me over to the window and stood behind me, his chest pressed against my back and his arms wrapped around my waist tightly. He kissed my cheek and rested his chin on my shoulder while swaying with me gently.
"Look outside, love. What do you see?" He whispered into my ear.
"Well, I see the moon, and the stars, and all of them reflecting off of that large tree right in the middle of your yard. The tree looks better now than it did in the daytime. It looked almost horrid compared to how it looks now." I answered softly. He kissed my cheek again.
"Exactly. During the day you can't even go near that ugly thing. There are bees waiting to sting ya, and wasps and mosquitoes, and birds getting in your hair. But now, in the night, everything is asleep, and the crickets come out a play their beautiful song while the tree is being lit up magnificently, like some Jekyll and Hyde thing. You know, you're the first person to ever watch it with me. I mean, I've only lived here a few days, but I used to visit a lot, and every single night I'd look upon this, just, beautiful magnificent piece of artwork created by God. And I would wish that I could stand right here with the person I that loved the most and have him see it the same way. I'd only look at it in the daytime when I was feeling horrible and lonely, just as a reminder that things would get better, given time. You know, I don't think I'll need to look at that tree in the daytime for a while, a long while. And even at night I'd have the most beautiful thing on earth right here in my arms. Make love to me, Richie."
"Marry me, Danny." I responded involuntarily.
"Make love to me and I'll marry you." He whispered happily.
"Marry me and I'll make love to you." I replied softly.
"Baby, you know I'll marry you." He giggled, kissing my shoulder gently.
"And you know I'll make love to you, honey bun." I whispered back. His hand grazed my crotch, hardening it immediately.
"What are we waiting for then?" He gave my cock some playful strokes
"You're right, I'm through waiting. Eternity
is a long time to do everything you've ever wanted to do with the one you
love the most." I turned around, looked him in the eyes while smiling,
and kissed him on the lips deeply. He closed his eyes and moaned as I kissed
him, surrendering his body to me. Then we both ran back to the bed, giggling
like the kids we were, where we would show our love for each other again
and again for the rest of our lives.
Well, that's it for ya. You could call these first 11 chapters of Cruising for Love a book, maybe I could get it published one day. Just to remind all of you, Cruising for Love is take a large vacation, and I think they deserve it, don't you? As always, tell me how much you enjoyed this. If you really really liked it and I get enough responces from you all, I will consider doing lots more chapters with new characters and crazy new events and situations for Richie and Danny to get mixed up in. All comments strongly appreciated. Oh, and by the way, I named the character Hilary after the chick who just won Best Actress at the Academy Awards for Boys Don't Cry. Please visit my homepage, you'll die for it! :)
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