Today was a good day for me. I never thought that the moment would come in which I would stop crying and hope would be relifted in me again. It came 3 days before the cruise was over, right after lunch. I was in my room, which was my parent's room as well; I was alone. I was still a bit hungry, because I barely touched my lunch. I picked up the phone in my room and ordered a ham sandwich and hot chocolate. A couple minutes later I heard a knock at my door. When I opened the door no one was there but on the floor was a tray with a large round cover on one side, two cups, 2 packets on hot chocolate, and a hug of hot water. I carefully picked it up and rested it on my dresser. I lifted the cover to find my sandwich on a plate. I lifted the sandwich up and was about to take a bite out of it, but something was odd. Call it precognition, but I opened up the sandwich to see what was inside. Must've been my lucky ESP day, because a folded piece of paper was right in the middle of it. I took the paper out and threw my sandwich down. I hastily unfolded the paper and read what was written.
"I'm still wearing it, my dad hit me again, but I'm still wearing it. I miss you, my love. I hope you're not mad at me. Party tonight at 10, stay in your room, don't worry. Leave something visible outside your door so I know you are in there, that the coast is clear, and that you got my note. This was hard enough to send to you, but I did it! XOXO", the note said, signed with a 'D' at the bottom. I held the note close to my heart, Danny had finally done it! I thought about telling Amber, but I was too much in awe. After too many days without speaking to me, he finally made contact with me! I remembered how to smile again. I looked down at my necklace, which I hadn't taken off either, and didn't shed a tear. I poured myself some hot chocolate, sat down on my bed, and drank it slowly. I had been drinking it all week to make me tranquil, I wanted to sleep again so I could meet with Danny quicker. I finished the drink and layed down on my bed. I was actually resting now. These last few days had been so hard on me, it was almost funny to think of what had been happening, and to see me now, actually smiling. Geez, so many things happened, I didn't even care anymore. Where did it all go awol on me? I drifted off to sleep, pondering my question.
"You really screwed up this time!", my father screamed at me. I didn't move one damn muscle, I though he would hit me if I did. I was sitting down on my parents' bed in their cabin, me only wearing a towel, drying off.
"I know I did, don't you think I know that?" I said, wiping all the tears I could from my eyes. "I'm sorry, dad."
"You'd better be fucking sorry! They fined us, we had to give your room up to pay for it! You're lucky, we just barely saved ourselves from getting kicked off of here! You've ruined our only vacation for the year, you're gay, and I'm really disappointed in you! My vacation isn't over yet, yours, as far as I'm concerned, IS! " He yelled at me and meant every word of it. I accidentally brought attention to my necklace my stroking it lightly, hoping it would give me strength. I looked up at my father quickly, his eyes were so cold. He was gonna be mad at me for a long time, but what of it? I didn't know how Danny was doing. I could only imagine the utter pain he had to bear from HIS father. The thought of him geing beaten to a bloody pulp ate me up inside, it sickened me. I heard the shriek of my father's voice once again, forcing me to stop thinking about my boyfriend, if he still was. "As for your little boytoy, I forbid you to ever see him again, EVER! Not during this cruise, not after the cruise, not even on the telephone! Do you understand me Richard?" His face was as red as blood. I hoped it was all gonna be over soon.
"Yes, sir", I whispered.
"Good", he lowered his voice. He threw me my clothes. "I'm going to talk to your mother now, I'll be back in about an hour, then you're going to bed. When I get back, I want you cleaned up. Understood?"
"Yes, dad.", I said. He let out a sigh.
"Goodbye then. Do not, I repeat, do not, leave this room." He started towards the door and opened it, be spoke one more time before he left, "And take that stupid thing off, it makes you look like a girl." Then he left. I looked at my necklace again.
"Never." I said. I went into the bathroom and took a cool shower. What the fuck just happened? My whole world was crashing down on me. I was forbidden to see the one I loved the most? It was right out of some Shakespearean play! Danny! O Danny! Where art thou Danny? I couldn't take it anymore and I burst out crying. I couldn't live without feeling him, not breathe without hearing his voice, not see without being able to see him back. Oh Danny, if only you could hear me. I started mumbling to myself like a bum on the street. Maybe he could hear me. Our souls were intertwined together, souls can hear each other, right? RIGHT? Yes, of course they can. Danny, please let me know you're ok. A phone call to my room form yours, a smile when I see you, heck, even a note in my sandwich! Come on! I started banging on the shower walls. Someone banged back and I got freaked out and ran out of the shower scared. I toweled off and got back dressed quickly. I mumbled some more and collasped on my cot/bed crying, hitting my sheets and screaming, "No, no, no!" I eventually got worn out and cried myself to sleep.
I woke up the next morning alone. No one to sleep with me in my bed, no one sleeping in my room actually. I was all alone again. I glanced at the door, there was a note on it. A note from Danny! I ran to the door and ripped the note off to read it.
"You missed breakfast, don't leave room until we come back.", the note said. Not wanting to cause antmore trouble for the time being, I stayed put. I didn't know what to do in my room, so I decided to turn on the tv to one of the movie channels. Batman & Robin again? Crap, I really loathed that movie. Not being able to bear it anymore, I turned to the other movie channel. A Time to Kill, hmm. Well, it wasn't that boring, and it sure as hell wasn't Batman & Robin, so I stuck with it. After a while my stomach was growling at me. I ordered a ham sandwhich and some hot chocolate, my favorites, from room service. It was there in minutes and in no time I was scarfing was drinking it all down as if it was my last good meal ever. As I finished, I heard the phone ring. Damn, that is an annoying sound, oh well. I started to slowly get up from my seat. Wait, was if it's Danny calling me? This made me light up and I ran to the phone. Yes, it had to be him, right?
"Hello?", I said as I picked up the phone. I waited for a response.
I waited some more. There was a light weeping at the other end.
"Danny? Danny!?", I yelled into the phone.
"Richie... I..... I can't stay on for... long.", Danny said. His voice was trembling and he was sniffling a lot.
"Danny, I......", I was cut off.
"Oh shit", he whispered. "Oh shit! My dad is back! He's going to hit me again if I don't hang up right now.", his speech got much faster. "I'd just like to say that I'm sorry and I love you." He hung up quickly, I was left listening to a dial tone. I slammed the phone down and crouched against the wall crying. My head was buried in my lap. Was I crying because Danny was in trouble? Was it because we may never see each other again? Or because he was in pain? Maybe it was all culmanitive to that, but what hurt most was that I couldn't do a goddamn thing, lest I be hurt and in more trouble as well. What would I do anyways? Waltz right into his room and beat his father to a bloody pulp? I'd be lying if I said that I would never do that. In fact, that was exactly what I felt like doing. Then, I would kiss Danny over and over again and we'd steal a lifeboat and sail away to freedom. Err.... it sounded feasible at the time. Funny how your mind's perfect logic works sometimes.All of a sudden my mother walked in, without my dad. It was the first time I had seen her since I was arrested.
"Say what you're going to say now, then go away." I tried to hide my tears, but I was weeping and sobbing so there was no point. My mom sat at the foot of my bed.
"Richie." He sighed. "Where did it all go wrong with you? What caused you to do this?"
"Caused me to what?" I knew what the answer was, but I wanted HER to say it, so I could counter it with everything I had.
"Caused you.... to be.... like this.", her voice was said in a soothing fashion; she was trying to change me, I knew it. My dad sent her in to make me forget about Danny.
"Nothing CAUSED me to be this way, mom. It was my choice. No one changed me, I was always like this."
"And that causes you to do stupid things I guess."
"No, that was a mistake, I've learned since then.", I said. She let out a sigh of relief.
"So you'll never.... be with.... Danny again, in that way. Good!" She sounded perky now. What the fuck?
"No, the jacuzzi was a mistake, Danny was NEVER a mistake." I pulled my necklace from my shirt, it was previously hidden under it so my parents would think that I took it off a while ago. "See this?" My mom looking downwards in disappointment.
"I see. Well, this will not do at all......."
"What do you mean not do?!", my voice rose up at her. "What is so repelling that makes you like this towards me? If it was that little mishap, then I'm sorry, that was dumb and a mistake, but it wasn't caused by THIS. It would've happened if I her with a girl, too! But this, this will never change in me. NEVER! If you resent Danny for it, you resent me and my life. Danny is my life mom! I won't betray him, I have more wits than you think." She was silent, in deep thought. I had gotten to her.
"I don't know what to say Richard.", she said after a long silence. I shook my head.
"I don't expect you to say anything. Obviously you don't understand, and for that I'm sorry.", I felt like I needed to get to her somehow, reach up to her guilt bell and start ringing it. She let out a sigh and stood up and headed for the door.
"I guess you don't love us anymore." , she said without tone in her voice, not facing me. Then she walked out without turning back. Yeah, she was trying to make me feel guilty. She would never win, she just didn't know it yet.
"Naive bitch", I whispered to myself, then fell back into the bed to rest.
Dinner time rolled around. Of course I didn't expect Danny or his parents to be sitting at our usual table, but guess what? They were not there! Wow! As we walked towards our table, I looked around for Danny. He wasn't there. Where was he? Did he get off the ship? Too weak to move because of beatings from his father? Just in another seat? I glanced around the entire room quickly, Danny was no where to be seen, I was getting worried even more about him by the second. We sat down at our empty table, my parents were yaking to eat other as if nothing had ever happened. Of course, I didn't talk to them, nor them to me, I was content with that. After a couple minutes of that, some people I had never seen before sat at our table. My parents greeted them, a man, wive, and daughter about my age, with hugs. I was at the end of the table, while the girl, Amber, was sitting next to me, and her mother was the the other end, next to her. Amber was a beautiful girl, from her gorgeous hips, to her perfect face. She had it all, and probably any man she wanted. Her face turned to mine and I just stared down, blushing. I quickly looked up at my parents who were smiling at us. Then she started to talk to me.
"Hi Richie, I've heard lots about you from your parents.", she said in a delicate voice. I nodded. "So, what do you like to do for fun?"
"Well, skateboarding, surfing, riding my bicycle, hanging out.......", I said, being cut off by her.
"Oh cool! Surfing is muy coolio! My ex-boyfriend surfed a lot." She frowned a little bit.
"Sorry to hear that, may I ask what happened?", I asked.
"He was gay.", she said quickly. That blew me away.
"What? He was gay?", I asked as if I didn't hear her the first time.
"Yeah, you know, a fairy, drag queen, pillow biter, fag, queer, GAY." She talked so happily and unbothered, like the words weren't even harsh words, just words that truthfully described gays.
"I see.....", for some reason I had a feeling that it was Danny, dunno why, but I do.
"Oh, you wouldn't know him, Justin Friers, lives all the way out in Florida with me, poor guy." Her voice sounded depressed all of a sudden, it sparked my interest.
"What do you mean? Did something happen to him?", I asked innocently. Of course, she wouldn't break up with a gay guy and then have sorrow for him, something DID happen. She nodded in response, then spoke. She brought her voice down lower so our parents wouldn't be able to hear it, but of course, they were al chatting away with parent stuff; my mom still glanced at us talking and smiled every once and a while.
"He was beat up pretty bad."
"By a bully?"
"No, a teacher. Came in with a razor or something, I only heard rumors as to what he used, but it was sharp and able to cut up his arms, stomach, and legs without causing any permanent damage, save for a few deep scars here and there. Justin was left in the school to die, bleeding all over, his face bloody from punches. He crawled to the main office and called for help. He was in the hospital for about 2 weeks, then they slapped a bunch of lawsuits on the teacher, school, and state. I don't think the trial has been set yet, but he's definately gonna be pretty wealthy when it's all over. He's had it really hard, he deserves it if he can win in court. Well, that about explains it, but enough about him......", Amber said. She stopped when she looked at me and saw a tear in my eye, then another one.
"Huh? Oh, I'm sorry, I guess my emotions got a bit carried away." I faked a smile. She held my hand.
"It's ok Richie, it's just some fag, let's forget all about it." I sqeezed her hand, no, I choked her hand until he was squirming away from me. "What did I do?" I stood up from the table.
"You're making me betray him, I won't let you! Or any of you! I'm not an moron......." I shreiked to Amber and my parents. I was right. I just walked away. Checked my necklace, still on, good. When I cleared the dining room I went into the elevator lobby and went into an empty elevator. I pushed my floor button, the doors closed but Amber sqeezed her tiny body inside before they closed all the way. Great, just great.
"What did I do?", she asked, almost crying.
"You didn't do anything, Amber. It was me, and my parents.......", I said, trying to it explain to her without having to tell her about Danny.
"Why don't you like me?", she asked, now her eyes were teary eyed.
"I like you."
"Really?", she said, then tried to hold my hand, I pulled away fast.
"No, not in that way, I'm sorry.", I said, trying to be soothing, she got all teary eyed again.
"Well why not? Aren't I beautiful enough for you?", I didn't have time for this shit, I wanted Danny so badly now, not some chick.
"Of course you're beautiful, but my heart is somewhere else now, I.... I just can't."
"Of course you can, forget about Danny, he's out of your life forever, make your parents happy already!", she snapped at me. What the hell? How did she know about Danny? Why was she telling me to make my parents happy? She only knew me for a half-hour now, and was telling me what was best. Then, it all dawned on me. The door of logic opened up to me, I knew what was going on now.
"My parents told you to come on to me. They want to make me like a girl." I said. She sighed and slummed against the wall.
"Shit.... your parents wanted me to put my charms on you so you'd forget about some boy named Danny, they are really distressed about all this.", she confessed to me. Holy shit! My parents had the nerve to send beautiful girl to hit on me so I'd forget about Danny.
"Too freakin bad for them, you can just go back out there and tell them that I will never change, so they will have to get used to it.", I said monotonal. She rolled her eyes and pressed the button to open the doors of the elevator.
"Whatever. Well, cyah around I guess." She walked out and back into the dining room. I felt like calling out 'bye' to her but I just didn't care anymore, I needed Danny, I wanted to know if he was ok. I returned to my room and ordered up another sandwich and hot chocolate from room service, that was all I craved anymore. When I got finished I walked around the ship for about 2 hours thinking about Danny, dreaming about Danny, worrying about Danny, and looking for Danny. I loved him so freaking much, and I didn't wanna lose him. Just one glance, one glance of him was all I wanted. Hearing 5 seconds of his voice on the phone earlier wasn't enough. Geez, evidence that he was anywhere would have been better! I felt so trapped. I wish I wasn't on this fucking cruise anymore!
5:30, right before dinner time. I woke up in sweat. That all happened in one damn day? Wow! How did I ever survive that? Well, at least the hardest part was over now. Those two days must've been the worst in my life. Ironic how they were right next to the best days of my life........
The rest of that week was pretty uneventful. I went and looked around Mexico with my parents when the day came, of course I was looking for Danny the entire time, and I think I saw the back of his head for a moment, but it might've been my over active imagination. I said more than a couple words to them each day. They eventually got softer on me, stopped commenting on my crying in my sleep, didn't insist I take 'that gay necklace' off anymore, didn't force me to talk to Amber at dinner anymore, didn't complain when I ordered sandwiches and hot chocolate day and night anymore. I think I finally got through to them that this choice of mine of unchangable and that they'd have to adapt to it. Me and Amber became kinda good friends. I wouldn't flirt with her or nothing, and she didn't try to, but we still talked about this and that, and she would listen when I talked about Danny. She was a good friend.
Zack had become unexistant as far as I knew. I passed him once or twice in the halls, but I was too afraid to make eye contact with him. Actually, Amber told me that she made out with him one day and now they are dating, and they could because they both lived close to each other. What a world! At dinner time my parents were surprised that I actually ate at the dinner table instead of in my room and was actually smiling a bit. Amber inquired about it and after dinner I showed her the note. She told me that she'd keep my parents away from my room for as long as possible. If I knew Danny, I knew that he had a private place for just the two of us.
Amber and I returned to my room to prepare everything. She gave me a flower that she found while in Mexico, one of a very few that could be found there. It was a very unusual one, white with purple stripes on it, very weird, but romantic. She also dressed me nicely (no she didn't see me naked) and did my hair. We cleaned the bed up as well jst in case Danny and I would be busy there. After we were all done she gave me a light hug and left. Funny, that was the first time Amber touched me this that time in the elevator a couple days ago.
9:30 rolled around. I acted like normal and watched some tv and didn't give away my excitement while my parents were getting ready for the party. The party was expected to last two hours. I laughed at that. With my parents, it would definately be 3, maybe 4 hours long.
9:50, my parents left for the party. It was all the way on the other side of the ship, in a big party room, I wouldn't see them for quite a while. I was all ready for Danny. No, I wasn't! I forgot to leave something outside the door for him to see, but what to put? My necklace? No, that would never leave my body. His note? No, someone could read it. The flower? Naa, then people would get some idea of what was going on in the room. Hmm.... what to place outside my door? I got it! I tray and food from lunch. I hadn't touched the sandwich, and he'd know why cuz the note was inside it. Perfect! I quickly picked up my tray and placed it on the ground right outside my door. I sat down on the bed with the flower delicately in my hand. I realized that I had been smiling for quite a while now without realizing it.
10:01, was I staring at my clock or something the whole time? I must've. I brushed myself lightly and made last minute adjustments on my hair. I smelled my flower, it smelled nice.
10:03, I heard a knock at my door. I opened
it slowly and embraced my lover for the first time in a what seemed like
*Halloween music plays* *Jamie Lee enters* Oops! Wrong story hehehe! Well, you'll have to wait for CFL-5 to see the outcome, and cum they shall! Don't worry! The bad, boring stuff is over, lots more sex, kissing, and hugging, and that's what we all like now isn't it? PLEASE tell me what you thought by e-mail, ICQ, AOL IM, coming to my house stark naked, whatever!
AOL IM: Doom03