Date: Tue, 01 Mar 2005 21:05:26 -0500 From: Damien Seul Subject: Damiens Journal #5 Disclaimer: This story was eventually to be about the relationship between two gay teenaged boys. But there is no need to worry about homosexual relations now. This chapter will tell you why. The names have been changed but the events are mostly true. If it is illegal to view such material in your area, please leave now. Nifty;'Damien's Journal #5'{Damien Seul}( BB real teen2 slow )[5!5] AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is, unfortunetly, the last chapter of Damien's Journal. Love sucks. Unfortunetly, life goes on and you'll all see why. This chapter will be extremely short Previously: Tomorrow marks the first day I'll see him after the running of our play. I'll have to ask him if he can find time now. I guess I'll find more answers tomorrow. Until tomorrow, journal, I'll wonder and maybe dream about what could have been. Damien's Journal (c) 2005 Damien Seul Well, I was wrong. I didn't go to school all week. Monday we had a snow day. Then Tuesday through Thursday I was extremely sick. Friday was my first day back and everything had really died down. Not much happened until the next weekend after band festival. The day after festival, myself and 2 other friends were driving around, bored out of their minds. I called up Aaron and invited him along. By this time, I had decided that I was very much over him. So I just wanted a cuddle buddy so that my friends wouldn't feel so awkward making out. (They were dating.) He completely got the wrong message and thought that I was coming on to him. That was very awkward. The two "couples" in the car split and the driver went to drive somewhere else. I climbed into the back with his girlfriend and talked to her for a while. The rest of that night consisted of her and I talking in the back seat, cuddling because I didn't get to cuddle with anyone while we were parked, and then me laying by myself in the back. I went home and had to sleep with my pillow clutched close to my chest again. Sunday came and went and before I know it, it was Monday. I had decided to write him a note explaining some of my concerns to him. I gave it to him and he never said a word about it. The next day we had a huge snow storm, school was cancelled. I got to talking to a few people online and suddenly he came online. I was a little upset with him because he still hadn't talked to me about the note. I started a conversation with him. It went something like this: Damien (12:00pm) : so.. do you just not want to talk to me anymore? Damien (12:03pm) : apparently not Aaron (12:03pm) : ???????????????????????????????????????????????? Damien (12:03pm) : you've barely said 2 words to me since Saturday. Aaron (12:04PM) : ...so... i havent had a chance to Damien (12:04pm) : it's been almost 3 days Aaron (12:05pm) : whats your point Damien (12:05pm) : apparently you didn't read the note or you would already know my point Aaron (12:06pm) : WHATS GOING ON WITH ME IS MY BUSINESS ( I REALLY DON'T CARE ABOUT SATURDAY) Damien (12:06pm) : there just never seems to be any way to get through to you Damien (12:06pm) : do you not understand that your friends care about you? Aaron (12:06pm) : ITS MY SPIRITUAL BUSINESS, STUFF THAT ONLY I CAN DO... ( If you'd read Brownie Points, you'd know that he's Wiccan. ) Damien (12:08pm) : in all honesty, I feel like I knew you much better back during Li'l Abner Aaron (12:09pm) : well then you didnt know me that well did you Damien (12:10pm) : how can I know you very well if you don't talk to me? Even if it isn't about your spiritual business. How can you say that we're friends if all we ever get a chance to say to each other is, "hey" At this point, he completely went offline. I was so angry that I wrote him an e-mail. There were a total of 5 e-mails sent back and forth. Detailed below: From: Damien To: Aaron Subject: (none) Message: I don't know what to say to you anymore. You seem so different towards me now. I can't seem to get you to understand that I'm worried about you. Not just me, but others are, too. It doesn't matter if you're the only one who can do anything about it. Friends can still be here for you. Obviously you haven't had the most trustworthy confidantes in the past. But, I can't stand by while I can tell that a friend of mine is in pain of some sort or the other. Because by doing so, I would feel like I'm failing them. Just like I said in the note, I don't care who you tell, but you've told me before that you can't just let it bottle up inside. You were there for me in my darkest time, please let me be there for you! From: Aaron To: Damien Subject: RE: Oh my freakin' Gods Message: Oh my Lords and Ladies!! First of all, you need to stay out of other people's business. Second, I havent been feeling well lately and that has been really draggin me down. For the past three weeks its been "I don't want to do this... I'm so sick... All I want to do is stay in bed and do nothing, but no I have to do 5 huge assignments instead." And I know that I have people who care about me, and i know that they are there because they have always been there and I trust them, and i have talked to people about my spiritual problems, JUST NOT YOU BECAUSE YOU CAN'T HANDLE IT OR HELP ME WITH THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Its matters of the High Counsil that is to be kept in the High Counsil. And it is matters of my mind that needs to stay in my mind until i can sort it out!!!!!!!!!!!!! So Please Just Bud The Hell Out! From: Damien To: Aaron Subject: RE: Oh my freakin' Gods Message: I DON'T WANT TO BE THERE FOR YOUR FUCKING "SPIRITUAL PROBLEMS!!!!!!" I'm not stupid! I don't want you to tell me things that are going on with the "High Counsil." I couldn't care less any more about the coven. If you want me to butt out, fine. It was nice being your "friend" but obviously you don't appreciate your friends unless they're on your fucking precious "high cousil." I hate to be the barer of bad news but IT'S FUCKING BULLSHIT! People who hear voices and have dreams telling them that demons are after them? That's called being mentally unstable. If you choose to associate with them, that's your business now. You have showed me that you really don't want to be my friend so I guess you've laid the dynomite on the foundations of our friendship and I'm igniting it. From: Aaron To: Damien Subject: RE: Oh my freakin' Gods Message: I dont care. I dont have any problems that i need to talk about with anyone. I have just be down lately because i havent had a lot of time to myself and have been sick, more than you would know. Over the past 3 weeks i have had strep throat, ear aches, sinus infections and fever. they just came on after the other and wouldnt relent. That is my only problem other than being nervous about auditions and district festival and homework... but i dont really fucking care about telling you anything anymore. And by the way i never ask you to be there for my spiritual problems or to be there for any thing. so youre a crazy bastard and have a semi-okay life jack ass. From: Damien To: Aaron Subject: RE: Oh my freakin' Gods Message: I never wanted to know about your spiritual problems. You never asked me for help with them and I never asked specifically about them. I'm the crazy one for wanting to be your friend? That's a new one to me. Apparently I was crazy enough to actually like you at one point in time. Just remember that I have so much dirt on you that it would KILL you. I don't think you realize what you've done. There wasn't a response when I got back home from hanging out with other friends, about 6 hours later. So it goes to show that sometimes things don't work out all picturesque and fairy-tale like. I think what makes this story even more sad is the fact that it's all true. These all have been real life accounts from my perspective. The IM convo was real, copied straight from my history. And the e-mails were real, copied from my inbox. As always, comments are welcome at damien_seul@hotmail.com. Thanks for taking the time to listen to part of my life. Damien