Sorry it's been a month or so since the last part. I hope that you all like part three of David's diary. If you have any comments you can e-mail me at dandevdre@hotmail .com


It goes without saying that...

David's diary part 3

01st January 1997 -- Continued

Well there it was, Damien put it into words for Paul. Direct question. "Are you going to join us or are you gonna fuck off".

Paul stood there for a few moments, I couldn't help hope that he was considering it. After all a four way might have been exactly what the doctor ordered. I think it's more like he was shell shocked. I guess he regained some of his senses and without another word he turned on his heal and made his exit.

"I've got to go after him," I said, jumping off the bed.

"Leave it Davie, you'll just make it worse."

"Steve's right. There's nothing that you can do tonight that will make it any better. Let him go and stew. It's not your fault that he's got issues."

I knew that Steve and Damien were probably right, but every fibre of my being was screaming at me to go after Paul. I picked my clothes up from the pile that I'd left them in earlier and started to dress. Damien and Steve both resigned that I'd made up my mind kissed me good luck and Damien said that they'd be there for me, no matter what happens. Steve agreed with him and I made my way out into the cold December night.

I ran down the street towards the park, I knew that I'd catch up with Paul there. It's the only way home from Damien's to my house and Paul's whose is a few streets further away. As soon as I entered the dark and empty park I saw a figure sitting on a bench staring into the night. It had to be Paul. I made my way to the bench to confirm my sighting.

I sat down and Paul looked at me. Even in the dark I could see his eyes were full of sadness. He'd been crying. We sat there for ages, not saying a word. I had no idea what to say, how I could put things right. I knew that I'd done nothing wrong, but I felt guilty none the less.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" Paul said, finally breaking the silence.

"I don't know, I guess I was worried about you"

"Well don't be. Just go back to your fuck buddy and your brother. Your brother for god's sake, Your brother was sucking your cock. What the fuck is wrong with you?"

That's when I said something stupid. "You jealous?" Stupid, stupid.

"Jealous" He screamed. "Look queer boy, not everyone is as warped as you. You make me sick, not only are you a shirtlifter, you're sick. You've done it with your own brother. What's wrong with you?"

I guess somehow my brain must have been on strike, it must have been or I wouldn't have replied, "Well we've done stuff, what does that make you then?"

Clearly the wrong thing to say at totally the wrong time. Paul got up off the bench and turned to me. With no effort he pulled me off the bench and pushed me onto the grass. I guess I went into shock as for some reason I started to laugh. The next thing I knew I felt his boot in my stomach.

Winded and doubled up in pain I saw him walk away. I picked myself up and in a rage I ran after him.

"Paul" I shouted. He turned round to face me again. "You can do anything you like, hit me, beat me up, call me names. But you can't run away from yourself. You know what I mean Paul, you know what I mean!"

Another hit to the stomach; I hit the deck again. I had a funny taste in my mouth, I was sure I just spat out blood. I could barely move, the hit was that hard. I remember coughing a lot. I don't know why, but Paul must have seen how much pain I was in. He didn't walk away. He stood there maybe thinking about what he'd done, for the next thing I knew he was bending down to offer me a hand up. I took it.

"I'm sorry Dave, sorry. I didn't mean to." He started crying. I found myself putting my arm around his shoulder. I drew him into me and we were hugging. Both crying.

I don't think that either of us had noticed up to then that it had been raining for the last ten minutes. We were getting soaked. Paul broke away from our hug and said that he should be getting off home. He looked up to the sky and said that it looked like the rain was in for the night and maybe I should be getting back to where I should be.

Where should I be? I asked my-self. I thought of Damien, the most amazing boy in my universe. Then I thought of my brother, who I loved more than anything. Some how after the park I didn't want to go back to Damien's. I felt the need to go home, back to my bed. I caught up with Paul and silently we walked back in the direction of our homes.

The rain turned into a full storm, lashing at our faces and soaking us right through. We got to my house and I asked Paul if he wanted to come in for a while. He lived several streets away and would be drowned before he got home in this weather.

He looked dubious and I just shrugged my shoulders. A gesture that I hoped said that it was up to him. He followed me up the garden path to my front door and I let us in. We went straight upstairs, he went into my room and I went in to the bathroom to get a couple of towels.

I handed Paul a towel and started to take off my soaking clothes. Drying myself all over, I noticed that Paul was still dressed. I told him that if he took his clothes off and we put them in the airing cupboard they'd be dry before morning. He looked sheepishly at me, maybe questioning my motives to get him stripped. Then a shiver ran through him and slowly he removed his jacket then his shoes. I took a step towards him and helped him off with his jumper and T-shirt. His arms fell to his sides, giving me a free hand to remove his wet jeans. I gathered up his clothes and as good as my word I took them to the airing cupboard in the bathroom. I got back to my room and Paul had his back to me looking out of my window. His boxers, also soaked, clung to his bottom. I loved seeing that arse clad in his boxers, I loved rubbing my cock up and down it through the cotton material. Above all I loved when he did it to me. I loved the feeling of his hardness teasing the crack of my buns. Although I'd gone much further with Damien and in many ways Damien was the perfect guy, Paul was still my best friend, still the one person I'd do anything for. No matter what we'd been through, no matter what he'd done to me, it always come back to that. I'd do anything for him. Wouldn't any best friend?

I broke our silence by saying that we could top and tail if he was more comfortable. Or if he'd prefer I'd sleep on the floor.

"No, that's not necessary" he replied still looking out of the window. He removed his wet boxers and turned round to face me with a hard on. "Do you like this?" he asked pointing at his dick.

"Paul, no mind games. Not tonight."

"Answer my question."

"Yes, you know I do." I looked at him, we were both naked in front of each other but it was I that suddenly felt vulnerable.

"No mind games Dave, no mind games I promise. I don't want to think about anything right now. All I want is to feel your lips around my dick."

I too had stopped thinking where Paul's concerned. It was probably easier that way. I didn't need a second invite; I got down on my knees in front of him and started to lick up and down his shaft.

I gradually eased his steel hard pole further and further down my throat till my face was right up to his bush. I looked up at him and saw his face screwed up with pleasure. I pulled back and he pushed himself forward, fucking my face. Harder and faster. I moved my hands up to his arse and placed them on his hairy cheeks. Rubbing my hands all over his backside while he was slamming into my face I took a risk, I started to rub a finger up and down his crack, finally resting on his pucker. I started it insert the digit into him. He froze for a moment and I thought that I'd taken it too far. He put his hands on my face and pulled me off his dick, then directed my head upwards to face him.

"What do you think you're doing?" his voice sounded icy cold.

I didn't answer. He took hold of my arm and pulled it away from him. Then gestured for me to get up. Facing each other I was worried that the mind games were about to start. He put his hand round my head and pulled me towards him till our lips met. Then breaking apart from me he said something that really surprised me.

"When I walked in on you guys tonight, Damien was rimming you, wasn't he?"

I nodded.

"Has he ever fucked you?"

"Paul, why are you asking this now?"

"Has he?"


"Do you like it?"


"Would you like me to fuck you?"



"If you want to." I replied

"I do. I want to feel my dick in your hole."

I was not expecting that. I never even dared to dream that this would happen.

"Are you sure?" I asked.

"No, but what the hell. We're here, together and you're my best friend. If I hadn't dragged you away you'd be getting it from Damien right now. It only seems fair that I make up for it."

"That's the biggest load of shit I've ever heard. You didn't drag me away; I left to chase after you. And if you want to make love to me it had better be for the right reasons. Paul, I love you more than anyone, save my family but it's got to be what you want. Or else we should just stick to doing what we were doing just before."

I know that all sounded crap but I didn't want a repeat of the last month. We did something that freaked him out and it nearly cost us our friendship. I didn't want to go through that again just for the sake of one night.

"Dave" Said Paul sitting down on the bed. "You're so sorted. You know what you are and what you want. I know I've been an arsehole to you these past few weeks. I can't explain why, I guess I just flipped. I don't know what I am. Am I like you? I don't know. I guess what we've done makes me think that I am. Then I think about girls like Alison and I get so horny that I don't think I am. You see, it's not that easy for me. I know that I don't want to hurt you and I know that I'm so sorry for hitting you tonight. I have no idea what that was about. I hope that you'll forgive me and if I can do anything to make it up to you than I want to."

"That's sweet Paul, but I don't want you to do something that you're not ready for. I love you too much for that. And I know that I'm going to kick myself forever but I don't think you're ready for it. Not right now anyway."

"Well can we at least finish what we started tonight? My stiff's aching."

I walked over to my underwear draw and fished out a pair of black nylon bikini briefs and slipped them on. He looked at me quizzically and I smiled at him.

"Let's do it how we used to."

He didn't need me to say anything else; he pulled me down onto the bed with him. We kissed, first tenderly then with passion. I felt his hands kneed my butt and I did the same to him. Then he rolled me over and climbed on top of me. I felt his man meat in between my nylon-covered crack, moving up and down. Slowly he rubbed himself, stopping only to reach over and kiss me. Then it happened his hot release hit my back. Spent he rolled off me, then rolled me over to face him. He put his hand over my nylon-covered package and rubbed till I shot my load through the tight material.

"Promise me something?" I asked.


"That you won't flip when you wake up tomorrow morning."

"I promise."

"I love you Paul."

"I love you to."

We went into full embrace and fell asleep in each other's arms.

I woke before Paul when I heard my bedroom door open, Steve popped his head round and mouthed to me if I was all right. I nodded at him; he winked and then closed the door. That's when I realised that Paul had his hand wrapped round my dick inside my briefs. I suddenly wished that was how I could wake up every morning. I kissed Paul on the forehead and he woke.

"I guess it's time for you to go." I said sadly.

He looked at my bedside clock and said "Shit"

Shit was right. Today was the day that he and his mum were flying out to Spain to see his dad. He jumped out of bed and took his boxer shorts off of the radiator and slipped them on.

"I'll just get my stuff out of the airing cupboard"

I heard the toilet flush and a few minutes later he came back into my room fully clothed. He pulled my duvet cover off me and dove down onto the bed, his legs straggling either side of me. He leaned down and kissed me. Then said "How's this for not freaking?"

"I'm impressed. But look at the time, you've got to be at the airport in a few hours. Your mum's gonna be having kittens."

"You're right. I should be off. Do me a favour before I go?"

I looked at him, then nodded. He took hold of both the sides of my black nylon bikini brief and gestured that he wanted to pull them down. I lifted my arse off the bed and he whipped them off me. He took hold of my hard dick and kissed it, then keeping hold of it he fell down to the side of me and kissed me while wanking me off. I shot my load, then he mopped it up off me with the briefs.

"I'm keeping these, if you don't mind. Something to think about while I'm away."

"Sure" I smiled "I hate to do this cos I want to spend the rest of the day with you but you really should get going."

I kissed me one more time and jumped off of my bed. He said that he'd be back in a couple of weeks and wished me a merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

I wished him well and said that I hoped that his folks get things sorted out. He put my briefs in his jacket pocket, smiled then left.

Not long after the front door closed Steve knocked at my door.

"Well, looks like you got a lot sorted out last night little bruv."

"You could say that." I replied, getting out of bed and into my underwear draw to get dressed.

Before I chose what to wear Steve said that he had something from Damien and fished out of his pocket the silver G-string that he was wearing last night and passed it to me. I slipped the flimsy garment on and pulled it into place. The pouch was a little too big for me, not surprising considering from whom it came from. I smiled at turned round to Steve and asked him what he thought.

"Looks as hot on you as it does on Damien. Which by the way I also have a message from him. He, well we were worried about you and he asked me to ask you to call him whenever you get the chance."

I said that I would. I kissed Steve and thanked him for caring about me.

"Hey, I'm your big brother. It goes with the package. By the way, Do you think we should talk about what happened in Damien's room last night?"

"It happened. I don't regret it. Do you?"

"No, not really. Okay, so we've talked about it. I'll see you at breakfast."

The rest of Christmas and new year holiday went great. I didn't have too much time to miss Paul as I spent a lot of time round at Damien's. I'd write it all up now but as it's new years day evening I should be off now. I was supposed to be meeting Damien and his brothers for a night in.


08th January 1997

Back at school today. I am a bit worried about Paul. Apart from a postcard I got just after New Year I haven't heard anything from him. He wasn't at school today. I hope he's all right.

Was chatting with Damien and a few of the guys at break today. Someone put across an idea for us all to go on holiday together once the exams are finished, a sort of celebration holiday. I thought it was a great idea as did Damien.

I went back to Damien's after school, we fooled around till his parents got back then joined them for dinner. His folks are so cool, I'm not saying that my parents aren't but I love the way they can talk openly about stuff with each other. His mum asked after Steve and said to say hello.

Actually no one's seen much of Steve since New Year. He met a guy that he knows from college and has been round his place for the last week or so. I've yet to meet the guy, but I think that maybe Steve has fallen in love.

12th January 1997

Paul still not back yet. I got a call from him tonight. He says that he's coming back home on the weekend and wants to meet up with me as soon as he gets back. I had planned to spend the weekend over at Damien's so I've just called him to cancel. I told him why and he understood.

I had a chat with Steve yesterday. He told me about Simon, his new boyfriend. He sounds very much in love and is as high as a kite on it. I don't think I've ever seen him so happy.

He told me that he knew him from college but had never really spoken much as they only have one class a week together. Then he went down to The White Swan one night with Hayden and Mike and bumped into Simon. Neither of whom knew that the other was gay.

15th January 1997

Paul's just left and I feel hollow inside. I'm going to really miss him. His Parents have got back together and are going to live out in Spain. They were going to do the move after Paul's exams but they had a very good offer on their house. The upshot of it all is that Paul's going to study at home in Spain and come back in the summer term for his exams, then go back out to Spain. It's been okayed by our school. So that's that. He's here for one week to get his stuff together and then they're off to sunny Spain.

The thing is that he's so happy that his parents have got back together that he doesn't care about leaving. I can't say I blame him, but I will miss him.

22nd January 1997

I've spent every minute that I could with Paul. I even bunked off school a couple of days so that we could be together. We've been through a hell of a lot together and I can't believe that he's gone now.

I spent the night at his house last night helping him pack. Once we'd finished we went straight to bed. I guess I could say that we had an amazing night of sex, but there was a sadness hanging over it that I just couldn't get away from.

We started off as like before, him rubbing up and down me in his boxer shorts. Then with a smile he took them off. He asked me if I remembered the night of Damien's party and what I'd said about him being ready to make love to me? I nodded. He then said that he was ready. I asked him if he was sure. He went over to a bag and got out some cream and said that he was ready. I took the cream from him and smeared some over his cock, then squirted some on his hand and told him to rub it in me. I thought I was going to cum there and then when he started to finger fuck me. This was a moment that I dreamed about for so long and it was actually happening.

The feel of his hot cock at my entrance edging it's way in till it could go no further. He wasn't as big as Damien but the intrusion was just as good. When he started to quicken the pace I thought I'd died and gone to heaven. With every thrust he declared his love for me and I'd never felt so good.

When we climaxed we just laid there, his dick softening inside me till it came out altogether. Paul got off me and we spent the rest of the evening cuddling.

As I got ready to go he said that at least we'd done something worth remembering. I smiled.

"Dave, just cos I'm not going to be around doesn't mean that I don't love you and don't want to be with you"

"I know" I replied.

"Maybe when I come back in the summer I can stay with you. My mum has arranged for me to stay with an Aunt but I know I can change her mind. That is if you still want me."

"You know I do and yes we'll sort something out."

We kissed for a long time then I made my way home, crying all the way. I didn't care if anyone saw me. The last thing I did was give him my new e-mail address. My folks had finally got me a computer for Christmas and I got hooked up to the net not so long ago. At least we could keep in touch that way.


02nd February 1997

School and Life doesn't seem the same without Paul. I really miss sitting next to him in class; I miss not hanging out with him at break and more than anything I miss our weekends together. We chat over ICQ every few days; it's great that we can keep in touch as often as we do.

He's been asking what I've been up to lately, I tell him most things but not everything. I still get a bit worried that he might get jealous of Damien and me. It's hard to know what his reaction would be if he knew half of what we did.

I'm getting convinced that Damien is into danger. He loves making out in places where we might get caught. We've snogged in most places at school, we've had sex in several classrooms during break and we've blown each other countless times in the gym showers. Luckily we've never been caught although we've been close at times.

The closest was during English Literature class today. The teacher was droning on about god knows what, I was sitting next to Damien just doodling on my exercise book. Suddenly I feel his hand fumble with the zip of my trousers. I look round at him slightly shocked. He just nods in the direction of the teacher as if to say keep your eyes front. I felt his fingers on my rapidly hardening bulge. He fondled my dick through the material of my briefs, then reached in and took it out. I scanned the classroom to make sure that no one was watching us. Thankfully there wasn't. The teacher was now asking questions about the book that we'd all been studying that period, he walks up and down the isle of desks asking questions of the students as he past them. The next thing I knew he was standing over me. Damien had the sense to let go of me just before he got to us, I raised my legs to cover the fact that my willy was on show. I got asked a question but as I wasn't paying attention I was totally stumped. The class laughed at my telling off by Mr Attwood. I blushed bright red. As soon as my ordeal was done Damien carried on where he left off. I shot a wad that hit the underside of the desk; the remainder of it on Damien's hand was licked off by him.

After class was finished I asked him if he was mad. He had a mischievous grin on his face, clearly not bothered that we may have been caught. I enjoyed every moment of it but I could do without my heart having to be scraped off the ceiling.

07th march 1997

I'm still missing Paul but have got to the point when I realise that there's no point in dwelling on it and to just look forward to the summer.

Damien's been great. I told him all that happened and he's been so amazing and supportive. He's barely given me time to sit and brood. I don't just mean in bed, although that's been the best bits. No, I've been doing other stuff with him as well. One of the strangest things is that he got me playing football. Yea, I know. Me? Playing football. It started off with me just going along to watch Damien and some of the guys' kickaround in the park. I kinda got into that. Not so much the game more like watching loads of guys running around a muddy pitch, working up a sweat. Watching the out lines of their dicks swinging in their nylon shorts as they ran. I figured that football could be much better than I'd given it credit for. One afternoon they were a man down after an accident. That's when Damien asked if I wanted to join in. No. Was the reply that he didn't listen to. Before I knew it I was in a spare pair of Damien's shorts (he always has a spare) running around the pitch.

My match plan was this: Stay the hell away from the ball and try not to get hurt. Didn't quite work out. Some fool passed me the ball; I sort of dithered for a while. Then I noticed a herd of guys running towards me. In a panic I kicked the ball. The next thing I knew it went past the post and I'd scored a goal.

Yeah sure, scoring the goal actually felt pretty good. What felt better was all the guys in my team coming up to hug me, kiss me, pat me on the head or bum. I never knew football could be so much fun. I didn't dare tell anyone that it was a pure fluke.

It was the night that we'd had the match that I once again stayed over at Damien's. His parents were out for the night at some function. Hayden was at university so that left Patrick and his friend Lee who was also staying over. They disappeared shortly after we had dinner. Damien and I went off to the living room to catch some telly.

Well telly was one of the things going on. The other was us making out on the couch. Snogging each other, gradually removing each others clothes. We ended up in one of my favourite positions. Damien sitting on the couch, naked and hard. Me sitting on his lap, with his dick inside me. I don't know how he does it, but he can stay hard for hours. I just love the feel of his monster hard on up me. Even when we were more into watching telly, it's nice to have him inside me. Kind of relaxing. Sure, we always end up making love but I guess it's a sort of foreplay that we do.

We were half way through watching a Christian Slater film, who I wouldn't mind being with in a similar position as I was in at the time with Damien. Then Lee popped his head round the door and asked if he could come in. "Sure", Damien replied. He thanked us, then said that Patrick had fallen asleep and that he wasn't tired. He walked in and I couldn't help notice a small tent in his boxer shorts.

I looked round to Damien who had also spotted it and winked. I asked him if he wanted to join us. Without hesitation he knelt down between my legs and took my hard dick in his mouth. For a thirteen year old kid he sure knew what he was doing. I guess that Patrick has him well clued up.

Damien started moving around a bit sliding further inside of me, then started running his hands over my nipples, through my hair and down my back.

I looked down to Lee who was engrossed on his project. He really was a great cock sucker. Shorter than Patrick and still with some puppy fat, I noticed his nipples on top of his boy breasts moving up and down with the rhythm of him sucking me. I looked at his face, aside from having my cock in his mouth he had the face of an angel. Innocent and pure looking. Never judge a book by its cover. I've never heard a truer word spoken.

I looked up when I hear the door open again, Patrick, looking like he'd just woken up came into the living room. He smiled at us then got down beside Lee, who wasn't aware of his presence until Patrick put his hand down the back of his boxers. He let my cock slip out of his mouth and started kissing Patrick. I looked round to Damien and we both shrugged our shoulders. Damien took hold of my dick with his hand and slowly wanked me off as we watched the show that was unfolding before us.

Lee and Patrick rolling around each other on the floor. Kissing and fondling each other. Patrick finally got behind Lee and pulled the back of his boxers down, then stuck his face into his friends behind. Tonguing him away, getting him nice and moist, ready for the next phase. With some of his own spit mixed with Lee's pre-cum Patrick greased his pole up, the without effort slid his member up the youngsters' passage.

Just as we heard the thirteen-year-olds climax Damien and I moved round on the couch. His dick that had been resting hard in me for the last couple of hours had more than sprung into life. I was now on all fours on the couch with Damien over me. Pumping away in me till he also reached a long drawn out orgasm.


28th March 1997

When the shit hits the fan it really hits. I'm still trying to get my head round what's happened in the past week.

I guess it started back a few weeks ago. Damien and I, along with a few of the guys from school have decided to go to Ibiza in July after the exams are done. Kind of let your hair down break after all the pent up intensity of one of the most important times in our lives.

I managed to talk my parents into letting me go, they weren't too keen at first, but I think that Steve (who had a word with them) made a difference. The bargain was that I put in as much study time as I could over the next few months and then I could go. I also got myself a Saturday job to help pay for myself.

Mason, the guy organising the holiday collected our deposits last week and reminded us that we must have our passports sorted out before we go. I've always travelled on my parents passport but now I'm sixteen I have to have my own. I went down to the local Woolies to get my photo done and picked up the forms from the Post Office. I read them through and filled in the necessary information. I had to get my photos signed by a professional person to verify that I am who I say I am, then send them off with my form and birth certificate.

That's where the problem came from. I asked my mother for it and she said that she wasn't sure where it was and would ask my father. A few days later when I got back from school Mum told me not to go out as she and Dad wanted to speak to me. A little later Steve arrived after getting a call from them asking him to be around tonight. He asked me if I knew what it was about, but I didn't have a clue.

Dad got home just before seven and we all went into the living room. Dad started the ball rolling.

"Davie, I've got your birth certificate here, it wasn't lost as your mother said, but there is something here that you should know before you see it".

My mind started racing, what could it be?

"Darling" My mother carried on. "Before you see it, you have to know that we love you very much and that it wont change anything as far as we're concerned. Gary, show him"

Dad handed me the certificate and I unfolded it. It had my name, date and time of birth. My mothers name and maiden name and my fathers name. My fathers name? No that can't be right? Brian Sherman? Who the hell is Brian Sherman?

"Davie" continued my mother, obviously interpreting my puzzled face. "The man I married, the man I love, the man that has been the best father to you is not your real father."

She looked at Dad and he nodded her to carry on.

"After your brother was born, your father and I were having a difficult time in our marriage. He was working long hours and I suppose we drifted apart. I bumped into a man called Brian who I knew from when I was at school and we ended up having an affair. Nine months later you arrived. Darling, you must remember that although your father is not your blood father, he has always loved you as much as he loves Steven.

I looked at first my father and then my mother, then to Steve, who was looking as shocked as I was. I got up and walked to the stairs, I was on autopilot and all I knew if that I had to be on my own in my room.

I'd been laying on my bed for sometime trying to get my head round what I'd just been told when I heard a knock at my door. Steve put his head round and asked if I was okay. I didn't move, I felt as if I'd been removed from the situation and was looking at it from afar. He came in and sat down on my bed. Still not taking my eyes off the ceiling I asked him if he knew. I guess my voice sounded cold and emotionless, after all that's all I was feeling right then.

"No, Davie, I had no idea. That's the truth. I have a vague memory from when not long after your were born, I must have been nearly three or something. Dad disagreed and a new man lived with us for awhile. I don't remember him well, just that he wasn't my father. Then he disappeared and Dad was back. I haven't thought about that for years, but I guess now it makes sense."

I sat up and looked at my brother. Tears welling up in my eyes. He put his arms around me.

"Who am I? Who am I Steve?" I whispered into his ear.

"You're you. Who else do you need to be? Look Davie, I can't pretend to know what you're feeling right now, but you've got to know that this doesn't change anything as far as I'm concerned. You're my brother, I love you and that's all that matters to me."

He kissed me and said that he would leave me to be on my own for a bit. He also said that he'd be calling Simon and that he'd be staying here tonight, so if I wanted to talk he'd be here for me. I thanked him but said that he didn't have to. I didn't know that I wanted to talk to anyone again right then. He replied that he'd be next door anyway.

About an hour later my mother knocked and asked if I was okay. I said that I was. She knew I was lying, mothers have a habit of knowing that stuff. I couldn't speak to her; I just didn't know what to say.

I'd been laying in my bed for a few hours, just thinking. I suddenly remembered that Steve said that he was staying tonight so I crept into his room and into his bed. I hadn't done that since I was eight and scared of the dark. Steve always kept the monsters away from me. As I got into his bed he stirred from his slumber.

"You all right boy?" he asked

I replied that I would be. As I slipped between the sheets I snuggled up to him, he put his arm around me, protecting me from all the monsters again.

I awoke the next morning before Steve and quietly so as not to wake him I slipped out of his bed. Back in my room I got dressed and made my way downstairs. I wanted to get the hell out of my house before anyone woke. I just couldn't face anyone. Not today.

I decided to skip school and went down to the park and spent most of the morning watching the ducks on the pond. Around noon I decided to make a move, school would be out for lunch and I didn't want to bump into anyone, especially a teacher.

As I got up form the bench I heard someone's footfall nearby.

"Thought I'd find you in the park"

It was Damien. He carried on saying that he got a call from Steve this morning saying that there was a bit of a family problem and that he was worried about me. He asked Damien to keep an eye on me. Damien in turn was worried about me when I didn't show in school and took the first opportunity to get out and search for me. We started walking off in the direction of his house, he said that his parents would both be at work and that we could hang there for the rest of the day if I wanted. On the way there I gave him the full story of what happened and how I was feeling. He listened and said nothing till I finished.

It wasn't until we were sitting in his living room that I finished up saying what was on my mind.

"Dave, what does it really matter?" I looked at him quizzically. "So your parents had a rough patch and your mother went off with some other bloke. Let's face it, if she didn't you'd not be here today. You're lucky; your parents worked out their problems. There are so many more who can't get that far. Your dad has taken you as his son, how can he be anything other than your father. He loves you and cares about you, that's all that matters. Does explain one thing though"

"And what would that be?"

"Now we know why you look nothing like Steve"

"You mean why do I have a brother as good looking and big as Steve when I'm a shortarse, small dicked kid that still looks like he's twelve?"

"I mean that you just don't look much like him. Nothing more. Although, and you can call me biased as I've had both of you" I smiled at him and threw a light punch to his arm. "I'd say that both of you are great guys and that you should stop putting yourself down and trying to be something that you're not. You're one of the sexiest guys I know and I consider myself lucky that we got together. And you're not a shortarse, you're cute"

"CUTE" I retorted almost horrified.

"Yeah, cute. Believe me that's a compliment and not just one that I'd say but I've heard many others say the same"


"Oh yes, I've had several girls ask me about your current relationship status. They think you're smart, funny and cute. Believe me, if you were to ever want to go in that direction you'd have quite a queue forming at your door."

I think I must have not looked too impressed

"Don't look like that, I've also had a couple of the lads ask about you as well."

"Oh? Now you're talking. Who?"

"That would be saying but put it this way, if you were to take a more active interest in football, you'd gain more than an appreciation of the game if you know what I mean."

I started running a list of names of the boys in the football team; with each name Damien smiled and said that he wasn't saying.

"Tell me" I pleaded


I jumped on top of him and pinned him down to the ground. Again I asked him to tell me. Again he refused. I slid my hands under his school shirt and started to tickle him.

"Alright, enough" He laughed. "If it means that much to you, all I'll say is be careful in the showers after P.E. You're likely to be in the middle of a gang bang."

"Not helping" I continued to tickle him.

"Okay, aside from me, who's the hottest guy on the football team?"

"Well, aside from you." Cough cough. "Chris Sutherland?"

"I'm saying no more"

"Chris Sutherland? But isn't he with Nina Bailey?"

"So? Didn't stop him from asking me about you. I'm surprised that he's not made a move on you. After all, you're one hot cute guy"

"There's that cute word again," I said slightly bemused.

With that he moved slightly and before I knew it our positions were reversed. Without any effort he managed to lift me off him, then roll on top of me.

"Okay, Mr. Cute-With the tickles, now what you gonna do?"

I shrugged my shoulders. I expected to get some of the tickling treatment, instead Damien undid my trouser zip and pulled my cock out. I sprung hard instantly and seconds later his mouth was clamped around it. Man, it felt so good. I was moaning like a good un. Just before I climaxed I accidentally on purpose screamed out Chris' name.

Damien looked at me and I laughed.

"You little shit. Thinking of Chris was we?"

"Sorry, just slipped out."

He crawled up to me so we were face to face.

"Well studley" <Kiss> "Let me tell you something about young Sutherland" <Kiss> "He's crap in bed" <Kiss>

"You've had Chris Sutherland?"

"Course. Why do you think he'd be asking me about you?"

"And he's crap in bed?"

"Yep, that guy might be every girls wet dream, but where guys a concerned he's got a lot to learn."

I'd often wondered how many guys Damien had been with. I knew from the start that he was experienced. He always knew which buttons to press and when, in turn I reckon I'd learnt a lot from him. Not just about sex but, well everything. He's got such a positive out look on life and it rubs off on all those that are around him.

By this time I'd almost forgotten about my troubles. Damien finding me that day was the best thing that could have happened. After we got up off the floor he took me by the hand to his room. He took out a rubber from his bedside drawer and looked at me. I nodded and within seconds we were both stripped and making love.

Lately our sex has gotten a bit rough, intensely passionate and wild. That afternoon was different; I was getting exactly what I needed. The passion was still as intense but Damien was also tender and loving.

We stayed in bed for the rest of the afternoon, only getting up a few minutes before Damien's parents arrived home from work. We got dressed and went downstairs to the living room where Patrick was watching telly. Damien kissed his brother hello and we sat down to see what was on.

Their mother came in and asked if I was staying for dinner, I'd been round at Damien's so often now it was like a home from home. His parents always made me welcome, his mother would often joke that she felt like she'd acquired a couple of extra son's somewhere along the way. Referring to Lee, and me who was around as often as I was. I said that I wasn't and should be getting off home. Suddenly I thought about it, going home. On the one hand I was dreading facing them on the other I loved my family enough to try to come to terms with the bombshell that they'd just dropped on me.

03rd April 1997

Apparently everyone's a bit worried about me. Maybe it's my fault in that I've not been communicating much. My parents are worried that I've not taken in the news that they gave me and have asked me if I wanted to speak to a councillor. What do I want with one of those? Sit down on some person's couch, telling him my own dark thoughts? No thank you. They'd think I was a loony if it got out that I was seeing a councillor at school.

Steve's worried about me. I guess he just cares for me and wants me to be all right. I love Steve and could never wish for a better brother. I know that no matter what, he'll be here for me. I can only hope that I'm as good as that for him.

Paul's worried about me. I e-mailed him telling him about my father. He was shocked to say the least. He's e-mailed me everyday since. I think he feels guilty that he's not around and a couple of thousand miles away. Or however far Spain is. He should feel like that, even though there is a distance between us I know that he's here in spirit. I can't help feeling that he's been holding something back though. Before I mailed him I hadn't heard from him in nearly a week. And now he's mailing me every day sometimes twice. I hope that he's all right, I know him and I feel that he's got something to tell me but now is not the right time.

The school is worried about me. They called my mother yesterday to tell them that apparently I'd not been attending much over the past week and when I had been I'd not been concentrating on my work. I think it's they who put the thought of a councillor in my mother's mind.

I think the only person who's not worried about me is me. The way I see it is that I'm the same person I was before I found out about my father. My parents are my parents and I wouldn't want to change that. I think they've been skirting around the issue that I might want to meet my real dad, but to be honest I can't say that I want to. Maybe I'll change my mind one day but I don't see what good it would do. True, like Damien said to me, if it weren't for this guy I'd never have been born, but I don't feel that I need another dad in my life.

Life has been good lately and once the exams are over I've got Ibiza to look forward to. There's twenty of us from school going and it's gonna be a party time. Sun, sea and other things that begin with `S'. I can't wait.


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