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David's diary part four
02nd May 1997
GCSE exams start next week. I promised myself that I wouldn't get wound up about them. I know that they matter and if I'm going to go to university I need to get good grades to go on for my A'Levels. That's the crux, I'm now cacking myself. If I don't pass these exams I might as well go out and get myself a MacJob and forget my future. I still don't know what I want to do. It seems like it was only yesterday that people asked me what I wanted to do when I grow up. I wonder when it is that I officially grow up? Cos I have no idea what I want to do. I'm an okay student but I don't think I excel at anything much, there's stuff that I like doing but nothing I'm really good at. I know kids in my year that have everything mapped out, they know what the want to do and how to get there. Sounds a bit like Burger King here I come.
The best thing about these exams is that Paul is coming back. I asked my parents if he could stay here while he's over, it was that or he'd be staying at an aunt's several miles away. They were great about it; they called up his parents in Spain to arrange the details. Dad and I are picking him up at Luton airport tomorrow. I can't wait to see him again. Thanks to Damien I've had a great social life over these past few months, being part of the in crowd gets you out and about. I've had a lot of fun, but I still miss Paul. I know that he's really settled down in Spain, he tells me how much he loves it out there in his e-mails to me. I wanted to go out to see him on holiday but I've booked up with the other guys to go to Ibiza in July and I don't think I'll be able to go across to the mainland while I'm there. I've told Paul about the plan for our holiday and he says that if he can get the time and money together then he'll try to come over and meet us there. I'm really psyched about the holiday, it's only the thought of that and seeing Paul again that is keeping me sane during the run up to the exams.
03rd May 1997
Dad and I went to meet Paul at Luton today. His flight was delayed by three hours, something to do with striking air traffic controllers. We stood by the barrier with all the other people meeting family and friends from various destinations. There were quite a few people holding up cards with names on them, at least I knew who I was waiting for. Or so I thought. I almost didn't recognise him. The automatic doors opened and a swarm of people came through them, Paul spotted me first. I had to double take, he was so tanned and his hair was sun bleached. He looked so good. I ran up to him and hugged him hello, of course what I wanted to do was kiss the guy I love to show him and the world how much I'd missed him. Of course that wasn't the time and the place.
On the journey home we filled each other in on the gossip and what we've been up to over the past few months. When we got home I was hoping that he'd want to go out so we could meet up with everyone. He said that he'd had a long day and was a bit tried from the flight and everything. I don't think he was all that bothered about seeing anyone tell the truth, Most of the people I now call friends were barely acquaintances to him, people he knew at school, that's all.
We went upstairs into my room; I'd cleared some space for his stuff, a drawer for his clothes and a desk for him to study at. We still had a lot of revision to do before the exams started.
The moment we were alone I flung my arms around him, kissed him and said how much I'd missed him. I don't know why, maybe it was because he was a bit tired but I felt that he was a bit distant during our hug. Like maybe not comfortable with it. I thought back to the last time we saw each other and how we had finally made love properly. Maybe I'm expecting too much, I'd almost forgotten how long and hard it was for us to get that far.
No, I'm sure he was just tired.
We spent the rest of the evening catching up and now he's gone to bed. I'll be joining him just as soon as I finish this journal entry. At least he's no hang ups about sharing my bed.
He's probably just tired.
08th May 1997
We had our first exam today. I must have spent about half an hour on the toilet before making my way to the exam hall. My first exam was physics while Paul's was French, bet he's wishing that he took Spanish now. That said I think he's picked up the lingo quite well, although I can't speak a bloody word of it. Languages are not my thing. I've got my French exam later next week and it's really not one that I'm looking forward to. Not only do we have to do a paper but we have to read several pages of a book, we don't even know what book it's going to be as it's chosen at random. Then as if that wasn't bad enough we've got to get up in front of the class and examiner and speak about a subject for ten minutes. Why don't they push bamboo under my finger nails? It might be kinder and a lot less painful.
My exam finished an hour before Paul's so rather than wait around I decided to go back home and get some more study in for my history exam tomorrow. Paul's been acting a bit strange since he came back. I know, Paul's always acting strange as far as I'm concerned. If I have to be honest and this is my diary so if I can't be honest here then I can't at all, I'd say that I was hoping that Paul and I would carry on where we left off. It seems not. Although on the face of it Paul has been happy to be back I can tell that he's got something else or maybe someone else on his mind. I get the feeling that he's counting down the days before he can go back to where he now calls home.
I hope I haven't forced myself on him or anything. I've tried to initiate some kind of sex play a few times now, but he's not interested. He doesn't get angry if I try something but just either shrugs me away or says that he's not in the mood. Last night is a good example; we were both glued to our books and had been for the best part of three hours. He suddenly slammed the book down and announced that he'd never get this. I got up out of my chair and went round the table and started to massage his shoulders. It was only a friendly gesture to show him that I care. He shrugged my hands off and said that I wasn't helping. "Okay" I said "But you know we're in this together, if you're stressing and I can help, then I want to". He thanked me and smiled, then went back to his book.
Well I think I've stumbled across a major clue this afternoon when I got back from my exam. I booted up my computer and logged on to the net to see if I had any e-mail. Paul asked me if I would mind if he gave out my e-mail address to a couple of people who he wanted to stay in contact with. Of course I had no problem with that. So I'm downloading mail when an address pops up that I don't recognise as one of mine. I know I shouldn't have looked, it was Paul's. But curiosity got the better of me. It was from Spain. From someone called Arana. Arana it seems is a girl, is his girlfriend. The e-mail was very intimate and I felt really guilty after I read it. But at least I felt I had an explanation for the way that Paul's been acting since he got back.
I don't know what came over me, maybe anger, maybe jealousy and I'm not proud of what I did, but after reading the e-mail I deleted it. Paul got back about twenty minutes later to see me at my computer. He asked if he'd had any mail today, I hesitated then told him that he did, but by accident I deleted it. I must have apologised a dozen times. Of course I hadn't realised that I could undelete it as I'd not switched off my computer, it was still there somewhere. Fortunately Paul's much better at computers than I and managed to retrieve it.
I left the desk to give him some privacy and sat down on my bed, trying to read a book. Of course I wasn't reading, I was looking over at him. He smiled several times at the screen as he read his letter from his hot babe.
When he finished I asked him who Arana was, he looked down at the floor, I couldn't help feel that he didn't want me to know about her. Well I did now and for some strange reason I felt that I should know the whole story. Maybe sleeping dogs should have been left to lay.
He was silent for a few moments, as if he was trying to find the right words or something. When he spoke he kept his eyes to the floor.
"Arana is my girlfriend." He looked up to me for a reaction. I think I showed my poker face as he stared at me for what seemed like ages, trying to work out what I was thinking. He couldn't, as I don't think I was. "Dave, I know this might sound like crap but I don't want you to be hurt by this."
"What do you want?" I replied
"I want us to be like we've always been, friends. Like we were long before we ever did anything together. Dave, we've done stuff that I've not always been comfortable with, I've gone along with it but I sort of knew that it was wrong for me. Like I crossed a line between friendship and something else. What we've done together doesn't bother me, but I know that it's not me either. When I went off to Spain I left only thinking about you and what you mean to me. I guess the time and space apart helped me figure things out in my mind. Then I met Arana."
"So what are you saying, the more time we were apart the less I meant to you?"
"Not at all, I'll always love you, you have to know that. But I'll never be like you. I can't be something I'm not, not for you or anyone. I realised this when I met Arana. Have you ever been in love Dave? I mean really in love."
I couldn't answer. What could I say? Yeah, with you!
"Obviously not. Let me tell you that if you had then you'd know where I'm at. All I can think about is Arana, from the moment I wake to my dreams at night. I only have to hear her voice and I get goose bumps all over. When she says my name I hear the very voices of angels. Trust me Dave, when you meet the right girl you'll know what I mean."
"Paul, I'm not going to meet the right girl, I'm gay, or had you forgotten?"
"Sorry, slip of the tongue. When you meet the right guy then."
"What if I've already met the right guy and it turns out that he fancies girls?"
"Dave, don't confuse our friendship for something that it's not or ever has been."
"So you're telling me that you feel nothing for me?"
"No, that's not it at all. I just don't feel the same things as you do. I've grown up a lot in the last six months; I know what I am and what I want. Maybe in the past I was confused, stupid even, mistaking my love for you as something other than friendship. I never want to loose that friendship but I think it's time we put it into a clearer perspective."
He went on saying that we have to put the past behind us or our friendship will never grow. He reminded me that his life was now in Spain, which he loved. He said that as far as he was concerned he wanted to live out there for good. He told me more about Arana and how they met. She's the same age as us and works in a café near where he works part time in a moped hire shop. He's always loved bikes and he's hoping to get an apprenticeship there so he can become a mechanic. They've been dating for four months now and as far as he's concerned she's the one. I have to admit that I did feel, despite everything, happy for him. He clearly was in love and although I wished that it was with me I was happy that he had found someone. I told him as much and for the first time since he went away I felt that connection between us, the connection that goes beyond words or actions.
He asked me about Damien and I, I told him that we had a good time together. I loved being with Damien and I loved the sex that we had together. I spared Paul no detail and he showed no sign of jealousy. He was always ambivalent about Damien, he was in the minority there as most people loved him. I knew that he was jealous of him when he found out about us, he couldn't even mention his name without spiting venom. Now it was totally different, Maybe he wanted to show me that as far as he was concerned Damien wouldn't come between our friendship any more than Arana. The only thing between us was the physical distance. And then at least we had the internet and e-mail. It was something. After our long heart to heart chat he did something that really surprised me. We hugged then he leaned down and kissed me. I returned the kiss. I think we both felt relieved that we'd got over a whole load of crap that was building up, burying our friendship. I think for the first time in a long while we both felt at total ease with each other.
09th May 1997
When I finished yesterdays diary entry Paul and I went to bed. We'd spent the rest of the day studying together. Damien called in the evening and asked if we both wanted to meet up with him and some of the guys and hang out. I didn't feel up to it as I still had a lot of revision to do before the night was out. I asked Paul if he fancied taking a break and going out but he also wanted to stay in that night. Damien reminded me about a pool party one of the guys was having after the exams were done, "a total freedom party" as he put it. I hadn't forgot and said that we'd be there. I had missed seeing Damien, but I knew that I had to keep my head for the next couple of weeks. There is no way that I'm going to get any study done if I'm round his place.
I think our chat yesterday has really helped Paul and I. If it didn't then I'm sure I'd have been really confused about last night. It was the first time since he got back that we slept together in the nude. I'd just followed his lead as always and kept my underwear on as we went to sleep. I normally sleep in the nude or sometimes in a thong. I wear thongs about ninety percent of the time now, the rest of the time I'm in briefs. Paul's still mainly a boxer man. I got over my fear of mum finding my thongs in the wash and freaking. Steve told me that she'd washed his and had never said a word to him about it.
Up till last night there had been something that I couldn't explain that put a barrier between Paul and I. After last night I don't think anything will ever get between us again. For the first time we were totally at ease with each other, level playing field. We got undressed for bed and I didn't feel the sexual tension that used to accompany that. When we got into bed we just fell into each others arms and kissed goodnight. Okay so I have to admit that I popped a boner when we kissed. Hey, I'm a red blooded gay sixteen year old, what do you want from me?
At least I wasn't the only one to be in that state, I felt Paul's hardness pressing on me. I looked at him and he shrugged his shoulders. As if in one thought between the both of us we knew that it wasn't about sex or anything. We fell asleep still in each others arms, still as hard as wood. It felt good and it felt right.
21st May 1997
Exams are over, finished yesterday. Yippeee! Freedom, at least until I get my results and find out if I'm in sixth form collage next September.
Things between Paul and I are good, there's a totally new understanding between us and I really think that we are finally comfortable with who and what we and each other are. Paul has finally admited that he does have an small bi streak running through him, but is predominately straight. Over the past couple of weeks I've seen him and I can honestly say that Paul in love is a great sight to behold. He's told me everything about Arana and I have to say that I like the sound of her. We've chatted over ICQ a couple of times and I really hope I can get to meet her this summer. I was surprised that she knew as much about me as she did, even down the past nature of Paul's and my relationship. She even said that now she had spoke to me she was glad that he was staying with me and not spending his time chasing after the English girls. I guess that's good?
I was also surprised how open he was with her. He was chatting with her the evening after we did something more than just cuddle in bed. He told her what we'd done. He didn't go into detail but told her more than I thought a boyfriend should. I mean some people could think of it like he was cheating. Not Arana, she repeated that at least when he was with me he wasn't out with any girls. Weird huh?
It was a couple of nights before our last exams. We decided to take a night off of the revising. We went round to Steve and Simons' Paul hadn't seen Steve since he got back and hadn't met Simon before then. They fixed us a great meal and we spent the evening chatting about all kinds of stuff.
When we got home and up to my room I said that I needed a shower. The weather has been really hot these past few days and I felt a bit hot and sticky. I was also feeling hot in other ways. I'd not had sex for a couple of weeks and although being in bed with Paul was nice it wasn't a proper release. I was going to have a wank in the shower but for some reason that I can't pinpoint I decided not to.
When I got back into my room Paul was sitting at my computer just in his boxer shorts, putting the finishing touches to an e-mail to Arana. He clicked send and the switched my PC off. He spun round in the chair and looked at me and smiled. I was drying myself off at the time. He told me that he'd had a great night and despite the exams he'd had a great time staying with me. He then went on that he'd got me a present to say thanks. I told him that it wasn't necessary. He shushed me up then stood up from the chair. Then he put his hands down the sides of his shorts and pulled them off. Two things happened, one, my eyes popped out on their stalks, and two he revealed underneath his shorts that he was wearing a black see-through g-string. It was so small that it could only just about contain his package.
"You like?" he asked
You bet I did. He then said that he bought it over from Spain for me. He'd been waiting for the right moment to give it to me. Now seemed as good a time as any.
"You want it?" he asked. I nodded. "Then come and get it."
I walked over to him and placed my hands on his hips. I traced the very small waistband all the way round till my hands were resting on his arse cheeks. He wasn't hard before I did that but now his tool had escaped over the waistband of the small pouch and was pointing near north. I looked up at him and with a smile he nodded. I got down on my knees and took hold of his erection and eased it slowly into my mouth. I moved one hand from his butt and took hold of his balls, still encased within the flimsy material of his pouch.
I sucked on him, harder and harder, till I thought he was about to cum. Just before the magic moment he pulled me off him and said "Not yet". He motioned me to get up and I did. He whipped the g-string off and cast it aside. His hard on all slippery from my saliva bobbing about slapping his belly as he moved.
"How about it?"
I looked at him. He pointed down at his dick
"Do you want this?"
Of course I did. I got down on the bed and prepared myself for Paul's love meat. I laid down and he got in between my legs, I lifted them on to his shoulders and he leaned in and kissed me. With one swift motion he was up in me. Slowly we made love. Although his technique was not as homed as Damien's, who after all was an expert, he made up for it with sheer determination. Less than two weeks ago I thought we'd never again be in this position. Paul was a total enigma to me and full of surprises. Gone was the self deluding person in denial. Here was someone who was in full control of his mind. He knew what he wanted and that there really was no conflict within.
I guess Paul is one of those straight guys who from time to time likes to have sex with other guys.
24th May 1997
Paul's gone back to Spain. I don't know, I know I'm going to miss him, but this time I'm not so sad. I guess seeing him happy helps. We may be far away, but I know that we'll always be friends.
With the exams over I'm really looking forward to my holiday. Ibiza is going to be so great. There's about fifteen of us going, we've booked some rooms in an apartment complex, it's one of those pay once and get as much food and drink as you like places. I'm going to be sharing a room with Damien, of course and Peter and John have the other room in our apartment. It's now been nick named the gay room by the others. Yep there've been some developments I should have put this in my diary a couple of days ago but I've not had the time to write lately.
I guess it all happened at the party. Michael Silverstone had a post exam freedom party at his parents place. They're rich and have got a pool in their garden. Everyone was there that night, Paul came but left before midnight as he had to be up early to visit some of his family the next day.
I'm trying to remember how it all happened as it's still a bit of a blur. I remember Peter and John making a big announcement, everyone stopped what they were doing to hear what they had to say. Basically they came out to everyone. It was old news to quite a few of us as their not exactly discreet, but I thing they felt it was time to be honest or something. I was proud of them and sort of wondered if I should come out myself. I think Damien had the same thought. After Peter and John's big announcement he came up to me and asked what I was feeling at that time. I think I said that I was proud of them. Damien replied that he was as well, then we kissed. It was just a small peck, I didn't think that anyone was watching as eyes were still on the happy couple. I was wrong. Someone shouted out that it looked like a gay conspiracy and now everyone's going to come out. They all turned round to see Damien and I just finishing our kiss. I went bright red. Coming out wasn't really what I'd planned to do anytime soon. I'm not sure that Damien had either, but there we have it and we couldn't take it back. Okay, so I guess we could have said we were mucking about but it didn't occur to us at the time. Looking back I'm glad it happened. Now all our friends know and I've not had any of the reactions that I thought I might have. No one seems to have a problem with it. I heard a couple of people say that they had guessed as much. One of the girls in our group, Emily came up to me and asked if I was sure. I was hanging outside drinking with a couple of the guys at the time. I told her that I was sure, she then said that if I ever wanted to be converted she'd be happy to oblige. She added that she felt that it was her civic duty. The other guys in earshot barracked me saying that I should at least give it a go. I pretended that I was giving the idea some thought then said `Nah'. They grabbed hold of me and chucked me into the pool. It was a good night, and so far I really don't think that the whole world knowing about me being gay has made a difference.
When I say the whole world I don't mean the two people who I really should tell, my parents. I don't know why but I can't get my head round telling them. I spoke to Steve about it a while back. He hasn't come out to them yet either, although I wonder if they've guessed. On the one hand it could look like he and Simon are just flatmates, on the other they much have noticed that there's only one bed in their bedroom at their flat. Steve said that he had planned to but is waiting for the right time. When is that? When's the right time to drop what could be a bombshell on your folks?
`Hi mum and dad. You know you have two son's that you love, well we hope that you're not thinking about grand kids'
I have an added problem, in that the person I call dad isn't really my dad after all. Since I've had that revelation things have been okay between us. I get the feeling he's really trying to let me know that he still loves me as his own. Actually he's been trying too hard and that in itself has been a bit odd. Maybe I should tell them, there've been too many secrets in this family. I just hope that they are okay with it. I suppose in the end what choice do they have? The worst they could do is disown me and chuck me out of home. I think despite everything I do know them and they'll never do that. I hope.
07th June 1997
We're here. In an apartment just outside San Antonio. We arrived last night just after midnight. The flight from Gatwick was on time, which I was told is a miracle. Apparently air traffic control in Spain go on strike every holiday season, buggering up peoples fun. The flight was just under two hours and there was a half an hour wait for our luggage. By the time we go to the apartments it was gone one in the morning. Not that it mattered to anyone; we dumped our stuff in our rooms and went off to the nearest bar. Food and booze is supposed to be free at the complex, but they stop serving after midnight. I guess we'll just have to get tanked up before we go out in future.
I got back to the apartment about four in the morning. Still being on London time it was only two am to me. I was still tried though. I left the bar the same time as Peter and John, Damien stayed on with the rest of the crowed. I'm not sure what time he got in as I remember waking up when he got into bed with me. He kissed me on the cheek and said goodnight. I looked towards the window and saw that it was almost light, then drifted off again.
We both woke up around noon, about an hour ago. I'm just waiting for him to finish showering then we're going to get the other together and go to the beach. Catch some rays, play some volleyball, eye up the talent. That kind of thing. I'm a bit nervous about going though. Damien had an idea that we should all wear thongs on this holiday. His point was that we'd stand out from the rest of the crowd. That we will. Everyone's up for it. Funny, where Damien goes the sheep will follow. Baah! Yep I must be a sheep as well. On the plus side, I get to see fourteen gorgeous guys in thongs for the holiday. That, I'm looking forward to. I was surprised that Adrian Redbourne said he'd go for it, I'm not saying that he's fat, big boned maybe. He's actually a very fit guy, plays rugby and football all the time. But to look at him, you wouldn't know it. He's the nicest guy once you get to know him, he'd do anything for you and I'm glad to count him as a friend. I wonder if he'll go ahead with the thong idea?
08th June 1997
Yesterday when we went to the beach we caused a bit of a stir. Damien was right, we did stand out from the crowd. I spotted only a couple of other guys in thongs, European looking guys. There were a few in Speedos and just about everyone else in shorts. We got the volley ball net set up and by the time we started playing we had quite an audience. Some girls joined in, much to the delight of the str8 guys in our gang. I think everyone of them pulled yesterday. It's not surprising, fifteen guys mostly good looking ones, wearing next to nothing. Hell I couldn't keep my mind on the game for most of the time. My eyes kept on drifting towards the odd pouch or two.
Too bad most of them are straight. I'd seen Damien in a thong, plenty of times, but apart from the occasional sighting of some briefer underwear at school and the odd shower scene I'd not seen much of the other guys.
Okay, here's some fun. A marks out of ten thing. Let me see.
Let's start of course with Damien. Foregone conclusion. 10 out of 10. Nuff said.
Peter and John, as they're joined at the hip, I'll lump their score together. 8 out of 10. They loose marks for not wanting to be in on a foursome with Damien and me. Pity, they're hot.
Danny Corfe. Well built, must work out or as well as being a good ball player. Good body, not much in the package department. But as I'm not exactly hung like a donkey I'll not deduct marks for that. I'll give him 7. Room for improvement.
Michael Silverstone. He's got one of those all year round tan types of skin. Must be because he's Jewish. Really dark hair and eyes that look almost black. If the weather stays as hot as it has been so far he'll come back home looking black. 8 out of 10. He chose one of Damien's brightest colour thongs, neon yellow. It looks really good on him, he said that it was the first time he ever tried on one, but he looks so natural in it. Unlike:
Stuart Boldon. I never thought he'd be the most self conscious out of us. He's normally so self assured, so confident in himself. I don't know what he had to worry about, if I had a body like his I'd have no problem wanting to show it off. He was the only guy to argue about Damien's idea. He took a lot of persuading and bullying. Okay, maybe we should have left him be, but Damien was adamant that we all did it. Eventually he relented. Even so he was the last to take off his shorts when we got to the beach. In fact we had to pull them off for him. Score 7 out of ten, loosing marks because he spent a lot of the afternoon looking like he was uncomfortable. He kept on picking out the back strap of his thong out from between his cheeks. Saying something about bloody butt floss. Some guys are beyond help.
Adrian Redbourne: He did it, I'll give him that. Picture a guy about 6 foot 2, built like a brick shithouse, but not much of it looks like muscle. He's as strong as an ox and will drink anyone under the table. 5 points for effort. Cut the booze, might make a difference.
Chris Sutherland: After Damien he's the hottest guy in our year. I wonder of what Damien said about him being interested in me was true? Damien swears that it is. Funny though he spent most of yesterday chatting some girl up on the beach, then taking her back to his apartment, where I have it on good authority gave her a good seeing to. He's got to get a 9. That guy is so hot, he wore one of Damien's skimpier thongs, more of a g-string then a thong really. He's got the body and he knows it. After Damien I'd say that Chris looked the most natural wearer of a thong in our group, he couldn't wait to take his shorts off when we got to the beach. I've never seen a tighter pair of buns in my life; I'm sprouting wood just thinking about them. Moving on.
Rob and Richard Ramsey or the three R's as we call them. They're identical twins, not what you'd call gorgeous, I guess on their own they look kind of plain. Together there's something about them that's hot. They really are identical, it's not until you get to know them that you can tell them apart. When they are together you can see subtle differences and I get on with Rob more than Richard. Rob's a really sweet guy, a bit quite, while Richard is more self obsessed. He likes to be centre of attention and is very loud. I guess that if you're half of a set then you have to make yourself as individual as you can. Thongwise I'll give them both 6. I'd have added another point if they hadn't done the twin thing and chosen identical thongs to wear.
Brian Telford. You just got to know that guy's going to get sunstroke at some point this week. He's a ginger nut, with very milky white skin. One day in the sun and he's already bright red. Not a bad body though and looks more hotter in a thong than I thought he would. Black is definitely his colour. 7 points. Actually no, I'm going to give him 8. After the beach when we got back to our rooms he came in to borrow my after sun cream that I said he could. He asked me to rub it in for him as most of his burning was on his back. He stripped off his shorts but left his thong on and I spent the next twenty minutes rubbing cream on his body from head to toe and ended up giving him a full massage. When I asked if he wanted me to do his front he sounded embarrassed when he said that he would deal with it. I handed him the tube and he got up. He was quick to get his shorts on but I couldn't help notice that he had a hard on. I'd never thought of Brian as being at all gay. Nice to know I could turn him on. He left my room in a bit of a hurry. I wonder if when he got back to his apartment he wanked himself off? If he did I wonder if he was thinking of me or the blond girl he was chatting up earlier on the beach?
Brian Telford's best friend is Anthony Marloes. Out of all the guys I know Anthony the least, it's nothing personal, it's just that I don't really have anything to say to him. All he talks about is girls and cars. Two subjects that I know or care very little about. Sure cars are good, they get you to places and I can't wait to pass my drivers test, but they're just things. How can someone be so passionate about them? As for Girls, well as much as I like them as friends I wouldn't want to test drive one. Brian is another football player and had last years top goal score. He's got a great body and thanks to the thong he was wearing I detected a very nice sized package. Rivalling even Damien's. Sorry, maybe I'm turning into a size queen. 9 points.
Gary Hindon. One of the only guys that doesn't put me to shame. He's the same height as me, nearly 5' 8" and just as skinny. Every group of people has a mouthy guy in it and Gary's ours. It's like he just has to open his mouth and he's in a fight with someone. I think he gets off on the knowledge that if he is in trouble there are plenty of his mates to back him up. That aside, I have to say that I like him. He's got a great sense of humour when he's not trying to act the big guy. I'm going to give him 8 points. Thanks to the red skimpy thong that he chose I couldn't help notice that despite his height and build he was really packing something that looked like it should have been on a bigger guy. Yep! I'm definitely turning into a size queen. Thinking about it I'm going to deduct a point for nearly starting a fight with a couple of guys on the beach. He thought that one of them was laughing at him and his beachwear. It could have got ugly if we hadn't all stepped in and calmed things down. Prozac was invented for guys like Gary.
And that leaves Mark Pewsey. Voted in our year book, most likely to become a hairdresser. This guy is so camp it's unbelievable. The thing is that he's not gay. He may have a great sense of style and his best friend since juniors is a girl called Sarah Hame. But looks fool the best of us. I have it on good authority that he's not gay. Damien says so and he can spot a gay guy at fifty paces. Add this to the evidence, he's got the longest score sheet out of all the people who keep score of how many girls they've been with. He didn't even wait till we got to Ibiza to pull. He got hold of some girl at the check in, then another on the plane. Yep, he also looks good in a thong and yes he pulled when we were on the beach too. 7 points.
So that concludes the votes of the David jury.
I've only been here for a day or so but I think I'm going to love it here. Ibiza is so alive, it's like one giant party. We went out clubbing last night, everyone went wild. I had the best time and I'm not even really a clubby person.
Damien pulled some Swedish guy, they disappeared for the rest of the evening. I got propositioned by a couple of guys but I didn't really fancy them. It's funny that you get such a good mix of people, you wouldn't call the club that we went to either gay or straight. Gary nearly got into a fight when some German guy tried to chat him up, a few of us stepped in and dragged him away. It could have been bad as just after we calmed him down one of the club bouncers came over to us and warned that we'd be banned if we caused any trouble.
I'm not sure we'll be going back to that club anyway as it cost twenty quid to get in and each drink was about a fiver. I think tonight we're just going to go to a few of the bars close to the apartments.
09th June 1997
My head hurts. I feel like shit. I'm never going to drink again. Ever. It must be my build or something, Being a just under five foot eight skinny runt that I am I guess there's no room to soak up alcohol. I'm sure I only had four pints. Everyone else seemed to have double that, spirits as well. They all seemed okay, compared to me anyway. At least I didn't spend the night puking. That was left for this morning when I woke. I've decided to stay in the complex today, everyone else has gone off to the beach. Damien was a bit worried about leaving me on my own and said that he wanted to stay with me just to make sure I was okay. I said that I could do with the time alone anyway and would go down to the pool if I felt like going out. That way should I need to throw up again I wouldn't be far from a place where I could. Damien was still hesitant about leaving and asked if the reason that I wanted to be alone was because he copped off with some bloke the other night. Of course it wasn't and I told him so. Eventually he left to join the others, but not before I assured him that I would be okay.
He had nothing to worry about. I wasn't jealous that he got off with someone else. I don't own him and he doesn't own me. That's just reminded me of what happened last night and why I got so drunk. We all met up at the bar across the street from the complex, during the day we'd separated into smaller groups of people doing different things. I went off with Damien down to the shops to see what was about. We got back to our room in the early afternoon and made love until evening. Anyway so we're at the first bar and about to move on to the next one. At that point I'd only had one beer and was feeling a bit merry. Then Chris Sutherland came up to me and we started chatting. I could tell that he's had a couple more to drink then I but he wasn't really drunk. Anyway, you know what they say, be careful what you wish for, it may come true. It did and now I'm wondering why I wished for it in the first place. Chris suggested that we went back to my room to get it on. He told me how he was waiting for a chance to get me on my own and now's a good a time as any. Of course I went for it.
We got back to my room and we stripped off. I was hoping that he might be wearing the g-string that he borrowed from Damien, nothing turns me on more than seeing a hot guy in a g-string or a thong. Unfortunately he wasn't but he did have a nice black bikini brief on. I stepped towards him and put my hands down the back of his bikini and gave his muscular globes a good feel. Man they were hard. He then pulled the thong down that I was wearing and grabbed hold of my cock. He was a bit too rough for my liking and I told him so. He apologised then got down on his knees in front of me. I remember hearing that the worst thing in the world was a bad blow job. I have to concur. He was all teeth. Ouch! I guess thinking about it he may have been a bit anxious, maybe even a bit intimidated. He knew that Damien and I had been together a lot and that Damien is something of an expert.
It's funny, while I know that he was trying his best, I also knew that he wasn't into it as he was trying to be. I wonder if there are guys that are so desperate to be cool, to be seen as bi is pretty cool I suppose. Somehow I think that Chris Sutherland will end up straight at least I hope so, if his attempt at a blow job is anything to go by. I remember Damien saying that Chris was crap in bed. I'll not even go into the bit where he asked me if he could fuck me. Okay, so I will. I replied that he could if I could do him first. He told me that he wasn't really into that. So I said fine then I'm not into it either. We left it there, well apart from a few really sloppy kisses as we got dressed. I guess that not everyone can have everything. He may have the looks of a Greek god or something, but he really had no idea. Maybe I shouldn't be so hard on him, we've all got to start somewhere. But somehow I don't think it's going to be me that he's going to be practising on. Pity, although I suppose I'm more of what people call a bottom, as in I prefer to be fucked. I'd have loved it if I could have fucked Chris' arse, like I've dreamt about in the past. I've also dreamed about him doing me. To be honest I don't think that would have happened anyway. I couldn't help notice that he wasn't very hard during most of what we were doing.
We went back out to the street to catch up with the guys and that's when I got totally sloshed.
So I'm now writing this journal by the pool. I went down around eleven and have been sunbathing for a couple of hours now. I'm writing now to keep my mind off of the sight that's around me down by the poolside. There's this family about ten or so feet away. I think they're German, I can't understand what they're saying and not being any good at languages I'm guessing German. There's five of them and they're all in thongs. I kind of wish that I was wearing mine now. I bottled it and am wearing a pair of shorts. I don't think I could do the thong thing in public on my own.
Anyway, the oldest guy, I'm guessing the father is probably around his late thirties and had a fit body. A bit hairy but still nice. The woman, his wife? Is topless with a very small thong. Then there are three kids. Two youngsters, one boy one girl. Probably about ten or eleven. Then there's the oldest. I reckon he's about my age, maybe a bit older. Hot doesn't even begin cover it. Neither does his thong. Or at least it's putting up a big struggle. He's huge, putting the guy I presume to be his father in the shade. Putting most of the male spices in the shade. Of course I'm only seeing the packaging here but I bet when he's hard he's bigger than Damien, thinking about it I bet he's even bigger than Hayden. He's also wearing an unusual thong. It's a bright red lycra one. From behind all three straps are held together by a metal ring. That's going to leave an odd tan line. Okay so now on to the body. He must spend a lot of time in the gym. He's got muscles on muscles. He's quite tall, about 6' 2" or so, his chest is huge and looks out of proportion to the rest of him. His waist size is probably no bigger than mine. He looks a bit odd but really sexy. He's got the most perfect arse that I've ever seen, sort of a bubble butt. I've watched him turn around and flex it a few times. So here I am, laying face down on my sun bed, writing this diary, trying to hide some serious wood in my shorts. Anymore of this and I'm going to have to make a quick dash up to my room and I don't mean to be sick. Which incidentally I don't feel anymore.
Oh my god. He's looking in my direction. Shit we've made eye contact and he's smiling. He's heading in this direction. Oh help!
To be continued...