Date: Sun, 15 Aug 2004 13:20:20 -0400 From: Just Jake Subject: Dear Journal II (high school) This story is a work of fiction and any resemblances to any person or written works are purely coincidental. The author retains all rights to the work, and requests that in any use of this material that my rights are respected. Please do not copy or use this story in any manner without my permission. It may contain consensual sex between young men, or at least thoughts of it. You've found this site like the rest of us so the assumption is that material of this nature does not offend you. If it does, or it is illegal for you to view this content for whatever the reason please just keep on passing by. Hopefully you liked Part 1 of this new story. I'm trying to keep it at least as real as From the Heart of a Little Guy, if not even more honest. (Like I've said at the end of that story, sort of ignore the "Flash Forward to Today Ending" and it will flow seamlessly I hope.) Thanks for reading! As always, please read of your own free will, and direct any positive comments, constructive criticism or general feedback to: mission_hockey_4_life@hotmail.com. * * * * * * * * * * * * Dear Journal: Songs define so many feelings and situations. In the moment, my mind is always pulling up lyrics from the depths of memory. Hundreds of songs come to mind relating to the loss of love. Often ballads. They seem so beautiful when you are in love that you don't really focus on the subject matter, but once your hearts been hurt like I said, literally hundreds come to mind. Normally when I feel loss I've favoured Dokken's Alone Again, but lately all I keep thinking of is this one song. It's old now, it's from a mostly unknown band named Europe. In fact it was bootlegged from a 1989 concert in Los Angeles at the famed Wisky-A-Gogo where they sampled new songs under a phony name of Le Baron Boys. Mom and Dad were there for the concert, and along with Mom, Deanna has taught me all I know about music and 80's hair bands. Journal this is the song: I Don't Know How To Love No More , by Europe. I need you here tonight, your body next to mine. I haven't seen you for a while, no. I need your tender kiss, the touch of your finger tips, I haven't seen you for some time now. I need to touch you like I used to do before, Though I have touched you girl a million times or more. I don't know how to love no more, I don't know what I'm waiting for. Take me to your arms my friend and teach me how to love again. I don't know how to cry no more, so tell me what I'm living for, Take me to your arms my friend and teach me how to love again. Yeah, teach me. I need you here tonight, to squeeze you and hold you tight, To feel your skin so close to mine. I wonder where you are, so near but yet so far, Your name is always on my mind, oh. I need to touch you like I used to do before, Though I have touched you girl a million times or more. I don't know how to love no more, I don't know what I'm waiting for. Take me to your arms my friend and teach me how to love again. I don't know how to cry no more, so tell me what I'm living for, Take me to your arms my friend and teach me how to love again. C'mon teach me. Oooh yeah teach me. Yeah. Oh, oh, oh, c'mon teach me. I need you here tonight, your body next to mine. I haven't seen you for a while, no. I need your tender kiss, the touch of your finger tips, I've been longing for some time now. Oh, I need to touch you like I used to do before, Though I have touched you girl a million times or more C'mon and teach me. Oh, oh, oh. I don't know how to love no more, I don't know what I'm waiting for. Take me to your arms my friend and teach me how to love again. I don't know how to cry no more, so tell me what I'm living for, Take me to your arms my friend and teach me how to love again. I don't know how to love no more. No, I don't know what I'm waiting for, no. I don't know how cry no more, no, no. No I don't know how to love no more, no. So yeah, Journal, I've played that song to death in my head, here on the computer with my earphones, and on my discman. Can you figure why? Yup, it fits me almost perfectly, just drop the `girl' part. I feel lost and I want Daniel back so bad. But again, I can't have him. So instead listening to this song somehow makes me secretly feel good. How sick and twisted is that? And this weekend. Leap Day with Tim, Neil and Tania. It was O.K. I guess. I had a good time if I let myself be honest, although I'm sure I was a sourpuss. Then Tim was so nice. What's his angle anyway? What's the story with him? He's nice, good looking, great body, engaging personality, neither a freak nor a geek, and yet no girlfriend. It's almost strange. In that regard, I can almost see why he's labeled a fag. And why is he suddenly giving a shit about me? I mean sure, I want to be friendly to him. Yes, I want to have a friend. I think he and Neil are alright. Tania has always been cool to me too. So why then do I act like a heel when they're just being there for me? And still, can't they see that I still just want to be left alone with my pain? Yes, I've decided I want it all. Is there anything so wrong with that? Then again, no, I don't want anything really but to be left alone to deal with things. I know I'm gay. No big news flash there Journal. I want cock. I love cock. Yes, I'm past the personal denial. But I'm not past the social denial. I screwed up Friday night, I really think Tim thinks I'm gay. He was constantly half joking about it. I THINK. I don't KNOW, though. Ah, man! Someone please either put a gun to my head and pull the trigger or paint me the rainbow colors and send me out into public, or better still; just make it all go away! I want to be out and say to hell with the consequences! I want to be left alone from scrutiny, to be who I am. I want to be accepted and liked. But then I get nervous. People will think things, they'll say things. Can I really handle that? Yet? No, I know I can't handle being `out' yet. So, I'll compromise with you Journal. Here's what I'll do. I'll deny it. Yeah, I'll deny it and let people think whatever. And with Tim, if his thing is that he wants to be my friend because Neil isn't going to be as available for him now that he's with Tania then I'll deny it too, but not as strongly and not immediately. The next time he brings it up maybe I'll play like I didn't hear him and the time after that I'll give a pause for show before saying `I love pussy, yum, yum, yum' or something macho and heterosexual. And then there's Mom. I want her to be happy. You know what, I don't really care that she's dating. If she is dating. I don't even care if it is Coach Maynes. Friday I was selfish because it was my defense, I was focused on my walls that needed to be protected at all costs. She could certainly do worse than a guy who's fault would be what, that he actually gave a shit about his students? Hell, what if he finds he gives a shit about her too? Part 2: New Friends It's Monday morning, the phone rings. I've slept in past my alarm, I stay in bed after the phone's been answered. Then I get blasted. Lacey slams my door open and throws my school bag at my head. Good thing there's nothing in it, like school books or something! Deanna acts like my Mom sometimes, but she is 10 years older than me and that's her prerogative I guess as she helped raise us. Now Lacey, she's only one year older than me, where does she get off doing that? "Wake the fuck up Moody! You're so dead if you don't go to school today. Oh, and the phone is for you. It's a boy. He wants to know if you want a ride to school." Lacey is also loud, always loud. She has a bit of a mean streak when she wants to, this morning she is in fine form as she teases me, "You've found a new boyfriend already? Don't make you're boyfriend wait! Get your ass out of bed and answer the phone." My heart jumped when she said it's a boy, I thought fleetingly that it might be Daniel. But I quickly figured it was Tim. But what a bitch Lacey is this morning calling Tim my boyfriend, she must have a test or something today. If only she really knew. Would she still tease me? She thought it was funny, all the crap at school with rumors about Daniel and I holding each other's hands. Yeah like we really were holding hands. He slipped and I grabbed his hand to steady him. That's it, that's all. I'm not fucking stupid, hold a guy's hand in school and get sodomized or my head kicked in or even beaten to death? Have a so called friend come after me with a bat? I think not! Still, Lacey started in on the bandwagon at home when it was just family. At school thankfully she defended me as much as she dared without making me look like a sissy because I had my older sister defending me. Candace on the other hand just blows people off. She told people that said shit to her that she thought it was funny, them calling me a fag or whatnot, because their mother was in my bed that morning when she got up. Candace is two years older than me, and is only a morning student, trying to upgrade a bad mark she got in English class for college acceptance. She's only at school half a day anyway. Scratching my crotch from one corner of the kitchen to the other to gross out Lacey in retaliation for her bitchiness this morning I grab the phone, "Hey." "You know, it's amazing; you never shut up do you Farrows? You're certainly not a man of few words anyhow! No, you always just keep talking till someone tells you to hush up! Anyway, do you wanna lift to school? Neil's walking with Tania. Make me gag." "What, is this step two of Coach Maynes `Get Jon Farrows To Class' project for you?" "Whatever, don't be a cheesedick. If you wanna lift let me know, I'm leaving in five minutes." "Yeah sure, that'd be cool I guess." I race through the shower and down a glass of juice just in time when Tim pulled into the driveway. Stepping outside, to further get at Lacey I laugh at her that she has to walk and taunt her not to be late. Getting to school I go to every class today. I eat lunch with Tim, Neil and Tania at the mall. Neil and Tim want to workout after school so I walk home by myself and get started on all of the stuff I need to get caught up on. So far school comes pretty easy for me, but I think I have also developed decent learning and studying habits. By the time I'm heading home Tim has called me a cheesedick at least a dozen times today. I guess it's his word of the day. All in all, if anything today I have found balance. Tuesday's pretty much the same, except Tim goes to the gym alone while Neil goes somewhere with Tania. I have a 5 - 8 shift at the restaurant so I bus straight to work from school and do my homework there before starting. After I'm done Tim is out in the parking lot waiting for me and catches me as I set out for the bus stop. He asks if I want to catch a movie, but I tell him I'd rather not as I didn't contribute much money at home in February and I want to make up for it this month. Plus Coach Maynes, Larry I guess, is taking my Mom out for dinner and a movie. So instead Tim invites me over to his place to play playstation. I have an alright time and before I know it I end my first full day without physically crying over Daniel. I work at the mall the next two nights. My regular shifts at the music store are Wednesday nights and Saturday mornings, plus I had traded off my Saturday last week but the catch was that I had to work the girls Thursday night shift instead. So before you know it, it's Friday night again. Friday nights become the night that Neil and Tania, Tim and I got together and do something, whether it was a pool party, bowling, a movie, going to some carnival or festival, or just whatever. Pretty much guaranteed Saturday, Sunday and Monday nights I work at the restaurant, so that leaves Tuesday, Thursday and Friday nights and after work for my social time and homework. Most of my work and homework free time other than Friday nights I spent with Tim. I've stayed over at his place every Friday since Leap day. This has all become a routine and day by day, it's just a matter of time for me; how to occupy myself to avoid missing Daniel. Little by little I come to an acceptance that he is gone and I have to move on. The one exception has been this past Friday. Tim dropped me off at home rather than having me over for the night. More so he dropped me off early and was on his cell phone before he was even out my driveway. Strange behaviour for him. I've tried to think every moment of the night through and see what happened, where I went wrong. I can't come up with anything, but I am all insecure that he has discovered I'm queer and doesn't want to share a bed with me. I don't blame him, I probably wouldn't either if I was straight. Even if I knew that the guy, me in this case, hasn't made a move. So I guess if that's it then I can understand. Coach is usually over a couple times a week, after football practice when Mom isn't working late at the grocery store, and usually picks her up and drops her off when she works at the liquor store. At 43 he's two years younger than Mom, but at that age I guess a couple years isn't such a divide as it is to us when we're in our teens. He's really respectful that he's an outsider, not trying to step on my toes as Mom's boyfriend, instead if he has to step on my toes it's as my Vice Principal, and only at school. Outside of school I guess he's O.K. I don't have any reason to hate him, he's a nice guy, he was really cool to Daniel and I and he's really nice to Mom and us. It's just weird, that's all. I don't want to share my life with some strange man, but it's not my choice I know. Mom's happy and is trying for the first time in years to care about her appearance, she's wearing make-up again and has bought new clothes for the first time in forever. She actually looks good, I can see how she was even prettier than Deanna, who guys comment on as sexy. In June this year I am again volunteering along with Tim, Tania, Neil to help with the graduation ceremony like we had with Daniel last year before. (Yeah, that fateful night when Daniel and I got stoned and beat off to a story on Nifty. I then gave him head for the first time and he gave me a hand job for the first time. We woke up naked in the same bed that morning with his mom and Uncle absolutely ballistic that we'd smoked up.) This year, to get on that committee you have to be a part of the events organization, and naturally Coach had pushed us all towards that. So this of course meant that we had to be involved in our school's April Fool's Day Bizarre- Bazaar. It was a fun day where we get to host a school carnival for all the grade 8 students from all of the feeder schools that come to the high school for a tour and orientation. It was especially fun because it fell on a Tuesday and has broken up a potentially dull week. Word had been spreading of a bush party happening tonight so I desperately beg my sister Deanna to work a double shift and at the music store. As assistant manager she doesn't like working as an hourly with the other assistant manager, but she heard the excitement in my voice and caved in for me. Later that night I went along with Neil and Tania, Tim to Virginia Point for the evening. It's great to get to the beach and ocean again, the last time I had been was at least 6 years ago when Mom still had a car. I'm all excited, there are a lot of people our age there from schools all over, and lots of beer and pot that everyone seem all too willing to share. As expected Neil and Tania disappear after making gooey eyes together for too long and then Tim started chatting up this girl from a neighbouring school. I actually know her, sort of, as she had been at more than a few parties with people from our school and is one of Tania's friends. But really, she's a girl. Not to be mean to the supposed `fairer sex' but let's face it, the only reason this queer (me) can distinguish between them and things like, oh say, the floor and walls is that women walk and talk. Anyhow, this girl's best friend is there with us. Stacey Smith. Much more importantly however is that Stacey's boyfriend Paul Hunter is also there. HELLO CUTIE! I never realized until this moment how much he `does it' for me. He's a fucking god to look at! It's a good thing I'm wearing loose cargo's because I pop a boner over this guy. Tim's trying to give me the slip. Nah Tim, sorry, I know you're trying to get me to give you a few minutes to talk Natalie Wilson up, but if I don't stick with you how do I get to meet this guy. So in figuring out a way of giving Tim some time, to which I might also benefit, I try a casual approach with Paul, "Hey man, got a beer I can bum?" Pointing to an ice chest full of Bud and Bud Lite he whispers, "Shit, they're not mine, don't know who's really, but help yourself, I have." Point of fact; I hate beer! I mean to grab a manly Bud. Of course I come up with a Bud Lite. Then I try to twist the cap, but it and my hands are wet and I slip. Cool, very cool. I'm going flush, I can feel it in my face, thankfully it is dusk and the glow from the fire pit hides this fact rather than betrays it. Paul takes the beer from my hand, pulls out his keys and pops the cap off with fineness. "The beer's free, that'll cost you a buck though." Hahaha. I laugh, "Funny, I'll just grab another one then." And I reach for a Bud this time. I look at Tim. Way to go buddy, Natalie is drooling all over you! Hmmm. Funny, so is Stacey. I make a gesture, wiping my mouth and chin behind the girls backs so that only Tim can see, and then I manage to open the Bud. Good, I'm making a better impression this try than the wimpy `I can't open a beer bottle to save my life' one just moments ago. Right up until the first sip. It's bitter, my face contorts against my will. Paul laughs at me. Guzzling the last of his Bud he takes the Bud from my hand and gives me the Lite instead. "You better stick to this, lightweight." He jokes. Hearing this Stacey turns to him and snidely remarks, "Who's the lightweight?" "Fuck you, Cunt!" Paul retorts and motions me to start walking with him. "Fuck my cunt? Really? Well there's an idea, maybe YOU should try it! That's right Paulie, turn your back on me again. You sick asshole!" Stacey shouts as we walk away. He apologizes, "Sorry about that. Don't mind her, she's a bitch in case you hadn't clued in. Makes me sick, that I have to deal with her shit." O.K. here's my chance, it's really happening, I get to talk to this god! Don't screw it up, "What do you mean?" "I don't know. It's like we're seeing each other, but since she got pregnant and then had Belinda things have been weird. I don't know if she's even still my girlfriend anymore. I hear she's not, but she's never said anything to me. Would you ask her though? So I just play Daddy and put up with her shit." To my simple question I expected a typically simple answer like `she's fucked' or something similar, not a complex and overly informative answer. He gets right to it, "Man, you got anything to burn?" "Yeah, I got a few." I respond. "Sweet, I just knew you'd be good for that. Can I have a haul off of one? I haven't had any in ages, not since the cunt abandoned Belinda for me and my Mom to take care of. My old man's pissed at me enough, so to have pot in the house with my own baby? Why give him another reason right? Shit, aside from work I never even get out anymore." We head for the parking lot, where the odd car is a 'rockin. Stopping at a Cavalier he chugs the Bud, opens the door and motions for me to get in with him. Opening the passenger door I try chugging the Bud Lite. It's not as bad as the Bud but I hardly finish the neck before I feel like I'm about to gag. As I place the beer on the ground, on it's side intentionally hoping it all spills out he reacts to my gag noise, "Yeah, I know. I used to have a Ram 2500. More than half paid off too from working summer in the fields and now Walmart through the year, but I had to get something more practical." Pointing to the baby seat in the back he adds, "One bad lay will do that to ya. Beautiful kid, ugly ass mother." "Yeah, I'd heard that you have a kid, but didn't listen. If you listen to everything you hear then Helen Watermellon's sleeping with most of the male teacher's, Kevin Porter really has OD'd ten times and if you believe Debbie Van De Berg I'm still sleeping with Daniel Rice who currently lives in St. Louis now." I don't mean to put the Daniel bit in. It just comes out. Daniel's still on my mind a lot, I'm still mad and hurt, but now I hope with my everything that he'll be coming home at least for the summer. He laughs, "Oh shit, yeah! You and him held hands and made out in the hall or something like that wasn't it?" I joke back, my heart sinking further, "Yeah we had it full on, pants down and everything!" "Man, that's funny. People. Hey, spark one up will ya?" I spark one and then another in his car as we talk about this and that, what our plans are for our lives. We move back out on to the beach so that his car can air out and talk some more. He again tells me how he had to give up his truck for the family sedan, how he took a job at the Walmart Super Center on Dunvale, and how his Dad is being hard nosed with him by making him get a second job for the summer. Finding our way back to the fire pit we had started at, Tim and Natalie are missing and Stacey is either loaded or acting it and having a good time while not noticing us. From time to time I see Neil and Tania so I know Tim hasn't left without me, not that he would. After a couple joints in Paul's car the beer now seems to agree with me a whole lot more and I have a few empty bottles beside me sooner than I realize. Paul and I talk about leaving closed minded Texas. "Man, I want to study at Berkely in California and move to a new country and leave everything behind. But being realistic I hope to settle down somewhere more liberal where I can raise Belinda as an only father. That is unless I meet someone. Plus now that I have her I had to choose, either her and do good in school, or have her turned over to Children's Aid and be a kid. I do miss playing ball though I'll tell you. How about you?" "Me, I don't know what I want. I want to go away to school. I want to live and be free from all this bullshit connected with high school. California sounds cool. Yeah, either that or maybe go to school in New York, or somewhere daring like Canada. My Mom has family in the Bronx, and Queens now too. I've got some money squared away for school, but not enough. I'm really going to try for a scholarship, Coach Maynes told me about one that I have a really good shot at based on my essays and math contest results, and my overall marks. I don't do anything extra curricular, so I have to get involved in some sort of volunteering program too. But I live in a shitty area, so that helps my case for a scholarship or subsidization too." I've said too much, I've lost his interest because his response is so ambiguous, "Yeah, that's cool." Then he stares at my pile of empty bottles and I can see that he's nursed the one he had. It's got to be warm and he hasn't finished it. Stacey has spotted us and is shouting at Paul, now calling him a pussy. Looking at Stacey approaching he doesn't even seem to be buzzing or high as he matter of factly states, "Look, I gotta get going back, I have to be home before the sitter takes me to the cleaners. I'd offer you a ride but you saw Stacey and me fight, not a pretty sight. I'm sure Tim wont bail on you, he's not like that." I wonder what he means by the Tim comment, how does he know Tim? But my head's swimming and I like it, so after watching Paul leave I grab another Bud Lite and search for someone who looks approachable to talk to. Then this girl comes up to me, she's looking like a cheap rip-off of Brittany Spears. She asks my name and I tell her it's Nick Carter and I'm so excited to be meeting Brittany Spears. She throws her drink in my face and tells me to go fuck myself. Another girl sees this and thinks it's hilarious. She approaches me. Well that's it, I've had it with girls already. I snarl and groan as this girl approaches. Growling back at me turns into a laugh, "Hey there Tiger. Or Nick Carter? The name's Bobbie. Short for Bobbie-Sue. (pause) Yep my parents sure have a sense of humour. (another pause) So, that was funny, that girl. (really long pause) Hey where are you from?" She seems remotely tolerable, "Houston, Spring Valley area. You?" "Same, Westwood Park area. And your name, or are you going to try Justin Timberlake with me?" "Jon." "Just Jon?" "Yeah, it's not hyphenated though. It's just Jon. You know, Capital J, followed by an O and then a N. Jon." Man, I'm such a dick. "O.K. Look, this is really awkward, I've never done this before so I'll cut to the chase. I've asked around from the people at your school, and rumour has it that you might go the other way if you know what I mean. You know, bat for the other team?" I'm drunk, but I'm shocked. What the fuck? "I can't believe I'm doing this, he owes me for this." She continues, at first more to herself, "You see that blonde over there, the one in the sleeveless top with the Hawaiian board shorts on the cell phone? No that way, really light blonde hair, dark tan, sunglasses? Yeah that way, by that fire pit over there. What do you think of him?" Whatever, I am so not playing this game. Not here, not where I can get my ass kicked and dumped for hooking up with a guy. Screw that, and thank you higher reasoning for not abandoning me; thank you very much! "Uh, sorry. That's just a stupid rumour from school. If you'll excuse me I'm going to go find Brittany Spears again." "Look, Jon right? Just Jon. That's my best friend Chris. He thinks you're so amazing. He gushes about you all the time, we eat at your restaurant just so he can drool over you. You have no idea how crazy he drives me over you. When he spotted you here tonight he went nuts. Look at him! He put his sunglasses on so people won't see him stare at you! So I'm sorry I interfered but look, please at least go over there for him and tell him thanks but no thanks. You'll crush him but I'll be there for him like always." I'm glued in place. Shit, he is cute. Woah, not what I expected to happen. "So you're like his fag hag then?" "No, just his best friend. (awkward pause) Fine. Look, I'm sorry. He gets this feeling about you, calls it gaydar, I guess he's wrong. You said something to him in the washroom when you were bussing one day, like `hello' or something and since then he's loved you from a distance. I'm sorry, I'll go tell him he's wrong. No harm done right?" Maybe it's the beer, maybe it's the weed, but I start walking with her towards Blondie. Chris she called him. He's cracking a huge smile, totally embarrassed I'm guessing as she leans in to him and tells him the news. Instantly I see the look on his face change. Not fear like I would have, but disappointment. I suddenly feel bad. He starts to walk away with his friend quick on his heels. A couple other friends start to follow him but I catch him and try to stop him by grabbing one wrist and placing my other hand on his shoulder. There's a lump in my throat and I feel totally insecure, like I'm totally naked or something on front of everyone I know. He turns and faces me, and in a somewhat detectable gay sounding voice he protests, "Sorry man. Must creep you out that a guy's crunching on you. (He laughs nervously) I'm really sorry, I didn't mean to start anything. I told her not to say anything to you. Look, we're going now." I'm guessing that his friends know about him, he is somewhat obvious after all. So as they keep on walking I risk whispering to him, "You're cute." Hello? What the fuck am I saying? He stops walking, "But?" Remembering his cell phone I offer, "Can you take my number?" He nods and then punches it into his phone book. "I'm Jon." I tell him so he can put it in his phone too as I feel so on the spot. Rolling his eyes, through a huge grin he exclaims, "I know!" "I, I'm not out, O.K.?" I stammer. "Yeah, I know that too. You were a long shot. Like a 100 to 1. I'll call you." We're both smiling as he takes Bobby-Sue by the hand and heads for the parking lot. I'm somewhat floating between drunk and some strange euphoria I just got from Chris as I walk back to the fire pit where Neil and Tanya are. "Hey smiley. Finally letting loose, huh?" Neil comments. "Some girl asked us about you, if you're single, if you've had a girlfriend and such. Did she find you?" Tania questions. Hmmm. Yeah she's a fag hag and I'm gonna hook up with her fag friend! Nope, better not say that. So I play it off, "What? The one that looks like a Brittany Spears whore?" Neil laughs, obviously he's seen the girl I meant. Probably got a woody over her too. Ah, straight guys. What can you do? We get cut off by Tim. "Ah, there you finally all are. Ready to go?" He inquires. "It looks like Tim's happy." I comment. Tim quips back, "C'mon lets move, I heard the cops are coming to break the party up. And shut up Farrows, it's a public beach, very PG rated. Plus for your information I was just talking to her. You know, get to know a girl? Maybe you should try it!" Neil snickers, Tanya scowls at him. Neil presses on any way, "Geez Jon. It's about time you dumped your current girlfriend for something better, at least one that's real. What's you girl's name anyhow? Lefty Handcock? Or maybe it's her friend, Dick Righthand?" Tania shuts us up, "I'm sure you boys all play with both." What a wonderful night. I don't want a new boyfriend, especially one that's obvious. But as I pine for Daniel at least I don't feel alone anymore. After driving back home I crash at Tim's again. Yeah it's a school night but I don't want my Mom seeing me drunk and Tim's parents are cool with me crashing anytime. They know we're teenagers and do stupid things, they just don't want us corrupting his younger siblings. I know Mom will be mad that I didn't come home, but Deanna knows what my plans for the night were, and I'm sure she'll cover for me. O.K. I'm really confused about this past Friday night now. Maybe Tim is seeing Natalie Wilson or something and doesn't want to say anything to me. But otherwise things are actually good now. As I share the bed again with Tim I feel happy, really happy, for the first brief time since Daniel left. * * * * * * * * * * * * Thanks for continuing to read and for the encouraging feedback! Disclaimers: the physical places in the story mostly really exist, but all I actually know of them is from Mapquest, so please don't shoot me if something's wrong! Also, I have written the lyrics of an unreleased Europe song. Doubting that they would mind greatly as the bootleg is openly shared on their Supporters Club website, I hope I don't get in crap for that. In my love for them I'll even give them a second plug: they have reunited and their first studio album in 13 years, Start From The Dark, is nearing release in mid-late September! So if you remember them or love melodic rock / metal give them a listen! ~Jake