Date: Sat, 14 Mar 2009 20:44:35 -0400 From: JAMES HEADY Subject: a Deep Love--Book 2--Chapter 4 A Deep Love By James Disclaimer This is a story that deals with sexual as well as romantic relationships between teenaged and/or adult males. If it's illegal to read this within your area, if you're not of the legal age to read this, or if you're bothered by this type of material, then don't read any further. Chapter 4 Fearful eyes looked back at me as I stepped forward to take the boy's hand. All I knew was that Larry Marks was alive and had never died. My father had told me the whole story and he also told me all of what Eric had been through. Eric stood there and took my right hand's index finger and held it for a moment between his first and second fingers of his right hand then quickly let go. I knew that getting Eric past all of the horrors he suffered would be harder than it had been with the other boys. I knew only that Larry Marks was sent back to prison, but under extremely heavy guard. "Just follow me to the hallway," I said trying to make Eric feel more at ease. "We have one last bedroom." I wasn't exaggerating either. We had six rooms counting mine and my mom's rooms. We'd have to think of something soon if we had more boys to take in. Walking in to the room, I made up the bed and made sure the windows were locked. I jumped visibly when Eric spoke for the first time since my mom had picked him up from Adam and Kelley's house. He had staid there for the past few weeks and now he had been signed over to us. We called it a temporary arrangement, but I knew that it wouldn't be for much longer. The past couple of weeks had gone by and no relatives for Eric were turning up and we all sure as hell weren't going to let him die out on the streets. "Don't bother making sure the windows are locked," Eric said just above a whisper. "He wants me bad enough, he'll find a way to get in and there's nothing you or anyone can do to stop him. I don't even deserve your guys' kindness. You all know what I did for him." "That doesn't matter now," I said. "It never did. Your father's evil isn't within you and it would have been someone else doing his bidding if he hadn't made you do it. Weather it was you or someone else, one way or another, he would have gotten his way in the end anyway, and unfortunately, it was you that he exploited." "You know, I've thought a lot about disguising myself as a guard, sneaking in to the prison, and just killing him. I'd do to him everything he did to me and the other boys, but I'd leave the rape out of it. I just can't see myself violating someone else in that way." "I guess my father didn't tell you that that bastard raped me too?" I said. "He may have," Eric said. "It's all a blur to me, the time I spent with Andrew I mean." "Well, I can't let you kill anyone," I said. "Murder unless in self defense, is wrong and you would have just lowered yourself to your father's way of life." "I just don't know what to do," Eric said beginning to cry. I went to take him in my arms and he jumped back quickly. He did allow me to just put a hand on his shoulder, but I knew that even that was hard for him to do. Later that night in our room, I lay beside Josh and took him in my arms holding him tight. I needed his warmth and comfort at that moment. When my father told us that Larry Marks was still alive after Eric and the two other boys were rescued, I almost passed out, but Josh and my mom held me up. I knew that things were changing and I knew at that moment that whatever plans Josh and I had as well as the plans of my brothers would have to wait. This meant that mine and Josh's Commitment Ceremony would have to be postponed, but that was no problem if it meant that we would be able to save more lives. I loosened my hold on Josh and just rubbed his back up and down. His warmth was helping me calm down and I felt a little better. "What kind of man brings a child in to the world just to bring he or she up in a life of fear and abuse?" I said. "I guess it takes someone as evil as Larry Marks," Josh said. "I know one thing," I said then kissed Josh lightly on the lips. He kissed me back and we just lay there facing each other just still and quiet. "What's that babe?" he asked softly. "I'll never follow Christianity. Maybe it's a religion of love and compassion that has its fanatics like all religions, but it seems to have more hatred and violence than a religion such as Buddhism." "I agree," Josh responded. "I can never follow in good conscience, a religion that is used as a weapon against innocent people. The Christians I've heard talk are the ones who seem to hide behind the bible and Christian scripture just to use their hatred and bigotry and then by doing it this way, they're not called on their shit, because according to them, its God who is telling them it's okay to hate and be bigoted. "Yeah, I agree. Though I have to say that I feel like you're trying to make a point.' "I am," he said. "We need to stand up even louder and harder to these haters and bigots. Erick almost went insane, hell could still crack under the pressure of what's been done to him. I'll make it really clear so as not to be misleading. I know Christians who are good honest people, but these Evangelicals who are pushing for GLBT rights to be held back from us are dangerous and because of them and their hate, people like Larry Marks take the hate of the evangelicals further and twist it in to anthems that say that its okay to kill someone, or if not to kill that person's physical body, then its okay to at least kill who that person is and to me, killing one's spirit and soul is the most evil act one can do and I'll not rest until I make sure that these haters masquerading as Christians are stopped and their hate removed from peoples' lives. People want to believe what they want to, fine, but when you use your hate and bigotry to risk the lives of others then hide behind the bible as a way of protection, then that is not acceptable. Josh was holding back tears as he finished and his voice was filled with raw rage, hurt, and sadness for what our brothers, me, and for what Eric had gone through. He was right, the haters were deserving of a response and that was just what they'd get. One week later. Eric forced down the last bight of food then left the dinner table. He hadn't slept, but only a few hours here and there since being moved in with Michael and his family. Eric knew that they were all nice people, but he wasn't doing well at all with getting past what happened with him and Larry Marks. The therapist would tell him over and over again that he was a good person and that none of this was his fault, but it wasn't working at all. Eric knew that something had to change. When he would sleep, he'd have nightmares so bad, that he almost had to be rushed to the hospital on a couple of occasions to be given something to help calm him down. Eric told Jennifer and the other boys that he was going on a walk, and they had him take his cell phone that he had in case he needed to get a hold of them while he was at the house with Andrew. Andrew was giving Erick home schooling lessons during the day so he could keep up, but even if he did get back in to public school that year, they'd most likely tell him to finish his home schooling for the rest of that school year and next year he'd have to take ninth grade over again. Jason Okano walked in to the Buddhist temple and sat on one of the meditation seats. His day at the school was stressful and at one point just before ninth period which was Math class for him, he almost told the study hall teacher to go to hell after she told him that he needed to stop being gay. He pictured Tashomoto, the leader of the temple that he was in now. Picturing the man in his mind helped calm Jason and he said in the calmest voice that the woman had ever heard that he was sorry that she felt that way, then he turned back to his homework assignments. After a half-an-hour, Jason ended his meditating and stood from the floor. He then heard the door to the building open and foot steps on the wooden floor. As he turned around, he saw a boy swaying from side to side almost ready to fall. Jason ran to him and went to put his hand on the boys shoulder, but the boy moved back quickly. "Don't touch me," he said looking at Jason with the most terrified expression on his face. "It's okay," Jason said softly. "I won't hurt you. This is a place of kindness and caring. You have nothing to be afraid of here." Eric stood there trying to trust what this guy was saying to him. He opened his eyes all the way and focused on Jason Okano's absolute calm and peaceful face looking back at him. "You on crack or something?" Eric asked him. I don't know if you are or not, but no one can look that calm without being high on something." "I don't do drugs, I don't smoke, and I do not drink," Jason said calmly. "I unlike these evangelical Christian hypocrites actually practice almost every Buddhist rule." "So you're a Buddhist?" Eric asked. "Yeah I am," Jason replied. He explained about how he and his parents came to live in America back when he was ten and how they found this Temple and had been attending it ever since. Jason's family practiced Zen Buddhism and his parents had helped him get in to it when he was eight, and Jason loved it. "I'm not sure how I even found this place," Eric said. "I was just walking, then I looked up and found this place. I don't think I deserve to be here." "You have a right to be here," Jason responded. "You're a good person and I get the feeling some things happened, or are happening to you that are bad." Jason held out his hand for Eric to take and he cautiously took it. They sat down on the floor beside each other and Eric told Jason everything that he had been through and leaving nothing out. Eric then leaned closer to Jason not even realizing how close to him he was, and not even noticing when Jason took him in his arms and held him. Eric sobbed for what seemed like forever, but was only a few minutes. He then lifted his head and met Jason's eyes. They looked in to one another's eyes for a long moment then they both stood up. "From what you told me about how your mom feels, and about what your brothers have said, I have to agree with them," Jason spoke after waiting for a moment. "What happened was not your fault and none of us can forgive what you haven't done. We can't forgive you, because you haven't done anything that needs forgiving." "I just need some sort of a sign that everything will be alright and that I'm worthy of being like other people," Eric said just above a whisper. The two boys faced where the candles stood burning and Eric looked at the chain around Jason's neck. He looked even closer as the small pendent of The Buddha shown brightly in the light of the candle, then it got even brighter. Suddenly, there was a huge wave of calm and peacefulness that spread throughout Eric's mind and body. For the first time in his life, he felt peace, calm, and contentment. He felt as though the world had been lifted from his shoulders and he smiled for the first time in what seemed like forever. "Jason," he said. "I feel like, um,. He didn't know how to finish, and he stood up straighter and looked around the temple. There were incense burning and a few paintings of the Buddha on the wall that stood opposite the boys. "I'd say that that was your sign," Jason said turning to face the wall that Eric stood looking at. "I feel better now," Eric said. "I feel like I have nothing to fear and that everything will be alright." "I think it will be now," Jason said as he and Eric stood and faced each other. "Do you know what time it is Jason?" Eric asked him. Jason took from his belt a cell phone and looked at its screen. "It's 8:30 PM," Jason replied. "I really don't want to leave you just yet Jason," Eric said looking in to his eyes. "I like you and I feel like you're a good person I can be safe around." "I'm glad you feel that way, and if you want to hang out a little more tonight, I'd like that, but you may want to check with your mom first. You may even want to check with your brothers as well. I get the feeling that if I let anything happen to you, then they'd make me pay." Jason laughed to show that it was a joke, but he would soon come to know that he wasn't far from the truth. Eric talked to Jennifer for a couple of minutes and he told her everything. She listened without being judgmental about the experience then she asked to talk to Jason. He handed the phone to Jason and he told her who he was. "I think you're a good person for taking Eric in," Jason said after they introduced themselves. "There is so much cruelty in this country, not to mention all over the world and I really am happy when I see someone do good for someone else as well as themselves. You should make sure to cherish your sons. Obviously your good karma has brought them in to your home as well as your life." "You're a sweet young man Jason," Jennifer said. "I'm fine with you and Eric spending the next few hours together. Its Friday night and so I'm completely fine with it. Just have him home by 12:00 AM." "I'll do that," Jason said then they ended the call. They then called Jason's parents to let them know where he'd be. His parents were out of town at a business meeting. They had those a lot, but on the weeks they were home, they'd make sure that they had time to spend with Jason, but even when they were away, they'd call Jason and he'd call them. Once the call was over, the boys headed out to Jason's truck and he started it up. He explained to Eric that it was a gift from his parents when he turned sixteen. "So are you hungry?" Jason asked him once they were pulling out of the parking lot of the temple. "I had dinner, but I was on the edge of throwing it up when I was eating," Eric said. "I'm surprised that I've been able to hold any of my meals down. So now that you asked me, I am hungry. Where did you want to go?" "It's your choice." "I really don't know what's around here." "There's a place I go every Friday night that my friend Hiroki runs. Did you want to go there with me?" "I'd love that." Hiroki stood by the kitchen sink waiting for people to come and eat. On this particular Friday, he was closed during that day on that week because he needed to get some extra sleep. He had nightmares the whole time he slept the night before and he got sick several times that Friday morning. When stress got to be too much for him, Hiroki would usually get nauseous, and sometimes even throw up which is what happened on this particular morning. Once he got more sleep, he woke up again around 5:00 PM that Friday evening and opened up the restaurant around 6:00. He worried that no one would come that night, but he then heard the bells that hung on the knob of the front door. He ran from the kitchen to the front of the restaurant and saw Jason, but tonight, he wasn't alone. With him was a boy who looked to be about 14 years old. He had Carmel-brown hair, sky-blue eyes, and a smile on his face that made Hiroki feel like he could easily fall for the boy, but he shoved those thoughts out of his head. "Hi Roki," Jason said. "I want you to meet someone I brought with me. This is Eric." "Hi Eric," Hiroki said taking Eric's hand in his own. They shook hands then Hiroki seated the boys. After looking at the menu for a few minutes, they got their food and just enjoyed each others company as they drank the soda that Hiroki gave to them. "So when do you start school at my brothers' school?" Eric asked Jason after swallowing his drink of Coke. "I'll be starting classes there at the beginning of the new year," Jason replied. "I'll be going there too when they feel that I'm psychologically fit enough to do it." "I hope you and I have a few classes together. I'd love to be able to partner up with you and your brothers on projects and stuff like that." "I'd like that too," Eric said. Their food came and they ate slowly, just enjoying everything. Eric had never had Japanese food before and the stuff he was eating at that moment was really enjoyable. They had Sushi which was rapped in a type of rice role, Wasabi which is a Japanese mustard, and other foods related to the Japanese culture. They finished up and just sat there enjoying the quiet of the atmosphere. Eric was feeling better than he ever had and Jason was glad to see the positive change in him. After waiting for a few minutes more, Jason got out money and paid Hiroki. They then went out to Jason's truck and got in. "Any other place you want to go?" Jason asked Eric. "I hear that the beach is pretty nice right now," Eric replied. "No, I'm not suggesting that we go in the ocean, but it's not so cold that we can't just sit there on the sand and just look up at the stars and the moon. I've always thought that that site was so beautiful, and that's one pleasure that my father couldn't take away." "I'd love that," Jason said. They drove for a while and for the minutes in between switching gears with the gear shift, Eric held Jason's hand during the time they rode. Once there, Jason stopped the car and they got out. Jason got a blanket out from the back of the truck and he spread it out a few feet away from the truck. Eric followed him and they both sat down on it. The waves moving against the surf were soothing to the boys and as they sat beside one another, Eric leaned his head on Jason's shoulder. Jason smiled then put his arms around Eric and held him close with Eric's head in the hollow of his neck. "I enjoy being with you like this," Eric said. "I never thought I'd get a chance to experience life. I thought that either my father would kill me, or that if I did get out alive, I also was afraid that I'd go permanently insane and have to spend the rest of my life in a psychiatric hospital. I'm really glad you and I met. I feel like that me finding you was no accident." "I feel the same way," Jason responded. "I never had any actual friends except for my parents, the Leader of the temple, and Hiroki. I'm really glad you and I met as well and I feel real joy that we found each other." "You're my best friend Jason," Eric said moving his head from under Jason's neck and looking deep in to his eyes. "I never thought I'd be able to trust anyone, but you showed me that I could." "I feel the same way about you too Eric," Jason responded. "When ever you want to get together and do stuff, just call. I'll always make an effort to be there for you. That's a promise that I'll do everything in my power to keep." "And I promise the same thing for you too," Eric said. They just sat there in comfortable silence just listening to the waves come in and looking up at the bright moon and the stars. By now, the boys switched positions so that Jason was sitting in between Eric's legs and Erick wrapped his arms around him from behind and just held him against him. "Damn he's so small," Eric thought to himself. "He's as big as me, but his body is built small or something." After some time had passed, Jason looked at his cell phone, he saw that it was 11:30 PM. He knew that the place they were at was about a good distance away from the house, so he knew that they would need to be going soon. "We should probably get going," Jason said. "I don't want to, but your mom and most likely your brothers will make me pay if I don't get you back safely and on time." He laughed softly to show that it was a joke and Eric reluctantly agreed. They picked up the blanket and went back to the truck. After Jason replaced the blanket in the back of the truck's camper, he got in the driver's seat. Eric got in the passenger's side and they drove off holding hands all the way back to Eric's house. I stood up from where Josh and I had been cuddling on the couch when I heard the engine pull up in the driveway. Going over to the front door, I opened the door just a crack and looked out. Eric was walking with someone who looked smaller than him, but just as tall. I backed away from the door and opened it up all the way. They walked in and they stood there as I closed and relocked the door. The boy that Eric had with him was delicate, and very handsome. He introduced himself as Jason Okano and I shook his hand. It was small and delicate just like the rest of him. I then heard foot steps coming from the hall headed towards the kitchen where we were. It was my mom. "I'm Michael," I said. "Thanks for getting my brother back safely." "I'm glad I was able to do it," Jason said. I looked at him very carefully taking in his round Japanese face that looked more calm and peaceful than any other face I've seen, and I also took in his eyes which were framed behind wire-rimmed glasses. His hair was fluffy and cut short. My mom introduced herself to him and they shook hands. After talking for a moment or two longer, she excused herself and returned to bed. "Jason?" Eric said coming closer to where he stood. "Yes Eric?" "I'm going to go to bed now, but I had something I wanted to ask you first. If you say no, I'll understand." "What's that?" he asked him. "If it's alright with Michael and our brothers, would you stay with me until I fall asleep?" "I'd love to," Jason said. "I don't have a problem with it," I said. When we all got in to the hallway, our other brothers got up and so Jason met the rest of them and they seemed like they were fine with him. Once Eric was in bed, we all said good night to him and we all gave him warm and long-lasting hugs, something he wouldn't have allowed just hours ago. We left him and Jason alone and our brothers all went back to bed. Josh and I did the same thing and were asleep within minutes. End of Chapter Four.