"Swim team?" I asked, my mouth hung wide open. I took another gulp of soda, put it back on the coffee table, then took another gulp. Damn, it was hot out today.

     "Yeah, swim team, I'm gonna attend the try outs tomorrow after school." Tommy nodded and smiled. He sat on his knees on the couch across from where I was, in the same position. I was at a loss for words to tell you the truth. Of all things, of all times, in all places, the swim team? I swallowed the rest of my soda, refreshing me and also remedying my parch throat. Only in Florida will it be in the upper 90's in freaking October! Where did this whole swim team thing come from anyhow? All we were doing was chatting after school and now I hear this swim team crap, it wasn't like Tommy to just do that for no reason. I didn't even know he had a penchant for swimming. My eyes ogled his nice torso momentarily. Maybe, but...

     "But...but...why the swim team? I mean, where did this come from? No, that I don't have faith in you, because I do babe, I really do. And it's not like you need the exercise, I mean, have you even looked at yourself in the mirror, well, ever?" I blurted out. Tommy blushed. "Well?"

     "Well...actually, Jon coaxed me into it, he's on the swim team, too you know." He held his breath after the spoke, waiting for my immediate response.

     "Jon?!" I blurted out again. "Jon?!" He looked at me like I was crazy, then he turned the music down on the radio.

     "Yeah, when I was over at his house yesterday...." I cut him off; he rolled his eyes and sighed.

     "Wait a second, you were over at his house yesterday? I thought you had an English paper to write, on 1984." He blinked at me like I was crazy.

     "Yes, I did have to write on 1984, and I needed Jon's help, and since that was his favorite book... you know." Tommy said, annoyed.  Something didn't add up here, it wasn't like Tommy to just do something like this. I smelled fish. I mean, something fishy was going on. I didn't know what it was, probably just me being paranoid, but something was up here. Ever since school started, Tommy would come over my house daily, call me hourly for whatever reason possible, and tell me what he was doing whenever he was doing it. This was the first time he hadn't told me where he was going, and he didn't even tell me he had gone there when we talked on the phone last night. Something just didn't fit right here...

     Better than make an ass out of myself later for nothing, I decided to tell him my thoughts now. "Why didn't you tell me that you went over Jon's house yesterday, Tommy? It's not like you to just do that without telling me, so why didn't you tell me? Don't you still love me?" I asked without thinking. I knew I'd be kicking myself in the morning, or at least someone would be. Obviously my inquiry struck a nerve with Tommy, because he immediately lashed out at me verbally.

     "Geez Deke, do I have to tell you every single thing you do? I'm sorry I can't give you updates every five seconds!" Tommy's face turned bright red, brighter than it originally was due to the heat. He gulped and started to catch his breath from yelling so loudly. All I could do was sit there, too afraid to say anything. I couldn't think of anything to say that would make things better. I didn't even dare apologize or tell him that I loved him, frightened that he'd yell at me more.

     "But..."

     "Shut up, Deke! Stay out of other people's affairs." His eyes filled up with tears and he put his shirt back on. Did I miss something here?

     "Tommy...." I said softly.

     "What?" He screeched at me. I cowered at first, but then spoke.

     "I love you." I whispered sincerely, from the bottom of my heart. If that little tidbit didn't work, nothing would. I waited for his response patiently. Tommy lowered his head, then slowly raised it back up at me. I saw his blue shiny eyes streaming tears. My heart shattered and I couldn't take it anymore. I started crying too because he was, even though I had no clue why, and then, not caring whether he would push me away or not, I scooted close to him and hugged him tight. He buried his face into my bare chest and cried his heart out. I was still confused about the entire matter, but as long as he wasn't yelling at me anymore...

     "I love you, Tommy." I repeated, just because I wanted to. With that me sobbed even louder, clutching me for all it was worth. I started rubbing his back gently and kissed him on top of the head. Sweet Tommy, what mysteries do you still hold? What secrets have I not found out about you yet that you still keep from me? What could be so terrible that you can't tell me? This wasn't a matter of him just going to someone else's house anymore, which was barely scratching the surface. Eventually Tommy released from me, wiped his tears and looked at me solemnly. I awaited his words. His facial expressions gave away that he was intimately trying to come up with the right words to speak to me. What are you trying to say, Tommy?

     "Deke, umm... I have to go now, to Jon's house." I began to open my mouth, but before I could say anything more he spoke again, not waiting for my reaction to that comment. Good thing too, because I feared I was gonna start the whole chain reaction of yelling and sobbing all over again. I wish that sometimes I could come up with better words to say in these situations. I at least want to be on good communications terms with my boyfriend, if I can't accomplish that, then we're through for good. "But can you promise me something?" I nodded. Tommy sighed and wiped nervous sweat from his forehead. "Well, I want you to promise, that whatever should occur because of me going to Jon's house, and you'll know it when you see it, that you'll promise to stick with me, don't leave me out in the dust all alone. Promise that you'll still stay with me and not turn your back on me. Can you do that?" Man oh man, what the hell was he talking about? But if me promising this would end the madness and let him be on his way, then so be it.

     "I promise." I said. He sighed in relief and stood up. I tried to kiss him but he turned away too quickly and headed for the door. See? Things don't always happen how you intend then to. Tommy opened the door, we said our good-byes and he said he'd when he'd be back and all that stuff, and walked off to Jon's house. I turned and cleaned up our mess. As in chips and soda you perv! My mom keeps a watchful eye on everything now that she knows I have a boyfriend and have an active sex life. She's like the Sentinel; she can smell the slightest spunk in any place and see any shade of white on any fabric. And with that, I'm not gonna fool around on the living room sofa, well, again! Now I'm about to go up to my room so you can imagine all you want the things we've done on that thing, because that's what we've been confined to ever since I came back from the hospital. No, not even my computer chair or small couch in my room, she ogles that too! And last Friday Tommy stayed the night and in the morning we went into the shower, it seemed as good of a place as any, and we've done it in there before. But as soon as we got started, I heard my mom come into my room, and so we just, showered. And the thing is that my mom knows both of us will be in there, and that she can unlock the door and come in because no one is in my room. What am I supposed to say to that? `Mom, we can Tommy are trying to have some fun in the shower, so stop coming into my fucking room. Please?' Naa, that wouldn't take. So all we could do now was be in my bed. It drastically put a wrench in our sex lives, on account that it was the same old thing, in the exact same place. I wouldn't have minded if Tommy wasn't annoyed by it so much, but he was. It gets us both edgy, well, all the time. And then Tommy started going to Jon's house...

    I had no time for bitter reflections on that though; I had to get to work. I cleaned up our things quickly and ran upstairs into my room. I took out my work clothes, which consisted of a white shirt, tie, black pants, and green vest. Oh, and also a little ID that says `Publix Employee'. Publix is a supermarket chain down here in Florida. I started working there last week to make some extra money. Ever since things happened with my dad, half of our income was lost. My mom got a better job though, a much better one, which kept us on our feet quite well, as long as the money was used for important things, as in not me. So I got a job to pay for things on my own. You know what? It was kinda fun. I'd go to work every other day after school and on some weekends when they needed me. I'd tell senile people where the medicine shelf was, teens where the soda, chips, and on good nights where the condoms were, and adults where everything else was.

    I couldn't go to work every single day because it would take up too much of my personal life, and my mom would need me to be with her on some nights when she couldn't take it. It wasn't that my `dad' wasn't with us anymore, we got over that surprisingly quick, but that with him gone, she would have to have lots more responsibility. Now coming from a rich family like she did, she didn't experience it a lot. It was like a mid-life crisis with her, and I had to comfort her and assure her that everything would be fine and we were doing great on our own. She always believed me, yet I had no freaking idea if I was right or not. And my second words of wisdom helped as well, with `You can always try to get on `Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?' tomorrow.' You know that new show on ABC with Regis? The sad thing is that my mom doesn't know all that much. No offense to her, but what she doesn't know could fill a warehouse. One of those large ones, too! She still called everyday though, hoping she would make it past the first phone round. She never does though, but at least it keeps the hope in her.

    I started to get undressed in my room, placing the clothes I was wearing on my bed. Yes, that's right, my bed! I was in just my boxers when a voice called to me from the house next door. "Hey, Deke!" It said. I nearly soiled myself from the fright, but not that I got caught with just my boxers on; Justin had seen me in those plenty of times before. He just surprised me, causing me to jump startled. I rolled my eyes and turned around to see Justin in his room almost dying from laughter and pointing his finger at me. I picked up some jeans that were on the floor and playfully chucked it out of my window and into his at him. Last month we agreed to always keep out bedroom windows open to each other so we could talk across them while in our rooms. It was actually a good idea, and a fun one at that. The only time we ever closed our windows was when we were busy with our boyfriends. It brought Justin and I closer together, making us better friends than we already were. I got to see him with his shirt off lots of times, too; it was just nice to look at.

    My jeans flew onto his face and he fell backwards on his butt. He stood back up, seeing my crooked smile and chuckling, then started to grin. "I got your pants now, Deke. You'll have to come over here to get them back." Justin whipped the jeans over his head like a lasso, then put them between his legs like some stripper with a G-string. I think he'd seen American Pie too many times.

    "No thanks, I don't want them back, I think I might lose these things too and strut around my room in the nude." I replied, while turning my back to him and slapping my butt erotically. I turned around to see him blushing.

    "Well, you could do that. And not that I wouldn't love to see you do that, but I have something to show you here." Justin said. "Get changed and come over when you're done, ok?"

    "Alright." I quickly changed into my work clothes, Justin playing on his computer or something. Mind you, I said we only closed our windows when our boyfriends were over, and I meant it. We've seen each other change hundreds of times though, it was a routine. I didn't mind changing in front of Justin anymore, it kind of turned me on if anything, because I know he'd be watching out of the corner of his eye, and vice versa.

    As soon as I was dressed to kill I ran over to Justin's house. I went in the front door without knocking. Yeah, we started doing that too. It was just as bad as we leaving our windows open for each other were. I ran up his stairs and entered his room to find Justin dressed just like me. I gasped, then spoke.

    "Are you mocking me now?" I said jokingly, fully knowing what he was doing.

    "No, even better! I got a job at Publix just like you, and I scheduled my working hours to be in sync with yours. Isn't that cool?" Justin said excitedly.

    "Wow, this is better than cool, it's awesome. We can work with each other now and goof and fool around and stuff." I said, sitting down on his bed.

    "Heh, yeah." Justin said nervously. A weird silence fell upon us shortly. He broke the ice by taking out his work ID and sitting next to me on the bed. "Look, I got a photo identification and everything, pretty snazzy, huh?" I took his ID and looked at the small picture of him in it and nodded my head in agreement. By the looks of it, Justin could never photograph badly. Even with the drunkard face he was making, it still looked like something I would look at under my covers at night. "Hey, can I see yours?"

    "You can when I'm hard." I meant it as a joke, but the thought of Justin seeing me like that actually kinda did turn me on a little. Justin's eyes lowered to my crotch and he started to crack up. I started laughing too and he gave me a playful shove. I giggled and shoved him back, and then all of a sudden he attacked me head on and pinned my shoulders down on the bed. His knee resting on top of my umm, member. "If you keep your knee like that you probably will get to see `IT' in no time flat." Justin started to grin and dug his knee deeper onto me. I yelped out from the initial pressure be was putting on my balls.

    "You mean like this?" He said giggling. I struggled to get away but that prompted him to hold me down tighter.

    "Oh, yeah, you are a master of pleasure, Justin!" I giggled back, then started making moaning sounds and screaming his name out. "Oh, it feels so good, baby." I whispered to him. Suddenly, I felt his grip loosen on me, his grin fade, and he got off of me slowly. Oops, was I a bit out of line there? I guess I had gone too far.

    "Maybe we should go, I don't want to be late on my first day of work." He said softly. He turned around and went downstairs. I sighed and cursed to myself, then stood up. I found my work pants to be surprisingly narrow.

    "Shit." I whispered to myself. I ran into Justin's bathroom and not only found that I had an erection, but there was a little stain of pre-cum on my pant as well. "Fuck." I cursed to myself again. I cleaned myself off and joined Justin downstairs. I pretended like I didn't know what was wrong, but I knew now why he had gotten off of me. I liked it, but the moaning sounds I was making were just for fun, weren't they? They weren't involuntary moans; he must've known that, right?  If that was so, then why was he adjusting his pants, too?

~     ~     ~     ~     ~     ~     ~     ~

     We walked to work in bitter silence. Fifteen minutes without speaking to one another. I wanted to talk to him, but I was also thinking about what just happened. Justin, my best friend in the whole world. Us, together, there, and that, and how he reacted to it, and why. Why? What was running through his mind? Looking at me through my window, pinning me to the bed, flirting with me. Or was I flirting with him? I didn't even realize it, and I didn't even know what the problem was until I went into the bathroom. Why didn't I know though?  Justin and I had gotten so close the last couple of weeks, flirting with him was casual for us, or so I thought.

     When we got to work, we split off into our workstations. My job today was checking on inventory while Justin helped people who were shopping in the aisles. (Writer's intervention: I have and I don't think I ever will have a story worth telling that happened in a supermarket. Until Harrison Ford makes a movie in which terrorists take over a supermarket and he is the President, of the store chain that is, then we must conclude that nothing relevant would ever happen here. Also, sex in a supermarket just doesn't work for me. I'll wait for insert famous TGB Writer here to think of that crazy scheme, and boy will it be memorable! It will also make you think that unsuspecting supermarket employees, maybe even ones that you know, are having sex right in your supermarket. I, for one, would double-check that vanilla swirl ice cream in the freezer section the next time you have the `munchies' for creamy white stuff, because you might get more than you bargained for. And now I have successfully filled a half of a page and distracted you enough, so... back to the show!)

     Working was pretty uneventful, maybe it would've been more interesting if Justin and I hadn't had this dark cloud over the two of us; it was quite dreadful. Most of the time we would pass each other, make eye contact, and greet each other with a subtle `hey', but that was all. I was trying to concentrate more on my job at hand, though.

    About ten minutes before we were done with our shift though, I was spying Justin through the corner of my eye. A boy about our age, one that I've never seen before was distinctly flirting with Justin. The kid's arm was placed on the sides of his hips and the other hand was gesturing like a... well, like a girl. I don't wanna say it, but upon closer examination an inconsiderate and straight person would call him a flamer. Something told me to go over there and stop whatever was gonna transpire from happening. Without thinking, I went over there and stood behind the kid. Justin looked at me, and the kid turned around. A familiar face. Wait, I did know him! I didn't know his name, but I saw him from somewhere, I knew him from school. I don't think he recognized me, though. Nonetheless, in school I never saw him acting like that, like a girl. He always acted straight, always. So, why was he now? "Hey Justin, our shift is just about over. Oh, and who is your friend?"

    "Oh, this is Roger. Roger, this is my best bud, Deke. Roger goes to our school." Justin said, smiling. Yes, that was his name, now I remembered. Roger turned around ostentatiously and shook my hand, loosely. It looked like he did everything in that more than necessarily showy manner. "Actually, Roger wanted to know if he could hang out with us after work."

    "Yeah, I suppose he could hang out with us. I just need to get to know him first. Is that ok?" I asked.

    "Sure it's ok." Roger said in this girl's voice I could have sworn was faked.

    "Alright, well, I've seen you around school and stuff. Usually when I do I see you around a bunch of jocks, four or five of them if I'm not mistaken." I said to him. Justin's mind went into gear.

    "Yeah, that's right." Roger said.

    "Well, it's a Friday night, you seem pretty popular. Where are all your friends now?" I asked him. He paused at first, perplexed by my question.

     "Well, ah, I mean." Roger gave out a nervous laugh. Justin seemed interested in his answer as well. "I guess, I wasn't really... comfortable with them, you know, they aren't like you guys. See, us three, we all want the same thing, have more in common." He said nonchalantly. "Those guys, they think fun is grabbing a girl's tit or fingering her pussy.  Just that doesn't satisfy my needs. I need to get myself in somewhere, if you know what I mean, and I know you cool guys could let me get myself in. Get it?" I thought I was going to be sick.

     "So, what you're saying is..." Justin said.

     "That you want to..." I said, finishing Justin's sentence.

     "Oh my god!" Justin blurted out. I concurred. Roger had a confused look on his face.

     "Of course, what's wrong with that? Justin you probably do that with Deke all the time, or go clubbing and look for others to do." Roger said. This was just a laughable spectacle. My grandma could do a better impression!

     "You sick fuck." Justin said, he shoved Roger with a passion.

     "Whoa, darling, we don't fight." Roger said.

     "Like hell we don't. What are you trying to prove here you prick?" Justin shoved him against the shelves in the aisle. His head banged hard against a metal shelf. He grabbed his head in pain and his whole face turned red.

     "Look what you did you fag." Roger said, pushing Justin hard. I'd had about enough of this.

     "Ok, flamer Roger, if you're so non-straight, then what fag calls other fags fags?" I said harshly. He composed himself and started walking off, defeated. Before he left completely though, he left us with one last thing.

     "Fine! You know, I personally don't have anything against it even though the other guys do, but I'd like you two a lot more if you weren't all over each other and staring at one another all the time. I mean, give us all a break, it's so obvious, I'm not even that close to my twin brother!" With that, he left our sights, and the store. Justin and I turned to each other slowly. Great, more to think about, what a lovely evening this has turned out to be? Are Justin and I going to be on a doomed to crash airplane next?

     "We should get going now, our shift is over." I said, finally snapping out of it and getting back to reality.

     "Yeah." Justin snapped back. "I could really use a break now, after this crap." We both punched out and left the store. "Deke, I feel so stupid." He said as we were walking back to our neighborhood. "I should have known better, I guess they were tricking me to try to find out about me. Well, mission accomplished." He lowered his head in shame. I put my arm around him.

     "Don't worry, they won't do anything to you." I spoke softly, trying to cheer him up. "And if they do, I'll just have to teach them a lesson. You know, give em the old kung fu!" I saw a smile spread across his face. Seeing that smile sure made me feel heaps better.

     "Heh, yeah right. And if they go after you first? What then? I mean, it was sweet of you to help me out like that but, you know. I don't want anything bad to happen to you, Deke. I..."

     "Don't worry, I can take care of myself, and I have you with your big muscles to protect me, right?" I took my arm from him and squeezed his muscle lightly. It felt a little wet for some reason. "Hmm, very strong, and wet, too.

     "It's not wet, just sweaty. If you haven't noticed, it's about a hundred degrees out side. I'm still debated whether Fahrenheit or Celsius, and I don't think I wanna know." Justin said giggling and wiping sweat from his forehead.

     "I agree, it's REALLY hot out today." I would have unbuttoned my shirt if I could. Maybe I should have used more deodorant. I hoped I didn't smell like a pig outside.

     "Or maybe it's just you, hmm?" Justin giggles again.

     "Oh, get out. If it was me then it'd be nice out, not hot, just nice."

     "Heh, whatever bud." Another awkward silence was between us. I walked with my arms folded. It was too damn hot to let them swing freely. Finally he spoke again, breaking the already too thick ice. "Let's get some ice cream or something, my treat."

     "That's the most promising thing I've heard all day." I said, and we ran off to the Dairy Queen down the street. Justin paid just like he promised. I got my favorite ice cream, which was anything with lots of hot fudge and peanut butter. Justin got a Vanilla Swirl with a cherry on top.

     "How is yours?" Justin asked me as we started walking back home.

     "It's alright." I replied. It wasn't the best I've ever had. I guess Dairy Queen makes better ice cream when it's cooler out. The cold vanilla sure did cool me off though. I would have eaten dirty ice that night in order to cool off. I really hate Florida sometimes. It's warm in the hot and very hot in the summer. If I stood out in the sun for too long my skin would literally bake like bread in a kiln. I wish I could go to Maine in the summer and at home in the winter. At least winter wasn't too far away. Maine would be nice, right next to the beach. I'd stay on a yacht, with a cool speedboat to cruise the beautiful lake. The four of us would be there; just playing around and having fun like the best friends we were. A boy can always dream.

     When we got back to our neighborhood we agreed to hang out at Justin's house for a bit until we found something better to do. We discarded our almost melted and mostly eaten ice creams in the trash and ran up to Justin's room to listen to music. I loosened and took off my tied and flung it across the room. Justin got onto his computer and opened his MP3 list. I was surprised when he started playing Moby, one of my favorite bands at the time.

     "Man, it's so great to hear some good old techno, and Moby at that. Tommy hates Techno; he likes alternative music with a passion. This is a nice break." I said, smiling and relaxed. Justin sat down with me.

     "Yeah, Jon hates it, too. He likes Classical Rock and stuff. It's ok, but I dunno. This is cool, too. I'm glad you introduced it to me." Justin said, lying back on the bed. He took off his tie too, which was a clip-on to my surprise. I looked at him weirdly.

     "You don't know how to put on a tie?" I asked him.

     "Well, no, I've never really had a dad to show me. I don't think mom knows how to do a tie, heh. Oh well." He replied.

     "You should really learn how to put one on. Come on, I'll show you." I stood up and picked up my tie from off the floor. Justin stood up and faced me. "I'll put it on you first, and watch what I'm doing, then you put it on me." I started to slowly put the tie around Justin's neck. Making sure it was the right length on both sides and all that.

     "So..." Justin said, trying to make conversation. It seemed he was always the one to speak first, breaking the silence. "Where is Tommy off to tonight?"

     "Tommy? Didn't Jon tell you?" I asked, perplexed. I was sure that Jon would have told Justin what he was up to.

     "Well, Jon told me something, but what did Tommy tell you?" I was baffled by the question, but answered nonetheless.

     "He told me that he was at Jon's house, getting help with an essay." I said. Justin's eyes widened.

     "Are you kidding?" Justin sighed.  "Jon said he was going to a movie with Tommy." I knew something wasn't right when I was talking with Tommy before. How could he lie to me like that? "Well, I suspected this. And I don't think they are doing either."

     "Well, what do you think they are doing then?" I asked nervously. Could Tommy be having sex with Jon on the side? That could explain for lots of things. Him wanting to join the swim team all of a sudden. Being annoyed with our sex life. How long had this been going on for? And why didn't he tell me? If he wanted to end things he shouldn't have kept it a secret. Wait, I was supposed to promise him something. Promise I wouldn't leave him, but if he was doing this, then it meant we weren't supposed to be together. I had an inkling about that the past couple of days. Maybe this exact same thing was happening with Justin and Jon.

     "Deke, I don't know, and frankly, I really don't care." He said softly. I didn't expect that at all.

     "You don't? Is something up between you two?"

     "Well, I guess things have been going kinda downhill for a little while. I've just been thinking, maybe Jon isn't the one for me. Maybe we were too hasty and rushed in too fast. I love him, a lot, but I don't know if I'm in love him like I would a boyfriend. I just don't think we are that compatible. That is why I kept putting off having dinner with his parents. We haven't really been together, alone I mean, in about two weeks. If he found someone else, someone he could relate to more, then I'd be happy for him. Right now we've both cooled down, reached a mutual agreement to put things off for a while, maybe forever. He thought that I was holding him back from other things as well." He sighed. "I guess we're a bit too young to start promising ourselves to one person and one person alone." I stayed silent, not knowing what to say to that. I thought they were fine, and now I learn this. How could he not be having his way with Tommy now, but if that was what they wanted, then fine. If I were doomed to be single, I'd surely get a once in a lifetime opportunity many only dream about. I finished my tie on Justin, he nodded and I took it off. We switched positions and Justin started putting the tie on me, exactly the same way I did him. "I'm sorry." Justin blurted out. I looked up at him and found him on the brink of tears.

     "For what? You didn't do anything wrong, Justin." I said. He held back tears.

     "Yeah, I should have told Jon to keep to other's boundaries, and now he is probably stealing your boyfriend away from you. I never wanted to hurt you, Deke. I..."

     "Shh, it's ok Justin." I put my finger up to his lips to shush him. "Would it astonish you to know that Tommy and I aren't in the best position either? It seems like our relationship is almost the same as yours, except we just don't know it yet. He's been annoyed with me, I keep constantly finding things we don't have in common, and all the like. I don't know what to do now, and I think maybe Tommy and Jon are, you know, together now." I looked back up at Justin, who was looking back at me.

     "Deke, can I ask you something? And you have to be completely honest with me." Justin asked tensely. I nodded. "Well, umm, when you think about Tommy, do you sometimes think that, well, maybe that you were meant for someone else. You know, maybe that this relationship is a hurdle, a step in the larger plan? Or do you just believe in fate, and sometimes the fate you try to make for yourself ends up to be something completely different from the way you expected it to? Yet you still feel like it was all worth something, and from the mess you've made you realized that a new door has been opened for you, ready to be walked though." I was in awe; Justin just summed up all of my feelings that I've had. All of my emotions, wishes, dreams, desires, and doubts, he knew them all. It was like he was my...no, he couldn't be. Could he? All this time? But...

     "Justin, do you know what it feels like to be rejected by someone? To put all of your courage and dignity into one basket and see it burn up right before your eyes? To do what you've always wanted to do, but without the fear, but see it unappreciated? To hope for something and take an opportunity that ultimately leads to a darker road?" This time I almost started to cry. What was wrong with me this evening? All of the evens of the past caught up to me. I did everything I could, but for nothing, just nothing. I was humiliated if anything, humiliated by him, my... no, by Justin. Oh, how he had changed since then, and how I have, too. Justin finished putting my tie on, I couldn't believe he was still putting on the tie, and he was looking at my every motion while doing it.

     "I...don't know what it feels like. But, I do know what it feels like to be on the other end of that, and...you can never know, what that feels like." He choked back a sob, I felt like crying too. I never even thought about Justin's feelings in it. I always paid attention to how I felt, and how I was so hurt, being turned down, told that they can't, because they are for someone else. And what if he hadn't been for someone else? Then he would never have entered my life. I fully understood what he meant. If Justin never came for Jon, then he never would have seen the bigger picture. It was kismet. Was it also destiny to suddenly have Justin's randomizer choose that Sixpense None the Richer song "Kiss Me"? Suddenly, time seemed to slow down, literally. I looked up at my best friend, Justin, who was looking back at me.

     "Justin..." I whispered softly, gazing up at him. He smiled for the first time, the first time I had seen him with a warm smile. His cute puppy dog eyes, with me in them, right under his dark brown hair. I felt my heart start to beat quicker, I didn't know what was happening, but I didn't like it, I adored it.

     "Deke, Dekens Lamrock, I love you. I fell in love you the first time I saw you. My heart skips a beat when I see you smile. I want to cherish you forever, as my best friend and my lover. I need you. The quiet, pristine neighbor boy I could only have dreamed about." He stroked my cheek delicately with his finger, and I melted like butter. "My sweet, gentle darling, do you believe in second chances?" He had so much hope in his eyes, just as I did. Who was I to crush his hopes, when I wanted the exact same thing? I could only answer with a simple...

     "Yes, Justin." I replied softly to him. We both smiled, and he took my tie and used it to pull me closer to him, then he sent me into heaven. A simple, get powerful spark of chemistry, lifting me up into the air, miles high, higher than Cloud 9. What was Cloud 9 now? It was just a tiny speck to me now. Kill me now. God, Jesus, Abraxas, whoever is up there, take me now, please, take me now, I am ready. Nothing less would do. I can not cry, or scream, or moan, or whimper, just innocent silence is all that may exist. Silence in its pure form, that's all. He kissed me.
 

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