Justin slowely walked over to me.....to
the MAD magazine. He bend over next to me to pick it up, never once breaking
his concentration on me. His face was of a damn good poker player, whom
you couldn't tell what was on his mind if he didn't want you to know. I
mean, this kid's face was stone solid, his eyes not blinking once, not
once, well maybe once, but I wasn't paying attention to his eyes, it was
what was behind his eyes that I was really interested in. Decifer that
all you want for the next 2 seconds, this isn't 2001: A Space Odessey,
it isn't open for discussion, I was clealy staring into his soul! Was he
staring into mine? I don't know, and what do I care anyways? I mean, I
just found out he's gay, I'm gay, can that be any simpler? Alright, it
CAN be, I am gay, he is gay, I have the hots for him, his face is 8 inches
away from mine. There! Ok, now I'm not a pervert or anything, but I had
to smell his hair. Shampoo....hmm, nice smelling shampoo though! Plain
and clear for you kiddies....I....want...him.........now!
He picked up the magazine without me noticing; I was looking elsewhere, ya know! His face slowely backed away from mine, and he backed up, still never breaking concentration from me, then finally sat down on his boxspring. Justin put the magazine to his side. He propped his elbows on his legs and rested his head on his hands. His expression changed to something readable, he was thinking, actually thinking about something. I dunno what he was planning to do or say, but it had better be quick!
I was still on the floor, I couldn't move. Him picking up that magazine and backing up to sit on his bed, while keeping deep concentration on me, left me paralyzed. Maybe I was half-expecting him to kiss me deeply, other half everything else in the world. About a minute has gone by with his "thinking" or whatever, I wish he'd say something, maybe expecting me to say something first? Should I? It would show that I'm compassionate about the subject and not a gay hater. Yes, I made up my mind, I would break the silence he had put me in.
"Yeah? You have something to say to me Deke?" That was a quick response, I bet he WAS counting on me to break the silence and I did. Hard part is over, harder part to come, then HARDEST part. Ironically my erection may grow softer with each harder part. Probably would.
"I looked in your box I know I shouldn't have but I just had to see I'll go if you want me to I don't want you to be mad at me!", it rushed out so fast in one long run-on sentence I almost forgot what I had said to him! His face made it clear he wasn't thinking anymore, then Justin opened his mouth finally.
"Oh...uhhh....uhhh.....I don't care", he said, no tone in his voice at all. I was completely confused now, he doesn't care? I found out his secret, maybe kept in the dark for years, his most intimate secret; he doesn't care!
"You don't? I'm confused here, so are you gay or not?", no beating around the bush for me, this was getting too weird already. As soon as I asked that, his face became unstable, and tried to hold it back, but it was of no use for him, his emotions got the best of him, and started laughing. What did he think was so funny? I stood up quickely and walked over to him, but remained standing, I wanted answers, and I wanted then now!
"Justin!", I said his name like his mother might say it, "Nothing is funny here! You're obviously gay, now there's nothing wrong with that, DEFINATELY nothing wrong with that for me", I let a small smile escape, "but just talk to me Justin. His face got a bit more serious. Justin found he couldn't laugh his way out of this by making it a life-long joke. I kept standing there, right in front of him, not budging. He looked up at me.
"Deke.....You're right I am gay.....you weren't supposed to find out so soon, I wanted to see if I could trust you first...as a friend." His voice got a little softer, almost to a whisper, "Now I know that I can", he let out a medium smile to my face, not smiling back really. I was happy that he told me and wasn't upset about it, but I still had to tell him 2 very important things about me. I sat down on the boxspring next to him, not too far away, but not too close to him to give anything away too early. "So...what do we do now?"
"I'm gay too!", I couldn't believe how easily that escaped my lips, I at least wanted to work up some tension in my statement, but I saw that we've wasted enough time bantering about this. His smile grew wider, almost to a laugh.
"Well! That's a start.....so.....how long ha......"
"I also have the hots for you Justin!" Justin seemed a bit more surprise by THIS statement than the last one. I don't know why really, I mean, what are the chances that someone is gay? Ok, 1/10, but I mean...come on! I personally would be VERY surprised by finding out someone was gay, I mean I was before, but....nothing compared to his face now.
"What do you mean....Deke? You...have...the...hots...for.......me?",
His voice was so scared and cute, I thought he was gonna cry or explode
at any moment. He continued, "I mean....ho....", I'm so sorry, but I had
another nack for cutting him off mid-sentence. Not with words, but definately
something that expressed my feelings for him....a long, hard.....kiss.
It was so intense, I got a surge in my body that just wouldn't let go.
I closed my eyes and leaned into him a bit, causing Justin to lay back
on the boxspring. I wrapped my arms around him, never letting him go. Then
I opened my eyes to look into his sweet face. Well....his eyes were open.....WIDE
open.....a look of wonder in his eyes. Then, I noticed that he wasn't kissing
me back. In fact, what I had just done was totally passive on his part,
and aggressive on my part all the way.
In embarassment, I backed away from his face, his back, his whole body. I didn't understand what was happening, I thought I was doing the right thing here, I mean, we were both gay, I had the hots for him, we both just came out to each other, we got along fine, what was the problem? Was I not kissing right? Was his guard off and I didn't wait long enough? Was he really gay? Did he not like me? I needed answers. I couldn't control myself, I put my hands in my lap to hide my buldging pants, and I was in total confusion. The thought proccess of my brain was going a mile a minute trying to figure things out, like trying to do long-division in your head. Something was missing alright. Justin got himself straightened out on the bed and crossed his arms over his lap. He gave me a look I saw just a short while earlier, when he told me that he was in fact gay. He put his hands in mine, and looked into my eyes.
"Deke...umm...sorry about that, you could me off guard there, hehe.....but you need to know something, if I had known you were gay long before you had....kissed me, then you would've known that I have a boyfriend, a serious boyfriend, and we're in love!" My world right then and there was crushed! I know I'd known Justin for only a day now, but I thought that he liked me in the same way that I liked him, and we were BOTH gay! I guess he actually was being extra friendly, changing his image to make new friends fast, like his mother had said.
"Are you ok with this, man? I'm just soo sorry about this misunderstanding, I want to be friends with you Deke, really good friends!"
"I'll be fine, I'm ok now", that was a lie, I know, but I didn't need any comfort from him, not now.
"Are you sure", he was looking compassionately at me, into my eyes.
I hesitated, "Uhh....yeah, just forget about it. Accidents happen right?", I faked a smile, he knew it was fake. "So how did you meet Mr. Right?", I had to skew the conversation away from my being hurt. I didn't deserve to be comforted right now, I just keep falling too fast, I try to pace myself, but in the end I just end up making a complete ass out of myself!
"Well.....his name is Jon, I met him online about 2 years ago, right when I found out I was gay. Through time, we just fell in love, then we started sending pics to each other, making Texas to Florida phone calls when our parents weren't home and all that......"
"Florida? Here?", I knew discussing his boyfriend was making his happier, but me a bit more disappointed.
"Yeah! About one town over from here actually! My devilish self mentioned his school to my mom and so I applied and got in. We moved here so I could go to Hollywood Country Day School." Those words rang in my brain. He actually applied to MY school and got in for his boyfriend? There's a gay person I might know but I didn't know he was gay that's in MY school? Now I was REALLY interested in this.
You're going to go to Hollywood Country Day? That's my school, too", I let an involuntary smile slip, "So, what's this Jon's last name anyways? Maybe I know him."
"I'm going to your school?! That's cool....well his last name is Wachowski", Justin said in surprise.
"Jon Wachowski? He was in like all of my classes last year! Probaly this year too! I thought he was kinda cute, but quiet and shy to most of the kids in the school. I talk to him in class when I can, cuz he didn't have many friends, but that's really.....really great.....the two of you I mean.", I made a real smile, because I actually WAS happy that Jon made a friend, a boyfriend to be exact, and it was with this great guy.
"Thanks.....now it will be easier for the two of you to be friends, right?", he was right, if they were going out, and me and Justin were friends, then me and Jon would be friends as well.
"Yeah, you're right, I won't have a problem with that?"
We talked about his relationship with Jon and his going to my school for about 15 more minutes. I found out that, according to Justin's schedule, we would be in two classes together, study hall and lunch. I thought those periods together would be great, and study hall was our last class of the day, so I could walk him out and show him around school. Yeah, I thought it would be great. I had to go home, it was getting pretty late anyways for me before dinner. So I walked home, thinking of my new friend, my new gay friend that is.....no.....2 to be exact now! I was thinking about Jon, how I'd always glance at him in class to see what he was up to, and he'd always be looking down at his notes or his feet, I never could tell anyways, just like I never would've guessed that he was gay, and he made much a powerful impact on an individual to cause him to actually change his whole life just to be near him. It was sweet in a way.
Then another thought popped into my head; I wanted
to show Justin around school and hang out with him, but if he was going
out with and TOTALLY in love with Jon, then how would I ever play into
the picture? I'd be a third-wheel in the group when I hang out with them,
always trying to get my 2 cents in, them not caring what I had to say,
nor they directing their comments at me either. I might be left out of
the group completely, forgotten and never remembered again. Sure, I had
my best firend Bryan to hag around with, but I needed friends I could really
relate to, Justin and Jon, together forever. I shook my head in disbelief,
letting my over-active imagination take a hike for once in the last hour,
maybe I was just hungry.
I got home right before my parents got home and thankfully, got my erection to go down on me, well after what had happened to me, I wasn't really in a lustful mood anyways. I planned to tell them that I met the new neighbors, that I was good friends with their son, that he was going to my school and was in some of his classes, that he was gay and I had the major hots for him for a half a day, but he already had a boyfriend who was in my school as well, that I was ok with all of that. Yeah right, in a perfect world maybe, but we all know that things would be much more dfferent in a perfect world. Nuff said!
I sat down for dinner with my parents and planned to tell them what happened today, the nice part anyways.
"Hey mo....", I got cut off by my dad. What was wrong with me and my family these days? We couldn't let others talk without cutting them off?
"I've got some exciting news family!", my mom looked up to my dad, "I got a small promotion and a raise!", my mom got giddy and clpped her hands.
"Wow, that's great honey! How did it happen? Is it all that extra work you've been putting in?", my mom said happily.
"I think so dear, but also a man in my department got fired, I got his job. They chose ME to fill it!"
"How did the man get fired?", I managed to get a word in. My dad hestitated a bit, then looked at my mother, then looked at me to speak.
"Well information on that wasn't givin to me, but I heard some guys saying that he was a homosexual, and he got fired because he was, or something like that."
"Do you know what a homosexual is honey?", my mom said. She thinks I'm so smart sometimes, other times she asks me if I know a simple concept such as homosexuality. I would have LOVED to blurt out that I was gay right then and there, that would teach them how mature I am!
"Yes, I do mother, right up there with the birds and the bees", I emphasized on the word mother. Showing her how mature at words I really was. My dad let out a small smile at my mom. She gave him a stare, then hi face got more serious and he continued.
"When will they ever learn?", he shook his head. I had to hand it to him, he was admirable, I had heard him talking about gays before. I had to say something to show I agreed with him.
"Yeah, gays should be treated much better dad, you're right.", I said. My dad cocked his head towards me. Then his expression changed to of confusion.
"Deke, I was talking about homo's, when will they learn to not invade a private establishments such as where I work, and just leave us all alone. The audacity of those people, making us uncomfortable in just about ANY situation, living among us, working among us, LOVING among us. It's grotesque!" I couldn't believe what I just heard...from my own father...a gay hater! I didn't know what to do, to say, to decide whether to go on through my choice lifestyle, knowing my father, and mother maybe, were anti-gay. I felt trapped in my own house, in front of my parents. I was frozen with fear, my dad was leering at me, waiting for a response from me. Maybe he was testing me? He kept looking at me. What was I supposed to do? I just sat there in silence, looking down at my plate. Yes, that i what I chose to do, to say nothing, to do nothing but stare at my plate.
Save by the door bell at last, after about 5 minutes of staring at my plate. I quickely jumped up from my chair, said that I'd get the door, and walked out of the room. I'd have given anything to leave the table. I opened the door to see Justin standing there. He frowned at me at first, but then gave me a huge smile, one of those forced ones that people do. I could tell he was just trying to be funny.
"Hey", I managed to say to him.
"Hey neighbor! Ready for some action?", Justin said in a low-tone. He gave me one of those glances. I was surprised by that remark. I really couldn't take these innuendos that teens do then, escecially in front of my gay-hating parents. I quickely glanced back inside to see if anyone was watching us, then I ran outside and closed the door behind me. I grabbed Justin by the wrist and led him to my backyard and to the lawnchairs on my pooldeck. I sat down on a lawn chair and he sat down opposite me.
"What's wrong, Deke?", Justin said. Uh oh!
He had that compassionate expression on his face, it melted me a bit. I
felt I needed to tell him, escecially so he can watch himslef in front
of my parents, and make a nice, mature, striaght impression on them. It'll
work out fine. I leaned forward in my chair, he flinche back a small bit.
"I just found out....tonight to my dismay......that my father, and mother possibly....", I lowered to a trembling whisper, "are...gay haters", Justin leaned forward in his chair in reaction to that. He cover is mouth slightly.
"Oh my god, I don't know what to say Deke. I'm sorry if what I said at the door shouldn't have been said in the vacinity of your parents.", at about this time I was tearing up while we talked. I've been leading a selected lifestyle for about 2 years now, and I know now that I can NEVER tell my parents about it, never look them in the face seriously without remembering who they are, and how much different we really are.
"I dunno what to do!", I realized I was beginning to cry, and rather loudly at that. I at least lowered to a whisper again for him, "My whole life is ruined if my parents can't accept who I am."
"I know, I told my mother that I was gay last summer, and it was hard on her too. My mother realized that a gay teen cannot live a fully gay life in Texas, so we moved to Florida. She doesn't know about me and Jon yet, I wouldn't think she'd like the idea of us moving all the way to this part of the state for a school. So you see, come people can handle things like sexuality, others can't.", well I'd be lying if I said he didn't enlighten me any, and I'm not a liar (in a courtroom anyways). I felt uncomfortable talking like this in a gay hater's backyard, near his pool.
"We need to get out of here Justin. I can't stand being here any longer, let's take a walk around the neighborhood.", he agreed. We started walking around my block, showing him all of the houses on my block; I managed to point out the peeling house at the end of our street, which makes the rest of the street look ugly. We walked another couple of blocks in silence, just enjoying being outside in the summer, then we made it to the park. It was virtually empty, except for a couple walking couples. We walked around the block in more silence, except for a couple glances at each other here and there. I don't think he knew it, but he was making me feel better by not doing anything but walking and glancing every once in a while; this friendship could work after all. He had walked around the park about 6 times, then he proceeded to put his arm around me.
"What are you doing Justin?", I innocently asked.
"Oh, I'm sorry Deke, if you want me to....."
"Oh...no, it's alright, you caught ME by surprise this time! HEHE! Leave it there, please", I was truly happy for the first time today, and it was with my good friend Justin."
"HEHEHE! Good one!", he looked into my eyes, "You've stopped crying. You feeling better then?", I looked back into his, and saw friendship, utter friendship in them, for me. I knew we'd never be anything but good friends from now on, but I had a feeling that it wouldn't be all that bad after all. I looked at my watch, it was about 8:00, we'd been walking for about 2 hours now and was getting dark.
"It's 8", I said, "I suppose we should be getting back.....to my house.", my hestitation was suttle, but clear, deep inside I didn't want to go back to my parents, not yet. Yeah, Justin was smart at these kinds of these, I could tell right away.
"Do you want to go somewhere else? Back to my house maybe?"
"God, yes, I don't want to go home Justin. Let's go to your house, please."
"Sure thing!", Justin exclaimed, so we went. We got back to his house at about 8:15, in silence again. We went up to his room, which was now cleaned up and looked rather nice with it filled up and neat. He had a waterbed mattress in his bedroom now; I loved waterbeds! We made a pitiful attempt to plug in his new Sony Dreamcast to his tv. We finally got it working after a couple trial and errors of wire placement. We played the game that it came with for quite a bit. It seemed to take my mind off of things for a while, about an hour to be exact. It was now 9:45, and I was getting uneasy. Curfew for me normally was at 11. I didn't want to go home yet, I really didn't.
"I have to go in an hour you know, Justin.", I put my controller down, which was the official gamers sign that said, "I don't wanna play this console game anymore!" He looked at me for a second.
"I'm too nice to you, Deke!", he got up and
went downstairs. I heard him asking his mother if I could spend the night,
she said yes, then she told him to go find the sleeping bag, that I should
check with my parents, and no funny business. Yeah, his mom knows he's
gay alright, did she know I was gay? Naa, no use pondering over ridiculous
bull, I've got enough on my mind. He came back up with a sleep bag. I was
so happy, he actually was too nice to me! "It's ok as long as it's cool
with your parents, and you want to sleep over that is......" I complied
and ran out of the room, downstairs, and out the door. I suddenly realized
where I was going. I was going to the very place I wanted to avoid. I didn't
wanna see my parents, I didn't wanna set foot in that house, I didn't wanna
look them in the eyes. So I decided to go back to Justin's house and use
his phone to call. Well I called alright, I called bigtime. Then it was
all over, I didn't have to face them for another day, or week, or whatever.
I wanted to stay at Justin's forever, he made me happy.
We played games on his computer, looked at some porn for a while, he showed me some cool sites he knew, we chatted a bit online, and I e-mailed Tommy like I promised. That pretty much took up the entire night. At around 12:30, we started getting ready for bed, he was pretty tired from the trip and everything that's happened today, and I was tired from crying and lifting boxes and stuff. I stipped to my boxers as usual, Justin did the same out of courtesy; he said he always slept naked, maybe next time I slept over, I dunno. Justin got into his waterbed, and I got into my sleeping bag. Justin shut his lamp off. I managed to make some small talk before we were both asleep.
"So...Justin, first night in your new house", it was weak, but it didn't really matter anymore.
"Yeah, feels kinda nice. I think I'll like living here. Maybe we should go to Jon's house tomorrow, pay him a surprise visit!", I almost forgot about Jon, the loverboy who got to Justin first, I think I admired Jon for it.
"HEHE, he'd freak, doesn't even know you're here yet."
"Nope", Justin said.
"Hmm....well I'm out, think we should go to sleep now?", I kinda did wanna get some sleep.
"Gee, I dunno, are you gonna be alright? With your parents and all", I wanted to think of anything but my parents right now.
"Yeah, I'll get through it somehow. Don't worry too much about me.", I'm getting really tired.
"Ok, if you say so. Hey, we just met today, and now we're worrying for each other and stuff? What if we find out we don't have much in common, or don't get along well?", I can hardly keep my eyes open.
"I think we'll get along juuuust fine Ju...........", darkness.
"........you're a really great guy and I know everything will be fine with your parents.", I dunno how much time had just passed, but Justin was leaning over me in my bed, talking into my ear. I turned my head towards him, our lips were inches apart, I could feel his breath on my mouth.
"Huh? Oh, I was asleep, you ARE too nice to me, Justin", I smiled. He was so nice to me today, he never got mad at me once, not ONCE. I just had to kiss him to thank him. So I leaned in, and placed an angel kiss on his cheek, the smallest peck. "Thankyou, for everything Justin." I hope I wasn't being too forward with him. Too much to think about right now. He was still looming over me, reacting to the small kiss. Before I knew it, he kissed me on the lips, nothing sexy, but still a 10 in my book!
"Your welcome, Deke. Goodnight!", he crawled
back into his own bed, and that was that!
Well, there it is, my second story! I think it's better than the first one, but ya'll have to tell me.
Email me- Doom03@yahoo.com ,
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