I almost collapsed on the spot. I stared my mother down, trying to see her emotion. What was it? Her face was blank. Come on Jon, think. You're smarter than this. Look, if she was bloody mad at you then she wouldn't have been nice and been talking to you earlier, right? Right! Ok, so my mother wasn't mad. Hmm, Dad hadn't said anything since me and Tommy walked in. I turned to him, he was right next to Tommy and I. I took a step away from Dad, Tommy was frozen with fear, but ironically, he was the one to break this awkward silence between us.
"Shit", he whispered. Mum and Dad turned to him.
"Pardon?", Dad said to Tommy.
"Oh... err... ah, nothing.", he replied. I decided to open my mouth finally.
"I think I should go....."
"No! Wait Jon," Mum said, "We're not mad at you OR Justin. I was just saying that his mum talked to me on the phone and told me all about how you two were and that it was completely normal. Look, if you have to run along, then we're talk about it afterwards, ok?"
"Yes Mum. Thank you Mum. Dad." I nodded to my dad and he nodded back. I gave Tommy a shove and he walked to the door rapidly, I followed right behind him.
"Oh! Jon?", my father yelled back at me right before I reached the front door.
"Yes Dad?", I said.
"Umm... Mum and I would really like to meet Justin one of these days." He gave me a loving smile.
"Oh, err... yes dad, of course. Before school starts you'll meet him.", I said.
"Very good, Jon. Cheerio!", he said happily, maybe a bit nervous.
"Bye!", I waved to my parents as I left. When I got outside I left out a huge sigh. What the hell was that? Oh my god, my parents know I'm gay! My mind went crazy, I felt dizzy, the world was spinning, my parents knew I was gay, my breathing got harder and faster, my stomach was churning, I was sweating, I felt nausia inside me, my parents knew I was gay. I collapsed onto the ground as this sudden realization came to me. Why hadn't I reacted before while inside the house? Was I in shock? Denial? My mind screamed out. I could've sworn that I was going insane. Anyone seeing me like this must've thought I was having a seizure or something like that. A white blur cleared itself away from my eyes and I could see again. I was looking up into the stars. Ahh.... there's the Big Dipper, and the North Star, and look, there's Tommy in the sky, too! He's waving at me, right across my eyes. Ohhh... what a pretty sight, I wish Justin was here to see this. Justin.... Justin.... my boyfriend.
"Jon... err... Jon?", Tommy began snapping in my face. I tried to lift my head up but I felt a huge weight on it, I couldn't lift it. I saw the moon in the sky, it smiled at me and I smiled back. "Are you ok or not? Come on, say something." The moon had Tommy's voice.
"I'm ok, but you're so far away, can I reach you?", I said to the moon. The moon's face got concerned, I didn't even know the moon had a face......
"Yes, of course you can. Here take this, all of it.", I floated up to the moon, he got closer and gave me an object to consume.
"Is it cheese, Moon? I like cheese, it's good, cheese is good, especially cheese you can have, not that unedible cheese, but I know that you have good cheese, cuz you're the moooooooonnn......."
"Yes, it's cheese, now have this cheese and swallow it, Jon." I took the cheese and drank it. Bubbly and tangy cheese, in a cup. Wait, it wasn't cheese at all! The moon had tricked me. The moon.... what moon? I looked up at the inanimate object in the sky. The moon didn't do anything, who did? I leaned forward to see Tommy, twice fold. I looked down. I was holding a cup, there was coke in it. I burped and looked back up to Tommy, there was only one Tommy this time, he cocked his head to one side and raised one eye-brow.
"Huh?" Was all I could say. It was true though, my whole mind was saying that. I let reality slip away from me. Err... and my head hurt. I felt this pain rush the the back of my head.
"Are you ok?", Tommy said. I tried to keep my balance and stand up. I stumbled forwards and Tommy caught me.
"I don't know, w... what happened?", I asked, grabbing his arm for balance.
"I'm not sure exactly. We went out here, then I saw you looking distressed, and you fell down and bumped your head, and you were talking all gibberish, calling me the moon, asking me for cheese, err...", Tommy explained it all. I hallucinated everything.
"Err... I think I'm ok now.", I said, my mouth smelled of Coke.
"Really?", Tommy said concerningly. Oh, he was worried about me, how nice, maybe I really do have a friend in him. I smiled to him and nodded.
"Yeah, really, thanks. Come on, we gotta get this stuff back to Justin's house, they're probably waiting for us as we speak.", I said. Tommy smiled and let out a sigh of relief. We picked up our bags, seeming lighter now that we rested, and started towards Justin's house. Tommy was my best friend......
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Ha! I did it! What? No! No, no, no. Wat did I do? What did I just say? Oh, how could I mess up like that? Did I mess up? Oh, maybe my father was trapping me, and he knew all along. Well, if he did, then my fate might not be so bad, right? He wasn't doing anything. I took this moment ot plot my solution for every possible outcome. If he tries to hit me then I'll run away until he cools down. If he get's his knife or gun out then I'll call the police. If he blames Tommy for this then I'll defend him with all my wits. Still not speaking. I didn't know whether to get mad, worried, or sad. I looked at him, he was thinking. Thinking of what? Where it all went wrong with me? What made me like this? How come he couldn't see this earlier in me? What he did wrong? Was I just confused? How much influence did my friends really have on me? All typical questions I expected someone like him to ask.
"Mr. Friers, sorry for this little outburst from my son, I can assure you, he's not a queer." My father said with a nervous laugh. I smiled back at him deviously, like I had a button in my head that could bomb Russia, and I was just seconds from pressing it unless someone stopped me from it.
"Mr. ahhh....." Justin said, getting cut off by my father....
"Call me Mel.", my dad told him.
"Ok... err.... ahhh... Mel, umm... well where I come from, I didn't like the word 'queer' very much", he paused, "ESPECIALLY if I was called it!" My dad rose out of his seat.
"What? You damn hillbilly! I knew it the minute I saw you! I'll call you whatever I want!", my dad raised his voice so loudly, I was surprised Justin wasn't crying or something. A freak, a fag, a homo, a yokel, a fairy......."
"Shut up, dad", I whispered. "Shut up, dad", I said. "Dad, shut the fuck up! You will never talk to Justin that way! You will never talk to Tommy that way! You will never talk to me that way, because you are wrong about me!", I guess you could say I was yelling at this point, so loud I startled my father. "If you badmouth my friends, you are bad mouthing me, because I AM gay, I'll always be gay no matter what, and I am in love with Tommy! What are you going to do about it? You can't do anything, so get used to it, because I am your son, GOODBYE!"
I ran back to the front door and opened it. Justin walked out onto the front porch, I followed. I began to walk out when I felt a hand grab my collar and pull me back inside. The door was slammed and locked, leaving Justin outside. I was turned around, slanding face to face with my father.
"You... you stupid, naive queer, are NOT my son! I can kill you if I wanted to, and right now, that's not such a bad idea!", he said. I felt like he wasn't my father, he morphed into a different person. I was so scared, so utterly scared, I was trembling. His eyes, like a snake's, staring right into mine. They broke me in seconds. I felt a tear or two drop from my eyes. "I knew it. Fucking pussy....." He grabbed my shoulder tight and through me across the floor towards the fireplace. My back landed hard into the bricks, a sharp pain went down my spine. I tried to stand back up, but the pain was too great. I felt more relief by staying on the ground. "What? Can't get up? Good, stay right there!" My father walked upstairs and out of my sight, I couldn't see what he was doing. Maybe getting a knife? Or a gun? Well, I didn't want to find out. I needed help. The phone. On the coffee table. About ten feet away. I could crawl to it seconds and call the police. I turned around first, I needed to arm myself with something. I took the long, metal log poker from the stand that was next to the fireplace and quickly made my over to the coffee table. As I crawled on my hands and knees in pain, I heard a door open and close from upstairs. I had only a few precious moments left to reach the phone. I was halfway there, it hurt so much. I bit my lip and surpressed my pain and used all of my strength to speed up my pace. Almost there.... almost there..... reach up and get the phone.... just reach it... it's not that far. I flung myself up and onto the coffee table an grabbed the phone, the metal log poker still at my side. I turned the phone on in haste and panic and pressed 911.... I was breathing so hard.... it wasn't ringing, why wasn't it ringing? I finally heard ringing on the other end, and then someone picked up.
"911 emergency, what is the problem?", the voice said.
"Help me! Help me!" I immediately screamed into the phone. "My fath........." The phone left my hand. I saw it smash into the wall. I looked up and saw my father's shoe. He kicked the phone! All my hopes were lost. I panicked for a second time drew my weapon and blindly thrust it at him. It poked him in it the arm a bit, I didn't see any blood come out. I guess I didn't know how weak I actually was. He grabbed the metal rod from my grasp.
"Ms. Pretty tried to get help and then try to attack me? Not in this house!", he said furiously. He dragged me by the collar to the middle of the room. I looked up at my father, a poker in on hand and a razor blade in the other. He dropped the poker by his side and used his free hand to hold me by the throat so hard that I couldn't breathe if I moved. He opened the razor blade and cut me shirt by making a line down my chest. I couldn't really see what he happened to my chest, but there was some blood on the blade. He wounded my chest! It hurt almost as much as my severed back. Tears in my eyes were welling up, everything was a blur.
"Please dad, why are you doing this?", I pleaded with him, begged for god damn mercy.
"Shut up queer boy! You want to get things shoved up your ass, you got it!" He yelled at me, putting the razor down and picking up the poker. What was he going to do? What the fuck was he going to do with that thing? I screamed at the top of my lungs so hard I got dizzy. This had to be a dream, right? Why wasn't I waking up. I begged God for help, if he was listening to me up there then he'd help me. My father grabbed my shoulder and turned me around onto my stomach. My chest pained with the pressure it was from the hard floor. Things would never be the same for me again. Never again. Never again. There was no more hope, I couldn't stop him. In the next 2 minutes I may never be able to walk again. I was crying so hard all my senses were blocked out. I felt like passing out, then maybe he'd leave me alone. I was close enough as it is to loosing conciousness. Oh, I just wanted it all to be over with already, just do it and get it over with! So, why wasn't he doing it? I looked up from the rug. Police. 2 of them in the door way. Medics, coming towards me, helping me up into a stretcher. They lifted me up into it. I didn't see where my father was, I assumed they had hauled him off into a police car. A mask was put on me. I began to breathe normally again. I saw Justin run along side me as I was wheeled into an ambulance. I faintly heard him pleading with the paramedics to let him on with me. In moments I saw him next to me again. I reached my hand out and he held it. I was becoming more and more rested. My eyes were getting heavier by the second, but I still remained in eye contact with Justin.
"Y...you're going to be ok Deke, d...don't worry, you aren't going to d...d..die." I saw tears in Justin's eyes. He took his eyes from mine, they went to the other side of me. "H... he isn't, right?"
"No, of course not. Just some bruises a mild scars." A voice said. I saw a head appeared over mine, and the voice came again from the man, a paramedic, "Deke, I want you to count backwards from 5 until you get to 0, ok? Can you do that?" I gave a slight nod.
"Five.....four.....three....", I said slowly. I felt vibrations in my head. No. Cloudiness. Things becoming a blur to me. "T...two...." I looked back at Justin. "One....", I couldn't tell if he said it out loud or whispered it or mouthed it to me, but I knew his lips moved as if saying that he loved me. I relaxed some more in that comfort. He was my best friend and he was here with me. "Ze..ee..rr..o..oo", I thought wonderful thoughts of Tommy and finally let my eyes shut. The world around me disappeared and I was transported into a dream world.........
I had a film noirist's fantasy type of dream. Of course you can only remember the jist of a dream, and this was no different. I vaguely remember marshmellows and caramels everywhere while I was dancing like in Pulp Fiction with Tommy. Then I was someone in the Godfather, err.... didn't know who. I never liked that move anyhow. I faintly remember being on Titanic, the movie, not the ship itself. I was standing next to Leonardo DiCaprio, Justin was there, too. Justin was trying to ask Leo out, and I just stood there. Leo said yes to a date and Justin started crying, then the ship sank........
My eyes finally opened; I was in a hospital bedroom. My mind was so clouded, like I was sick, or just drowsy. I looked down, I was in a bed, wearing one of those white hospital gowns. I felt naked under it, probably because I WAS naked under it. Well, now I'll never know how they got my clothes off and into one of these. I had this invasion of prvacy feeling, like I was drugged and raped, but I didn't realize that I was raped until I saw some evidence of it. I tried to sit up in my bed, but pain immediately shot down my back. I whinced and let out a loud gasp and fell back in my bed, breathing hard. The pain soon was alleviated. I noticed that my chest hurt, too. I looked down and there was a long bandage going the down the whole length of my chest. There was dry blood on the edges of the bandage.
"Shit", I gasped, still breathing hard from the pain in my body. Suddenly I heard noise, shifting sounds, from the other side of the room. I looked up to find Justin, asleep in a chair. I didn't dare admire the delicate features of his sleeping face, for falling in love with him was just too easy. "Justin....", I whispered, I had to clear my throat, "Justin", I said in a normal tone. He opened his eyes and slowly picked his head up from his arms and looked up at me and smiled. "Hi", I said to him, smiling back.
"Hi.... are you ok?", he said lightly. I shook my head 'no'. His smile faded a bit.
"What time is it, Justin?", I asked him. There was a window outside my room, pitch black. He took a quick look at his watch.
"Half past...uhh... nine. Crap, I should call to see where Jon and Tommy are, tell them to get over here if they can."
"Jon should know where it is, don't worry.", I said, resting my head back on the pillow. "Get the nurse or doctor or whatever, will ya?" Justin got up from his chair and walked over to me to give me a small hug.
"I hope you feel better Deke. Don't worry, I was the the hospital for a while and just about all of my wounds healed. There's still some light ones on my arms, but those were deep, yours are nothing.", Justin said in a sweet compassionate voice. He walked over to the door. "I'll be right back, ok?" I gave a slight nod and he walked out. I was all alone. I got to thinking and pondering. All that had happened seemed like a nightmare. If the police hadn't come to stop my father, ohh... I didn't even want to imagine what would have happened to me. I pictured him sitting in a jail cell right now. He was caught red handed for domestic violence, and maybe even rape and torture. Ohh... it was so terrible, I wanted to surpress my emotions; my anger, my sadness, my fear, my utter relief. It just seemed so unfeasable that my own father could act like such a monster to me. What was wrong with him? I expected him to be mad, but not act like an insane asylum's dream prisoner. Did my mother know what she was getting into when she married him? Was she the same as him? Where was my mother anyways? Ohh.... she would be visiting me soon hopefully. Wouldn't she? All these things were spinning around in my mind, if I started worrying about Tommy then I'd go completely insane. Suddenly the door opened and a nurse and a woman police officer entered. A woman police officer, this would be easy; woman are more sympathetic and easier to come out to. Of course I was still afraid of sending my own father to prison for life. The nurse asked me how I was feeling, checked my blood pressure, and all that, then left me with the cop. She took out a pen and paper and pulled up a seat next to me.
"Hello, I'm Lt. Sheridan, I'm going to ask you some questions if you're up to it ok?", she said in a soft voice. I nodded 'yes'. She opened the pen and put it to the paper. "Alright, first off, what is your full name?"
"Deke Lamrock, ma'am.", I answered. Hey, being polite would only make things better. She wrote down what I said.
"Your relationship with Melvin Lamrock......"
"He's my dad."
"And your relationship with Justin Friers....."
"He's my best friend."
"Ok, now do you know why your father did all this to you?"
"Y...yes, because I'm g...gay.", I stuttered out, she didn't seem surprised by my answer, just wrote it all out. Then she took out a peice of paper from her pocket and showed it to me.
"This is the police report by my partener, he recorded your father's confession of everything he did to you earlier. Can you verify it all?" I read the short, but concise paragraph, detailing the events that went on almost perfectly.
"Yes, that's what happened, ma'am." I said. She put the piece of paper away and stood up.
"Thank you Mr. Lamrock, that's all we need from you at this time. I'm sorry this couldn't wait until tomorrow, but, you know......", she said while walking to the door. I nodded, even though I didn't know. "I'll come back here tomorrow at around noon time. So.... until then....", then she walked off. What an interesting chat. My mind didn't have time for dwelling, I only wanted to relax. It was hard to though; my back hurt so much, sometimes it was hard to breath right. I started turning and twisting in my bed, trying to ease my pain in a good position. I was lay on my left shoulder at one point when I noticed some blue pills next to a cup of water. The nurse must have put them there a while ago; maybe she told me to take them when I wasn't listening. Didn't matter, I took the pills hastily, and I was rewarded with relief. I rested a bit in my bed when Justin came back in.
"Hey", he said, sitting down on the chair that the cop pulled up next to my bed. I smiled at him. "I called my house, Jon and Tommy are on their way, should be here soon. I dunno where your mom is, sorry." I sighed when he said that.
"It's ok... hmm. For some reason my mom has been really distant lately, I dunno what it is. It's almost as weird as how my dad has been acting. What is wrong with my them? They don't even feel like my parents anymore." It was true. They didn't even feel like my parents. I hardly looked like them; sometimes I got really suspicious about that, maybe they weren't my parents, but that was just crazy talk. I was getting lightheaded, I knew it, the pills were kicking in. At least the pain in my back wasn't as strong.
"Don't worry, I'm sure your mom will turn up, she's probably where you dad is, trying to bail him out or something.", Justin said, trying to make me feel better, which made me feel worse.
"What? I don't want that sucker out of jail yet!", I yelled. My back got enflamed as I was yelling and I had clench my teeth to keep from passing out from the pain. The painkillers finally kicked in all the way and I felt myself getting dizzy. Justin leaned forward in his chair.
"Deke. Deke! What is it?" He grabbed my arm. I was breathing hard, I started to take longer breaths to slow it down.
"My.... back" I noticed I had involuntarily been tearing up, I wiped them from my eyes, "It's ok.... now." I wanted to fall asleep again. Geez, come on pills, go faster!
"It hurts? Should I get the nurse?" The concern in his eyes for my well-being. I was in awe of it. I had this warm feeling inside of me, not love; I mean, I did love Justin, I wasn't in love with him, but there was this weird feeling, like he was a true friend, who would always be there for me, who would call for help, who would hold me when I was in pain, who would stay in the hospital with me, who would kiss me just to let me know that he cared. For the first time I actually could differentiate the feeling of love, the feeling of sympathy, and the feeling of friendship. It was amazing, absolutely remarkable. I felt so loved, so lucky, and I didn't resent being gay anymore, because you can have friendship on a whole new level with another gay person. A window opened in my mind, I saw it all: the love, the rewards, the happiness. It all made sense to me, being this way was the best thing that ever happened to me. I felt reborn, so what if some people hated you, it would never in a million years match up to the good feelings you got in return. I was holding Justin's hand.....
"No, it doesn't hurt, not anymore. I'm so tired, I think I'm going to go to sleep for the night, ok?", I said in the softest voice.
"Sure, just rest ok? I'll always be here with you. You are truely my first real friend, and I love you." He got all teary eyed and gave me a small hug. "Oh, I'm sorry, just seeing you like this, it reminds me of when I was in the hospital. I had to eat through a straw held by my mother, who I dreaded seeing because she had just found out that I was gay. I was in so much pain, it hurt ot move. I begged them to give me painkiller and nitrus oxide, pleaded with them, but they told me I might get addicted, so I had to just endure the pain, and don't get me started with how hard it was to write again.", he reach to grab a tissue and wipe his eyes.
"So sweet, Justin. Don't worry, I'll be ok.... I just need some rest.", I said. My eye lids were getting heavier and heavier by the second. In no time my eyes were closed............
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
"I can't do this for another second Jon, I feel like I'm going to die.........", I fell right on Justin's porch. I looked up and the door was wide open. I stood up, leaving the bags on the porch, and went inside. All of the lights were on. I called Deke and Justin, no one answered back. I walked into his kitchen, the phone was off the hook and hanging by its cord. I walked over to it slowly, scared that some crazed killer witch would come out and pull my teeth and organs out. Oh god, that stupid movie was getting to me already, and Justin lived right near the freakin woods! I ran to the phone and hung it up, then ran outside screaming. Where the fuck was Jon! The Blair Witch of Hollywood, Florida is hunting us, and it got to Jon first! At the conclusion of my senseless panic, I noticed two cop cars parked in front of Deke's house. This sparked another panic inside me and I ran from Justin's house to Deke's house. What the fuck happened here? There were cops, and Jon, and those fireplace thingies, and a razorblade, and...... and........ BLOOD! Oh my god there was a line of blood on the floor. Only on thought entered my mind then. "He's dead! Oh my god, he's dead!" Jon grabbed me and shook me by the shoulders.
"Tommy, he's not dead, but something just.... happened." We both turned to the cops for answers.
"Sorry kids, all we know are the crimes committed: assault with a deadly weapon and domestic violence. They took 'em to the hospital a while ago, don't touch anything will ya?", one of the cops said. The phone rang in Justin's house and Jon ran over there to pick it up. I was staring at Deke's blood and the razorblade on the floor in his living room, they stared back at me, mocking me; in no time I was leaning back against the wall and crying. I shouldn't have left him, I knew I shouldn't have fucking left him for one god damn second with that maniac! If I ever found that man then I'd kill him without thinking twice. I loved Deke more than anything in this world, if he died then I would die too, and we'd both be in a better place. Jon and Justin didn't need the two of us, all they had and needed was each other. They had no worries in the world, I mean, sure Justin had his hard times, but now he has none, and Jon, well his parents now knew about him, they didn't seem mad to me. My parents didn't know, I didn't know if I should tell them or not; I was in fear of them. Deke was in fear of his parents, too. We were both trapped. I saw Jon come running into the house.
"He's bloody ok, Tommy! He's in a hospital not far from here, we can get there in about 30 minutes if we go now.......", Jon said happily, but was interrupted all of a sudden by a tv reporter and a camera crew storming into the house, video taping the house, the cops, the items on the floor, and us. The reporter lady said something to the camera for a minute, then ran over to us.
"Cici Shields, 11 o'clock news, do any of you two boys know what happened here?", she said. We both shook our heads 'no'. "How do you know the victim?", she asked immediately.
"We're his friends.", Jon said.
"Have you ever seen any kind of tension between the victim and his father?", she asked. We both shook no. After about 10 more minutes of stupid questions we didn't know that answer to, she let us go and we ran off to the hospital. We ran the first 5 minutes, oh.... so much walking today, then we did a fast pace. My mind was going a mile a minute, I was so mad at Deke's father, I was hoping Deke would be ok, I knew I shouldn't have left him and Justin alone. For sone reason I blamed Justin, he seemed to act too gay in public. Oh man, if Justin is to blame, I'm going to kill him. We finally reached the hospital and we both ran inside to the front desk.
"Deke Lamr'ck's room, please", I said, catching my breath." The receptionist told us 'Room 101', and we ran to that room. When we arrived I brushed myself off and quietly opened the door slowly. Inside, Justin was sitting in a chair next to Deke, who was laying on a bed. He had a cut down his chest with blood all over. Oh... I just couldn't take it anymore. I ran to the other side of him and put my arms around him, crying. "How could I let this happen to you, my love. Ohh...." I burst out crying, but Deke was sound asleep.
"Do you want us to stay?", Justin asked me. I shook my head 'no' and they said that they'd come around at about nine o'clock tomorrow, then they told me to say hi to Deke for then, and finally they were gone. I sat down where Justin had been sitting and rested my head on Deke's arm.
"Everything will be ok, I'll take care of you
baby.", I whispered to him. I leaned forward and kissed his cheek. I closed
my eyes and rested on him lightly, not wanting to wake him. Minutes later
a nurse came in and asked if I was to stay with him for the night. I said
yes and a small cot was brought in for me right next to the bed. When the
lights were turned out, I held Deke's hand all night........
Ahh HAHAHAHA! Suprised? No, I knew you wouldn't be. Don't fret, a new Deke will be cumming to your computer soon! Plus, tell me your comments so far so I know this isn't all done for no reason, right? RIGHT? Right.... so......
AOL IM: Doom03