Thanks for all the comments, they are greatly appreciated. Keep them coming, I like getting email, it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy :o)
Here's chapter 2, can't wait to hear what you think. Happy reading!
I hooked my mp3 player up in my car and listened to what I have affectionately named Adam radio, all my favorite songs all the time. The first song was Hey There Delilah. I started singing along to it on my way to Jeff's house. When I pulled into Jeff's driveway the song was still going. Since Jeff was no where in sight I thought I'd go a little American Idol and sing my heart out. I was really starting to get into it when I heard loud pounding on the hood of my car. There was Jeff laughing his ass off at me. He walked around to the passenger side and got in.
"You so thought you were alone." He said while trying to control his laughter.
My face was beet red. I had no idea that anyone had been watching me.
"I knew you were there the whole time."
"Yeah right." Jeff said with a smirk
"Let's get out of here before we're late." I said annoyed as I pulled out of the driveway.
"Has anyone ever told you that you have the gayest taste in music ever?"
I stopped the car and turned to look at him.
"You know, you can walk to school."
"Loosen up I was just joking, don't get your panties in a bunch, jeez." Jeff said while loosing cool with me.
"Just lay off a little will you? Its kind of been a rough morning."
"Whatever you want A.B." He said with a hurt voice.
We drove the rest of the way to school in silence. I had a lot on my mind and I didn't really care that I hurt Jeff's feelings at the moment. As much as he messes with me it serves him right to be on the receiving end for once. Well, maybe that was a little harsh but at the time I could have cared less.
We pulled into Morris Prep's parking lot and I swear that Jeff and I both let out synchronized sighs of relief. It had been a long ride. I was starting to feel bad about how I snapped at him earlier so I tried to break the ice before we went into school.
"I didn't mean to be so harsh; it's just that I got a lot of stuff on my mind."
"You can be such a girl sometimes, just forget about." Jeff said while smiling.
I grabbed my stuff and we made our way to the building. Hopefully the rest of my morning would go a lot smoother. I noticed Jeff had a bit of a lead on me in the parking lot.
"Come on Delilah, let's move it!" He called to me.
I rolled my eyes; I'd have to remember to get him back for that later.
****************
My first stop every morning was the student lounge. It was a comfortable place, I mean; the school owed us since they make us work so hard academically. The lounge was a large room with maroon carpet that needed to be changed. There were gray circular tables scattered all around and plenty of seating. It even had a generic coffee station that could whip up some killer drinks. Here you could study, relax and if it was desolated enough you could even slip in a good nap. Not that I would know or anything... The best part was that it had Wi-Fi. You could connect and IM on MorrisNet, our schools very own IM service. That might be the coolest thing that our school has ever done.
By the time we made it to the student lounge most of our group was already there. Sitting at the table was Megan, Eddie, Craig, Dan, Nate, Lauryn, and Brandon. We'd all been friends since forever. I couldn't imagine my life without these guys.
"It's about time!" Megan exclaimed while flipping through one of her fashion magazines.
Megan Wells was my other best friend. She was stunningly beautiful. She had medium length auburn hair that always looked like she just left the salon. She has these cute freckles that flowed nicely across her nose. She was a dancer and had a slender body with great muscle tone. I envied her body. She has light brown eyes that sparkled. She was about 5'6 and walked with the grace and poise of a pageant queen. Every guy in the school wanted her; she's beautiful, sweet and smart. But she was a bit into herself and she does like to be the center of attention. But besides that who could say no to a combination like that? If I wasn't so afraid of ruining our friendship I would ask her out. But instead I settle for friendship and playful flirting.
I walked over to her and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek. She turned to me gave me a smile. As I sat down at the table I noticed that someone had placed a box of assorted pastries on the center of the table. I had to remind myself to be strong and not make anymore eye contact with the box. I had to distract myself and fast, before I gave in and ate the whole box.
I grabbed Megan's magazine of the table and looked at the cover.
"Skinny jeans? What self respecting guy would wear those?" I said out loud while reading the cover.
"Guy's with a fashion sense and confidence." Megan snapped back while taking back her magazine.
"Or gay ones." Lauryn added.
That caused the entire table to burst into a fit of laughter, I laughed too even though I didn't find the comment all that funny.
For the next few minutes everyone joked around before the first bell rang. I was tuning everything out because all I could think about was the baked goods in front of me and what happened this morning in the shower. I swear the box on the table was talking to me. It was telling me to go ahead and have a few. But I knew I couldn't. Purging at school scared me. The restrooms were never private and anyone could walk in. The toilets were also gross, just the thought of having to bend over one made feel a little sick.
"Hello? A.B that was the bell. Stop thinking about me naked and get going!" Megan said while starring at me.
I was so caught up in my own thoughts that I hadn't even heard it. I quickly got up and grabbed my stuff and walked with my friends out of the lounge. Leaving all the pastries behind.
Once in the hall we all went our separate ways. Lauryn and I had Latin together first period so we walked together. I liked Lauryn, she was a nice girl. She was more low key and laid back than Megan. She knew how to have a good time and not need all the attention on her. Lauryn, like Megan was also pretty. Lauryn however was more of what you would call an innocent pretty, not in your face pretty like Megan. As I glanced back over to her she started to blush.
"What?" She asked shyly, "Is there something on my face?"
"No sweetie, your face is fine."
*********
Latin was pretty uneventful along with my other morning classes. We didn't really seem to be learning anything new so I had a lot of time to gather my thoughts. I was really bothered by what had taken place in the shower this morning. I was also bothered by the fact that my brain wouldn't just let me drop it. If I could just forget about it I could pretend that it never happened. Now I'm bothered by the fact that I have to force myself to pretend that it never happened. What was going on with me? Was I way over thinking things or was this something that really needed to be thought about? I was starting to give myself a headache. My brain needed a break and luckily lunch time was right around the corner. At least I'd have something else to obsess about and get all worked up over.
The only thing that I hated about school was the cafeteria. All that food in one place was way too much for me to handle. The cafeteria had many food stations. They had a gourmet salad bar, a pizza and pasta station, a vegetarian station and an ala cart station. Anything you could think of they served. To be safe and to avoid temptation I got a salad, or better put a plate of lettuce with cucumbers and a lemon yogurt for desert. After paying I scanned the room to see if any of my friends were there yet. I smiled when I saw that Jeff, Brandon and Megan were at our usual table waiting for me.
As I approached the table I could hear that Megan was very excited about something. She was getting all shrieky, you know, the way girls get when they are excited about something. Whatever it was I was soon to find out.
"It will be great, we'll have food and everything, and of course there will be the hot tub..." Megan described excitedly.
"A.B, Meg here thinks we should throw a party on Friday, it's a lost cause, and there is no talking her out of it." Brandon tells me as I sit down at the table joining them for lunch.
"A party? Why?" I asked confused by all the excitement.
"Because Megan here wants to set you up with someone." Jeff explained helplessly.
There was no point in arguing, when Megan has her mind made up about something there is no changing it. And I guess a party wouldn't be all that bad, it would help me relax and get my mind off things. Maybe a party is just what I needed. I even had to admit that I liked the idea of being set up with someone; I hadn't had a girlfriend or a date in awhile. I had to admit to myself that I was a little lonely.
"So tell me about this girl..."
That, and the party plans kept Megan busy for awhile, which was fine with me. I wasn't feeling very social right now anyhow. I could hear Megan talking in the background. As much as I love a good party I couldn't get excited about it like I normally would. The thing that happened this morning in the shower wouldn't leave my mind. How did it happen? Was I starting to curve to the other side? Did this happen to other guys? What if it did? What if other guys that were straight like me had this happen to them also? I had to find out, that would be a way for me to find out if I was normal. But how could I find out without people thinking that I was gay? If I could just figure out how to ask without raising any questions. I had to come up with a plan.
The rest of lunch seemed to fly by; a few more friends joined us and were really excited about Megan's party plans. After lunch I had history and we watched a movie. The movie didn't have anything to do with history or what we were learning about in class. When this happened, I suspected that the teacher was hung-over, that's why they couldn't be bothered with a lesson plan. After history I ended my day with study hall. I hated study hall; all you did was sit around and pretend to study. Maybe if I could turn on the charm, I could get the teacher to let me spend the class period in one of the computer labs. Jeff would be in one of the labs working on something for a class and I could IM him. Then I could figure this out once and for all.
"Ms. Nordski, I wanted to do some research for an extra credit project, can I have a pass to a computer lab?" I asked while I gave her one of my special smiles, the one that always works to get me what I want.
"Mr. Berkley, you know that's not allowed. You need a pass from the teacher that assigned the assignment."
"I know, but I thought that maybe just this once you could do me the small favor..."
She sighed, and looked away from me. I knew I had her just where I wanted her. That was easier then I thought.
"Just this once, but don't think that this will become a habit."
"Don't worry it won't." I said as I grabbed my stuff and left before she could change her mind. I really knew how to turn on the charm.
Once I got to the computer lab I scanned the room to find an open computer in a private area. I couldn't risk anyone else seeing what I was going to write to Jeff, they might misinterpret it.
adamberkley wrote:
hey j, r u busy?
jeffsteele wrote:
I have a sec, whats up?
adamberkley wrote:
have you ever fantasized about someone without seeing their face, and then when u did; it wasn't the person you were imagining?
jeffsteele wrote:
like a different person? Sure, many times, why?
adamberkley wrote:
really? That's all I wanted to know.
I signed off after that. I sudden wave of relief swept over me. And to think I had spent all day worrying about this! Even Jeff has had this problem, and if he's not gay then I couldn't be either. Now all I had to think about was Megan's party. My life was finally getting back to normal.
**********
When I walked in my front door after school I was exhausted. All I could think about was going up to my nice warm bed and taking a long nap. Then when that was done I could finish my exercise.
"Adam, can you join me in the living room for a moment?" my mom called to me sounding rather upset.
When I got to the living room I saw my mom sitting in a chair looking older and more tired then I'd ever seen her before. She looked as if she carried the weight of the world on her shoulders. Her normally bright blue eyes looked a little gray, and her peachy skin look pasty white. I was worried.
"What's going on mom?" I said with concern, but trying not to let her know that I was upset because she looked upset.
"Your father called today, he wants to see you." She said with pain in her voice.
My blood was starting to boil. How dare him! He just gets up and leaves a year ago, never calls, doesn't send a letter, nothing. And now he thinks that I want to see him because he wants me to? I don't think so.
"No." I say as calmly as I can so I don't upset my mom anymore then she already was.
"Adam, please. At least give him a chance to explain." My mom pleaded with me.
I couldn't, he didn't deserve a chance. I was never seeing or speaking to him again.
"He left us! Why do I have to be the one to forgive him? He should be asking me for forgiveness!" I yell as tears start to run down my cheeks.
I had to get out of that room; I needed to be in the privacy of my own room. I started walking towards the stairs.
"Adam wait." I hear my mom call after me as I go up the stairs. "Let's talk about this please."
I slammed my door before she could say anything else. I immediately opened my closet and went for my stash. I ate chips, cookies, candy, crackers everything I could. I didn't stop until I was so full that it hurt. I continued to cry the entire time, as ate, as I made myself crawl to my bathroom, and as I purged all the contents from my stomach. I continued to cry when I laid down on my bed and went sleep. I was done for the day. Tomorrow had to be better than today, it just had to.
The rest of the week was uneventful. Jeff and I jogged every morning, and sometimes he even joined me in the evening. Megan had us all helping with the party preparations. I was getting more into it then I thought I would. Since we were having it at her house, all we really had to do was pick up supplies and help spread the word. Megan and Lauryn took care of everything else. The closer the day came the more excited that I became. I needed the distraction; my mom and I were still having problems because I refused to talk to my father. It was my choice and I was not going to budge. It was going to take a lot more then a phone call.
Friday finally came. Megan's parents left to go out of town right before school started that morning. Most of us didn't even bother with school that day. Instead, we finished getting the rest of the kegs and filling them. I was so excited about tonight, I would meet the girl that Megan was setting me up with, and I could drink and just let loose like old times.
People started arriving by eight-o'clock. This was going to be some turn out. We even had students from the local high school show up. I had no issue with them being there as long as they didn't call us "more preps" their so-called cleaver nickname that they came up with for them. Apparently public school kids weren't all that creative.
Things were getting kind of crazy by 11:00. If things didn't settle down I was afraid that Megan's neighbors would call the cops on us. But they were cool about it. I guess they were used to it by this point; we did this a few times a year. I was still waiting for the girl that Megan was trying to set me up with, I was afraid that she wasn't going to come. Then, sure enough I saw Megan walking towards me with a beautiful redhead. Boy did Megan know how to pick them.
"Shannon, this is my best friend Adam, Adam this is Shannon, she and I have dance class together." Megan explained as she pushed me closer to Shannon.
As soon as Megan left us alone I became shy. I had no idea what to say to this girl that I didn't know.
"So, you go to Morris with Megan?" Shannon said with slightly slurred speech.
"Yeah." I replied dumbly.
Just great, she's drunk. I wanted no part in this, it could only end badly. I looked back at Shannon, she looked like she could hardly stand. Maybe I should get her to Megan's room so she could try to sleep it off.
"Do you want to go somewhere more comfortable?" I asked her.
The second it left my mouth I regretted it. It sounded like I wanted to get her alone in order to have sex with her.
"Sure!" Shannon said, apparently she thought I wanted her. Now that I knew she was drunk she was no longer attractive at all. I led her up the stairs to Megan's room. I could tell that she wanted me to carry her but she would only be dead weight since she was intoxicated. After a lot of stumbling I finally got her up the stairs. I led her down the hallway and into Megan's room. I got her on the bed. No sooner than I had accomplished that did she try to push me on top of her. For a drunken girl she was strong. When I tried to stand up she just pushed me down harder. I tried to get up again.
"What, don't you want me?" She said while trying to sound sexy. Instead she sounded like a fool.
"Not like this I don't." I told her while I got up from the bed. There was no way I was going to give her another chance to pull me on top of her.
"I'm not hot enough for you?" she said sounding upset.
"It's not that, your drunk, and we don't know each other yet." I said while trying to calm her down. I was trying to keep her from crying.
"So what, are you a fag or something?" She spat at me angrily.
That pissed me off. I gave her a clod stare. She could take care of herself; I wasn't going to help her after that. I started to leave the room.
"You can't just leave me here!" Shannon cried from behind me. I turned around to look at her.
"Watch me." I said simply as I closed the door after me.
I needed space. I was so mad, who was she to make assumptions about me? After I helped her, when I didn't have to do. I had to find a room to go to calm down. I walked over to one of the guestrooms. The door was partly open. I peeked inside quietly to see if anyone was in there. It was dark, but I could still make out two people in there. And it looked like; it looked like they were having sex! I knew that I should have stopped looking but I couldn't take myself away from it. I had seen plenty of porn, but I'd never actually witnessed anyone having sex in person. As their moans became more auditable the more my cock stirred in my boxer. It was getting stiffer and stiffer the longer that I watched. They sounded so passionate; I wanted to sound like that with someone. The more I listened the more I noticed how both of the moans sounded very similar, not like I knew them or anything but like their voices were in the same register. It hit, it was two guys!! I was listening to and watching two guys having sex! Not only that but it was turning me on! Even after I came to this realization, I couldn't pull myself away. I just wanted to see and hear more. I wanted to feel what they were feeling in the same way that they were feeling it. My cock was throbbing by this point, and there was nothing I could do about. I wanted to be doing what they were doing. I wanted someone to make me feel how they were feeling, and I wanted that person to be a guy.