Welcome back dear readers, and thanks for all the comments keep `em coming!! School, life, and my first breakup have been keeping me busy lately so this chapter had to take a back seat for awhile. Never the less I hope you enjoy it. As always questions, comments and inquiries about the meaning of life can be sent to firstname.lastname@example.org Enjoy :o)
When I arrived back at home from the party I immediately went to my room and laid down on my bed. I was still trying to let the events of the evening sink in. I was having a hard time understanding exactly what happened.
I was scared; I had just admitted to myself that I wanted a guy. Wanting a guy was different from daydreaming about a guy, wanting a guy is intentional, daydreams can't be helped.
I laid on my back and stared at the ceiling for a long time, hoping that it would somehow provide me with some much needed clarity during all my confusion. Apparently, the ceiling wasn't aware of this arrangement.
I couldn't lie in bed any longer, I was too restless to sleep and I needed to go do something to get rid of all this energy. I put on some running clothes and got ready for a run, which always helped me clear my head.
I tiptoed quietly down the stairs so I wouldn't wake up my mom; there'd be no way for me to explain to her why I was going for a run at 1:00am. Once outside, the cool night air felt great against my skin, the wind gave me small goose bumps on my arms and sent shivers down my spine. It didn't matter though; I'd be nice and warm soon enough. I adjusted my mp3 player and start on my run.
The minute I started to run I felt better, until of course I started to remember the events that led to this run. When did I become gay? I was always so certain that I was straight, it wasn't something that I always thought about it was just something that went without saying.
I began to pick up my pace, the faster I ran the less I had to think or at least that's how it use to go. Maybe I wasn't really gay, I mean I've never actually kissed another guy so how did I know that I liked it? I've also never spent time in another guys arms, but I knew that it was something that I wanted to do. Why was this all so damn confusing? I was thinking so hard that my brain hurt, now I needed a distraction from my distraction. It was time to listen to some music, I need my music. I turned on my mp3 player and waited for the first song.
Cause I wasted the light
Between both these times
I drew a really thin line
It's nothing I planned
And not that I can
But you should be mine
Across that line
I traded it all
If I gave it all away for one thing
Just for one thing
If I sorted it out
If I knew all about this one thing
Wouldn't that be something...
By Finger ElevenŠ
Something about that song matched my mood even though I've never been in love, I knew about wanting something, wanting something bad enough to trade everything for it. Maybe one day I would know exactly what I wanted, then I wouldn't have to be so lonely anymore and love songs would make more sense.
As I ran I felt all my stress and worry leave my body, it was almost like every drip of sweat that fell from my body was one of my worries. I had to laugh to myself if only it was really that easy. I was running my regular route but something about it felt different, but I couldn't figure what it was. My pace was the same and so was my stride. Maybe it was because Jeff wasn't here with me. I had to admit that I did enjoy his company more than I'd led him to believe. After I hit my three mile mark I turned back and headed for home. Once I had a shower and a good night's sleep I was sure that I would feel as good as new in the morning.
I was just finally getting some decent sleep when I was rudely awakened by my mother; I glanced over at my clock. What the hell was her problem? It was only 7:00am!
"Rise and shine sleepy head." My mom said as she placed a mug of coffee on my desk and sat down on my desk chair.
"What the hell mom, it's Saturday?" I said to her as annoyed as possible.
"We need to talk Adam...about your father."
"Get out! I'm going back to bed." I yelled as I pulled my blanket over my head.
"I know you had a long night last night so I'll let that slide. Your meeting your father at 11:00 for brunch end of discussion. You can't keep avoiding him forever." Mom said sternly.
I didn't even need to look at her to know that she meant business, but there was no way that I was going to give up that easily.
"And if I don't show up?"
"You'll lose your car, don't try me."
I knew that was the end of it, I was going to have brunch with my father whether I wanted to or not.
"Where?" I asked my mom as I rolled my eyes, letting her know that I knew she meant business but I was still going to give her crap about it.
"The Riverfront, and don't worry he's not bringing her.
Her, is how my mom and I refer to my dad's 25 year old girlfriend. Sick bastard, she was hardly older than me, eight years older than me to be exact.
"I have things to do before I go." I said to my mom hoping that she would get the hint and leave my room.
"Don't be late, and give him a chance." My mom said to me as she smiled kindly.
"He left us! Why do I..." Before I could even finish my sentence my mother left my room and shut my door.
I looked back at my clock it was only 7:15, I was going back to sleep until 9:00. I set my alarm and went right back to sleep.
I felt like the minute I fell asleep I had to wake back up again, there was no way that I could have been sleeping for almost two hours but my clock proved me wrong. I started doing my crunches, I wasn't going to run just yet I'd do that after I was done meeting with my dad something told me that I'd need the release. I finished my workout, took a shower and got dresses, then I headed downstairs to the kitchen, I was hungrier then heck. My mom was drinking more coffee while she was reading the newspaper. I grabbed a plain bagel and an apple. My mom gave me strange look when she saw that I was eating.
"Your going to brunch soon, are you sure that you want to eat something so soon beforehand?
"I still have almost an hour!" I said defensively with my mouth full. That comment made me mad, I hated it when anyone said anything to me about what I ate or the way that I ate, that was my business and mine alone! I ate the rest of my breakfast as quickly as I could, the faster I ate it the easier it was to get it out of my system. I went back upstairs to my bathroom and rid my stomach of its contents. I cleaned myself up and went back downstairs and acted like nothing had happened.
"I'm heading out now." I announced to my mom as I grabbed my keys and cell phone from the small table next to the front door.
"Just remember Adam, your father is only human just like the rest of us. No matter what he still loves you." My mom said trying to sound as reassuring as she could.
"I'm doing this for you, not him."
With that I opened the front door and left, making sure that I shut it hard enough to get my point across. Nothing like a little teenage angst to start the day off right.
The drive to the restaurant was uneventful. As I pulled into the parking lot I glanced around to find my fathers' car I wanted to make sure that I parked clear across the lot from him just to ensure that we didn't have to become involved in more conversation after brunch. Luckily I arrived first so I pulled into a spot that was surrounded by cars. I glanced at the clock it was only 10:50 I still had 10 minutes before I had to meet my dad. I might as well go in and grab us a table.
After my third cup of coffee dad and I still hadn't said a word to each other, and I was not going to be the first one to budge no way was I going to make this any easier for him.
"So...do you play on any teams?" My dad asked trying to break the silence.
"No, I don't play well with others." I said dumbly between mouthfuls of salmon crepes.
"How about that Wells girl? What was her name again? You two were always close, anything happening there?
That last comment almost made me choke. If he only knew...the son that he left behind was about as interested in girls as he was in organized sports!
"Her name is Megan, and no there's nothing going on there and they'll never be."
"What's the matter? Having trouble catching her attention? I remember when I was your age..." My dad started in on one of his famous `when I was in high school' speeches. There was no way in hell that I was going to discuss my love life or lack there of with this guy. No way in hell.
"She's seeing someone." I lied, just so we could change the subject.
He then started going on and on about something, I was no longer listening at this point but I nodded my head in all the right pauses so he thought that I was. My attention had been caught by one of the hottest guys that I've ever seen. He was sitting at a table across the dining room at a table near the window. It looked like he was eating with his girlfriend, she was pretty for a girl I guess but he, he looked tastier than an ice cold beer on a 90 degree summer day. My eye candy had perfect blond hair; it was at that great stage that hair gets to about two weeks after you've had a hair cut. That wonderful place when your hair always looks great but it seems to go by too fast. His jaw was perfectly chiseled, I couldn't tell much about his body since he was sitting down but I was pretty sure that it was perfect, you couldn't have a chiseled jaw like his and have a gut, and the two just didn't mix.
My dad apparently caught on that I was no longer listening; he turned around to see what had caught my attention. When he turned back around he looked at me and smiled.
"She is a hot one; you have your father's excellent taste." He said. This was his third failed attempt to engage me in some type of civil conversation. He was still doing miserably, I was keeping score.
"Yeah, it's too bad she's with someone." I said trying to sound disappointed and play this stupid game with him.
"Never let a minor detail like that stop you son, that's what separates the men from the boys."
I sat there speechless. This asshole had the nerve to say that to me after what he did to mom? That was the end of this brunch; I was getting the heck out of here.
"Well dad, I don't mean to cut this short but I have to meet a few of the guys pretty shortly so I need to get going."
"Of course, I didn't mean to keep you. Go ahead and go, I'll grab the check. I'll you and we'll do this again sometime." He said trying to sound hopeful.
"Sure dad, anything you say." I would have said or agreed to anything at this point just to get the heck out of here. I took one longer look at my eye candy before I got up and went to the restroom.
Luckily for me the restroom was empty; hopefully I would have more than enough time to take care of brunch before anyone came in. I went down to the handicap stall at the end of the row and locked the door; it was time to take care of business. Just as I was finishing up someone entered the restroom. I tired to stop myself from purging but my body was already finishing my last heave. I just hoped that however was out there didn't hear it. I quickly stood up, flushed and left my stall. When I looked up to see who had entered the restroom I stopped dead in my tracks. It was my eye candy and he had heard me purging, not only that but my eyes were red and running. I had no idea how I was going to explain my way out of this one I could only pray that he wouldn't say anything to me about what he just heard.
"Are you okay man?" He asked me with genuine concern in his voice. I had to think of a lie to tell this guy and quick.
"Yeah, I think what I ate just didn't agree with me." I replied while I started to wash my hands.
"That sucks, what did you have?" He asked.
"Some sort of fish thing, it was actually good. It's a shame it had to come back up." That actually wasn't a lie, I did enjoy brunch until I thought about how many calories that I could be ingesting.
We stopped talking while we both finished washing our hands. This gave me more time to get a better look at his body. He looked like he was at least six feet tall. He had a nice build you could tell that he worked out and took pride in his body. He had the most beautiful gray eyes that I've ever seen. His chest had nice definition and it looked like he had great abs, I could tell all this thanks to the fitted shirt that he was wearing.
"Sucks about the food." Said my eye candy trying to break the silence.
"Nothing I can't handle." I said with a smile.
"I better get back out there, my sister is probably wondering what happened to me."
His sister?! Thank you big guy upstairs!
He left out the door before I could say anything. I had just met the hottest guy I've seen and I didn't even ask his name, some gay guy I was turning out to be.
After brunch I went o the mall to look around, I hadn't planned on shopping but I figured that since I went to brunch with my dad the least my mom could do for me is ignore a few extra charges to my credit card, I was her only son after all. I went into my favorite store and started to look around. Twenty minutes later I had an arm full of clothes to go try on in the fitting room. As I approached the fitting rooms I noticed that the only attendant was a guy, and a pretty cute one at that. He had messy styled dark brown hair and these big warm hazel eyes that could cause you to get lost in them. He had a slender build that looked as if he had some definition. His lips were perfect and pink; I could imagine myself kissing them. I saw him smiling at me as I struggled with my arms full of clothes.
"So are you going to try all these on?" He asked while smiling.
"How many can I take in at a time?"
"Only five, but how about I hand you a few more once you're done trying on a few?
"Really? That won't be too much trouble?"
"Not to me."
I went into the small room and closed the door, a few minutes later I was being handed my first bunch of clothes from over the door. When I put everything on the hooks I noticed that he had placed things in outfits for me. He made shirt and pants combinations that I never even thought of! This guy was really cool. I had just tried on my first outfit when he called to me from outside the door.
"Is everything working out okay?"
"Yeah, thanks for making this so easy for me."
"If it's not too weird, would you mind showing me a few things?" He asked a little nervously.
"Sure, maybe something out of the next group."
When I was done with those items I handed them off to him and he gave me more. I still couldn't get over how helpful he was being towards me and how much attention he was giving me. Something about him just made me feel good, like I could trust him with my secrets and he would understand me without any questions. There was just something that made me feel really comfortable around this guy; he made me forget about everything that happened earlier today.
When I started to try on my next items I knew immediately that this was the outfit that I wanted him to see me in. It was a pair of pleated dress khaki's and a thin gray cashmere sweater. I remember picking out the pants, but I didn't remember grabbing the sweater it was something that I would never usually wear but it did look great on me. When I came out of the room to show him he started to blush.
"What?" I asked him.
"The sweater, I... you...picked..."
"It's okay; I really like it, thanks." He looked relived when I said that, I could see it wash over his face.
"Turn around in a circle for me." He asked
I did as I was told. Even though I wasn't looking at him I could feel his eyes on me, and it was turning me on a lot. I could feel my groin started to stir; there was no way that I was going to let this guy see me with an erection that would just be way too embarrassing. I could feel mu pants starting to tent in front of me. I was terrified, I had to turn around to get back into the fitting room but as soon as I did that he would see my little problem. What was I going to do?
"Is everything okay?" He asked when he noticed that my back was still facing him.
I placed my hands in front of my pants hoping that it would hide enough of my problem. I turned to face him slowly.
"I think I'm done trying things on today, but I'm going to take everything. Thanks for your help." I could hardly make eye contact with him as I said that.
He just looked at me funny, not knowing what had happened. If I were him I would have been confused too. I didn't want him to think that he had did anything wrong, the issue was me. But what I could I say to him?
"Should I not have brought you the sweater?" He said in almost a whisper.
"No, I really do like the sweater, it's just... it's just..." I took one of my hands from in front of my crotch and placed it on his shoulder. I hoped that I wasn't making the biggest mistake of my life, but when I looked into his eyes I got that feeling of trust back. So I decided to just go for it, even if it went badly I'd never have to see this guy again.
"This is the problem." I said to him as I took my other hand away from my crotch to give him a full frontal view. When he looked down he started to laugh. Not the reaction I expected but it was a lot better than him punching my lights out and calling me a fag.
"You'd be amazed at how often that happens when someone tries on cashmere; it's such a sensual material." I wasn't sure if he was being serious or just trying to make me feel less humiliated. Either way I was starting to feel better.
"Thanks, for everything." I said to him.
"Don't mention it. Now let's get you back in that room before you take someone's eyes out with that thing."
That made us both laugh. I went back into the room and put my clothes back on, which was no easy task thanks to the erection that the hot attendant had given me. The front of my boxers where already slightly damp with precum. I'd have to take care of that once I was back in the safety of my own room.
When I was finally finished he helped me take everything up to the register to check out. Once he rang everything up and gave me the total. Once he said it I winced, I might have gone slightly overboard this time. When He saw the look on my face he laughed.
"But their good items, they'll last you a long time." He said
"I hope so."
"So I assume this will be charged?"
"Yeah." I said with a sigh as I fished out my store charge card from my wallet to hand to him.
When he touched my hand to take my card I felt electricity pass from his fingers to mine. I think I was becoming hooked on this guy, and as my luck would have it he would end up being straight.
He ran my card through and printed off my receipt. But before he handed it to me he wrote something on it. Please please please let it be his number! He handed it back to be and gave me my bags.
He handed me back my card and my receipt. I was starting to feel sad because I knew that our time together was about to end. But I knew that I was going to see this guy I again, I could feel it.
"I gave you my number, just in case you have any problems or questions." He said sounding a bit unsure.
I looked at the paper; he name was Damien, what a hot name. I was going to frame this receipt.
"Thanks for everything Damien I really appreciate it."
"Just doing my job." He said as he gave me another one of his beautiful smiles.
"I'll call you sometimes, maybe we can hang out or something?" I asked trying not to sound desperate.
"I'd like that Adam."
When he said my name I almost melted into a big puddle of teenage goo. I had to get out of the store before I jumped across the register and started making out with this guy, self control was something that I was majorly lacking at this point. I gave him one last nod before I headed out of the store. Maybe I was going to make an okay gay guy after all, I mean I actually flirted this time and got the guys name and number. When I was a little further away from the store I reached into my wallet and pulled out the receipt that Damien had written his name on. As I further studied it I noticed that he had really nice penmanship. Upon further inspection I saw that the price looked a bit off. Then it hit me, Damien used his employee discount on me! I had to meet this guy again, he was too good to let go.