Date: Fri, 28 Feb 2003 21:41:49 -0800 (PST) From: Jason Calme Subject: High School : Do What You Can - Chapter 6 Do What You Can This story is about male/male relationships and contains Graphic descriptions of sex. You should not read this story if it is in any way illegal due to your age or residence. This is a work of pure fiction. Copyright 2003 Jason Calme. This story is the sole property of its author and may not be copied in whole or in part or posted on any website without the permission of the author. Questions and commentary can be sent to "JasonCalme@yahoo.com". Chapter 6 A car accident? I couldn't fucking believe it. How could this happen twice? I called Zack. It was real hard breaking it to him, but I just blurted it out really, not even thinking about how to say it. Zack was quiet for ages. Real quiet. Then he asked me what I was going to do and it sounded like he was crying. "Are you okay, man?" I asked him. "Yeah, I'm okay," he said, sniffing. "I was thinking of going down to the hospital," I said quietly. "I'll drive you," he offered. "You sure?" "Yeah. I'll be there in a few," and he hung up and I couldn't help thinking I shouldn't have told him about this until I knew what had happened. It was stupid of me, but I just wasn't thinking. Zack arrived and he seemed okay. He was quiet and solemn, but then so was I. But when we got to the hospital and parked in the lot Zack turned to me and started to shake. "What's the matter?" I whispered. "I can't go in," he said quietly. "No?" I said. I'd kind of already guessed it. I shouldn't have called him. What a dumb ass I am. "That's where...Danny was there...when we got there he was already dead," and he started to sob. Shit! What to do now? I tried to comfort him. I reached over and hugged him and just held him for a minute or two until be stopped crying. But he wasn't going to move. I didn't think he was up for driving home, either. "Zack, dude, give me your phone," I said. He pulled out his cell and I dialed his home number. His Mother answered the phone, sounding bright and cheerful when she heard my voice. "Mrs. Taylor, it's Jed...Everything's okay...But our friend Todd was in a car accident and we're down at the hospital but Zack's a little upset. I don't think he should drive home." His Mom said she'd come down and get him, but it was his father who actually came. I saw the Volvo wagon pull into the lot and he parked beside the 4Runner and got out and walked over. I jumped out and went around to the drivers side. "Hi Mr. Taylor," I said. "Hi Jed," he smiled at me. "How's Zack doing?" "He's kind of upset," I said quietly. "I just...I didn't think he should drive but I wanted to go in and see how Todd was doing. I couldn't leave him here." "That's okay," his Dad nodded. "No problem." He went and tapped on the driver's side door and Zack looked up, almost startled to see his Dad even though he knew I'd called his folks. His father opened the door. "You okay Zackie?" his Dad asked quietly, using the pet name that his parents sometimes used for him. He nodded, but then tears just started flooding down his face and his father pulled him into a hug. "It's going to be okay," his father whispered. They hugged for a bit and I studied the design of the parking garage closely. Finally Zack climbed out and his father led him over to the car. I followed behind. When he got to the car Zack stopped and turned and reached out to me. I hugged him and told him I'd let him know how Todd was doing. "I'm sorry," he whispered. "It's okay, man. No problem," I said. "Todd's going to be fine," I lied. Zack got in and his Dad closed the door. "Why don't you take Zacks car home Jed?" said his Dad. "Uh..." "That'll be fine. Call us when you know something, Okay?" "Sure." He slapped me on the back and they left. After waving goodbye I turned and went into the hospital, trying to find out what had happened to Todd. And if the unthinkable had happened again. Of course, they wouldn't tell me. I wasn't a family member so I couldn't get any information. But I eventually found his parents and sister, and a couple of other friends, sitting in a waiting room at the end of a long corridor. I went in nervously and sort of said 'Hi' and we all just sat there trying to keep our minds off things. I did learn a little about what had happened. It turned out he'd been hit by a car that ran a stop sign. Though no one said it, it sounded like he was pretty bad. They had already been operating on him for several hours. I'd been there about a half an hour when I looked up and saw Billy coming down the hall. He stopped in mid stride when he saw me, then he nervously continued on, stopping again little way away from us. He seemed unsure what to do. I saw him looking at Todd's parents, and I saw Todd's Mother give him a look of utter disgust. I looked back and saw Billy blush, and just stand there nervously. Then he sat down in a chair, well away from the rest of us. No one went over and said anything to him. He just sat there. It was another hour before a doctor finally came out and spoke to his family. I watched as they talked quietly. I couldn't tell what was being said, but they looked relived. Hopefully it was good news. The doctor walked off after a few minutes, and his Dad turned and waved the rest of us over. All except for Billy. I went over and heard his Dad say that Todd was doing well. Most of the injury was to his leg, but they'd operated and it looked like it was going to be okay. He might be in the hospital for a couple of weeks, but they'd know more in a couple of days. If we wanted to see him we should come back tomorrow afternoon during visiting. He then thanked us for coming, but said we should go home and get some rest and they'd tell Todd we were here. The others left, and I looked back and saw Billy sitting there, watching us. Looking lost. I looked back to Todd's Dad, who was eyeing Billy coldly. He glanced at me and smiled tightly. "I don't like that boy," he said softly. I wasn't sure if he was telling me, or just letting it out. I nodded. "Do you want me to ask him to leave?" I said. "Ah...yes...that might be good. I'm worried that if I did it I might hit him." We looked at each other and I wondered if Todd had told his parents what had happened. "Can I tell him Todd's okay?" I said. "Like he'd care," Todd's father spat. "He's here for some reason," I calmly argued. "Whatever," his father said, washing his hands of him, and then he smiled at me. "Thank you...ah?" "Jed. Jed Weinberger." "Oh!" said his Dad, "you're Jed! Pleased to meet you," and he smiled and shook my hand vigorously, and then he dragged me over to meet Todd's Mom. His Mom hugged me and kissed me and I had a pretty good idea they knew more than I would have thought Todd would have told them. It was a bit embarrassing and I just wanted to go. I told them I would come back tomorrow to see Todd, and they said I was welcome any time. I said goodbye and walked down the hall. When I got to Billy he was sitting, staring down at the floor. He looked up at me slowly, his eyes hollow. I couldn't tell what he was thinking. "He's going to be okay," I said. "His leg was mangled but they operated on it and they think it'll be okay. He's going to be in hospital for a couple of weeks." Billy nodded. "Thanks," he said. "His parents..." I began, and for a moment I wanted to be cruel and hurt him, but I just couldn't do it. "His parents don't really want you to hang around," I said quietly. Billy's already blank face flattened even more and he winced as though in pain. "They said we might see him tomorrow afternoon at visiting hours," I went on. I didn't say anything else. He could guess for himself that he wasn't welcome. He nodded and got up slowly. I almost thought he was going to cry. I waited for him. Escorting him down the hall and out of the building. He didn't say anything to me and we went our separate ways in the parking lot. I like Zack's truck. I wish I had something like it. I feel really powerful when I drive it. Zack doesn't mind me driving it, and I've done it a few times, but most of the time he does the driving. And this was the first time I'd driven it alone. I felt so cool driving down town. Stopping at the stop lights. Casually switching between radio stations. After the adventures of the afternoon it was cool to be lost in the joy of a big toy. Driving this great car took my mind off other things. As The Beatles say; Step on the gas and wipe those tears away. I thought about just driving home and then picking up Zack in the morning. It was late and I was tired. Zack wouldn't mind. But I wanted to see Zack. Make sure he was okay. I was really worried about him and I knew he'd be anxiously awaiting news on Todd. I wanted to be the one to let him know everything was okay. His Mother opened the door when I got there and she looked concerned. But when she saw my smile I guess she knew things were good before I even told her. She said Zack was up in his room. His door was closed when I got there. I knocked gently and it opened a bit. I heard Zack call "Come in," softly. He was sitting on his bed and he looked up at me when I came in. His eyes were red and there were tears on his face and my heart almost broke. "He's gonna be okay," I blurted out. I wanted him to stop hurting. "Yeah?" he said, a little smile, but he still looked miserable. "Yeah. Gonna be in hospital for a while, but he's gonna be okay," I said, walking over to him. I could see in his hands he was holding a book. He looked down at it and then up at me and gave me a small nervous smile. I didn't know what it was. "Pictures of Danny," he said quietly, answering my unasked question. "Oh," I said, and I felt miserable. I should have known he would go there. He was going to hurt all over again. I wanted to snatch the book out of his hand and scream at him that he had to forget Danny, but I couldn't do that. I went and sat down beside him instead. He held the book up a little. "Wanna look?" he asked me. I didn't. "Sure," I said. He opened the book and put it down so that it was on both our legs. The first picture was a portrait of Danny smiling out at me and I nearly started to tear up. Zack turned the page and there were two more pictures. Both were of Zack and Danny. In one they were hugging and smiling at the camera. It looked like it was taken in the Zack's backyard. In the other they were standing side by side at some ski field. They were holding the skis and poles and it was a typical ski picture. They looked so happy. I stared at the pictures and they began to blur in front of me. I looked up at Zack and tears were streaming down his face. He reached out to turn the page but I reached out and took his hand in mine. I could feel him shaking. "It's a wonderful book," I whispered. "But I don't think I can look at it right now," I said and I looked up at him and he looked at me and nodded. He folded the book and put it back in his lap and just sat there for a moment. Staring off into space. The tears were streaming faster now and he bent forward and made this animal like noise that was so full of pain. I just grabbed him and hugged him to me and I was crying hard too. I held him as we both sobbed. "You okay?" I asked him quietly. "Yeah," he said softly. I got up and grabbed a box of tissues from his dresser and brought them over to him. He nodded his thanks as he took them from me. I sat down beside him as he blew his nose and sniffed. We sat there for a moment, not saying anything. "I miss him so much," Zack said quietly. I looked at him and nodded. He pursed his lips and looked down. "Do you think he's happy?" he whispered. "Happy?" I said, confused. He looked up at me, the eyes still wet and huge. "I sometimes wonder what he's...where he's...I wonder if he's happy there, you know?" I nodded. I didn't know what to say. I used to think there was a God, and I prayed to him as a kid. But then I noticed that the praying didn't seem to actually change anything, and well, there just didn't seem to be any sign of God anywhere. What was he doing, with the world in such a mess? God and I had gone our separate ways. I wasn't sure there was a God, and if there was, that he had any interest in me. "Do you think he can see me? Knows that I still love him?" Zack asked me. I looked at him and I didn't know what to say. I didn't have the answers. "I'm sure he knows you love him," I said finally. Zack nodded slowly. "I'm sure he wouldn't want you to be miserable Zack," I said a little more confidently. Wherever Danny was, he wouldn't want Zack being miserable like this. "Yeah," Zack said quietly. "You okay?" "Yeah. I've just...it's still so hard sometimes." "Hey, it's not your fault, I got freaked out today too." "Yeah," Zack nodded. He smiled at me. "Thanks Jed." "No problem," I said. "No, you've been the best. You must think I'm a freak." "No way Dude! You're my bud, man, you're not a freak." "I just...I haven't told any of my straight friends...you know? You're the only straight friend who knows I'm gay. And you're my best friend too." He stared at me and I stared at him, and something inside me was saying 'tell him,' 'TELL HIM!' But the problem was...well I couldn't tell him. Not then. Not when he was so upset about Danny. I couldn't just spring it on him now. "You're my best friend too Zack, and I don't think you're a freak." "You don't?" "A sick jerk sometimes sure, but no freak," and I punched him on the shoulder and he laughed. I ended up staying for dinner and then his Mom drove me home. The next day at school word had spread about Todd. I think the shock of another person injured in a car accident freaked people out as much as it did me. And Todd was pretty well known, given that he was the editor of the school paper. Zack and I had decided to go see Todd that afternoon. I'd told Zack he didn't have to go - I was worried about a repeat of the last visit - but Zack said he was up for it. It looked like a lot of others were going to go too. I kept running into people in the halls that would say "I heard about Todd and I'm gonna go see him." I don't know why they told me. Had I been voted Todd's secretary when I was out of the room? Maybe they told everyone that they ran into that day. Zack had swimming practice after school so I went down and hung out waiting for him. It was probably a good idea. We'd get there later and hopefully some of the crowds would have thinned. I wondered if the hospital would be swamped. I was waiting in the entrance when Zack came out of the changing rooms. He was whistling happily, which I thought was a good sign. He raised a hand and I put mine out and he slapped it and grinned at me. "Let's go!" he said, all casual confidence, and I wondered whether it was masking any apprehension or he was really cool with it. We had just turned to go out to the car when I heard a voice call out. "Hey!" I stopped and turned. Billy was running up to us, looking nervous. Zack turned to face him, but I could see the unhappy expression on his face. Zack had barely said anything to Billy since the incident. Billy stopped a little way from us, a nervous expression playing over his face. "What Billy?" I asked. "Are you going to see Todd?" he asked a little breathlessly. He obviously had hurried to catch up with Zack. "Yeah," I said. "Can I...can I come with you?" He sounded casual but he was looking away as though he couldn't face us. Zack actually laughed. "Fuck off Cogan," Zack almost spat. Billy turned towards him, his face looking pained. "Please?" he said, and when Zack ignored him he turned to me with huge puppy dog eyes. He was pleading. "What do you care?" Zack spat. "I care! I care! Okay?" Billy whispered, a little desperately. "If you care," I said carefully, "then just go down there. What do you need to ride with us for? We your buddies or something?" He looked at us and shook his head a little and then looked down sadly. "I care...I just..." he was quiet. "You just what?" I said loudly to him. He recoiled a little. "I just want to make sure he's okay," he said quietly. "That's rich!" said Zack. He leaned toward Billy and Billy looked down and pulled away a little, like a misbehaving child. "Maybe you should have thought about that before you nearly raped him." Billy just stood there. "Come on," Zack said to me, and he turned and walked out. I looked at Billy and Billy gave me a last look of pleading, but I just didn't care enough to even consider interceding on his behalf. I turned and followed Zack out to the car. "Can you believe that shit head?" said Zack in amazement as we got in the car. When we got to the hospital Zack parked and I looked at him nervously. He gave me a wry grin and raised his eyebrows, then hoped out of the car. I guess he was up for it. I jumped out and followed him in. The hospital was over run with kids from school. It was totally out of control and yet it felt really good to see it too. It turned out Todd was involved in a lot of groups; the paper, the chess club and on and on, and they had all turned out in force. I don't think many of them actually got in to see him. But his parents came out and spoke to everyone, and his dad was carefully writing down everyone's name and any message they had for Todd. When he saw Zack and I he waved us down to his Mother, who then led us in to see Todd. I felt like a celebrity cutting the line at some popular nightclub. Todd looked pretty bad. Very white and tired, but he smiled at us. We just said hi briefly. I was keeping half an eye on Zack, who was looking a little white now too, but I asked Todd if there was anything we could do for him. He said no, and thanks for coming, and I promised to come back and see him in a couple of days. Then we went out and said a few words to his Dad. He said Todd was doing really well considering. Zack was starting to look panicked and I figured it was time to get out. I said goodbye to Todd's Dad and we went down the hall. We'd gone about half way when I saw Billy standing away from the crowds. He was looking sad and lost, and he was holding a bunch of flowers. I wondered if he was afraid that Todd's father wouldn't accept them. I wondered if he'd wanted to come with us so that we might get him in to see Todd. I looked at him. He looked at me nervously and then looked away. Zack was walking on, but I stopped in front of Billy. He looked up and raised his eyebrows in acknowledgment. I looked at the flowers. They looked expensive. "You want me to give those to Todd?" I said. "Would you?" he asked. I thought about it. Shit, I hated him. He was practically a rapist. Yet there was something more than that between them. It seemed that Todd hadn't been completely unwilling. He'd had his own twisted motives when they'd been going to that house. That didn't excuse Billy, but... I put out my hand and he held them out to me. Zack had stopped and was watching me. "I'm just going to..." I said to Zack, waving the flowers towards Todd's room and Zack nodded. "You gonna be okay or you want to get the truck and I'll catch up with ya?" Zack looked conflicted. "Why don't you get the truck while I just do this?" I prompted him. Zack eyed Billy speculatively, then turned back to me. "Sure?" he asked. "Yeah, it'll take me a couple of minutes. You get the truck and pay for parking and we'll get out of here quicker." "Okay," he nodded. I turned and went back down the hall. Todd's Mom let me go in again. I said it was just for a minute. Todd looked up at me in surprise when I came back in. "Back so soon?" he said, smiling. "Just delivering these," I said. He looked at them. "Nice, thanks." "They're not from me," I said. "They're from Billy." His eyes widened and he looked up. "Is he here?" Todd asked. "Yeah," I said, "down the hall." "Does he want to see me?" Todd asked. I saw it. I saw the love. He was still in fucking love with Billy. Was willing to forgive him. I wanted to tell him to forget Billy. Billy should just go away. I just nodded. I could almost see the wheels in Todd's mind spinning. "Could you bring him up?" he asked, a little nervously. I stood there staring at him, then nodded. "Okay," I said. "Will it be okay with your folks?" Todd looked at me, and he knew what I was saying. "Yeah," he said, "Tell them I want to see him." "Okay." I went out and told his Dad that Todd wanted to see Billy. His Dad didn't like the idea at all. Not one bit. But when I said Todd wanted to see him, he finally nodded his assent and I went down the hall. Billy was still standing there. He looked at me hopefully. Probably wondering if his gift has been accepted. "He wants to see you," I said. Billy's eyes, just for a moment, lit up. Billy followed me down the hall. Todd's Dad glared at him, and actually followed us into the room, but Todd smiled as he saw Billy. A big smile, and I turned and saw Billy smile back at him. Billy stood nervously by the bed. "You okay?" he asked quietly. He was obviously aware that Todd's Dad and I were right next to him. "Yeah...I'm gonna be okay." "Good," Billy nodded. "Thanks for the flowers," Todd said. "You're...they're...hope you liked them," he said nervously. "Thanks." "Well...I...just wanted to make sure you're okay. You're gonna be here for a while?" Billy asked. "Yeah...a little while." "Well they'll take care of you," he said. "They are." There was an awkward silence. "I better...I better be going. Take care of yourself," Billy said. "Thanks Billy, thanks for coming," Todd whispered back. It was like there was no one else in the room. They would glance at each other and then look away nervously, but it seemed like they were only conscious of each other. For a second I had a vision of the two of them jerking off at the window. "That's okay," said Billy, and he turned to go. "Billy?" "Yeah," he said stopping and turning to face Todd. "Will you come see me tomorrow?" I heard Todd's Dad exhale loudly, but Todd ignored him. "Uh...uh..." Billy glanced at Todd's father. "I'd like it if you would. You're welcome to come," Todd said. I heard his Father take a deep breath. I knew it wasn't okay with Todd's Dad, but Todd was ignoring it. "Okay...sure," Billy said smiling, and then he turned and went out and I nodded at Todd and left too. I didn't know if he and his Dad were going to have a talk. If they were, it wasn't something I wanted to be involved in. Billy left quickly; he didn't wait to thank me or anything. He almost fled down the hall. Ungrateful bastard. I didn't get down to the hospital for a couple of days. But when I went I found that the visiting hours were much calmer. No huge crowds to see him. Todd and I actually chatted a bit. He seemed much brighter, though his leg was obviously bothering him. He said they were going to adjust his meds. I hoped it wasn't a bad sign. We were sitting there when Billy turned up. He came in briefly, Todd's Dad circling in the background. Billy brought Todd some chocolate. He asked how he was doing and told him a little about what was happening at school. Billy asked if there was anything he could do for him and Todd said no thanks, and then Billy turned to go. "You can stay if you want to," Todd offered Billy, but Billy glanced at Todd's Dad and declined the offer. As soon as Billy went Todd's Dad left us alone and I stared at Todd. Todd looked back at me and frowned. "What?" he said. "What, what?" I said. "I don't know," he said, shrugging. "You're still in love with him, aren't you?" I said. He smirked at me. "Maybe!" he said. I rolled my eyes. "You're nuts." "I know, I can't help it," he countered. We sat there for a moment. "Your parents know, don't they?" I said quietly. "That I love him?" "No...about the...you know." He looked at me and nodded. "Yeah...I wish I hadn't told them...I just...I was so upset." I nodded. "They wanted me to go to the police. God! My Dad was going to go over and castrate him!" I laughed along with him. "Pretty sick huh? My parents think I'm in love with a rapist!" I nodded. "You tell them about the other stuff?" I asked. "No," he shook his head. "It's too embarrassing." "Yeah," I nodded. "He's been down every day. He comes in but he won't stay," he said, and he looked sad. I looked at him. I wanted to tell him to forget Billy. Kick him out of his life. Move on. Find another sexy swimmer - as long as it wasn't Zack! There were a lot of other cute guys out there. But I knew from experience that Cupid's arrow could be awfully hard to dislodge. "Well getting him to stay wouldn't be hard," I said casually. "Oh yeah?" Todd said, looking at me questioningly. "Sure." "Like how?" "Well, next time he comes in, and he asks you if there's anything you want him to do, you tell him." "I've asked him to stay. He won't," Todd frowned. "You don't ask him to stay," I said mischievously. "No?" "You ask him if he wouldn't mind reading to you. You know, you just want to rest your eyes but you don't want to sleep and there's never anything good on TV." Todd grinned at me. A couple of days later I went back down to the hospital. Todd's condition was much improved, and his parents weren't on constant vigil. I walked down to his room and I could hear someone speaking softly. In the room Billy was sitting in a chair beside Todd, reading to him. Billy wasn't a great reader. He read slowly and haltingly, but Todd seemed to be happy to listen. They both looked up when I entered. Billy looked a little embarrassed. I wasn't sure if it was because he was with Todd or because I'd heard him reading. Todd just smiled at me and winked. Billy closed the book and stood up immediately, saying that he was going to go. "I'm not staying long," I said, holding up my hand to wave him off, and Todd said he really wanted to hear some more of the book. For a moment Billy looked torn, but then he looked back at Todd and nodded and said he'd go get a drink. "How's it going?" I asked after Billy had left the room. "Great!" said Todd. I glanced up and could see Billy pacing in the hallway. I turned back at Todd and he smirked at me. "So the reading seems to be working," I said. "Yeah, thanks!" he giggled. "You owe me!" "Guess I do." "So what exactly do you think you're doing?" I asked. He shrugged. "Having fun," he said. "Don't you just think you're like, heading to disaster?" His smile tightened. "You know, I'm kind of hoping we can be friends again. I now we won't be lovers, but I'd give anything to have him as a friend again." I shook my head a little amazed. Wanting to be a friend of Billy Cogan's seemed pretty silly to me too. I guess he saw something in Billy I didn't. "Isn't it going to be hard being a friend with him, when you really want to be something else?" "Yeah," he grinned, "it's hard!" and he laughed. I rolled my eyes. "Well don't say I didn't warn you," I said. So things with Todd and Billy had become "interesting." Never mind the wanting to be friends bullshit. At the rate they were going I was figuring that Todd was going to have a lover before I did. I'd have bet money on it. But then that's just me. Meanwhile my love life was as dysfunctional as Todd's. I was still in love with Zack. But I still couldn't bring myself to say anything to him. And then it came to a head. It was a Wednesday and I was over at Zack's and we were doing some homework. Just working away. It was just like any other day. And then he casually mentioned he'd met this 'guy' at a record store. "Yeah?" I'd asked casually. I hadn't realized we were having a serious conversation. I thought he was just telling me he'd run into someone at the record store. End of story. "He's in the gay and lesbian club at South Central," Zack went on. "They have a gay and lesbian club?" I asked, surprised. "That's what he said." I thought about this for a moment, and then I looked up at him and he was staring at me with a strange grin on his face. "So he's a lesbian then?" I asked casually. We both laughed and he playfully punched my shoulder. "Idiot!" he said. "Yeah, yeah. So'd you compare notes? Any nice looking guys at South Central?" "He was pretty cute." "Yeah? How'd you know anyway?" I asked, curious. "That he was cute?" "That he's gay." "Oh...he had a badge on his bag. I think he's way out of the closet," Zack smirked. "Guess he is. Well it's good to have people you can talk to about that kind of thing," I said. "He asked me on a date." "A date?" I repeated, surprised. "Yeah." "What'd you tell him?" "I said yes. We're going out on Saturday," Zack grinned, and he looked at me with this curious, wondering look, and I didn't know what to say. "What do you think?" he said finally. "Ah...wow...that's, wow. Well so you think you're ready for that?" He shrugged. "Well...that's great I guess," I said, trying to sound enthusiastic. Zack half smiled at me and nodded and we didn't talk about it anymore. But that night, lying in bed, jerking off thinking about Zack, I started to get angry. Really angry. Someone else was moving in on Zack. Fuck! Zack was mine! Okay, so I hadn't done anything about it...but I was going to. Some day. God! I was angry. So angry, I actually stopped jerking it. ------------------------------- To be continued... My other stories: Celebrity: Boy Bands: All The Ways I Love You Celebrity: Boy Bands: Birthday