Date: Wed, 06 Aug 2003 21:20:26 +0000 From: X plicit Subject: Dreamcalledreality/chapter8 The walk home felt like the longest I've ever taken in my life. I'm not sure if it's because I was walking baby steps as I tried to organize my thoughts, or because the distance between my house and the movies increased. I'll get back to you when I know for sure. I love Andy. Since the day I met him, he's the only person I enjoy being with any time of the day and just sharing feelings and stories and stuff like that. But then there's Mark; the hot guy that I always dreamed of getting together with. Confused as hell, I decided to just try and forget about this and let things happen on their own. It was almost 4pm though. Do I show up online? And if I do, would our conversation be the same as it once was? It felt kind of obvious it wouldn't be possible and that all the other lies he's told would come out. But then why do I want to go online so bad? I didn't fail to mention I'm fuckin' confused right now, right? The clock struck 4:00pm and I made my way to the computer. I sat down and signed on; but he wasn't online. I figured he's maybe a little late or something so I just started talking to other friends from school waiting on his ass to show up. But even at 4:30, it never did. That's when a pop-up message appeared telling me I got mail. 'Yay, another god damn chain letter' I thought to myself as I went to open it. Surprisingly, it wasn't a chain letter. It was an e-mail from Johnny....I mean, Mark. Hey Ricky, Listen okay. I know it was a real bad thing I did and I fucken hate myself right now for doing it to you , but I couldn't risk anything. I'm sure you feel differently about me now and it pisses me off a lot. I won't be on today, but you most likely won't show up either since I'm sure you don't wanna talk to my sorry ass anymore. But Ricky, if your to believe anything I say, believe that I have this strange feeling in my gut every time I think about you. I get butterflies in my stomach every time I talk to you. And when we spoke at the movies earlier, it was one of the greatest times I've spent with someone. I just really wanted you to know that. Anyway, I have to get going. I work as a lifeguard at the Wave Pool and my shifts almost starting. If there's anyway for you to forgive me, please e-mail me back. If it's possible, come by the pool later today. I'll be working from 5 'till 9. I'm sorry Ricky, Bye I read the e-mail as my eyes watered a bit. I felt betrayed by him, but he seems so remorseful about the whole deal. And he says he thinks about me. Mark Spencer things about me! I never thought this day would ever come. But now that it has, in a way, I wish that it hadn't. I have to choose between two guys. From a kid that had no one to call his own, I now have a selection to choose from. And when I choose, one of those guys are going to be hurt whether I like it or not. I thought about the issue for a long while; about half an hour or so. I came to the conclusion that I wont just chose one of the guys randomly. I'll test both guys out at the same time, even if it sounds dishonest of me, and chose the best one of the two. Yeah, that's what I'll do. Neither one of them have to know. I decided I'd take a trip to the pool instead of emailing Mark back and talk to him there. Tell him everything's forgotten and if he wants to have a try at a relationship, I'd be more than willing to. I would have went to grab a towel and my bathing suit since I'm going to a pool and you know, it's a place to swim and all. But I'm terrified of swimming. Back when I was around 7 years old, I had a bad incident where I almost drowned. Ever since then, I never went into beaches or big pools. I never even learned how to swim because of it and my family is always on my case about being chicken-shit. "Where you off too?" Mom asked as she saw me heading for the door. "Oh.." I mumbled, "I'm just goin' out. I'll be back in a little while" "I asked a simple question, Can you just give me a simple answer for once, Ricky" My mom said in an annoyed tone. I sighed softly to myself. "To the pool. I'm goin' to the Wave Pool to meet up with some people, okay?" Nick overheard the conversation from the living room and started laughing. "When did you learn how to swim?" He teased. "Screw off jackass" I said giving him an evil eye. "Hey! Hey! That's about enough of that. I'm really proud your going to face your fears and swim Rick" Mom said with a gentle smile on her face. I flashed her back a faint little fake smile. "You know, I was afraid to go in the water as a child too. I only learned how to swim when someone took me out to the lake and threw me off the boat". "Ma, I don't think they were trying to teach you to swim" Nick answered trying to hold back a laugh. I couldn't manage it though and started laughing a bit. "Yeah well.... I learned didn't I!?" And with that, she went back into the kitchen where she first was. I reached for the door knob and made my way outside. The street was empty as I walked the block to the pool. Not much of a surprise since my streets quiet all the time anyway. As I walked, I looked over at Andy's house to see if he was around at all. But he wasn't to be found. It's probably for the best anyway since he'll probably ask to come with me. After about a 10 minute walk, I made it to the pool. I stood in front of the building and took a deep breath before approaching the doors and going in. Even though I didn't have any intentions of going in the water, just the thought about being near water freaked me out. I asked the front desk if I get into the pool without payment since I wont be going in the water anyway. The secretary, who was a young cute girl probably around the age of 19 with blond hair and blue eyes, hesitated at first but then allowed me to go. The only way of entrance to the pool was through the change rooms, so I made my way to change room and opened the door. Unfortunately for me, there was no one in there at the time so I didn't get to see anything 'interesting'. After opening the door which led to the pool, my body started to tense up and my legs began to get weak. I seriously started considering leaving when I heard a familiar voice call me. "Hey Ricky!" The voice called. It was Mark as he sat on those chair which over look the pool. "Come over here". I took a look at him, then a look at the water, and back at him. I tried to shake off the fright in me and started to approach Mark. His face started forming into a strange expression when I took a seat behind him against a wall, farthest away from the water. "Um.." He started, "...okay. Where ever feels comfortable, I guess. I'm really glad you came Ricky. Its a big relief" We sat there talking about a lot of different things for a long time. Nothing about the lie came up into the conversation. It was mostly just about getting to know Mark as Mark and not Mark as Johnny. As we talked, I thought of the water less and less and eventually found myself sitting right next to him on the edge of the water. I was just about to get up and leave since the pool was about to close and Mark had to go change, when a bunch of people my age started to approach us. "Oh fuck," Mark whispered, "Move away, now! I slid back against the wall where I had first sat when I entered the pool feeling confused. I took a look at the people coming our way and recognized each and every one of them. They were the group Mark hung out with; those stuck-up assholes who think their the shits. The four of them started talking to Mark as they stood there in their 10 sizes too big clothes.. I stood and watched wondering why Mark told me to get away from him. Could he have been trying to save me from getting made fun of? Or was he trying to save himself from getting made fun of for talking to me? "Oh look guys," the only girl in the group said with a giggle, "its the class retard". The four of them started laughing hysterically at me as they pointed and stared. I didn't really understand what made me so funny to them, but I wasn't liking it. I had a couple things of my own to say since it was so easy to make fun of these people back, but I decided not to bother. I started to get up and walk away when one of the guys put his arm out to hold my chest from moving forward. "Did we say you could leave before us?" He said. I pushed his arm away with not a whole lot of force and answered, "Fuck you". That guys face changed and his eyes became vicious looking as he grabbed my arm and pulled me into the water. I started freaking out and pushed myself through the water to hold on to the edge of the pool so I'd feel safe. All of them started laughing again, including Mark. "Common guys," The girl of the group said trying to talk and she held back her giggles, "lets get out of here". All five of them, yes, Mark included, started walking towards the change rooms to leave the building. I was shivering in the water in my soaked clothes as I couldn't help but realize what Mark had just done to me. But just as they were walking away, Mark turned his head and mouthed something to me. "I'm sorry Ricky. I love you". I pulled myself onto the top of the edge of the pool to get out of the water. I looked like a dumbass in soaked regular clothes. I'm going to look even more retarded walking home in these clothes. As I left the pool and started walking home, I thought about what had happened. I'm sure Mark didn't mean to hurt me like that. He's still not used to the whole 'relationship' thing. And he did say he loved me and he was sorry so I really can't be mad at him. Can I? I really just didn't know. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- That night at almost midnight, as I sat downloading music from the computer, I heard a noise coming from the window. I made my way to the window as quietly as possible without waking- up Nick. Looking out the window, I saw Andy throwing little pebbles to catch my attention. I opened the window without making much sound. "Get down here," Andy whispered loudly with a cute smile on his face. I flashed him a smile and swiftly got myself out the window and onto the big tree right in front of it. I climbed down and met up with Andy as he gave me a quick, yet soft kiss on the lips. "Wanna come over?," he asked, "I got the house to myself tonight" "Umm," I pretended to hesitate even though I knew I was not going to say no. "Okay I guess". We walked over in the middle of the night across the street and opened the door. Once the door closed, Andy wrapped his arms around my neck and leaned in to lock lips. I tried walking backwards as we kissed to find the sofa so we could get comfortable. After a bit of bumping into things and almost breaking his mom's favorite decoration, I found it. We lay together on the sofa as we explored each others mouths with our tongues. Andy's hands moved around my body and eventually made its way under my shirt to touch my chest. We unlocked our lips for a little as he took this chance to remove my shirt as well as his own. As he took off his shirt, I unbuttoned his jean button and pulled down the zipper. Our lips met again and we continued to kiss as we maneuvered ourselves to take off our clothes. We started giggling at some points because it was hard to keep the kiss going with a lot of moving going on. After maybe 5 minutes, we managed to remove everything from our bodies. Andy moved his lips away from mine and just began to stare into my eyes. His warm body laying on mine felt amazing. He lowered his head onto my neck and began giving it soft kisses. "I *kiss* love *kiss* you *kiss* Ricky * kiss*" He said. As he continued this way, I began to feel weird. At some points, I started to imagine Mark being here with me in place of Andy. I couldn't really understand it. I mean, I know I love Andy. And I know I feel something similar for Mark too. But why am I thinking of Mark when I'm not even with him? Andy and I didn't end up going all the way. It was cool though since it's not all about sex. Actually, the kissing and just being next to each other can be a whole lot better then the sex. There's more meaning to it in a way. We lay together on the sofa, my arm around his, as he slept with a warm blanket around us. I couldn't fall asleep that easily. Thoughts still invaded my mind with a sense of guilt and uncertainty. As I closed my eyes trying to force myself to give my mind a rest, a tear ran down my face. -------------------- ----------------- -------------- ---------------------- Hey guys, I wont be posting anymore of this story in nifty so if you wanna find out the ending, you gotta come to check out this site thats starting up. Its a site with gay stories written by teens...its not even up at yet, but it'll be up real soon- If ya wanna kno wut it is, ur gonna hafta email me..So hope u come and check it out. Again, if ya wanna email me, feel free with ur comments. My email address is now X_plicit33@hotmail.com c-ya