dreams of love
By Roy Davenport

Copyright Warnings: This story is copyright protected by the author. Therefore any distribution of any kind is strictly forbidden without the consent of the Author.  If found on any other site then Battle Stations without my permission action will be taken immediately. 

Chapter 1: Where it all Started

Hi there. My name is Roy Davenport. Some of you might know me from some other work I wrote but I think for the most of you I will be a new name in an already long list of authors. Those who are visiting Battle Stations right now definetly know who I am since that is my very own website. This is my first story to write after an absence for nearly a year. A lot of happened this year. A lot I will be revering to in this story. It also contains some references to other stories I wrote so far but none of them essintial to read before this one. 

But first for those who don't know who I am just yet a little discription of me. Like I said my name is Roy Davenport. As you might understand it's just a spuedoniem for my real name just like all other names used in the story (except for the Netherlands what is where I live). I'm 20 years young right now just about 5 month's before I turn 21. I'm 1m86 long, have dark blond hair, blue eyes and a figure wich is pretty alright although with only 60 kilo's I can use some more. 

I will start this story as early as possible. I think it was when I was only 13 so it's a while back. I hope I remember everything correctley. Not that you would notice when I don't :)

As you might suspect from finding my story at this site I'm a gay boy and this is about me finding out about that and how I dealt with the aspects changing my young life forever.

When I was a child I could be very difficult. Lot's of arguments with both my parent's and my sister ended in a fight. I usualy would slam the door before running to my room in anger and frustration. I couldn't deal with my anger at school so most of it I let go when I was at home. As you can understand not a very ideal situation but it had to do. I discovered my feelings for other boy's when I was around late 13, early 14. Not really helping the situation at home for I couldn't tell anyone. I fell in love with Henry, my best friend from junior grade. Actually he also was my only friend back then. I wasn't that popular during junior grade. Actually I was the one constantley being hit by the older and bigger boy's and sometimes even grils.  I guess you can say I was a dork back then. I wore glasses for example wich was often the subject of them teasing me.

When Henry and I both hit puberty we started learning about girls, sex and other boy stuff. And naturally like most teenagers that age we started experimenting with each other. At first we would jerk off together but seperatley later we would jerk of each other. And that went on to the moment we shared our first blow job with each other. It was a great time and pretty innocent actually. It was untill I discovered I kinda fell in love with him. From that day on something changed altough I can't quit put a finger on to what changed exactley. We continued sharing blow jobs until we both went into second class of High School. We also talked about anal sex sometimes and we both found we would like to experience that someday. We never really got to actually doing it for we where both scared about it at the same time. After Junior Grade we went to High School. But not to the same one. The first year we stayed inseperable. We saw each other almost every day.  But as you might suspect and totally logically we started to drift apart. Both of us made contact with new people, got new friends and we saw each other less and less until it was only sporadically and most of the times only for some hot sex. I missed him a lot and now looking back at it I might have done some things differentley but on the other hand it was probably for the best. One thing is for sure. It was an experience I will never forget. (See Our Secret Hiding for more on this)

At the end of second year in High School I had a nice group of friends I got along with fine. None of them knew about my secret ofcoarse and when the subjects of girls came up I got along with it. Nobody suspected. That all changed halfway year three. I met the guy I would become best friends with for almost 6 years even untill now. Actually I already saw him in second year but we were in other classes. It wasn't untill third year I learned his name. It was Brad. A shy guy with what would appear later a little contact disruption. We became close friends during camp and I introduced him to our little group. He was accepted with some reluctance but in the end he became part of the group. At the end of that year when he spent the night he told me a secret he had. He was just like me gay. He didn't know that I was gay ofcoarse so it was a huge confession for him to make. Now I wasn't surprised at all for I had suspected it for several months back then. Just the way he reacted when girls came up. 

I shared my secret with him too and our bond became even closer. We had the occasionall sex things but it never blossomed into more. Both of us carring about our friendship more than romance. Considering the fact we are still friends it was probably for the best and I don't regret the decision we made. I never will for that matter. Because of his contact disruption it was difficult for him to socialize in the group wich made him an easy pick for jokes sometimes. Most of them being about him being gay. They were pretty harmless actually but since they where closer to truth then the group suspected they hit Brad very bad. I helped him deal with the jokes and at some point in last year of High School I outted him to our little group. Just him not me. I wasn't ready yet but I felt it neccesarry to out him for I knew how painfull the jokes where to him. He didn't know at first that I outted him but but the jokes stopped almost instantley. They weren't jokes anymore and our group of 16 year olds where adult enough to understand that being gay wasn't a desease or something like that. They even got to respect Brad more for what he was. And even altough I knew that I still couldn't come out myself to them, I still kept myself a secret. I have told Brad about me outing him a few weeks later. At first he was quit angry. You can Imagine ofcoarse but later he confessed to me I had made the right dicision and he was gratefull for it. It made his life a little bit more bareble. And on some strange way it made mine a litte bit better to. Just to know I had helped one my closesth friend made me feel important. A thing I had never experienced during junior grade. 

The way I handled the situation with Brad made my friends realize I was there for them. More and more of the usual day problems they had where burdened on my shoulder. I Like that one girl in history class how should I aproach her?? Should I even approach her???? My parent's want me to be religious but I can't for I don't agree with their point of view. What should I do??? I have troubles with my Math would you help me out??? 

As for my own life I felt I was a spin in the middle of a wheel keeping it turning. I stood ready for others when they needed my help but I couldn't lean on any pillar for my own discomfort in life. I still wasn't sure about me being gay or bi at age 16 so finally after month's of sleepless nights I took a change. I made contact to a guy called Timothy through internet. After we chatted a few times we decided to have a sex date. He would pick me up at the train station. I needed an excuus to leave the house but didn't know what to tell my parent's. Me being in first class of College then, I told them I was going to make some homework at my friends place and going into the town later that night. It was Saterday so for me it sounded like a reasonable excuse. They didn't bought it. I wonder why. Probably something to do with the fact I never made my homework before so they just knew something was up. I was angry and made a huge scene. Then they gave in a bit. If I told my sister the truth about where I was going and she would find it a reasonable plan I was aloud to go. I had a really close bond with my sister back then (still have) so after an hour or so debating it in my head I decided to just go for it. It sounds easy the way I describe it here but believe me it wasn't. I cried a lot that hour. Both from frustration as desperation for I had to be aloud to go otherwise I would never find out about me being gay or bi. So I told here I thought I was gay but wasn't sure yet. I also told here about me deciding to have a sex date to know for sure and she totally supported my dicision to find out. (for more details about this you can read Train Adventure) 

Needles to say the outcome of that night. I indeed decided I was gay but had hard time accepting it. Somewhere in the back of my head I heard wedding bell's and the laughter of playing children. But me being gay would change that image I had and I couldn't deal with that very well. At the end of that school year, I just turned 17 I decided I had been hiding in the closeth long enough. Not being able to tell out loud what I really felt made me feel miserable. So I decided one night to tell my parent's about me being gay. We just had a family dinner to celebrate my dad's new job. He had been out of a job for almost 2 years so it was great news. His new job I mean ofcoarse. Me being gay was a bit differentley Although they where a bit surprised since I talked about some girls a lot they had seen it comming.  They totally supported me but also told me they needed some time to adjust to the new situation. I couldn't really blame them for that. After all it's not every day your son tells you he is gay and won't reproduce any airs. I was happy for being able to show my real feelings although it felt a little bit uncomfortable too. 

A few weeks later I met another guy on Internet called Pete. We kinda clicked great and it wasn't untill long after that we chatted every evening for at least an hour. That's when all the trouble started to show up but more on that in the next part of: Dreams of Love. 

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Please send me an E-mail to inform me what you think about this story. That way I know if I'm on the right track with it. You can E-mail me at: Dreamer0@hotmail.com.