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Earth, As it is in Heaven
By: Roman Genesis
Not What It Seems
Really good plans take a lot of planning, but when it came to Sebastian, I had no idea where to even begin. We were from two totally different worlds and it would have been a chore to even talk to him, let alone try and become friends with him.
Then there was the fact that practically no one in town would accept us if we did decide we were in love. It wasn't like we were living the hate capitol of the world, but people weren't exactly going out of their way to accept homosexuality. I always found it odd that people could hate something simply because they didn't understand it. I mean, I didn't understand Algebra at all, but that didn't mean I hated it. Wait, yeah it did. That was probably a bad example.
This weekend was going to be pretty busy as it was, so I was going to have to put the issue of Sebastian on the back burners for the time being. That didn't mean I wasn't looking forward to seeing him in class though.
I sat patiently in Algebra class waiting for the bell to ring. Mrs. Anderson kept giving me the strangest looks. I think this was the first time this year I had been on time, let alone early, to class. A flood of people came pouring in the door and I knew the bell was about to ring. Chad plopped down next to me with the biggest grin. "Where did you disappear to after the game?" he asked.
I reluctantly tore my eyes away from the door to look at him. "I wanted to work on these Algebra problems. I'm not doing to well in here." He stared at me in disbelief. He was completely lost as to what to say.
I turned by gaze back to the door, and just as I did, my angel appeared. He strolled in, his eyes fixed forward. He went straight for his desk, sat down, and without looking around, he grabbed his book out of his bag and began reading. He looked just as beautiful as he had yesterday. His glasses were slipping down his nose and he pushed on the bridge with his index finger to keep them steady. God, every move this kid made was turning me on.
"Trevor, are you okay?" I looked back over at Chad to see that he was still looking at me like I had lost my mind. I probably had.
"Yeah," I said nervously. "Why?"
"I don't know," he said slowly. "You've been acting weird lately."
"Okay, take your assignment from last night out and let's start grading them," Mrs. Anderson said to the class. Chad turned back to his folder and started flipping through it. Was he right? Had I been acting differently lately?
We went over the assignment and I tried to keep up, but somehow my mind began to wander and after that I was completely lost. I gave in and ended up staring at Sebastian the whole period. I rested my head in my hands and just watched him. His every movement made me feel warm and helpless inside. This was love. I knew it.
Halfway through the period, as I watched, he dropped his pencil on the ground and it rolled under the girl's desk next to him. He quickly got on the floor and reached for it. The girl looked down, but looked right back up at the teacher without helping. What a bitch, I thought.
He retrieved his pencil and sat back down. For the first time in two days he finally took his eyes out of his book and quickly glanced around the class to see if anyone else had witnessed his little blunder. His eyes scanned so quickly that before I had a chance to react, he spotted me staring and his eyes locked on to mine.
If I had any common sense at that moment, I would have looked away, but eyes have a way of speaking for a person, and I felt like we were seeing each other for the first time. Granted, he had looked at me yesterday when he had requested not to sit by me, but this was different. My heart sped up and my stomach tightened as we just looked at each other.
Suddenly, he looked back down at book and pretended like he was reading. I knew he was only pretending though, because from time to time he would look back up and me and see that I was still watching him. After so many times, I forced myself not to stare. I didn't want him to think I was a freak or anything.
Over time, I began to follow the lecture again, but by then it was to late. The bell rang and Mrs. Anderson gave us our assignment that would be due on Monday. I stood up and saw Sebastian moving toward the door a little bit to quickly to be considered natural. He was probably running from me, I thought.
"Hey, Trevor," Chad said coming up beside me. I looked over at him. "If something's bothering you, I'd be more than happy to help if I can." Chad's sudden appearance of kindness took me off guard. We had never really been that close, but now he was offering his help as a friend.
I smiled and put my hand on his shoulder. "I'm fine, Chad, really. Thanks for offering to help though."
He blushed a little and suddenly put the tough guy act on again. "So, you're going to Nathan's house tonight?"
"Yeah," I said, putting as much reluctance in my voice as I could. We both began walking toward the door. "I think Vanessa is going to drag me there."
"Okay, then I'll see you there bro."
With that, he bounded off down the hallway. I watched him go for
a second and then turned and headed to my next class.
Like clockwork, Sebastian sat down by himself in the cafeteria just after I had sat down with the team. I began watching again and he took his book out and began reading. That was all he really did. I wondered if he had any friends at all.
Vanessa wrapped her arms around my arm and leaned in. "Don't worry," she said. "Nathan's party will be fun. They're always fun." I wondered how Vanessa even remembered his other parties because she had been well past drunk at most of them.
"Okay," I said and lifted my hand up to run it through her hair. We looked like the perfect little couple. Instinctively, I looked back over at Sebastian. He was still reading.
"Trevor, you pulled off some pretty crazy plays last night," Mike shouted from the end of the table.
"If I remember correctly," I shouted back, "that double lateral play was your idea." It had been, but it had worked beautifully. I had to give him that. Everyone laughed and continued talking, the table becoming a giant noise machine. When we got loud, the whole cafeteria had to get louder to compete with us. Sometimes, it became so loud, you couldn't even think.
Everyone was screaming for attention and not
waiting for their turn to talk. Everyone except Sebastian that is.
Sebastian remained calm and peaceful at his table, alone and content in
After I had turned fifteen last year, I quickly began looking for a job, and although my parents didn't want me to, I soon took a job at a video store. Most places were looking for someone at least sixteen because of all the restrictions on working a fifteen year old. The video store must have been desperate though, because they hooked me up with a job that paid minimum wage. Because of the restrictions though I only worked a few hours a week, on Friday and Saturday. That's when the place got really busy.
I stood behind the counter and scanned the three movies the old lady had given me and put them back on the counter. "The total is $6.35," I told her.
She handed me the money and I punched it in. "By the way," she said as I handed her the change. "You played one hell of a game last night."
I was somewhat taken aback by her comment, but she just smiled and headed for the door with her video. Our team was getting more and more popular everyday. I looked down at my watch for the fifth time in five minutes and saw that I had three minutes left before eight o'clock. Vanessa would be at my house in half an hour to pick me up.
The place was pretty slow for a Friday night so I walked over to the go-back cart and got a few videos to put on the shelf before I clocked out. I strolled around the store and put them on the shelf when the door bell sounded to let us know someone was coming into the store. I looked up casually and caught myself. I couldn't believe my eyes. It was Sebastian!
He didn't see me so I walked back over to the register. It was time for me to go, but there was no way I was going to clock out when I had this perfect opportunity. Nancy, my boss, was in the back so I was the only one with a register open.
He walked down the new release rack, picking up various tapes and reading the back. It was Friday night at eight o'clock and Sebastian was at the video store alone trying to find a movie. My heart sank and I began to feel really sorry for him. I was almost convinced now that he had no friends and all I wanted to do was go over and hug him. I couldn't even image what it would be like to have no one.
I looked out the window at the front of the store and saw the wind shaking golden leaves off the trees outside and sending them dancing through the chilly Autumn night. New York was so beautiful in the Autumn. I had lived here my whole life and still couldn't get over how beautiful the Springs and Autumns were.
I looked back over at Sebastian and noticed he had given up on the new releases and was now scouring the drama section. All this was going to be for nothing if he didn't find a movie he wanted. I looked back down at my watch. It was 8:05. Nancy would be coming out to take my place in a few minutes.
I stood there quietly watching Sebastian as he continued roaming. I realized all at once that I had been biting my finger nails. For some reason, I was getting really anxious. I wished he would hurry up. My stomach began rolling into a knot as I waited for him to find a movie. I was about to go over and help him when suddenly he grabbed one and headed right toward me. He still didn't look up because he was reading the back of the case.
My heart began pounding as he walked straight toward me. Finally, when he was only fifteen feet away, he looked up and saw me. He stopped in his tracks and looked at the other registers, looking for a different one probably. I just stood there smiling like a dumb ass.
"Hi," I said. "Can I help you?"
He didn't reply. He simply walked up to the counter and laid the movie down. The movie had had picked was "Amadeus." God, I loved that movie. I looked up and our eyes met again, just like they had in class. I wasn't sure if it was my imagination, but it felt like the air around us had turned electric. Our eyes were talking to each other. I wasn't sure what they were saying.
I decided to break the silence. "You're in my Algebra class, aren't you?" My voice was shaking like a madman. Me, Trevor McClain, captain of the Junior Varsity football team, hero to the whole town, was trembling at the thought of talking to this boy.
He looked down at his hands which were resting on the counter. "Yeah," he said softly, almost inaudible. I felt bad for the boy. I didn't want to make him anymore uncomfortable than he already was. I grabbed the movie and the card that was resting on top of it.
I read it quickly and ran it through the machine. The name Karen Reynolds came up. "So, how are you doing in there?" I asked, hoping to god I could get him talking and hopefully get into a conversation. For some reason though, I didn't think that was going to happen.
"Okay, I guess." Again, he said it without looking at me. His eyes were glued to his hands which were resting on the counter. I followed his gaze down to his hands and stared at them while I scanned the movie. They were so small and delicate. I looked back up at his face, and his smooth boyish features. This kid was driving me crazy. I reached out to hand him the movies and the card, but realized that my hands were trembling, so I put them down on the counter. I couldn't believe how nervous I was getting all of a sudden.
"The total is $3.20," I said. He looked up, surprised, like he had forgotten he had to pay. He reached into his back pocket awkwardly and unfolded his wallet. He retrieved a five and placed it on the counter. As he pulled his hand away, I could tell he was shaking to. Probably not for the same reason as me, I figured. I grabbed the money and typed it in.
The thing opened and I pulled out his change. "Here's 80 cents," I said and closed the drawer. "I guess I'll see you in class on Monday," I added.
He stood there for a second, a slight grin crossing his face. It was the first time I had seen him smile. It was the most beautiful thing in the whole world. His teeth became visible through his most beautifully shaped lips. I smiled back and he finally said, "I think you owe me a dollar."
The words didn't register for a second and I thought he was trying to be funny. Suddenly, I figured out what he was talking about and felt really stupid. "Oh, sorry about that." I opened the cash drawer and pulled out a bill for him and put it on the counter. "There you go."
He put it in his wallet and stood there for a second as if he was going to say something else. My hopes lifted as I imagined him saying, "You want to maybe hang out sometime?" Finally though, he smiled again shyly and headed for the door.
My hopes went crashing through the floor as he pushed the door open and disappeared into the chilly Autumn night. Like a reaction, the door to the back room opened and Nancy stepped out. "Trevor, what are you still doing here?"
I looked down at my watch. It was 8:11.
"Oops," I said and rushed into the back room
and clocked out. Now I was going to have to keep Vanessa waiting
and hear her complain the whole way to Nathan's house. Just my luck.
I ran outside and jumped on my bike and rode off toward my house.
Stepping out of the shower, I placed my towel around my waist and walked down the hallway to my room. I was surprised and slightly embarrassed when I saw Vanessa sitting on my bed waiting for me. "Do you know what time it is?" she asked sharply, not even recognizing the fact that I was in nothing but a towel.
I looked over at my alarm clock. "8:42," I said as if I had done nothing wrong. I walked over to my dresser and rummaged through it.
"Trevor McClain, I don't think you've been on time for anything in your life except football practice," she began nagging. I couldn't wait to get some beer in her. Maybe then she would stop annoying me so much.
I dropped my towel and pulled my boxers on. Vanessa and I had done our share of fooling around before, but I still got nervous being around her naked though. I didn't know why, but I guess it was natural. She didn't seem to mind so much.
"Could you hurry up please?" She walked over to the mirror above my dresser and checked her makeup. I could imagine her at her house doing the same thing a thousand times already. I finished tying my shoes and stood up.
"Okay, I'm ready."
She spun around and looked at me critically. "You wore that shirt the last time we went out."
"So?" I said. "It's been washed."
"That's not the point," she whined, going over to my closet to find a different shirt. Okay, now I really wanted to get some beer in her. I tore my shirt off and threw it on the bed. "Here, wear this one." She walked over and handed me one of my Ralph Lauren sweaters she herself had picked out at the mall. I was her own little Ken doll.
I pulled it over me and finally we were off
to Nathan's house.
We heard the party before we actually saw it. Vanessa pulled her car up Nathan's huge driveway and parked at the back of the line of cars. Vanessa and I had barely spoken on the way here. To be perfectly honest, we didn't really speak much when it was just us. I think in a lot of ways the relationship was for show. She had her reasons and I had mine.
"Trevor," the guys outside the house yelled when they spotted us coming. Vanessa instantly grabbed on to my arm.
"How's it going guys?" I said as we got closer. Nathan was outside with two other guys from the team.
"I didn't think you two were going to make it," Nathan said. You could tell he had been drinking for some time now. "The drinks are in the kitchen." We headed inside and Nathan called to us right before we got in the door. "Watch out for Mike though."
I wasn't really sure what he meant by that, but we soon found out. Mike was in the kitchen and I think to say he was drunk was an understatement and a half. "Trevor," he called when he saw me. He rushed over and threw his arm around me, almost spilling his beer everywhere. "This party is awesome." It used to pain me to see my best friend Mike like this, but I had gotten used to it over time. He was a big boy though and I figured he knew what he was doing.
I went over to get a drink and soon found myself swept up in the sea of people. I couldn't believe how many people were here. There were freshmen, sophomores, and juniors here. I thought I even saw a few of the Seniors from the Varsity team. Apparently they had lost their game earlier in the evening and most of them ended up staying home.
I did one walk through the house and realized that I had finished my beer and had lost Vanessa, so I went back to the kitchen to find both. She wasn't there, but I grabbed another beer and headed back into the house again. Everyone was coming up to me and telling me how good I did the night before in the game and I thanked them all using my cookie cutter response. I got a little sick of them after a while.
With DMX blasting in the background I began to make my way to the stairs to see if Vanessa had gone up there. There was a pretty big group at the base of the stairs and I began wiggling through them when I suddenly stopped.
Was it my imagination, or had I just seen...
Someone bumped into me and almost spilled my beer again. "Oh, sorry Trevor," the boy said. "Nice game last night by the way."
I nodded my head and looked across the room to the small group I had seen. It wasn't my imagination. Standing there, with a group of seven other people, was none other than Sebastian. I couldn't believe he was here. My mind was racing and I was pretty sure the alcohol wasn't helping. I began pushing through the crowd toward Sebastian. I had to talk to him.
"Sebastian," I called when I was almost to him. He didn't hear me, but he spun around when I put my hand on his shoulder after I almost fell.
"Trevor McClain," he said astonished when he saw me. The whole group looked at me and were suddenly all greeting me at the same time. Sebastian wasn't wearing his glasses and he was wearing a button down shirt tucked into huge cargo pants. He looked really good.
He lifted his cup up to his mouth and took a sip before saying, "That game was awesome last night." I suddenly realized that he was drinking a beer. I couldn't believe my eyes. He was acting completely different than he had been at the video store. I had this guy pegged all wrong. He wasn't a lonely nobody. I wondered if he was just being so outgoing because he was drinking.
"That double lateral you pulled off," he continued. "Jeez man, you had me pissing my pants." The girls in the little group began giggling. He had been at my game? My mind was spinning out of control. Something was wrong and I couldn't put my finger on it.
Suddenly, someone leaped on my back and I knew instantly who it was. "Honey," she yelled. I could smell the Tequila all over her. I delicately removed her from my back and turned around. Vanessa had a little bit to much to drink.
"Where were you?" I asked her over the booming music.
"Me and Mike were doing shots upstairs," she said, slurring the whole thing into one long syllable. She was having trouble standing on her own so I put my arm around her for support. She suddenly leaned in and whispered in my ear, "Let's go upstairs."
The beer spoke for me. "Okay," I whispered back. I looked back over at Sebastian and his group of friends. Most of them were looking at Vanessa curiously. She really was a mess. "Well, I guess I'll talk to you later," I said to Sebastian. I didn't want to leave him, but I really didn't have a choice. Vanessa was going to pass out any second.
"All right, see you later Trevor," he said, taking my hand quickly and snapping our fingers together. Talk about the twilight zone. I was still kind of dizzy and disorientated from the beer and didn't want to think about it anymore.
"See you later, Sebastian." He had been in the process of putting his cup up to his mouth when he suddenly froze. He looked back over at me and lowered his cup slowly.
"I'm Eric, man," he said. He acted like he didn't mind, but you could tell he did. "Sebastian's my brother."
For a second, it felt like everything in the room stopped. The music died away and the people froze where they were. I was trapped for a second, unable to grasp what the boy had just told me. Sebastian had a twin brother?
Things just got very interesting. "Oh... I..." I didn't even know what to say.
"Trevor," Vanessa began to complain. "Let's go."
"I'm really sorry about that," I finally said to the boy.
"It's no problem." He was now looking at me with a strange look. Vanessa began dragging me away, but Eric never took his eyes off me. He was looking for something, but for the life of me I couldn't figure out what it was.
Vanessa pulled me further up the stairs and at the top I looked back down before we rounded the corner. Eric was still staring at me, confused and curious. God, he looked exactly like Sebastian.
She lead me down to one of the bedrooms and closed the door behind us. I sat down on the bed, facing away from her. I kept replaying the whole thing in my head. It must have been a trick, I thought. That had to have been Sebastian.
Vanessa walked around to the front of me and pushed me down one the bed and began kissing me. I started to protest, but the alcohol in my system wouldn't let me. My head was spinning and I finally realized she was slowly unbuttoning my pants.
I closed my eyes and let her work her magic, but I couldn't get the image of the boy out of my head. The most amazing sensation in the whole world ran up my spine and I wondered, was I imagining Sebastian?