Disclaimer: This is a story about gay people...if you can't read it or
Don't like gay people, leave. Go...bye. But if you like it, read it and
Write to me.
Chapter 33: I is for Insecurity
"Tell Him!"I urged.
"I can't just tell him, it has to be special, I have to be ready." Hannah said.
"Han, we're not sixteen anymore, you've got to be honest." I said as Hannah and sat, watching a rerun of Gossip Girl, "You see how bad that was for Blair and Chuck."
"It's a TV show." Hannah scoffed.
"Yeah and before that it was a book." I said, "And before that, who knows."
"True, I mean, you were living the Gossip Girl life in New York." Hannah smiled, "How was that?"
"It was surreal." I replied, "I'm going back, want to go?"
"Does the Davis from the Real World turn me on?" Hannah said.
"Wait, is that the answer or another question?" I asked.
"An answer."She smiled.
"Oh." I said, "He is cute."
"You just like his name." Hannah said.
I thought about it, "True." I said.
"Are we okay?" Davis asked as we lay in my bed. I had been shaky since I heard about what he and Ryan supposedly did. It was awkward because there was no pretense anymore. I didn't like Ryan and he didn't like me. Davis was definitely not on Ryan's side...nope...Stop thinking that, he's on my side.
"What do you mean?" I asked.
Davis didn't look at me, instead, he looked up at the ceiling, "I mean, the dinner, which I still don't know much about, and then the thing with Ryan..." he said.
"What do you want me to say?" I asked.
"That you forgive me and we can put it behind us." Davis sighed.
I shifted from under him, "I do, forgive you, but I'm not forgetting it anytime soon." I said, causing him to sigh again and get up from the bed. I sat up, "Look, you hurt me. Imagine if I had said that after dinner I had slept with Marco?"
"You what?"Davis asked.
"See." I said quickly, "Even though you didn't, it still...I just feel like that was a sign from you, that maybe I'm in this way deeper than you."
"That's not even close to true." Davis said.
"Well, how am I supposed to feel? I set that up specifically for us, then I planned for us to make love after. It was the plan." I said.
"How many times am I going to have to say I'm sorry?" Davis asked.
"Until it sticks."I said, "It irked me."
"Then why didn't you just say that?" Davis asked.
"Because you weren't around for me to say it to." I said, "You weren't there."
"I'm sorry." Davis said.
I smiled, "It stuck." I said, giving him a full-on kiss.
"See ya, baby." Davis said, leaving.
I waited until I heard Davis' truck and moved to the door. As I got there, I heard whispering.
"So, all those trips were for nothing?" Dad asked.
"No, and keep your voice down, I think Adaen's in his room with Davis." Mom whispered.
Dad groaned, "And you just let them..." I could hear the frustration in his voice, "I am okay with him being...gay. I am. I'm not okay with them getting this freedom."
"You don't think he should have freedom?" Mom asked.
"I don't think they should be allowed to just do what they want, God, be a parent." He slipped.
"So, first I'm not a good wife and now I'm not a good mother? You're a real jerk." Mom said, storming away.
I shut the door until I was sure they were both somewhere else. When I felt it was safe, I ventured out of my room and downstairs where Kya sat with Charli. I walked over and picked Charli up and sat on the couch.
"How's my little niece doing today?" I asked, playing with her. She smiled at me.
"She's doing great." Kya said, "I'm tired though."
"Well, duh." I said, "She cries in the middle of the night and poopies." I said.
"You can hear her?" Kya asked.
"Davis can hear her." I said. She looked at me oddly, "From his house and his bed." I added.
"Oh." Kya chuckled, "We're getting ready."
"Ready? Ready for what?" I asked.
"For Jonathan to visit." Kya said.
"So, you guys are still trying to work things out?" I asked.
"Yeah," Kya said, "It's important for Charli."
I shrugged, "I don't know...I mean, what if..."
"It's okay. We've talked about things, I talked, he listened, and we've come to an understanding. He puts on hand on me and he loses it."
"What about the baby?" I asked.
"He loses way more than a hand." Kya said.
"Haha, my sister." I smiled, "So, I guess I better be going."
"Where you going?"Kya asked.
I shrugged, "Well, Buffy and Charmed don't come on anymore, so I've gotta get a life." I said, "Good luck with the baby-daddy."I said, handing her Charli
"Thanks." Kya said, playing with her own baby.
Marco dribbled, then shot, then dribbled, then shot. It was quite repetitive, but it was what he had to do. No dunks, no showboating, just good old shooting and dribbling. He had to be ready for the new division he was going into and the gym was practically empty this time of day, so that added to the boredom. He prepared the ball for launch, then threw it up, knowing immediately that the ball was going in!
"Score one for you." A voice said, causing him to turn. It was the guy from the hospital, Ryan. Ryan stood at about 6'1 and was pretty ripped from where Marco stood. He was a red-head and had light blue eyes. He was wearing the standard all-star jersey with the sickest pair of J's.
"Hi." Marco said, getting the ball and holding it.
"Nice shot." Ryan said.
"Thanks," Marco said, "You play?"
"Oh yeah."Ryan said, "I'm with your brother on the all-star team."
"My brother?"Marco asked.
"Half-brother, whatever." Ryan said.
Marco smiled, "Yeah, we don't acknowledge each other." He said, "Things came between us."
"Like Adaen?" Ryan asked.
"Like our father." Marco said, "What do you know about Adaen?"
"Not much." Ryan said, "Just that he's a feisty little..."
"Choose your words carefully." Marco said, "He's my best friend."
"Sorry." Ryan said, "So, I'll play you."
"You sure, I'm pretty good." Marco said.
"I'm sure I can take you." Ryan said, grabbing the ball.
As Hannah dusted off the antiques, she was surprised when she saw Kendall come in. It wasn't too long ago when Kendall, Christina, and Julie were the hottest things in Hargrove. To see Kendall in her mom's Antique Store was like seeing a dog walking on its hind legs. Kendall was the one person from that Triad that hadn't become Hannah's friend. Instead of hanging in Hargrove, she had jet-set to New York with Adaen, something that irked her. Kendall was threatening to her psyche.
"Hey." Kendall said, walking up to her.
"Hey, Kendall." Hannah said apprehensively.
Kendall looked around, "I know, you're probably wondering why I'm in here." She said.
"Yeah, not the usual hangout." Hannah chuckled, "I assume it's about Adaen."
"Isn't it always?" Kendall laughed, "I just wanted to come by and, umm, I don't know what I'm doing here."
"It's okay." Hannah said.
There was an awkward silence.
"So, how is Adaen, we haven't really talked since..."
"Yeah, since..." Hannah trailed, "He's really, umm, happy. His sister had a baby and, he's dating Davis."
"Yeah, tell me about it." Hannah chuckled, "Guys are so stupid."
"Oh yeah, they're complete idiots." Kendall said, "You'd think gay guys would be smarter." She shook her head.
"So, hey, we could talk more." Hannah said, grabbing her jacket, "My mom's here, so we can talk more."
"That would be cool, cause there is stuff I need to ask you...about Julie." Kendall said.
"Let's go." Hannah smiled, leaving with Kendall.
Ballard had woken up with a start this morning when his sister killed his alarm clock. It had been a sleepy morning; his parents were out for the day, which could also be interpreted as off with their mister and mistress. Ballard wasn't worried about it though, his parents had an open marriage and it worked for them...as far as he knew. He'd met up with Davis around noon and now they were in the gym, hitting every machine they could.
"So, I had these twins last night...they were something." Ballard said, licking his lips, "But that wouldn't interest you."
"Hey, I'm still your buddy." Davis said, straining under the weights, "Besides I've listened to them all before."
"True." Ballard strained, "But you're in love, right?"
"Haven't you ever thought about monogamy?" Davis asked.
"What happened?" Davis asked.
"Friendship."Ballard said, a hint of disgust in his voice, "Thank God."
"So you just let her go?" Davis asked, stopping.
Ballard stopped too, "Wasn't easy, but it was love." He said.
"Love?It was love?" Davis smirked.
"Tell anybody and I'll shred you, bro." Ballard said.
"Sounds like something, wish I would have met her." Davis said.
Ballard just smiled, "So, how is our boy?" he asked.
"Adaen?"Davis asked, "On my ass. I told you about the whole thing where I thought me and Ryan did stuff, it hurt him. I love him, though."
"Awww, what, you going to buy him a ring?"Ballard joked.
Davis looked at him slowly.
"No." Ballard said, "You're not serious. That's seriously stupid."
"It's just a thought." Davis said, "Not anytime soon, but it's him."
"Him?" Ballard asked.
"I love him." Davis said, "And my career is on the fast pace, so I'll be stable. Isn't this what you're supposed to do after high school?"
"I thought that was college."
"After that."Davis said.
"Girls...or boys."Ballard said, "Lots and lots of girls...or boys."
"I've done lots of girls." Davis said.
"You used to be my wingman." Ballard smiled.
"Now I'm an assman." Davis smiled, "Look, I've done all this."
"You're sophomore in college, not a millionaire." Ballard said, "And one gi..uy, for the rest of your life? Really?"
"Look, let's just drop it." Davis growled, "You brought it up."
"I'm sorry, man, but you know I'm not the most monogamy-inclined person." Ballard said.
"I know." Davis said, "I'm just really happy. I've got basketball and I'm in love with the only guy I've ever loved. Life is great."
"And I'm happy for you, bro." Ballard said, hugging him, "I am. I'm glad it's somebody I actually like."
"It could've been Christina."
"That would have cut me deep." Ballard chuckled.
"We've got to tell her, I feel so guilty." Zack said.
"We're not telling her." Christina groaned, "It'll pass."
"You guys aren't even friends anymore." Zack protested.
"Look, I've got bigger things on my mind and we're not telling Hannah that we slept together!" Christina said loudly.
Now, Christina and Zack were standing in the remotest part of Hastings, where nobody really trampled, otherwise known as the book department, which I had been grateful to. I loved Hastings and frequented it, but not as of late, which is fishy since I love it. Anywho, I happened to be walking by at the exact time this loud interaction happened. Fishy, ain't it?
I walked around the corner and saw Zack and Christina, then started to walk away.
Zack grabbed me and I whirled around, "You can't say anything." He said.
"Oh really, I speak really well." I said quickly.
"It's Dudley Doo-Right." Christina sighed, "Mr. High Horse himself."
"Not a real good way to get me to shut up." I said.
"What do I have to lose?" Christina asked.
"Something, or you would've already told her." I said, "God, how could you do this to her."
"I..." Zack started.
"Not you, I know how you operate." I said, "She's your friend."
"I don't have any friends. I lost my friends when you came out. Everybody magically wants to be your friend and sleep with you." Christina said.
"You're joking, right?" I asked, "My life was all sunshine and daisy after I came out...right. This isn't about me."
"Yes it is, it's always about you!" Christina shouted.
"What are you talking about?" I asked.
"Why do you think everyone was sad? Cause you left and took Kendall with you. Hannah and Julie were all worried and that's how it started." Christina said, "And after a while, we just couldn't stop."
I had a sick pit in the bottom of my stomach, "I left and you're saying I caused her death?" I asked, "Do you know what a load that is? You were her friend and you slept with her husband!"
"Before I was her husband." Zack added.
"Shut up!" we both said.
"You're always the level-headed one and the moral one, but guess what, you're no better than any of us!" Christina said.
"Okay." I said slowly, "You're right. I'm not."
"What?" Christina asked.
"I'm not better than you." I said, "But I do take charge of my mistakes. I tell the truth, no matter what the consequences. I've never done anything for either of you to hate me, but you two have done some dirty things to me and to people around me! So why should I have to keep your secrets? In a room full of black sheep, the white sheep are the minority."
"What's that mean?" Christina asked.
"I don't know, but it sounded sincere and cool." I said, "I feel sorry for you cause I honestly think the truth is your enemy."
"What happens when we tell her?" Zack asked.
"She can either forgive you or..." I stopped.
"I'm sorry about the stuff with us." Zack said.
"Don't be. It made me a better person." I said, walking away from them.
"You know, even when the time comes to tell him off, I still feel bad for saying what I did." Christina growled.
"You feel bad?" Zack asked.
"Don't get used to it." Christina sighed.
I was so angry that I made my way out of Hastings and found myself in Subway. I was standing in line, ordering when I felt a poke and turned to see Davis and Ballard.
"Hey, babe." Davis said, hugging me.
"Hey." I said.
"We saw you come in, you looked kind of angry." Ballard said.
I nodded, "It's a thing." I smiled, "Let's have lunch."
"Hey...guys, what's up?" Hannah asked seeing Christina and Zack come into her home.
"We have something to say." Zack said slowly.
Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed. Please give me some feedback because that's how I get started. So, I want you guys to tell me how I'm doing.