Disclaimer: This is a story about gay people...if you can't read it or
Don't like gay people, leave. Go...bye. But if you like it, read it and
I walked back into the house and put the bag of groceries down. I had to buy diapers, formula, some toys, and some really cute onesies. The baby was with us since Quinn skipped out on us. I was pissed at her. I was pissed at the whole situation. The way Marco described it, he had been through one of his many break-ups with Julie when he had a one-night stand. Apparently, this stand wasn't going to be just one night. What was I going to do? Was I going to act like a baby and cry and whine about it? I couldn't do that. I couldn't be the scorned one, not here. There was a new life in the balance of this. This new life was being rocked in my living room right now.
"Hey, babe, did you get the stuff?" Marco asked.
I plastered a smile on my face.
"I got diapers and formula and..."
"Good." Marco smiled, "I was wondering if you could watch him while I go to get the results of the paternity test."
"Are you nervous?" I asked.
Marco looked at me, "Are you?" he asked.
"You said you're okay. I don't believe you. You have a tendency to hold it in until it explodes." Marco said.
"He's a baby. How could I be mad at him?" I asked.
"I don't know what you're mad about." Marco said, "It could be anything because there's a lot going on. I don't blame you for being mad."
"I'm not. Can we just drop it?" I asked.
"No. I'm worried about you." Marco said, "You've been a rock to me. You're dealing with a lot of stuff and I need to help you."
"I'm doing fine." I frowned, "I'm your rock...remember."
I chuckled, "Sorry. No issues here." I smiled.
Marco nodded and put Noel in his swing, "I'll be back in about thirty minutes." He said, kissing my cheek.
"Cool." I chuckled.
He grabbed his jacket and headed out the door. I paused and looked over to the bassinet where Noel was. I couldn't hate a baby, never. But I couldn't stand the situation at all. I was thinking too much about the situation! I grabbed the formula out of one of the plastic bags and headed to the kitchen. I put the faucet on and turned it to hot, placing the bottle under it as the water got warmer. I set the formula down on the table and walked over to the cupboard. I was standing there looking into the cupboard for no reason at all. I was shaken back into the world when the doorbell rang. I walked over and turned the water off, and then walked back to living room, looking out the window to see a sports car. I walked over and opened the door to find Davis standing on my front porch. At first we just stared at each other. The silence wasn't really awkward, but we figuring each other out.
"I'm sorry I was a dick to you the other day." Davis apologized, "I was wrong."
"No, you weren't." I said quickly, "Come in."
Davis nodded and stepped into the house. He walked over to the bassinet and looked in.
"His name is Noel." I smiled.
"Wow, you gave birth fast." Davis smiled.
"I heard about what happened." Davis said, "My nephew and his disappearing mommy."
"Yeah, still not over that." I frowned.
"It's got to be a lot." Davis frowned, "You must be..."
"Everybody thinks I'm going through this big thing, but...I'm not." I said.
Davis chuckled, "That's how you're going to play this?" he asked.
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"I know you." Davis smiled, "This had to hurt."
"It was before me." I said.
"Still...my brother has an illegitimate child and you're taking care of it because you feel obligated." Davis said, "What if you didn't."
I smiled nervously, "We play the cards we're dealt." I said quickly.
"What if I can give you more cards?" Davis asked.
"More cards? Pretend I know what you're talking about." I frowned.
"I still love you." Davis said sadly, "And you don't deserve this. We could leave and..." he said moving towards me.
"Wait," I said throwing my hands up, "You want me to run away with you?"
"Think about it. You still love me, I know it." Davis said, "We could start over."
"I can't just leave him." I said.
"Because you love him or because you feel obligated?" Davis asked.
I was about to speak but stopped. Part of me wanted to know the answer to that question, too. I wasn't sure what was going on with myself. I wasn't sure I was even happy anymore. I was and then one day...I'm confused. Davis was right, I love him, but am I still in love? Everybody has doubts. I can't be a bad person from thoughts, could I? Was I seriously considering this?
"You don't have to answer now. I wouldn't want you to. This is a big decision." Davis said, "I'm going out of town for a game. Meet me at my house at midnight."
I stared at him, unsure of what to say. I watched him leave, unsure of what to say or even think.
I stood outside of Kendall's apartment with Noel. I had to take him out of the stroller because he was crying. Christina opened the door and looked me up and down before turning and walking back into the apartment. I followed with trepidation. I could hear arguing in the bedroom and looked to Christina, who shrugged to me.
"What's going on?" I asked.
"Jack is back." Christina said, "Apparently they screwed and it meant nothing."
"Oh yeah." Christina said, "They've been arguing."
"Well that doesn't help me." I frowned.
"Vanity is ugly." Christina said.
"No! I just...I needed advice." I said quickly, "I'm not sure what to do."
"Yeah, I heard about your new bundle of responsibility." Christina said quickly, "He's a cutie."
I chuckled, "Yeah, he is." I frowned.
"So why didn't you go to Hannah for advice?" Christina asked.
"It's about Marco." I frowned, "She'd be biased."
"How could that mean nothing?!" Kendall's voice grew louder, "I love you."
"You lied to me for months! Do you think I could actually trust you?!" Jack said.
"No! I mean yes, I lied and that does compromise trust but I've been telling the truth about everything else and..."
"Bottom line is that I can't trust you. I miss you, but I can't do this." Jack said.
Before Christina or I could do anything but stare at the door, Jack stormed out of the room and left without saying a word. Christina looked to me but I nodded to the room. I could hear Kendall crying and Christina disappeared behind the door. I could still hear bawling but it was stifled a little. I turned, Noel in my arms, and left the apartment.
I sat in Starbucks sipping my Frappuccino. Noel was sleep and I watched him. Marco had called me a few times but I rejected the calls. I wasn't ready to face him yet. I looked up only when Ballard sat down across from me.
"Hey, little buddy." Ballard said, "Talk fast."
"Why?" I asked.
"I'm trying to score with this smoking hot..."
"Chick, yeah, I know." I frowned, "Nice to know how important our friendship is."
"Very to come before a hot chick." Ballard said.
"That's sweet in a totally not sweet way." I smiled.
"What's the deal?" Ballard asked, "It's got to be bad to ask my opinion."
"You've heard about Marco and his baby." I said.
Ballard nodded and looked to the stroller, "He's cute. I'd ask to hold him, but I don't do babies." He smiled.
"Is...I am wondering..." I stammered.
"Spit it out."
"Am I supposed to stay with Marco through this?" I asked.
Ballard looked surprised.
"I just am not happy." I said.
"The more things change, the more things stay the same." Ballard said, "You can't run from everything."
"I'm not...I just..."
"It's time you stopped running." Ballard said, "If you're really so unhappy that you can bear losing Marco, then run."
I looked away from him.
"It's harsh. But I don't think you're unhappy." Ballard said, "I just don't think you got what you want."
"That what you really think? I run away from everything?" I asked.
"Not everything." Ballard smiled, "Do what feels right. We done?"
"Go. Have your meaningless sex." I replied.
Ballard nodded, "Marco's a great guy." He said, leaving.
I knocked on the door of Eric's house to the point of beating on the door. He appeared at the door with no shirt and zipping his pants.
"I don't want to know." I said quickly.
"Good, cause I really don't want you to know." Eric said, "What're you doing here, little bro?"
"What is up with everybody today?" I asked.
"Maybe everyone has a life. Just like you." Eric said.
"Ouch." I frowned.
"Sorry, I didn't mean it like it sounded."
"No, I'm used to the abuse." I smirked.
"How is Noel today?" Eric asked, looking into the stroller.
"Sleep. So, I'm guessing that I can't come in." I said, "Are you doing somebody that I do not like?"
"Do not? Why didn't you just say don't?" Eric asked.
"What?" Eric asked.
"I just thought about you actually having sex with someone." I frowned.
"Do you want my advice or not? I'm assuming that's why you're here." Eric said, "I say go with your gut."
"Cause it's worked so well?" I asked.
"Yeah." Eric said, "Face it bro, you've had a pretty sweet life, minus all the bad stuff."
"Clearly." I said, "You're just trying to get me out of your hair so you can go and finish screwing."
"See, your instincts are killer." Eric smiled.
"Bye Eric." I said quickly.
"Later, bro." Eric said, shutting the door.
"My brother, the poet." I smiled.
"So, I've got this friend who is in this relationship but something extremely bad happened and he's rethinking his whole relationship and then her ex-boyfriend..."
"Wait, so is it a boy or girl?" Peter asked.
"What?" I asked.
"You just said he, and then you said she." Hope said, staring at me oddly.
"We've already deduced that you're the friend." Hope said.
Peter looked between us, "Yeah, cause I totally knew that." He said.
"You're thinking about leaving Marco?" Hope asked, "For Davis? You do know that a few months ago, you did just the reverse, right?"
"Okay...so he has a baby. You want kids." Peter said.
"But why not now?" Hope asked.
"Because. Because! I just haven't done anything that I want to achieve." I said.
"Do you actually remember the list? Love was at the top." Peter reminded.
"Of course, but..."
"And what about Marco? You do not want to leave him." Hope said.
"But if he's not happy, maybe he should consider Davis." Peter said, "You can't stay somewhere you're incredibly unhappy."
"What? That's stupid! Since when have you been unhappy with Marco?" Hope asked.
I looked to Noel.
"That's terrible." Hope said.
"I know, but it just feels like betrayal." I frowned, "I know it's not, but it feels like it."
"This isn't about him, this is about you." Hope said.
"This is about both of us." I said, "Thanks for listening, but you two are entirely too close to the situation than I like."
"You're not going to leave us on a cliffhanger!" Peter shouted.
"Kinda am." I said, leaving with Noel.
As I walked up to the door, I was aware that Marco was looking through the window. The door opened before I got to it and Marco stood back so I could walk in. He seemed mad and I couldn't blame him. He'd called around thirty times and I'd ignored every single one of them. When I got in the house, I put Noel in the bassinet and looked back at Marco, who was staring daggers through me while folding his arms.
"Where have you been?" Marco asked, "I called you thirty times. I've been worried out of my mind!"
"We're alright. I had errands to run." I said, avoiding eye contact.
"What's going on with you?" He asked, "You're mad, you're not mad; I can't keep up."
"I'm not mad." I said.
"Yeah, you are, but I can't decide if you're mad at me or what." Marco said, "I love you. I've always loved you and I don't want to lose you."
"Did you love me when you were having sex with Quinn?" I asked.
Marco looked at me shocked.
I closed my eyes, "I'm tired." I said.
"Me too." Marco sighed, "I knew this was at least part of the problem."
"Your baby's mama shows up with your baby and you expect me to just be okay?! I'm not, okay? I'm not." I said angrily.
"I already knew that. I didn't expect you to but you've been walking around acting like you're not mad when you are." Marco frowned, "Why didn't you just..."
"Because I don't want people thinking I hate this baby. It's not his fault!" I said, "It's yours."
Marco looked hurt. I hadn't meant to hurt him. I grabbed the paternity test from the coffee table and read the results.
"That's what this is to you, my little mistake?" Marco asked, "I've racked my brain trying to find a way to make you happy despite the situation but I realize that you've got to come to it in your own time."
Marco walked over and picked Noel up.
"Where are you going?" I asked.
"You can't deal with this now. When you can deal with me and my mistake, you let me know." Marco said angrily as he and Noel left.
["Last Kiss" by Taylor Swift begins to play]
Taylor Swift: I still remember the look on your face
Been through the darkness at 1:58
The words that you whispered for just us to know
You told me you loved me so why did you go away, go away
Davis stood outside Coopersmith at midnight, waiting for me. He visibly jumped when he saw me park down the road. I walked up the street and smiled to him.
"Where's your stuff?" Davis asked.
I just stared at him.
"Oh." Davis said, visibly sad.
"I can't run away because it's hard." I said, "And it is hard. I love him."
"I...understand." Davis smiled.
I moved towards him and kissed him quickly, "I'll always be here for you, but I'm with Marco now." I said, turning to walk away.
"He's lucky." Davis said.
I turned to him, "We both are." I said, leaving.
Taylor Swift: But now
I'll go sit on the floor wearing your clothes
All that I know is I don't know
How to be something you miss
Julie rolled over after a hot sexual encounter with Eric Lawrence. She couldn't remember the last time she'd truly felt like this with someone else. She and Eric were turning into more than just great sex. This scared her. This made her return to Darrieus. She thought about him here and there, but now she was thinking about him.
Taylor Swift: Never
thought we'd have a last kiss
Never imagined we'd end like this
Your name, forever the name on my lips
Christina sat on the bed with Kendall. Kendall was crying her eyes out and nothing Christina said was going to stop her. Jack had permanently dumped her. Christina pulled her closer. She thought about her own problems. She couldn't stop thinking about Ballard. There was something about the bastard that she couldn't get over. She wondered what he was doing. She wondered what goes through guys' minds. Kendall didn't much care. She had lost a lot. Too much.
Swift: And I hope the sun shines and it's a beautiful day
And something reminds you, you wish you had stayed
We can plan for a change in weather and time
I never planned on you changing your mind
I walked into the house and put my keys down on the end table. I walked into the living room and sat on the couch, letting air escape my mouth. Marco walked out of the kitchen, cradling Noel and feeding him. I looked up at them. They're my family. Marco came and sat down beside me, taking my hand in his. I smiled to him. This is where I wanted to be.