Chapter 1: Far From Fabulous
Author: Jeremy Self
Comedy / Teen / High School
This is my first attempt to write a story. It's probably going to be a long series. There is going to be all different types of characters and endeavors. There is no sex in this series. Sorry, but it's a comedy, not a porno. :P I hope you enjoy the first chapter, "Far From Fabulous." E-mails are greatly appreciated. :) Snazzy_Jay@hotmail.com
Far From Fabulous
Being a teenager these days sure does suck. I mean, look at all the stuff they pin on us! Drugs, alcohol, robbery, murder. Whenever an older person stares at me, I know what's going on inside their head. They give you that dirty look, like you're a juvenile delinquent as they casually walk past you. It makes me sick. I mean, hey, I'm not like that! I'm far from that, actually. I'm one of those smart, sensitive geeky guys, ya know? My life is so normal it's almost abnormal. Yeah, I'm not the most popular person in the world, or my school, but I still have good friends and a good family.
Everything was just peachy. Yeah, okay, there were some problems. My social life for example. Not the best. I wish I had more people to communicate with. I don't think it's because I'm gay. I think it's because of my personality. Shy, smart, sensitive. Yeah, I didn't get the genes I would have wanted, but I was still happy. Except for that social life problem. That didn't last very long. Oh no. And that's why I'm telling you this story. It's all about the new life that was practically handed to me. It's all about how I, Joshua Parker, became fabulous.
It was a normal Wednesday afternoon for me. I was lying in bed, listening to my Christina Aquilera CD. Wait, don't stop reading! I'm not that gay, alright? Really, I promise. Christina just kind of... well... soothes my soul, OK? She's a great singer. Anyway, back to the story, I was lying in bed, listening to my Christina Aquilera CD, singing along to Genie in a Bottle (yeah, yeah... shush you) when all of a sudden I heard a knock at the door.
"Come in!" I yelled.
The door opened and my best friend, Maria Lynn, walked in.
"Nice singing, Christina." She said, chuckling.
"Very funny," I said shaking my head, "Who knows, I could be the next American Idol."
Maria laughed and shook her head, "Hey listen, boy wonder, I can't stay very long. I just came to talk about the subject you've been avoiding for the past two weeks. Prom."
I groaned and covered my face up with a pillow. Maria and I were best friends and neither of us had dates. I loved her to death, but I hated prom. It was just a bunch of giggling girls with too much make-up. Not to mention the hot shot jocks.
Maria sighed and took a seat on my bed, "Come on, Joshua. I know you're not too fond of prom, but do it for me, please?"
"I already made a promise, and you know I never break promises." I smiled at her and she threw her arms around me, giving me little kisses on the cheek, "Thank you, thank you, thank you! You hot stud you!"
While she was attacking me with kisses and tickles, the door flew open, and in came Bobby. Bobby Paxton, the ladies man. Or so he thinks.
"Whoa there, kiddies! I thought you were a gay, Josh!"
Maria looked over at him, giving him a look of disgust, "Don't you ever knock? And jesus, Bobby, 'a gay?' Come on."
Bobby shrugged and launched himself on the bed, "Hey, it's my job to be unexpected! It's a guy thing, you know?" Bobby wiggled his eyebrows.
Maria shook her head and sighed, "Honestly Bobby, you try too hard."
Bobby immediately launched into guy talk, "Hey! I gatta date for prom! She's so hot! She's got one of those 'I don't give a care because I'm better than everyone else' attitudes!"
Maria nodded, acting like she was interested, "Gee, Bobby! I hope you didn't pay too much."
I chuckled at that. Maria was such a character. She was smart, witty, and very attractive. Like me, she wasn't very popular. I think it's because people were intimidated by her. Or maybe it was because she hung around me. No one knows I'm gay, except for Maria and Bobby.
"So, you two are going together?" Bobby asked, trying to strike a conversation.
Maria and I both nodded, smiling at each other. Maria was so awesome. If I had any interest in girls what so ever, Maria would definitely be the object of my affection.
"Oh hey," Bobby snapped, "You know Heather Bailey?"
We both nodded. Heather was extremely popular, and very attractive. Maria didn't think so. Maria was the type the despised anyone for degrading themselves, which is exactly what Heather Bailey did.
"She's bringing her cousin," he said, "And she says he's a top notch homo."
Maria slugged Bobby in the arm, "Jesus, Bobby! Show some respect, okay?"
"Her cousin is gay?!" I asked, extremely excited. This was so cool! Finally, I can communicate with another one of my kind!
"Yeah, man, and I heard he's rich as hell," Bobby said, wiggling his eyebrows, "Friday may be your lucky day, Josh!"
Maria grinned at me and patted my shoulder gently, "You handsome devil you."
I smiled and got out of my bed, running to my closet. What was I going to wear?
"What are you doing?" Maria asked.
"I need to find something to wear!" I yelled back.
Maria started laughing, "You're going to a prom, silly! You're going to wear a tux!"
"Oh yeah, I said, peeking my head out of my closet, blushing slightly. See what I said? Always looking out for me.
Just then the phone rang. Who could that be?
"Maria, can you get that for me please?" I asked.
"Sure," she said picking up the phone.
I roamed through my closet, looking at some of my clothes. All of them were kind of rugged. I was never a big fan of fashion or shopping. I was just kind of normal. I didn't fit into the gay stereotype at all.
My ears perked up when I heard Maria talk on the phone.
"Hello, this is Maria," she said in an exotic voice, "and thanks for calling Josh Parker's Funky Sex Shack of Erotica and Bondage!" She finished the glorious introduction with a loud moan. She started cracking up, then a look of fright came across her face.
"Oh, Mrs. Parker. Hello. Uhm... yeah. Joshua is right here, hold on, okay?"
I cracked up laughing, "Maria! What have you done?"
I walked over to the Maria and took the phone, "Hi, Mom. No. No, mother, I'm not doing any drugs. Yes, mother, I know. You told me the story a thousand times. Okay. Bye now." I hung up the phone and sighed, turning to Maria. She looked at me, grinning innocently.
"You're full of surprises, woman. So what are you wearing to prom?"
Maria shrugged, "I dunno. I haven't gone shopping yet. But you know me. It takes me 10 minutes, in and out. I don't take forever like most teenager girls."
Bobby let out a sigh, "Like Heather Bailey," he said dreamily, "what a babe."
Maria made fake barfing noises and went on about how Heather was a prime example of how young women shouldn't be. She loves expressing her opinion.
Bobby shook his head, "I think you're just jealous. Don't you think she's hot as hell, Josh?"
Maria and I glared over at Bobby.
Bobby blushed and shrugged, "Oops. Forgot. Heh.."