Date: Fri, 6 Feb 2009 17:24:08 +0000 From: Draiodoir Draiodoir Subject: Gay Male/High school/ Falling for a Straight Guy/ Chapter 8 PRELIMINARY NOTE FROM THE AUTHOR: This is the revised version of Falling for a Straight Guy that had been first published here in Nifty. This story depicts gay love a.k.a. love between two males. If you are not at the proper age to read this or if your place of residence considers reading this illegal, please leave if you want to. But if not, feel free to stick around and check out what I have cooked up. All rights reserved. This story is property of Fritz Ilagan. No one must copy, reprint or repost this story without any consent to the author, whole or in part, except if permitted by this site or the law. Situations in this story came from the experience of the writer and with imagination, change the names of people and places for privacy. Part fiction, part reality, hope you enjoy. Sex scenes are still undecided... WARNING: This chapter contains suicide. Please read my message at the end of the chaper regarding my views and message. Chapter 8: Consequence He ran away... away from the disappointed stares, incredulous whispers and taunting laughter. He wanted to escape and wake up from such a disturbing nightmare. David could not believe his greatest secret was now revealed... and now, everyone knows what he really is. 'A fraud!' a voice in his head shouted, making Dave jolt in his seat. Many passengers of the jeepney gave him looks of concern but none of them dared to talk to the crying teen. Dave ignored them... everything around him no longer mattered. Now that the people at school discovered his feelings for Daniel... it was only a matter of time before the news get to his sister and then... to his parents. A stream of silent tears dripped down to his lap. His head ached in anxiety, his chest pounded in fear... he felt as if his body was ceasing to function properly. He nearly missed his stop for his eyes were so blurry with tears. Dave walked slowly to the house his parents bought to serve as their family's sanctuary. Yet, as he climbed up his bed, fully cloth in his school uniform, never did Dave felt so unsafe. He felt exhausted... Dave never felt so tired in his life. Spending all day in his room crying drained his body and mind. He wanted to wrench out his heart because he could no longer bear the pain. Dave had never felt such agony... it was more than intangible emotions as he felt his heart hurt so much that he passed out. When he finally woke up, Dave knew the day was gone. The desk clock showed 7:35 p.m. Now that he had calmed down a bit, the rational part of Dave's mind started to work. He knew he need to face the school sooner rather than later. So many people were counting for his leadership, skills and intellect... the fund raiser that he needed to plan; the school paper he needed to finish; his teachers expecting him to be the top of the class; and his parents wanting to see the fruits of their investment. And even though the thought of seeing the whole school give him looks of disgust and disappointment scared Dave to the core, he knew he do not have a choice. David's mind just hoped that maybe some of the students would not forget all the things that he accomplished. Picking up his cell phone, Dave saw a few missed calls and text messages from Belinda and Paul. Anxiously, he started to read them. [SMS from Belinda: Dave, I thnk da gang wer jst shockd I was 2 but now I dnt reali thnk it's a big deal I guess da gang jst need tym Hope u r ok Luv u] [SMS from Paul 1/2: Man, was I surprsed But I dnt care I thnk of u as my bro so dnt even thnk Ill abndon u I dnt care f ur gay or bi or watever Take sum tym off I knw u nid it] [SMS from Paul 2/2: da hell w/ ur clubs Im stil hir Call me] His heart filled up as he read their messages, telling him that they do not think any less of him. He thought his eyes no longer have any but tears stung Dave's vision... he thought all his friends would hate him if they found out but Belinda and Paul understood. There was still hope. * * * Facing the school after the revelation of who he truly is did not go as smoothly as Dave thought. He tried to convince himself that as long as he had Belinda and Paul, he would be alright. But the taunting and snide comments were hasher than he could have ever imagined. It was as if all his accomplishments vanished in many students' mind. Being the president, editor-in-chief and honor student was no longer a description for Dave. He was now the ultimate deceiver... a manipulative player... a lying homo. Most of the gang did not look at Dave as he arrived at their usual spot every morning since the letter incident. If not only for Belinda's insistence, Dave would have drifted off the gang. Belinda and Paul tried their best efforts to engage everyone to normal conversations at recess time, lunch or after school but none of the others replied with interest. Except for Jemma. Jaypee's girlfriend gave Dave some apologizing looks whenever he caught her eyes. This gave Dave a renewed sense of hope that maybe time was what his friends really needed. Yet this hope was snuffed out immediately as a comment from a senior reached the gang's ears one morning a few days after the incident. "There he is! I can't believe we all fall for a phony! I can't believe we have a fairy for a president!" the girl whispered to her companion. The whisper was loud enough for anyone within a few feet to hear, which included a few underclassmen. "Yeah," the girl's friend replied. "If I was him, I'd transfer to another school. That would give all of us a break. Do you know that many schools now make fun of us just because of that faggot?" Paul stood up, looking murderous while he tried to break Belinda's grip. She grabbed his arm trying with all her might to stop him from getting suspended, as Paul started to move towards the talking girls clenching his fists. Dave just looked down to the ground, got up and walked towards their classroom. As he neared the staircase, Dave heard Paul shout to the gang, "What the hell is the matter with all of you?! Dave's our friend and he needs us right now! I can't believe you'll only sit and watch him get harassed--" "Oh it serves him right for lying to us! He never trusted us enough to tell us the truth... he wanted to handle it alone? Then let's see him handle this alone!" snarled Ferdinand to no one in particular. "I'm not going to waste my time to someone who doesn't even trust me!" Dave stopped on his tracks. He was partly hidden from view by a notice board though his friends' voices were quite unhindered. The stairs in front of him were empty. Silently, Dave stood there, immobile and waiting to finally know what his friends truly felt about him. Before Paul could respond to Ferdinand's statement, Dave heard Marcelo speak his mind. "You know why we're so angry with him? We're gay and we're supposed to be his friend. Who else could he talk to about these things if not us? Who would understand more than us?" Turning to his friends' direction, Dave peeked and saw that Marcelo was openly crying while most of the girls were also teary eyed. A stab of pain run through Dave's body, realizing that he was the reason why his friends were fighting against each other. "We feel so insulted because he didn't trust us enough to let us help him. He lied... he pretended to be someone he was not. And I'm sorry but I can't be friends with people like that." Paul just shook his head. The face that Dave saw was full with nothing but disappointment and sorrow. Paul finally broke free from Belinda's grip and started walking towards Dave's direction. Hurriedly turning away, Dave started ascending the stairs while ignoring some students who tried to get his attention with their slurs as he passed other classrooms. He hoped that if left ignored, everyone would grow tired of him and just move on. So far, it was not working. Classes felt weird. It was as if the teachers were ignoring David's "issues" but they gave him looks that totally erked him out. Some tried to bombard him with questions at first but Dave's expression and testy answers drew them away. He was half disappointed when he did not get expelled after he shouted to Mr. Davis when the P.E. teacher tried to counsel him. He felt like an outsider now more than ever. In the past, he had always felt different because Dave got more attention due to his work. But at least then, no one looked at him as if he has a disease. Now, it was impossible for him to walk in peace; it was as if he had a spotlight hovering over him wherever he go... and everyone was eager to watch him fall so they can kick him more. His classmates could no longer look him in the eyes, more so than to talk to him. Maybe they were afraid to be linked "to the gay president" as the gang also got their share of name calling because of their affiliation with Dave. But the most disturbing of all that was happening around him was Daniel's best efforts to avoid him. David never thought that Daniel would be capable of doing something as cruel as outing him to the whole school and not explain why. He tried approaching the guy but as if Dave was a plague, Daniel always go away as fast as he could. He only wanted an explanation... why did Daniel distribute the letter? Or if he was not the one who did, then how did the letter end up photocopied and distributed all around the campus? Dave stared around, his classmates were all idly chatting as they waited for the classes to start. He saw Daniel look at him briefly before returning to the book he was reading. Setting his jaw, Dave tried his best to stop himself from rushing towards the guy and punch the hell out of him. Instead, he sat down and prepared a speech in his mind for the newspaper meeting that afternoon. Daniel cannot avoid him forever and Dave was going to use all his remaining power as editor-in-chief to get some answers one way or another. * * * Yet, before David talk to Daniel, he had to face the student officers first that afternoon. As his officials walked in the headquarters one by one, Dave easily felt the tension in the air. His knees shook slightly and it was a good thing that he stood behind his desk. As everyone settled, Dave cleared his throat. "Good afternoon," said Dave in a tone that he hoped to crush the heavy atmosphere around them. "I just want to commend everyone with the efforts that you had contributed for our foundation week." Nobody commented to what the president said. Dave noticed some of his officers give some uncomfortable looks while some looked rather haughty towards him... as though waiting for him to screw up. "But as we all know... um..." Dave tried to continue. "We... still have to do another fundraiser to achieve our target budget. Does anyone have any ideas for--" "Is it true?" asked Brian Loran, a junior and one of the sergeant-at-arms. "Is that letter true? Is what they're saying about you true?" Dave stopped talking at once, his throat failing him. He looked at Brian. The look at the guy's eyes made Dave bit his tongue; it was as if the junior student was begging Dave to say that the letter about him and Daniel was a prank... a lie. He decided that if any confrontation with anyone occur, Dave would answer as truthfully as the situation would permit. Thus he breathed in deeply before answering the question with another question. "What exactly are they saying about me?" "That you're... um... gay," said Brian uncertainly. "I'm attracted to a guy," said Dave, trying with all his might to make his voice as normal as possible. "So... yes. I guess, I'm gay." His confirmation was greeted by shaking of heads and murmurs like "Oh my gosh". The defeat in Brian's face was so evident that at least everyone in the room mirrored his expression. "This guy that you like... is it Daniel Rodrigo?" asked Jessica. "So, I guess it's also true that the only reason he got in the Herald is because you like him." "Hey, now listen here!" Dave said loudly that everyone grew silent at once. "Daniel is a great writer and he deserves his place in the paper. In addition, I do not use my authority just so I can get to people's good graces." His outburst did nothing good as everyone gave Dave wary looks. It was as if they do not recognize the guy that was talking in front of them anymore. Most of the male officers looked as if nothing coming from David would be trust worthy. Dave would have given everything that he possessed just so he can evaporate on the spot. He would have welcomed a bullet to his head at that moment as everyone continued to stare at him silently. "Guys... it's still me," Dave said, his desperation trying to penetrate their minds. "I'm not changed or anything... you just found out something different about me. I'm still the same guy you voted--" "No... you're not the same guy," said Lucas. The look of hatred on the kid's face shocked Dave. "The guy we voted to lead us... the guy that we had chosen to be our president... wasn't you. We voted a decent student... and you failed to qualify." With that, Lucas marched out of the office. Then one by one, Dave watched frozen on his feet, as his officers walked out on him. Some looked back as though saying they do not know whom to believe or how to react. But others looked as though they will never come back to the office ever again. David fought so hard not to get consumed by his feelings for he still need to face another club in a few minutes. Yet, even how hard he tried, a tear escaped to his cheek as the last officer's back vanished, leaving Dave defeated again. It only took about five minutes before the first member of the Herald staff entered the office. Loraine looked nervous as she walked in, noticing that nobody else was there yet except Dave. She gave her editor a brief nod of acknowledgment then sat at a corner and busied herself with her cell phone. Dave just sighed and thought why he expected any better. The room gradually filled up as more student writers arrived. Yet, as David noticed, not one of them seemed to be able to look at him for more than a few seconds. They just sat and talked among each other or pretended to be busy rereading their articles. Fearing that another dramatic confrontation would follow, Dave stood up in front of his staff. The simple act drew everyone's attention to him. Dave opened his mouth but Daniel chose that moment to enter the room. "Sorry, I'm late," Daniel mumbled then walked to the farthest corner of the room, beside Jerry Belami, the cartoonist. Some people gave Daniel curious looks while others ignored his interruption. Heart beating fast, Dave took a deep breath to calm himself and started. "We are nearing our target and I want to congratulate all of you for this. A little bit more work and I know that this staff would produce a great publication. Though there are some things that might distract you, things that are happening in our school... I hope that everyone of you would still give their greatest effort and continue what we have started. This newspaper is not about one person thus I hope that even if you find yourself to be alone, you would still continue and finish the newspaper with all the talent that you possess. You know the drill guys. Let's get started..." Dave gave them a brave smile then turned his back from his writers as though trying to distance himself from them... trying to stop himself from infecting them with what was inside him. His presence no longer gave inspiration to them... he knew that. Movements behind him told Dave that everyone started to work on their articles and he silently thanked them for not asking any questions or demanding any explanations. He had trained them well... write first, ask later. Chancing a glance towards the farthest corner, Dave saw that Daniel was determined to avoid catching his eye. Knowing fully well that confronting the columnist in front of the whole staff would only make another hell of a scene, Dave decided to postpone the interrogation until the end of the meeting. Thus, the two of them exchanged nervous glances with each other, looking away whenever the other was about to get caught staring. But after an hour and a half, Dave's heart began to beat as though he just swallowed a horse race that got stuck in his chest. Most of the writers had already submitted their articles to him and left the room, making the office less packed. Then Daniel stood and walked toward him, a piece of paper clutched in his hand. There were still three other staffers in the office... Dave knew he needed to talk to Daniel now or he might not get another chance. "Here's my article," said Daniel, barely looking to David's face. "Can I talk to you... when everyone's gone?" Daniel appeared as though he would rather leave now but as he finally caught Dave's eyes, he could not stop the guilt that made him nod. "Ok." After a few minutes, Jerry handed his cartoon to Dave. He was the last staffer to submit his work and as he crossed the room, he gave Dave a simple smile, a silent sign of support. Dave could not help but return it. "See you tomorrow Dave," said Jerry then he turned and picked up his bag. Looking unsurprised that Daniel was still there, the cartoonist waved to him and bade goodbye. Dave put the articles to a folder then to a drawer where he knew Mrs. Veloso would be able to find them. Then, he turned and looked at the face he could not forget. The silence got broken by the single word that softly escaped from Dave's lips before he could stop himself. "Why?" Daniel jerked a little as though Dave just screamed at him. David's voice was so full of emotion that it sliced through the air... Daniel looked down to the floor. "I'm sorry Dave." Dave refused to believe what he was hearing... "Why did you do it? What did you have to gain?" asked Dave, his voice shaking with emotions. "I thought you were okay with it." By then, Daniel looked up, his face pale. "I didn't distribute the letter, Dave." "If it wasn't you then who did it? Who else could have had known about my letter?" Dave did not understand... if it was not Daniel then how come the guy before him looked as though he was about to cry in guilt? "I lost the letter Dave... I'm so sorry," Daniel whispered so low that it could have been just the wind blowing. "I'd put it in my math book but I misplaced it somewhere... I didn't know someone will do this if they found it..." Realization hit Dave like lightning bolt. He sat down on his chair, face hidden by his hands. Now he understood why Teresa and her friend gave him that knowing look... "Teresa... Teresa found your book," Dave muttered, merely suppressing a sob. "You left it in the library." Dave did not need to see the shocked expression Daniel had on his face. The guy knew Teresa Perez's reputation as an addicted bitch for gossip. "I'm sorry if I accused you," said Dave as the truth finally settled in. "It's just... you had the letter... I mean..." Something between the two of them was ripped apart... Dave could feel the damaged as though it was as real as the air they breathe. Yet, he did not want to believe this was the end... It took a few moments before he mustered to ask. "Are we still friends?" A deafening silence came after the question. Dave looked at Daniel, his eyes pleading but the guy was looking outside, staring at the beautiful rays of light due to the setting sun. "I'm sorry Dave... but maybe we shouldn't hang out with each other anymore. It would only make the situation worst if people see us together. Sorry." And without looking around, Daniel picked up his bag and left the room. David felt numb. Everything felt so far away from him... everything felt so unimportant as he looked at the place where Daniel's back vanished. Everything felt... nothing. "Dave?" He did not care who it was as the voice did not sound like the person he wanted to hear again. Dave packed his things, ignoring the two people who went inside the office. "Are you alright man?" asked another voice which sounded like Paul. "What do you want?" Dave turned and saw his friends. His voice was barely a whisper. It was as if all his strength left him completely just like his officers... his staffers... his friends... Daniel.... "We thought we can hang out... are you... you look tired Dave," said Belinda looking truly worried. "I just want to go home... yes, I'm tired. I'm just... really tired." Walking pass the two, Dave exited the office, without looking back and not knowing where he really wanted to go. * * * The darkness around him was so thick it felt as though he was lost in a void, where the world had neither beginning nor end. It should have scared anyone, anyone with hope in their hearts. But Dave had no reason to fear the darkness... he had no reason to hope... all he had was nothing. He ignored the sounds from without... they no longer concerned him. Even though he caught a word that sounded like his name being called, Dave did not care. He stopped caring when everyone ceased to care for him. The numbness he felt as beyond physical... his senses, paralyzed by the overwhelming grief, failed to function properly. Dave barely flinched when he cut the knife to his wrist. The blood creepily glided to his hand, soaking the white sheets of his bed. `This was the price...' he thought as a ray of light from the street lamps found a gap through the curtains. He lay immobile, staring to the nothingness. `No matter how talented... no matter how intelligent... it all meant nothing." Dave closed his eyes, praying that the darkness give him solace for once in his life. He did not know whether it was a dream, for he was in between losing his consciousness, when suddenly everything was illuminated with brilliant light. Dave remained still, his body too weak to comprehend what was happening around him. He can hear voices sounding urgent and panicked. Through his eyelids, Dave detected movements and as he open his eyes, tears ran down his cheeks. Blurred by tears, a face of a young man swam to his vision and a gently hand touched his cheeks. "Dave, hold on," said the voice, begging. "Please hold on... please..." The weakness was impossible to resist and as Dave succumb to unconsciousness, he knew something was wrong. The voice awakened something inside of him... a realization to the flaw of the plan. For the first time that night, David Garcia felt horror as he floated away in the darkness. Because no matter how much he tried, he could not go back to the light. `What have I done?' To be continued... AUTHOR'S NOTE: Hi guys! I want to apologize to some of you who thought this chapter would be posted much sooner than this. I guess I procrastinated a bit... I want to express that I do not advocate... again, DO NOT ADVOCATE suicide or any kind of conscious self-inflicted physical pain. I do not want to imply that suicide is the only thing one can do when faced with a great difficulty. I mean, if you have a problem, you can always do drugs or have unsafe sex but do not commit suicide! Ok guys, I'm joking about the drugs and sex thing... I'm just trying to relax the mood here... So, if I don't advocate it why did I use it in my story? Well, I want to tell the truth... that there are young people out there suffering and joins the SUICIDE STATISTICS SQUAD. Maybe not all gay teens kill themselves but this thing happen more than we know. I nearly became one of them at one point of my life... ok fine maybe more than one point. But the relevant point is that I just want to tell the world that many people out there needs help... that judging someone will never solve anything. You don't have a right to tell someone that he is a coward when you have no idea what he had been through. I want this story to remind people who had forgotten how hard it is to be young and lost, when you felt as though you have no place or people to turn to. Young people love, young people hurt... our age does not measure our capacity to be human. Most of all, I just want to say that you must never take anyone for granted. If someone says they will kill themselves, even if they said it as a joke, the possibility that they will do it is much higher than those who don't say it. I believe this world needs more heart than brain. Ok, enough melodrama. Though I would like to apologize if ever you got offended, stressed or any way harmed by this chapter. I'm so really sorry. >.< So... Dave's dead. Yes, I know it's sad but we can't do anything about it now. This is just how it turns out so don't bother bombarding me with emails requesting Dave's resurrection... Ok fine so I'm kidding. He's not dead... yet. So what do you think would happen next? Will Daniel rush to the hospital, crouch down in front of Dave's deathbed and proclaim his love? Or maybe that's too predictable? hehehe I guess you just have to wait and see if THAT would happen. So, until next time. Sorry this note got too long... I guess I'm just in a good mood... it's so weird because I just received a rejection letter from a publisher this morning hahaha I guess I'm going crazy. Thanks for the emails! Love you guys a lot! :P About the "reader" I mentioned last chapter... it was just one of life's lessons. Some things just don't work out the way we want them. I'm ok now... other's out there who wants to break my heart, go ahead the stores open. I realize if I want to be happy, I have to love for the sake of love... whatever that means. This story is still dedicated to Si and Deepy. Hari, sorry if I didn't let you edit this first... some guys just can't wait :l Always remember: keep away from pointy objects, drugs are NOT cool and always keep a condom handy. Until next time! Fritz D. Ilagan Email me: darkdraiodoir666@hotmail.com