Date: Sun, 10 Sep 2000 19:21:14 -0700 From: tcns@hotmail.com or strilo1@yahoo.com Subject: Falling In Love - Chapter 6 Falling in Love - Chapter 6 I opened the front door to my house and walked in, dropping my bag on the living room couch. I walked into the kitchen and checked the caller ID to see who'd called. Sure enough, Jake had already tried to call me. I picked up the cordless and dialed his number. As I was grabbing my bag and heading for my room, he answered. "Hello?" "Hi, you sure don't let me get in the door before you call," I teased. "Happy three month anniversary, if there is such a thing." "Yeah there is," he said, sounding a little strange. "What's wrong, Jake?" "Well I didn't see you much today cuz of that dumb field trip thing of yours." "Yeah well, believe me, I would rather have been at school. It was LAME! And we got back late too. Hey hang on, there's someone at the door." I walked to the door and opened it to see Keith standing there, looking uncomfortable. "Hey, bud what's up?" I said, motioning him in. "Hey Jake lemme call you back ok?" "OK sure," Jake said, sounding a bit disappointed. I would have to cheer him up later. I hung up the phone and turned to Keith, who had followed me into my room. "What's up?" "Not much... I dunno, I was walkin' by and thought I'd say hi." I arched an eyebrow. "You were walking by? My house is out of your way, Keith." "Well, you know... I mean, I was at Josh Nelson's house and then I went for a walk and stuff and here I am." It seemed like Keith needed to talk, but that maybe he was not ready or something, so I decided not to push. "Cool. Hey I am hungry, you want something?" "Naw I'm good." "OK well come with me then, fool," I said grinning and walking to the kitchen. I made myself something to eat while Keith and I chatted about this and that, not really talking about anything in depth. I bitched about the dumb field trip and he bitched about having to stay at school. We eventually made it to my room, where I checked my email and he watched. Finally I signed off and turned to him. "Keith, you ok man?" "Huh? Yeah..." "You just seem like you're somewhere else." "Well, I guess I am. Look, Todd, I came here for a reason. I... I wanna thank you, I guess." "For what?" "Well... you helped me take a big step... one that I needed to take, and I really appreciate it," he said with an odd look in his eyes. "I did? How so?" I asked, still lost. "OK well, lemme start at the beginning." He paused. "No, you know what? I'll just say it... I think I like guys." "You do?" "Yeah I mean... well, you know about those guys I fooled around with." "Yeah, yeah I do." "Well... I met someone. Someone like Jake is for you." "You DID?" I asked. "Yeah umm... Josh and I... Josh Nelson... we have been hanging out a lot and he kinda brought up the subject and said he had questioned relationships with girls. I started out as someone he trusted with that and then I figured what the hell. I had been thinking a lot about this ever since you told me and Shane and Aaron about you and I just kinda admitted to myself right then with Josh that I am... gay, or whatever. So I told him." "Wow when was this?" "Like two weeks after you told us. Anyway, so Josh and my time together changed once we had this out in the open. It was like, no more guards or walls, you know? So... anyway, I realized in the last few days that I really like him. I mean like... he makes me feel so different than any girl or anyone else ever has." "Hey man, that's great." "Yeah thanks, well... Today after school at his place I told him how I felt and he like..." Keith paused. "What?" "Well, he smiled, cried, hugged me and kissed me like all at once," Keith said blushing a little. I laughed. "Oh MAN that is so great." "Yeah well, I mean... it's really weird cuz his parents know about him." "Oh my god! Are they cool with it?"" "Yeah and he wants to tell them we're dating." "Oh my GOD he DOES?? Wow that's..... cool I guess... Geez I cannot believe he told them." "Yeah he said they were like 'That's nice son, we love you... anyway dinnertime.'" We both laughed a lot at this, then things sobered a bit. "You know," he finally spoke up. "I don't think my parents would react that way." "Yeah," I said, suddenly sober. "Neither would mine... I mean hello. Dad? Come on.... former pastor, church elder." "Yeah, yikes." "Mmmmm, there's no way I'll tell them until maybe, I dunno... after I move out to college or whatever." "Yeah me neither." We were both silent for a minute. I got up and idly picked up my jacket to hang it up. When I turned around, Keith was right behind me, and pulled me into a hug. "Thanks man... This all means a lot to me." "Hey you did it," I replied. "I just told you about me, that's all." "Yeah," he said, wiping his eyes and sniffling a bit. "But I mean, you made it easier." "It's all good, my friend." "Well... Mom prolly wants to know where I am. And I still have to go back to Josh's for my bag and stuff." "Yeah 'and stuff'," I laughed. "Hey now, we're good. Unlike you and your hussy Jake." "My hussy? Men have died for less," I said, deadpanned. "Yeth but I am not a man. I am a thilly fag," Keith said with an exaggerated lisp. My mouth dropped open in surprise, then I snapped out of it and laughed. "Sorry, Keith... That was a little surprising. I am not used to it from you yet." "Oh I know. It's Josh's fault. He corrupts my innocent little mind." "Heh, little is right," I said as we walked to the door. "What are you doing tomorrow?" he asked. "Well, sleeping in man... NO SCHOOL!" "Yeah duh, I mean after that. It's a Friday night, man." "I dunno we'll see. I'll call you?" "Sure thing, Todd." We said goodbye and he walked away as I closed the door. Wow, I thought to myself, that is something I did not expect to see. Keith has a new boyfriend and is happy... and is GAY. Wow. I mean, it should not have been that surprising after what he told me on the playground that one day, but it still knocked me for a loop. That's the way I am though. In the middle of it, in the conversation or whatever, I am totally cool, confident, unfazed, whatever. But afterwards, when I am alone... or with Jake... I let it out a bit more. I was really floored by this. Keith and I had been friends a long time, and I never even thought about this. "Oh shit," I thought out loud. "Jake..." I picked up the phone and called Jake back. "Sorry babe," I said when he answered. "You'll never guess what just happened." "What, is everything ok? Who was at the door?" Jake asked. "Yeah everything's fine. It was Keith." Jake listened as I filled him in on all that Keith had just told me, reacting surprised at times, chuckling a little here and there. As I listened to everything coming out of my mouth, it started to really sink in. Before I realized it, I was laying on my bed and was suddenly unable to stop tears from rolling down my face. "Oh my god, Todd, are you crying?" "Well, yeah... I dunno why... I feel so weird, Jake." "What do you mean, babe?" "I don't fucking know... I am just-" I stopped and wiped my eyes. "I don't know how to describe it. Do you ever feel like, I dunno. Like what the fuck are we doing, Jake?" Jake stayed silent until I gained enough ground on my thoughts to continue. "Like... I mean we are just going along thinking it's all good being gay and shit but then look... I mean, Keith did what he did because of ME. What is gonna happen now? I mean what if his parents freak out? What if MY parents freak out??? Fuck my Dad will NEVER understand. It's almost stupid for me to even THINK about being gay." "Todd... what are we supposed to do? Act like we're not?" "No that's not it, Jake... I dunno... FUCK I don't know. I guess I have not really been thinking of any of the consequences of my decisions and stuff lately. Like how the hell did I know I would make one of my friends come out and get a boyfriend and shit? Wow... it's just overwhelming. Cuz I mean I don't even know what to do with my own... with me being gay, let alone KEITH." "Yeah but Todd, it's not your problem, ok? Keith was gay on his own. He made his decisions with Josh and himself." "I know I know... but it's just," I could feel tears welling up again. "I am scared..." "Aww, Todd, honey... I am here," Jake said calmly. "No yer not, damnit... I wish you were," I said, crying openly now. "That can be remedied," he replied quickly. "Lemme grab my coat and I will be over." "Jake you don't have to," I said, trying to sound less upset, yet inside, hoping he was serious. "Yes I do," he replied simply. "I love you." I told him I loved him too and we hung up together. Really I had no idea why I was even upset. Upset seemed like too strong a word. More overwhelmed. I was so scared inside that I had chosen to do the wrong things. Scared that my choices would come around to bite me in the ass, and now I find that my choices have made someone close to me do something that might cause them harm someday. I could not help but feel I was a part of what Keith was doing in his life. But why is it so hard for me to accept that it is right for him when I found it so easy to accept that it is right for me? I suddenly realized that I had heard something. I sat up and heard a knock at the door. Could Jake be here already? I got up and walked out, opened the door and there he was. He came in and we walked to my room, closing the door. I sat down on my bed and tried to relax. I said nothing and Jake seemed satisfied to just sit on the edge of my bed silently for a bit. I reached up and pressed play on my cd player. We laid there listening to my older brother's favorite band. Finally I spoke up. "Jake do you ever question whether being gay is the right decision for you?" "Umm what do you mean?" "Like I mean... I dunno," I said, unsure. "I feel like I am supposed to do other stuff." "Other stuff... you lost me, Todd." "Look don't you ever feel like you are not supposed to be doing this? Like I don't know... I am supposed to go to college, meet a girl, graduate, get married and have kids. And like... even though I don't WANT that, I feel like I am... or WAS supposed to do that." "OK well that is what everyone assumes all guys want. It's like the standard or something." "OK well I know it's stupid, but I like... am sad or angry or whatever that I don't fucking GET that." I paused for a minute then realized that the song I was hearing in the background had a lyric that totally fit what I was feeling. "Here this, listen to this." "It's Pearl Jam... Black right?" "Yeah but listen to this line." We both listened to the song as the singer sang, "I know someday you'll have a beautiful life I know you'll be a star in somebody else's sky but why can't it be mine?" "See that's like how I feel right now." "Umm Todd this song is about a relationship breaking up. He's singing that to a girl." "So? It still means something to me. It's like he's me singing about the fucking stupid straight dream life that I'll never have. Someone else will have it and be happy but why can't it be me?" "Do you think you won't be happy? You'll find the dream life or whatever that is for you and will make you happy. Jesus Todd, just cuz yer not straight does not mean you won't be happy. Fuck I make you happy don't I?" I looked up at him. At that moment, sitting there looking in Jake's eyes, I realized he was right. Or rather, I knew it all along, but I calmed down enough to feel it inside. I grabbed Jake and pulled him down with me, wrapping myself around him. I cried as I held him close. "Yes," I whispered. "You make me happy. Thank you so much for coming over." "Of course. I love you, why would I stay home when you need me?" "I don't know." Jake just smiled, looked me in the eyes and began to kiss me. The kiss was to comfort at first, then slowly became more and more of the love that was between us. As tenderly as it began, the kiss ended. Jakes soft brown eyes gazed at me. As I stared into them, I seemed to lose my frustration and confusion. I smiled. "Todd?" "Yeah?" "Come spend the night with me." "Tonight?" I asked. "Yeah, Dad left this morning for Cincinnati and Mom will be watching the movies she rented and then going to bed, so it will be pretty laid back and quiet." "Hmm... lemme call Mom." I called my mother's cel phone and asked her if it was ok. She said yes, so Jake and I threw a few things together and headed over to his place. We helped Jake's mom make dinner and then chatted with her and Jake's little brother Mike while we all ate. As Mike, Jake and I cleaned off the table and put the dishes away, Jake's mom asked us if we wanted to watch one of the movies she had rented. "I can never watch these cuz I cannot get your father to sit down long enough." We all laughed. "So what to you two have planned that is more important than watching Sleepy Hollow with your Mother? Or your friend's mother as the case may be." "Well actually, we have a school project we need to start on," Jake said. "Oh ok well, that works. Speaking of school projects," she whirled around to face Mike who suddenly seemed to be trying to blend in with the wall. "You, young man. I got a call from your teacher today. Seems we been having a little problem with turning in homework?" "Well, I guess... I... I don't know," Mike said sheepishly, looking from Jake to me and then back to his mother. "You have. Just say `Yes Mom I have.'" "Yes Mom I have," Mike said, deadly serious and embarrassed. Jake and I tried not to snicker. "So what you are going to do, Michael Edward, is go to your room, get your books and bring them out so you can sit in the kitchen and do all your homework where I can keep an eye on you." "Awww mom..." "Now." As Mike sulked off to his room, Jake told his mom to have fun with her movie and he and I headed off to his room. I closed the door. "So when you guys get in trouble, your mom calls you your full name too?" "Yeah," Jake laughed. "How many times have I heard `Jacob Patrick, blah blah blah?'" I laughed. "Jake you have the cutest name, I swear." "Yeah whatever." As I turned to lock the door, I asked Jake about this school project we had to work on. "Oh that, well... see it's for my Health class," he said grinning. "Hmm ok well, it has been two years since I had sophomore Health, seeing as I am a SENIOR and all, so you'll have to refresh my memory." "Well, I have to do a lot of research." He said, pushing me against his closed bedroom door. "I'm beginning to get an idea about the research fo--" Jake dismissed my words with a sudden kiss, surprising me at first. I relaxed and let us explore each other. We slowly moved from the door over to Jake's bed, shedding shoes and socks along the way. It felt to me as if all the emotion of the day was channeling back out as love and affection for Jake as I motioned for him to lay face down. Straddling his waist, I pulled his shirt off and began to rub the tense muscles of his back. As I worked the knots from the places he usually gets tense, I felt as if the closeness with him was enveloping me. The touch of my lips gradually replaced my hands on his skin as I kissed his neck and gently rolled him over to face me. His hands found the hem of my shirt and, in one graceful motion, pulled it over my head and sent it to the floor. Free now, his hands explored my upper body, pausing to work out a tense muscle here, teasing my nipple there. All the while, we continued to kiss tenderly. Gradually as our passion continued, the remaining clothes joined our shirts on the floor as Jakes pulled the covers over us. Before Jake could move, I turned to lay facing his side, laying my arm and leg over him and kissing his neck. Whispered "I Love You's" were the last thing spoken as we drifted off to sleep, the closeness saying far more than words or sex could have. *************************************** Once again, this chapter took a long time. I have found that in order to write on Falling in Love I have to be in a certain frame of mind. With the way my life has been going in the recent past, this mood was rare indeed. Ahh, well. It is so much fun to write and these characters seem to have a mind of their own, much like the reali life people they are based on. Anyways I hope you enjoyed this chapter, it was fun to write. For those of you who remember the previous Chapter 6 that was here, I decided to pull it a while back because I just did not feel it flowed well with the rest of the story. I decided to complete another idea and will maybe use that now "lost" chapter somewhere else. So once again, I am happy with the story and where it is going. Thanks so much for reading and please feel free to email me with any questions or comments at tcns@hotmail.com or strilo1@yahoo.com.