Date: Mon, 06 Feb 2006 15:35:48 -0700 From: Samuel Forte' III Subject: finding andrew-chapter 17 ** This story is a true story, telling of people and events that have taken place in the last three to four years. I have the consent of the others who are involved to use them, but no last names will be used for privacy reasons. This story will focus around two people as they stumble upon each during high school and find themselves falling for one another. They are able to survive the trials, tribulations, and difficulties that are thrown at them and from each other until everything comes to an abrupt end...All rights to this story are mine (lol well it is based on MY experiences) so no copying or publishing without my consent!** Finding Andrew Chapter 17 - Another Trip to the Hospital As I stepped through the front door, a wave of emotions hit me. I kind of found everything moving in slow motion around me. I could hear everyone talking, but it seemed like they were so far away. I made my way through the house and made my way upstairs to Andrew's room. Once I got there, everything started to make sense. On the floor was an open bottle of pills...I don't think I need to spell it out for you. I sat down asking myself the most logical question I could think of at the moment: Why? I knew that he wasn't exactly thrilled with being at home, but it looked like he had support there...at least from his brother and dad. He seemed to be doing perfectly fine. Thinking back on previous conversations, I didn't see any signs or hints at it. It just didn't make any sense. Jason broke my train of thought before I started to think too much about it. "It's looking like today is going to be a long one." I nodded as he leaned against the door. "Jason, why did he do it? Doesn't he know that we care about him?" The anger could be sensed in voice as he took his time to come up with an answer. "I don't really think he realizes how much all of us care. Obviously you do a lot as do the rest of us. Mom may act like she doesn't at times, but deep down in there, she still cares for her little baby. I just hope that whatever it is we aren't doing, we get a second try at it." "I just don't get it though. I can't really think of any reason for him to do this. Usually if he has a problem he'll come and talk to me..." I stopped mid-sentence as I saw a flash of pain appear on his face. I understood instantly. "Why doesn't he talk to you?" Leave it to me to ask the obvious question that I know he didn't have the answer for. "I dunno. After I dropped you off from seeing Spiderman, we had a long chat. I know that I tend to get wrapped up in my own life at times, but I've always tried to be there for him. Once he got to middle school, he started to shut me out. I never knew why and still don't today. I always try to involve myself in what's he doing. He just hasn't let me in really. I don't know how many times I can tell him that he can trust me." We sat in silence for a few minutes realizing that the house was empty except for us. We both got in our respective cars and headed for the hospital. Once we got there, it didn't take long to find out what was going on. They were sitting in the emergency room waiting area and look much more relieved. I took that as a good sign as I smiled widely inside. Their dad asked if he could have a word with me in the hallway. I agreed knowing I didn't really have a choice anyway. We stepped into an empty hallway. "I'm sorry that you got dragged into this, but I think there is something about him you should know." I gave him a questioning look because I didn't really follow where he was going with this. "I don't really get what you mean, sir." "Let me start from the beginning. When Andrew was born, he had a very weak heart (I don't remember the name of the disease/sickness). We almost lost him in those first days, but we were damn happy that he made it through. The doctors let us know that it was going to be something that he was going to have to live with all his life. It's something that we refused to tell him because we know that he can be real sensitive about stuff. I don't want him to have to live in fear of something that he really has little control over. I think that's the best way." "I see. So the pills..." "Yes. His stomach was pumped in time so he'll be fine. If they hadn't got them out when they did, it would have been fatal. With how weak his heart is, he had less than a fighter's chance." The words rung in my head as I looked at the big picture. He was a very active guy and I know that he would hate being forced to slowdown. He was full of energy, and being forced to hold it in was a change I don't think he would have been able to make. We talked about a couple of other things concerning Andrew for what turned out to be around an hour. It was starting to near an end when the unavoidable topic had to come up. "Sam, I owe you an apology." "An apology? I don't think..." "Yes I do. I should have never blown up on either of you. I just got caught up in the moment and all of the news was a bit much to process at the time. Besides, that isn't anyway for me to treat a future son-in-law now is it?" I blushed heavily at the comment as he pulled me into his shoulder and let out a little chuckle. If I wasn't nervous in the beginning there was no way I wasn't anymore. Thankfully a doctor popped out to say that he was awake. When I was asked if I wanted to see him first, I nearly jumped at the chance. BUT, I did realize that his family had that first right and took my turn in line. After about fifteen minutes, the parents were back in the waiting room. His mom was still shooting me evil glares as I did the best I could to avoid looking back. A few minutes later, Jason got my attention as he showed me to the room. He left me alone as I slowly made my way to his bed. "Sam, how are you?" He weakly struggled out. I figured that they gave him some meds to ease the pain and that his long sleep probably was still effecting him. "That doesn't matter. How do you feel?" "Other than the fact that I'm here, I feel great." He really looked out of it and I was able to keep my composure and try to have a meaningful conversation. "I guess I can be happy with that answer. I'm just happy you're still here." "Why?" "WHY?" I yelled a little louder than expected. "Because I care about you. Just like your family cares about you." "They don't care..." "Shut up and listen to yourself. They don't care, yet they're here for you. Your brother just broke down because he felt bad that you don't let him into your life. Your dad just about cried and you know how your mom is about her little baby. They care about you. They love you...just like I do." Andrew's eyes shot open as he stared back at me. It wasn't like what I said wasn't true. It was surprising that it actually came out. I'm not actually the type of guy that expresses everything that I think. I tend to keep the more serious thoughts to myself. "You do?" "Of course I do. If I didn't, I would have went off to school. If I didn't, we wouldn't be together today. Through everything I've stood by your side and it won't change. You helped me overcome some of the biggest fears in my life (I obviously was referring back to DJ) and I owe you that in return." "You don't owe me anything..." "You're right. I want to." It was a very awkward moment as we just sat there. Everything that I could have possibly said about "us" was out there. No more holding back my feelings. Funny how when you feel like someone is gone, that always seems to happen. You just want the person to know how much they mean to you. I think that's a mistake that people make too much these days. Everybody takes stuff for granted. People, friends, boyfriends/girlfriends. You have to appreciate what you have while it's still there. Nothing is forever. I felt really bad when I got to the house that day. When they took him away, I was scared it would be the last time I ever saw him. That was something I wasn't really prepared for...then again, you can never really prepare for that. I left that day feeling really good about myself. We talked a little longer and I left feeling really good about things between us. He would only have to stay there for a few more days so they could run some more tests and monitor him to make sure he would be fine. I had those next two days off and pretty much camped out in his room. I brought along a few movies for us to watch to help pass the time. Once he was out, things returned to normal. His mom still didn't like me, but she did try to patch up her relationship with Andrew. I could live with that. Things seemed better from the outside. He did have to go to a few therapy sessions, but I was happy with that. He was going to have to learn to let the rest of us be trusted...or at the very least, Jason and myself. Thankfully, they both talked a lot more. I laughed a few times about it, since I was put on hold on occasions so they could finish a conversation. I didn't mind that at all. That's what a big brother is there for. I have to play that role for my sister, so I know what you have to do...and also how much it is appreciated. Before I move into the start of the new school year, I'll throw in this little car ride that took place in early August. I'm sure I failed to mention it earlier, but I listen to almost any kind of music. My favorite genre is by far alternative/punk rock. Or we can go with rock in general. I play a lot of video games and in the soundtrack on Madden `04 was a song called Way Away. It was a really catchy song and I saw that the group who made it was Yellowcard. So, one day I decided to head to Best Buy and buy the cd (Ocean Avenue...I'm sure some have heard of that song lol) to check the rest of their songs out. By FAR the best music decision I ever made. I've fell in love with this group and am now a loyal follower. I bought their two previous cd's (they go back further, but I like the current group more) by the group and their latest one, Lights and Sounds (can't help but plug them in), when it came out two weeks ago. If you can't tell, I really like these guys a lot. They seem to have a song for every possible situation or feeling that you could ever have in your life. Not too many groups can do that, but they pull it off very well. Oops, almost forgot about the car ride. At first, Andrew didn't really like them. He wasn't left with much of a choice because that was the main cd I listened to so they grew on him. We were driving back from Denver after wrestling that night. We were both exhausted, so there wasn't much talking going on. I would have thought he was sleep, but he was constantly moving in the seat. The OA cd was playing through when one of my favorite songs started to play. After the song was over Andrew burst into tears which really caught me by surprise. After finally getting him to calm down, he explained why...but first let me give you the lyrics to the song: Only One by Yellowcard Broken this fragile thing now And I can't I can't pick up the pieces And I've thrown my words all around But I can't I can't give you a reason I feel so broken up (so broken up) And I give up (I give up) I just want to tell so you know Here I go Scream my lungs out And try to get you You are my only one I let go There's just no one Who gets me like you do You are my only, my only one Made my mistakes, let you down And I can't I can't hold on for too long Led my whole life in the ground And I can't I can't get up when you're gone Something's breaking up (breaking up) I feel like giving up (like giving up) I won't walk out until you know Here I go Scream my lungs out And try to get you You are my only one I let go There's just no one Who gets me like you do You are my only, my only one Here I go So dishonestly Leave a note For you my only one And I know You can see right through me So let me go And you will find someone Here I go Scream my lungs out And try to get you You are my only one I let go There's just no one No one like you You are my only, my only one, my only one, my only one, my only one You are my only, my only one As you can see, it's a very touchy song. Definitely worth listening to. This song has many different meanings to different people. In my case it has many which you'll see later. Back to the car. "I'm so sorry, Sam." "Don't be sorry. Of course I don't get why you just started letting the water flow either." "I feel bad." He said with tears still coming through his eyes. I pulled off the highway and ended up cutting the car off once we reached a secluded place. "Feel bad about what?" "The song summed us up. Both times I broke up with you, I didn't even take into account your feelings. I can't believe I was so dumb to try to let you go. I love you so much." He reached over and pulled into the tightest hug I think I've ever been in. He really was cutting off the circulation, but I could still see that he was a little shaken up. I understood what he was saying, but it still was a little sudden the way things just happened at that moment. "The past is behind us. As long as we have each other..." "That's all we need." He said finishing off my sentence. I smiled as he finally released the hug. "You know, he really does have a point in this song." "And what's that?" "You are my only one. I don't think I'll ever be happy with anyone else...ever." He blushed a deep shade of red as I gave him a peck on the cheek. "This will be our song. No matter what happens, I'll always feel this way about you." "Same here, Sam." We sat in silence staring at each other. It was getting late though, so I knew I had to get him home. I reluctantly started up the car and got back on the highway. Things were back on the up and up. School starting in two weeks would make for a few interesting events. For one, someone found out about Andrew so the rumors were starting at football practices for him. He didn't need that especially after he went into the hospital earlier that summer. Thanks to some convincing from Jason, his parents ended up switching him to another school. He ended up going to Palmer which was downtown. On his behalf, I ended up speaking with one of the counselors to explain his situation. He was fortunate to get Justin in almost all of his classes at my request. We both still talked to him (and don't forget wrestling) so it wasn't like him going to a different school caused our friendship to weaken. I was fully getting into my new job at EB Games. I was just promoted to 3rd key (from part-time) so I was busy with work all week. And, due to my parents nagging (I regret it today still), I ended up going to Pikes Peak Community College. I really wanted to go to a different school in the city, but I wasn't able to have much say due to a few circumstances that I won't get into. The routine was pretty normal for me. Get up early (6 am) to take my sister to school. After I dropped her off, I would pick up Andrew and take him downtown to school. Finally, I would head across town to school. The rides with Andrew were really the only times I could hang out with him in private. After school, I would work the closing shift (1-9) and shut down the store. After that, I would meet everybody up in Denver for wrestling. I was getting there near the end of the show, so my match was usually within the half hour. After that, it was time to head back home and I'd usually get back around midnight. Eat, do homework, shower and lay down for bed around two. Very busy, and it eventually caused me to break down...which looking back at it, was a blessing in disguise...we'll get to that in a minute. Things went like this until late October rolled around. I was informed that I would be transferred to a new store which I wasn't too thrilled about. I was used to the guys I was working with, but you know how life works. I ended up moving to the new store on November 1st, a few days before I turned nineteen. I would get my birthday off which was a big plus. Other than wrestling, I would get to spend the whole day with Andrew. I was really looking forward to that. Those days were few and far in between. We did talk a lot over the weekends, but I usually worked. His dad was nice and would bring him up there to visit a few times. Most of the time, he would drop him off as he did some shopping with his wife. So the first day at the new store was interesting. The whole staff was working and I got to meet everyone. I was surprised to see I wasn't the youngest. The manager was Angela, assistant was CJ, and Paul and Chris were both part timers. I got along with everyone, but grew closer to Chris. The others were in their mid-20's so it was no surprise. Chris was seventeen so that was a given. I found out that he was a worker from the Broadmoor store. I never had been there for whatever reason, but that would change within the month. I was never out to my co-workers and I decided to just keep it to myself for the time being. The next day, I was feeling extremely tired. I felt it when I woke up, but figured that it would go away. It never did though. I managed to deal with it all day and figured that if I could make it through wrestling that night, I'd be fine. I had three days off from everything so I wasn't too concerned. Probably just chronic fatigue. I was in the main event match and things started to get worse. As the match wore on, my head started to pound. I managed through it, but other things started to happen. My vision became blurry and I felt light headed. After I pulled off a move that took lots of energy, I crawled to the nearest corner to try and pull myself up. I barely had the energy to pull myself up, let alone concentrate on it. The last thing I felt was a searing pain in my head as everything went black. I awoke to find myself in a very familiar building. I shook my head as I quickly realized that I was in a hospital. I looked around to find my family looking back. I could hardly talk because my mouth wouldn't seem to move. Thankfully, the doctor pulled them outside before they could start the barrage of questions. My mom insisted on staying overnight with me, but for whatever reason, that wasn't allowed. She was going to worry either way, but at least she wouldn't bring me down anymore than I already felt. I'm sure I could do that on my own. Not to be mean or anything, but when I'm in the hospital, I like to keep to myself. It gives me time to reflect on stuff and gives me a little peace and quiet. Something I hardly ever get in my normal routine. The doctor came back to explain what happened. I had passed out and was unconscious for awhile. He asked me questions, but I really had no memory of what happened at that moment. He left and I was stuck alone. I looked down and felt the pain in my neck as my head strained to move. No blood, no casts, not bad at all. Just feel really sore everywhere. Andrew and and his family (minus mom of course) came in the room not too long after. Andrew looked like a nervous wreck. I could imagine me being the same if the roles were reversed. Seemed like I gave everyone quite a scare for that matter. They didn't stay long, since visitors weren't allowed after 10pm. I had to stay overnight and did my best to get a good night's sleep. That is not the most comforting place in the world for me. Not like being in the hospital is a good thing. Other than having a kid, I can't think of a great reason to be there (well maybe the pharmacy). I awoke and nearly pissed myself as I saw someone standing over me. It was the last person I had ever expected to see. "Long time, no see." Mario said looking down with a grin. "Good to see you're doing better." "And what brings you here?" My voice sound a little scratchy, but I paid it no attention. "Just thought I'd see how you were doing. I heard about what happened." His brother must have told him since he wasn't there at wrestling that night. "Thanks, I guess." I wasn't really happy to see him. This guy had went without acknowledging my existence for a lonnnng time. It was hard to be happy about him talking to me. "You guess huh? I thought you were going to always be there for me?" "I didn't think you would be an ass and just cut all ties with me either." "Well it's hard to see you with Andrew..." "Deal with it. If you were really my friend, it wouldn't matter. You would just want me to be happy." "Well I think that I can..." "Don't even say it. I don't want to hear your weak excuses. Better yet just leave. I don't want to talk to you." "Umm, actually I really need to tell you something...it has to do with Andrew." I stared at him just pleading for him to go. He didn't and ended up going on. "Umm, I know you're going to be mad about this..." "I'm in a hospital bed. What's the worst I can do?" I asked sarcastically. "You'll be really mad over this." "Did you get in a fight with him?" "No." He blushed as he said it. Yea, I took a cheap shot and I couldn't help it. "Well the two of you didn't have sex did you?" "No!" A deeper blush this time. "Well what then? You two have a kid together or something?" "Shut the hell up and listen! Damn, why do you have to be like this! You want to know that bad huh? THAT DAMN BAD? Fine, I was the one that got Andrew depressed enough to..." He trailed off and just stood there. I turned away in fear of what I might do. Looking at him wasn't going to help matters. I wanted to tear his head off then and there. Never in my life could I ever see someone snooping to that low of a low. Even Mario... At first I laughed. I tried laughing to just let the pain go away and tell him to get the hell out of there. Something in me snapped and even in my fatigued state, I lunged out of the bed and started to choke up. The IV snapped out of my arm as that pain didn't even register. Luckily for him, the IV coming out caused a beeping signal to go out to the nursing desk. A lady came in and called for help as she tried to pull me off. Eventually a few more came in and they were able to get me off. Mario sat in the corner gasping for air as I was able to yell my hatred for his existence as he gathered himself and rushed to leave. Needless to say, there was no way that I could even look at him without the anger starting to build up. THAT is something you just don't get over in a few days. Once an asshole, always an true asshole. After all the commotion. I got a new IV and was back under control. It did make sense now that I thought about it. Andrew always avoided explaining the whole situation. He left out a few things, but I never pushed him about them. It's a good thing, otherwise who knows what would have happened. I ended up getting released that day and cut off all calls from everyone. The weird thing was that they couldn't tell me why I was feeling as bad as I was. My vitals were fine, no internal damage anywhere, and I wasn't dehydrated. Weird stuff. I went to sleep early that night after a brief explanation to my parents of why I was in the hospital in the first place. I woke up the day next day feeling a little better. It was the day before my birthday, and I was looking forward to a day out of class. I picked up Andrew during his lunch so that we could talk. Before we even got out the parking lot, I got a call on my cell phone. He picked up the phone and answered for me. He gave it to me with a serious look on his face. "Hello?" "Hi, Sam. This is Dr. Scott from the Evans hospital. I need you to come by as soon as you can. I need to speak with you. It's very urgent." I rolled my eyes as I hung up the phone. Figures that I finally get to hang out with Andrew and then this happens. He agreed to go with me so we headed over there. We got there within twenty minutes, and got directions to his office. When we got there he seemed very distracted. "Hey doc." "Didn't think you would actually come here this fast. Are your parents with you?" "No, why?" "Well this is something they might want to hear too. Who is your friend?" "This is Andrew, my best friend. What's the problem?" "Andrew, you might want to wait outside. This is very personal information." He nodded, but I grabbed his arm before he could get out the door. "Whatever it is, he can hear too. Whatever it is can't really be this serious. Just tell us." He paced back and forth as he seemed to be thinking through his words. "Well the two of you should sit down for starters." We sat as he continued to pace. "Sam, we found your problem. The thing is I don't know if it's something that we'll be able to control." "Control? Do I have a virus?" "Well technically you do." "Ok. That isn't that bad, I had a few when I was younger..." "This is much more serious than that. When we ran the test we found something very bad...I don't really know how to say this so I'm just going to spit it out. We've found that you have an active case of brain cancer..." Whatever else he said was tuned out. I knew that it ran in the family (both sides unfortunately), but I never figured I would get it at eighteen. He ended up explaining the situation and what would need to be done to keep it under control. I knew how it worked (cancer in general) since I had written a few reports on it for science during high school. Actually knowing how it worked made it even worse. It was the quietest ride home I've ever had with Andrew. Neither of us knew what to say. And what do I tell my parents? My job? School? I dropped him off and headed straight home. I ended up sleeping most of the day as I feared and dreaded my future. I wasn't dumb. I knew that more than likely it would get me before something else did. Well if I didn't know that I was living with a clock over my head, it really was emphasized now... ***************************************************************************** Usually Sam would leave some type of message here for you guys, but he isn't able to at the moment. He had an accident Saturday, he's in the hospital, and I don't know how long it will be until he'll be released. I relay the message he's doing fine and he says not to worry. He also says that the next chapter will be released near the end of the week. Talking to him on the phone today, he really has been under severe stress the last few weeks. I don't know if he will share it with you guys, but hopefully he can get stuff together. I also see he has a lot of fans of this since I have the password to his email. Nice to see that his work is not going unnoticed. Take it easy Sam and I'll call tomorrow. Justin Chapter 18: 19th Birthday and Meeting Tim