Finding Love: A Journey
(Copyright 2007 by the author)
Disclaimer: This is a fictional story dealing with love and consensual sexual
activities between males. If you are not of legal age, reside in an area where
viewing such material is illegal, or are offended by homosexuality and/or
homosexual themes, leave this site now.
The characters in this story do not always practice safe sex. Remember this is fiction. You should always use a condom for the your protection and especially for the protection of the one you love. The author recommends only safe sex. Be wise and follow safe sex practices.
Several songs are quoted in this story. The copyrights to these are held by the artists or their publishers and not by the author. They are quoted as a tribute to the artist and the piece.
All persons in this story are fictional and any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental.
All other disclaimers apply. The author retains all rights. No reproductions
are allowed without the author's consent. Comments are appreciated at...
"What did she say?" asked an anxious Brad as I returned to the booth and sat down. Tim and Todd looked at me, concern etched on their faces.
"She says, okay, but with some rules. You may not like them, and if you don't, I guess it's Holiday Inn."
"Rules?" asked Todd.
Tim moved closer to Todd and smiled. Brad was looking at me, wondering, I think, if our time together had been taken away by the "rules".
"Here's what she said. You can spend a few hours together, but you can't sleep together. In the morning, early, we all have to work in the yard and help in the kitchen. Then it's breakfast, showers, and church. That's what she requires of us."
"Was she angry?" asked Todd.
"Not until I made a wise-ass remark about my father not knowing that I had three guys sleep over. She let me have it with both barrels. I apologized and she seemed okay after that. But we've got to roll because she wants us back at the house where she's waiting to meet Tim."
Tim paled, and sputtered, "Why me? I bet she won't like me. I know I'm screwed."
"No, you won't be screwed, Tim. I'll see to that. Sadie's a charmer and so are you. I bet she likes you a lot," Todd say smiling.
"Probably not as much as you do, Todd," Brad teased.
Todd glared at Brad and returned the jab, and emphatically said, "I'll say it here because I would never say it in front of Sadie. Fuck you, Mason."
With a big laugh and a poke in the arm, Brad's retort ended the exchange,
"Not on your life, lover boy. There's only one guy who will ever do that to me, and it's Jake. And right now we have an understanding about that."
"Right!" I exclaimed, "Now let's get going."
We all piled into the Mustang
with Tim and Todd in the back; Brad driving and me as copilot.
There was a great deal of unromantic whispering from the back. I
wondered if the two Romeos were hatching some plan to spend more
than a couple of hours together. I smiled, thinking that I would
certainly be involved in that type of plan if the rule pertained to
Brad and me. Brad broke our silence when he said,
"I hope this doesn't tarnish Sadie's opinion of me, Jake. I like her a lot and it's important to me that she likes me. It would be a disaster if she somehow blamed me for all of this."
"I told her it was your idea."
"You what?" he demanded.
"Just kidding, Sweetheart. She knows that it is all my idea, and if she's gonna be pissed at anyone it will be at me. She's gonna love Tim, the handsome, polite, quiet guy. Bet she likes him before he gets five words out of his mouth. She's a fast take on people. She'll see immediately that Tim is a great guy."
"Where do you think she'll put the two of them?"
"Very near your room, I guess. But to tell the truth, I'm not sure what her plans are for any of us," I said.
`I don't particularly like the sound of that, not one bit," said Brad.
"Not to worry, Lover, I will be sure that we spend the night together in our bed. You can count on that. She already knows about us, and although she isn't happy about the sex stuff, she accepts it with some limitations. The major one is anal sex, and we already have a solid agreement about that, so don't fret, Brad. She loves you almost as much as she loves me. Hell, sometimes I think she loves you just a little more than me."
"Sweet!" said Brad.
As we approached the house and Brad slowed for the gate and then into the garage. Tim's head appeared between the two front seats. He looked a little pale. He coughed and then cleared his voice,
"I want you all to know that I am scared shitless. I'm sweating and my palms are clammy. I feel as if I'm gonna be sick."
"Don't you dare puke in my car, Tim. I'll be all over you if you do,"warned Brad.
I looked at Brad, smiled and reminded him,
"If you are going to be all over anyone, Cutie, it had better be me. Understand?"
"And stay off my boyfriend," said Todd.
"What did you just say?" asked a rejuvenated Tim.
"Huh?" asked Todd.
"What did you just call me?"
"I don't remember, maybe hawtie."
"Oh, well, if that's the case, Brad could you take me home."
"Wait just one fuckin' minute. You're not going anywhere. I'm sorry for the humor. I called you my boyfriend because that's what I want you to be. Will you agree to be my boyfriend?" asked a repentant Todd.
Brad and I remained silent, but we had to work hard to contain our laughter. It just didn't seem to be the moment where laughter would help. We were out of the Mustang now and Tim walked away from Todd, turned and said,
"I'm gonna have to think about it."
"What?" asked a dismayed Todd.
He looked down quickly at his feet, and I knew he was fighting back tears. Unfortunately, Tim didn't realize how much his comment, made in jest, would hurt Todd. I decided I would interject myself again into their budding relationship.
"Well, Tim, have you reached a conclusion, `cause Todd is really hurting. I think he deserves an answer, the quicker the better."
Brad was cringing as I spoke. I think I may have gone a little overboard since there was no friendliness in his smile because there was no smile.
"My good God! Todd, I'm sorry. Forgive me, please. Of course, I want to be your boyfriend. I'm falling in love with you; actually, I think I am in love with you already. Will you forgive my stupid attempt at humor? It was a silly-assed mistake?" said Tim.
Todd practically flew across the space separating him from Tim, and in a moment, they were locked in an embrace. Brad and I kept quiet and let the two of them enjoy the moment. Todd spoke loudly enough so that we could hear,
"I was scared to death, Tim. I thought you had decided that you didn't want to be my boyfriend. I don't think I could have handled it, not after what happened to me earlier today. Tim, I know I love you. Please stay with me."
As tears ran down his face, Tim said,
"I will stay with you until you tell me to leave. I would leave, Todd, but I think it would kill me. Just hold me, please."
They embraced again, and shared another powerful kiss. I knew we had to get into the house as Sadie was waiting.
"Guys, I hate to interrupt you, but Sadie is waiting. I think we should move it. I hadn't closed the garage door yet, and Brad was standing there looking out at the sky."
"Look at that moon, Jake. It's a lover's moon. It think we are all under its spell. Come here and look at it with me, please."
I went over and stood beside Brad. The moon was beautiful. As we stood there, he took my hand in his, and then turning toward me, leaned down and kissed me gently on the lips. I sighed deeply, reached around his neck and kissed him passionately. He began to moan, and without really being aware of it, so was I.
Tim and Todd had come over to stand beside us. They had heard Brad's comment about the lover's moon. When Brad and I came up for air, we noticed the two of them in a clincher. Apparently the lover's moon was working its magic on all of us.
"Sadie!" I shouted.
"Shit!" said Brad.
"Sorry," said Todd.
"Now she'll surely hate me, " worried Tim.
"Let's move our asses and get in there," was Brad's advice which we all immediately followed.
I was the first through the
door and into the kitchen. Sadie was sitting in her usual place on
the last stool at the counter. She was in her dressing gown, but
her hair was combed and she looked alert. She was not smiling.
"Hi, Mom," I said.
Brad quickly added, "Hi, Sadie."
Todd followed suit, "Hi Sadie."
Poor Tim didn't know what to do, so he quickly said,
"Hello, ma'am, I'm Tim, Tim Davis. I hope I'm not causing any trouble, ma'am. I'm sorry that you had to wait up for us. I hope you didn't lose any sleep. If you think I will be a problem, I'll be quick to have Brad drive me home. I want to be. . ."
"Young man, relax. I'm not an old witch. You should know that Jacob has been bringing home young men for the last two or three days. I had to remind Jacob that this was not Boy's Town."
Tim smiled a face-wide grin at Sadie. She smiled back.
As she stirred her tea, she asked if any of us would like a drink. We all thanked her, but declined to have anything. Todd had become very agitated moving his clenched fists behind his back and then to his sides. Sadie, as she always did, noticed the behavior. She looked at Todd, and asked him,
"Is something bothering you, Todd. You seem upset about something. What is it?"
To our surprise, Todd moved to Tim, put his arm around him and announced in a strong voice,
"Sadie, this is my boyfriend, Tim. He's a wonderful, he's gentle, he likes people, he's caring, and I love him."
Taking a sip of her tea, Sadie paused, and then asked,
"Is there something in the air, something going around. You left here almost destroyed by one boy friend, and a few hours later you return with a new boyfriend. Jacob goes to school one day and comes home with a very nice man, and the next day they are madly in love."
"It's the lover's moon," offered Brad.
"Do you have an explanation, Jacob. You've been very quiet since you came in. Are you afraid of me?"
"Jacob Neilson, I'm surprised at you. Why would you be afraid of me?" she said as she got up and moved over to me.
I took a deep breath, not knowing what she was up to. She hugged me and gave me a kiss on my cheek.
"Guys, I'm not angry at any of you. I just need to know a little more about Tim. You three go into the living room and give me a few minutes alone with Tim. Go on, out of here. Don't look so worried, Todd. I promise I won't harm Tim.
Tim stood alone as I led Brad and Todd into the living room. There were lights on, and the outside lighting showed the pool and the waterway. It was beautiful. I sat down on the sofa facing the windows. Brad sat next to me, and instantly his arm was around me. Todd sat in one of the large chairs, looking worried and concerned. As I was thinking about what to say to Todd, Brad pulled me tightly against his chest, leaned down and kissed me gently as he ran his hand up my leg to my crotch. I was instantly erect. I opened my mouth and soon Brad's tongue was exploring.
"For God's sake, you two, get a room," Todd said with a giggle. His comment broke up our romantic moment as we both started laughing.
"I wonder what she's doing to him," Todd asked anxiously.
Brad and I were really laughing now, knowing full well that Sadie wasn't going to do anything to Tim. She just wanted to have a private chat with him. I decided to put Todd's mind at rest,
"Todd, she isn't going to do anything to Tim. Relax! They're just talking."
"I guess. But I am still worried about him. He's so gentle, so wonderful, so. . ." and his voice quieted to nothing.
My goodness, I thought, he's got it bad. Then I smiled, realizing that I probably had it worse than he did. I leaned my head on Brad's shoulder and told him,
"I love you."
"Mutual!" he replied.
Todd wandered over to the windows and looked out over the pool to the intracoastal. Lights from across the widest part of the waterway sparkled and blinked. His shoulders sank, and his body, the body of a young in-shape athlete, seemed to sag. He dropped to his knees and then sat, still facing out of the room. The telltale shaking of his body evidenced his emotional state. The sobs were silent, but I became aware of them almost immediately.
I could understand his concern about Tim. It was only this afternoon that he had been dumped in what I assumed was an unceremonious action by the ex-boyfriend. Nonetheless, that had produced great pain for Todd, and now he probably feared that somehow Sadie would take Tim away from him and he would again be alone. I told Brad to look, and after he did, he shrugged his shoulders in a kind of defeated way. I wasn't ready to do that, so I got up from the sofa and quietly walked over to Todd. Much like at the beach, I sat next to him. I put my arm around him and waited.
"I don't want to be alone again, Jacob. I mean, I have you and Brad as friends, but I want Tim. I'm so afraid he won't make the muster and he'll have to leave, and then what?"
As I pulled him tightly to me, and took a deep breath, I was able to tell him,
"Sadie isn't going to send him away. Count on that."
At that moment, Sadie and Tim came into the living room, both of them were smiling.
After the three guys had left
the kitchen, Sadie patted the stool next to hers. Tim walked over
and sat down. He was scared to death. That little woman, sitting
just to the left of him, seemed to hold so much power over him. She
"Tim, relax, Can I get you something to eat or drink?"
Sadie looked carefully at Tim. He was a really handsome young man, and he seemed ready to chat with her. She knew she would have to be careful about what she asked. It couldn't get too personal, but it had to be personal enough to get information.
As he fidgeted a little, his eyes sparkling, and his full lips pursed just a little, he told Sadie that after the pizza and all the soda, he really didn't need anything. Maybe, he added, some water would be nice. As Sadie went to the refrigerator for a bottle of water, she asked,
"Tim, what do your parents think about your spending the night in a stranger's house?"
There was a long silence and Sadie noticed the moisture in Tim's eyes. She knew immediately that she had asked the wrong question.
"My parents were killed in an car accident. My older sister raised my two brothers and my sister and me."
Sadie cleared her throat and looked more closely at the young man sitting beside her. She admired his calmness in answering a question which must have brought back memories that he would probably rather not recall. Tim reached out and took Sadie's hand into his. He squeezed it and smiled at her as he said,
"It's okay, ma'am. It was a while ago and I've accepted it as part of life, one of those things that we can't control. Some call it fate, some believe it's part of God's plan, many have no explanation. I guess that's all I can say about that."
Sadie squeezed his hand tightly, and leaned across and kissed him gently on the cheek. As she moved back she saw the tears running down his cheeks. She knew at that moment that she really didn't need to ask anymore questions. This was a good boy!
"Do you like, Todd?" Sadie asked.
Tim looked away and then down at the floor. He wiped the tears from his face, and turning back to Sadie, he smiled the face-filling grin, and told her.
"I like him. I like him very much."
Sadie saw the gleam in his eyes, the smile, and she knew: this young man is in love. She hugged him again,
"How does he feel about you, Tim?"
Tim got up and walked away a bit, turned and walked back. He hadn't spoken yet, and Sadie was wise enough to know she would have to wait for an answer. Tim stood by the island and nervously moved a couple of lemons in the large bowl. Finally he faced Sadie, and with a huge sigh told her,
"I'm afraid he isn't sure about it. He says differently, that he loves me, but then he tells me that he still has some mixed feelings about Trent. I don't understand it, ma'am. I'm trying to understand, but it's tough. Maybe the best thing to do is to just go my own way, hoping to find someone else who really likes me."
Sadie moved over to the young man and put her arm around him. His body was tense, and his eyes glistened, telling a great deal more than he had said. Sadie patted his arm, and asked,
"Is he worth fighting for, Tim?"
"Well, then don't give up on him. Today was really hard for him. He got dumped by a guy he had been with for a couple of years, and beside that the miserable human being had been beating on him and asking him to partake in sex that Todd found offensive. His parents don't know he gay; he's afraid to tell them, and earlier he contemplated suicide. That's why he's here. Brad knows him and Jacob is now his friend. So there's a lot going on in Todd's young life. Show him you care and that you will wait."
Sadie noticed that all the color had drained from Tim's face. His body was visibly shaking, and his countenance had twisted into a look of agony and disbelief.
"Kill himself? How could he want to do that? Ma'am, he's such a nice guy and very loving. My God, I didn't know. I wish Jacob or Brad would have told me."
Sadie knew there were many things that the two boys might have wanted to tell Tim, but to tell them about Todd's wish to commit suicide wasn't one of them. In his agony and disbelief, Todd couldn't think of anything that was worth living for, and saw death as a way to escape all the pain. Sadie thought to herself that here was a perfect reason to want to live. Todd had an opportunity to be with Tim, and Tim wanted to be with Todd. Somehow, she would have to help them know this.
"Tim, you can understand why that is something that only Todd could tell you. I shouldn't have mentioned it, but it just came out. I'm sorry to have burdened you with it."
Sadie wiped the tears from her eyes, and Tim seeing that, hugged her, and reassured her that he would be all right.
"I want you to know a little more about me and my family. My older sister, Terry, took it upon herself to take care of the rest of us, so in a way, she gave up her own life for us. She had completed college when our parents were killed, and being ten years older than my brother Teddy, there was little she could do but take care of us. My folks had insurance and stuff, so the house was ours as was the car, which was replaced by insurance, and the van. There was also college money for the four of us.
"Both Teddy and Tommy who are only two years apart went to Gainesville. And my sister who is 20 is now there, too. She's studying to be an elementary school teacher. Teddy works in Orlando in finance, but I'm not sure what his job is, and Tommy works in Miami as an assistant district attorney. I plan to go to Gainesville myself, maybe to study medicine or safety. Terry will have her life back when I leave. But every time we talk about the future and my leaving, she cries. It's all the love and mothering in her. I pray she'll find a great guy and marry and have her own family. She really deserves it.
"I'm a good student, always on the High Honor Roll, and I run cross- country and have a part-time job at Ranaldi's that takes care of spending money. I'd love a car, but we really can't spend the money on that. Terry has a van, but except for my two brothers who have cars, Tammy and I depend on Terry for transportation. She never complains, even though I know it is often inconvenient for her. Right now she has a part-time job at Macy's, which she enjoys. That's a little about us, ma'am."
Somehow we learn that all of us are the same. Life batters all of us in different ways, and often with a fury. Tim had managed to become a responsible young man with deep convictions about life and a real sense of what love is, or ought to be. What a wonderful catch he would be for any girl or boy.
"Tim, who helped you when you struggled with your sexuality?"
"No one, ma'am. I suffered that ordeal by myself."
"Special request to you, Tim. Call me Sadie like the other guys, no more ma'am, if you please."
Tim's face got pink with embarrassment, but he managed to say,
"It's just that I was taught never to call my elders by their first name. I'm sorry if I offended you."
Sadie hugged him again, and laughed.
"You didn't offend me, at all, Tim. Now, let's go into the living room so I can tell the others what I think of you."
"Should I be scared?" asked Tim.
"You'll find out in a minute." and taking Tim's hand they moved out of the kitchen and went to the living room.
As they entered in the living
room, the three of us turned and looked at them, seeing the smiles
on both their faces, we were a little relieved.
"Tim is a keeper, boys. I want him for myself," Sadie said as she put her arm around Tim.
Todd stood and looked at Tim, trying to see in him some indication of his state of mind, the outcome of the chat with Sadie. Tim just smiled and so did Sadie. There was no way it could end like this. Todd dashed across the room and stood before Sadie and Tim,
"Sadie, I love you almost like my mom, but there's something I need to say to you and to Tim. You can't have him because he's mine and I know that with a certainty I have never really known before. Tim, please be mine. I need you to care about me."
Tim continued to look at Todd, his smile increasing. He reached out and took Todd's hand in his, and for the rest in the room it was obvious that some powerful connection was made between the two. Todd tried to pull Tim to him, but he was resisted.
"You want me to care about you. That's it?" asked Tim.
"No, damn it. I want you to love me."
As he flung himself into Todd's arms, he told him and all of us,
"That I can do," said Tim.
Sadie and Brad and I applauded. But Sadie wasn't finished. With a little controlled laugh, she told us,
"I won't be doing a bed check, fellows. But be careful and reasonable. Does everyone understand?"
"Yes," came the strong answer from four horny young men.
Sadie smiled broadly, looked directly at Jake, and said,
"Then good night. Try to be out of bed by nine in the morning so you can have breakfast, shower and dress for church. Turning on her heels, she left all of us standing there looking at each other as it became obvious what Sadie really meant.
Brad put his arm around me and hugged me tightly. I enjoyed it. His naughty smile made me certain that he understood exactly what Sadie meant. I knew, too, and was happy that we might enjoy the night together without any apprehension of being intruded upon. Tim and Todd were on the sofa, a tangle of arms and legs, expressing their desire for each other. I hated to break up the action, but I felt I needed to say something to them.
"Todd, Tim, can you stop for a minute, please?" I asked.
They broke their embrace and looked at me, both smiling. I smiled back, as did Brad.
"Did you understand what Sadie meant?"
Tim looked at me as if I were some sort of idiot. He laughed and said,
"I think it means Todd and I can sleep together if we want to, and that we should be careful and reasonable in our romancing."
"Righto!" said Brad.
"I knew that, too," said Todd.
"Sure you did," I said.
Tim began fidgeting and showing signs of impatience. He left Todd momentarily and walked over to Brad and me.
"Jacob, where's my room?" Everyone laughed, but I quickly added,
"Follow me, guys."
I quickly turned off the lights, went to the kitchen and set the alarm and then took everyone down the corridor, first to my suite, and then down to the individual rooms. I indicated each guy's room, smiled when I told Brad where his room was. He just hugged me quickly and whispered in my ear that he had no intention of messing up the bed. Then I showed the other two guys their rooms. Tim looked at Todd and asked,
"Todd, do you have a toothbrush I can use. I don't have one and I don't have sleep shorts either. Guess I'll have to sleep in the nude. If I could use your tooth brush, then I'll leave and go back to my room."
Todd was smiling from ear to ear. I decided to have a little fun.
"No need to use Todd's toothbrush. There are new ones in your bathroom. And I'll send Brad down with some sleep shorts. Everything's okay now, right?"
"Jacob, I love you like a brother, but would you get the hell out of here and let Tim and me get what we need. We can manage it on our own."
"Sorry, I was just trying to help."
I faked a couple of tears, and Brad, who had tuned into my little ploy a bit ago, looked stern and pissed and said,
"Look, don't get rude with Jake or I will be really pissed off, and then you'll have to pay, Todd."
"How come I always start a problem?" asked Tim.
"Relax,you two horny guys. I was just kidding a little. Enjoy your time together. Now, Brad, come with me so that I can enjoy the night."
"Goodnight, boys," said Brad as he followed me down the hall."
Todd called after us as Tim had a fit of laughter,
"You two are just turdheads.!"
"Dingleberries," Brad shot back.
I turned out the hall light. Brad and I heard a door shut. We laughed as we closed the door to "our" suite and locked the door.
"Come here you mischievous
merman. I need you in my arms, and I want you naked. So get
going," Brad said.
Our clothes went flying about the room and we were both naked. Soon we were in each other's arms. It was an embrace filled with love and lust.
I melted into Brad's arms, relishing the feel of his muscular body, his intoxicating male scent, and his kiss, his tongue exploring my mouth, and the pressure of his erect penis against mine. It was close to a sensual overload
I had jumped into Brad's arms and wrapped my legs around him. He was holding me there, supporting all my weight, our privates rubbing against each other. As we broke our embrace, he carried me to our bed. I asked him about brushing our teeth, getting ready for bed.
"I am ready for bed, and fuck brushing our teeth. I want to make love to you right now."
He threw me onto the bed, the bedspread having been removed by Sadie, and then climbed on top of me.
"Now you are mine, Mine, MIME!" he exclaimed.
I was laughing as he kissed my neck and moved his mouth down to my right nipple. I pulled his head against my chest, trying to push my nipple deeper into his mouth...I was his!
(Knock, Knock, Knock.)
I forced my eyes open and looked at the bedside clock. It was 4:30 in the morning.
"Jake, can we come in?" asked Todd.
Brad rolled over and looked at me. He smiled and asked,
"What the hell's going on?" he stretched his gorgeous body, and then kissed me quickly. I got out of bed and went and unlocked the door.
"Come in, you guys. What's the fuck's the matter?" I asked.
Tim was standing slightly behind Todd with this great smile on his face. He had his hands on Todd's shoulders, and as Todd tried to give an answer, Tim kissed his neck. I was enjoying the little show. Brad had sat up in the bed and was looking toward the door where we were standing.
"Jake, I want you back in our bed, right now."
"Just a minute, Sweetheart, and I'll be right with you.
Now Todd what is it that you want?"
Todd clearly his throat and answered,
"We want to sleep with you guys. No sex, just sleep. Can we, Please?"
"Did you hear that, Brad."
"Why the fuck not. Come back to bed with me, and those dumb assholes can join us," said Brad.
It was then that I noticed Tim's wide opened eyes. He was looking directly at me. He now had his arms around Todd's waist, his thumbs sort of hanging on the band of his boxers.
"You're, . . you're naked," Tim said.
"Of course, I'm naked. I'm sleeping with my boyfriend. You guys going to join us or not."
"Do we have to get naked?" asked Tim.
"I kinda like the idea," said Todd.
"It's up to you, but Brad and I are not about to put on boxers or anything else. Come in, close the door and get in bed with us," I said as I hurried to the bed, got in and moved to Brad, putting my head on his chest.
Tim closed the door and followed Todd to the bed. Todd pulled down his boxers and stepped out of them. Tim looked at him for a brief moment, admired what he saw, pulled down his boxers and together they joined Brad and me in our bed. We laughed a little, hugged each other, cuddled as couples, and soon were asleep.
Before I had fallen asleep, and with Brad's arm around me making me feel safe and loved, I knew that on the other side of the bed, Todd and Tim were cuddled together, too, My friends had expanded in number and the quality had remained high. It had been another day to remember, but then I thought about the quote I had read somewhere, `we don't remember days, we remember moments'. And then I fell asleep.
To be continued...
"The measure of love is to love
Feedback always welcome: email@example.com
Thanks to my editor, Wayne, and to my readers, Peter and Rock. Their help has added immeasurably to the story. Best of all, they are my friends.
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