Date: Mon, 28 Jun 2004 11:05:35 -0700 (PDT) From: bobby gentry Subject: First Love Mostly autobiographical story for your enjoyment. Please let me know what you think! First Love This is my story of sexual awakening and first love. It begins in the early 1970's the summer before my senior year of high school in the suburbs of Houston, Texas. It was an exciting time as the era was recent post-Viet Nam with "flower power", long-hair and political protests still prevalent. I was a somewhat shy guy, somewhat conservative in appearance, although more laid- back in attitude. My older sister Cindy had just returned from her first year at college. We had moved around a lot due to my father's work and had only lived in Houston a couple of years. Because we had moved a lot, my sister and I became uncommonly good friends and we would share the anxiety of making new friends in each new locale. I was technically not a virgin, having had a drunken encounter the previous year with one of the "class sluts". It included a reluctant (on her part) blow-job and really hasty intercourse in the back of my car! I went out on dates occasionally, but had always been a bit intimidated by really attractive girls. I had never had a steady girlfriend, although it didn't bother me that I hadn't. I was very naive and inexperienced in many respects. My style was somewhat conservative style and schoolwork was a priority, as were activities such as sports (track) and music (orchestra drums). I was nice to everyone but I did not have any really close friends, due to my shyness and since we seemed to move so often. Cindy, thankfully, was very inclusive of me with her eccentric circle of friends, especially her best friend Betsy, who was like another sister to me. Through them I often got to hang out with older kids a lot. Cindy and I also covered each other's backside with our common enemy--parents! I was working at a pizza restaurant for the summer, while Cindy was working at a record store. After a week back at home for the summer, one boring Sunday afternoon Cindy and her best friend Betsy asked me if I wanted to go see a movie with them. Having nothing better to do, I agreed and we set out in Betsy's car. Along the way they announced that their friend Craig was also going to go and we stopped at his house to pick him up. Craig was not someone I knew well as he was actually in the grade between my sister and me. He was a bit of an enigma since he had moved to the area after we had and he had a "flower child" persona and was noted mostly at school for being a good artist and a good student. The only time we had really spent together was right after he had moved in about 18 months ago, when he was at a small birthday gathering for Betsy. I remembered that both Betsy and my sister thought Craig was really good looking, but nothing had come of that as far as I knew in terms of either of them going out with Craig. However, as usual with all newcomers, they were very inclusive with Craig and became friends. I never had a reason to talk to Craig at school, but we always did smile at each other and say hi when we passed in the hall. He had won a number of art awards, but besides that most people did not even know who he was in our big suburban high school. If anything Craig seemed even shier than me. He typically wore faded blue jeans, tie-died t-shirts and other "hippie uniform" clothes prevalent at the time. He was quite skinny with delicate features and hair that fell to the top of his shoulders in gentle waves. Today his appearance might be conspicuous, but in the 1970's many types dressed like Craig. Craig came out of his house when we honked and he climbed inside the back seat with me. Along the way the talk centered around Cindy and Betsy's first year at the University of Texas in Austin and Craig's impending move to New York University on an art scholarship. In an almost awkward way Craig made a point of asking me about my activities and seemed to already know all about what I was busy with. He really was an interesting person to talk to and very nice to include me in the discussion since I still did had a year of high school left. The movie we went to was actually at the museum downtown and was part of a film festival. It was a weird, but captivating cult movie made in the 1930's called Freaks, about a group of sideshow "freaks" in a traveling circus. I had never heard of it but it was so weird as to be fascinating. Afterwards we went to an eclectic cafe for an early dinner. My sister shifted the conversation to asking Craig about one of her classmates named Roger that had gone to college in California. This definitely got my antenna up as this guy was very openly gay, which was not common at our school. With his responses it became clear that Craig not only knew him well, but he had talked to him recently. He spoke about how Roger planned on just staying in California after this summer and was going to live in San Francisco after college. At this point, I was becoming uncomfortable, though Cindy and Betsy are very liberal in their views and it was clear that Craig was comfortable talking about his gay friend. Nothing was ever said about Craig's sexual orientation, but in my naive way, I finally began to figure out what should have been obvious. I remained quiet but could not help feeling a bit unsettled. I was tolerant in general and not anti-gay, but I just had not had any interactions with any openly gay people. On the other hand, I could not help but be captivated by Craig's description of Roger's California "glamorous" gay lifestyle. Other than the gay part, it sure sounded more exciting than our suburbs. After that the conversation shifted to more mundane topics. Before I had a chance to decide for myself, Betsy announced that we would go to the "midnight movie" at the neighborhood theater the next Friday night. After we dropped off Craig, no mention was made of the "gay" topic, by either of the girls so I also said nothing. The following week was uneventful, but on Wednesday, Craig came in to the restaurant to order a pizza to go. It was a slow period so we had time to talk while he waited. Craig said with a big smile, "I had fun at the movie Sunday and look forward to Friday night if you are still going." Before I could answer, he added, "I kind of sensed that the discussion about Roger made you uncomfortable. I am sorry for that." Feeling guilty, I nervously responded, "It's no big deal...don't worry about it." Craig then said, "Great! I don't want to make you uncomfortable. So I'll meet you tomorrow at the movie with Betsy and Cindy!" I was in fact feeling anxious, but I did not really understand why. Nevertheless, I had no graceful way to avoid going to the movies on Friday. Since the movie did not start until midnight, Cindy, Betsy and I gathered with a number of local teenagers on a rural dead-end road for a "street party"and drank beer for a couple of hours. Craig had to work (waiter in a local restaurant) so the plan was to meet him at the movie. I had a pretty good buzz on and was more talkative than usual. We saw a hilarious movie called the Magic Christian with Peter Sellers and Ringo Starr. When everyone sat down, Craig and I somehow ended up sitting next to each other between Betsy and Cindy. As the movie went on Cindy and Betsy, seemingly on purpose, would lean towards each other and directly into Craig and me, to whisper and laugh at the movie. This had the effect of squeezing Craig and I together. Although he made no outward moves towards me, he expressed no annoyance with the close contact. After the movie we re-joined the party gathering for a couple of more beers. Cindy and Betsy moved away from our car and were visiting with other friends leaving Craig and I together. We were both getting a bit drunk, and Craig finally turned to me and asked, with a slight slur, "So you do know I am gay, right?" I responded that I had come to that that conclusion. He asked, "Well what do you think about that, does it bother you?" I defensively responded that it didn't bother me and that it was his business. Being brave from the beer he continued, "Have you ever been given a blow-job?" I laughed and said yes but admitted (due to the beer!) who it had been from and Craig jokingly said that it shouldn't count! Finally Craig offered in a soft voice, "Well you probably aren't interested, but I wish I could give you a blow-job right now!" The beer made me numb to the question, and I deflected the comment saying it was probably not a good idea with all the people around. Betsy and Cindy saved the day by returning about then and before I could react, we agreed to do a movie the next Friday night and we went home. Since we had been drinking, I tried not to make too much of the discussion with Craig. He is so shy I am sure he would not have said those things if he had not been drinking. However, on Monday he came by to pick up another pizza. We made small talk for a while but as he was getting ready to leave, he leaned over and said, "I know I was drunk when we were talking Friday night, but I did really mean it that I wanted to give you a blow-job. If you are ever interested let me know." He nervously walked out before I could respond. The rest of the week though, the combination of curiosity and general horniness made me actually ponder the question. However, I kept dismissing the idea, since, after all, letting a gay guy give me a blow-job would mean I was gay wouldn't it? Friday arrived and we went to the same Friday night gathering spot for some pre-movie beers. On the way to the movies to meet Craig, Cindy said, "You know that Craig likes you." I responded, "What do you mean?" Betsy spoke this time, "You know what we mean. He is gay and he has a crush on you. Can't you tell?" Before I could respond, Cindy said, "If it were to work out that you and Craig got together, it would be cool with us. There is nothing wrong with liking girls and boys. Plus, he is such a great and talented guy. I promise that we wouldn't tell anyone either. But, you do whatever." I remained silent but was almost dizzy from the discussion, to say nothing about the stirring in my groin that was involuntarily giving me a hard-on. I was having the normal horny cravings of any 17 year old and the discussion turned me on in spite of me not wanting it to. When we arrived, Craig was waiting smiling ear-to-ear, wearing snug embroidered faded bell-bottomed jeans, a floral, un-buttoned, long-sleeve shirt with a very skimpy tank top underneath. He also was wearing a rolled up bandana as a headband that held his long hair behind his ears. The overall look made him look very striking. As we gathered together to walk in he looked right in my eyes and said, "it is so good to see you!" We had another animated time at the movies. In addition to the same seating chart and occasional close body contact, several times I noticed Craig was looking at me instead of the screen. When I would glance over he just smiled and looked back at the screen. It made me nervous, but I did not tell him to stop either. Relaxed from the beer, I was finding my resistance weakening, in large part because it just felt good to be the object of someone else's attention. Eventually, instead of concentrating on the movie, I was thinking of a blow-job, specifically a blow-job from Craig. As before, we rejoined the street party afterwards. When Betsy and Cindy quickly left to join the crowd Craig stayed by his car and I stayed too. I had knots in my stomach as we sat on the trunk of his car and drank beer together. Finally, Craig asked, "Have you thought about what I said the other day? I'm glad you are still willing to sit here and talk." I responded, "I don't understand why you are interested in me." He said, "First off, from the very first time we met, you have always been nice to me. Not every one around here is. I also can't help it, but I think you are really smart, really cool and great looking, even though you may not realize it. I'm just attracted to you for whatever reason and that is why I asked your sister and Betsy to arrange for us to spend time together." With shock I exclaimed, "You mean that first movie outing was something you asked for so you could be with me!?" He simply nodded. While shocked, I was also flattered and told Craig so. I also felt a throbbing erection growing in my jeans and it made me feel guilty. Craig inched closer and put his hand gently on the inside of my thigh saying "All I am asking for is for you to give it a try. If you don't like it I will never bring it up again." The fact that I didn't say no or move away from Craig emboldened him and he said, "Why don't we drive to a more secluded spot." I hesitated at first saying, "I don't know." However, as he continued rubbing my thigh, the beer and horniness overcame any common sense and soon we were driving down a secluded road for "crude teenage sex"! Craig pulled over into the parking lot of a vacant building, and on his suggestion, we both got in the back seat. Without any foreplay, Craig began massaging me through jeans and soon unbuttoned and unzipped my pants and pulled my erect penis out. I sat petrified looking up and with both arms across the back of the seat. Although I was nervous, it felt so good to feel another human's touch. Any reluctance that I had previously conveyed to Craig was being undermined by my erection and he became more confident and aggressive. Craig eventually wiggled my underwear down and began massaging my balls and hard penis at the same time. He then stopped briefly and looked up with a knowing smile and asked, "Do you want me to stop?" I shook my head briskly and let out a deep breath. I then felt the most fantastic feeling of my heretofore limited sex life as Craig encircled me with his lips and expertly moved up and down while continuing to massage me with his hands. It felt so good and was nothing like my single prior experience. Instead of being awkward and reluctant like the girl had been, Craig was affectionate and enthusiastic. He seemed to know exactly what to do to make me feel good. I looked down and watched his head move up and down, his eyes closed in concentration. His hair pulled back with the headband made him look like a girl from this angle. I put both hands gently on the back of his head and ran my fingers through his beautiful hair. He, in turn, quickened his pace and I soon erupted into his mouth. I was shocked when he kept his mouth around my penis and swallowed every drop. Craig collected himself and I hastily pulled my pants back up. He sarcastically said softly, "There, that wasn't so bad, was it?" I silently shook my head in agreement, but was too nervous to say more or make eye contact. We drove back to the party and neither one us spoke, but Craig had a small smile on his face. I was nervous about being "caught", but the crowd had gotten rather large and I wasn't sure if anyone had even noticed we had been gone for 30 minutes. Cindy and Betsy rejoined us and with an innocent goodbye, Craig went home in his car and we rode in Cindy's. After dropping off Betsy, Cindy asked coyly, "I saw you guys leave the party. Did you and Craig have a good time tonight?" I responded, "You could definitely say that, but I think I am losing my mind! I can't believe that you set me up to be with Craig the first time we went to the movie! What makes you think I am gay? Do you want me to be gay?" Cindy retorted, "Hey! You're the one who drove off with Craig, not me! Seriously, don't make a big deal out of this. I don't know or care if you are gay. Besides, there is nothing wrong with it if you are. How are you supposed to know what you are if you don't experiment? If you are so sure you are not at least bisexual, then tell Craig and don't spend time with him in the future. I just think you are kidding yourself if you don't sense a mutual attraction. If it makes you feel any better, I have had sex with another girl". My confused look arose since I knew she had a steady boyfriend at college. She explained, "It was only twice when I first went away last year. I did it then and might do it again. But it actually helped me appreciate men. As to setting you up, I have known Craig was gay for all along and when we talked at the beginning of the summer, he told me that now that he was out of high school he was going to more openly pursue relationships with other guys. He then told me that he has always had a crush on you and I told him that as far as I knew you liked girls, but that I really didn't know for sure. I suggested that we all get together as a group and see what happened, and if nothing did, it was no big deal. Whatever happens between you and Craig is up to you but remember that I won't tell anyone and you can talk to me whenever you need me. Don't forget he is a great guy that anybody would be lucky to be with. Please remember he has feelings too, and is taking a chance to pursue you." If not for all the beer I would have had trouble sleeping. I illogically rationalized that I was not necessarily gay since I had not done anything to him, but only received a blow- job. I awoke in the middle of the night with an erection. I thought again about what had happened earlier, what Cindy had said. I then vividly remembered the sensation of Craig's mouth on my penis and visualized his has hair draped across my thighs as he worked on me. Hugely turned on with erotic thoughts , that night and for several nights thereafter, I masturbated to this vision. The next weekend our ritual was broken as Cindy and Betsy decided to go visit their boyfriends in Austin. Craig called me at work on Wednesday and, without reference to our previous encounter asked if I still wanted to go to the movies anyway. I found my self involuntarily agreeing to it before I could think about all the reasons I should not. In truth, I almost felt like I was not in control and it was very confusing. I was very anxious, even excited in anticipation of Friday night. Since he did not have to work that night, he picked me up at my house and we went to dinner at the restaurant where he worked and one of his waiter friends gave us curiously attentive service. Craig was dressed comparatively stylishly, very much as if to look nice for me...his "date". We actually had our first detailed conversation about our backgrounds and interests. Craig is so low profile that I had not realized that he was near the top his graduating class and he had been awarded a very prestigious scholarship to attend NYU in the fall. He intended to major in art and fashion design since that it one of the more practical ways that an artistic person can make a living. Craig's world was so different than mine, but different in a way that made it more interesting. He had moved around a lot as well, but unlike my parents (who in hindsight were decent parents overall) his abusive father had left the family about ten years earlier and he never saw him. In this setting I found myself much more relaxed with Craig and was amazed at how easy we conversed. We both had very similar tastes in movies and music. The waiter (whom I finally surmised was also gay), made a fuss over us as if we were a couple on a dinner date. He also served us both spiked drinks even though only Craig was at the legal drinking age of 18. After dinner we went to see a movie at a more normal time and had a good time. I occasionally would sense that Craig was keeping his leg pressed against mine. I was having wild swings of thought but I did not act upon them. Afterwards, instead of going to find a party, Craig had already iced down some beer and we drove to a picnic area in a rural park. We sat on the end of a cement picnic table and drank a few beers and talked about the movie. There was sexual tension in the air and, feeling horny, I knew that if he offered more oral sex I would take it! Finally, Craig asked, "Would you like to do what we did the other night?" I silently nodded my head in agreement, but did not make eye contact, since though really horny and turned-on, I also felt guilt and paranoia. Craig then added, "Me too, at least I think so. However, I might need to feel a bit romantic to get in the mood this time. I might need to kiss you first." This startled me briefly as I was scared about doing something, like a kiss, that might mean I was gay! Instead of pressing the matter, however, Craig changed gears and pulled out a joint. Offering me a toke, I inhaled deeply. I didn't do drugs beyond an occasional joint and generally preferred beer. Tonight however, the combination of beer and the weed had a strong mellowing effect on me and I relaxed and stared up at the stars. I found myself thinking about Cindy's directive to be mindful of Craig's feelings. I also recalled his enthusiastic face at dinner and how he was able to get me to converse more than anyone else had. His natural intelligence and wit was a refreshing change from the girls I had been out with. I really felt a glow to be in his company. After we finished the joint, Craig excused himself and went over to the bushes to pee. I was continuing to look up at the moon stars when he slowly returned and stood directly in front of me, straddled by my dangling legs. I looked up into his moonlit face and saw his delicate face break into a knowing smile. He put a hand on each shoulder and looked at me in the eyes for several seconds. I was too nervous to move, but I was electrified by his touch. Sensing no resistance, he leaned down so our lips could meet in the gentlest of kisses. He pulled back briefly and then I leaned forward so our lips met more aggressively this time, tongues exploring eagerly. Inhibitions reduced, the kissing really got me excited. Craig pulled away, gently pushed me back until I was lying down and began to undo my jeans. In this secluded place, he pulled them all the way down to my ankles. He also unbuttoned my shirt and began kissing my neck and chest repeatedly while slowing working his way down. Much more patiently, he licked and kissed all around my crotch area and gently cupped my balls in his hand while he licked them. I looked up at the stars and was in paradise as I felt his mouth encircle my penis and begin rhythmically working me up and down as one hand tickled my balls and the other stroked my penis. Even on a cement picnic table, it was so much more pleasurable to be lying down instead of crammed into the backseat of a car, and Craig's pace was more leisurely than before. In order to make it easier to lean over me, Craig moved around the table to approach me from the side. I looked over and realized my hand was inches away from his crotch, and, after some trepidation, I reached out and began massaging him through his jeans. Eventually, I undid his pants and pulled his penis out from his jeans and began stroking it. It felt very strange to hold another guy's hard penis, but I realized that it was a small concession to make considering what he was doing for me! So I stroked him more aggressively and he worked more furiously on me. I then had the most intense orgasm of my life and he again swallowed everything. After a pause, I kept stroking him and he then stood upright and arched his back and had his own massive orgasm splatter my hand and a fairly large area of the table. The sexual frenzy over, I was simultaneously exhilarated, but also feeling paranoid again. First, I mentally argued that what I had just done was wrong and I would never do it again. Then, in the next thought I conceded that not only would I do it again, but I couldn't wait until that time. Craig leaned over to kiss me again and unfortunately, I was tentative due to my anxiety. I am sure it hurt his feelings, but he did not say anything. I got up from the table and awkwardly hugged him and we then awkwardly kissed again. This awkwardness gave way to a quiet ride to my house where Craig said, "I'd like to see you again...soon. Would you like to do something tomorrow night and then spend the night at my house? My mother will be there the whole time if your parents need to check in with her." Considering my ambiguous anxiety, this sounded pretty safe, so I agreed. About four o'clock the next day Craig called me and said that maybe we should reschedule the sleepover. His mother was depressed, having just broken up with her boyfriend and Craig felt like he should keep her company. He said, "If you still wanted to spend the night that would be great, but we will probably just hang around the house. I was touched by Craig's thoughtfulness to his mother and decided that a little break from the party scene would not be a bad thing. He lived in a pretty nice 1 story house as his mother was a successful realtor. When I arrived Craig's mother answered the door. She was comparatively young and very attractive. She and Craig definitely resembled each other. She was extremely friendly and surely masking an underlying depressed mood. She called upstairs to Craig and then excused herself to the kitchen where she was making dinner. As Craig came down the stairs I had to do a double-take. He had his usual big smile, but everything else looked different. First he was wearing very skimpy, ragged cut-offs, and a tissue thin turquoise tank-top shirt with thin leather choker around his neck that had a several beads on it. His hair was up in a pony-tail that was tied of with a rubber band fairly high, near the crown of his head. Although most of his hair was pulled back, he had his normal tussled bangs and had generous strands of hair hanging down in front of his ears that framed his face. He simply said, "Come on up!" I followed him into a bedroom that had been converted to an art studio, where Craig had been working on a watercolor landscape. "I'll be finished in a minute", he said. As I waited I couldn't take my eyes off him, or perhaps what I had not noticed about him before. Craig is about 5'8'', about 3 inches shorter than me. But where I was athletic and medium build, he was quite thin, almost waif-like. Framed by his skimpy cut-offs, his smooth angular legs, narrow waist and butt would have been the envy of many girls. I finally said, "You look different." He replied, "Oh I'm sorry, I always pull my hair back when I am working to keep it from getting into the paint. If you want, I'll take it down." I responded, "No, don't! I think you look great, but just different with the shorts and all." He smiled at me and said, "Well when I am not leaving the house there is no reason to dress up or dress conservatively!" I had never thought Craig dressed "conservatively", but tonight his appearance was provocative! Although his explanations were plausible, I had my doubts that his appearance wasn't calculated in every way. For example, his hair wasn't just pulled into a high pony-tail, it was meticulous and looked like flowing waves had been brushed or styled with a curling iron. The bangs and symmetrical locks hanging down in front were also too perfect to have been haphazardly arranged. In addition to the beaded choker he had similar leather beaded bracelets on one of his wrists and an ankle. Finally, his sparse, snug outfit did not leave much to imagine about what he looked like naked. I smiled to myself with the thought that Craig had made a special effort to look sexy for me. I had done much soul searching since the previous evening and was beginning to get comfortable with my sister's advice. The world had not come to an end when I willingly kissed Craig the night before. In fact, it was wonderful. When I stroked Craig off, it had not been disgusting. In fact, it was kind of thrilling to see someone else get so excited by my touch, and gave me a rush when I watch the orgasm spurt out. His willingness to satisfy me with his mouth was addictive and something to be grateful for. Finally, the fact that he had sought me out for a relationship to begin with was flattering in its own right as I was beginning to learn more about him. Now, as I watched Craig put away his supplies, I could not help but be drawn to him and I began to move towards him from behind with the intention of holding him in my arms. My trance was broken, however, when his mother called us down for dinner, and Craig turned quickly towards me, gave me a quick peck on the cheek, and holding my arm, led me to the stairs. We had a friendly, casual dinner. His mother was so nice and very hip to current music and movies compared to my parents. Without giving me the third degree she did ask a lot of questions about my interests. One thing Craig and did have in common was that we both made good grades. However, where Craig was a talented artist, I was only above- average in musical talent and non-artistic in every other respect. I expected to have a career in business eventually. I learned more about the different places they had lived. Craig was an only child and his mother had carved out an admirable life for them as a single mom. I could tell they were close and genuinely liked each other. In contrast, I tended to think of my parents in militaristic terms. Craig's mother then embarrassed him by bragging about all of his art accomplishments and then we walked around the house to see various examples of his work. While her bragging may have embarrassed Craig, it was no exaggeration. I was overwhelmed with his artistic talent, particularly since he was so modest. He was also an excellent piano player. Craig was just a person of many talents whom almost everyone underestimated in every way imaginable. I almost felt like I had just met him for the first time. We then went to the den to watch TV and Craig's mother went to a large armchair. Craig, in turn went to a relatively small loveseat at the back of the room. Although there were two other single chairs in the room, I hesitantly decided to join Craig on the loveseat. It had never occurred to me to ask if Craig's mother knew he was gay, or if she had any preconception about our "relationship". Craig smiled when I sat down with him and we watched a movie and then Saturday Night Live together. Craig's mother seemed to be in an increasingly good mood as the evening went on. After a while, Craig returned from the restroom with refreshed drinks and he sat right up against me and placed his hand on my thigh. I was nervous about his mother seeing us, but did nothing to call attention to it either way. She was actually sitting where she had to turn to see us on the loveseat, although she seemed to be making every effort not to look back. His hand felt good however, and I eventually placed my hand on his thigh and relaxed. After Saturday Night Live, with a not-so-subtle warning (whereby we moved our hands back), she got up and excused herself to go to bed. She gave Craig a kiss on the forehead and leaned over and gave me a brief hug and curiously whispered, "Thanks for being here!" We continued a while with late night television, remaining on the loveseat snug against each other. I finally asked, "So I assume she knows you are gay?" Craig answered, "Correct, in fact she probably knew before I did." I asked, "Was it difficult to tell her? My parents would probably disown me, but only after killing me first!" Craig continued, "At the school I was at before we moved here, I was getting picked on by bullies for being a sissy. Mother helped me deal with the bullies through the principal, but she also pulled me aside one afternoon after a bad day at school. She told me that she loved me no matter what and that I had a great future ahead of me. She then told me that I needed to be true to myself or I would be unhappy in the long run. She then told me that if I were to decide that I was gay, that it was fine with her and she would love me all the same. After that I started crying and admitted that I knew I liked boys and not girls. She just hugged me as I cried and kept telling me to just be myself. One of the reasons we moved here was so I could get a fresh start and keep a low profile." I could now really understand why they were so close. I then asked him, "What does she know about you and me?" Craig answered, "Well let's just say she has heard your name for several weeks. But she doesn't know that we have done anything, but only that you were someone that I desired, and that I wasn't sure the feeling was mutual. Her only response was to not be afraid to take a chance and that if I wanted you I needed to make myself attractive to you." Without saying so directly, Craig had confirmed my suspicions about his appearance being highly planned for this occasion! I then asked Craig, "When did you first act on your urges...surely I am not the first?" He responded, "I had a little experience with one boy, in particular, where I lived before, but it was more experimental mutual masturbation than anything else, much different than what I hope is going on here." I then followed, "That is a good question...what is going on here?" Craig concluded the discussion by saying, "I feel like I have already put too much pressure on you. You need to be yourself too. But just know that if you want me, I'm yours." With that, Craig got up and started upstairs. I did not say anything but my heart was melting for Craig and I got up and followed him. We went into his bedroom, which had twin beds. Craig pulled down the covers of both beds. Facing away from me, he seductively let his hair down, which flowed in beautiful waves to his bare shoulders. I took in his angular frame from behind with his sexy cut- offs and tank top. I then walked in silence behind him and placed my hands on top of his shoulders and leaned over and gently kissed the base of his neck. I felt him exhale and he leaned back into me. I then moved my arms around his waist and pulled him close as I kissed his neck again. He turned his head towards me and our lips met. Without breaking the extended kiss, he turned around to face me and pulled me close with his hands behind my shoulders. His lean frame felt perfect in my arms and I ran my fingers through his beautiful hair as we made-out. Without a doubt, this was the most romantic moment of my life to that point, and we melted in passion. Instead my previous awkward tentativeness, I was totally comfortable with what I was doing and wondering to myself why I had waited so long. I became the aggressor and began to help Craig out of his cut-offs and shirt. He got into the bed and leaned on an elbow beckoning me with his eyes. I then undressed myself for Craig's bedroom eyes, and joined him in bed. Our naked bodies felt incredible pressed together side-by-side, and this was the first time I had actually been naked with someone else in a bed. We spent countless minutes simply kissing and exploring each other with our hands, eventually to where Craig rubbed our erect penises against each other in his hand. Craig then got on top of me and began to cover my chest with kisses. He was working his way down when I told him to stop. I am sure he thought I was getting cold feet, but it was just the opposite. I told him, "it's my turn to do you!" So as Craig lay on his back I became the tongue explorer. If anything I was getting more turned on. As I neared his crotch, I mentally challenged myself as to whether I was really ready to perform oral sex on a guy. I glanced up at Craig's sweet face and saw a loving smile and knew the answer. I returned to work and tantalizing teased him with gentle kisses of his ball sack and up and down the shaft. I was amazed at how hard his erection had become and became excited that it was because of me. Holding the shaft gently I began to place wet kisses on the head and tickled it with my tongue. I then gently covered the head with my mouth and began to give him the best blow-job I could muster despite my inexperience. Using both hands to simultaneously massage the shaft and tickle his balls I got better at being able to breathe and continue the motion. After a while I really was moving up and down pretty fast and I heard him groan and he warned me to pull off or he would come in my mouth. Instead I increased my pace and bore down harder and deeper on him. His eruption into my mouth caused a brief involuntary gagging, but I recovered quickly and was able to swallow most of the fluid. The flavor was different than what I expected, but was definitely not offensive. My paranoia was replaced with triumphant pleasure! Breathing heavy, I returned my head to the pillow next to Craig, and rested with my eyes closed. Craig snuggled against me, kissed me on the cheek and asked me if I was OK. I simply nodded in response, but inside I was better than OK, I knew that I had found myself sexually. I also felt the love of Craig in my heart. After resting together, we took turns pleasing each other orally again before finally crashing. The next morning I awoke disoriented and realized that Craig was snuggled with his backside against me, with my arms around him. As I gathered my wits, I realized how good it felt to be holding him and waking up in bed together. I started to feel myself getting hard again and Craig began to wake up. He whispered good morning in a sweet voice and snuggled tighter against me while holding my hand and kissing the back of it. My erection kept growing and Craig began to wiggle his butt against me more vigorously. This was all interrupted by the sound of his mother rustling about, so we reluctantly got up and got dressed. If Craig's mother ever knew what had been going on she did not say so the next morning or act the least bit unusual. Since her bedroom was downstairs she probably couldn't hear us, but I could not be sure. In any event we innocently came down for a late breakfast. As I left to go home, we made plans to get together again that night. With a discreet kiss, I left his house floating on Cloud Nine. That afternoon Cindy and Betsy returned from visiting their boyfriends. They were more focused on the events of their own weekends, and we were just sitting around listening to music, with small talk. However, I am sure I looked like the cat that ate the canary and finally, they asked what I had done over the weekend. I replied, "Craig and I went out both Friday and Saturday. In fact, we spent the night together at his house last night." My incomplete and ambiguous response did not fool them for a second and they both looked at me expectantly. Betsy inquired, "and...?" I finally confessed, "Well, thanks in no small part to you two, I now officially have my first boyfriend!" They shrieked with laughter and excitement and both jumped on me and tickled me, saying to each other, "I told you so...no I told you so...etc." Their excitement made me feel great! Betsy and Cindy went out with Craig and I that night and it was uplifting to be around people where Craig and I could be open in our affection. As we cruised around in Cindy's car, Craig and I shamelessly made-out in the back seat, nearly oblivious to the rest of the world. The occasionally would joke about us needing to come up for air. As the summer wore on and beyond, they provided a great "cover" for my parents and people in general, as we often did things as a group, creating a "normal" appearance. I strongly felt the need to maintain secrecy, so as to not be harassed at school and to avoid having to have a discussion with my parents as long as possible. Having had similar school issues, Craig understood and agreed with my need to remain discreet. A few days later when I spent the night again at his house, we somewhat awkwardly discovered the pleasures of anal sex with me as the top and Craig as the bottom. With practice, however, we became expert at this activity and what would have been unthinkable three months before, now was a core sexual activity for us. Craig loved it when I fucked him and almost seeming addicted to me being inside of him. I was amazed that anal sex had the effect of making him come due to the massaging of the prostrate. Craig usually would carry a small tube of K-Y jelly in his pocket when we went out in the event that we had a location to be intimate. Oral sex was still special as well, and I grew to love the taste of his orgasms and became pretty expert at giving head. It gave me an adrenaline rush to feel him coming in my mouth. When teenage couples discover sex, what follows is sex at every opportunity. Such was the case with us! Our social life expanded, since another person we could be open with was Roger, who was much more flamboyant than Craig and very bold about flaunting his "gayness". He did not have a steady companion, and seemed to have a new lover each week, if not each night. However, he and Craig had become friends because of their common struggle to fit in as gay high school students. He was very nice to me, and seemed pleased that Craig had a steady boyfriend. He did seem surprised that somewhat so seemingly conservative and preppy had ended up as Craig's lover, however. Roger was the king of party planning, and we had some pretty wild times when we did things with him and his "gay social network". We sometimes went into the city and attended parties at Roger's friends' apartments and houses. Usually, in these settings, Craig and I were usually fucking within 10 minutes after locating an empty bedroom! With the help of fake ID's we went to certain gay bars where we could dance and be publicly affectionate. I was really shocked at one of the bars to see a former teacher from high school, who had remained friends with Roger. There were also several other former schoolmates, including two lesbian girls, in this social circle. With each new familiar face, I was surprised initially, but should not have been, in hindsight. The overall experience was very helpful to me, because it demystified the stereotypes of gay people. They definitely came in all shapes and sizes! There also just were a lot more people who were gay than I had realized with my sheltered past. It also felt good to be able to be among people where it was OK to hold hands with Craig or have our arms around each other. In these settings, everyone knew we were a couple and not in any way think badly of us. In fact, in these settings we were so affectionate that sometimes people would kid us about being "lovebirds in heat". When we were at large parties or at bars, if we were separated just for short time, other guys would flirt aggressively with us, until they knew we were a couple. Craig's shyness dissipated when he was away from the stifling neighborhood/school environment and his "pretty boy" good looks were indeed striking when he was also dressed stylishly. Similarly, my "All-American", masculine good looks seemed to draw attention as well. I would have never thought of myself as being attractive to men, but both of us fended off a lot of suitors. It was naive at the time, but I was surprised by how many men five to ten years older than me would hit on me in the bars. For someone only 17, I became well- versed in pick-up lines! In all honesty, both of liked the attention, both when separately being "hit on" as well as when people would take note of us as a couple. With my agreement, Craig acknowledged our relationship to his mother and we could also be openly affectionate around her. She was quite liberal-minded for the time, but she truly loved her son and accepted him for who he was. I think she also liked and respected me and "approved" of me being Craig's boyfriend. Initially, it felt awkward holding hands or kissing in front of her but I got over that and it was wonderful to have a safe haven where we could be natural around each other. Given this and I spent many nights at their house the rest of the summer. I am sure she knew we were having sex upstairs but she chose to not ask about it or lecture us. She also said that it was up to me as to telling my parents that I was involved in a gay relationship. As for our sexual relationship, Craig and I were like any other 17-18 year old couple -- horny most all of the time! Cindy and Betsy continued to take an almost perverse pleasure in our relationship and they encouraged us at every chance. One weekend we went with them to Austin and with their urging, we were completely open publicly the whole weekend, including in front of their boyfriends. Since Austin is a liberal city, most people barely took note of us as we walked hand-in-hand. This taste of "freedom" made it stifling to return to the "neighborhood". Unconstrained by needing to avoid the school dress codes, Craig became more flamboyant in his dress. He continued to entice me with different hair styles, and frilly, skimpy clothes. Being interested in fashion, he often wore stylish clothes and I know he enjoyed having someone to dress up for. I still would encounter and find certain girls attractive, and I might notice a really good-looking guy at a party or bar. However, I only found Craig truly attractive among men, because I had grown to love him. We were in lust, but we were also in love. I still had not completely faced the music on whether I was gay, bi, or just "going through a phase". At the time it seemed important to figure this out. Later I came to realize that categorizing yourself had no useful purpose. However, the parties, bar-hopping, meeting new and different people and constant sex, made for the most exciting summer of my comparatively boring life. As opposed to being mortally terrified about being gay or being around gay people, I became excited, in a rebellious way, about the prospect, particularly if it meant such an exciting lifestyle. More importantly, if being gay was necessary for me to be Craig's lover, then so-be-it. I had completely surrendered to the notion that I had fallen in love with Craig, and he with me. I could not imagine ever not being with him. Regrettably, reality set in and Craig needed to get ready to leave for college. He actually began to have second thoughts and discussed staying in town and attending school locally for a year until I graduated and then we could go to school somewhere together. Craig's mother and I, in moments of clarity, eventually dismissed this idea since it would be a surrendering of all the dreams that Craig had worked so hard for, including and especially the scholarship to NYU. Eventually we settled for discussing how fast Christmas-break would arrive and how we would remain true in the meantime. Thus, the summer of my sexual awakening and first boyfriend came to an end. I wanted to cry when I hugged Craig goodbye at the airport as he boarded the flight to New York. That is not the end of our story but certainly the closing of its main chapter.