Date: Thu, 11 Mar 2004 22:36:54 +0100 From: Vincent Subject: A Toucy Story 1: First Touches JOHNNY - My fingers rushed over the keyboard, typing the ideas as fast as possible to edit them later. I was writing a story about a girl falling in love with some boy, who only uses her but doesn't really love her. Yawning like mad but still continuing, the ideas and little details all had to get out first, then I could finish it tomorrow. Oh no, wait... tomorrow's school again. Shit! I've been looking forward to writing this story all day long, and now that I finally get to type it, it's too late... and tomorrow there won't be much time to do it either... I guess I'm just gonna have to stay up even later to uhm... work out some more details before leaving for bed. The next day, I was in for what must've been the biggest suprise of my life. When I went to my first class, Math class, I was placed next to the very hottest boy in school! This kid - I believe his name was Tim - had been the subject in most of my jack-off sessions throughout the last two years, and now he sat down next to me like it's nothing! I'm not usually shy, but this was different of course. I frantically searched through my mind to find cool things to say, which I, of course, couldn't. `Hey there,' he said, `I'm Tim.' You would think that he'd turn his back to me before I even got to open my mouth, knowing my popularity. But he didn't, he actually started talking to me. And in a beautiful voice too! Butterflies were appearing out of nowhere in my stomach as I forced myself to remain calm... it was just a conversation, nothing special. `Hey, I'm Johnny.' My name was actually John but that sounded so 19 year old and I didn't like it. I thought about shaking a hand, but that looked even older I thought, so I decided against it. `Cool... so what's up?' He asked. It wasn't a real conversation of course, but it was better than nothing. `Well you know... first day on school and all... I may look like I'm awake but I'm actually still sleeping,' I laughed nervously. He apparently thought that was very funny as he giggled rather much, but he didn't really say anything else afterwards. I felt good for making him laugh though. I found myself secretly stealing glances at his face, his face that looked down into his books as he started to concentrated on what the teacher said. I was concentrating on him so bad I couldn't make out the teacher's words if I tried! Okay so he was blonde, very blonde even and his hair was kinda average length. His face was angelic, with youthful smoothness all over it, and very nice lips! His clothes seemed to be wasting his sexy, 5'7", 14 year old body and when you would look at his blue eyes, you would simply melt! At least that's how I felt, I actually felt like I was melting inside whenever I saw his eyes. The contrast with my own looks couldn't have been bigger. I always considered myself as ugly, and I used to avoid my mirror image. Rarely somebody told me I was pretty, which was probably because I never told anybody how I felt about myself. I'm sure that if I would have, they would never agree and would deny it straight away. Just to be nice of course. I was somewhere in between 5'6" and 5'7" and I was very very slim, almost unhealthily so. I had green eyes and my hair was light brown. So what else is there to say... nothing I guess right? Okay, my eyes were too small and my hair too well... it didn't look right. I was too short and too slim. My skin wasn't soft or smooth or anything like that, and I actually had... no never mind. Every once in a while, I felt like he noticed me staring and I tried hard to fight it but I really, truly, genuinely couldn't help it! He was just too damn hot! And cute! The teacher was, luckily, one to not talk too much... not even to care too much about other people talking, if it didn't get out of hand, so we could just concentrate on our work instead of on her voice all the time. With all my earlier math teachers I had thought "Please... finally shut up and let us work!! I get it already!!"... but she wasn't like that. Not that I could concentrate on my work anyway, in the condition I was in... I tried though. `Hey,' said Tim's sexy voice next to me... `Can you help me here? I kinda can't figure out this one...' I looked over at his book and saw him pointing at a rather hard sum. While explaining I `accidentally' hit his hand, it was an instinctive thing really, but he was quick to remove it and fold his hands together. Awww... bummer. So I explained the problem and he got it rather quickly. `Oh yeah, of course! Hey you're very good at this aren't you?' He smiled bashfully. `Well no... not really... really...' Yikes that sounded dumb! He just smiled and I told myself a couple of times that he didn't mean it as a hurtful smile but as a nice smile. Though of course, I couldn't convince myself. `Well it seems so to me... what do you want to be later?' `Oh... I dunno... I kinda like acting... or maybe something medical, or biological...' Okay so I hadn't really decided yet. `Really? Oh I like acting too... hey you know what, I'm joining the theatre in this town next week!' `You're kidding me? I'm on there too! Next week huh? That's when the new plays start... wow, cool!' Wow! This was almost too good to be true! Did this mean I could spend even more time with the coolest kid in school than a whole period?? COOL!!! `Yeah, cool! I... very cool hehehe... so do you know what the new plays will be about?' `Naahh... we'll only hear that then I guess.' `Oh... ok.' Then, as I moved myself in a somewhat more comfortable position, I touched him again, again on the hands, although this was really accidental. Wow... his skin felt soooo good on mine... He raised his hand to get a bathroom pass and left, leaving me feeling a bit awkward. He only came back for class right before the bell rang. As he packed his bag, he said: `Hey it was nice talking to you... see you around ok?' `Sure!' I could produce. With that, he walked away leaving me with a warm, tingly sensation in my stomach. TIM - I shivered, and I was sure Johnny had noticed it. I got extremely cold and my stomach jumped. I quickly raised my hand to get a pass to the toilets, and then walked out as fast as I could without running. Madly rubbing my left hand while walking to the toilets. I had to get it off! Quickly! I entered the toilets and involuntarily shut the door behind, locking it quickly. `Aaahhah.... haa-AAAHHHh....' I panted, wildly rubbing my left hand with my hand as fast as humanly possible. Icky... feeling.... ahhh... I scratched my hand as furiously as I could, hurting myself to no ends, just to get rid of that feeling, that *terrible* feeling. It didn't work!! I retreated my hand in the sleeve of my shirt, rubbing the spot with it, then vacuum-sucked it with my mouth... AARGHH!!! It didn't go away! I sat down on the toilet, which was still completely closed. My mouth hanging open just slightly, tears starting to leave my eyes. I brushed them away with that spot Johnny had touched, hoping that would help... sobbing helplessly. About fifty tears and fifteen minutes later... I suddenly realized the feeling had left, now just leaving some kind of limb sensation in my hand. I could just barely convince myself that wasn't so bad. The very strangest thing was... even though the torture I'd just gone through... I'd actually liked Johnny's touch at the same time! How weird was that?! When I got back to class, it was just before the bell rang and I just started packing my books. I felt bad for Johnny though... maybe he thought he'd done something wrong. `Hey,' I said, `it was nice talking to you... see you around ok?' `Sure!' he said and I just kinda smiled and walked away, swinging my bag over my shoulder, hoping not to be stared at anymore. It was as if his mere look could hurt me somehow... That night I just stared out of the window looking at the night slowly falling around the environment, as I suddenly felt a hand on my shoulder. I practically jumped up and turned around, and the second later I was cursing myself for reacting like that. It was my older sister. She was 22 years old but still lived at home. She always said she'd leave the second she would get a relationship going, and work was close, so... `Sorry... startled me there.' `I just saw you sitting there and I wondered if you were alright?' My sister asked with a genuinely caring look on her face. `Yeah... yeah I'm fine! I was just watching the night fall... it's beautiful, don't you think?' I said with a smile. She kinda nodded. `Yeah... you're right, it's really beautiful... I haven't taken my time to view it for way too long actually... you know when I was your age, I always liked to watch the night fall just like that...' She seemed to sink into thoughts then, so I just went back to looking outside the window. Geez, I haven't stopped shivering since she put that hand on my shoulder... th-that hand... I swallowed... I just wanted to say I had to go to the toilets when I realized I normally didn't do that either, so I just got up to the toilets and made sure to check on my sister. She just stared into the night, not even noticing me leave. There, on the toilets to hide yet again, the ritual started. Shivering, brushing, hurting myself, crying and then doing the only thing possible... just wait until it's gone... just wait for the horrible feeling to finally leave me again... if only temporarily. I hadn't much time though, as I didn't want to attract attention to me... no problem though... I'll just get up inside my room not showing my sadness... maybe I'll even be able to act a little happy... heh. I got out of the toilet, just in time remembering to flush it, then got out, yelling to everybody who would hear it: `I'm gonna take a shower then go to bed!' Mom: `Already?' `Ow, geez, I've never been more tired for as long as I can remember... k?' `Okay okay, sure! G'night sweetheart!' She came over to kiss me I'm sure, but I pretended not to notice and just rushed up the stairs to not hear her calling after me. I laid down on the bed and just kinda stared at the ceiling for a while, feeling like my skin was tightening then releasing again... shiver! I put on the computer and surfed on internet, chatting to my friends. There I was openly gay, there I could touch, hug and even kiss people all I wanted... without the little problem I have in real life. I chatted until everybody else left, then I shut the computer down and went to bed.