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"Are you ok?" Willy asked.
I couldn't get that moment with Kendrick off of my mind. It wasn't like we had sex. We had an intimate moment and I didn't know if he remembered it. He was drunk...but it happened. In the back fo my head I knew it happened. I didn't know how to react to it. I'd been thinking about it so long. It made me happy. It gave me an extravagant feeling.
He looked unconvinced when I nodded my head. We were at the lunch room. I couldn't think of any excuse to give him except not knowing.
"Come on...tell me."
"You wouldn't understand best friend," I told him, "What if I told you I was in love..."
"What's his name?"
The lunch room was packed and noisy. I wasn't worried about people hearing. That wasn't the problem. The problem was admitting it to myself what was going on.
Just at that moment as I was about to admit to Willy what was happening, when he came up. Just by the way his arm fell over my shoulder I knew who it was. My face hit the table. It was the only way I could stop myself from squirming.
Kendrick sat down next to us, "Nelly you were supposed to wait for me...what happened to meeting outside of the gym."
"Oh damn. It's cool."
He pulled me close, tugging at my hair in a playful way. I laughed. I always laughed when he did stuff like that. I pulled away closely and noticed Willy's eyes zooming in on us. Kendrick had no type of shame of being physical with me. He was sitting so close. Our legs were damn near rubbing.
"Oh, Kendrick this is my best friend Willy..."
Willy pushed his hand forward immediately. I knew Willy would find Kendrick attracted. Willy and I had grown up together. We had come out to each other. Kendrick was both our dream guy.
Surprisingly Kendrick didn't grab his hand, "Best friend...nigga I thought I was your best friend."
"My other best friend," I laughed.
He pinched my upper thigh, "Thought so..."
I laughed again.
The whole time Willy was watching our interaction with interest. I realized Kendrick was completely ignoring him. It happened a lot though, not just with Willy. When Kendrick and I got around each other it seemed like no one else existed.
I was surprised that I was just now realizing this.
I have good news," Kendrick said looking up over at me, "I've been meaning to
tell you for awhile."
My heart skipped.
smiled, "What is it?"
"At the end of the month, there is a contest going on. A dancing contest is coming and...I put you in it."
My heart didn't just skip this time it dropped.
"It's in Miami. The winner gets to go on tour with this famous dance team...The Escalators..."
"The Escalators get paid son, are you serious?" Kendrick stated all of a sudden paying attention to Willy for a moment, "Ey, ey Wally..."
"It's Willy, actually."
Kendrick looked at him a little confused for a moment, "Oh damn sorry. Well tell your homeboy what's good. He needs to do this."
Willy leaned into me, "You need to do it."
Traitor. I knew damn well he would fall for a pretty face quick and would probably jump off a bridge of Kendrick told him to.
Kendrick leaned into me, "This could be your way out...out of the bottom. You know? This could be your big escape. Just think about it ok...for me."
I paused. He put a flier down on the table. I looked at it. The dancing contest to dance with the famous Escalators hip hop dance troupe. I had heard of them. I had watched their videos. What made Kendrick think I was good enough to dance with them?
Kendrick patted me on my back thoroughly and walked away. I saw that he was walking to his boys who had just entered the lunchroom.
I looked hard at the flier when Kendrick left. Just at that moment Willy looked up at me.
smiled, "Yo...what...the hell...was that?"
"My friend. I thought I told you about Kendrick."
"You didn't tell me it was like that."
"You two act like you're married or something," Willy stated his eyebrow raising, "What the hell was that all about? Please let me know..."
"Willy, stop it. You sound stupid."
"No you stop fronting...is that who you were going to say you were in love with..."
I could have reached trying to get a hold of Willy. He pulled back laughing. I could choke him. I was red with embarrassment. The fact that was reading me like that. I hated it.
"Well, he seems to care about you," Willy stated looking down, "Maybe you should get over your shyness. Maybe you could actually dance, you know? Maybe...you could win."
Maybe I could.
Kendrick actually believed I could.
It was after school and Kendrick had gone to study hall to find some books he left over. Just at that moment, he saw Tray there with one of the Harsh sisters. It was his girlfriend. Kendrick looked over at them. The girl was completely obsessed with him.
They made eye contact with one another. Their eyes glared at each other. It was hot.
"Yo nigga," Tray said.
Kendrick looked back at him. He didn't say anything. He just continued packing his books in his bookbag.
"I know he heard you," Bonnie Harsh started, pushing her face forward and sucking her teeth like a true hood rat.
"Yo nigga," Tray repeated.
Kendrick picked up his head, "Fuck you want homie?"
tell your nigga Louis we looking for his ass."
"We trying do something."
"Ya ain't doing shit."
Tray laughed. He got close to Kendrick. It was a little too close. Bonnie started to follow him but Tray put his hand up as though stopping her.
He got real close to Kendrick almost like whispering to him.
"Ay, I see you be around my little nigga. Dat shit gon stop, feel me?"
Tray looked back at Bonnie, almost as though making sure she wasn't paying attention. She wasn't either. She had listened to her boyfriend and had turned back and was waiting for him by the entrance of the library. She was a loyal little hoodrat.
didn't get it though. Why all the privacy. What the hell was going on?
"My nigga Corny."
Corny don't even like you dog, how is that your nigga?" Kendrick asked completely confused, "He don't even like talking about your black ass."
"Oh you got racial shit to say spick?" Tray said balling his fist up.
"Not here homie...but soon."
"Yeah real soon..."
Kendrick shook his head trying to shake off Tray as he walked out of library. He walked past Tray completely. As he got to the door he saw Bonnie.
He gave her a look. He wanted to call her a stupid cunt for being with a dude like that, but he just decided not to pay her any attention.
He couldn't get it off his mind as he walked out of the school. What the hell was that all about?
Something shady was going on.
Just as he got started leaving the school he saw Claudia and Priscilla. They were together as usual and they seemed to be waiting for a ride or something. Pretty girls like that never walked home or took the bus. They always got rides.
Kendrick waved his hands stopping them.
"Oh...look who it is?" Claudia stated, giving Priscilla a nudge.
Priscilla smiled. Her smile was gorgeous to him. He couldn't deny that. All he wanted to do was see that smile all night, but still that wasn't the first thing on his mind. He was worried. He was really worried about Corny.
"Yo," he said to Priscilla.
"What's up boo. You about to ask me on my first date?"
raised her eyebrow disappointed, "That wasn't the reason you came over here was
"What is it then?"
something going on. There's something
going on with Tray and your little brother."
Priscilla sighed, "Kendrick, leave it alone...Jesus Christ..."
"Just keep an eye out ok?" Kendrick asked.
Claudia looked at me, "Kendrick you are kind of reaching here."
Kendrick started, "Just pay attention ok?
It could be...it could be something bad you know?"
"I'll talk to Bonnie about it."
"Her head is so far up his ass she probably wouldn't even care."
"Whoa, Kendrick that's my sister," Claudia quickly replied putting her hand up, "I understand you are concerned but this is family. We look out for each other. That goes for Bonnie...and Corny."
Kendrick nodded and went on his way.
Kendrick moved to the other side of the room. His heart racing.
He pushed up on the back of the door and didn't say anything. All he could do was make a noise. He grunted as he stood against the school. He was wondering what the hell was going on. It was eating him up inside. Corny was innocent. Corny was the most innocent cat he had met in a long time. He had a such a nice...maybe even beautiful soul.
He couldn't let anything happen to him.
Tray had walked in on me using the bathroom. Bonnie was just on the other side of the hallway. It wasn't night time. Tray was finding any excuse to come over the house now. He was constantly over there. No one cared. No one noticed how he kept disappearing all the dam time.
"Tray I'm not doing that..."
I was on the toilet. I was squatted over on the toilet. I had thought I had locked the door but I guess I didn't. It didn't matter now though. He had come into the bathroom and this time he made sure he locked the door.
He pulled his dick out.
It was long and skinny just like him. He swung the head over by my lips over and over. I didn't open it. I looked away.
thought came to my head. What if I bit it off? What if I bit it
It was almost like he read my thoughts as he finally got his dick past my lips and he whispered quickly, "You bite it off I'm going to kill you homie. You hear me? Then I'm going to find your little faggot friend Kendrick and I'm going to kill his ass too."
He was smart. I opened my mouth. I didn't do anything as he kept gyrating his hips, sending his dick deeper and deeper into my mouth. He made loud grunting noises.
He looked down at me, "Suck that dick. Imagine I was him. I see how you look at him. Why don't you look at me like that? I want you to look at me like that ok..."
I didn't say anything. I didn't look at him at all. He couldn't force me to do that and he knew it. I just allowed him to keep penetrating my mouth. It was no big deal. Shit...he thought he was doing something big to me, but he wasn't. My heart wasn't in it.
He could do whatever.
This wasn't your stepfather raping you. This wasn't some low threat doing something to you. He was dangerous. He had no problem shooting me in the head and leaving me dead here. He had done it before. They called him Killa Tray for a reason.
He had more bodies then anyone else in the bottom, in any gang. He was a murderer and I had reason to be afraid.
Don't judge me...
Don't look at me like that.
He had finished fucking my mouth, but usually that wasn't enough. He would usually start saying little things about my ass.
He'd say, "Damn, get up I wanna see that ass. Why don't you just get up? Damn you got a fat ass. Your ass fatter then Bonnie. Come on yo, just get up. Stop acting like you don't want this dick. Yo get up. Oh yeah, just like that, turn like that. Oh , lean on that wall, I just want to see it. Taste it. Touch it. Touch it. Touch it. Just let me put it in. Why you acting like a bitch? I'm going to take it easy way or the hard way. Pretend I'm that nigga Kendrick. Damn your ass is fatter than Bonnie's. Your ass is so much more wetter then Bonnie's. It feels like a tight pussy. Your ass is so much more fatter than Bonnie's ass..."
He would say things like that.
And then he would take me. He would fuck me and this time I was on the bathroom floor when he was done and my ass was bleeding.
And when he opened the door, I could see that Bonnie was standing right behind it.
He was still shoving his dick in his pants. My pants were still down. I was laying on the rug and my ass was bleeding a little bit on the rug.
Bonnie's eyes started to water almost instantly, "What the fuck...what the fuck are you doing to my little brother?"
"You ain't see shit..." Tray said.
"NO!" Bonnie said quickly, "What the FUCK were you doing to him!"
She was getting loud. I knew Priscilla and Claudia weren't home, but my mother was. Tonnet was probably out on the porch smoking a blunt. My mother should have been around though! Why didn't my mother hear Bonnie? She was too busy to hear her.
"Bitch you didn't hear shit? You hear me?"
"I love you," Bonnie replied almost instantly, "You...you did this to me? Look at him. He's on the floor in pain. That is my blood. It's bad enough you going to cheat on me with one of my siblings, but its not even my sister. It's my baby brother? So not only are you a dog but you are a fag too!"
Just at that moment Tray slapped the mess out of my sister.
It sent her flying onto the floor. He grabbed her and threw her into the bathroom.
I tried to get up and swing something at him. I somehow managed to miss though. Tray was a boxer. He knew how to fight. He dodged my punch and sent my face onto the toilet, almost making my jaw collapse on me.
Blood gushed from my face and all over the bathroom floor.
"NO!" Bonnie started crying immediately.
"Now clean this mess up," he told her, "If your pussy was a little bit tighter maybe I wouldn't be fucking your brother. And you gaining weight, over there looking fucking sloppy. Matter of fact, your bed is softer. So tonight I'm going to go get your brother and bring him in your bed to fuck him. Ok bitch. Say something now you dumb bitch. I own that ass. You bet ya fucking life on it. Say something now you dumb bitch? Say something."
He leaned over to her, his hand raised ready to smack her.
"Ok...I'll bring him tonight. Ok..." Bonnie said, tearing up so heavily that it made me want to get off the toilet and try to go at him again, but I couldn't stop the bleeding from my mouth yet.
"Ok what bitch?"
"Ok daddy," Bonnie replied.
"Help your brother clean up this fucking mess. I can't have your sisters finding out about this shit. Especially that loud mouth bitch Claudia. I don't want to have to kill a bitch. Make this here bathroom spotless."
He slammed the door and left.
Bonnie was quiet. She shook her head almost not believing this was happening to her. She didn't look at me. I wondered why.
"You knew he was doing this to me?" I asked.
Bonnie nodded, "I ... I didn't want to believe it...I thought you were asking for it. Damn it...maybe you were. Why do you always have to wear small jeans? Why don't you wear baggy jeans like the other dudes around here? He wouldn't have been able to see your ass...damn it..."
"Bonnie what the hell?" I asked her.
She got quiet again.
She knew she sounded crazy. She didn't stop crying as she started to clean the floor and I just watched her from the toilet. She was doing exactly as he said. Then she turned her rag to me and started to wipe up my face. She was very gentle.
I had never seen Bonnie like this. She was always the proud Queen Pin. Her boyfriend was high in the gang. He was on the same level as Tonetta and Tonetta had been in the gang for years before him, but he had more bodies and he was man so he shot up to her level quickly.
"I'm going to kill him..." I said, "Next time he puts his hands on me."
"Don't talk like that..."
"I have to..."
"Don't talk like that or I'll tell him."
"You wouldn't," I said looking at her confused, "You see what he is doing to me. Do you see how he is treating you? Why would you tell him? What the FUCK is wrong with you Bonnie? You can't be that stupid."
"You wouldn't understand love."
"He doesn't love you."
"Fuck you! He does love me. Fuck you! What you think he loves you cause he fucks you. You aint nothing but a piece of ass to him. He loves me. You fucking fag. I can't believe this. I'm competing with a fag over my man. I can't believe this shit."
I looked at her. I wanted to slap her again. We were always the furthest two from being close even growing up.
"You are a fool for him."
"A fool!" she said pounding on the rug, "I fucking love him! You always get the attention from men don't you. Growing up, dad always loved you. He always cared about you more. His only son. You were the fucking trophy of the family. I always had to get attention from outside. I finally found someone who actually cares. He actually cares where I go...what I do. Dad never gave a fuck. He only cared about you."
"Don't you see...he is only trying to control you," he stated, "He doesn't care. Dad cared."
"Dad is gone now. It doesn't matter. All for the best I guess."
"For the BEST?" I wanted to choke her, "Are you fucking serious sis? This is your father. This is your flesh and blood."
"He abandoned us. When we needed him most. And now our mom did the same. I don't have anyone. You have all these boys looking at you. You think I'm blind like Priscilla or Claudia. I see how that boy Kendrick gives you so much attention. He isn't enough. Dad isn't enough. Now you had to take Tray."
"Fuck Tray. No one gives a fuck about Tray but YOU!" I said, "Sweetie. You are so fucking pathetic. I swear. I've been meaning to tell you that for a long time now.
She got quiet and whispered, "Stop it. Stop it."
"I'm going to kill Tray. I don't care what you say. Go ahead tell him. Warn him like a weak little cunt."
"Please...don't do this."
"You are begging me...for HIM."
"I need him. I love him."
I looked at her. I couldn't believe my ears. This was really unheard of.
"He loves me...I know he does," Bonnie continued, starting to wipe the rug again making sure all the stains for her man was out, "If my man was fighting...some unholy war. I'd be beside him. It's him I'm fighting for."
"That will all come to an end very soon. It's either him or me. You choose Bonnie."
"I'm not going to make that choice."
"You have to."
She paused again and took my hand, "Look wait..."
She put my hand against her stomach.
"Don't you feel it kicking? Haven't you realized I've been gaining weight? I'm pregnant. It belongs to Tray. Don't you see little brother? I need him. I'm having his baby..."