Date: Fri, 25 Jan 2002 09:46:50 -0800 (PST) From: Dwayne Subject: Brian and Pete Chapter 10 Brian and Pete Chapter Ten Paranoia Copyright Notice - Copyright (c)September 2001 by DeweyWriter Ltd. This story is copyrighted by the author and the author retains all rights. This work may not be duplicated in any form, physical, electronic, audio, or otherwise without the authors expressed permission. All applicable copyright laws apply and will be enforced. Legal Disclaimer This story is a work of erotic fiction involving teenage boys partially based on real people and events. Names have been changed to protect the guilty as well as the innocent. All the usual rules apply. If it is illegal for you to be reading this now, then don't continue on. Please visit my website at http://members.tripod.com/dewey.ftlop. ----------- We made love that night, all night long. It still amazes me how close Pete and I can be but still not go all the way, and feel completely satisfied. I think we finally dozed off about five the next morning. No one bothered us at all. I'm not sure why they didn't. Maybe it was the noise we made? We slept in until noon. I woke up first, but just lay there, listening to Pete's heartbeat, feeling his breathing, and enjoying the warmth of his body against me. It was times like this that made me the happiest. Sure, sex is great, but it's the quiet moments that really make me happy. I examined at the ring he'd given me. It was plain white gold, about a quarter-inch wide, with rounded edges. Wearing the ring felt weird. I'd never had one before, and certainly not one that meant so much to me. The inscription was exactly what I needed to hear from him. 'You are good enough for me.' I was engaged, or what amounted to being engaged. Pete had effectively asked me to marry him, Of course I said yes! It still felt like a dream. He was sixteen, I was fifteen, and we were engaged. It had definitely surprised me. Tears came to my eyes as I snuggled in closer to Pete. His face was so peaceful in sleep, not a care in the world. I hugged him tightly, clinging to him, never wanting to let go. "Morning, Bri." I guess I'd squeezed him too hard. "Morning, babe." He smiled and pulled me harder against him. "Did you sleep well?" "Like a baby, thanks to you." I squeezed him tighter. If either of us had added more pressure, I swear we would've merged. "You've made me very happy, Pete." He smiled again and kissed my forehead. "I'm glad, baby. You made me happy, too." We lay there in a companionable silence, letting our minds until Pete's growling stomach brought us back to earth. I giggled and patted his belly. "Hungry?" He glanced at his stomach and said, "Guess so. What time is it?" Pete stretched out on the bed, his joints cracking and popping. "After twelve." "Geez. We wasted half the day." "I don't think it's been a waste." Pete smiled. "Neither do I. I wouldn't have traded last night for anything." He kissed my forehead again. "Me either. I love you, Pete," I whispered. "I love you too, Brian," he whispered back. "Do we have time?" "Guess so. No one's been by so far." He smiled. "Come here, lover." --ooOOoo-- I still don't believe he said YES! Omigod, I'm so happy! Brian is mine! And I'm his! I'm the happiest guy alive! That night was the greatest in my life up to that point. We didn't do anything we hadn't done before, but there was a special magic to it, a feeling we've had ever since. I can't describe it. We were definitely closer than we'd ever been that night. God, I still don't believe it. I didn't bother telling anyone what I'd planned, because I didn't want to hear a chorus of "You're too young to make that kind of commitment," or, "How can you know what love is when you're only sixteen." All right, I admit Kevin probably wouldn't have said anything, but Sharon probably would've, and Brian's parents definitely would have. But, it doesn't matter now. Brian had finally committed to me! Sure, he still had his doubts, and to be perfectly honest, I did too, but I guess every relationship has times like that. The key is working together and communication. We stayed in bed that day until Kevin knocked on the door. He didn't enter until we told him he could come in, after the mad scramble for boxers and shorts. He was all smiles as he sat at the desk chair. "Afternoon, guys." The gleam in his eye told me he knew something had changed. Then I realized that Brian and I had never stayed in our room all day before. I guess it was kind of obvious. "Is there something I should know?" "Yes, there is." Brian said, wearing a grin of his own. He grabbed me and hugged me tight. "I'm pregnant!" Omigod. I can't believe he said that! Kevin doubled over laughing. I was torn between shock and amusement, amusement finally winning out. Brian was chuckling at his own joke, too. Kevin wound down into a fit of giggles, finally able to speak. "Pregnant. Great!" He giggled a bit more, and then asked again. "Is there anything else I should know?" Brian raised his hand to show Kevin the ring. That got his attention fast. "Okay... someone tell me what this means, please?" "It's a commitment ring," I said. "It's my promise to Brian that he's all I want." "Yeah," Brian said, "I guess we're engaged." He kissed me on the cheek and squeezed me tightly. Kevin looked thoughtful, rubbing his chin. "Are you sure this is a wise idea?" "What could it possibly hurt?" I said. "Everyone who knows we're together knows it's for the long haul. He's wearing it on his right hand- purposely I might add- so no one will get the 'wrong idea'. The ring is plain, nothing that is specifically a wedding band look, or out of character for a kid our age to wear. I mean..." I sighed in frustration. "I though you of all people would be happy for us, taking this big step forward." "Pete, Brian, I am very happy for both of you. You know I love you guys. My concern was that you hadn't thought this out. That's all." He scratched his head. "Brian, are you going to tell your parents?" "If they ask, I'll tell them Pete gave it to me. I know them well enough to know that's all they will ask." "And if they ask if there is a significance to it?" "They won't, but if they ask," Brian responded, "I'll tell them the truth. If they can't handle it now, then they'll never be able to." He was getting upset. "I think you don't give your parents enough credit, Brian." I interjected, "It doesn't matter right this moment. We'll deal with that when the time comes." Kevin nodded, realizing he was treading on thin ice. "Are you two going to stay in bed, or do you plan on getting up today?" "We'll get up," Brian said. "I'm hungry. But I want to take a shower first." "Me too," I said. "Okay, but don't use all the hot water, guys." "We won't," Brian and I chorused. Kevin shook his head, still smiling, and said as he left us to clean up, "Oh, and crack a window. It smells like a locker room in here." We looked at each other, grinned, and rolled out of bed. We had as much fun in the shower as we'd had out of it. ----- It was four when we finally made it downstairs. Jason and Ray were sitting on the couch watching TV. They both smiled knowingly as we passed. Brian and I sat in the loveseat against the wall. "Did you guys have a good night?" Ray asked. Leave it to him. Brian surprised me with his answer. "Not really. I didn't get to sleep until early this morning." "Uh huh, and why didn't you get to sleep?" "I had something on my mind, and it kept me awake." "Yeah, like Peter on your mind." The double meaning was not lost on either of us. Brian shrugged, but gave me a half grin. "I can't think of anything else I'd rather have to keep me awake." Seeing he wasn't going to get a rise out of us, Ray let it go. Jason's expression was a mixture of amusement and happiness, but there was a shadow hanging over him as well. He watched Brian and me for a moment as we settled in to watch TV, then sighed, and turned back to the tube himself. I couldn't blame him for being down. Sharon had abandoned him. His mother has thrown him away, and maybe her marriage too. That would bring anybody down. All we could do was be here to support him as he dealt with everything. Kevin was keeping up a good fa^Çade. He was as chipper as always, but behind it we could see the strain in his eyes. He'd been dealt a staggering, life changing shock, too. Someone he thought he knew, someone he loved, someone he wanted to spend his life with had left him in the lurch. The reason didn't matter. It was just the fact that it had happened. I felt it too, but not to the extent Kevin, Jason, and Ray did. They had lost their major support when Sharon had left. I still had Brian. Another thing was, while I loved her, it wasn't as a mother, but more as a friend. It's much easier to deal with a friend who walks out, compared to what they had to deal with. Brian didn't say anything one way or another. He'd been carefully neutral throughout this whole thing, not saying anything bad about Sharon. I know him better than he thinks I do, and I could tell what a hard time he had doing that. The anger burned brightly in his eyes. We sat watching TV for an hour or so before Kevin came down from the office. He looked tired, but there was a spring in his step. "I have to go to court tomorrow, boys. There's a critical case I've been working on, and the judge moved up the timetable on me. I may be going in the rest of the week." "What's it about, Dad?" Ray asked. "You know I can't tell you that until the case is over, Ray." "Yeah, but I was hoping you might tell us anyway." Kevin grinned and shook his head. "I'm not that easy." "Um, Dad?" "Yes, Ray?" "I know this isn't the best time, but... uh... have you made any progress on my case?" Kevin sighed, giving Brian and I a warning glance. "It's slow going, son. We're doing everything we can. I'd tell you if there were any significant developments. You know that." Ray was obviously disappointed. "Yeah, I know. I was just hopin'." "It'll happen when it happens. That's all I can tell you. But we haven't given up." "Okay." Kevin patted Ray's shoulder in sympathy. "Who's hungry?" Everyone but Jason raised a hand. "Okay. We're going to try our hand at some steaks. Pete, you broil, Brian, you man the fire extinguisher." "Gee, thanks for the vote of confidence, Dad," I said sarcastically. "No problem! Ray, you have salad duty." "Okay..." Kevin sat down next to Jason as the rest of us went to work fixing dinner. I know I shouldn't have, but I listened in to their conversation. "Jason," Kevin said, "You need to eat, son." "I'm not hungry." "I know. I'm not either. But we need to take care of ourselves. It does us no good to starve." "I'm not starving myself." "You know what I mean. I can tell you're angry, hurt, and feel alone. Jason, I feel the same way." "I'm only angry with her." "I know, I know." Kevin sighed deeply. "Jason, I shouldn't say this. Every shrink in the world would condemn me for it. But look at it this way. If you let her leaving do this to you, then she's won." Jason's glare startled me. His eyes flicked to me before settling on his father. "You don't want to let her win do you?" "All right, I'll eat. But we need to talk more. In private." Again Jason shifted his gaze to meet mine, but he wasn't angry. I felt I needed to say something. "I'm sorry for eavesdropping, Jason. I know it doesn't excuse it, but I'm worried about you, too. Both of you. We all are." "I know, bro. I don't blame you." "Sorry Kevin." "It's okay. But you better get cookin' or I'll beat your butt." "Promises!" I said, giving him a 'yeah, right' expression. Dinner was actually good. Everything came out perfectly, and Brian didn't have to use the fire extinguisher once. The atmosphere was rather subdued, though. Jason and Kevin were both lost in their thoughts again. Brian was quiet, because he sensed the tension in the air. Ray was stuffing his mouth, so he didn't have time to talk. After everyone finished eating, we all just sat around the table. A few comments were exchanged, but not much more than that. I did notice that Brian kept playing with his ring, looking at it, turning it. I would see the corner of his mouth turn up in a smile every now and then. At least Brian wasn't completely depressed. The phone rang as I was clearing off the table. Kevin answered it and handed it to Brian. "Hi, Dad. Yeah, I know. A lot has happened here and I needed to stay. I'm sorry I didn't call. No, I can't tell you. It's not my place. When? I'd rather stay here if you don't mind, Dad. No, because they need me right now. You'll have to ask Kevin. No! It's over and done with. I told you that. Let it go. Okay. I'll put him back on. Love you, too, Dad. "Kevin?" Brian handed him the phone "Thanks, Brian," Kevin said. "Hi Ben. Yeah. Pretty much. No, I don't think so. I'd rather tell you in person. Can you come over? Or I can come over there. Good. I'll see you in an hour. Bye." Kevin hung up. "Dad's coming over?" Brian asked. "Yup. He's worried, too." "I'm not leaving." Brian reflexively grabbed my hand, which was on the table. "I doubt he'll make you, but he would like to spend time with you." "If you have to go," I said, "it'll be okay." Brian shook his head. "No, it wouldn't. It's my turn to be here for you. For all of you." Ray smirked. "Payback time?" "Sort of. I'm not doing this because I owe you, which I do. I here because want to be here." "Thank you, Brian." Jason was tearing up a bit, his voice low. Kevin gripped his shoulder. "Thank you," Kevin said. "Now do you see why you belong here? Why you're part of the family?" Brian nodded. I could tell he was touched and squeezed his hand. He looked at me and smiled. "Hey, Brian," Ray said, "Where'd you get the ring?" Brian smiled wider and said, "Pete gave it to me." "What's the occasion?" Ray asked. Brian looked to me to answer the question, so I told the truth. "Well, more or less, it's an engagement ring." "Huh?" "That's great, guys!" Jason came around and gave us both a hug "I'm happy for you both." "Thanks, Jase." Brian was so happy at that moment. "Thanks, Jason." Ray was clearly confused. "I don't get it." Kevin said, "Ray, Brian and Pete have committed themselves to each other. It's like they're engaged." "Like, to be married?" "Well, yes, but they can't be legally married... yet." "I still don't get it. You guys have been together since you met again, and you've been saying you're going to stay together for the rest of your lives. Why the ring?" "I got him the ring," I said, "because I wanted to remind him he's never alone, and that I love him." "Oh. All right. I understand now." Jason asked, "Who knows?" "Just you guys. And for now, I want to keep it that way. If my parents find out..." Brian trailed off, shaking his head. "What's the worst they could do?" Jason's pragmatic question caught Brian and me off- guard. "Keep us apart," Brian answered quickly. "At the risk losing you completely, Brian? I don't think so." "They could make things damn difficult." "True, but to what point? Look Brian," Jason said, "You're holding your parents hostage. They're afraid that, if they do or say anything that appears to have a negative impact on your relationship, you'll cut them off again." "But I told them that I'd accept whatever decisions they made." "You told them that just a week after you and Pete were reunited. You two have spent nearly four months together, uninterrupted for the most part, and are, uh, engaged. It makes a difference. You know if they said you couldn't see any of us again, that you'd defy them." "What's your point, Jason?" "My point is you aren't aware of the power you hold over your parents. They love you. They want to spend time with you. You're going to be sixteen in September. You'll be eighteen in two years and some. That's not very much time for them to be with you, you lost so much time before. It'd be stupid to waste what you have left. "They're very afraid that they're going to lose you again. The slightest slip, and, poof, you're gone, and there's nothing they can do about it. They're walking on broken glass." "Okay, so what do you want me to do about it?" "Do? I don't want you to do anything. I can't tell you how to live your life. But you might want to think about what I've said. In every relationship, there are two sets of parents, and both deserve your time and attention." Kevin had remained silent as Jason spoke, listening to his words. When Jason fell quiet, Kevin added, "Your parents really do love you. Ben and Lisa are good people who made some mistakes that cost all of you time. You say it's over and done with; it's in the past. Is it?" Brian thought for a minute before he answered. "For the most part. It's still reflexive to hate them. I try not to, but the pain's still there." "Do you let it stop you?" Brian thought again. "Yeah, I suppose I do in a way. I try to avoid seeing them. I don't really want to go over to where Dad's staying, because I don't know what to say or do. I feel like a guest, almost." "You really don't know each other that well," Kevin replied. "You lived with them for a while before you came up here. Since you've been here, you've changed a lot." Brian frowned. "Yes, you have. You've matured some, and you're growing. I can see the difference in you right now, physically. Emotionally, you've probably grown a couple years in the last four months." Brian snorted. "Yeah, like I believe that," he said flippantly. Jason said, "Remember when you first got here and you started school? Do you remember what you were doing?" Brian blushed in shame, dropping his eyes. I squeezed his hand again. "And how about now? You're not so wrapped up in yourself. You care about other people more. You're more friendly than you were." "That's exactly what I mean," Kevin replied. "I don't feel different," Brian mumbled. "Trust me, you are," Ray inserted. "You used to be a huge asshole. At one point I asked Pete why he was still putting up with you; why he didn't just send you home. But for some reason, he held out hope you'd turn around, and he was right. Now, you're a decent person. Still a bit of an ass, but a good guy." Brian gave Ray a wry smile at the backhanded compliment. "Gee, thanks, Ray." "Anytime," Ray answered with a grin "There's no reason," I said, "that I can't stay over at your parents place with you, Bri." "I don't know how they'd take it." "Well, then, ask." Jason said. "Yeah, Bri, ask. If they say yes, then great! If they say no, then we'll figure it out." "And I'll talk to your parents as well, Brian. Remember, I've been living with you two in the same bedroom for the last couple months, too. Usually, there's no problem. A bit of noise, occasionally, but that's it." We both blushed at that statement. "I think what your parents are most concerned about," Kevin continued, "is how to deal with you two. It's not the same as having two boys in different rooms, like brothers. They have to acknowledge your sexuality, and it's going to be right in front of them every day, from when you get up together in the morning, to when you go to bed at night. They'll probably have questions for me, which I'll answer honestly... including any misgivings I might have." Brian glanced at me, but didn't say anything. "Do they treat you as two separate boys? How do they treat you as a couple? How do they react to you two having sex? What do they tell your sister when she asks the inevitable questions, and what do they say when she wants to have sex with a boyfriend?" "I'm not feeling any better about this, guys." Brian seemed discouraged. "Everything you're telling me seems to go against my parents ever accepting Pete and me, or allowing us to stay together." "Brian," Kevin said, "Everything I've been saying is to make you aware of your parents' position, and what they're dealing with, that's all. For God's sake, boy, you're practically married!" Unconsciously, Brian played with the ring in his lap. "Yeah," he said with a dreamy smile, "I am." He gave me a kiss on the cheek. By the time we had everything cleaned up, it was just about time for Ben to arrive. We boys sat in the living room watching the TV, while Kevin worked upstairs, doing who knows what. Brian answered the door and let his father in. He gave Ben a huge hug, kind of hanging on him for a minute. Ben was surprised, but he didn't say or do anything to indicate that to Brian. If he noticed the ring, he gave no sign. "Hi, Ben. Come on up. Brian, stop hanging on your dad long enough to get him a drink. What'll you have?" "A coke would be fine." "Sure, Dad." Brian went into the kitchen as Kevin said, "Maybe I can find something to put in that coke for you." Ben smiled and said, "Sounds good to me." "Pete, tell Brian to bring me a coke too, and have him bring them up, please." "Okay, Dad." I got up and followed Brian. He was leaning against the table, breathing deeply, head down. "Are you okay, Bri?" "I'm not sure whether to jump up and down or piss my pants." I moved around and hugged him from behind. He was shaking like a leaf. "I'm so happy, but I'm scared too." "I understand, baby." He turned in my arms and hugged me tightly. "Kevin wants a coke, too." "Okay. I'll get him one." I brushed his hair back from his eyes, and he looked up at me. "I love you, Brian." He sighed and melted into me. "I love you too," he whispered. We stood there for a few minutes, giving Brian time to calm his nerves. Kevin called, "Where're those cokes?" "On the way!" Brian got another coke out of the fridge. "Do you want me to take them up?" I asked. "No, I can do it. I'm okay now." "All right. I'll be waiting for you." He smiled again, and left for the office. --ooOOoo-- I climbed the stairs to the office, cokes in hand. The door was still open so I just walked in and put them on the wet bar. Then I realized Kevin already had cokes up here. What was he up to? "Thank you, Brian." "No problem." "Brian?" "Yeah, Dad?" "Are you okay?" "Sure. What makes you ask?" "You were shaking when I came in." Oh, Jesus. I didn't think I was that bad. "I'm all right. Just feeling kind of... strange, with all that's happened. A lot on my mind, you know?" "Well," Kevin said, "he doesn't yet, but I'm just about to tell him. Do you want to stay?" Nice hint, Kevin. Do you think I want to stay here- alone- while you tell Dad about Pete and I? Fuck- NO! "I don't think so. Pete's waiting on me downstairs, and I want you two to be able to... talk." Dad gave me a strange look, and then glanced at Kevin, whose expression was inscrutable. I got out of the room while the gettin' was good. What's up with that? Kevin put me on the spot! I prayed he wouldn't spill the beans. I wanted to tell them when I thought the time was right, not when he thought it was. I started winding myself up, furious with his transparent attempt to make me tell my father. Downstairs, nothing had changed. I stalked to my place beside Pete, and sat down hard, surprising him. "All right, what happened?" "I can't believe he would do that to me." "Who did what to you?" Jason asked. "Kevin. He told me to get a couple of cokes from down here and take them up to the office for him and Dad." "So?" "He's got a fully stocked wet bar up there! Dad asks me how I'm doing, and then Kevin invites me to stay while he talks to my Dad. He tried to trap me!" Jason frowned. "It's possible that the bar was out of soda, Brian." "Even if that's so, he set me up!" "But he let you go when he saw you weren't cooperating, right?" "Yeah, well, it sure seems like he tried to trap me." "Dad knows how you feel about this, Brian. He wouldn't force you into a confrontation. Maybe he wanted you to stay so you wouldn't wonder what he told your dad." "Yeah, but..." I sighed in frustration. "Brian," Ray said, "you're just paranoid." I was instantly white hot, but my rage drained away as fast as it came. "Maybe. Could be I'm imagining things." "It's okay, Bri. I understand why you might have thought that," Pete said. "Me too," Jason said, "but I don't think Dad would ever do that to anyone." "I'm sorry Jason, Ray." "For what?" "For flying off the handle like that." For making a complete ass of myself. "Don't worry, Bro. That's why we're here," Ray said. We watched TV for a couple hours. About nine o'clock, Dad and Kevin came down from the office. "If there's anything I can do to help out, Kevin, please let me know." "I will Ben. We'll make it through." "I know you will. Brian, Pete, would you guys mind coming over on Saturday to help me get things arranged at the house?" "Uh, Sure, Dad. What time?" "Whenever you two get up and around. Preferably in the morning." I prayed again that Kevin hadn't said more than he should. Dad smiled, making me squirm more, before turning back to Kevin. "If there's anything I can do for any of you, call me. See you boys, later." We said goodbye. Pete rose and yawned, stretching expansively. "I'm going to bed. Night, all." "Night, Bro." "Night, Pete. Sleep well." "I'm sure I will, Jason. You too." I followed Pete upstairs, but my curiosity got the best of me. I went to the office and opened the little fridge in the bar. There was one coke in it. In the trash was a single can. I snorted, turned around and just about jumped out of my skin. Kevin had snuck up behind me. "Find what you were looking for, son?" "Yeah. Jason told you?" "Mmm hmm. Brian, I would never do that to you, or any of my boys. Jason was right about my reason for asking you to stay too." Chastened, I dropped my eyes. "I'm sorry I doubted you. I'm just so scared where my parents are concerned." "Hey," he said softly. I raised my eyes to his. "I can understand why you thought what you did. It's okay. You haven't had a lot of trust in your life until recently, and it's hard to break old habits, and I wanted to give you the chance to stay, and maybe build the trust between us." "Thanks." "Now, as far as your parents are concerned, I'm going to do what I can for you. I'll act as your advocate with them, but if they make a decision, I can't stop them." "I know. That's what scares me." "I really think you should consider telling your dad about you and Pete, and your plans. I think he can handle it, and it's a good opportunity to place some trust back into your relationship with them." "Sure enough to bet your life?" Kevin considered, and then answered, "Not quite yet, then. I'll try to prepare them though. You know," he said softly, "someone has to make the first move. When they allowed you to stay with us, it showed a certain measure of their trust in you. Maybe it's time to show you trust them, and are willing to rebuild your relationship with them?" "But what if they say no?" Kevin pulled me into a rough embrace. "Try not to focus on that. Focus on Pete, and how happy you are together. Enjoy the time you have together, both during the day and the night. Just be safe, okay? That's all I ask. That, and don't make too much noise." He released me and grinned. "Were we really that loud?" "No, not really. I wouldn't have heard you if I hadn't gone into the office. I admit I listened at the door for a moment until I was sure everything was okay, but I left you alone after that." I couldn't believe we were talking about him hearing Pete and me making love. "We're being safe, Kevin. We'll talk to you if we decide to... change things." "I know you will, Brian. I'll let you go. Pete's wondering where you are, I bet." "Thanks, Kevin. For everything." "Anything for my sons, son." He ruffled my hair, and then walked to his room. I didn't move until he was out of sight, wondering how many people were lucky enough to have someone like Kevin in their lives. Pete came out of our room as I was walking down the hall. "I was wondering where you were. Thought I was going to have to pull you out of the toilet." "Nope, Kevin was talking to me." He frowned. "Are you okay, Brian?" "Yeah, just being stupid." "Hey. None of that. Get ready for bed. I'll be there in a minute." "Yes, daddy." He smiled, and I stripped for bed. When he came back, he turned out the light, slipped in beside me, and snuggled close. To my surprise, I was exhausted, and we fell asleep in each other's arms. ----- I was crawling through a gutter or ditch with fog all around me, the scent of freshly turned earth heavy in the air. The dead leaves under me crackled at I clawed my way forward. A full moon glowered evilly at me, but it didn't illuminate the scene around me. I could see tortured, leafless tree branches cross its face as I inched ahead. Whispering filled my ears, but I didn't understand what they were saying. I couldn't see anyone, but there was a palpable presence nearby. It was difficult to move at all. My arms and legs felt as though some invisible force was holding them back, resisting my motion. It was nearly impossible to move at all. It seemed like I had been fighting my way for an hour, all the time the whispers getting closer, louder, but no more intelligible. Fear blossomed in my heart. I knew I had to escape, but from what I didn't know. I redoubled my struggle. In response, a crushing weight came to rest on my back. It became even more difficult to move my arms and legs. The whispering was right above me, in my ear. I could now make out what these demons were saying. "Give up, you'll never get away from us. You're ours. You have been ours from the beginning. Your soul belongs to us." Another voice said, "Why fight us? You know we're going to get you, no matter how much you resist us. It's no use! Give in now." Evil laughter echoed in my ears as struggled futilely. Suddenly I realized I was dreaming, having a nightmare, but those voices kept trying to pull me back, to hold me in this black horror, to submerge me in this evil. I screamed and screamed for help, but no answer came. I couldn't fight them forever, and already my strength was waning. In my last gasp of semi-consciousness, I grabbed Pete's arm, focusing on the sensation of touch as an anchor to the waking world. "Brian? Are you okay?" Desperately, I listened to Pete's voice, following it out of the darkness toward him, and safety. Howls of rage followed me, retreating only when I was fully aware of where I was. "Brian, what's wrong?" Pete's concern was plain in his voice. When I could breathe, I said, "I had a nightmare. A bad one." "You were thrashing around, and kicked me right before you grabbed me." He pulled me close, holding me while my breathing returned to normal and the shaking stopped. "Are you okay?" I didn't answer, just resting in the refuge of his arms. "Bri?" "I'm all right. I just... I'm... I..." "It's okay, baby. It's okay. I have you." Then I was crying. When I regained control, Pete lay back, still holding me, and returned to sleep. I, however, didn't. I wasn't sure I would ever sleep again. ----- That morning, Pete had asked me what my nightmare was about. I couldn't describe it fully to him, at least not to my satisfaction. It still frightened me. We all settled into a routine. Thursday and Friday passed with no major incidents. Ray and Jason were getting restless, sniping and bickering with each other in frustration, coping in their own ways. Pete tried not to get involved, but inevitably he'd be drawn into the fighting. I stayed in the background as much as I could. Kevin wasn't around much the rest of the week either, spending more time at the office than in all the time I'd known him. He gave no hint at the progress of Ray's case though, avoiding the subject completely even when Ray and Jason weren't around. Saturday morning, I woke early, before six. It'd been awhile since I had gone on a run, so I figured it was a good time. After getting out of the house, I ran toward the park at a decent pace. The weather was cold and foggy, a light mist falling. It seemed the whole world was asleep. It was a different experience for me, running almost blindly through the neighborhood and into the park. The sense of isolation was almost complete. I let my mind blank out, as it often did when I was running, paying attention only to what I was doing. I kept my run short, though, because I wanted to lift a bit after I got back. When I returned to the house, everyone was still in bed. The workshop, which was actually more of a weight room, sat behind the garage. It had been added as an afterthought well before the Patterson's had bought the house, but it had been finished, having wall paneling and a heating unit. It was big enough to hold a weight bench, some dumbbells, and a stationary bike no one ever used. There was more room for jumping rope or doing other space intensive exercises. Jason had added a mini-stereo system, too. Some of his harder CDs were there as well. I chose Metallica's black album, turned up the volume a bit, and did some light presses. I didn't want to use much weight. I didn't have a spotter; it wouldn't be safe. After several sets, I switched to the dumbbells, and did some curls, and finished up crunches and push-ups, just as the music ended. For not having a heavy workout, I was sweating up a storm. I made my way upstairs to take my shower, and was surprised to find the bathroom occupied. Back in our room, I saw that Pete was out of bed. Grinning to myself, I stripped down to my shorts and joined him in the shower. After getting cleaned up, Pete and I fixed a pancake breakfast. Kevin came down as we were finishing, so we threw some more on for him. He looked tired and worn. He didn't say much as we ate, which was completely out of character for him. Pete and I passed each other questioning glances as we ate. It wasn't until Kevin had finished that he said more than, "Morning." "You guys are going over to the farmhouse today, right?" "Uh, yeah. Dad wanted me over there sometime this morning." "You mean us." Pete patted my leg affectionately. "Yeah, us." A smile came to Kevin's face, but it quickly disappeared. "Kevin, is everything all right?" He sighed heavily. "I don't know. Time will tell. Is there any chance you could take Ray with you? Would your dad object?" Alarm bells were ringing loudly in my head. Something big had happened, and Kevin wasn't willing to share it yet. And since Ray was going with us, that meant he wanted time to talk to Jason. "I don't think there'd be a problem. I'll call and ask in a bit. Um, Pete and I were going to stay over night. Ray can, too. Is that okay?" Pete's surprised look was not lost on Kevin. "No, you weren't planning on staying over, but I appreciate it. I'll tell Ray he's to help you guys get your dad settled, and since you'll be staying over...." "I'll tell Dad he doesn't have a choice," I said. "No, let me talk to him." "Okay." Pete asked, "Do you want more pancakes, Bri?" "Sure." "Kevin?" "No, thank you. I've had enough." Kevin rose, and trudged upstairs, as if the weight of the world rested squarely on his shoulders. When he was out of earshot, Pete asked, "What do ya think that's about?" "I have my guesses, but I don't want to say anything. Something has happened, and it's bad. I've never seen Kevin that depressed." "Me either," Pete said. "I hope it's nothing serious." We both knew better. Ray was grumbling up until my dad was within earshot. He picked the three of us up about nine. Kevin shook his hand and said a few words to Dad, who said something in return. Both of them wore grave expressions, sharing an understanding that we had no awareness of. They shook hands solemnly. Dad said, "Call me if you need anything." "I will, Ben." "All right, boys, let's get going. We have work to do." As we got in the car, Ray said, "All right, I'm not stupid. Why is Dad getting me out of the way?" Dad replied, "It's not my place to tell you, Ray, so don't bother trying to pry it out of me. I've heard how persistent you can be." "Should I be worried about it?" "I don't think so. If that were the case, I doubt either you or Pete would be coming with me." "It's Sharon, isn't it." "Ray, I'm not going to tell you anything." "That's the only thing that would bother my dad like that. She's not coming back, is she." My dad remained silent, but I could see him clinching his jaw. "And you said I don't have anything to worry about! Now I don't have a..." "Calm down!" My dad's bellow cut Ray off, silencing him. As much to distract my dad as Ray, I said, "Look, Ray. Let's say you're right, and Sharon isn't coming back. No matter how hard this is hitting you, it's hitting Jason worse." "How can you say that?" Ray was more angry than panicked now, which I took as a good sign. "Think about it! Jason feels like he broke up the family! He thinks he made Sharon go away. He needs some time to be with Kevin, and Kevin needs to make Jason understand that he's not at fault." "Isn't he? He didn't have to give them that... whatever it was. He could have kept his fucking mouth shut." "No, he couldn't have! This has been eating away at him since Jeff died..." "Offed himself, you mean." "...and he's just now coming to terms with what happened! Jesus, Ray! Give the guy a break." "Why? He did this to himself." "Ray, tell me you didn't just say that." "That's enough, boys! Not another word until we get to the house." Ray mumbled something under his breath, and my father gave him the evil eye. I don't blame him; it sounded suspiciously like 'fuck you'. The house hadn't changed much since I'd been there last. Pete looked around with some interest, his face unreadable. I walked up and hugged him tightly from behind. He leaned against me for a few seconds, and then we followed Dad and Ray into the house. Pete led me to the downstairs bedroom near the base of the stairs. We dropped our bags on the bed and met Ray as he came down the stairs, followed by my dad. "You guys staying down here?" "Yeah," I said, "It'll be quieter if we stay down here away from you guys." Neither Ray nor Dad had any illusions what we meant. Dad looked like he wanted to say something, but didn't. He just shook his head and went into the kitchen and out to the shed behind the house. "Man, he looks up tight," Ray observed. "Looks like he could make diamonds with his ass." "Ray..." "You know what I mean, Brian. I mean, look what he did in the car!" "What? Tell you to shut up? I've done that plenty of times, and I haven't made a diamond yet." "Well, I hope I get to go home soon. I don't know how long I can put up with his attitude." "Now, wait just a minute." Pete interrupted me. "Brian, hush. Ray, you've been spoiled. Kevin is extremely open and understanding. Ben still hasn't gotten used to the fact that Brian and I are together, or that Brian is gay, really." "If he can't accept me, then fuck'em." "No, Ray," Pete said, "you have to be tolerant of him, just like the way he tolerates you. You don't get any special right to trample all over other people just because you're gay. "You still have to be polite and considerate of others, especially their feelings. If you don't care about Ben's feelings, then think about Brian's, or mine. We want to be accepted as who we are, too, just like you do. It's going to take time for Ben to accept us. He's trying even now, but it's hard for him. He has to undo over forty years of conditioning. That is a huge thing to do. You'll give him room to do it." "And if you tell my dad to fuck off again," I said, still furious, "I'll kick your ass." Then I realized how stupid I sounded. "I'm the only one who gets to tell him to fuck off." I grinned. Ray laughed. "Okay, deal. But if I want to tell him to fuck off, you gotta do it for me." "Boys! Come out here!" "Coming, Dad! Ray, all I ask is that you give him some slack, okay?" "Okay. I'll do that, Brian." "Thanks. We better see what Dad wants before he gets pissed." We spent the rest of the day putting drop cloths over the furniture and taping up the living room for painting. To me, it didn't look like it was needed, but I guess Dad had a different opinion. That night, we all went out for burgers. Dad was in a better mood, joking with us and playing along with our running gags. He looked younger somehow, like he'd shed twenty years. It did get a bit tense when Ray caught sight of a server that looked really good. Ray swiveled in his seat to keep him in sight until he went into the kitchen. Turning around, without thinking, he said, "Boy he's hot!" The three of us froze. Dad said, "Oh, I don't know. I think that guy is better looking." He pointed out another server in his mid-twenties that was definitely worth looking at. "Yeah, but he's old," Ray continued. "That other guy is closer to my... there he is!" Ray all but stood up to catch sight of his heartthrob. Dad was smiling at Ray's antics, and winked at me when he noticed me watching him. I made a note to talk to Dad after dinner, for more than one reason. We found a Baskin-Robbins and each had a cup or cone for dessert. As we were walking back to the car, Dad said, "Would you guys mind if we made a little side trip? I would like to go to Barnes and Noble across the way." Pete and Ray shrugged, and I said, "Sure." We were in there for about forty-five minutes, each scattered to our own preferences. Pete followed me into Literature, and Ray ran off to the science fiction area. We lost track of Dad for a while until I saw him in the psychology section. As I drew near, I realized he was looking at different books whose subject was homosexuality. I wasn't sure whether to approach or retreat, so Pete, bless him, shoved me forward, taking the choice out of my hands. "Hi, pop. Whatcha looking at?" "I'm looking for a good book to help me understand, Brian, but I can't decide which one." "Hmm... Well, why don't you ask Kevin? I can ask Jason, too. I know he read a lot about it after Jeff passed on." "Okay, why don't we do that, then? I'm afraid I'd just get lost in one of these." He held up the two books he'd been considering. "You guys ready to go?" "Uh, yeah. Can I get these?" I'd picked out the first two books in the Hornblower series. "I heard they were really good." "Sure. Where's Ray?" "I don't know." I handed Dad my books. "We'll find him and meet you out front, okay?" "Okay." Pete and I moved off to find his brother. I had a sneaking suspicion where we'd find him, and it wasn't in the Sci-Fi section. "Put that down, young man!" Ray dropped the book he was holding, and Pete and I cracked up. Ray was not amused. "What'd you do that for? You scared the shit outta me." "It was worth it. What're you doing looking at the Kama Sutra anyway? Planning on getting a girlfriend?" "I was looking at the pictures." Pete and I cracked up again, laughing. "Fuck you." "Is that a threat or an offer?" Ray's eyes glittered. "Depends on how much money you have." "C'mon. Dad's waiting." "Okay." The three of us moved through the store, trying not to run over anyone in the process. When we got home, Pete and Ray took a shower, giving me the opportunity to talk with my father. I caught him in the dining room. "Dad? Can we talk?" After a short, measuring glance, he said, "Sure, son. Here?" "Yeah, here's fine." We sat down at the table. "Okay, what's on your mind?" "It's what's on your mind that I want to talk about." "I don't understand." "When we were in the restaurant tonight, Ray made some comments about one of the waiters, remember?" "Yes... he said he liked one of the younger guys there." "And you said you thought a different guy was better looking." "Yes..." "Well, I don't understand how that fits in with how you feel about me being gay." "Brian..." "Or the books you were looking at in Barnes and Noble. I mean, how do you feel?" "Are you done?" he asked with a smile. I nodded. "Brian, I feel the same as I always have. I don't like it, I don't understand it, and at this point, I can't accept it. At the same time I see you and Pete together, and I know that's who you really are. You're both happy together, and I assume you're having sex?" I blushed. "I can't stop you when you're over at Kevin's, and I gather you'll still be spending a lot of time over there. It makes no sense then to try and stop you here. Just be careful. "Again, I don't like it, and I don't understand it. I can't change my instinctive reaction, but I can learn to be more accepting. That's what I'm trying to do. "You're fifteen, and you'll be sixteen in September. You're beginning to make choices that will affect the rest of your life; choices that we, as your mother and father, can only influence. We can't make them for you. You've chosen to be gay-" I raised my voice. "I didn't choose to be gay! This is the way I was born, and I can't change it. It's not a choice!" With a placating gesture, Dad said, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean that the way it sounded. Like I said, it's going to take awhile. You have chosen to be with Pete. The way I see it, there are worse people out there. If you have to be with a boy, and I had to pick who you'd be with, then Pete is who I'd choose." We stared at each other for a few moments. "Where'd you get that ring?" I must have been playing with it. "Pete gave it to me." "Oh." He was quiet for a moment longer, then asked, "Does it have a special meaning?" I swallowed hard, not wanting to explain it to him. I felt trapped, and I couldn't find a way to escape. "Yeah." My voice was husky sounding. "Can you tell me what it is?" Here it was, the moment of truth. Thoughts ran through my head. Do I lie? Do I tell him a partial truth? Do I simply say no? Then the thoughts came, Are you ashamed of who you are? Are you ashamed of Pete? Are you ashamed of the love you share? "Pete gave me this ring as a reminder. And a promise." "A promise? You mean, like an engagement ring?" I squared my shoulders and looked my father in the eye. "Yes. We're committed to each other." Dad's sharp gaze bore into my eyes, looking far deeper than he ever had before. "Can I see the ring?" His voice was carefully neutral, but he kept his eyes locked on mine. I handed him the ring, and only when he held it in front of his face did he shift his gaze. He stared at the ring for a long while, turning it this way and that, reading the inscription over and over. He handed it back to me, and I put it on in its customary place. "That's the wrong hand, you know." "I know, but this way, there aren't any embarrassing or awkward questions to answer. It doesn't draw attention." "So you aren't out?" "I don't think so. I'm not even sure I want to come out." Dad and I sat quietly for several moments. "Brian, do you realize this changes everything for me and your mother?" "How?" "You're engaged." "We can't get married." "True... but gay people can have commitment ceremonies." "I don't get it. A commitment ceremony? After the speech you just gave me, you're not even going to yell at me and tell me how I'm too young to make this kind of decision? "No. It's finally sunk in. You and Pete have stuck together through everything. Three years of separation, your problems... All you talk about is Pete. All he talks about it you. I asked him where he was going to go to college. You know what he said?" "Wherever I go." Dad nodded. "He loves you. You love him." He sighed, running his fingers through his hair. "That ring has put everything squarely in front of me, where I can't pretend it'll go away. You really are gay." "Yeah, Dad, I am." His eyes roamed around, searching my face. He dropped his head into his hands and tears started falling. I moved around the table and hugged him from behind, holding him awkwardly as he cried. ----- "Have you gotten him anything in return?" "I don't have any money, Dad. I want to get him a ring like this one." "I think we can help you, son." "No. I want to earn the money myself." "We can still help you. We'll pay you to finish painting the house, and other things as they come up." "Dad..." "Brian, please let me help." "All right." I heard Pete leave the bathroom. He was done with his shower. "Dad, are you okay with all this?" "Whether I am or not doesn't matter, son. You have found someone who loves you, and you love him. This isn't a choice I can make for you. I can't change your mind, not that I'd want to. And... I can't make you straight. I'm happy for you, and that's all that matters." "Go on, get your shower. I'll talk to Pete while you're in there." "I want to tell him you know before you do. Let him know he's not on the spot." "Okay, son." Talk about confusion. Dad started telling me he hated the fact I'm gay, and after he found out about the ring, it's like... I don't know. He had more or less given us his blessing. I wonder if Mom would react the same way. Pete was putting on his sweats as I came in. His smile faded as he saw my face. "What's wrong, Baby?" "I'm not sure that there is anything wrong. Dad and I had a talk while you were taking your sweet time in the shower. He asked me about the ring." I undressed as we talked. "What did you tell him?" "I told him you'd given it to me as a reminder, an as a promise." "Okay... Did he put it together?" "Yeah, he did." "What did he say?" "He'll tell you himself. He wants to talk to you." "Okay. Brian, why did you tell him? You know you didn't have to." "Yeah, I did. I realized that for a long time, I've been afraid of people finding out about us, because I was ashamed of being gay. But now, I'm not ashamed of myself for being who I am, and I'm not ashamed of you. I love you, and I don't care who knows it." "Bri," Pete said cautiously, "are you telling me you want to come out?" "No, but if someone asks, I'll tell them." I couldn't say anymore as Pete's embrace made it impossible to breathe. Someone knocked on the door, but Pete didn't let go. "I love you, Brian," he whispered. I couldn't answer. Pete raised his voice and said, "Come in." Dad poked his head in. "Is it safe?" "Sure is." Pete finally released me, and I made a show of gasping for breath. "Geez. Let a guy breathe once in a while." Pete just gave me that killer smile. I gathered up my shorts, and left them alone to talk. I took my time in the shower, luxuriating in the hot spray, letting it soothe away the tension in my neck and shoulders. My dad's apparent change in position where Pete and I were concerned baffled me. He didn't like the fact I was gay; I could accept that. He did accept that Pete and I were together. He didn't like the fact Pete and I were having sex, but he loved Pete like a son. He seemed to support our engagement, which confused me even more. We were really young to take a step this big. Neither Pete or I could deny that, but it felt right, and not just from an emotional point of view. Dad's support seemed very strange to me, until I thought what this would be like if we were a straight couple. Pete and I can't make babies. Without that risk, we could still be together and finish school. If we were straight, you can bet everything you have that Dad wouldn't have taken this as he did. As I was washing, Pete came in and sat on the toilet. His face was untroubled, almost happy." "What'd he say?" "Nothing you hadn't heard already." "Oh. I thought he might've said something, and that was why you came in." "Well, I do have something to say, but not about your dad." "Can it wait until I finish here?" I began to lather my hair. "Sure, baby. I'll see you in the room." He went out. That was weird. It's not like him to just walk in and out without saying something. I finished up in the shower and brushed my teeth. When I opened the door, all the lights were out in the house. I could see dim light coming under the door of our bedroom. When I opened the door, I saw candles spread out across the room. Pete was swaying to quiet music coming from a portable CD player, his back to me. His naked body glowed golden in the candle light, accentuating every curve of his build. Closing the door quietly, I shucked my shorts and hugged him from behind. I could feel him humming along with the music. He turned slowly in my arms, until we were face to face. "Where did you get all this?" We began to sway together. I relaxed into his arms, and the feeling of safety he provided. "I know where my grandparents kept them. I wanted to make tonight special." "Every night is special when I'm with you, Pete. What was it you wanted to tell me?" He kissed my forehead, then my lips. "I love you more than my own life, Bri." "And I love you more than mine. That's it?" "Mmm hmm. You expected more?" "No, that's enough." We continued to sway to the music, reveling in the feel of skin on skin. I reached up, took his head in my hands, and kissed him longingly on the lips. He responded. Slowly, we danced our way to the bed, lost in our embrace, and let passion overcome us. --==ooOOoo==-- Constructive criticism and comments gladly accepted. E-mail me at dewey2k@yahoo.com Please visit my website: http://members.tripod.com/dewey.ftlop/ Newest chapters are always posted there well ahead of Nifty. I'd like to invite you to join a list that will notify you of new chapters being released for "Pete". 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