Date: Sat, 7 Apr 2001 12:24:33 -0700 (PDT) From: Dewey Subject: Brian and Pete Chapter Three Brian and Pete Chapter Three Danger and Discovery Copyright Notice - Copyright (C)February 2001 by Dewey. This story is copyrighted by the author and the author retains all rights. This work may not be duplicated in any form, physical, electronic, audio, or otherwise without the authors expressed permission. All applicable copyright laws apply and will be enforced. This story is a work of erotic fiction involving teenage boys partially based on real people and events. Names have been changed to protect the guilty as well as the innocent. All the usual rules apply. If you shouldn't be reading this now, then don't continue on. The alarm sounded much too early the next morning, but once I had turned it off, I was glad to be awake. Brian lay on his side, his back toward me, breathing deep and even. Apparently he had slept through the alarm. My poor baby must be exhausted. It had been a rough night for all of us. Once Sharon and Jason were convinced that Brian was okay, they gently prodded us into bed, even going so far as to tuck us in! She had turned off the light and paused at the door to watch us, leaving enough room for Jason to peer over her shoulder. Both wore parental expressions of care and concern. I found it amusing that Jason had become so protective of Brian and me, but at the same time I was grateful. Brian clung to me as they closed the door. Every now and then he would give a shudder and hold me tighter for a few moments before relaxing again. I held him to me as he drifted off to sleep, eventually falling asleep myself. I sighed deeply. It had been so long since I had held him like this. I knew I had to get out of bed to get ready for school, even though I didn't want to go. I really wanted to stay with Brian, to ensure he was safe and wouldn't do anything stupid. My concerns were probably unfounded, but I couldn't help worrying. He had so much to deal with. His stress level would be unreal. He was strong, but I worried that he'd reached the limit of his strength. Getting kicked off the wrestling team must have been devastating for him. Wrestling had been the focus for his life since we had been separated. I can't say I was glad he was kicked off, because I'd never wish him any unhappiness. I was glad, though, because Brian was back in my life. I reluctantly disentangled myself from Brian's body and slid out of bed. He rolled over with a sigh, settling in to the spot I had just vacated. He was so beautiful lying there in the innocence of sleep, face unlined by worry or stress. Even with everything that had happened, all that he had put me through, I loved him now more than ever. Leaving my baby sleeping soundly, I slipped out to take my shower. He hadn't moved when I returned to dress, and was still sleeping when I left for breakfast. I told Sharon and Kevin that he was still crashed out, and neither of them seemed surprised. Ray groaned and said something about Brian getting to sleep in while the rest of us had to get up for school. I responded, stating that I would beat the shit out of him if he thought it would help him get to sleep in. He laughed and said he might take me up on the offer. Kids. School was fairly uneventful if you call half the school's students asking me about the fight uneventful. I told them I hadn't seen it. Several asked if Brian had been hurt. Other than a few small cuts on his face and being bruised and battered, he wasn't injured, and I told them so. The one thing that bothered me a bit was that most of the people asking about him were girls. They hadn't even looked at him before, that I noticed, anyway. Now they were all concerned about him. I might have been imagining things, but I think some of them were flirting with me, another thing that I had never noticed. Of course, I ignored them. I had what I wanted in Brian. I found out through the grapevine that Brent had somehow managed to tear his rotator cuff in the fight. He had been taken to the emergency room almost immediately after seeing the nurse. Rumor had it he was going to need surgery, and his wrestling career could be over. By the end of the day, I was ready to go home. My head hurt and I was growing irritable. When the final bell rang, it was all I could do to not run over everyone in my haste to get out of there. I practically sprinted down the hall, weaving in and out of traffic. I'd almost made it to my locker when I heard my name called from behind me. It was far enough away that I acted like I hadn't heard it and continued on to my locker. "Patterson!" I slowly turned around, and a feeling of dread came over me. Two of Brent's good friends stood in front of me, both wearing an angry scowl. Neither one of them was known for their brains, but their brawn was something to be reckoned with. They were both football players, one of them a lineman, and the other a running back. I wasn't that small, but they dwarfed me. "What do you guys want? I have to go. My dad is waiting for me." "We have a message for your faggot friend. Tell him he better watch his back. He's going to pay for what he did to Brent, so tell that queer little fuck that his days are numbered." I stood there silently as my blood ran cold. This wasn't another idle threat. I knew how these guys operated. They could and would carry out their promise of retribution. Then I saw the glint of cold steel in his hand. Suddenly I was terrified, and it showed. "Scared? You should be, pussy. Tell your boyfriend we'll get him when he least expects it. And if you get in the way, we'll take you out, too, cocksucker." He raised a pointed finger and pounded me in the chest. "Got it, faggot?" He glared at me, staring into my eyes for several seconds before breaking into an evil smile. With that, they turned and walked away, exchanging a high five as they retreated into the crowd. I released the breath I didn't realize I was holding. As I watched them disappear from sight, I wondered at their words. They had called Brian a "faggot" and "queer," and referred to him as my boyfriend, and then called me the same. Did they know, or were they just words? Either way they wanted to hurt him. The knife proved that. "Hey Pete, was that guy holding a knife?" Ray's presence caught me by surprise. I hadn't seen him approach. "Uh, yeah, it was." "What did they want?" "Brian. They wanted Brian. They want to get him back for Brent." My voice was unsteady, and I was still shaking. "Oh, man. We gotta tell Mr. Johnson. He might be able to catch them with the knife! I'll go get him!" My brain still wasn't operating right. I couldn't believe what had happened. I had actually been confronted with a knife, and now I was scared. Gathering my things from my locker, I shut the door and hurried toward the office. I met Ray and Mr. Johnson, the Vice Principal, half way there. I must have been white or something, because Mr. Johnson's first reaction was to ask if I was hurt. "No, I'm fine. Just a little shaken up, is all." "Ray filled me in on the weapon. We are looking for them now. Security is watching all the exits. What did they say to you?" I gave him the rundown on what had happened, minus the allegations of Brian's orientation. His face became more grim as I spoke. "We're going to get down to the bottom of this. Are you being picked up?" "Yes, we are. Ray, do you know who's driving?" "I think mom is." "You two live in the same house?" "Yeah, me and Pete, Jason, and Brian." "Really? I didn't know that. You'll have to tell me how that came about, and how your parents can put up with you four hellions." "Maybe I will sometime." The radio that Mr. Johnson carried crackled. "VP, seven" "Go ahead, seven" "We have the subjects in custody." "Very good. Please bring them to the office." "Ten four, seven out." "Now we'll see if they have the knife you saw." "Mr. Johnson, I'm sure my mom is waiting for us. As a matter of fact, here comes my brother now." "Hi, Mr. J. What's going on, guys? Mom is about to throw a fit." "Tell Mrs. Patterson to park her car and come to the office, Jason. We have a small problem here." "I'll go with you, Jason." He and Ray walked back out to where Sharon waited. I could hear Ray telling Jason the entire story on the way. "Come on, Peter. Let's go back to the office." He started walking away from me. "Look, Mr. Johnson, I don't want to confront those guys right now." He turned back, giving me a curious look. "They just threatened the life of my best friend." "Well, come with me anyway. We'll take your statement in a different room." With obvious hesitation, I followed. About the time we arrived at the office, two security guards walked my two assailants into the office. Frank, the big one, saw me as he was marched into the vice principal's office. His glare would have killed me on the spot. Sharon followed Jason and Ray in just before I entered the office itself. I stopped to wait for them. Sharon asked, "Pete, are you okay?" I shook my head. Mr. Johnson went on, leaving me with my family. "What's going on?" "I just received a threat on Brian. They said they are going to make him pay for hurting Brent." "What exactly did they say?" I recounted the confrontation as best as I could recall, considering I was petrified for the whole encounter. Jason and Ray both said things under their breath that Sharon frowned at. When I finished, she was quiet. Ray added what he saw after I was done. "Peter, would you and Ray come in here please? The police would like to take your statement. All four of us crowded into the counselor's office. It was barely large enough to hold us and the policeman who was taking our statement. I told him everything, including the references to homosexuality. When I mentioned those, Ray got so agitated that he couldn't control himself. He cursed a blue streak for quite a while until the red-faced officer asked him to be quiet or wait his turn out in the hall. He quieted down, but his muttering was still audible. I wouldn't want to be one of those homophobes Ray had been cursing. Somewhere in the middle of my statement, a security guard walked into the office. In a plastic bag, he carried the knife that was shown to me earlier, but that wasn't all. In a separate bag, he carried a pistol. I paused a moment and watched him deposit the items on the desk in front of us. We exchanged a glance. If this was the lengths these people were willing to go to, our lives just took a very deadly turn. Mr. Johnson said, "I would like to speak to Mrs. Patterson alone if I could." Sharon nodded and followed him into his office. They spoke for quite some time. * * * * * I awoke about ten o'clock. The place was empty, but I found a note in the kitchen telling me I was not to leave the house until Kevin picked me up for my appointment at one. Sharon had called a colleague of hers who specialized in dealing with troubled boys and young men, like me. Kevin would retrieve me at twelve-fifteen and deliver me to the shrink's office. While I was waiting, I took a nice long shower, ate lunch, and read a book for the first time in a long while. The next thing I knew, I heard Kevin calling my name. "Brian! Let's go!" "Coming!" I darted down the stairs and out the door. After all that had happened over the last few months, I didn't want to disappoint Kevin and Sharon anymore. I was smart enough to realize that they were the key to me staying with Pete. If they didn't want me in their home, then I was lost. And even if they did let me stay, I didn't want to be this way forever. It wasn't fair to Pete. I jumped in the car, followed by Kevin, who had locked the house behind me. "How are you feeling today?" He started the car, backed out into the street, and then pulled away at a leisurely pace. "I'm feeling okay, I guess. I don't really know." "What are you feeling?" I pondered his question for a minute or two. Kevin didn't press me, giving me the time I needed. "Scared, ashamed, anxious. Guilty. I dunno." "Sounds to me like you have a good handle on how you're feeling, Brian. Have you ever been to a counselor before?" I nodded. "Yeah, a couple, but they didn't listen to me. That was just after Pete and I were separated. They kept insisting I was too young to love him." He muttered several choice words under his breath before he replied. "That's too bad. I hope you can give this guy a fair shot at helping you. He's really good." "If he listens to me and takes me seriously, then I think we'll get along." "That's good to hear. Make sure to let us know if you feel uncomfortable with him. That's just as important as anything else." "I will." We listened to the radio the rest of the way to the office. It was located in Portland, about thirty minutes away from the house. We took highway 26 over the Sylvan grade and into the city. We caught Market Street over to Sixth, which we took all the way into Duniway Park and the University Hospital. Dr. Wilkins was a gaunt man standing a shade under six feet, and wore a salt-and- pepper beard and moustache. Although receding slightly, he still had a thick head of hair combed neatly. The overall effect made it hard to determine how old he was. Middle aged, certainly, but he could be forty or fifty-five. He wore a shirt and tie, but somehow made them seem casual attire. His mobile face held a smile that reached his eyes as Kevin introduced us. "Call me Will, Brian. I don't stand on formality, unless you're a student." His grin was infectious, and I couldn't help but return his smile. "I'm going in to the office, and I'll be back in a couple hours, Brian," Kevin said. "If you finish before then, give me a call." "Okay. See you then." "Come in and sit down, Brian. We have a lot to talk about." I followed him into his office. It was a large room, about twenty by thirty. The walls were lined with bookcases made with dark stained wood, oak probably. Most of the shelves were filled with books on psychology, but a few scattered here and there held knick knacks and pictures that were illuminated by a light mounted underneath the shelf above. One shelf held an eagle collection, another held pictures of Dr. Wilkins family. He had a son and a daughter, who seemed to be in their mid teens. His wife was rather plain looking. Yet another shelf held plastic models of several different ships, dating from an eighteenth century three-masted ship-of-the-line to a modern aircraft carrier. His desk was in front of the back wall which was glass floor to ceiling, slightly masked by wooden vertical blinds stained to match the bookshelves. There were two padded chairs in front of the desk. A large Persian carpet was placed in the center, with five more chairs around a small coffee table on it, all identical to the padded chairs in front of the desk. The lights were off, the room lit by the ambient light from outside, giving the office a cold cast. "Please, sit anywhere you like. Let me get my notepad and we'll get started." Taking a moment, I chose the chair that backed up to a set of bookcases, giving me a view of the whole room. Dr. Wilkins watched me as I sat, nodding slightly, perhaps unconsciously, at my choice. He went, retrieved a legal pad and an ornate mechanical pencil from his desk, and then sat with his back to the windows. "Okay, let's get some of the stats out of the way. Let me run this down, and you correct any mistakes I make, 'k?" I nodded. "'K. Age fifteen, will be sixteen on September twentieth of next year. Five-seven, One-hundred and twenty-five pounds..." "I'm one-ten right now." "Oh." He eyed me critically. "You are too skinny, Brian. You should be at least one-twenty." "I know, but I was wrestling." "It's not healthy. We'll talk about that later. Where was I? Oh yes. You're a sophomore with a four-point grade average, and heavily into sports. Football, wrestling, track. Am I right so far?" "Yeah, except for the weight." "Okay, good. Now I need to get some background. Sharon told me that you had some trouble a while ago with your parents. Care to talk about it?" My sense of privacy and natural reluctance to talk about family issues kicked in. I also wasn't very comfortable with the idea of talking to a shrink. But I promised I'd give him a chance. I shrugged. "What's to say? Pete was- is- my best friend, and he was ripped away from me. My parents knew it was going to happen. They didn't tell me, and I missed my chance to say goodbye. And then three years later, I find out that they have been keeping his letters from me, hoping I wouldn't find out he...." I fell silent. "Find out he what, Brian?" I let the silence drag for a few moments, watching my feet kick at the floor. Dr. Wilkins sat quietly, watching me. "They were hoping I wouldn't find out he was alive, and that he still loved me." "Why do you think your parents would keep the letters of your best friend from you? What was their motive, their reasoning?" I stared hard at him, meeting his eyes. I held his gaze as I answered, looking for his reaction. "My parents didn't want me to know he was writing to me, because I was in love with Pete, and they knew it. I'm gay. They were hoping it would go away if Pete wasn't in my life at all." "And that's why you had the problems then? Because your parents knew you loved him and were afraid of you being gay?" "I told them shortly before he left." "Does Pete know?" "Know what? That I am still in love with him?" He nodded. "That's why I'm here. I have treated him badly and I need help to get over all this shit- sorry. I need help to get over all that's happened in my life, so I can have a good relationship, and be happy." "You didn't really answer my question." "Does he know I am gay and that I love him? He knows I am gay, but I haven't really shown him that I love him. I've been too self-involved." Bitterness was evident in the last sentence. "Do you love him? Does he believe you love him?" "I do love him. I think I would be dead now if he hadn't been here for me. Does he know I do? I'm not sure." "Then we'll work on that too. Brian, what we are going to try to do is help you come to grips with everything that you have buried in your heart. The trauma of having Pete removed from you like he was, and all the abuse you took- yes, I know you were emotionally and mentally abused. I see it too much, and it's really easy to recognize if you know what to look for. I'll explain as we go along. If you have questions, you can ask. The more you know, the better you will be able to help yourself. Okay?" "Okay. Dr. Wilkins..." "Will." I nodded and fell silent for a few moments. He sat quietly as I gathered my thoughts. "Will, I love Pete so much that I don't know what to do sometimes. I have loved him since I met him, but I didn't realize that's what it was until I realized I was probably gay." "How do you feel about being gay?" The question took me by surprise. Everyone is always more concerned with how my being gay makes them feel. Will sensed my hesitation and elaborated. "Are you angry? Are you sad? Are you glad?" "None of that. I'm gay. That's a fact, and I can't change it." I shrugged. "I just go on as I can. Sure, sometimes I wish I could be straight because of all the shi- er, crap..." Will grinned, "... that gays have to go through and live with, but if it meant losing Pete, I wouldn't change even if I could." "Have you ever been targeted for being gay?" "No. No one knows outside of my immediate family- and I include Pete's family in that- and a couple close friends." "So you've never been exposed to all the shit," He grinned again, "that gays have to go through." "No, I suppose not. But that doesn't mean I want to be, either." "No, of course not. How is your relationship with your parents now?" "Strained is the best word. They were planning on moving up here from California, but my grandmother just had a stroke, and now they have to take care of her. They aren't coming here after all, and I'm not sure that they'll let me stay here. And I do want to stay. I need Pete. It's that simple." "Let's talk about everything that happened up until you met Pete." And so we began. I ended up liking Will as a shrink. He was easy to talk to and listened to me, drawing me into deep conversations about what happened to me as I grew up, and my feelings around those incidents. Everything I said he took into account, sometimes prompting me to expand on what I had related. By the end of our first visit, and after my tears had dried, I was convinced I could trust him and would come back. "I think that's it for today, Brian. I want you to think about what happened back then. You said you are a writer? Write it down. You can make it a story, or just write it down freestyle. Include your emotions, too. Don't hold back. You may even cry when you write." He leaned toward me. "Brian, you do know that it's perfectly normal to cry, right? Everyone does at some time in his or her life, and especially when they are dealing with old hurts. Sometimes it can be embarrassing, but you never need to be embarrassed in front of me. I've shed my share of tears, too. Alright?" "Yeah." "Okay then. I'll see you next week. I'll give Sharon a call and set up the appointment." He rose from his chair, and I followed suit, trailing him to the waiting area where Kevin had just sat down. "Everything okay?" "Everything is fine, Kevin. I'd like to see Brian next week, but I'll call Sharon for the actual timing." "Okay. C'mon kiddo. Time to get home. Thanks, Will." "No problem, Kev. Take care now. I'll see you soon, Brian. It was nice talking to you." "Bye, Will. See you next week." Kevin led me out to the car, and quizzed me about my visit all the way home. And with rush hour traffic over highway twenty-six, it was a long ride. I answered him, but didn't go into details. I wasn't sure I understood the details. Kevin didn't press me when he sensed that I didn't want to talk about it, instead changing the subject. We arrived home about four-thirty. Everyone was sitting in the living room when we arrived. It was easy to tell that they were discussing something important, and it was equally easy to tell that I was not to be included in that conversation. The moment I walked in the door, everyone jumped out of their seats and went their different ways. Pete wore a worried expression behind his smile as he kissed me. I looked deeply into his eyes. "Pete, what's wrong?" He hugged me to him. I put my arms around his waist and stood there with my head on his shoulder, savoring the warmth of our embrace, and listening to his heartbeat. I can't think of another sound that comforts me as much as his heartbeat. "Sit down, Brian. You too, Kevin. We need to have a family talk." I sat next to Pete, holding his hand. I looked around the room. Kevin was as confused as I was. Jason was obviously concerned, while Ray looked like he would chew nails given the slightest provocation. "What's up?" "I'll tell you what's up!" Ray started. "Some muthafu..." "Raymond! This is your last warning. One more time and you are grounded." Sharon was obviously weary of Ray's colorful language. That meant something remarkable had happened. "Some ...bastards threatened your life today, Brian, that's what!" "That's it. Two weeks." "Threatened? My life? Who? How? I don't understand." Pete broke in, forestalling another rant by Ray. "You remember Frank and Lance? Brent's buddies? They decided to let me know that they were coming after you for taking Brent down. Their point was emphasized by flashing me a knife." "WHAT?!" "Ray saw the whole thing and got Mr. Johnson. He had security stop them before they left. When they searched their lockers, they found the knife and a gun." I sat back heavily. "Oh, god. What did I get you into? Pete, Ray, I'm sorry." "The police arrested them. I don't know anymore than that. Mr. Johnson said he's calling an assembly for the whole school." Sharon cut in. "He also told me that he is going to search all the lockers at the school, and hire more security. He has made a pledge to keep you boys safe. I couldn't believe that this had gone as far as it has. Brent and I didn't like each other, sure. But it wasn't worth someone getting killed over. "What do I do?" Pete cleared his throat. "There's more. The whole time they were threatening you, they used words that make me think they know you and I are gay. They called us the usual names and then said you were my boyfriend." No one spoke for at least a minute. Kevin broke the silence. "Alright boys. I don't know how it happened. I know you are careful, but it appears you have been outed. We need to take precautions to make sure you are safe. We don't know if there are others out there who want to do you harm, so we're taking no chances. "Damn right. Just let them try something. I'll kick their asses." "Raymond, that is just the type of attitude that will get someone hurt. We are on the defensive here." Jason interrupted us with a polite clearing of his throat. "What are we going to do, Dad? I don't know how we can be protected all the time without an escort at all times." "Well, we have a couple weeks to figure something out. In the mean time, we're pulling you guys out of school until the police have a chance to investigate, Mr. Johnson's pledge not withstanding. Pete, I'll arrange with Mr. Johnson for you to get all the homework for next week, for all of you, and you'll do it here." Surprisingly, no one said anything in response. "Anything else?" Jason said, "We should tell Jared what's happening. He's involved too." "I'll call him. I need to talk to him anyway, because I was supposed to go over to his house tonight." "You can still go, Ray, but your mom and I want to talk to his parents. And you are still grounded as of tomorrow." "You'll take me over, then?" Kevin nodded. "I'll tell Jared to tell his parents." Ray stood and left for the kitchen and the phone. "Good. Okay, boys. Your world just became a bit more dangerous. I know you are careful anyway, but I want you to be even more careful." Kevin took Sharon's hand and led her upstairs. I sat there, still stunned at this turn of events. Pete was rubbing my neck and shoulders trying to relax me. Jason asked, "How are you doing, guys?" "I'm just worried about Brian. These guys were serious, and I don't want to lose him." "I'll be fine. I just don't understand. Why would they even think of something like this? I mean, I didn't do anything to them. Brent and I had our disagreements, and we fought over them. He hurt his shoulder, and I'm sorry. But for them to want to kill me because of that?" I shook my head in confusion. Some people didn't seem to want to take responsibility for their actions. Brent was just as much at fault as I was, so he is equally to blame for his injuries as I am. But I guess that Frank and his buddy, Larry, didn't see it that way. Another thing that bothered me was they seemed to know Pete and I were gay. I wracked my brain trying to figure out how Pete and I could have given ourselves away, but I couldn't think of a single time we had let our guard down in public. I sank back against Pete, trying to bury myself in him. He wrapped me up in his arms. Jason had watched me throughout the entire conversation, noting my reactions to everything that was said. He'd make a helluva shrink one day. "How are you feeling?" I looked up into Pete's eyes again, and a small smile crept over my face. "I'm feeling fine." Jason smiled. "And you, Bro?" "I'll be okay. I just had a real scare today and I'm not over it yet." Pete squeezed me tighter as he answered Jason. I patted his arm in sympathy. "Remember, I'm here if you want to talk or anything." "Thanks, bro." "Yeah, thanks, Jason." "Anytime, guys." Pete and I watched Jason retreat upstairs to his room. Sharon and Kevin came down, having changed clothes into something more professional. "Ray! Let's go!" "I'm almost done, then I have to get my stuff!" "Hurry up!" "Okay! Jeez, hold your horses!" "We leave in two minutes with or without you." We heard the phone slam. "What's your hurry?" "We want to eat, and I'm sure your brothers want to eat as well." "They can fend for themselves." "Not after you've had a shot at the fridge. It's empty now." "Funny, Pete. Let me get my things. He invited me to stay over this weekend, is that okay?" "No, your grounded." "Aw, man!" A few moments later, they were out the door. Pete and I stood, stretching. He said, "I need a shower." I grinned. "You sure do!" He started to move away from me, but I held him fast. He looked down, and I met his gaze. "Pete?" "Yeah?" "You know that I love you, right?" His expression softened, and he pulled me tighter. "I know. I love you too." We stayed there for a few more moments, and then reluctantly parted to climb the stairs to our room. After stripping down to our shorts, we headed to the bathroom, holding hands. Jason poked his head out of his room just in time to see us enter together. "Be careful you don't slip, guys. I don't want to have to run you to the ER." I gave him a wry smile and closed the door behind me. Pete ran the water up to the right temperature, and we got into the shower. Neither of us said a word as we soaked up the heat from the water. I looked up into Pete's eyes, suddenly realizing that I didn't have to look up quite as much as I did a couple of months ago. I ran my hands down his back to rest on his butt. He stepped back from me and looked me up and down. I turned around slowly, my arms slightly raised. "Do I pass?" His kiss left me no doubts that I passed muster, and we didn't slip once. * * * * * Kevin and Sharon called about six, telling us they were eating with Jared's parents, and to fend for ourselves. Jason and Pete fixed up a taco salad that left me completely sated. After dinner, the three of us sat on the couch to watch a movie. I don't remember what it was, but Mel Gibson was in it. Pete yawned expansively as the movie ended. "Man, I'm bushed. I'm gonna change and go to bed. Are you coming?" "Yeah, but I'm not tired yet. I have some work to do for Dr. Wilkins." I rose and followed him up the stairs. "He's asking about you and us, Pete. Are you comfortable with my talking to a stranger about us? About me telling him about you?" "If it'll help you, tell him whatever you feel you need to, Bri. Don't worry about me." "But I do." "Aw. You don't have to. It's not like he'll tell the whole world. Our secrets will be safe with him." "You sure?" "Yup." "Okay." "What's your homework?" "I need to write about what happened to me before and after we met. He wants me to tell how I felt and what I thought." "Writing, huh? I tried that. I'm no good at it, not like you are." "Yeah, well, we'll see. Maybe you can help me." "I'm not sure you'll want my help, but I'll do what I can." "Okay, thanks. Go ahead and change. I'll fire up the comp." Pete went to bed as soon as he returned. He had his back to me, and was asleep in no time. I sat watching him for a while, lost in thought. He was beautiful, laying there, a peaceful aura surrounding him. Where should I begin my story? When I first met Pete? Before? I suppose a little history was appropriate, so I just started typing. Lets see. I think I was eight or nine when I started to look at boys as something more than potential friends. It started with my friend Robert. He was a year younger than me, having dirty blond hair, a cherubic face and just a touch more than baby fat.... * * * * * I awoke early in spite of staying up late. I think I had quit writing about two that morning, and had a hard time getting to sleep afterward. Glancing at the clock, I saw that it was six-thirty. I felt good for only getting about three hours sleep. Pete slept with his back toward me, snoring slightly. I slipped out of bed and threw on some sweats, and went downstairs. Saturday morning was usually a late morning at the Patterson household, with everyone who could taking advantage of having the time to sleep in. I imagine Kevin and Sharon use the time for more... enjoyable activities. Pete and I never really had the chance because of me being the bastard that I was. I made the resolution that I wouldn't waste anymore of these lazy Saturdays by selfishly spending them on myself. There were things I could do with Pete and the rest of his family that would still allow me to keep in shape and spend time with them. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that this is where I want to be, and not back home with my parents. But they had to take care of my grandparents now, and wanted me to come home to help. The last I heard from my mom, they had canceled their plans to move up here, even though my dad had found a really good job. I sighed. I needed to find out what was going on, so I could find a way to stay in Portland. I moved into the kitchen and sat down. I was sure that my dad would be awake, so I picked up the phone and dialed. I was right; he was up and eating breakfast. I could hear the dishes in the background. "Hello?" "Hi, Dad. It's Brian." "Hi, son! How are you doing? Why are you up this early?" "I'm okay, I guess. I couldn't sleep." "Why not?" "I'm worried, Dad." I got right to the point. I was never one to beat around the bush. "I know that you and Mom are taking care of Gramma and Grampa, because of the stroke, and I know you want me to come home to help. Dad, I can't do that. I can't handle seeing them like they are now." Tears came to my eyes, and my voice cracked. "I want to stay here, Dad!" "I know son. I know. I got a call from Mr. Patterson yesterday. He told me what happened at school, and he also told me what he thought would be best for you. Do you know what he said?" I was crying outright now, my voice anything but stable, alternating between a good tenor and a high-pitched squeal. "He probably said that I was endangering his family and it would be best for all concerned that I leave." There was a pause on the other end. "Brian, do you really believe that Kevin said that?" "What else could he say? It's all true. Those guys want to hurt me, not them." "Brian, the last thing he wants us to do is bring you home." I sat there, stunned and unbelieving, as my dad continued. "Here are some of the other things he said. You tell me if they are true or not. First, you had an emotional breakthrough." "Yeah, I guess." "He said that you are seeing a counselor." "Yeah, I saw one yesterday." "He said you were kicked off the wrestling team for fighting." "Yes," I whispered, thinking that Dad would be angry. "Brian, I am looking at this from a parental point of view. The fight is bad, and being put off the team is bad, but in the grand scheme of things, both are really trivial. You being threatened is a big deal, but we trust Kevin and Sharon to take care of you." "But I could lose a wrestling scholarship!" "Your grades will carry you. Don't worry, son. We'll get you into school one way or another." My dad paused again. "Kevin also said that things haven't been that good between you and Pete lately. That you had been trying to keep the same schedule you kept down here when we, uh, hid Pete's letters from you." "Yeah." "With you being off the team, you can spend some of that time with Pete, and try to improve your relationship. Believe me; don't take him for granted. I did that with your mother for longer than I care to admit, and I almost lost her because of it." "I'll try." I must have been really dense that morning. "Dad, are you saying that you will let me stay up here? That I don't have to come home?" "Brian, as much as it pains your mother and me, we know we can't give you the nurturing and support you need, and Kevin and Sharon can. We love you, and we miss you, but we also can see what is best for you." I heard my mom in the background. "Ben! I need you!" "I've got to go son. I'll give you a call later and we can talk some more." "Okay, Dad. Thanks." "Bye." The line went dead. I rummaged through the kitchen to find my breakfast. I wasn't much of a cook, so I contented myself to toast and a huge bowl of corn flakes. When I was about halfway done, Jason came down to join me. He looked good for just climbing out of bed. "Morning, Brian. Why are you up so early?" "Couldn't sleep. I talked to my dad." "Really? What did he have to say?" "Did you know that your dad talked to mine yesterday?" "I'm not surprised after all that has happened. Let me guess. They talked about shipping you home, and decided to let you stay." "How did you know?" He smiled. "Mom and Dad had a long discussion about that on Thursday, and again last night after you and Pete went to bed. I'm surprised you didn't hear them; I know you were awake. I had to interrupt and add my two cents worth to the conversation. They said they would call your parents and..." The phone rang. Jason picked it up before it could ring a second time. "Hello? Oh, hi, Mr. Kellam. Sure, he's right here. Hold on a second." He handed me the phone. "Hi, Dad. What's up?" He didn't answer me right away, taking a second to compose himself. "Brian, I have some bad news. Your grandmother had another attack sometime during the night. We didn't hear anything, and your grandfather slept through it. Brian, she passed away in her sleep, peacefully." "Oh. Well, I suppose that I should have expected it. Thanks, Dad, for letting me know." "Brian, are you okay?" "Yeah, Dad, I'm fine. This didn't come as any great surprise." "Brian... we'll let you know when the funeral is. Put Jason back on the phone. I love you, son." "I love you too, Dad. Here he is." I handed the phone off to Jason and went back to my breakfast. I didn't hear what Jason said to my dad. When he hung up the phone, he sat next to me. "Brian, talk to me. Tell me what you are thinking." "I'm thinking that I'm hungry. Like I told my dad, this didn't come as any great surprise. I knew it was going to happen eventually." "She was your grandmother. It's okay to be sad, Brian." "I know, and I am sad. Stop trying to shrink me, Jason. I'm okay." He looked at me doubtfully. "If you need me, come find me. I'll be home all day." "Okay, I will. I promise." I finished up my breakfast just as Jason put a pan on the stove to make eggs for himself. I got up to put my dishes in the dishwasher. Gramma was dead. Gone. I'd never see her alive again. My hands started to shake as I put my bowl on the lower rack. When I picked up my glass and attempted to put it in the dishwasher, I found I was suddenly unable to hold onto it. It fell to the floor and shattered loudly. I heard a shout, but I didn't understand it. Falling to the floor, I sat hard, vaguely noticing the piercing pain as shards of glass punctured my flesh. A high-pitched keening filled the kitchen. I felt Jason pick me up bodily off the floor. He then took me into the living room, and collapsed onto the couch, holding me to him as I cried. "Mom! Dad! I need help down here!" * * * * * I was the first out of my room. "What happened?" "Put your shoes on and get the first aid kit out of the bathroom, quick! I'll explain later." I thought I say a tinge of red on Brian's sweats, and stains on the carpet. I put on my sweats and shoes, and then bolted to the bathroom. "Jason, what on earth? You're bleeding!" Sharon was the next up. "I know, Mom. So is Brian. He dropped a glass on the floor and sat in it. I got some glass in my feet too." I raced downstairs with the first aid kit, and handed it to Sharon. Brian had blood all over the seat of his sweats, and I could see large chunks of glass protruding from his butt. Jason was bleeding from his feet, but I couldn't see any glass sticking out, which meant the pieces of glass were small. Sharon pulled out some gauze and some tweezers, which she used to pull shards out of Jason's feet. Jason flinched every once and a while, but his face remained stoic as he stroked Brian's head throughout the ordeal. His feet were bleeding an awful lot when Sharon was done. Kevin had gone into the kitchen to call an ambulance as Sharon worked. Ray had come down to observe as well, but Joanne still slept. "Ray, go get dressed, put on your boots, and sweep up that glass in the kitchen. Be very careful that you get it all. After you've done that, mop the floor three or four times just to be safe." "Sure, mom." "I'm going to wait for the paramedics to remove the glass from Brian's wounds. I'm afraid that he may have cut an artery. They can check my work on Jason, too. I'm not sure I got it all." Kevin nodded. "The paramedics are on the way. Give Brian to me, Jason." "I'm okay right now, Dad. And it's best not to move him in case he has hit something important." "You're right, son." Brian was still clutching at Jason, though his crying had reduced noticeably, if not his tears. I sat next to them, where I could see Brian's face. "Okay, now, what happened to cause all this?" Jason answered him. "Brian dropped a glass and slipped, landing on the glass. When I picked him up, I stepped on the glass too." "Why didn't you just leave him on the floor and get help?" "Because I couldn't leave Brian." Jason's tone was belligerent, denying any wrongdoing. "Why not? What was wrong?" "He couldn't leave me. I needed him." Brian spoke softly, mournfully. All eyes swung to him, but he looked only into my face, tears still falling from his beautiful eyes. "My Grandmother died last night." "Oh, Bri. I'm so sorry." I hugged both Brian and Jason tightly, Brian because of his pain, and Jason out of gratitude for the pain he suffered for my Brian. Kevin cleared his throat. An awkward silence has fallen after Brian had told of his grandmother's passing. Sharon put her arm around Kevin's waist and rested her head on her shoulder as she observed us on the couch. I could see sympathetic pain in their eyes. We all heard the siren in the distance, coming nearer with each passing second. It went silent while still a block away. Kevin opened the door and waved them in. They immediately cleared us out of the room, moved Jason out of the way, and went to work. Jason's feet were pretty much okay, the paramedics said, needing a thorough cleaning at the ER. Then they took a look at Brian. They cut off his sweats since there were so many large pieces to deal with. Once the clothing was removed, the glass shards stood out plainly. I could see at least five large punctures and several smaller ones. The medics pulled them out one at a time, rinsing each one with saline, and then packing it with gauze for the time being. The doctors at the hospital would clean him up further. Next, they carried Jason out to the van and instructed Kevin to take him to the ER, and they would follow with Brian, not because he was worse off, but because it would be easier to transport him on the cart. "I want Pete to go with me." The paramedics looked at each other, then looked at Kevin, who motioned to me. If they found his request strange, they didn't let on as they said it would be okay. I won't bore you with the details of the visit to the ER. Suffice to say that it took them three hours to get to Brian and Jason, and they only looked at them because Jason claimed that he was getting light headed from loss of blood. They were cleaned up again, given tetanus shots, and sewn up where necessary. They were each given a few pain pills, told to stay off their respective wounds for two or three days, and sent out the door. What a way to ruin a perfectly good weekend, huh? By the time we got home, it was after one o-clock. Sharon had gone home after dropping off Jason, so she could take care of Joanne and Ray. When she picked us up, I watched Jason tiptoe into the van, obviously in pain. Jason and Pete hadn't taken their medication prior to getting into the van, but watching them convinced me they wished they had. Brian, like the trooper he is, sat next to me in the back seat with no more than a wince. His face was white and there was a sheen of sweat on his forehead that gave him away. Ray, apparently at Sharon's instigation, had prepared sandwiches for us, and had poured large glasses of OJ for Jason and Brian as well, to try and compensate for some of the blood they lost. They ate quickly, and took their pills with the juice. Sharon watched them eat, and when they were done, ordered them back to bed to rest for a time. I went up with Brian to spend some time with him, and to be there in case he wanted to talk. I lent Jason my shoulder as he hobbled up the stairs, Kevin behind him in case he fell. Brian followed after us, quiet and thoughtful. Once at his bed, Jason turned toward us. "Brian, come here." Jason held out his arms, beckoning Brian into his embrace. Glancing at my boyfriend, I saw tears forming in his eyes as he debated obeying Jason. He finally did hug Jason, hard, laying his head on Jason's chest. Words were whispered, and Brian looked up into his eyes, questioning what he had heard. Jason nodded. "It's not your fault. Nothing you did caused this to happen, Bri." I was surprised that Jason used the name "Bri". Usually Brian only let me call him that, or his parents. But if he trusted Jason, and thought of him as a brother, then I wasn't going to say anything about it. It kind of made me happy to see Jason getting close to Brian in that way. Bri has always been a loner. The more family he had the better. "I have to lay down. I'm kind of dizzy. I'll talk to you later on." Jason once more hugged Brian to him, and then released him to sit on the bed and get undressed. Kevin and Sharon looked on as Brian turned to walk out the door, his eyes catching mine as he did. There were tears, and the pain behind them was readily visible. I put my arm around his shoulders and led him to our room, where I undressed him. He stood placidly as I took off his shirt, and leaned on my back as I took off his sweats that Mom had brought with them to the ER. When he was down to his shorts, I undressed myself, and then held him at arms length. "Brian, what ever it is you want or need, I'm here for you." He sighed deeply. "I know you are, babe. Where would I be without you?" He took a step so he was inside my grasp, and wrapped his arms around my waist. I placed my arms around his neck and bent down to kiss him lightly on the lips. "You'd be fine without me, but I'm glad you have me. That means I have you. I love you, Brian Andrew. Never forget that." His eyes filled with tears now, flowing freely down his face. "I lost my grandmother, Pete. She's gone. I'll never get to say good bye." He was crying now, looking more like a pitiful lost puppy than anything else. I gathered his head to my chest, letting him cry as I led him to the bed. I gently pushed him down and got in after him. Once I was settled, he clung to me as he cried, giving a full body hug. Even though he was in pain and I felt for him, I loved the full body contact. I had missed that so much. As he wound down, he began to tell me stories of his grandmother, things she had done for him as a small child. All the wonderful adventures they had had ranging over the wooded hills surrounding their four-acre retreat, and all the lessons that she had taught him in her gentle, caring way. Brian laughed a bit as he related some of the funny things that had happened to them, and cried some more when he told me of their estrangement since his coming out. Eventually he fell asleep, having tired himself out. Kevin peeked in a while later, waking me from a light doze. I answered his questioning look with a slight nod, and Kevin withdrew, leaving me to fall asleep with Brian still in my arms. When I awoke the next morning, Brian was not with me. I put on my sweats and went out to the hallway, listening for activity. I heard a muffled voice coming from the office. Creeping closer to the partially closed door, I could hear Brian talking to one of his parents. His voice was shaky, but he was holding it together pretty well. "You are going to send me the tickets? Okay. I don't think it'll be a problem. It's not like I have to skip school to come down. No, I can make it. Do you mean it? Really? Can you afford it? I can survive without him for a couple days if I need to. Are you sure. Thanks, dad! I'll ask him, and I'll call you back. Love you too. Bye." Brian hung up the phone, and then sighed heavily. His back was toward me. He couldn't see nor did he hear me come in behind him. Giving another sigh, he stood and turned around. Brian gave a short yelp when he saw me. "Don't do that, Pete! You scared the shit out of me." I grinned and sniffed the air meaningfully. "I don't think so. Sorry I scared you." He shook his head and took a step forward into my arms. "The funeral is Wednesday. My dad is going to buy the tickets and I'll pick them up at the airport. I'll be gone until Sunday. He's offered to fly you down, too, but you don't have to go if you don't want to." "Brian, I want to go with you. And I'll buy my own tickets." "You don't have to..." I took his head in my hands and kissed his forehead. "I know I don't have to. I want to. You are my boyfriend, and my lover. Why would I leave you to face this alone?" "But Kevin and Sharon..." "Have no say in the matter. I'm an adult. Remember? And I know what the homework is for the next week, so we can take it with us. I'll call your dad, have him book us both, and I'll pay him back." "Pete, I... I don't know what to say." He looked up at me, his eyes reflecting gratitude and love. "How about what your feeling?" "I know one thing I'm feeling, but I don't think words are enough to explain it." He reached up and put his hand on my head, pulling my lips to his. It wasn't a passionate kiss, but a kiss communicating the depth of Brian's love. When it ended, he rested his head against my shoulder, and snaked his arms around me into an embrace. "I can't tell you how much I love you. No one could." I hugged him tightly, soaking in the feeling of him in my arms. I put my cheek against his forehead, enjoying the moment. Brian was getting taller. He didn't quite fit there anymore like he used to. My boyfriend was growing up. We made our way downstairs to the kitchen, where we found Ray gorging himself on sugar puffs. He had a mixing bowl that must have held the whole box of cereal, and an empty half-gallon of milk sitting in front of him. If you imagine a five year old with milk streaming down his chin, you can picture exactly how Ray looked that morning. Brian and I glanced at each other and broke out laughing. "What?" The expression of confusion added to the comic scene. I couldn't catch my breath. Brian led me to a chair before I fell down howling. Brian kept better control, as he always does, just grinning and shaking his head. "Hungry, Ray?" "Yeah, as a matter of fact, I am. Wanna make something of it?" "Ray, I already had one fight this week," Brian started, "I don't want to have to kick your ass too." An evil grin crossed Ray's face. "Bring it on." "If I pound you into a bloody pulp here, I have to scrape you off the floor. Simply not worth the effort right now." Ray chuckled. "Did you leave anything for us?" "Uh, not if you want sugar puffs or anything needing milk." Ray was starting another growth spurt as well. His face was filling out, losing that pinched aspect. His body was filling out too. He would never be great looking, but he wouldn't be ugly either. "How are you feeling Brian?" Jason walked in and squeezed Brian's shoulder as he passed, taking in Ray's gluttony. "I'm feeling okay. I couldn't sleep, so I got up about five. I talked to my Dad. He's going to buy me plane tickets to go home for the funeral. I'll leave Tuesday and be back Sunday." "And I'm going with him," Pete added. "Hmm. What will Mom and Dad say?" "They have nothing to say. It's my decision." "What do I have nothing to say about?" Kevin had snuck up on us, and I felt Brian jump under my arm as Kevin spoke. "What is this with everyone sneaking up on me today?" "Sorry, kiddo. I didn't mean to startle you. What is it that I have no say in?" "I am going south with Brian for the funeral next week. I'll pick up the homework for all of us on Monday, and Brian and I can do it on the trip." "Sounds reasonable. Have you bought the tickets?" "No. Ben is buying them and I will pay him back." "Okay. You want me to take you to the bank?" "No, but I would like to borrow the car later so I can run some errands." "Sure." Kevin, for the first time that morning, took a real good look at Ray and his eating habits. "Are we not feeding you enough, Ray?" He responded through a mouthful of cereal. "Apparently not! Why do you think I am scarfing down all this cereal?" "Uh, because you're a pig?" Out of nowhere, Brian's statement caught everyone by surprise and we all cracked up, except for Ray, who glared daggers. "No, not because I'm a pig. I ain't got no tail. I'm eating because I was starving." Still chuckling, I pulled some eggs and cheese out of the refrigerator and helped Jason make omelets for us. Ray and Brian exchanged some good-natured ribbing as we ate, seemingly unfazed by recent events. It was a tremendous relief to see him acting more like the Brian I had fallen in love with. That Sunday was a trying day. Brian and I stayed at home, allowing his wounds to heal. We talked about going shopping on Monday if his butt could handle it, to get a suit for the funeral, and some other things we wanted. Kevin and Sharon had spoken with my lawyer about how to handle the money I got every month. They had convinced him to make monthly deposits into a savings account, and then set up an automatic transfer to my checking account. Once my bills were paid, whatever was left in there was mine. I had been very careful with my cash, so now I could afford to blow some on Brian and I. Convincing Brian that I could afford to pay for what he wanted was a chore. We argued about it for quite a while. He felt like he was sponging off of me, and wanted to contribute something as well. I told him I wanted to buy him these things, and that he deserved it. "I already owe you too much, Pete. How am I supposed to pay you back?" I leered suggestively. "We'll think of something." He smiled slightly, and then frowned again. "Seriously! I don't want you to waste your money on me. You have other things to save for, like college and an apartment." "Who says it's a waste? Brian, baby, my grandparents left me enough that I don't have to worry about money anytime soon. What I have is an allowance that I can spend as I want. And I want to spend it on you. On us." He was quiet for several moments as he digested that. "Are we together for the long haul?" "As long as you'll have me." "Enough of that. Are- we- together- for- the long- haul?" "Yeah. Yes we are. It's just..." "What, babe?" Brian shuffled his feet, looking at the floor for a moment. "It's just, I owe you so much already. I feel like I will never be able to catch up. You give me more than you should as it is. I know I don't deserve to have you." "Dammit Brian, this isn't a competition." "Let me finish! I know I don't deserve you, and I'm the luckiest guy in the world to have you with me. It's hard for me to understand why you stay with me, because I can't see what you see. "I've been thinking about it since my appointment with Will. In my heart, I don't believe what you see is real. Sometimes, in my head, it's logical that I'm a good wrestler, a decent writer, and that I may have qualities you seem to find attractive, but in my heart, I can't believe that. If I don't feel worthy of your love, it's even harder to believe that you are willing to give me more than just your love. Do you understand?" "Some. But... what would it take for you to know that I'm not just leading you on? That I really, really do want to be with you for the rest of our lives?" A single tear fell down his cheek. "I wish I knew. In my head I believe you. In my heart... it hasn't sunk in." "It's okay, baby. Well figure it out, okay?" He nodded as I pulled his head into my chest. While I held him, wheels started turning in my head. I had an idea. The hard part would be getting it done. "Bri, I have a couple things I have to do. Will you be okay on your own for a bit?" "Why? What do you have to do?" "I have to make a couple of stops at the mall, and then the drug store. We're almost out of some stuff, and I want to make sure we have it for the trip." "Okay. Yeah, I guess I'll be okay for a little bit." He looked up at me. "Sorry I ruined your weekend." "Ruined my... Brian, you're here with me, and that makes it perfect. I wish I could get that into your heart." He rested his head against my shoulder for a few seconds. Times like these brought me closer and closer to Brian. "I'll let you do what you need too, now. I have some more writing to do anyway." "Alright." I released him. "I'll be back soon." "I know." "I love you, Bri." He rewarded me with a smile and kissed me softly on the lips, whispering, "I love you, too." He backed away, and ran his finger down across my still tingling lips, giving me a small smile as he did. When I was at arms length, he dropped his hand. Walking backwards to the stairs, he kept eye contact, the whole time giving me that sultry, electrifying smile. I was wearing tight pants anyway, but he made them even more uncomfortable! "See you soon, lover." Brian turned around, walking up the stairs, limping slightly as he did. Butt injury or no, he sure could be a tease when he wanted to. The rest of the day went smoothly. I ran my errands, which included stopping at a specialty store. I looked for about a half hour before finding just the right thing, and then told the shopkeeper what I wanted. He worked with me, and we came up with something that caught the tone I was looking for. The whole thing set me back more than I really wanted to spend, but this was for Brian, and I had to find a way to tell him I wasn't going anywhere. The clerk told me they could have the work done in a week. I asked if they could have it done by next Saturday, and he said it would be no problem. I thanked him and moved on to my next errand. I returned to the house about three hours after I left. Jared was crashed out on the couch, his head resting in Ray's lap as Ray watched a movie. He motioned me to be quiet. I smiled and watched them for a moment. Ray started fidgeting, uncomfortable under my gaze. "Sorry," I whispered. "You ever notice how peaceful his face is while he's sleeping? Brian sometimes looks like that when he's sleeping." Ray stroked Jared's hair fondly, looking not at all like a recalcitrant, gawky teen, but rather like a father looking at his son, or more appropriate, a lover watching his love. "Yeah," he whispered back, "I do this all the time with him. I just love having him near me, touching me. It makes me feel good." "I know what you mean. I'll leave you guys alone." Opening the door to our room, I saw Brian on the bed lying on his stomach, face away from me. I could hear him breathing. He seemed a bit congested. As I drew closer, I noticed the pillow was soaked, and the floor was strewn with used tissues. He had cried himself to sleep. Poor guy. He was having such a hard time with this, being brave for me as he struggled with all the pain inside. I sat on the bed. Brian jumped awake immediately. "Oh, hi." A massive yawn overtook him, so I waited it out. "How you doing, Bri?" He shrugged. "Okay, I suppose." His gaze shifted from my face, to the tear stained, snot-ridden pillow. "Not very well. I though that I had this under control, but I guess not." He shook his head. "I hate being this weak." "Give yourself a break, Bri. Allow yourself to be human every now and then. I understand, remember? I lost it, too, when my grandparents died. I've been where you are. I know what you are going through. I'll help you if you want me to. If you'll let me." He shuddered once, and then climbed out of bed, clad only in his shorts. Brian embraced me in a rib-creaking hug. "What would I do without you? Where would I be?" "Well, we don't have to answer those questions, do we? And I, for one, am forever grateful for that." His answering smile and contented sigh filled my heart. We sat together in the bed talking about what I had gone through when my grandparents passed on, sharing my feelings and thoughts, and relating them to what Brian was experiencing. Brian cried a little bit, but seemed more his old self as time went on. His dad had e-mailed us the ticket information, so I made the arrangements to get us to the airport on time for our flight. It didn't leave until five in the afternoon. Sharon made an appointment for Brian with Will on Monday. I thought it very important that Bri see Will, given the situation and all that happened. Ray had invited Jared over for dinner, so afterwards the five of us "kids" sat in the living room talking while Joanne helped Kevin and Sharon clean up. Brian laid on the couch while the rest of us sat. "You guys will be back on Sunday?" Jared had just found out about our trip down to California. "No, my dad changed his mind. We'll come back on Saturday morning." Ray piped up, "Why's that? Your parents hate you that much?" "Shut up, Ray. Even for you, that was bad." Jason glared with obvious disapproval. Ray had the grace to look embarrassed. "It's okay, Jason. I don't know why Dad scheduled things like that. Maybe he and Mom need time to themselves. I know my sister will be staying over at a friend's place for a while." Jared's concern for Brian was a blinking neon sign. "How are you doing, Brian?" He shrugged. "Okay, I guess. My grandparents and I drifted apart after Pete and I were separated. I don't think they could handle the fact that I am gay. I didn't visit them too much like we use to and every time I talked to them there was stress. So, it's like, I love them, but it's not the same as it was, so it's not as hard as I thought it would be. But I'm still having a difficult time." He stroked my leg gently. Jared nodded assent. "I know what you mean. My grandparents reacted to me the same way. I never talk to them anymore. When my parents go to visit, they leave me at home." "What about your grandparents, Jason? I've never heard anything about them." "Well, we don't normally talk about them. I haven't seen any of my grandparents since I was very small." "And you never wondered?" "Not really." He shrugged. "I would have been asking about them a long time ago." "I know you would have, Ray. It's a little different from my side of the fence, though." Lapsing into silence, our thoughts took us different directions. My grandparents had been wonderful, understanding people. They had gone so far as cutting my homophobic mother out of their will and leaving me her part of their estate. It was because of them that I could be with Brian and, if need be, support us on my own. The evening ended, and Jared went home, but not before Ray put one sizzling lip lock on him in front of everyone. Kevin cleared his throat midway through, but Ray ignored his admonition. Joanne, witnessing this, started her "Two Little Lovebirds" game again, just in time for Jared to make his escape, and get on Ray's nerves. He finally retreated to his bedroom, much to everyone's general amusement. I overheard Sharon say something about the punishment fitting the crime. I went to school Monday to get my schoolwork for our classes. I didn't see Brent's cronies at school. I stopped by the vice-principal's office. Mr. Johnson told me that Frank and Larry had both been arrested for brandishing, and they had been expelled as well for even bringing the things to school. I thought that was fitting, and I felt a little better about our eventual return to school. * * * * * Kevin dropped me off at Will's office, and then went on to the firm's office down town. He had been working on a case for a while from home, but now it was nearing trial, time needed to be spent with the team preparing the testimony and briefs. "Hi, Brian. How are you today?" "Okay I guess. I'm not handling my grandmother's death as well as I thought. It's rough, even though we aren't that close anymore. We used to be very close." "What happened?" I shrugged. "They found out I was gay." "How did that affect your relationship with them?" "Shot it to hell. I went to their place a couple times, but there was always tension there. They gave me looks on occasion, and they didn't talk to me the same way." I shrugged again. "So I guess I really didn't have to good of a relationship after I came out." "How does that make you feel?" "That I didn't have a relationship?" He nodded. "Angry. They couldn't accept me as who I am." "Any other emotions?" "Sadness, I guess. I missed what it was like before. I don't know." "Betrayal?" I thought for a moment. "Yeah, sort of. I guess I never thought about it in that way." "Do you feel guilty for ruining the relationship you had? Did you ever wish you weren't gay?" "Of course. Most gay guys do at some point, don't they?" "Some do. But did what happened between your grandparents and you prompt those thoughts?" "No. Not at first. I was just angry." "How do you feel about it now she's passed on?" "The same. No, more angry. I hate that they couldn't love me for who I am." "You don't have to feel guilty for having those feelings, you know. They are perfectly natural. If you didn't have those feelings, I'd be worried about you. You're awakening to your emotions, learning to feel them instead of suppressing them." "Huh. Maybe. So how do I deal with the guilt?" We talked for an hour or so, exploring my feelings toward my grandparents, and particularly my grandmother. In the end, I discovered I loved her deeply, but felt rejected. The pain from that rejection was coming out now, and there was no way I could reconcile with her. He told me to continue writing. Maybe write a letter to her, tell her how I feel, and what I wish could have happened. And then finally, give her the letter, as a way of saying goodbye. He let me stay in his office as he ate his lunch, so I could work on the letter, and talk to him if something came up. I knew he didn't do this with other clients, so I figured he must be a good friends with Sharon. She came to pick me up a short while later. Kevin was stuck at the office still. I said my goodbyes to Will, thanked him for his help, and we were on the way home. "How'd it go, Brian?" "Okay. Will's really easy to talk to. I like him." "I thought you might. Are you ready to go home tomorrow?" "I suppose. Thanks for letting Pete come with me. I can use his support." "It was completely his decision. We can't tell him what to do if he's made up his mind. If he'd asked our permission, we would have given it anyway." We pulled up to a red light, and she peered into my eyes. "We know how much you mean to each other. Anybody who knows you two are a couple can see it when you are together. I can sometimes even see it in his eyes when you are apart." Grinning, I said, "Sharon, I don't know what you're talking about." "Sure you don't." She smiled back, and the light turned green. Pete wasn't back when Sharon dropped me off, so I headed upstairs and fired up the comp. I was in the mood to write. It seemed that I always was after a session with Will. He looked me in my eyes, piercing my soul. His gaze never wavered as he said "Bri, I love you. I wanted you to be more than a friend. I have for a long time. But then I realized what that meant. That was one reason I went out with Ashley. I didn't want to be gay." He broke eye contact, looking at his shoes. Another big sigh and a sniffle. "But I am gay and I can't change that. I know that you may hate me and never want to be around me again, but I have to tell you or I won't be able to live with myself. I want you to be my boyfriend. I want you to be with me." He kicked at the gravel we were sitting in, making rocks fly. I couldn't believe my ears. He loved me. He loved ME! I never will understand why he chose me. As I sat there in silence, I studied his form. His hair was wild right now from his crying, and his eyes were puffy. His beautiful face, flushed and tear streaked, was lined with worry. I stared at him for what seemed to be a long time. He started to shift uncomfortably under my gaze. I thought he was going to get up and go, but I put a hand on his shoulder to stop him. He looked up at me, fear of rejection in his eyes. "Pete, I don't want to be gay either." Several emotions passed his face at once. Fear, disbelief, relief, joy, love, all within milliseconds of one another. I turned toward him and leaned in closer. "I have loved you since I met you, but I was too stupid to know it. And if I have to be gay to be with you," I said with conviction, "so be it." I moved closer to him and put my lips on his. His initial reaction was to back away, but when he realized what was actually happening, He leaned into me and we kissed for the first time. It was a gentle kiss, full of love and confirming what we both felt for each other. It lasted for eternity and ended all to soon. * * * * * When I got home, I found Brian upstairs pounding away at the keyboard. He was so absorbed that he didn't even notice when I came in until I started massaging his shoulders. He jumped at first, but then smiled up at me. "Remember the day behind the bleachers?" "Yeah. Like it was yesterday. Is that what you are writing about?" "Yeah. See?" I read what he had written, and didn't quite member it the way he did, but it was very close. I put my arms around his neck and hugged him to me. "I was so scared that day. I couldn't believe that you loved me back. I was ready to lose your friendship that day. I am so glad that I didn't." I squeezed him tightly. "Me too, babe. I have my regrets, but I don't regret coming out to you one bit." He pushed my arms away so he could stand, and then slipped back into them. Looking up at me, his eyes seemed to sparkle or shimmer as the penetrated deep into my soul. His love was so plain and so intense at that moment, I was taken aback. "I love you, Pete. More than anything." He raised up put his lips on mine, gently at first, and then kissed me more deeply. We fell onto the bed, holding each other close, sharing the depth of our love. ===0=== Constructive criticism and comments gladly accepted. Please e-mail me at dewey2k@yahoo.com. Flames will be ignored, then deleted. Please visit my website: http://members.tripod.com/dewey.ftlop/ I'd like to invite you to join a list that will notify you of new chapters being released for "Pete". To subscribe, you can write to: dewey2k-subscribe@listbot.com You can also subscribe to the list by visiting its ListBot page: http://dewey2k.listbot.com After you send or fill out a join request you will be sent a verification request, to which you will have to reply in order to complete the join process.