Date: Mon, 08 Sep 2008 01:17:35 +0200
From: feistontibia@gmail.com
Subject: For the sake of it: Emotions on display chapter 8

Written by: Feist
E-mail: feistontibia@gmail.com


---------------------DISCLAIMER--------------------
This story will eventually contain sexual acts
between underage males. It will also contain strong
language, violence and graphic details.
If you are underage, stop reading now.
If you live in an area where any of these before
mentioned acts are illegal, stop reading now.
If you're offended by existentialist views, or sexual
acts between male teenagers, stop reading now.
If this does not apply for you, enjoy reading!
---------------------DISCLAIMER--------------------


                       CHAPTER 8


It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Our teacher didn't show up
for the first ten minutes, after which someone from the director's
office came to inform us that the teacher was absent. We did however
have to stay in class 'and do homework'  without supervision. Now
there's a lot of things you can expect of a group sixteen year olds, but
doing homework without supervision? Especially a group of what; eighteen
men? Not going to happen. I think they knew that though and just didn't
want to send us home. The kids I was in class with were all talking to
each other, about basically everything a normal teenager worry's about.
Dates, party's, parents, everything. A few kids even mentioned Dario's
party once, which got me to listen a bit more careful.

"Have you heard Dario's throwing this INSANE party while his parents are
away?" I heard one of the more popular girls in my class say. The girl
next to her opened her mouth as if to scream, put her hand in front of
her mouth and just stared at her friend with big eyes.

"Oh my GOD!? Are you kidding me? Do you know who's invited? I'd give
everything to be invited to one of HIS party's!" She basically screamed,
and now more people joined in the conversation.

"Well Jessica, I don't think anyone here's invited though. He only
invites like, the jocks, some juniors and...basically EVERY popular kid"
a scrawny girl said from the back of the class. It was obvious from the
look on her face and the way she said it that she wasn't at all
interested in such a party. She was wrong about no-one in our class
joining the party though.

"Well, I'm going" I said, and immediately regretted it. Why did I
actually do it? All faces turned to me, with awe struck expressions on
them.

"No way!" a lot of people said, while others, mostly guys, just beamed
and smiled. There was one guy however who stared at me a bit dark. His
name was Jeff, I didn't know what his last name was, but that didn't
matter. The thing about him is that he's a total fuck up in everything
he does. He fails most of his grades, doesn't ever pay attention in
class, and has been caught smoking weed on the school yard. They almost
expelled him, but his dad, who happens to be fairly well-off, managed to
keep him in school. He was clearly thinking of something to say.

"What? You going to Dario's party? Don't think so, that's just a lie" he
said, with a lot of sarcasm in his voice. "Now why would anyone invite
you to a party, I mean, you never do anything. You don't ever hang out,
always sit alone. Your just a retard really." he followed, now producing
a big grin on his face. I didn't know why this...pathetic person always
had to be the bad apple, but somehow, he always managed to within a
single sentence.

"Well obviously I must've done something right to be invited then,
haven't I?" I tried him out, producing a fake smile on my face towards
him too. He clearly had to think about this, but I also noticed it
wasn't over yet.

"We'll just see if you go to his party, we'll just see." he said,
something evil in his voice. I didn't know what to think it, but I
really didn't care too much. If he wanted to be the tough kid, fine. I
couldn't care less. I joined back in the other conversations, which I
thought were slightly happier. It took me only a second though to
realize all the conversation was actually going about me. It seemed like
me being invited pushed my social grade up a few notches. Ouch, did I
want that? I still remember what I used to think about it. And I'm
definitely not the social type. Questions about if I could invite
someone over were thrown to my head from every direction and I just
smiled weakly, not giving out any real answers. I had no idea if I could
be inviting anyone; hell, it wasn't even my party! So I just sat there,
ignoring the questions, until the subject died out.

It was almost the end of class when I gathered my books and took, don't
ask me why, a last look at Jeff. He was still glancing at me with this
mad look on his face. Did this kid hold a grudge for something or what?
I asked myself. The bell rang and I stood up, but once I was about to
walk away I felt a hard push against my shoulder, and Jeff walking past
me quickly. He looked furious, but didn't look back after this. What the
hell was his problem...

I left the classroom and realized that it was lunchtime. I went over to
the cafeteria, on the place I decided to meet up with Dennis. He was
already standing near the counters, scanning the area, probably for me.
I noticed his leg trembling slightly, and just sighed. I had never seen
him without doing something nervous ever. I also didn't know if I ever
was going to. I walked up to him, and when he saw me about twenty feet
away, he already started to blush.  Was this some kind of trick to get
me all hot and bothered over him? Because if it was, it really was
working. I smiled at him and stuck out my hand, which he shook politely,
but trembling while doing so.

"Hey Dennis, how's things? You look a bit nervous" I said, mentally
kicking myself for making him feel uncomfortable. I couldn't help it
though. He smiled slightly and we both walked to get ourselves some
food. I took my sandwiches from home, but decided I'd just buy
something, to.. I don't know, be on the same level or something. We then
walked towards a table with our food and sat down, he on the opposite of
me. I started eating and noticed him not touching anything. He was
looking at his plate thoroughly, as if something interesting were
happening there. I knew something was up.

"Damian, about Saturday... I don't know if we should like..meet up or
something. I don't think it's a good idea, I have homework and such
and..." he tried to say, sounding really uncomfortable. I saw right
through it and knew he was chickening out on me. For what; I have no
idea, but he was.

"Why? I was actually quite looking forward to it. I mean, we never hung
out really so, once gotta be a first" I said calmly, not giving him any
reason to jump back from me.

"I just...Do you really still want to? I mean, if you'd rather do
something else that's also fine with me." he then said, but already
slightly more confident. I knew where this was going. He expected me not
to like hanging out with him. He really didn't know how it was to be
around him. Just looking at him, I could easily fall in love. Especially
with his personality included. He looked so cute sitting there, pushing
the bread with his fork softly, looking at it intently. What do I do
now? I knew the conversation was going to end if I didn't come up with
something to make him feel comfortable. But how could I try to make him
feel more comfortable, if I didn't even know what his problem was?

"Dennis..can I just ask you; seriously, why are you always so nervous?
At least, every time I see you?" I asked him softly, making sure no one
could hear us. Where a few seconds ago was a hint of hope, there was
only sadness now.

"Oh..well, I don't know. It's just that I don't have a lot of friends
you know, especially not someone like..Never mind it OK. I guess it'll
go over." he said, until his voice was merely above a whisper. He
started eating his food now, making sure that the question was done. I
just didn't know what to think of his answer. I mean, now I still have
no idea, except for that I was right about him not having a lot of
friends. But how can that make someone so nervous? I've never really
seen him talk to a lot of other people before, but that's because we
only really talk in class, and he's kind of quiet in there. I think the
best thing to do is just ignore it for now, and see what happens on
Saturday. Which will be different, after my dad's funeral.

We finished the rest of our lunch without too much talk, he did seem to
cheer up some, but basically because I didn't ask him these kind of
questions anymore. It was a good lunch after all, and I hoped to have it
more often with him. I decided to just ask him if he wanted it.

"You know Dennis, this was fun. Should do it more often. Don't you
think?" I said, just normally. He looked up at me and thought for a few
seconds before answering.

"Yea, I'd like that. It's better to have lunch with someone than sitting
by yourself, hehe" he said, after which he added "...And thanks for
asking me, it means a lot you know?" he said, and I almost couldn't hear
him say it. My heart melted right there. He just had to be a trained
actor trying to trick me, how else could he be so unimaginably cute.

"It's no problem, you're OK you know that? People don't look further
than seeing that you're, ehm, a nervous guy, but the rest of you is
really cool!" I tried, thinking that giving him a slight compliment
would maybe help. And it did, his face cleared up and he actually smiled
now.

"Thanks! you're OK too, you know that" he said, probably thinking he
needed to compliment me back. "Anyway, lunch break is over...so, I guess
I'll see you later then" he said, with a slight pout on his face. He
clearly didn't want to leave yet, now conversation was going smoother.
He stood up first though, and I followed him. We took our plates and
brought them back to the disposal. We then walked through the cafeteria
next to each other, and I don't know if I was sure, but it seemed like
it was closer than before.

"What class have you got now?" I asked him, wondering if I could maybe
walk him to his class. He thought for a second, and I noticed he did
this by staring off into space. It was so cute, I thought, but then what
wasn't? How come no one ever notices this? I was glad I did though, and
I treasured it like my little secret. Like having a secret place for
yourself in the woods, that nobody knows of. It's a great place to be,
but no one knows about it. That was what Dennis was to me.

"Ehm..yea I think I've got French now" he said, and I knew that that
class was close to me. Yea, I was going to spend another few minutes
with this cutie!

"Cool! That's close to my class, so I'll walk you over there" I said,
and we both continued in the same direction, heading towards his French
class. We didn't talk about anything special anymore, but it was nice
anyway. We finally arrived at his class and I was almost sad to see him
go.

"Thanks for walking me over here Damian, that was cool" He said, again
looking at the ground. I wish he could stop doing the cute-thing. It
wasn't good for me, or actually him either. I could jump him any minute
if he went through with it.

"Anytime! I'll have to go now though, don't wanna be late" I said, gave
him a quick nod and walked to my own class which was only a few rooms
further. The day was just getting better and better I thought, until I
had to begin class again and realized I wasn't going to see Dennis
anymore today.

Luckily school finished sooner than I thought it would, and I took the
bus home quickly. I knew that when I got home, my grandma would try to
push me in doing stuff for the funeral, and that was fine with me. I
knew my speech was finished, and I hoped my mom had hers finished too. I
also hoped that she straightened herself out a bit. The bus drive home
seemed to take longer than normal, but this was because I wanted to be
home quick. Just some quick revising of my speech would do, and I'd do
it in the garden since the weather was particularly well.

Once I arrived at home I took something to drink and sat down in the
living room with my mom and my grandma. They had both been enjoying a
day out in the garden, and I even thought my mom looked kind of good due
to the circumstances. What a bit of sunlight can do to a person. My
grandma told me that they had been weeding and mowing the law together,
just talking about how it was before my dad died, and she thought it had
helped my mom a lot. To be faced with her husband in the past tense,
accepting he wasn't there anymore, was a good thing. She also started to
realize that no matter how bad the event itself was, she would come out
of the situation a whole lot wiser. It's a sad thing, but true.

I offered my help in the garden but they told me they were almost done
already. I could however, as expected, clean my room and help a bit for
dinner later on. I asked my grandma what we were going to cook but she
just smiled at my mom, and winked at her.

"Your mom is going to cook today, she said she wanted to do it by
herself now, and I quite agree. An old lady like me needs to be served
some times" she said with a small smile on her face. My mom was also
smiling, and it even looked genuine. It was perhaps the first time in
these few days that I saw her smiling, and it cheered me up a lot. I
knew that whatever my mom was going to cook, it would be great. Even if
it was just because she was able to do it with love again. I'd just tell
her it was one of the best meals she ever cooked, and hope it would make
her feel even better. After some short talk I went inside again to go to
my room and clean it up. When I walked in I noticed that it really did
need to be cleaned. Clothes were everywhere, school books and papers
were spread over the floor and empty bowls and glasses stood on every
table and drawer. How come I didn't notice it? I guess it was because I
was just too much in another world with my head. I normally love to have
a clean room, but I just couldn't be bothered with it the last few days.
I cleaned it up as properly as I could, bringing all the glasses
downstairs and putting all my clothes in the laundry. It looked pretty
decent again, after just fifteen minutes of work. I then booted up my PC
to check if I had any mail.

No luck. No one send me anything. Not that I could really expect
anything, but it would be nice if I did. I also thought that maybe I
would have to send some mails myself if I ever wanted to get something
back. I decided that I would mail Dennis or Terry this evening after
dinner, just a friendly note. My grandma informed me from downstairs
that my mom was going to cook dinner and if I wanted to place the plates
on the table and everything. We were going to eat outside since the
weather was really nice, and she didn't want to walk over there all the
time by herself. I came down quick and helped her with it. She thanked
me afterwards and then kept me out out of my mother's earshot.

"Damian, thanks for helping. You know, I wanted to ask you about your
speech. I never had a look at it and maybe it's just.." she started, but
it was clear that she didn't know how to finish her sentence.

"It's OK grandma, I've got it all finished, edited and checked for
errors. Thanks for offering the help though" I said, smiling at her
hoping she would change the subject. She didn't however and looked away.

"It's just that, maybe it would be best if you let me read it, just to
check if the text is...appropriate." she said, uncomfortably so. "Not
that I expect you to do anything of that, but you wouldn't want to hurt
your mom's feelings now would you?" she said, calming down now. Where
was this conversation going? Was she trying to.. I don't know, filter
some things out of my speech? The things I wrote down were definitely
things she didn't want to hear me saying in public, but I really didn't
care. It was my complete decision what I was going to say, and she
didn't have to agree with it whatsoever.

"It's OK grandma...there's nothing inappropriate in there. You'll be
proud of me, it's nothing special. Just a a few words, like you told me,
OK?" I said, and gave her a reassuring look. She thought for a few more
seconds, clearly trying to think of something to persuade me with, but
failed eventually.

"OK then, that's fine. Just..make sure your mom won't get upset, will
you?" she finished her speech, not knowing if she had to feel relieved
or worried.

"She won't be upset. Besides, it's a funeral. It's kind of normal for
people to get..upset, isn't it?" I said, and saw my grandma's face
getting something friendlier again.

"That's right, very true. And if it happens, just know that I'll be
there for you if you need me. I could also stand next to you, so you
don't have to do it all by yourself" she offered, and I politely
refused. Tomorrow was going to be a hard day. For both me and my mom,
but also for everyone else who was there.

"OK I'll go and check on your mom now, see if she's doing everything
alright" she said while winking at me. I knew she was just going to give
her some company, and see if she didn't get depressed again. For some
reason I didn't think it would happen though before tomorrow.

I went back to my PC again and wrote Terry and Dennis both a quick mail
asking how they were doing. I figured that I could as well start off
immediately being social. After the funeral I might need some friends to
fall back on. I checked them for errors and posted them, closed the mail
program and saw the document with my speech for the funeral. I decided
to open it and read it once more, inspecting it thoroughly. So far I
didn't miss anything. It would be rather long, but the information was
valuable. There were also bits that scared me a bit, but I'd just have
to switch my mind to zero and read it anyway. I knew that it was the
most honest thing to do towards my dad, and my only chance. After I
reread it for the fourth time I decided it was flawless, as far as
possible, and hit the print button. I then folded the paper and put it
on my desk.

"Dinner's ready!" my mom called from downstairs. I was glad to hear her
voice again; as if everything was normal again. I walked downstairs and
enjoyed a nice meal with my mom and grandma. My mom didn't even fall
back into denial about dad, so that was a very good thing.

The rest of the evening was rather nice, I watched some TV with my mom
and grandma, after which I went to bed early. Tomorrow was going to be a
crazy day, and I'd better be well prepared for it.



END OP CHAPTER 8





Note of the author:-------------------ATTENTION-------------------------

As first, a real big apology for being so late with this chapter. A lot
has
happened the last few months, most being away on holiday. The chapters
will
again follow more frequently, and I do not intend to make another stop
of 3 -months- again. That's just crazy!
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