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I woke up shaken the next morning. I had never had a dream that I could remember that vividly before. I was shaking so hard that my mother came in and asked. "Is there anything wrong, honey?"
"I'm fine, I just had a nightmare that's all." I responded quickly, I really didn't need mom trying to baby me about something silly like a nightmare. And I was fully aware that she would. After that interaction she nodded and said something about me always being able to come talk to her then left. I was lying my ass off to her, that dream had freaked me out. I wanted to forget about it but it just kept nagging at me all morning. During breakfast, when my sister drove us to school. We both go to the same high school, I'm a freshman this year and she is a Junior. My brother is a sophomore, but were the same age. Oh, I forgot to mention that I have a identical twin brother. He's much more of a bookworm then I am, he even skipped a grade. Although anyone who looked at him wouldn't think so, he's not nerdy in the least bit and he's in with the in crowd a lot more then I am.
"What's wrong bro?" He asked me, it was obvious to him that I was freaked out, and I knew it was. We have been together our entire lives and we both can read each other like children's picture books.
"Oh I just had a nightmare last night that I still can't shake off. I should be fine later after I've had time to cool of."
"I certainly hope so." My sisters voice chimed in, "You are almost shivering like you saw a ghost or a premonition or something."
"You sure your ok?" My brother asked me.
"I'm fine." I lied through my teeth again. I didn't want him worrying about me. I didn't want anyone worrying about me, the less people babying me the better, I have enough problems as it is let alone with people thinking I'm a scardy cat. My brothers name is Ian and my sisters name is Elena. Their cool and they never give me shit. They sometimes baby me a bit, but I know that's just cause they care. I sometimes baby Ian too, being that were twins, but he's technically the older one, so he babies me more..
When we got to school I met Jesse and Michael at the usual place by the fountain and we talked as we walked to first period. I was still a little out of it because of the dream, but for some reason being at school and talking with these two jerks made me feel better. No I really don't get it either but, whatever.
We got to our English class almost exactly on time as usual and took our normal seats next to each other at the back of the class. Right in the asshole department, I again do not know why I hang out with these people... I guess I just always had, so when they became assholes I just kept hanging out with them. The three of us sat in the back, and three girls sat in front of us. Gina, Kathy, and Annie. I usually pretended to hear them while actually paying attention to the class. I never told them that I was getting strait Bs. They would freak given their C/D averages. But oh well.
Today the girls were paying more attention to me then normal, I could have sworn they were flirting with me, but I was more interested in what the teacher was saying. Mr. Decker, that's my English teacher, was talking about this book he wanted us to read next. It was called A Density of Souls which sparked interest to me. He had gone through a lot of trouble to get copies for us even though it was usually not in the schools budget to get hard bound books. So it had to be a good book. Mr. Decker was a weird one. He was one of those people who you could never tell what he was thinking at any given moment. He surprised me a lot and I really liked his class. Any way he was telling us how he really liked the book and that he thought most of us would too. He refused to tell us anything more about the plot, so the class fell into yet another long conversation about A Midsummer Night's Dream, which I would have loved to join in on, but that would clue in these jerks that I was actually into school. I really don't like them that much, but their the only people I hang out with, and I'm not willing to give that up. But oh well.
Cool the bell rang. On to my next class. The morning basically continued that way, sitting in the back of the class with a group of jerks, I had at least one of those five kids in every one of my classes. It was actually complete coincidence other then my English class. Which me, Jesse, and Michael had signed up for together. You got to sign up for the teachers you wanted at our highschool, even in your freshman year. One of the bonuses to going to a private prep school. I was here almost entirely on my merits, my father paid my brother and my sister's way through but the year between when he started and I started we got into a big fight about something and he decided to let me fend for myself in terms of school for a year. Mother protested but there was nothing she could do, he was the one who paid for everything and there was nowhere for any of us to go if he stopped. But I got in on scholarship and so I didn't have many problems.
But anyway, my morning was very boring. Lunch was the turning point of the day, I ended up eating alone. Jesse and Michael joined the girls and I really didn't feel like sitting with them, so I ate my lunch on my own. I found a place on the corner of the field which is away from everything, this is where I always come to eat and gather my thoughts when I'm not eating with my "friends." Today I was considering possibilities. I needed to do something so I wondered what the dream meant. First I thought it was a fluke. Then I began to wonder into dangerous territory. Maybe, I thought, I haven't ever thought that a girl was cute... But then again I have never thought a guy was cute either... Have I? No I couldn't of, me gay, that's rich. That couldn't ever happen. After that I heard the bell ring for the second half of the day. First I have academic work all morning, then I have art. And finally baseball practice.
My art class was rather boring today cause the teacher had brought in a speaker. Not that the art was bad, I just prefer painting to looking. Although I prefer writing over all of the other stuff. I write stories poetry, as long as it's fiction I'm game. I hate formal writing, there is nothing interesting about it. I'd rather speak or debate then write down my arguments. I just find that more interesting.
I went to base ball practice and noticed that people were paying more attention to me then normal. I didn't really think much of it, in fact I barely noticed. After all I was the only Freshman on the varsity baseball team. I was used to the looks, just not from the team. Practice went by as normal, I'm almost the best hitter on the team but my fielding sucks so they put me in catcher. I do alright but the main reason they do that is to put in their main line up. I've always been a great hitter. I'm ambidextrous for one thing, meaning I'm a switch hitter, and I can adjust my swing to the pitch. I can even turn a full blown swing into a bunt if I really need to. It's my only real athletic skill, but I'm glad I have it so I can avoid P.E. That and the captain of the baseball team Alec is really nice. I'd rather spend time with the team then my friends, but they are all upper class men and so I don't see them much. This is why I hang out with such jerks.
After baseball practice Keith, one of the people on the team, waited for me, I usually got a ride home from him. He is the only person on the team I really know, since we talk on the way home and he lives like three blocks away from me. I've been to his house before but it was really only to get something, he often takes me to the games to. He's the pitcher and a pretty good one at that. He's one of the few pitchers on the team who can throw a ball I can't hit. I know he would get shit in school if his parents were known, but as I said, I try not to judge people that way. All the reason why is cause his parents are a couple of gay guys. One of them is his birth father, although he was a test tube baby from some unknown mother. His other father adopted him. He told me this in one of our many conversations. I guess he knew I wouldn't tell anybody. Both his parents know it could be tough on him if they were known as being gay at school. So they try to remain in conspicuous, and are doing a very good job at it if I say so my self. I think he may be my best friend, he's certainly a better friend then Jesse and Michael the asswipes. For one thing he's a junior who actually pays attention to me a lowly freshman. Not that I'm one of those people who everyone hates or ignores. I just don't really like any of the other people at school, platonically or otherwise.
Today I decided to walk home, I needed to think about stuff, thoughts I'd been having in my random staring. What that damn dream meant which even though it's shock had subsided, I could still remember it vividly.
"You com'in?" He asked impatiently.
"Naw, I'm gonna walk today. I have some thinkin to do."
"Alright, but you know I'll give you a ride any time." I knew that so I just said yeah and stated walking.
On the way home I was thinking about the question that had been nagging me all the way home. And before you ask, no it was not am I gay. Hmpf, me gay, that is preposterous. I was actually wondering why the girls were flirting with me today and really giving it their all, I had never flirted with them before and I wasn't about to start now. I hated those assholes and not a bit of tits or anything could change that.
After I got home I ate dinner as normal and then went to bed early. I needed to think in bed, I had questions that had been stirred by the thoughts I had today and on the way home and in my conversations with Keith and Alec. What I had thought to be preposterous only an hour before was showing it's long neck in front of me and like the vampire that I was I urged to take a bite.
The main thing that led me on this track was this one sentence that came to mind during dinner while I was still thinking about why the girls did that. "I really don't think I like them all that much anyway." Sure I've said that many times before but this time I was thinking "like" like not friendly like. Although the signs were all pointing in the direction I could never willingly step in, I refused to believe it. In my head it was still too preposterous for me. I eventually thought myself to sleep.
That night I had the same dream only the forest of shadows was clearer. I saw the girls from school and the baseball team and some people I knew in the halls as I ran. Then I looked back and saw who was chasing me, it was Jesse. While I was looking back I tripped and fell over and Jesse caught up to me. When he reached me he branded a knife and jumped at me and that's when I woke up. I no longer wondered what the dream meant, even in my half asleep nostalgia I knew why the people at school were acting that way. I didn't at all know what to do though. Even though everything about me was telling me that it didn't matter cause it was true. My mind still refuses to believe me. The only thing I can think coherently right now was one word "fag." As I began to realize what was going on I heard myself say "What am I going to do when they call me fag tomorrow?" Then I felt shed a tear and fell back to sleep. Without even realizing it I fell back over and slept. After that all my dreams lent me was blackness...
To Be Continued...
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