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From Behind Those Eyes - Chapter 20

Jesse.

He was this amazing, blond, full of life, sexy as hell guy, and he was mine. Miraculously, we had managed to make it this far, even against all the odds, somehow we both had managed to put aside our fears, our comfort, even at times our egos, and make this work. From that first night at the dance, even before I knew anything about the guy behind the mask that had captivated me, I knew there was something special about him.

Looking into those same eyes now, as he looked down at me, I saw that same spark, that same quality that had captured me and pulled me in before, but behind that there was so much more now. There was love, respect, pride, friendship, all of these things that we have slowly discovered and grown together. It was all so new and I still learned new things about Jesse everyday, but I decided early on that there was nothing I wanted more than to learn everything there was to know about him.

He might have started out as HOT Jesse Green, but now he was so much more. At first he was a challenge, a threat, a catalyst for every insecurity I ever had about myself that I never had the courage to face, but now, he was more than that. He was vitality and excitement and courage and love, he represented what I had always been, but was never brave enough to actually be.

I know in the beginning, I was scared. Scared to be who I truly was, scared to let myself try, scared of what would happen and how things would change, but now I knew better. Being with Jesse, truly giving myself to him and to our relationship and the commitment we had made to each other, was one of the things I would always take pride in. It was safe to say that this thing we shared together, this roller coaster of discovery and smiles and tears, this lesson of what’s important and how to love someone unconditionally and to love yourself fully, who you really are, was a significant step for us both.

We cultivated our feelings for each other, safely hidden from most everyone, and I guess, in a way, it made it all that much easier to be genuine, and I appreciated anything that would make this really difficult and emotional time easier to get through. I knew that things with Jesse had moved quickly, but I also knew that what I felt was real, and I wouldn’t trade one minute of my whole self acceptance and discovery for anything.

It wasn’t really a discovery I guess, I had known I was gay since the ninth grade; maybe acceptance isn’t the right word. It was more like allowance I guess. Allowing myself to feel, to love and be loved, to find someone to complete me in a way that no one else ever could. Allowing myself to be proud enough of who I was to let love in and give love in return to the person I felt was the right one for me.

Jesse.

After the talk Bobby and I had out on the deck that overlooked the lake, we managed to find our way back inside to find an absolutely giddy Jules with Sean trying to calm her down. She was so excited about a million things all at once and I don’t think her head could handle it all. There was the party that had gone on without any major trouble, there was her gift, which I really loved, and then there was my declaration to Bobby, and the rest of the people in the room that Jesse was my boyfriend and I was gay.

Then there was Jesse, and while I know that he was smiling and laughing right along with the rest of us, it was the unmistakable love I found in his eyes every time I looked in them that made me the most happy that I had taken that chance, exposed myself to Bobby, and ultimately, was able to show Jesse how much I loved the fact that he was my boyfriend and that I loved him more than I loved the safety of omitting the plain and simple truth that I was gay and I loved him.

We sat around for a little while longer laughing and talking about what had gone on during the party and even found a way to tease Bobby a little about how long he had spent making out with Kelly before they all headed home. I hugged Jules tightly as she whispered ‘Happy Birthday Stephen, I love you’ in my ear right before she managed to jump on Jesse and thank him again for helping her throw the party.

Sean hugged me and then Jules promptly dragged him out the door as he shouted some sort of goodbye to Jesse. I was so glad that Bobby and I had worked out things between us, and as I stood there in the entryway next to my lifelong friend, Jesse managed to pick up on the awkwardness and make the first move so to speak.

“Bobby, I just want to say thanks,” he started as Bobby looked unsure of what he was being thanked for. “I’m really glad that everything is all out in the open now and that you’re okay with all this.”

“Oh. Yeah, me too actually,” he agreed. “I’ve been thinking about it and… I’m really happy for you guys, both of you. Besides, it’s kinda cool to know something only a few other people know, and knowing that I only know because you guys trusted me enough makes it all that much better. Anyway… I better go before my mom sends out a search party after her car… forget that her only son is in it,” he said as he rolled his eyes for effect.

Bobby looked over at me and smiled genuinely, and then turned to head out the door, but he only made it to the doorway before I was hugging him. I knew he didn’t expect it when he felt my arms wrap around him from behind, but the best part was, he just laughed and let me hug him. There was no weirdness between us, he was the same friend I had always had and nothing was going to change that, not even me being gay.

It was a little before midnight when we were finally alone. It didn’t take long for the lack of time spent close to each other or the intimate moment earlier that night to take hold of our emotions and bring us together. Jesse made sure everything was closed up as it should be before taking my hand and leading me up the stairs to his room. I pulled off my t-shirt deciding that I didn’t need it anymore tonight and I tossed it on my bag that was sitting over in the corner.

I felt Jesse’s hands on my back first as he walked up behind me, sliding them down and then around, grabbing me by the hips and pulling me against his body, his soft lips landing gently on my warm skin. I almost melted against him when I felt the heat from his body pressing against my own and my head dropped back on his shoulder as his lips found my neck, sucking gently there and causing the sound that managed to escape my lips.

“Like that?” Jesse asked, though he already knew the answer to that.

“Mmmm, yeah,” I groaned out as his mouth found that spot again and I felt his arms circle my waist as I grabbed him and pulled him closer to me, pressing against me.

I could feel his body reaching the same state as mine as he instinctively pressed his erection harder against me and even through both pairs of jeans it was something that felt amazingly right. It suited me to have him wrapping his arms around me, loving me, pressing his body against mine. It just felt so right to me, like I needed more and more of him, and I was more than eager about the fact that I knew there would be no interruptions, no rushing, just Jesse and I and our love, our passion taking us where ever it is we wanted to go together.

His hands slipped down further from where they had been resting on my hips and then slowly, they ran up along my thighs, his fingertips sliding up along the inseam, until they arrived at the place where my own erection was straining against the front of my jeans, and he cupped it determinedly, without hesitation. I was losing myself in the feeling of being in his arms, his warm mouth sucking at the sensitive skin on my neck, his hand holding my dick firmly, and it was effortless. It was a feeling I would never fight, I could never hold back.

I almost whimpered out in protest when his hands moved up further leaving me wanting more, wanting his hands back where they were, as they slid up over my stomach and his arms circled around me letting his hands trace their way around my chest. My own hands were clutching his hips in an effort to keep my legs from giving out, to keep myself steady as my body begged for more. Before I knew what was happening, he had my jeans unbuttoned and those hands I wanted on me were getting closer again.

He backed away from me only slightly, holding me up in the process, before turning me around to face him. I couldn’t help it, the need I felt to be closer to him still, connected physically, like we were emotionally, and my lips landed roughly on his almost in desperation. I had one arm around his waist pulling his body against mine, his still concealed erection grinding against mine as I tipped my head slightly in an effort to deepen our kiss before I felt him suck my bottom lip in between his own.

My mind was reeling with possibilities and sensations, feelings of pleasure mixed with excitement, as I felt Jesse’s hands cupping the sides of my face, pulling my mouth further over his. Thoughts flooded my mind, like flashes of some erotic scene almost, where Jesse and I were loving each other. It was something I had been thinking about more and more lately, something I wanted to feel with him and the way his hands were sliding down my bare back until they found my ass and pulled me up against him was more than inviting as his straining erection pressed up against mine providing me with some much needed contact.

Sometime along the way, between him turning me around to face him and his hands sliding down my back, my jeans had managed to gather unceremoniously in a pool around my ankles and I couldn’t easily step out of them since I still had my shoes on. I decided I didn’t care anymore though when Jesse seemed to use that fact to his advantage and his hands were firmly grasping my ass while I held onto him in an effort not to fall down, partly from the not so flattering way my pants were impairing my ability to move and partly because my head was spinning in that way it does when nothing else matters but the feelings you’re experiencing.

The feelings, this moment, Jesse and I, and nothing but time and love to motivate our every action and reaction, it was almost surreal. At the same time though, I was very aware, even if it was only subconsciously, that this was, in fact, our reality, and for a moment I absorbed that piece of information, rolling it around in my head before I felt myself smiling against his lips. I couldn’t help it, and it just grew and grew and before I knew it, I could feel him smiling too.

I wasn’t exactly sure why he was smiling, but thoughts of the look on his face tonight when I held out my hand for him, asking him to join my life publicly, the feel of him swaying in my arms, his head resting on my shoulder while his blond hair feathered gently over his cheek and tickled my neck flooded my head and I just couldn’t stop myself. It was involuntary, as all the best smiles are, and amazing in that way that only a genuine smile can make you feel.

Eventually I pulled my smiling lips away from his and was rewarded with that smile he has, the one that can brighten anything, make everything seem a million times better, it was powerful, magical. I looked down and noticed the prohibitive state of my pants and as his eyes followed mine down to the heap of material around my feet we both started laughing. Carefully, he guided me to the edge of the bed where I sat down to remedy the situation.

“You should take those off,” he said, suggesting the obvious. “I wouldn’t want you to fall or anything.”

“Yeah,” I agreed as I tried to uncover my shoes so I could untie them.

“Besides, I need to go get something. I’ll be right back,” he said and left the room before I had a chance to ask any questions.

I managed to get my shoes and pants off and I took them over to my bag. While I was putting my stuff away I noticed the bottle I had packed, carefully hidden under all my clothes, and remembered trying to get up enough nerve to even pay for it. I was in the drug store and after making a few subtle passes to make sure no one else was on that aisle, I headed down there in search of what I was looking for. I remember thinking, who knew there were so many choices, and which one was the right choice?

Tubes, bottles, flavors, the choices were almost overwhelming when combined with the mass variety of condoms in the same section so eventually I just grabbed a bottle, not wanting to be caught standing there and headed to the check out. It’s funny how awkward you can feel trying to be mature and adult about something. I mean having sex, or doing things that may ultimately lead up to having sex are a big deal, and I finally decided that if I wasn’t mature enough to handle buying the stuff needed, then I obviously wasn’t ready to be doing it either, right before I walked up to the lady behind the cash register who was probably old enough to be my great grandma and paid for my lube.

But now, seeing the bottle there sticking out of my bag, I had other thoughts, different thoughts. Thoughts of Jesse, of his body against mine, the heat and connection and excitement I felt whenever we were with each other. I’m not sure what I expected; I had no plans, I just knew that I wanted to be ready if he decided he was ready for more too. Jesse walked back in then, his shirt missing this time, and I noticed his necklace as my fingers managed to find mine subconsciously and he smiled as he noticed what I was doing.

His eyes were seductive when I found them with my own and it flustered me in a way, he was so beautiful, perfect, and all mine, but he always looked so good that it almost hurt. There was something about the way you could see his smile dancing in his eyes, the way his hair fell in his face, I loved him, everything about him and tonight was our night. I couldn’t imagine not being close to him, even him being just a few feet away as he stood in the doorway, that was too far away for me.

“What are you doing way over there?” I asked with as much poutiness as I could manage.

“Just looking at you,” he flirted from where he leaned up against the doorway.

“Where’d you go anyway?” I complained. “I missed you.”

“Oh, well… since it’s officially your birthday now, I thought I should give you the rest of your present,” he answered.

“The rest? But you already gave me something so great,” I said as he walked over with one more present.

It was long and thin, rectangular shaped and wrapped in birthday paper with a ribbon tied around it. He sat down next to me and handed me the gift. We were shoulder to shoulder with him sort of leaning on me as I decided whether or not to tear the paper open or carefully try and undo the taped corners. I managed to get it open and realized it was a picture frame, black velvet on the back and when I flipped it over the silver frame gleamed in the light as I saw a picture of Jesse mounted in the frame.

It was his Homecoming picture; Jesse dressed in his old style white shirt with the frilly cuffs with his black vest over it, he was masked, and those eyes, the ones that had caught my attention and then kept it, the ones urging me to go after what I wanted, to be who I was, to find love, it was all in the picture and I just stared at it for a long time, remembering everything, every detail that had led up to today, to this moment.

“Do you like it?” he asked quietly, as if it was even possible for me not to.

“I do,” I told him as I pulled my eyes away from those in the picture to find the real ones, “but the real thing is so much better.”

The smile that earned me was matchless, irreplaceable, perfect. I stood up and put the picture on his dresser and then I went and thanked him properly. I walked over to where he was sitting and once I was standing in front of him, he pulled me down over him, and I kissed him as the weight of my body landed on his. I needed him, I wanted him, I wanted this, more than anything.

I rolled off of him halfway and in less than a minute he was naked and working towards getting me that way also and I gladly did anything I could to further his cause. This time I pulled him down over me, my head landing on his pillow with his hand behind it, our chests pressed together. We were nose to nose, breathing heavily already with the intensity of our emotions, our bodies loving the contact, the indescribable way they just fit together like pieces of a puzzle, before I lifted my head just enough for my lips to brush his.

He kissed me deeply, lovingly, in a way that said there was no other kiss that would ever compare to this one, the kiss of a love that was meant to be. His lips were on mine as his tongue found its’ way next to mine and he tasted sweet, like Jesse, my Jesse. I held on to him, my hands on his back, his hips moving against mine providing us both with an intense sensation that I hoped would never end.

I felt his hot breath on my neck, before I heard his words, “Happy Birthday baby, I love you.”

“I love you too Jess,” I admitted effortlessly as his sweet, red lips moved their way down my body, kissing and licking, sucking what felt like every inch of my skin before he ended up kneeling between my legs, looking up at me, a heat behind his eyes that was only equivalent to the heat I felt inside before I watched him as those same lips slid gracefully over my cock and it was as involuntary as my need for him to love me when a sound that could only mean approval escaped my throat.

His hands were on my thighs, softly kneading the skin there as I spread my legs further. I wanted those hands to move up, to touch me, and soon they were as he took my balls in his hand, adding to the amazing sensations I was already feeling from his mouth working on me, loving me, and then I felt something new as he pressed his finger against that place just underneath them, the tender skin that’s there, and I groaned my appreciation. My hips bucked up slightly when I felt him touch me there and he looked up at me, worried he had gone too far perhaps, but it was just the opposite, I wanted more. I wanted him to touch every part of me, to fully explore my body and just let me keep feeling like I did right now.

“Sorry,” he whispered, thinking he had done something wrong.

“No Jess, it’s good… so amazing,” I managed to say, my words more of an expression of the physical sensations I was feeling. “Don’t stop, please,” I reassured him.

“You’re sure? You’re okay with this?”

I nodded, suddenly afraid to ask for more, but wanting it more than anything. His lips on me, his hands exploring, his fingers touching me, sometimes gently, other times more roughly, every sensation meant to connect us on a level that no one else could achieve. He seemed hesitant, unsure that I meant it, that I wanted this.

“Please Jess, I want you more than anything,” I admitted, my cheeks flushing hot with my admission, but that was all he needed to hear.

He kissed me again, passion motivating him to love me the way I wanted to be loved, and I let him. His lips moved down my chin and then further down my neck, across my chest, one nipple and then the other, and I was clutching the sheets between my fingers. He stroked my dick in time with his tongue as it flicked over my chest gently before he moved further down and then I felt his lips placing gentle kisses on my inner thighs. His tentative movements were thrilling me, and then I felt his tongue as he licked all the way up my hard shaft, circling around the head and then down again before his tongue moved still further down and fluttered across my balls as they hugged my body.

My body was reacting on its’ own, my back arching up off the bed slightly, my legs spreading apart more, inviting him to go further, before he took me in his mouth again. The heat from his mouth felt like heaven, eliciting a moan that I know he must have heard, and I was lost in the sensations his tongue provided me each time it would swirl around the tip before hugging my dick on the way down again, applying a pressure between itself and the roof of his mouth. He pressed against that spot again, and again, becoming braver and I lifted my knees a little as he explored my body.

His fingers moved freely now, stroking here, pressing there, and then, almost like a tickle, but something so much more tempting, pleasing, I felt his finger circling my hole, tracing it, and I gasped out loud. It was repetitive, enticing, as he continued to explore, listening to me breathe. I knew this was going to end soon if I didn’t stop him though, and I wasn’t ready for that to happen, not yet.

“Jess,” I said as I gently lifted his head off me. He seemed confused that I was stopping him, but not at all upset.

“Are you okay?” he asked quietly.

“So much better than okay,” I said openly. “But…”

“But what?” he asked me, wanting this to be right for me.

I didn’t really know how to say what I wanted to say and I ran my fingers through my hair out of habit. “I guess Bobby and I sort of had the same idea,” I admitted. It took him a minute to figure out what I meant, but once his mind caught up to where mine was, he smiled. “I want you to make love to me Jesse.”

“You do? You’re totally sure?” he asked, needing to be sure I was certain, that I was ready.

“Yeah, more than anything, I do,” I told him and he nodded.

“Good, cause I have wanted to make love to you for a long time now,” he admitted as he kissed me.

“Look in my bag,” I suggested, earning me another confused look, but he did as he was told. It seemed like he was surprised to find the bottle of lube I had bought laying on top, but he grabbed it and was back with me in the bed quickly. There was a slight awkwardness in the room all of a sudden, but I didn’t want this to be awkward, I wanted it to be perfect, right.

“Jess, come here,” I said. “Come be with me. It’ll happen when the time is right.”

An inspiring look of relief crossed his face and I smiled at him, assuring him that it would all work out just how it was supposed to, and it did too because I kissed him and then I pulled his lean body down over my own and held him close to me. I wondered if he knew that I had been imagining this moment for a long time, if he knew I wanted to feel him inside me, connecting with me, since almost our very first kiss.

I had been imagining what it would be like to give myself to him in that very special way, what it would feel like to lie beneath him and watch his face as he made love to me. I think Jesse appreciated the fact that there was no pressure, no limitations on our time, we had the whole night and the whole place to ourselves and this was our time to be together. I was scared, not of Jesse, not that it would hurt, but I didn’t want to mess this up.

“Do you know what you want to do?” he asked me, and I did.

“I want to see you when we do this, I need to be able to see your face,” I told him.

Apparently that was a good answer because the look of love mixed with desire I saw in his eyes felt like it matched the same one I was feeling. Jesse kissed me and, for the third time that night, his lips traveled down my bare chest, across the muscles in my stomach, to the place where my erection waited for him. I felt the warmth of his mouth surrounding my cock, but only for just a minute and then he took the bottle of lube and squeezed some onto his finger.

I had never had anything up there before so I wasn’t sure exactly what to expect, but then I felt him just gently tracing my hole again. It was an amazing sensation, and soon my body was asking for more, he could tell, and I felt his finger slide inside me. There was no pain, but it was something new, a new feeling, and I felt his finger as it moved around slowly, pressing around inside me, trying to loosen me a little before he pulled his finger out again. He squeezed some more lube onto his fingers and then, with two fingers he entered me again. I felt an immediate pressure this time, but still no pain as he slowly pushed his fingers forward. I could feel him spreading them open inside me, trying to get me ready for him, and it was such an intimate feeling.

He would pull his fingers most of the way out and then gently press them back in again, stretching me, and when I felt like I wanted more I told him I was ready, ready for him to make love to me. He slowly pulled his fingers out of me and then lubed up his own cock, which up until now I hadn’t noticed was looking like it was aching, waiting for its’ own release.

“If it hurts just tell me and we’ll stop, okay?” he reassured me.

I nodded and then reached down and grabbed his cock and put the tip of it against me, and then looked up at Jesse and let go of it. I wanted him in me now, and he pressed gently forward at first, gradually adding a little more pressure until he slipped inside me and I winced from the sharp pain that I felt. Immediately he stopped and looked at me, a worried expression on his face.

“Just… go slow okay?” I asked him.

He pressed forward some more and the sharp pain I had felt in the beginning was fading and now it was more of a dull ache as I got used to having something inside me. Jesse was looking at me with concern and when I was ready I told him and he pressed in further, until he was fully inside me. After a minute, he pulled about half way out and I told him I was okay so he slowly pushed all the way back into me.

There was no pain this time, just a very full feeling, but I was watching Jesse’s face as he decided I really was okay and pulled out again, further this time, before he pushed in again, this time with a little more force. On the way back in he brushed against my prostate and I felt something I had never felt before, it was amazing, like ecstasy, better than any feeling I could have ever imagined and I stopped breathing at that moment as my body took over and I involuntarily pushed myself back against him.

I looked up at Jesse, and he looked surprised that I had done that, and to be honest I was a little surprised too, but it felt so good and I wanted him inside me. He pulled back again and then pressed forward, slowly developing a rhythm, learning from my reactions what made me feel good, and on almost every inward thrust he would brush against my prostate and I could feel myself approaching the edge and I was amazed because I hadn’t even touched myself, but I could feel it coming.

All the fear and anticipation I had felt before was gone and it had been replaced by this intimate and amazing connection. Jesse was moving faster now and I was pushing myself back against him each time, loving the way he felt inside me, and then I came, harder than I ever had before. I was breathless and I saw Jesse’s face, I watched him as he came inside me. I could feel it happening, and it was ecstasy, our bodies loving each other, nothing had ever felt like this had. Jesse leaned down and kissed me, a long slow kiss, one full of love and passion and trust, and we stayed that way until he finally slipped out of me and we fell asleep like that, in each other’s arms.

When I finally woke up hours later, it was probably from a combination of my bladder and the absence of Jesse’s warm body next to me. I wondered where he was, but I soon decided that I would have to wait until after I went to the bathroom to figure that out. I noticed I was a little… tender back there as I got out of bed and walked to the bathroom, but it was a good kind of ache, a constant little reminder of the night before, and I smiled to myself.

I found Jesse in the kitchen trying to make some breakfast for us, which was so sweet, and after a minute or two of blushing and smiling I hugged him.

“I love you Jess,” I told him, and I did too, with everything in me.

“I love you too, now go sit down. It’s your birthday and I’m making you breakfast,” he insisted, laughing.

“Okay, I guess I’m gonna go call my dad and check in with him,” I said and he nodded, fully immersed in flipping the bacon he was frying. “I’ll be right back.”

I went back up to Jesse’s room and found my cell phone and sat down on the bed. I blushed again remembering what had happened in this very bed, just hours ago, and I was genuinely happy. I dialed the phone smiling and listened to it ring.

“Hello?”

“Hi Dad,” I answered.

“Hey Stephen, how’d it go? You sound like you had fun last night,” he suggested hearing my happy tone.

“Yeah it was cool. I just wanted to call and check in. We’re gonna eat right now and then we’ll clean up and pack up and head home,” I told him.

“Alright Son, thanks for calling, I’m glad you had a good time and… Happy Birthday,” he said and I hung up and went in search of my breakfast. I was starving and I was pretty sure my hot boyfriend was with it so, what better way to start my birthday?

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