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Authors note: This chapter was written partly in collaboration with my sweetie… Thanks for everything.

From Behind Those Eyes - Chapter 3

The warm sun was shining down on us as we ran our laps around the baseball field. It was the same routine every practice, down the first base line, across the outfield, and then up the third base line, across home, and then do that ten times. I didn’t really mind the running, it gave me a chance to clear my head a bit, and I didn’t run much else during practice since I pitched.

Bobby and I usually stuck together when we ran, even though we didn’t say much, but as the seniors on the team, we were sort of the leaders of the pack. The other younger guys all thought they wanted to be just like us, but if they only knew what that meant, they probably would rethink that choice seriously, at least when it came to me.

We had been running steadily and were about half way through lap eight when I heard Coach yelling, “Cooper, get over here!” I looked over at him, wondering what I had done now, and then I saw Jesse standing there with Coach, smiling like always. Utter panic and sheer excitement pretty much explain the state my emotions were in as they battled, each one struggling to come to the forefront, leaving my face expressionless as I made my way over to where they were waiting.

Jesse’s face had taken on a look of caution when he saw me, being unable to read me and wondering what I was thinking. I ran up to them, breathless from my earlier exertion, and said, “What’s up Coach?” He was watching the rest of the guys finish up their run as he said, “Mr. Green here says he is supposed to interview you for the school paper.”

“Uh, okay. What happened to Sean?” I asked feeling more than a bit confused. Coach chose that moment to walk off and deal with some of the players who had started rough housing out in the field.

“I didn’t know you worked on the paper,” I told him as I started toward the locker room intending to get out of my sweaty clothes. He followed me saying, “Well yeah, actually I’m the editor. Sean called me and said that he couldn’t make it and asked me to fill in for him.”

We had made our way into the locker room and we were standing by my locker when it dawned on me that whenever Sean mentioned his editor he always called him ‘Green’. I guess that made logical sense to me, although, I was surprised at myself for not figuring it out sooner.

We stood there in silence for a moment, until I pulled off my shirt, and then the only sound heard was Jesse’s intake of breath. When I looked up, after hearing his gasp, I saw him looking at me. Not just looking at me, but it was more like he was committing the sight of me to some private part of his memory.
I think I was a bit self-conscious as I watched his face flush with color and I realized that I had just, in essence, invited him to watch me change clothes. It’s not like I was some scrawny guy, I mean I had to work out for baseball, and my arms, shoulders, and chest were pretty solid from all the years of throwing I had done. He seemed to like the fact that I was standing there, in front of him, shirtless and so I decided to be bold and continue on with the task of changing.

I tried to keep some semblance of a conversation going as I changed back into the clothes I had worn earlier. He finally got back to the reason he was here, the interview, and asked me, “So where do you want to do this?” I was thinking about that, trying to come up with some plan, some place where we could go that would be quiet and private.

Sitting on the bench in the locker room, I tied my shoes and stood up. I shoved my wallet into my pocket and grabbed my keys and cell phone. I was about to suggest maybe going to the park when my phone rang. It was my Dad, and he was calling to tell me that he had been called back to work on an emergency and that I would be on my own for dinner, maybe for the whole night, he just didn’t know for sure.

He followed me out to the parking lot, talking about some random thing, when I decided to be brave, proactive. I stopped abruptly and he almost ran into me. I turned to him and said, “Jess, how about we go to my house? My Dad is gone so we can eat some dinner and then do the interview. Sound good?”

He looked at me, just for a moment, and then said, “Yeah, that would be cool,” and then continued through the parking lot to my truck. This time I followed him and took the opportunity to look at him as he walked, admiring his long, lean body. He was perfect to me, like he was made to fit in my arms, and I was beginning to want him there all the time.

We got into my truck and I drove us to my house. I had offered him my phone, suggesting he call his parents, and he appreciatively accepted my offer doing just that. We arrived at my house and I let us in the door motioning toward the kitchen so we could make some sandwiches for dinner.

As we stood side by side in the kitchen, making a small meal, I asked him to pass me a knife, and as he placed it in my hand I felt the electricity as we connected again for just a moment before he pulled his hand away. He asked me where we kept the plates and I pointed to the cupboard behind me and then went back to making our sandwiches.

He came up behind me and reaching around me he set the plates on the counter next to me. I turned around to thank him and his arms were on each side of me pinning me to the counter. I felt that connection that we shared so strongly as he looked into my eyes with a heat that was unmistakable and I returned his longing gaze, wishing he would kiss me again but not being brave enough to do it myself. I could feel my heart beating with anticipation and excitement as we stood there, so close to each other, before he said, “All done then,” and walked toward the table to sit down.

I caught my breath, the excitement becoming almost too much, and followed him carrying the plates of food I had just made. We sat across from each other at the large dinner table and ate. We didn’t say much throughout the meal, at least verbally, but we did have a way of communicating with each other. Our eyes spoke volumes, and as our legs were rubbing against one another under the table, the intensity of the realization that we were here alone grew larger by the minute.

When we finished eating, I took him upstairs with me to my room. I left him to have a look around while I took a shower to wash away the only thing that remained from my practice that afternoon.

My room, like his, was that of a teenage boy. My king sized bed, the one my Dad bought me when he realized I was going to be a pretty tall guy, sat in the middle of the wall covered by a forest green comforter. Next to it sat two night stands, one on each side. I had a big padded chair that sat by the doorway and a desk with my computer on it.

Hanging on the walls I had some pictures of my mom and I had a shelf with my baseball trophies on it. I have played since I was a kid so I had quite a collection by now. I walked in from the shower, just a towel around my waist to find him looking at some pictures of me on my little league teams. Smiling, I walked up behind him and looked over his shoulder saying, “Cute kid huh?”

He inhaled the scent of me, clean and fresh, as I leaned over him and he melted into me, leaning into my body. He caught me off guard a bit doing that, and I wasn’t really sure what to do, as I was reminded suddenly that I wasn’t wearing much. This was all new to me, being here with him, and unsure of what it was he wanted from me.

With that realization I moved to my dresser to find some clothes to put on. He sighed and turned around to face me saying, “Sorry, I guess I shouldn’t have done that. Let’s just get the interview done and then I’ll go okay.” He made a move to sit on my bed as I pulled on some shorts. I sat next to him and sighed saying, “Look Jess, it’s just that all this is new to me, and sometimes I don’t really know what to do, but I do know that I don’t want you to go okay,” hoping that he knew I meant it.

He looked over at me and then smiled, bumping my shoulder with his, and said, “Alright, so tell me Mr. Cooper, how many years have you been playing baseball?” apparently beginning the interview, with a sparkle in his eye that I had not seen before. I wondered silently if I looked like that when I was drawing as I answered his questions.

At some point during the interview I had laid back on the bed and after about twenty minutes of discussing my baseball career thus far, my hobbies, and the upcoming season, he said, “Well, I guess that’s all the questions I have for now. Sean can always ask you any follow-up questions when he sees you I guess.”

“Okay, but can I ask you a question now?” I asked him very doubtful that I would actually be able to get it out without sounding totally inexperienced. His back was to me writing something down, notes I guessed, as he nodded his consent to me. I wanted his undivided attention for this, so I pulled him down next to me by his shirt. I guess that got his attention because he looked over at me.

Lying next to me on my bed, his head on my pillow, he looked amazing as he smiled at me with his curious eyes studying mine as if he was looking for clues, wondering what I was doing. His blond strands had fallen on my pillow and were resting on his forehead. As I turned onto my side to get a better look at him I finally got the courage to ask him, “So what are we doing here? I mean with each other,” I sighed, continuing, “Okay, that wasn’t how I planned to say this exactly, I …”

I was interrupted as his mouth suddenly covered mine, his arms reaching out to pull my body down over his. His soft lips pressing firmly against mine as his hands were exploring the muscles in my back. He sucked on my bottom lip and I got lost in the passion of being so close to him. He rolled us both over together claiming the top position as my arms circled his body. Feeling the closeness we shared, I was lost in his kiss and all my worries and fears escaped me as I let myself melt into him.

My hands were on his back, underneath his shirt, feeling the way his muscles would tense up and then relax again, as he broke our kiss. My eyes remained closed in anticipation, expecting the feel of his lips on mine again, when I felt them instead, land on my neck as he began to kiss and suck the tender and sensitive skin I had there.

My head instinctively moving back to make more of my neck available to his insatiable mouth, I felt his kisses travel along my collar bone until he came to my throat. Dragging his tongue upward toward my chin, my fingers clenched in his skin, and I was sure he had heard the slight moan that escaped as my breath caught in my throat.

His tongue finally arriving at my chin, he placed tiny kisses there before his mouth met mine again in another mind blowing kiss. He pulled away finally and rolled over landing beside me, my arm caught underneath him as we lay there waiting as our breathing to return to normal.

I wondered if he felt the loss, the loneliness, each time our kiss ended like I did, and I looked over at him trying to figure out why he had stopped. When he had finally caught his breath, his eyes met mine and he said, “Are you okay with this? I probably shouldn’t have let myself get so carried away.”

He looked worried, like I was in a fragile state, my sense of self about to shatter. All I could do was nod in response to his question, and when he spoke again he said gently, “Maybe I shouldn’t have let it go that far, I mean I know this is all new to you, but I just couldn’t help it.” He had rolled over now resting his head on my bare chest, his fine hair tickled as it fell on my skin. He continued saying softly, “I mean you’re just so hot…,” he trailed off and I smiled. He didn’t see that smile though since he had his face buried in my neck again.

Each breath he took caused me to quiver in anticipation. Inhaling my scent and then as he would exhale, his hot breath cascading down my neck. I tried to get my voice to work, still needing an answer to my question. My thoughts and my body at war with each other, I finally managed to speak saying, “Fuck Jess, that was amazing.”

I heard him sigh, absolutely content to be laying in my arms, as his fingertips gently traced the outline of the muscles in my stomach. I continued by saying, “So what are we doing here? Like you said before, this is all new to me,” I reminded him as I wondered what his reply would be. I really hoped that he didn’t think that I was being pushy, but I needed to know where we stood, if there even was a ‘we’.

He seemed to be looking for the right words to say to me when he finally pushed himself up to a sitting position. Looking down at me, I saw some lingering doubt, some worry in his eyes. He had started to say something several times and then stopped himself each time when I finally sat up across from him.

Reaching across to where he was sitting, my hand gently landed on his thigh, and I said, “Jess, just tell me where we stand with each other. I need to know.” I was gently squeezing now, massaging his leg when he grabbed my hand, lacing his fingers through mine and laughed, asking, “How do you expect me to think clearly with you doing that?”

Blushing I replied, “I’m not the only hot one around here, you know,” sure that he would understand what I meant by that. He was rubbing my palm with his thumb, as our hands were linked together, making me lost with the sensation that he was creating. He looked up at me and said, with the most genuine voice, “Look Stephen, I’m sure you know by now how much I really like you. I mean, cause I do, like you that is, so much. I just want to be sure you are okay with this whole thing.”

I was looking deeply into his blue eyes, feeling his sincerity, and he continued saying, “I’ll do whatever you want, I know that you aren’t ready to be out yet, so I want to make sure that you’re comfortable no matter what happens between us.”
He was right about that, I wasn’t ready for anyone to know yet. I still couldn’t believe that I had even told him, but I was so glad that I did. He seemed to have this ability to make me powerless around him, like I couldn’t really control my self. I was vulnerable, exposed, around him.

I thought some more about all he had said, he seemed to want to protect me, to keep my secret safe until I was ready to tell it myself. That meant so much to me, almost like he was willing to put his own happiness aside to preserve mine.

I imagined us at school together, and it didn’t seem to make sense to me, we had never been in the same group of friends before. It would be hard to be there together. Besides I could barely keep my hands off him, and the way we looked at each other, like we had a need to be close to one another, that would totally give us away.

I thought there would be no better way to out myself at school. To have everyone see me with him, to see first hand the looks we shared and feel the connection we had. Even still, I didn’t care so much about all that now. I was with Jesse, and he was telling me he really liked me and wanted me, that he would do whatever I wanted, and that meant something. It meant everything to me at that moment.

It would be a huge sacrifice to him, to us both really, to be unable to see each other or talk to each other or touch each other but to be so close at the same time. I had another thought forming in the back of my mind, as I sat there thinking all of these other thoughts and it finally came to the surface. I wanted him in my life on a permanent basis, more than that I needed him in my life, to be a part of my daily existence.

It was with that realization that I unexpectedly had the courage to say, “Whatever happens, all I know is that I want it to happen with you. I know it will be hard and unfair to us both, but I’ll do whatever I have to so I can say that I’m yours and you’re mine.” I took a deep breath, trying to calm myself down after making that admission to him and I watched his face as the most beautiful smile appeared before he leaned forward and I gathered him into my strong embrace.

I held him there against my uncovered chest as he clung to me in a way that told me he would never let go if given the opportunity. I was in a place as close to pure bliss as I had ever been here like this with him in my arms. I leaned back against the wooden headboard of my bed and he nestled in deeper, getting as close to me as possible.

We laid there together for a while, in the comfort of each other’s arms, each feeling the closeness and togetherness. I wondered silently, how I could have denied myself this for so long. Eventually he sat up, and I immediately longed to have him close to me, pressed up against my body again. I tried to pull him back to me but he just smiled at me and stood up saying, “Come on boyfriend, you better take me home now, before I’m never allowed to come back.” Oh my God! I had a boyfriend! Hot Jesse Green was MY boyfriend, wow!

Hearing those words come from his mouth, I smiled, like the smile of a child on Christmas Day who has just gotten the thing he had been wishing for all year. I stood up and made my way to my closet and grabbed a shirt to put on before turning to him and saying, “I guess we better get this over with, it’s not gonna get any easier to be away from you if we wait.”

I grabbed my wallet, keys, and phone and started to head for the door when he grabbed me by the wrist, stopping me. I turned to see what was going on and again he pulled me into another indescribable kiss. His mouth eager to be one with mine, his lips pressing firmly against mine, I responded this time with no question in my mind.

His arms around me, holding me close, pressing my body firmly to his as we stood there just inside my bedroom door. My arms had wrapped around him and I let my hands wander across his back and down, coming to rest on his hips, afraid to move them further. Our kiss forcing me into that place again, where I lose all conscious thought.

The feeling we shared as we connected again made it become clear to me, if I wasn’t certain already, that this was where I wanted to be. Here, in his arms, though his strength was different than mine, it was where I belonged. He finally pulled away, and I moaned my objection to the loss of his mouth on mine before I laid my head on his shoulder, inhaling his masculine scent. He laughed quietly hearing my objection and then said, “C’mon, let’s go.”

He led the way, pulling me by the hand, all the way to the front door. Just before opening it he said, “I just wanted a kiss goodnight before we get to my house,” and then walked out to my truck. I followed him after locking the front door and opened his door for him. I went around and climbed in, starting the engine and putting on my seatbelt. I looked over at him to find him smiling as he studied my every movement.

I blushed, feeling like I was on display, and then pulled away from the curb. I could feel his eyes on me, watching me, as I drove. I had to keep my eyes on the road though, and I eventually felt his hand on mine as he intertwined our fingers placing the union of our two hands between us on the seat. I looked over at him to find him smiling, as if this was our little secret, and I grinned at him in return.

When we arrived at his house and I shut off the engine, we sat in silence for a moment before he spoke. Hearing his soft voice, I looked over at him as he said, “So I guess I’ll see you at school tomorrow,” sounding hopeful. I sighed and nodded my reply, hopefully not looking as unsure as I suddenly felt. He squeezed my hand that he still held in his and I looked over at him, our eyes meeting, and he smiled, reassuring me before he climbed out and I drove away.

The ride home was a lonely one, but it gave me time to remember the evening that we had just spent together and to think of how much had changed in the last few days. This time last week I never would have expected to meet someone who could captivate my every thought like Jesse could. That’s what he had done, every thought I had included Jesse.

Dad still wasn’t home when I got back from taking Jesse home so I decided that I would just see him in the morning. I climbed the stairs, making my way to my bedroom where I got undressed and climbed into bed, sinking down into the softness. It had been a long emotional day for me, but as I lay there in my bed, I could still smell him on my pillow and I ran my hand over the place he’d had his head on, wishing that he was still with me.

I think I had a permanent smile on my face. I lay there, the room silent, thinking, all kinds of crazy thoughts. I had a boyfriend, what would people think of that? I could see the looks and hear the whispers already. What would Jesse say to me tomorrow? Only an hour ago he had told me that he was willing to hide so I wouldn’t have to come out. I knew how hard I was making this on him.

Jesse was out. If he could find himself a boyfriend who was out too his life would be so much easier. Yet he’d chosen to be with me and I couldn’t really understand why. I decided I wasn’t helping my self thinking like this. I didn’t know what possibilities tomorrow held, I didn’t know how we would react to seeing each other and not being able to be close, but I did know that he was mine now, my boyfriend, and I was his.

I slept naked, it was more comfortable that way, and since it was just Dad and me I didn’t have to worry about anyone seeing something they shouldn’t. I closed my eyes. His scent was intoxicating and it brought back the memories of earlier that evening. I thought of the kisses we had just shared, his perfect face connecting with mine, his tongue pushing against my lips for entry.

Remembering the feel of his lips on mine, his hot breath on my neck, I instinctively reached down, running my hand through the soft patch of hair, until I reached my hard cock, waiting for its’ relief. I gasped as I wrapped my hand around it, picturing Jesse’s face in my mind. Grasping my cock I started to stroke slowly. I imagined Jesse kissing me softly. I could feel his hands gliding over my back, the pressure of his tongue pressing against my lips. Speeding up a little, I imagined him pushing me down on the bed, sitting over me as he used his hands to explore my chest and stomach, my free hand roaming over my body as if it were his.

I was sweating as I started to pump faster. The only image in my head was Jesse sitting over me, his hands caressing my skin. With my eyes closed I could feel his soft fingers pressing against the hard muscles on my chest. I was breathing fast, my heart beating like crazy. It had never been like this before. My cock was painfully hard remembering Jesse.

I stroked as fast as I could, my mind screaming Jesse’s name. I could feel my balls tightening. I knew I was close, I wanted this so much. I wanted to cum for him. My fingers were slick with pre cum as they slid over the head of my cock, the sensation sending electric shocks through my groin.

I was so close. I knew it wouldn’t be much longer, I could feel myself on the edge. My balls pulled up and cum fired from me with incredible force. I felt like my heart had stopped beating for that second as I came. My whole body shook with the intensity of my orgasm. Cum rested in a line all the way down my chest to my now spent cock, which was now recovering from its overwhelming experience.

Still breathing heavily, I lay back on my bed and relaxed. Closing my eyes again the only image I could see was Jesse. His angelic face looking over me as I rested. I’d only really met this boy for the first time a few days ago. He had so totally captivated me in such a short period of time, I wondered if my life would ever be the same again?

I must have drifted off to sleep at some point, and when I woke with my morning hard-on, I smiled remembering the previous nights’ happenings. I lingered in my bed for a moment before forcing myself to get up and start the day, heading to the bathroom to shower.

Standing under the warm spray, washing away the evidence from the greatest orgasm I had ever had, I felt renewed and excited. I wondered if I looked different, would everyone be able to tell that I was a gay guy with a boyfriend? Would they know that I had just experienced a feeling the night before that I couldn’t compare to any other?

I felt like I was floating, like nothing could make me have a bad day, and I loved that feeling. I hadn’t felt like this since I could remember and I think the evidence of that was the huge smile that had taken up a permanent residence on my face. I busied myself getting dressed and ready for my first day as Jesse’s boyfriend, I just couldn’t get over that fact, and I didn’t want to either.

Jules showed up that morning, and as usual looked amazing, ready to start another day. When she walked in to my room, I even went over and hugged her saying, “Long time, no see Jules.” She giggled and replied, “I know, I’ve missed you.” Her green eyes shined this morning and she had a contented smile on her face as well.

We headed off to school for another day of learning, but it was more than that for me. I hadn’t realized the amount of anxiety I would have until I pulled into the school parking lot. With my truck in the safety of my usual parking space, I sat for a minute, looking at Bobby, Sean, and Jules, but not really seeing much.

Something caught my eye though, or I should say someone, some hot, blond guy who seriously resembled my hot, blond boyfriend. It was Jesse, I didn’t normally see him before school and I wondered if he had made a point to be here so I could see him before school.

His eyes caught mine as he slowly walked by, and since I was sitting alone in my truck, no one heard me as I released the huge breath that I had been holding in, wondering what this day would bring for us and how we would handle it. He winked at me, smiling that infectious smile of his, which caused me to smile and I got out of the truck ready to start my day.

I walked around the truck to where my friends were waiting, and said, “Hey guys, what’s up?” I think that the odd looks I was getting were a reaction to my smile. I have to admit that I usually wasn’t the friendliest guy in the morning, so I guess me being all cheery and smiling was a big change for them.

We walked into school and after dropping Jules at her first class. I made my way to the office again to take care of my responsibilities. I couldn’t help it, I just kept smiling, and it felt great to have something that I could be so happy about.

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