Date: Sun, 28 Jul 2002 11:08:48 -0400 (EDT)
From:  <_lapis1@excite.com>
Subject: From hate to love: Chapter 3

Part 5 True feeling deep down inside


Beach was definitely a good place to have fun. Once, we arrived, our mums
jumped into the sea. Dad suggested we rent a boat and went diving. Dan's
eyes sparked and surly he loved the idea. I told Dad that I would stay and
take care of Tommy. Dad agreed, he knew very well that I was not a good
swimmer. Dan seemed don't like my idea. When Uncle Rich and Dad went to the
boat registry, he questioned me,

"You sure don't want to join us? Tommy will be fine on his own."

"Yeah! I am not into diving." I said.

"Look...may be I stay with you then, I don't want to leave you alone"

"Oh dear, I am not alone, Tommy will be my company." I bent and ruffled
Tommy's hair. The kid looked up and gave me his innocent smile.

"See!" I raised my eyebrows. "Go with dad and have fun."

There were still uncertainty and doubts on Dan's face and obviously he
didn't buy the idea that I enjoyed staying with Tommy, which was not true.

"Okay! Before I go, shall I get you something to eat or drink."

Geez, my boyfriend felt guilty leaving me behind and he was now trying to
make me up. What a silly thought it was! Even though it was not necessary,
to make feel better, I made my request, "What about an ice- cream for
Tommy?"

"Ok! What about you?" he asked.

"Hm..." I was trying to tease him, testing how patient he could be.

"Come on Jim, I get to do something for you."

"Well! Find me something under the sea."

"K! Like what? Oyster?" We both laughed.

"Anything you think it's suitable."

He nodded then he leaned forward. I was not sure was he trying to kiss me
in the public but anyway, we very interrupted by dad.

"Hey Dan, we get a boat, let's go." Dad shouted somewhere far away.

Dan waved, turned back and said, "I will be right back."

"Have fun." I smiled.

Dan patted my butt, grasped his stuff and gone.

Phew!!! I saw Dan run until he was out of my sight. He probably would not
return until sunset. Then I felt a small hand gently pull my shorts, its
Tommy. I kneeled and asked, "Do you want to swim, sun-bath or we can go to
the store over there and get something to eat."

"Sand castle" Tommy whispered and rubbed his nose.

"Ok my little one, sand castle." I took his small hand, didn't want him to
rub his nose and we headed back to the car to get his tools.

I was sitting on the beach with my legs opened wide. Tommy was sitting in
front of me, between my legs and occasionally he will lean against my
stomach. He tried very hard to make his ideal sand castle, which I felt
like a pyramid.

I was a bit bored. I grasped a grain of sand and let it slipped through my
fingers. It felt like silk fabric running through my fingers. I repeated
doing that meanwhile I was lost into my thoughts. I knew that I was good to
read thru one's mind, when I spoke with someone, I look straight into their
eyes and the eye contact would let me know how one thought about
me. Probably it's an innate ability and the ability helped me to survive,
to get out of trouble and to avoid being hurt. However, it seemed that I
lost my ability when I was with Dan. I was not able to tell his thought,
did I do something bad that he didn't like. Was I passed to be his love? I
didn't know. Honestly, I was a bit anxious and insecure as I had to show
him the real me, and I wondered was the REAL me met his expectation.

You may be confused. Okay! Let me make it concrete and crystal clear. Last
night, when Dan confessed, I didn't tell him I loved him, I was even too
shy to say I was very much fond of him. Did I make him disappointed? I
DIDN"T know. This morning, when he touched me, I didn't return the
favor. Did he recognize? Sure he did. Did he ask? No, he didn't. Did I
upset him? I DIDN'T know.

Deep down inside, I knew my feeling was more than fond of, especially I
found we have a lot in common. The problem was that I was not willing to
open up my heart. I was afraid that once I confessed, he would love me
less. He would no longer treat me like how he treated me now.... But WAIT!
If I don't try, I wouldn't find out. Give him a chance... Well! Or give
MYSELF a chance. Told him... okay! If you couldn't say the three words, at
least did something to show him.

My thought was stopped by a loud, sad cry. "Oh MY!... honey, what's wrong?"
Tommy was crying hard, he was slurring something I couldn't
understand. There was a little girl wearing her baby bikini stood
nearby. She walked towards us, picked up her ball and gave it to Tommy
meanwhile I saw a half collapsed Pyramid. Now I knew what's going wrong?
Kids did have their ways to draw the peers' attention. But my silly little
one was still crying hard, rubbing his eyes and let an adorable cute girl
waited. I took her ball and said, "I will give it to him." Then the girl
walked away.

I held Tommy into my arms, patted his back and swung him until he calmed
down. "Feel better now?" I asked but he didn't answer. Then I took his left
hand, open his palm and started blowing bubbles on it. He giggled, tossed
then laughed. Making sure his sadness faded away, I let him go, passed him
the ball and told him to return it. Very much out of my expectation, the
kid didn't protest. In fact he came back in a minute and asked,

"Jim! She asked me to play with..."

"Who's she?" It's a familiar man's voice. It's my man. I looked up and saw
Dan standing behind.

"You are wet." I said.

"Yeah! Don't you have fun with the kid." He asked.

"Yes and you still owe him an ice-cream."

"Here's what I owe you." Dan was holding something balled up in his fist
and stood in front of me.

I was very excited that my eyes sparked, I jumped up and eagerly waiting
him to open his palm.

"The first surprise babe." He whispered into my ear and opened his palm.

"Oh my god!" I shouted. Dan immediately covered my mouth, afraid that we
might disturb the others. It was a crystal key chain with my name on it. Of
course he didn't pick him from the sea but knowing that he prepared a gift
for me before the trip was touching. "I bought it when I knew we will
travel together. Like it?" He asked.

I couldn't say anything, I was trying hard to hold back the tears, my
breath became unsteady. I turned my back on him, wishing that he wouldn't
see my reaction.

"Well... I take it as yes." Dan said.

He was such a nice person. His understanding urged my guts. I uttered,

"I...I...Lo..ve...it, ...thx babe." I blushed quite red. Couldn't you
believe I just called him babe?!

No longer, Uncle Rich and Dad returned, then the toasted mums and Tommy was
the last one. When we were on our way back home, half of us fell asleep,
included Dan but I was wide awoke, admiring my key chain.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

I hope you enjoy reading the story as much as I enjoy writing it.

Criticism , comments and suggestions are welcome. Please send to
_lapis1@excite.com , plus a title: From hate to love

Thank you for those who sent me emails. I cherish all your comments.

I am too lazy to make a mind map, sometimes ideas pop up and I will be
lost.

See you,

Steve