Date: Tue, 22 Aug 2023 00:36:49 +0200
From: Ryan White <liciousryan@gmail.com>
Subject: Geek and Guilty

GEEK AND GUILTY

CHAPTER ONE



God fearing high school jock Connor Harper thought he had it all. He was
handsome, he got decent grades in school, he had a good life and he had a
beautiful girlfriend. If you would take a look at Connor, even if not
knowing him, you would see that he was full of life, energy, full of
sparkle and he always made time for his friends.

Sounds boring, right?

Well, that was what Connor Harper for you...and how he carried himself out
to the outside world. He didn't care what others thought about him. His
parents were both lawyers who were partners in their firm, so there was
never a danger of them running out of money. That didn't count at all with
Connor. He used to volunteer his services at Youth Centres, Old Age homes
etc, everywhere where he possibly could lend a hand if he had the
time. Sport and exams kept him busy most of the times, not to mention that
he had to keep Kristen, his girlfriend, whom he loved with all his heart,
happy.

So yeah, life for Connor was smooth sailing until one particular day. It
was one of these moments which took the most unexpected twist that poor
Connor Harper ever could have thought.

He was about to meet someone who would literally shake his life apart.

On that very particular day Connor was just finishing up with his work at
the Youth Centre just before six on that Saturday evening. He felt a
vibration in his trousers and took out his cell phone. It was a call from
Kristen. They were meant to go on a date that evening.

"Hey Kris, I'll be finished just now..."

"Connor, wait, okay...look, I can't go anymore."

Connor frowned, clearly confused. Kristen was so looking forward to their
first date in weeks! She told him that just that morning!

"Dude, what part of I CAN'T GO ANYMORE don't you understand? Do I need to
spell it out for you? My uncle and his wife were killed in an accident
tonight!"

"WHAT?? How the hell did this happen?" Connor asked, shocked as hell. He
had met Kristen's Uncle Barney before and they had really hit it
off. Kristen used to show him pics of her uncle, his wife Aunt Elena and of
course their only son, Robbie. Kristen really sounded hysterical at that
point and time, and for obvious good reasons.

"Look, Connor I really can't talk right now. I'll call you tomorrow, okay?
I promise. We gotta go over there right away. Apparently Robbie was at home
and not in the car with my aunt and uncle, I'm still not totally sure what
went down and why he wasn't with them. We can't let him be alone at home
tonight. Please understand! I love you, okay?"

"Kristen, no worries at all, Hun! You tell your cousin I'm sorry to hear
what happened, yeah? I'll be sure to pray for him."

"I will, Connor. I love you...even more now after all of this. Take care,
okay? I'll see you when I get back!"

Connor just shook his head silently as he prayed for an answer as to why
this was happening to good and decent people such as Barney and Elena
Watson. Connor himself had never met Robbie, but he was told that the
latter was sixteen years old just like himself and Kristen. He could
understand Kristen's urgency, the two cousins were very close from birth as
they were only seven months apart from what Kristen had told him.

Connor continued to pray to God for advice and asking Him to give Kristen
and her family, especially Robbie, the strength to get through this.

It was only the following night that Connor once again received a call from
Kristen. He didn't want to call her before, since he was worried he would
be a bother. That was just the kind of person Connor was.

"Kris, I've been so worried, is everything okay?" he asked in one breath
when answering.

"Hey Connor, everything is fine. Uncle Barney and Aunt Elena's death has
shocked us all. Robbie is gonna stay with us for a while. Mom and Dad are
his godparents after all, so until another arrangement can be made...?"

"That's great that you guys are helping him. Geez Louise Kris, he must be
devastated."

"Yeah, he is, but...I've never seen him like this, Connor. He is totally
quiet, he doesn't wanna talk, eat or even sleep. He just lays on his bed
and stares at that ceiling. I don't know what to do."

"Give him time, Kris. I work with people that suffer trauma like that all
the time at the Youth Centre. Hey, I have an idea...if you want to; I'll
pop in tomorrow after school and try to talk to him?"

It was at times like these where Kristen was happy she was dating
Connor. Where another boy of age 16 would have tried his best to avoid
being in a room with a boy who was just orphaned, Connor was such a caring
guy, way beyond his years.

"Okay, I'm all for that, but listen to me Connor...be careful with him,
when do you talk to him...he really isn't doing all that well."


**

The next day at school, as usual, Connor was waiting for Kristen at her
locker, wanting to walk her to her first class. He felt a faint knock on
his shoulder, and he turned around, fully expecting to see
Kristen. Instead, it was the school slut, Cindy Silverman. Connor might
have been considered somewhat of a geek, but even Cindy could see that he
was a handsome, sexy type of geek.

The very same type that could very well satisfy her current taste for nerds
with rather big endowments down there...if the bulge between Connor's legs
had anything to do with it.

"Hey hot stuff, waiting for your little girlfriend?" she said with a sly
smile.

"As a matter of fact, yes," Connor said, taking his eyes away from
her. That was SO NOT the reaction that Cindy was used to from any of the
high school boys, totally nearly flipping him off, but she simply smiled
even more flirtatiously, reaching out and softly placing her hand directly
on top of his own.

"Come on, you sexy hunk...I bet that Kristen hasn't even touched that big
cock of yours..."

"CINDY! What the hell are you trying to do?" Connor asked, clearly freaked
out by the former. He started to break out in a cold sweat, he was very
uncomfortable.

Sex, or in fact any sexual contact before any sort of marriage or
commitment was HEAVILY punished by the Bible and by God Himself, and
knowing that each and every day it became more and more difficult to KEEP
it that way, because seemingly just BREATHING seemed to get his teenage
cock hard as steel, even though he had tried his level best to supress any
feelings of blaspheme.

"I'm trying to stop a hot guy from graduating Highschool a total fucking
virgin, holy shit, what are you, a man or a fucking faggot!" Cindy hissed
to him, frustrated at Connor. Usually, every boy in school that she had
approached couldn't wait to fuck her.

Well, she was about to find out that Connor Harper was that ONE exception
to her overall rules.

"Well please...go and look for another guy. I have a girlfriend. I'm not
interested in whatever you wanna do."

"For fuck's sake Connor! You don't know a good time, not even if I give it
to you on a silver fucking platter! You really must be a faggot if you're
not turned on by me!" Cindy screamed before she took off, leaving some
students that was standing around looking at Connor.

"Hey Jesus Freak, she's right, man. Only a gay guy cannot get turned on by
her," one of the boys said before walking on, breaking into laughter.

Clearly this little incident was going to travel the school before too
long. Connor sighed. Of course, he was tempted, but he promised himself
that he was not gonna have sex until he was married. He was probably one in
a thousand young teenage boys who chose that kind of life, but he didn't
care. This was the way he wanted to live his life, and how he had been
raised his whole life, and if others thought stuff about him because if, to
hell with them.

Probably straight where they would end up going anyway.

After the teachers had loaded the students with homework, the last school
bell rang for the day, and Connor was one of the first to leave the
building and jogged over to his car. Kristen wasn't at school that day and
he wanted to check up on her as soon as possible. He loved her with all his
young heart, so her pain was his pain. That was just the way it was. As he
drove into their driveway, he saw Kristen watering the plants and the
surrounding grass on their lawn. He quickly parked and got out to actually
meet her, giving her a gentle kiss on her temple as he did so.

Kristen smiled weakly and took both of his hands tightly within her own,
looking up to him with those big brown eyes which nearly made him go weak
in the knees at the mere sight of them.

"Boy, am I glad to see you here, Connor. I've tried everything I could
think of. Robbie just won't respond to anything I say or do. He just sits
there in his room and stares at the ceiling all day! He won't eat or
anything," Kristen sadly finished, her eyes full of unshed tears.

"I'll go and try and talk to him. We deal with these types of things all
the time at the Youth Centre, like I said, so hopefully I can comfort him
as best I can...maybe even say a prayer with him for his parents. You
finish up here, okay?" Connor said, kissing Kristen on her forehead before
walking across the tiled entrance into the house.

He knew by know where their guestroom was and quickly made his way
there. He dealt with boys and girls who had suffered losses such as Robbie
before. He had some idea what Robbie was going through at that moment. More
importantly, he wanted to try for Kristen's sake. He hated seeing her
unhappy.

Connor arrived at the room; the door was closed. He gently gave two knocks
before he turned the doorknob and entered. Inside he saw a teenage boy
lying on the bed, his hands behind his head. He was indeed staring up at
the ceiling but his eyes showed no signs of life. If not for the fact that
his stomach was moving slightly move and down with his breathing, Connor
might have thought he was dead.

He hesitated as he laid eyes on him. It was like something deep within his
very soul had suddenly awaked...be blinked his eyes a couple of times, and
tried to tell himself that it was because Robbie looked so much like his
cousin Kristen, that he for just a split second felt that...

No. That...that couldn't have been it. Not in a million years.

Yet, the boy was tall, slender, and he had deep blue eyes and spiky black
hair. He was wearing a red t-shirt and black jeans. There was a blue band
around his right wrist and he was wearing a silver cross around his
neck. Connor cleared his throat, and swallowed very, very slowly, before he
quietly walked over to the bed and sat on the edge of the mattress.

"Hey Robbie, I'm Connor. I'm Kristen's boyfriend. It's actually really
great to finally meet you, man. Kristen has been talking about you a whole
lot, even before...you know...the tragedy."

No reaction whatsoever.

"Look dude, I know we don't know each other from Adam, but I just really
wanna say that I'm really sorry about what happened to your parents. I
really..."

"Why?"

The question nearly frightened Connor, it came so unexpectantly. Kristen
clearly said that he hadn't said a word all day. That threw Connor off for
a moment, but he recovered quickly.

"Why what?"

"Why are you so sorry that my folks died. You didn't know them."

It was more a fact that a mere comment that was made. For the first time
since Connor entered the room, there was a fire in Robbie's eyes. And not
the friendliest kind either.

"Dude...Robbie, I'm really sorry if I upset you, I just wanted to..."

"Yeah I know what the fuck you wanted to do. Now before I fucking kick your
skunk ass, get the fuck out of my room! You come in here saying 'sorry' and
shit about my parents, you didn't even know them! Who the fucking hell do
you think you are? They fucking DIED! To hell with you and your fake
sympathy! Leave me the hell alone!"

Connor stood up and quickly left the room. He felt like Robbie might
seriously harm him if he didn't. He found Kristen in the kitchen pouring
themselves two huge glasses of ice-cold Coke.

"I heard him screaming all the way down here, Connor...what happened up
there?" she asked, her eyes as wide as saucers.

"I'm sorry, Hun. I dunno what I said wrong. I just said I'm sorry for his
parents' death and he lashed out. Your dad's gonna totally roast me, I
probably made things worse now."

"You tried and I love you for that. I see on Facebook that you had a little
fall out with Cindy? She posted a bunch of nonsense stating that the only
reason why you were still...you know...a virgin...was because I wasn't in
her words...putting out, and apparently you are homosexual on top of it
all...?"

Connor groaned out loud before he angrily grabbed his glass of Coke and
proceeded to gulp over half of it down in sheer record-breaking time.

"Gosh darn it, that it was why I pleaded with you NOT to get those social
media evils! Yeah she tried to convince me to stop being a virgin, coming
on to me in front of EVERYBODY looking and watching, with no self-respect
for herself or me...trying to convince me to cheat on you, with her of all
people. That girl must have had half of all the boys in the entire school
in her bedroom by now for real! So, no thanks, I don't want any diseases
from her either. And besides...why would I look at her when I have you?"

Connor hugged his girlfriend tightly. He was getting more and more sure
about Kristen each and every day. Surer that someday she was gonna be his
wife.

Although...as he kissed her temple one more time...he couldn't stop
wondering just WHAT that fleeting moment of...he didn't really know what to
call it, but when he had first laid eyes on Robbie...there was
something. No matter how he would try to hide it or ignore it...he could
convince himself it was because Kristen and Robbie looked somewhat alike,
being cousins.

Because God Almighty knows...it was a terrible mortal sin to think of
another boy as even SLIGHTY attractive.

**

Fast forward three months from where Robbie had tragically lost his
parents.

He had finally stopped his silent treatment of Kristen's family but that's
where the hope for him ended. Kristen found him one afternoon totally
passed out on his bedroom floor. She and Connor were just in time in
getting him to hospital to prevent him from dying from taking a handful of
her mother's sleeping pills and downing them all at the same time.

Connor's heart really went out to Robbie, even though what he did was seen
as a sin in the eyes of God, as the church and the Bible always taught
him. He had to have been such a great deal of pain to even BEGIN to
comprehend in ending his life at the tender age of only sixteen. He knew
that he really shouldn't judge Robbie for his actions, but his faith was
making things difficult at the moment, more than he had first anticipated.

Kristen, suddenly wanted nothing to do with Robbie anymore, and this coming
from two cousins who were SO close before the accident ever happened. It
was like they were more brother and sister, than cousins...and all because
Robbie had decided to take his own life, one of the BIGGEST sins that in
the eyes of someone of Christian faith.

Robbie meanwhile, didn't know whether he was coming or going at that point
and time either. All that he felt was that NO one...NO ONE knew just what
the hell he was going through his losing both of his parents in such a
cruel manner, and in a total blink of an eye, everything that he had known,
everything that he had hold dear in his sixteen years on this earth, was
taking away from him in a sheer, horrible instant.

He missed his old life, his friends, his neighbourhood, his old bedroom,
his backyard, his swimming pool...

...but most of all, he missed his parents...so, so much.

His poor Mother and Father...they must be turning in their graves if they
could see him right now. He remembered what his dad told him before that
same afternoon it happened.

 Son, we're going to Aunt Lily's. Poor thing can't do anything for herself
since she had her hip replacement. You wanna come along? We can drop you at
the mall and pick you up later?"

"No thanks, Dad. I really wanna watch CSI, it's like on in 10 minutes. Tell
her I said hi."

"Okay Son, we'll be back just now."

Robbie waited and waited. They will be back JUST NOW...fact was they never
returned.

Robbie remembered faintly through his drug induced state that he called
both his parents' cell phone's what felt like millions of times when they
weren't home two hours after they left. He knew something was wrong when he
phoned Aunt Lily and she told him they had left almost forty-five minutes
before. Her house wasn't even fifteen minutes travelling by car. Just
before the clock would strike eight that evening, the doorbell rang. And
when the sixteen-year-old Robbie saw the two policemen standing at the
door, he finally knew what happened way before they even told him.

It was like he didn't wanna think about that. He wanted too much to block
it out. Every time he would snap at someone, every time Kristen's folks
would invite him along to church, every time where his cousin would try her
best to get her holier than though boyfriend to come and shake him out of
his fucking misery...

...and with each and every one of those pills that he lashed down with
water that horrible afternoon, he saw his parents' faces.

It would have gotten so bad before, to the point that he had viciously
dreamed several times that he would have heard his dad's voice saying
they'll be back just now. Vivid, cascading dreaming of his parents' bodies
lying on the gravel tarred road with their blood fucking seeping everywhere
that he looked. He would wake up screaming his lungs out, his entire
cushion sobbing wet with the sweat and tears that he would have produced
during these nightmares...and of course there was no way that he would be
getting ANY sort of sleep from there on. It wasn't even worth the effort in
trying to.

His life was a mess. He didn't care what happened to him anymore. There was
an odd metallic taste in his mouth when Robbie turned his gaze towards the
door of the hospital room only to see his cousin Kristen's boyfriend enter
the room. He wasn't even sure of the dude's name. All he knew was the guy
was probably fucking his cousin. What the hell was he even doing here...he
sure as hell didn't invite him!

"Hey Robbie, you okay?"

"I've just had my stomach pumped and my throat totally feels like tin foil,
of course I'm okay," Robbie said with a smirk, rolling his eyes.

He saw the dude coming closer, ever closer, and for the sheer life of him,
he couldn't trust himself to actually look him in the eyes. He didn't know
where Kristen had gotten this boy from, from the very first moment that
they had first spoken to each other several months ago, Robbie had been
trying to get him out of his mind, without much success. His heart started
to beat faster than usual, like it always did whenever he saw
Connor...right, Connor was his name...

He was like the all-perfect guy that you could ever hope to actually
meet. Brown hair, a fierce smile, handsome features, muscled arms...and
although he had literally no proof, he kinda knew that there would be a
more than decent body underneath his clothes. Fucking hell, and don't even
mention that huge bulge! He shook his head and smiled wry fully...how the
hell was his cousin still a virgin, when she was DATING ALL THAT!?

And he just HAD to be one of those irritating, boring as hell, Lord
worshippers, didn't he...

Connor smiled slightly as he stopped at the foot of the bed that Robbie was
laying on, and held up in the air, what he had inside his hand.

"I brought you some chocolate. Kristen said that Bar One was your
favourite," he said softly, still smiling as he did so.

Connor's heart started to beat even faster at the gesture, but like he
always did...always HAD to...he quickly jumped on the offensive.

"Dude, for real man, what's your case with me? Jeez it's like I can never
get rid of you! You're bonking my cousin, that doesn't give you the right
to follow me like you're my shadow or something."

"Robbie, firstly me and Kristen are not having sex. Secondly, I care deeply
about her, and you're her cousin. So therefore, I care about you too."

Robbie wanted to so much believe that...the dude was a walking orgasm as he
stood before him. He turned towards Connor once more, and suddenly the URGE
to just GET RID of this dude once and for all came to mind. Even in
thinking how hot and sexy Connor was, was like he was stabbing Kristen with
a knife in her back, he felt. He knew his cousin didn't wanna speak to him
right now, but he loved her beyond belief...she was literally the only
member of his family that right now, he wanted in his life, he felt, they
had ALWAYS been so incredibly close.

What would she say...God, what would she THINK or DO to him when she found
out that he had his eyes on her boyfriend?

Gotta stop this. Gotta get rid of him...now and fucking forever.

"What kinda freak Dr Phil shit is that? Dude, you're my age, why don't you
act like it and go get a girl who can blow you instead of boring me out!"
Robbie shouted at the top of his voice, hoping the boy would just fucking
leave and get the message.

However, he clearly didn't know Connor Harper that well.

"You know Robbie, you can call me what you like. I'm not gonna stop
caring. I wanna try and help you, man! You almost managed to kill
yourself..."

"Yeah, what's it to you? You wouldn't be worse off because of that!"

"Yeah, I would be!" Connor hissed, taking Robbie's hand into his own. He
couldn't think of a time where he had been more angry, more emotional, with
someone such as this. He stared directly onto Robbie's widening eyes, and
forced himself to get the words out, words that he desperately wanted to
say...

"I would never have forgiven myself...never in a million years, simply
because I could have tried harder to stop you. Tried harder in getting to
know you. Tried MORE in being there for someone that I would really wanna
try and be friends with, and not just because you're Kristen's cousin...but
because..."

And it was there...and then that Connor was physically incapable of
carrying on. Because even in his naivity, he knew, that if he uttered
another word to Robbie, he would be committing more than one sin. And
merely because he didn't know...he couldn't remotely understand why he had
SUCH a deep connection with a boy that he hardly even knew.

Robbie immediately ripped his hand from Connor's as if he been badly burned
by the touch of the handsome boy.

"Listen here, Mother Teresa, I don't fucking need your help. Can you bring
my parents back? Well, can you? No, I didn't think so. I'm actually begging
you here to get the fuck out."

Connor took a deep breath, before he sighed out loud, but even so, he
gently nodded and walked to the door, leaving the chocolate bar on the bed
next to Robbie, giving him one last look before leaving. Robbie picked up
the chocolate bar and threw it across the room with sheer force. It
splattered against the wall and fell to the ground.

"FUCCCCCK!!!" he screamed before the tears started to fall from his eyes.

He started totally to slam and punch the mattress underneath him. His heart
rate was accelerating dangerously. And he knew why. That was what made him
so fucking angry. That he had to hide who he truly was. He had no
choice. Jesus, the moment that he saw that Connor didn't write him off like
his own cousin had seem to have done...the moment that he had placed that
Bar One chocolate on the table in front of him, it felt as if he was having
one of THOSE dreams all over again. The ones where he would finally find a
boyfriend to call his own, and in an entire fucking world where he never,
ever would have to hide just WHO and WHAT he was ever again.

Jesus, he had never felt this way about any other person before.

**

Connor waited for the elevator to reach the ground level before he walked
out and into the parking lot. Before he got into his car, there was
something which made him look upwards, to where Robbie's room was. For a
minute or so he kept his gaze. Hi head was currently pounding and he had no
idea why...it actually felt as if the blood was suddenly PULSING through
his veins...He quickly shook his head, as if wanting to forget some
horrible thought, before he drove off.

When Connor got home, Kristen was sitting in the kitchen talking to
Connor's mom. Connor's parents really approved of Kristen and really hoped
things between their son and her would work their way into a possible
marriage. Connor however wasn't in the mood for idle chit chat.

"Kristen, can I see you outside, please?" he demanded, not even waiting for
an answer. Kristen gave Connor's mom a questioning look, to which the
latter replied by slightly shaking her head. Connor had not even greeted
his mom, and it was the first time he basically ordered anyone to do
anything.

As Kristen got outside, Connor was standing at his car, his head leaning on
his arms as he slowly breathed in and out. She gently reached out and
touched his shoulder. When Connor looked up, his eyes was full of tears. He
sort of violently pulled Kristen towards him and kissed her passionately,
almost demanding entry to her tongue. He had never been so forceful with
anyone, let alone Kristen of all people, the girl that until this
afternoon, he was convinced was the only person he would EVER be attracted
to.

When the kiss ended, Kristen was actually a bit lightheaded. She slowly
opened her eyes as Connor was looking pleadingly into her them. The stare
from her boyfriend, the more than intense look in his beautiful
emerald-coloured eyes was something that she had never really seen, ever
before.

Connor blew out some much-needed breath, before he caressed both of her
arms as softly, and as caringly as he possibly could.

"I know...I know that we said we would wait but...but I cannot do this no
more. Kristen, we have to have sex as soon as possible..."

Kristen was stunned to say the least. This was the same guy who took sex
and The Bible's commandments so seriously! Now this?

"Connor, what..."

"No, don't talk. I love you so much. Give me a chance to show you how
much..." Connor said, his voice literally shaking.

He gently placed his lips on hers again, almost as to apologise for being
rough with them a moment ago. He then pulled her close to him, stroking her
hair. Everything was as it should be...except that it wasn't Kristen's face
he saw in his mind when he kissed her. He blinked his eyes rapidly, as if
to force these thoughts away.

As he held her, he swallowed slowly. It wasn't as if he didn't wanna hold
her...it's just...there was someone else who he wished was in his arms
right then and there.

It quite literally scared the crap out of him.


**

In the hospital room, Robbie managed to fall asleep for a few hours, for
the first time in nearly two weeks. He dreamed of a young man, a young dude
whom he chased out of his room because he felt things he shouldn't have
felt. Things that Connor himself was probably taught and believed was
wrong. For the first time he felt something, call it a flutter in his
stomach. An excitement each time he saw him.

Feelings and thoughts that a boy shouldn't be having over another boy...

...least of all for his cousin's boyfriend.

**

THANKS FOR READING!!

Some of you mailed and me recently regarding my stories and although you
guys seemed to enjoy it, some of you have complained that these days, my
submissions are too long. So, in trying to set the first chapter of what I
hope, would be a successful story, I kept it short, only putting in what
was needed at the start.

If you wanna get in touch with me, feedback is always welcome, and it makes
us wannabe writers feel that we're actually doing some good! Xx

liciousryan@gmail.com