Date: Wed, 23 Dec 1998 00:09:38 EST
From: dcd1972@msn.com
Subject: Getting Noticed

This isn't meant to be the usual sex filled story, although it will probably
end up having its fair share of that in it.  For some odd reason I have
been wanting to tell about my experience in life and being gay.  Some is
good and some is pretty bad but over all I am happy with my life and
wouldn't change anything.  Well here goes, a small part of my life starting
with high school, or at least I think.  If you like it or it makes any
sense to you please let me know.  Any suggestions are greatly appreciated.
Just remember, I am not an author, I am a biologist... I need help.


Gay, queer, fag, Homo; all words that flowed off my tongue rather steadily.
I knew I was gay ever since I knew about sex.  I was never attracted to
girls, I mean I had female friends and liked that a lot, but I didn't see
myself wanting to be with one for life.  I wanted something but I didn't
know what I wanted at the time.

Now if you have read any of my other stories you can tell I am not one of
the stereotypical, or what our society thinks is a stereotypical gay.  I am
more of a individual person, just like the rest of society, gay or
straight.  I love sports especially hockey and football.  I dress in
T-shirts and jeans but still can wear a suit with the rest of them.  I am
average in looks.  My boyfriend thinks I am hot but that a little bit of a
biased compliment.  I am just under six foot tall and only 160 pounds on a
very humid day.  Yes, I am a bit on the thin side.  I do have a fair amount
of hair, chest and legs basically.  I have brown hair which I like to keep
fairly short.  My eyes change colors with the seasons, now with winter they
are hazel.  Well enough about how I look.

I have always had the attitude that I was different, not only in the gay
way but different.  I want to have a good life, but to me that means I want
a Boyfriend, not a different one every year or month.  I want a steady
person that I can love and who loves me.  Not someone that is with me for
money or for sex or for personal gain.  I want a good job, I didn't go to
college for years to be broke and hate my job.  I want to travel and have
fun.  I do not think I want too much out of life.  Well, this is a lot to
ask I was told, by a lot of gay friends.  If this story goes well you will
eventually find out that I think I have found a lot of what I want in life
at my present age of 26.  Thank you John, I love you so much.  Sorry,
personal note.  Yes, I do have a boyfriend.  He doesn't know anything about
me writing this and I do not know if I can show them to him, but eventually
I will.

Enough background on me... on with the story.

When I was young, like maybe 7 or so I had a friend named Derek.  He was
cool to hang around with so we became good friends.  One day he asked if I
wanted to play hockey in our city.  I said yes.  He skated three times and
then quit.  I liked it and I play to this day.  Our friendship grew more
and more.  I new nothing about sex at this age.  For anyone thats younger
you have to consider that I grew up in a Midwestern suburb in what is
considered the middle class.  We didn't have the TV and blatant sex like
there was in later years.  One day Derek asked me if I would "show him mine
if he showed me his".  Well I was curious so we did it.  This was the first
dick I have ever seen besides my own.  I was 13 or so at this time.  I was
just beginning to realize what sex and that was all about.  We didn't have
sex though, we were young and exploring our bodies.  We did the usual
touching and rubbing, not to orgasm just to look and play.

After a few times of doing this, maybe about five times over a year or so I
knew I wanted more.  It was so natural for me to do.  I didn't know what I
was doing but I put his dick into my mouth and sucked on it.  I had no idea
what I was doing, and I only did it for a minute or so but I was hooked, I
new this was what I wanted.  He and I played around a few more times but
that was it.  We are still friends today but with time and distance we grew
apart.

Well with having my first penis I was totally confused at 15 years old.  I
knew it wasn't right.  I new I should have a girlfriend.  I knew I needed
to forget about guys, it wasn't done.  It wasn't something looked kindly
on.  I needed to grow up and do what was expected of me, so I did.

I started dating a girl who was a good friend of mine.  She was great I
loved her in a lot of ways.  We went to school together and we would hold
hands in the halls, we would go on dates and to dances.  I was becoming
more popular with the kids in my school and we were having more fun than
ever before.  She supported me and I did her.  We were inseparable.  The
only thing that was lacking was a true love.  Not that we didn't have love,
it was just the love you would have for a good friend, not a sexual love.

We dated for two years; we were seniors by then.  We had the so called
obligations to do things, to be the perfect young couple.  Do not get me
wrong we had a lot of good times but I wasn't satisfied.  I thought I was
for a while but I new I wasn't.  No matter how hard I tried I couldn't stop
thinking of guys.  I would get hard thinking of the guys in my class or at
hockey or in the mall.  I didn't think it was a real problem and I thought
it would just go away if I tried not to think of it anymore.  Well anyone
thats in the same position as I was knows that it wont go away.

Now comes that worst part.  I wanted to be straight so bad I would have
done anything to obtain my goal.  I even wanted to have sex with my
girlfriend.  I figured it would eventually happen anyways and that would
make me go straight.  Well it was almost prom night and we were going with
a bunch of our friends.  I figured that we would just have a good time and
if sex came up then I would do it.  The prom ended and we went to the limo
to go to an after party at a hotel.  We got to the hotel and it basically
turned out to be a few couples and a few beds.  Well we made out for a
while and then it came time to actually do it.  I thought that all the
making out would get me hard, I thought that just the thought of actually
having sex would make my 18 year old dick get hard, but it didn't.  No
matter what happened I couldn't get it up.  I even thought about the guy in
the bed next to me with his girlfriend but it didn't work.  I dreamed of
sucking his cock and nothing happened.  I had no other choice but to come
out and tell the truth to my girlfriend.  So I told her the truth: I told
her that I was too drunk to screw and went to bed.  It was the best truth I
could come up with at the time.  After all I didn't want to be known as gay
when it was going to go away eventually, Right?

The next day the guy that was in the bed next to us called me.  He asked
what was up.  Yes he meant that as a joke too, he knew nothing was up the
night before.  He told me he was going to come over for a while and wanted
to see me about something.  When he got to my house we were alone when he
came out and just said "I know why you didn't fuck her last night".  I was
shocked, I didn't really like this guy, he wasn't one of my friends, he was
more a boyfriend to my so called girlfriend's friend.  I did however think
he was extremely cute.  He was about five seven with green eyes and blond
hair, he had a smile that would kill too.  He told me he knew I liked guys,
he had heard the rumors around school that I was gay.  Yes, there were some
rumors going around about a few different guys for no real reason, I mean I
didn't have sex with anyone they could have known about, so the rumors
passed without incident.  I did play hockey and had a girlfriend and yelled
"FAG" as loud as the rest did.

I was stunned.  I was sitting in the back yard with a cute guy that just
accused me of being gay.  What do I do?  I tell him NO, I am not gay, it
was the alcohol.

"I know you are gay, I have seen the way you check out other guys at
school, the way you always seem to help the good-looking guys with school
work and stuff.  Dont lie to me" He said.

"I dont have a clue as to what you are talking about, Mike. I do not do
anything that even resembles what you are saying."

"Well you do, I have seen you.  I know because I do the same thing.  Don't
you see me looking at your ass, or notice that I always come and talk to
you during gym class at exact time you are going to get undressed?  I have
wanted you since 10th grade you stupid asshole."

I was taken back.  I have never had anyone tell me that they wanted me.  I
didn't know what to do, I just looked at him for what seemed forever.  All I
could do was say "Oh really?"  Now thats not the best thing to say to
someone that has just come out to you in your back yard.  All my words did
was make him get up and walk away from me.  He went in the house and sat at
the couch.  I walked in and sat down.  When I looked at him he was crying.
He said he was sorry and he would leave in a few seconds.  I made him stay.
I told him I wasn't gay.  I said I wanted to try having sex with a guy and
that I did screw around with someone before but I didn't do much at all so
I was still curious.  With this said he smiled and asked if I would try it
with him, even if just one time.

My dick got hard at the thought.  I wanted him, I wanted him bad.  I gave
Mike a "follow me" look and went to my room.  He came after me.  We got to
the room and just stood and looked at each other for what seemed like hours
before he spoke up and said "so are we going to have some sex or am I going
to have to go home and do it alone".

We undressed ourselves, yeah I know it sucks and we should have done each
other but I was new to the sex thing after all.  For the first time in my
life I was naked, hard and totally infatuated with someone I was lusting
after.  He had a great dick.  It stood like a statue, straight as an arrow
about 6.5 inches long with average thickness.  All I could do was drop to
my knees and suck it.  I choked a little at first but when I got used to it
I sucked like I was sucking for my life.  After about five minutes he
grabbed my head and shoved his entire length in my mouth as hard as he
could.  I felt the cum start to poor out of his throbbing member.  I didn't
taste it at all, he shot it all down my throat.  It was the best time I
have ever had in my life to that point.  I was so excited that I came all
over his leg.  I didn't even touch myself and I came all over the place.

We laid down on the floor panting and me catching my breath for a few
minutes when Mike moved to my already hardened cock.  He took me in his
mouth.  What a sensation!  I thought I was going to die I was feeling so
good.  Then he drove me really crazy.  He started licking my balls, taking
one at a time into his mouth.  He rubbed my legs and my chest as he did
this.  The sensation was overwhelming.  I was in total bliss with my 8
inches in a warm mouth and hands all over me.  I came in a few minutes.  I
shot the hardest load of my life to that point.  I was exhausted.  We fell
asleep in each others arms that afternoon.  When we finally woke up it was
three hours later and my mom was almost due home.  He said Goodbye and left.
We became better friends after this but only had sex a few more times then
we both went off to college.

I felt a little better about myself then.  I was open to the fact that I
liked guys.  I knew that it wasn't going to go away and I would have to
learn to deal with it.  Looking back I was only a few steps away from
becoming a full person and living a real life for a change.  I didn't know
it was going to take a few more years and a lot of living and experiences
to get to that point.


Getting Noticed 2

First of all let me say I am grateful for all the positive email I have
gotten so far.  I have heard from a lot of guys that are going through the
same things I went through.  The point of this story is to possible help
younger, and even older guys come to terms with their sexuality.  All I can
say is THANK YOU for all your letters and emails, I try to answer all of
them if I can.


The College years:

I wanted to go to a small college close enough that I could come home for
the weekends yet far enough that I had to live always from him home.  Still
to this day I am grateful for the college I chose, it was about an hour
from home so no one was going to "drop" in on me yet if I needed mommy I
could be home quickly.  My father died in the middle of my senior year of
High School so I was launched into so called manhood real quickly.  Looking
back I think the most useful things I learn in college came to me outside
of class. Living on my own even though it was in the dorms taught me stuff
thats invaluable in my life.  It taught me to be a real person and take
care of myself.  The problem was I was still a gay boy of 18 trying to live
a straight life.  I went to a conservative college, I went for their
science program and I didn't think I would mind the religious courses,
after all I was pretty much uninterested in stuff I could see or touch so
the word God ment little to me.  I didn't respect anyone that couldn't
respect the feelings that I had and was trying so hard to repress.

I moved in on a weekend and met a lot of people, both male and female.  I
still wasn't attracted to women but, let me tell you, they guys were pretty
hot.  It was basically a bunch of young guys running around the dorm in
nothing but boxers.  The only thing that kept me from busting was the fact
that we had suites with a bathroom in the middle.  I spent a lot of time in
the shower or on the pot taming my hormones so to speak.

My first three years went about the same: classes, drinking, classes,
sleep, Fraternity stuff and more classes.  I got a private room after a
year and I loved the privacy.  I did what I wanted, when I wanted.  I
answered to no one.  Still, I went through a lot of tissue on those lonely
nights.  I dated a girl for a while.  We never had sex, to this day I am
still a virgin in that sense.  She was just a bit bossy and far too
possessive for me so we broke up. It wasn't a bad break, I still see her to
this day.  She has a wonderful baby boy and a great husband.

In my third year it happened.  I was the Resident Advisor for my floor and
doing my job like a good boy.  I was on campus a few days before the
residents were to move in.  Paul walked into my office on my first day back
to school.  He was an out of state student and had to come early to do some
paperwork.  He was hot.  He made me lose all train of thought when I looked
at him.  I needed to put him in a room close to mine, just so I could have
any opportunity to see him when ever I could.  Yes, he and I were to become
good friends whether he knew it or not.

I was coming to terms with my sexuality at this time and it was time for me
to play around a little.  I needed to see if I was truly into the gay sex
thing or if I was just in aw of good looking guys and wanted to be more
like them or was I truly gay.  I needed to use my education as a scientist
and do a little experimenting.  If I called it this, I wasn't gay in my
mind, it was just an experiment.  Yeah, right, but it worked for me.

Time seemed to slow whenever Paul was near me.  I could do nothing without
thinking of him.  Classes were pretty easy for me now, I took a lot of the
hardest classes already so I had basically a bunch of crap to take.  Luck
would have it that Paul was a biology major.  He was in intro biology and
chemistry.... both of which I was the TA.  How lucky could I be?  He was a
good student.  He had a solid B in the class but always seemed to have
problems making the labs work.  Now if you ever were a TA you know how
close you have to work with the students to help them.  Paul was no
exception.

He would always call me over to his table so I could help explain things to
him.  He never asked my helper.  Now, my helper was a tall blond that every
guy would have gladly died for.  Well all but me I guess. She and I worked
together great.  She was so happy to be with someone that liked her for
herself instead of her body.  Who was I to tell her I liked Guys!  Well as
the term progressed so did our friendship.  We started to do things after
class, hang out together and that kind stuff.  We were becoming
inseparable.

The professor for the biology class was a real bitch.  This woman lived for
biology.  She was a good teacher and wanted the students to learn
everything but sometimes she went a little far.  The students started to
hate her and were relying on their lab grades to help boost the overall
class grades.  The problem was that the labs were hard so hell for most of
them, including Paul.  He missed a lab one afternoon and asked me if he
could make it up later in the evening so of course I said yes.

When we got to the lab at about 10pm he asked what he missed.  I thought
that was kinda odd, he knew that we were doing the cardiovascular lab,
everyone hated doing it so it was the talk of the class for a week.  The
lab involved a stress test and an EKG.  After working up a good sweat on
the treadmill it was time for me to show him how to attach the leads and
explain what they did.

Paul took off his shirt, exposing the beautiful body I have grown to admire
off to me.  I was so happy yet scared, I figured out that I was going to
get to touch him.  I shook as I placed the leads on his somewhat hairy
chest.  I already had the heart monitor on him and I saw that whenever I
touched him his heart rate would start to speed up.  As I finished applying
the leads I told him to lay still and set the machine to run the scan.
When it finished I showed him what everything meant.  He said he wanted to
learn to do the test himself and asked if I would let him run it on me.  It
wasn't a problem for me.  I took my shirt off and laid down.  As he attached
the leads he played with my chest in order to "find" the right spot.  I was
getting a little excited at this point.  DAMN, why did I have to wear sweat
pants today!  I was squirming around trying to hide the bone growing
steadily in my pants.  He noticed though.  He asked me the old question
"So is that a banana in your pants or are you just happy to see me?".  I
must have turned 20 shades of red.  I didn't know what to say, I just laid
there and looked at him.  Sensing my embarrassment he kept attaching leads
and talking about the test.  After it was done we started walking back to
the dorms.  Paul asked me if I wanted to get a pizza and some beer and
watch a movie.

We went and got the food, and a 12 pack and settled down to watch the
movie.  We were sitting on his bed when he asked me if I wanted to watch a
porno he stole from his dad.  I said sure.  The porno turned out to be a
bisexual movie.  I didn't know what to say, I guess I didn't have to say
anything. I was hard, he was hard.. we both watched the movie.  He finally
spoke up after about 30 minutes.

"I didn't know this was a bi movie, sorry.  If you don't like it we can
fast forward through those parts"

"Why?" I said. "Sex is sex, and I am horny enough to explode, its not
bothering me."

"Good, I don't mind it either, besides it looks like they are really
enjoying it"

"Yeah it does, I wouldn't mind that guy blowing me, looks like he is good
at it."

"I have heard that guys give better head than women, they know what it
feels like"

"Yeah, I bet they do, but right about now I couldn't care less who blew me
as long as it was good."

We sat like that, watching the tape for a few more minutes when he shocked
me.  He asked me if I minded if he got more comfortable.  His dick was
killing him in his tight jeans and he needed to get a little release.  Who
was I to argue, I wanted him to be comfortable didn't I?

He was already taking off his pants before I even answered.  Pretty soon I
was sitting next to a guy I wanted so bad, sitting in his underwear.  I
thought I was hard until I saw him.  He must have felt like his dick was
made of cement.  It was a good 7 inches, curving up his body.  The top of
his underwear was soaked with pre-cum.  I almost came instantly.

"You'd better do something with that," I said, "or its going to break off."

All he did was look over at me and smile.  He told me he was at a little
disadvantage being all exposed and said he would feel a little more
comfortable if I took off my pants too, after all it was getting hot in the
room.  "No problem," I said.

Now we were both sitting there watching the movie, I was trying my best to
look at his cock without getting caught.  I needed to see it, I was
captivated by it.  I guess I didn't notice that I was rubbing mine through
my skimpy underwear until he told me.

"It looks like you are the one who needs to get off, you have been playing
with that thing for the last five minutes.  Why don't you just pull it out
and stroke it like you want too."

Well, I was not going to let this chance slip through my hands, so to
speak, so I did.  And he took his out too.

"Man, it feels great to be jacking off with a friend. I have always wanted
to do this," he said.

"Yeah, it is cool to watch someone else, maybe I can learn something, ya
know"

"Yeah, I love jacking off, always cool to learn how someone else does it."

"Well, I don't know about you, but if I keep this up I am going to cum
really fast. It's so hot watching you."

"I know, I need to cum. I am so hard it hurts," Paul said.

I don't know what came over me but I reached over and grabbed his dick and
started stroking it.  He didn't try to stop me all he did was let it go and
laid back.  He reached over and grabbed mine, slowly moving his hand up and
down the shaft.

We looked into each others eyes and I took a bigger chance, I leaned in to
kiss him.  I didn't even get close to him when all of a sudden he grabbed
my head and pulled it to his cramming his tongue down my throat.  I moved
on top of him as we laid back on the bed.  We were kissing so hard it hurt
my jaw.  My body was all over his, we were slipping our dicks around in the
puddle of pre-cum we were making.  I wanted him so bad.  As we pressed
together harder and harder, kissing and touching we both came within a
minute or two.  Volly after volly of my cum smeared between us, after about
two of my shots he started.  It was so warm, the feeling of our cum
sliding, mixing between our bodies.  I didn't ever want to get up.

After what seemed like hours we started to let each other go.  I looked
into his eyes and saw what I thought was the best guy I have ever met
looking back at me.  I thought I would be with him for a long time.  Well
we were together for a long time in some peoples book, but eventually we
did move on.

While looking into those eyes, the eyes that could make me do anything he
wanted me to do, I picked him up and carried him into the shower.  I took
my first shower with a guy.  I washed him.  We played around a little.  Our
cocks hardening for a second round of sex.  We went back to the bedroom.
While drying him of I was on my knees in front of him.  His now dripping
dick was just inches from my face.  I had to have it.  I had to taste him.
I put my mouth around his dick and sucked gently for what seemed like
hours.  He spun me around into a 69 on the floor where we both savored the
others juices.  I licked his balls, I sucked each one into my mouth, which
wasn't an easy task due to their size.  Pauls balls were the size of an
orange.  He had huge balls, and a great cock to go with them.  He came
after a few minutes of me blowing him, I swallowed it all.  He didn't shoot
a lot, but what can you expect for the second shot in the hour.

We fell asleep on the floor of the dorm room until about 6 AM when I got up
and went to my room.  We stayed together for the rest of the year, we had a
great time.  We did everything together but there was still something
missing.  He asked me to move to Texas with him but I didn't.  I wanted to
be with him, but I knew in my heart that it wouldn't work and he wasn't the
one for me.  We both cried when he left and I didn't.  I still miss him to
this day but less and less.  I have a new life now but it took a lot to get
here.

I graduated college and went on to an uneventful graduate program where I
also graduated at 25.  I was happy to be done with school but I was still
working in small jobs.  I loved the jobs because of the freedom but I
wanted to make money for a change, after all I have a family to support
now.  Yes, a family -- not a traditional family I know it will last
forever.  It's a long story but it's a lot better than the rest of life so
watch for it.


Any comments or suggestions are greatly appreciated.  Thanks to all the
people who have written me in the past, you are what keep me going.
Especially the ones I talk to daily.  You know who you are!!!  Email me at
dcd1972@msn.com.  Yes, I changed servers for a few reasons.