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I can't describe the paranoia I felt walking down the street. I can't explain it. I felt as though every single person we passed on the street just knew that I was gay for some odd reason. Like...they'd look at me, and then they'd look at Parker...and they just figure, "Oh, he's GOT to be gay! LOOK at the kid he's with! Something's going on there." Isn't that the silliest thing you've ever heard? I just couldn't shake the feeling that every pair of eyes on that public street was focused on us. And it probably wasn't far from the truth. He was so indescribably gorgeous.
We weren't really walking at a fast pace. Not at a slow pace either. But I couldn't tell if I wanted to hurry up and get to the store so I could get enough distance from him to catch my breath and unscramble my thoughts again...or if I wanted to just remain lost in this lovestruck madness for just a little bit longer. Because as confusing and chaotic as it was...I think I liked it. It was fun, you know?
Parker kept sort of turning his head to look at me. It's not like he was staring at me in a creepy way or anything. Just...I don't know. He was looking for something. Searching. It kept looking like he was about to say something, but then he'd stop himself. He'd look away, or he'd just giggle a little to himself for a second. I'd ask him what was up, but he'd just shake his head in the most adorable way. He was attractive to a point where I was sure that I was just making this all up in my head. Or at least 90 percent of it. It was surreal. That's the word. Surreal.
"So...do you know where the cool places are to skate around here?" Parker asked me.
"Huh?" I think I heard him right. I don't know why I would make him think I didn't. Maybe just to hear him speak again. His voice was addictive.
"Skater parks or anything? I saw your board, I figured you could point me in the right direction."
Still nervous, I said, "Oh yeah. Umm...there's a pretty cool place that they have fenced off under the overpass heading towards downtown that's pretty cool. It can get pretty crowded sometimes, but most of the guys there are cool." I DID it! Full sentences and everything! "There's the parking lot at the Rec Center too. But you've gotta deal with a lot of noobs over there that don't really know what they're doing. It's practically like a cluster of human bumper cars in that place. Oh...and the steps in front of the library on Main Street are cool. You'll get harassed for skating there during the week, but they close super early on Saturdays. Closed on Sundays. So nobody cares much."
"Ah. Ok. Cool." He said. Then...after a few more steps, he asked, "So...like...where do you go? I mean, maybe I'll see you there some time or something..." His voice trailed off, and he made sure to look straightforward so as not to look me in the eye.
Ok, so this is definitely a hint that he doesn't want this to be the last time we see each other, right? I mean, I know that I didn't just imagine that.
I took a breath to calm myself down a bit more, and with a grin, I said, "I hang at the underpass a lot. Um...I have a lot of fun in that place. People sorta know me over there."
"Cool." He smiled. "So...you go like....on the weekends or...?"
"Whenever I can get out there. I'll definitely tell you how to get there."
"Ok. That'd be awesome." And then...another secretive glance at me. A few of them in a row, in fact. I hope that I was looking my best today. I totally should have done a 'zit' check in the mirror this morning before rushing out of the house. I didn't think that I'd be running into the 'Superman' of comic book store hotties today!
We were now across the street from the store I told him about, and I said, "This is the place..." Stepping off of the curve. Parker suddenly reached out and grabbed a hold of my arm! He stopped me from walking just as I was about to get creamed by a bus! Jesus!!! It scared the living shit out of me, but I was so busy staring at Parker's beautiful face that nothing else, my ability to continue living beyond this sunny afternoon included, really mattered.
"Dude, are you alright?"
I tried to catch my breath. "Yeah. Hehehe...perhaps I should wait for the light?"
"Ya think???" He giggled. "Does this mean you're going to buy me something in the store now? You owe me!"
Taking a bit of a chance, I said, "I will give you my eternal lover. Forever and ever." I said. "But no money, because I'm broke until Friday."
I was surprised to hear him say, "Well...that may just make up for it. I'll take it."
With a playful smirk, I whined, "I love you because you saved me." And it made his smile widen even more. I don't know if it was the pure, creamy, complexion of his cheeks or what, but Parker was really quick to blush. He had the kind of smooth Ivory cheeks that couldn't hide it. He changed colors like a chameleon. It was CUTE though! If I could press my eager lips against that sweet blush...I could gladly stand right here and wait to step out in front of the next scheduled bus...knowing that I died having experienced it all.
We both paused for a moment. Just to sort of look down at our shoes and smile. I wanted him to ask me. If he asks me whether or not I'm gay, I swear to God, I'll tell him the truth. I'll scream it out into the street if he wants me to. I'd ask him first, but I had this giant, imaginary, barricade in front of my face telling me not to ruin this fun little moment we were having. I wanted to think up a clever way of finding out without having to ask and without him having to answer. But you'd be surprised just how difficult it is for someone to pull off. There really isn't a sneaky enough way around it.
He peeked up at me for a quick moment, and ran his fingers through his soft blond hair. I thought he might actually ask. It looked like he was going to come right out and say it. But maybe he had a barricade in front of his face too. "So, what did you say the name of this stuff was again?" He said.
Disappointed? Yeah, a little bit. But more relieved to have the pressure on my heart let up for a moment so I could stop trembling like I was. "Oh, right. Yeah, come on in, I'll show you where it is."
We entered the store together and I took him to the spot where they kept the paper products and stuff. Envelopes, pens, markers, poster board, etc. I started looking around to see if I could remember where I got it from on the shelf.
"So, you say this stuff doesn't do any damage to the back at all, right? I don't need this to be mint, I just don't want it to tear." Parker said, looking with me.
"I swear by it. It's actually really strong, but when you're done with it, the stuff peels right off. No marks on the wall either." I said, preoccupied with my search. "All you have to do is whip it out, and put it on the wall. It's really sticky and gummy, but it works."
"Just whip it out...and put the sticky stuff on the wall..." Parker said.
"Yep. That's it."
"Just, splash sticky stuff all over my bedroom wall? What about the headboard on my bed? Will it reach there?"
"Huh?" I was still looking, not even paying attention to the wicked tilt of his smirk.
"Would it be alright if I accidentally got some on the ceiling?" Parker asked, and when I found the box I was looking for and stood up, he raised an eyebrow, and that entire exchange finally palmed me in the forehead! He started to giggle playfully as he saw the realization of how extremely dirty that sounded blossom in the surprised glimmer in my eyes. And then I blushed as the idea of Parker....laying in bed...shirt up to his neck, pants wrapped around his ankles...shooting warm splashes of sweet, delicious...
SHIT! Stop that, Kevin! You don't want to go down that road! Not with him looking at you We're only about fifteen minutes away from home. We can entertain those happy thoughts when we get there.
"Uhhh.....hehehe...." I covered my face for a second, but I forced my hand to come back down. Who cares if he saw me blush. It was his fault, anyway. "Well that certainly didn't come out right."
"Sounds like it came just fine to me." He said.
I can't say the moment was awkward. It wasn't. Not really. I just...I had never experienced anything like it before, so I was a bit slow in figuring out what to do with it. You always imagine that you would be a real smooth operator when it came to some level of shared flirtation, but the truth is, it catches you off guard. Almost every time. Not that I would know about any times other than this one.
I was trying to keep things moving between us. But I didn't want to say something stupid. And I didn't want to dismiss a possible 'approach' on his part. And I didn't want to say something that was going to come off as creepy either. The LAST thing I wanted was for him to think that I was campaigning for a top spot on the local sex offender registry.
But after fidgeting around for a second or two too long, Parker said, "Well, thanks, man. I'm going to grab a soda and some chips. Do you want me to get you something?"
"Oh, no thanks. It's cool. I'm....I'm fine."
"Ok. I'll be right back." He said, and I watched as he gracefully glided to the back of the store to get something cool and refreshing to wrap his sexy lips around. Letting the liquid wash over his tongue. Giving him a shiver as his skin glistened with the sheen of Summer Sun perspiration. Ready to ride his skateboard home...keeping those long legs firm...that scrumptious ass of his round, and shapely, and tight...dear GOD, what am I doing to myself???
I couldn't see Parker over the shelves in the store, but I felt my heart flutter with a gentle panic when I heard the cooler door close. It was like...he was coming back up to the register. He'd pay for his stuff, we'd leave the store...and then it would be over. This amazing little wet dream moment of mine would be gone forever.
I had to do something. Awwww, I don't want him to go! Not yet. I should say something. I should just be like, 'Hey...you should come over some time.' That's casual, right? Doesn't sound lecherous or slutty. Doesn't make any assumptions. He's cool, I'm cool, we're just hanging out...being cool together. Or maybe, I could go to his house. Or maybe I can just say, 'Hey, I'm gonna do some skating tomorrow. You wanna meet me there?' That would be perfect, right? Because if I ask to go to his house, I sound like a stalker. If I ask him to come to my house, I sound like I'm leading him to a trap. And don't think the idea of tying this beautiful boy to a chair and keeping him naked in my basement hasn't crossed my mind. I was a boy scout once, you know? I know my knots. But just meeting up somewhere might be the perfect way to sort of...um....keep things neutral. At least for now. At least until I know a little bit more.
I must be CRAZY to think I have a shot with a boy like this! Ugh!
But you never know unless you give it your all. So...here goes...
Parker came towards me with a small bag of oven baked potato chips and a grape soda. "You ready to go?"
"Um....uh huh..." DAMMIT!!! Did my tongue fall asleep? Or is my brain just too stupid to form words at this point!
I breathlessly watched Parker pay for his snacks and the adhesive I recommended for him. I was almost bouncing on my heels now. I knew what I wanted to say, but I wanted it to sound...'normal'. Not like I just pulled it out of thin air. I wanted to lead into it softly, if that makes sense. Am I going to come off as desperate and lonely if I do this wrong?
He got his receipt and his change, and we both walked outside again, standing on the corner in front of the door. I remember seeing him open his soda and take a few gulps of it. I watched the bubbles juggle themselves playfully as he tilted his head back, exposing the smooth skin on his neck. His blond hair gently flowing backward as if the entire planet had shifted on its axis just to make things easier for him. It broke my heart to not have the words to tell him how badly I wanted to see him again. I certainly didn't want to leave things to chance and think 'maybe' I'll run into him later on. That could be days. Weeks. And even then it might be more of an issue of sheer luck and coincidence. I wanted to tell him. I did. I just wish I wasn't so damn afraid.
He put the cap back on his bottle, and we smiled nervously at one another. Parker asked, "So....which way are you going?"
I pointed back the way we came, towards the comic book store. "I live back this way, so...."
"Ah. Ok." He said.
"Um...so...like, which way? For you I mean?"
"Oh. I live this way." My heart sank as I saw him point in the complete opposite direction.
"I see." I hope that didn't sound too sad. I didn't mean for it to sound sad. "Is it close by, or...?"
Parker smiled, "It's within boardin' range, so..."
"Oh. Right. I guess, I forgot." I was shaking so badly. Just say it. Come on, dude! Man up and just ask Parker if he wants to hang out some time. It's not gay! It's a totally straight thing to do. Just with...exceptionally gay intentions behind it.
My head was spinning, my hands cold and clammy enough to almost soak through the cardboard of the package I was carrying. And just as I was reaching my wit's end as to how to keep from letting this conversation end on such a frustrating note...Parker said, "Kevin? Dude, can I...um...?"
"It's just...I was wondering if..." He seemed to fumble for a moment, and then he said, "Can I ask you a personal question?" I had to keep from gasping. ASK!!! For the love of God, PLEASE ASK!!!
"Ok..." I whimpered, held helplessly still by the mesmerizing aqua blue glow of his amazing eyes.
"Listen..." He said. But then he seemed to get stuck for words. "What I...well...I'm saying....that is, I'm asking if..." Come on, Parker. Oh God...is he going to ask me? I think he's going to ask me! "I don't want you to think that I'm accusing you or anything...wait...no, 'accusing' is the wrong word. I don't want you to think that...that I'm..." Keep going! Oh, Parker, I don't have the strength to do this myself. PLEASE, keep going! Then...he shut his eyes for a moment, sighed to himself, and I saw him cringe a little bit as he said, "Look...I'm gay. Ok? I mean...I like...boys." And then he opened one eye to peek at me as if bracing himself for a punch in the face or something. As if any person, EVER, would be heartless enough to bruise that pretty face. "Is that...like...is that ok?"
It was hard to keep myself from shooting up into the sky like a rocket and exploding into a storm of rainbow colored glitter! But...I stayed 'casual', just like I said I would. "Uh huh..." DAMMIT!!!
Parker sort of gave me an uneasy nod. And there was a silence between us. He looked me in the eye and just sort of waited. What? What did I do? What did I say?
"OH!!! Yeah! Me too! I mean, I'm...I like...what you like. I like...boys...and stuff." I don't think the words came out the way I pictured them in my head, but it made me smile to see Parker let out a sigh of relief and smile. "Hehehe, I'm sorry." I said.
"No, don't be. I just...I thought you might be, but then I thought you might not be..."
"Oh man, I know. I was the same way. I kept trying to figure out if maybe you were just a "Gone From Daylight" fanboy like me, or if you might actually be...like...you know."
"I'm glad. I swear, I thought I was going to be the only gay teenager within a hundred miles when I moved here. Well, the only one that would admit it, anyway." Parker said. Did we just...did we break the barrier? Is it gone? Sweet!
Sooooo much weight had suddenly been lifted off of my shoulders. We shared a chuckle about our own discomfort in trying to figure each other out, and I said, "So...gay, AND a "GFD" fan. You're already two for two in my book."
"Why thank you. Ditto on your end. When the new movie comes out, at least I know I'll have someone to go with. Hehehe!" He said. I don't think Parker knew just how much of an impact those few words had on me, but the rush of emotion that I got from the promise of future interaction with a boy that looks like he was created in a genetics lab and molded to perfection...was absolutely priceless.
I blushed as I softly told him, "Yeah. I think I'd like that."
Parker put his skateboard down on the sidewalk and reached in his pocket. "Dude, you've got to give me your number. I can call you."
"Um, yeah! SURE!" I said. We both pulled out our cell phones to add one another to our contact lists, and shared another awkward grin before putting them back in our pockets. "Ok, I got it."
"Awesome." Did we have anything else to say? Would things become more uncomfortable if we stood here trying to stretch things out longer than necessary? Everything about the few moments we spent together was perfect. I didn't want to force it. I don't think he did either. "Well, I've gotta jet. I want to figure out how this 'sticky stuff' works so I can update my vampire altar at home." He had the most amazing smile. I'd assassinate world leaders just to see that smile. I would.
"Mmmkay..." I said. Our eye contact seemed as though we were both trying to say something more, but neither one of us had the skills to interpret the language just yet. Maybe it evolves over time. Who knows? "I'll see ya..." I said.
"K. Bye." Parker stepped on his skateboard and flashed me another golden grin before taking a few kicks and peacefully coasting over the concrete in the other direction. Bag of snacks, adhesive, and an 'Adam Turner/Julian Clark' gay themed poster under his arm. It was, quite possibly, the most beautiful thing that I had ever laid my eyes on. Well, that and Parker's ass. He has a REALLY nice ass. It's like...god-like, you know? Really cute calves too. Smooth. If he had any hair on them, it was too blond for me to notice. And his lips. And his eyes. And...well...you get the idea. Beauty is what I'm getting at here.
In a daze, I watched him until he skated across the street on the next block and out of my line of sight. I had to shake my head and chuckle to myself. I have NEVER done anything like that before in my whole life. I don't talk to cute boys. Where did THAT burst of confidence come from? Well, can I call it confidence? Hehehe, I just got lucky. Because I would have totally chickened out if he hadn't made the first move. If I can even consider that a 'move' on his part. I wonder if he's out to everybody. Like, his friends and family and stuff. I probably should have asked that.
I took my phone out again, just to look at his phone number. I can't believe he just gave it to me like that. That's so cool. I like the numbers. I don't know why...they're just...they're cute numbers. A bunch of 3's and 1's. Hehehe, ok, now I'm just being silly! But if YOU saw his phone number, you'd think it was cute too! I'm just saying...
I finally turned around and was ready to cross the street when I was startled by the loud honking of a horn, and another BUS came racing by me at top speed!!!
What the fuck is WRONG with the public transportation in this town, anyway??? Jesus! Can you take it EASY??? A teen boy is trying to fall in LOVE here!
I skated my way back home, extra careful to look 118 ways before crossing any intersection on the way back home. Just my luck, I find what could be the true love of my life and then get creamed by the CTA before getting so much as a long passionate kiss from him. At least let me squeeze his ass a few times before putting me on the bench, Mr. Grim Reaper! Geez!
I flipped up my board and hurried into the house. Didn't say much to my parents. Other than mumbling a hello and refusing a quick lunch as I hurried through the house to my room.
And there it was. My collection. My most prized possessions all in the same corner. Spreading out more and more with every trip I made to Gary's store. And that's when I opened up the "GFD: Resurrection" cardboard cutout...and made sure to straighten out the creases in it as best as I could...before putting it together, standing it up, and standing back to see how everything looked together all at once.
I had to marvel at the sight of it all. The games, the posters, the books, the toys, the t-shirts...this was at the center of it all. And I sort of fell back on my bed to stare at it for a while longer. I could almost see myself wrapping my arms around Parker like that. Shirts off. Hehehe, even the little trickle of blood rolling down his chest. It could be our own little Justin and Taryn photo op. How cool would that be?
I looked at my phone one last time. God, what a CUTE phone number! But I wasn't going to call today. He'll regret giving it to me if he thinks I'm going to abuse it or be a pest about it. But I'll be honest, I kind of wish that I could hear his voice again right now. I really do.
How did a crush on a boy just blindside me so quickly? NO warning! Just BLAM! It hit me harder than that bus would have if he hadn't been there to pull me back. I know he's cute and all, but I'm usually a little bit more level headed than this. I'd like to believe that I can think rationally in these situations and not completely lose all self control the second I see a hot piece of ass.
But...Parker was more than that, wasn't he?
I don't know. Maybe yes, maybe no. All I know is that I've never been so happy to be so utterly confused before. And I can't wait to see him again. Every minute of my life is going to feel like a total waste until I do. I just KNOW it!