Jeet... ah, Jeet... the mere thought of him... the sound of his voice... his vision across the school yard, or the classroom, never failed to sent a shiver down Ash's spine... making his knees go all wobbly with desire... that weird tingle engulfing his whole being... setting his pubescent loin on fire as his teen cock stirred, stretched and shifted in his briefs!
Jeet was a constant distraction... a ceaseless source of temptation, and Ash simply couldn't get his mind off him... or, tear his eyes away from - dreaming all day, and jerking off each single night as he fantasised about the day when he'd finally take that boy!
Yes, Ash liked older guys... but Jeet was different... the only exception.
Yes, when it came to sex with guys, Ash always pictured himself as the coy, reluctant boy... being seduced with gentle persuasion... maybe even a little forceful coercion... stripped naked and played with - a tender lamb amongst wolves - before finally being taken... roughly penetrated and repeatedly fucked like a stray bitch - his mouth and his ass ravished. Passed around and shared like he was some public property... a communal commodity, for the collective pleasure of all!
With Jeet, however, the roles were somehow reversed, and Ash became the dominant aggressor... grabbing the boy and throwing him down... ripping his pants off before mounting him like a hot-blooded stallion, making wild and passionate love... fucking that awesome teen butt till Jeet was begging for more!
Jeet aroused the animal in him... the boy was simply like that - a lost, vulnerable child... a tortured soul hurting for love... at sea, waiting for direction... for someone to come along and take him... nurture him... guide him to his destiny...
And Ash wanted to be that person!
He first met Jeet in fourth grade - when Ash's father joined the new company and they moved to the area, Ash transferring to his new school.
An awkward little boy with floppy, dark hair contrasting with his pale, smooth skin... those weirdly slanting eyes, and the soft contoured features, giving him that almost far-eastern look - Jeet was the cutest thing Ash had ever set eyes on... especially that wide-mouthed, toothy grin - and he took an instant liking for the boy!
Over the year they became good friends, thick as thieves - growing up together... learning together... discovering together... and sharing those boyhood secrets.
And though, with the passing years, Jeet left a lot to be desired, Ash remained his good friend - supportive, helping him out with his school work, and generally being there for him, constantly coaxing him to strive harder. But by seventh grade Ash got sick of it all when it became apparent that the 'thing' he fancied they had going, simply didn't exist... Jeet simply didn't give a damn about Ash, or what he wanted... and Ash just couldn't go on trying to make it work any longer...
Ash had always craved for a single, good friend - 'the person' - the one and only, unshared buddy you run to in times of need, talk to in times of distress and call first in celebration - two people with that mutual and exclusive agreement between them. Ash believed that Jeet was that 'person' for him, expecting Jeet to reciprocate, be equally devoted to him - absolutely reluctant to share him with anyone else.
But Jeet seemed oblivious to any such emotion... just like the other boys, insensitive... only concerned with himself, horsing around with the guys.
Ash tried harder... going out of his way to win Jeet over, wean him away from the boys. But nothing changed, and in desperation Ash began his stealthy mind-games - drawing back, and then mostly ignoring Jeet... or being impossibly snappy with his scornful retorts whenever the boy came anywhere near. Desperatly hoping that Jeet would notice the change... and expecting him to come running back to him, begging forgiveness...
Either Jeet totally missed it, or chose to ignore Ash's weird behaviour... simply unconcerned!
Ash was incensed by (as he considered) the 'Betrayal'; furious at his 'Abandonment'; shattered by his failed 'Expectations' - and after some dire monitions about friendship, and the importance of anaclisis, (all of it expressed with dramatic histrionics), he stalked off...
By year's end the two had drifted apart, Ash silently crawling back to the safety of his shell... suddenly facing 'Devastating Isolation', and a 'Crushing Loneliness' - with everything in his life now lost and gone. Seeking solace in his journal (which he had recently started writing, for writing always made him feel slightly more collected; and though it didn't exactly make him feel better, it did manage to give some shape and orientation to the tangled mess that was his confused consciousness), and pleasure in his pillow (since it was around this same time that realisation had dawned upon him - the awareness of his fascination with guys, and how he loved watching them) as he drowned the sorrow of his loss - loss of 'his person' - in the newly discovered joys of onanism.
What Ash stubbornly refused to accept, or acknowledge, (for his high-noon dramatics about libidinal attachment), was the fact that over the past year Jeet had become close friends with another boy in class, spending more time with him, constantly together; that they both (utterly spoilt brats of obscenely rich parents) had much more in common - love for sports, passion for the weed, and obsession with girls with big boobs - than Ash and Jeet ever had; that being a control freak, and a terrifyingly possessive little fiend, Jeet's new friendship had ignited intense jealousy in him, incinerated him -- and he resented the boy, simply not interested in a 'threesome', another boy entering the equation of their 'partnership', something he just would NEVER have!
Sad and lonely, life went on... till he spotted Jeet that first day of school, after summer break...
Ash's heart almost leaped, right out of his throat... frozen still for a couple beats, before going into overdrive... pounding away like a forges' hammer!
Ash silently walked out to the landing - his gait suddenly confident, his eyes gleaming with the fire of triumphal glee as a slight smile played on his pursed lips.
Yes, he would have Jeet... take him like a bitch boy... snatch him away from the evil claws of that witch - Tina!
Ever timid to speak out, and eternally stymied by his fears and sense of shame, Ash had long suffered, silently watching the object of his adoration joyfully dancing away with others -- first, that stupid boy in seventh grade... and now, Tina, head over heels in love with the girl, obsessively so -- there never being any place, or space for him!
Silently reflecting upon the sorrowful futility of his love-life... constantly wondering if this was how his life was meant to be - simply sitting in corners and watching other people having all the 'fun'... whiling away his time in lonely musings: Already seventeen and No Alcohol; No Boyfriend; No Sex; No Nothing!
Where would it all lead? Where did it leave him?!
School was practically over - and his school life had been utterly tedious... suffocating and despondent.
Earlier, he would have rued his misfortune, his ultimate defeat at the hands of Tina... and silently withdrawn into his shell. Or maybe, stealthily schemed and plotted Jeet's destruction, steadily working behind-the-scenes, and then gloat over Jeet's ruination, afterwards -- Oh, he could be, when he decided to bare his fangs and unsheathe his feline claws (though he never accepted or acknowledged it), and he often was, a very mean, unforgiving and vindictive little asshole!
But the evening's affront, Jeet's completely inexcusable act of kissing that bitch in Ash's presence, was the final snub... the final slap on his face!
And he refused to let go... accept defeat and give up... take the slight lying down!
He just couldn't let despair prevail - he had been put there, (at that party, in that farmhouse), for a reason... a purpose... and perhaps, if nothing else, it was to finally stand up and claim what was rightfully his!
He was done being a disgruntled adolescent trapped in a prison of his own making. He was done being shy and timid... He was done being the goody-two-shoes... with his carefully nurtured image... and his glowing halo!
Ash refused to remain a broken and melancholic protagonist, deprived and defeated... eternally resigning and reconciling. He would rise as "from the ashes a fire shall be woken, a light from the shadows shall spring; renewed shall be blade that was broken", and lay claim on what was his - Ash would finally be the King!
Ash had already been to the farmhouse - once when Leo and Celine had invited him over for a Sunday family lunch, and again, on Leo and Celine's birthday, earlier in the year. He knew the house well, knew about the little room tucked away in a corner of the landing...
He'd wait for Jeet, and once he emerged from the bathroom, would take him to that room, and......
Oh! Ash felt the frisson of excitement judder through his body... sensing the turgid heat of his teen arousal twitch and flex impatiently as he stood eyeing the bathroom door, waiting for Jeet..
Ninth grade - Ash remembered that year!
He hadn't seen Jeet all summer - the boy had been away, visiting grandparents in some remote corner of the Kangra Valley - and on the first day of school, after summer break, Ash just couldn't believe his eyes...
The boy had changed... simply changed!
He was no longer that small, awkward little boy... he had miraculously metamorphosed into the most sizzling hot boy-man Ash had ever seen!
The lad had become a man, almost -- long-legged, slender and smooth... gracefully svelte and maddeningly lithe; the face on that irresistible cusp between feminine grace and masculine virility; the lashes thick and sweeping... the eyes eternally droopy; the ass firmer and tighter, more well defined...
And that incredibly wide mouthed, red-lipped, toothy grin... it had transmuted into the most amazingly sultry smile!
Ash gaped shamelessly, his nether region atingle with desire!
Jeet had always been deep into all those Japanese anime stuff - manga and tankobon; heavily influenced by those anime schoolboy types - slender and lineal... without curve or curvature, cylinder straight. And it seemed that over the summer, he had perfected that manga look - with the whoosh of his jet-black, silken mane sweeping across his face... garbed in those short, straight shirts (mostly) or tiny t-shirts, and those tight-assed, girlie, low-rise jeans, or pants... the broad band of his boxers tantalisingly showing...
Jeet had become a stunning conjugation between manga and emo - maddeningly cute and stupendously adorable!
With his surging hormones, and the newfound realisation of his own sexuality, Ash suddenly became aware of the fact that he actually, intensely desired Jeet... had always desired him... insanely wanted him back; that Jeet meant a lot more to him than just 'friend' or 'the person'... that, he was crazily in love with his childhood buddy!
It however didn't occur to him that, perhaps, it was simply their years of familiarity coupled with his ancient attraction for that cute little, vulnerable boy, which had birthed his current infatuation... somehow certain that it wasn't some infantile crush, but love, true love!
Each day was a torture, and each night a playground of kaleidoscopic imagination - a furious foray into the wilderness of his untamed fantasy!
It was killing him - but no, he wouldn't... he just couldn't go begging - he had already done it once, and he couldn't demean himself any further. If Jeet wanted him, then Jeet would have to come to him!
Yes, besides being a paranoid young boy, Ash was also an exasperatingly egotistical snob... and, agonisingly afraid of rejection and ridicule...
So, beyond the usual 'Hey!' and a casual 'Hi!', they essentially remained 'strangers' - Ash sighing and suspiring in his lonesome pine for the love of his life, silently contemplative, about his unrequited love - constantly worrying, and wondering where his love-life was headed; beating his meat each night as he thought up the most wildest ideas (which he was too shy, and too scared to ever implement) about getting Jeet alone, in his bed!
The year was nearing its end... almost over in a blink, with Ash still drooling and dreaming... and of course, pleasuring himself each night... but he simply couldn't continue... Jeet was driving him crazy - seeing him at school, in class, each day, was becoming torturously painful!
He HAD to do something... he had to ACT!
Finally, swallowing his pride, Ash went right up to Jeet, renewing their old bond (now that the other boy had transferred out of school)... hoping that things would be different this time... perhaps Jeet would, at long last, realise what he had lost... would eventually acknowledge Ash's love, and reciprocate...
Jeet seemed cool with the idea, even happy, and soon they were hanging out once more, Jeet coming over to Ash's place after school (since both his parent were at work, and they could have the house all to themselves) - spending hours playing games on his Xbox, or the new laptop which he got that year for his birthday... or stretched out on the couch, languid in stuporous elegance, watching television - fascinatingly alluring, and impossibly tempting - making Ash pause and savour the sight... desperately wanting to reach out and touch... caress... fondle; steal a kiss in the late afternoon solitude!
But alas, things hadn't changed much... Jeet hadn't changed at all... and with all those conflicts in his confused mind, those incertitudes and doubts... his terrible fear of rejection, and ridicule... and the shame - Ash remained a mute admirer, unable to do a thing... just watching... and desiring... and hoping...
Oh, it was so damned frustrating!
He did try though, at being 'brave' - dropping a few suggestive hints here, and some 'bold' allusions there... even thinking out loud about Jeet's manga-emo affectation, the tremulous questions punctuated with nervous giggles as he wondered if, like emos, Jeet too had all those piercings - piercings not visible to the casual observer. Curious to know if he read yaoi too - those special genre of manga involving 'seme' pursuing 'uke'. Slyly, in his elegantly insouciant manner, offering the laptop with subtle suasions about porn sites... 'accidentally' clicking open gay sites before closing them with a nonchalant shrug, suddenly wanting to know what Jeet thought of such stuff...
But all his subtle efforts were met with that same silly grin eternally pasted on Jeet's vacuous face... those long-lashed, gormless eyes forever glazed!
Dejected, yet hopeful, Ash never lost heart... didn't give up - constantly calling him up, inviting him over... supportive through all those adolescent exigencies, consoling him... coaxing and cajoling him to confide... but Jeet didn't seem to understand... or care, didn't even notice all the things Ash did for him... simply oblivious.
Jeet's carefully cultivated manga-emo look, his 'tortured soul' act, and that broody, sad look was just a façade... and behind that 'deep' and sensitive emo archetype hid a bloody narcissistic approval-seeker... vain, bigoted and arrogantly condescending; a morosely androgynous prick, an unreconstructed male chauvinist. There was nothing 'sweet', nor 'nice' about him... and though he tried very hard to cover it all with his extrinsic 'sophisticated' demeanour... and his fashion-identifiable cliques (always better dressed than the best dressed girl in school), eternally trying to look cool and nonchalant... he was actually a miserable piece of worthless shit... a pathetic failure - a bubble of hot air!
And though like emos he only listened to screamo, punk, rock and indie, he had absolutely no contact with his emotions!
Finally after two years of trying, in early 2012, disillusioned and disenchanted, Ash gave up, skulking back to his shell... consoling himself over the futility of his endeavour as he licked his massive, wounded ego.
Jeet (he told himself) wasn't even worth the effort - he wasn't half as 'good-looking', after all... nor handsome by any stretch of one's imagination... and there was, in reality, ABSOLUTELY NOTHING common between them.
And as for the 'thing' that he fancied they had going, well, it simply didn't exist - Ash had enough, and he just couldn't go on trying eternally to make it work... not any longer!
Jeet (he further confabulated) was the quintessential 'bad boy' - a chain smoker, an occasional tippler, a total tea head - and therefore popular with the cretins and the mutinous mob; he was a guy's guy - into sports, wild and wacky with his horsing, and very good with 'sourcing' (alcohol and weed)... ever helpful, taking care of the n00bs and the wasted losers at those stupid parties!
He was a promiscuous prick too - having already made out, or gotten 'handsy' with practically half the girls in class - and though the girls hated him (Ash had all the gossips directly from the girls!), they were still irresistibly drawn to him like moth to the flame!
Each night, however, Jeet's cute face invariably came floating to haunt him... those long-lashed, droopy eyes... that wonderful smile seductively beckoning him... and his eager hands desperately sought out his throbbing cock... panting as he jerked off... his mind conjuring images of a naked Jeet in writhing ecstasy under him... moaning as he called out the boy's name in the agonising throes of his powerful orgasm...
And then, as highschool was approaching its end, in late October, 2012, Jeet shocked him... reigniting the smouldering flames to a raging intensity...
"Hey, Ash, wait up!" he had heard Jeet holler across the school yard and paused, wondering.
"Hey, dude," Jeet caught up with him, giving him that wonderfully sultry smile, making his heart slam with want, "you never wait after school, rushing home, huh?!"
Ash shrugged silently, willing is heart to calm down.
"Dude, I need to talk... um, you always seem to have all the correct answers, and I have something to ask, er, pretty personal..."
Ash could barely control the tremor that threatened to wrack his body... not even daring to think what that 'personal' matter might be... hoping that Jeet hadn't come to him for some more consoling, if, as the school rumours suggested, Tina had really dumped him!
They had walked out of the school, headed towards the bus bay...
"Listen, can I come over, huh?" Jeet asked, his dopy eyes for once alive and awake, glinting in the afternoon sunlight.
Ash simply nodded... desperately wondering, and praying...
Back at the house it all came out... stumping Ash to a desensitised stupor.
"Dude," Jeet grinned once they had gone to his room, "um, it's kinda weird, but I simply need to ask you... er, you know... um," and then he stopped, looking at Ash.
"Um, like I'm cut, you know, tight foreskin," Jeet revealed out of the blue... leaving Ash to grope blindly in stunned confusion, wondering whether he should be embarrassed or excited. "And what about you, huh?" Jeet continued as Ash remained silent.
Ash shook his head, still dazed and groggy.
"Okay, so you're uncut!"
"I'm seven," Jeet confided with a conspiratorial smile, that wide, incredibly wide mouth almost splitting his face in two as the lips stretched from ear to ear. "Um, do you think it's adequate, you know, sufficient to satisfy a woman?"
Stunned into silence, Ash merely nodded his head... unable to speak, not trusting his voice - shocked... astonished... amazed... and stupefied. Utterly confused and befuddled!
Yet, excited too, once it all sank in... and a faint glimmer of hope began to sparkle somewhere deep within - could it... could it mean that Jeet was finally coming around? After all, guys, 'straight' guys, simply didn't go around revealing the size of their dick to other 'straight' guys - friends or otherwise; asking them whether it was adequate for satisfying a woman!
There was always the internet for all such private queries!
And why him? What did Jeet really mean? And why now? Was Ash's earlier effort at sly seduction finally bearing fruit?
Oh, all the conflicting signals, all the confusions... Ash would surely go crazy!
But all Ash's doubts, his uncertainties, and his expectancies were brutally shattered the very next day, when – to his utter shame and chagrin, and fierce rage – the girls at school excitedly disclosed the latest gossip, about Tina and Jeet seriously thinking of 'doing the deed'... after the New Year eve's party... now that they both were eighteen... and in LOVE!
It burnt him, and he ran back home, almost in tears!
Ash silently watched as Jeet tottered out of the bathroom on unsteady feet, fumbling awhile before managing to pull the door shut... turning around and pausing as he spotted Ash leaning against the wooden balustrade of the stairhead, watching him.
"Hey, dude!" Jeet gave his doped grin, the glazed eyes flickering in recognition for a brief moment, "What you doing here, huh?"
"Waiting for you," Ash replied as he straightened up and walked over, his tone weirdly husky.
"Me?!" Jeet let out a giggle, swaying as he reached for the wall, steadying himself.
"Yes," Ash smiled as he went up and stood before the stoned boy... reaching out and taking his hand, "Come..."
to be continued...