Date: Sat, 6 Aug 2005 22:06:12 EDT From: NEL114@aol.com Subject: gay male highschool he was my best friend 4 You guys know the drill, don't get caught reading if your not old enough or its illegal. If u like it tell me. NEL114@aol.com. The fire cannot burn me so if you absolutely feel the need to flame me, do it all you want I'm immune. ENJOY!! Hey so here's chapter 4 HOORAY!! I just want to say, I feel mega slow for posting the wrong chapter at the wrong story. So sorry to all you dudes who were looking for chapter 4 of he was my best friend but got chapter 8 of anybody just not him. *smilez* . Ok now this is chapter 4, no screw ups this time. He was my best friend chapter 4: memories good and bad. I love him, he is my life. Even though he does some dumb shit. He's josh, my josh and I wouldn't have him any other way. But maybe he'll stop, maybe I'll finally be enough for him. How long do I have to wait? It's been two years and no change. Ignore what he does for as long as I can, then I snap. We argue, he apologizes we have sex and were back together. What if it never changes? what if we never change? Could I live like this forever. Is my love that strong. But I love him... " penny for your thoughts babe." it was dark out. We had just finished our make up for the month. " just thinking about the past." but it wasn't the past, it was the present our present and most likely our future. " yea we had some good times." his arm gripped at my side a little tighter. His breath hot on my neck, voice a whisper to my ear and his naked body to my own. I love him, but I couldn't take this forever. " what was her name." the reason for our last fight was, some chick answered his phone after he canceled on me. I asked who the hell it was answering my boyfriends phone, and she then tried to cuss me out but josh took the phone. " can we not talk about it? Please." he started licking and sucking my neck. " no we can't." he started grinding me from behind. " JOSH!" " what!? I want you and only you. She doesn't matter." " how can you say that when you always go back to them. What if I start doing what you do? Would you like knowing that your boyfriend-wait BESTFRIEND is with other guys." " no you cant. I'm not sharing you." how can he be so selfish, he can fuck whatever he wants but when it comes to me... I'm off limits. " then why don't you stop. How do you think it makes me feel to know that you' re with other people?" I turned around to face him, so I could look him the eye when he responded. " I'm sorry-" I'm sorry that's all he can give me. " Josh that's not going to work this time. I need to know why. why aren`t I enough for you that you have to fuck every bitch in sight." " don't call them bitches!" he was always got mad when I called the bitches he fucked bitches. I don't understand it, he says he doesn't care about them but when I say bitch he goes insane. " oh take they're side why don't ya." " you don't have to call them that." " are you listening to yourself. your telling your boyfriend not to call the girls he CHEATS on you with bitches. AND THEN YOU TAKE THEIR side!" " I'm not your boyfriend-" is he serious, he's not my boyfriend. my past, my present and my future. "then what the hell are we?" " you're my best friend." best friend, do best friends fuck, do they tell each other how much they love the other. " ok so BEST FRIEND!" I said getting out of the bed, trying to find my clothes in the dark. " considering I don't have a fucking boyfriend maybe I should start looking, you have a sex life so why shouldn't I? I don't have a boyfriend right?" " Mark, come back to bed, Its too late for this shit." "I'm going home. I cant be with you tonight." I couldn't, but this isn't the first time. I always come back the next day. Maybe today will be different. " come on baby, just come back. We'll talk about it tomorrow, It'll be ok." no it wont, I need a change from this. Josh got out of the bed and grabbed me around the waist. Always never fails, he knows me too well. I would've left if it was anybody, just not him. So I let him lead me back to the bed. We go back to our sleeping position, me on my side and him spooning me from behind, his hand on my heart. I remember before falling asleep, wishing that he would change. Wishing that he would see that he' hurting me. I awoke the next morning away from josh. He was on one side of the bed and I was on the other. Me and him ALWAYS wake up together. He's was mine like this, I was the only person to see him sleeping. the others he fucked around with left, they always do. After the sex they have no use for him. But I will always be here for him, always. I got out of the bed slowly, so I wouldn't wake him. After last night I didn' t want to talk to him for a while. "morning babe." I love the way his eyes look in the morning. The sun reflecting in his blue eyes. Last night was forgotten, how could I be mad . " I gotta go." "No. why?" he yawned." "you're staying with me today." " sorry, but we have a test Wednesday. And if I don't study neither one of up pass." that was a lie. I already knew everything. But I couldn't be with him today, I need time to think. " well we can just fail then. Your all mine today." he smiled. " no we cant. you have basketball and my parents would kill me." I pulled up my boxers and pants. " I wouldn't let them kill you. No ones ever gonna hurt as long as I'm around." and that wasn't true. He's hurt me more than ANYBODY. When your young you say, `I would never stay with a boy who couldn't get his shit together.' or ` I would NEVER cry over a man`. I wish I could go back to being that way. I wish I could be innocent and naive. I wish... " whatever..." I pulled my shirt on and walked over to the door. " don't I get a goodbye kiss?" " no I don't kiss my best friend..." I really should leave now, before I start again. No matter how many times we have this conversation and ones like it, he never cares. " What? Since when?" always a joke, everything's always funny. " bye josh. I'll call you later." " so no goodbye kiss then." he faked a frown, and I couldn't resist. I just couldn't stay mad at him. I walked back to the bed and pecked him on the cheek. " you call that a kiss." he said grabbing my ass and pulling me down to the bed. He tried to kiss me but I pulled back. " come on, don't deny me." I need to leave now. If I stay with him then I'll forget. Forget what fuck up he did, forget he hurt me. I don't want to forget anymore. " Josh stop. shouldn't you be running or something." " no babe my workouts right here." enough, I cant stay. I wont try to talk to him I'll just leave. I wont let him do it again. " I'll call you later. Good bye josh." " I'll tell you." " Forget it." so now he wants to talk. He threw his feet over the side of the bed, pulling his boxers on. " NO! if your gonna be such a fuckin' bitch about it." bitch... " BITCH? Ok so its ok for you to call me that. But when I call your whores anything you go crazy. Yet its ok for you to call me that?" " well, its how your acting. Always talking about the bad in every god damn thing. Always wanting more than what we already have." " what!?" we both knew what that meant. I want him to be my boyfriend, not my best friend. I couldn't believe him. " dude...fuck you, just-" the words caught in my throat. Why do I even try, he' s hopeless. We should just be friends, its what he wants after all. I opened the door and walked out. " wait! I'm sorry. You know how I am in the morning." `you know how I am in the morning?' that's all he can say? " good bye..." I ran to the frony door. I just had to get out of there. I couldn 't stay there any longer. I was going to break like a fucking cookie. As soon as I walked into the door I called Johnny. I needed someone to talk to and he always listened. Josh and Johnny are kinda friends now, well as close as they're gonna get... After the argument we had about a year back, they some how bonded. So josh wouldn't be mad if I talked to him. Plus Johnny's over me. " why the hell are you calling me this early?" he yawned over the phone. " I need some one to talk to. Can you come over." like the emo I am, I was about to cry. But I love him. " what's wrong. And you better not say josh." he knows me too well. " I don't want to talk about it over the phone. Can you come over please" I wanted Johnny here with me. I don't feel right having conversations like this over the phone. " I cant but, my cars off limits remember." yea I remember. He got in trouble at school AGAIN so his parents took his driving privileges. " but you can come over here." that would be better, that way I wouldn't have josh banging down my door cause he sees a car in my drive way. " yea I just need to shower and stuff. Lader." " Ok but hurry. You got me all worried. Hurry up." I hung up the phone and went straight to the bathroom, as soon as I stepped in the warm water I slid to the floor and cried. I cant believe him. He fucks everything in site- no this is getting old. The same thing every time, it has to change. If I want to be with him, then I need to make him see. Make him see what he does to me. When I got to my room I fell back on my bed and just stared at the ceiling for like ever. I don't know why its suddenly becomes so fascinating when you feel like shit. I needed to leave before he comes over. He waits til he thinks I 'm calm, then he shows up and I jump into his arms. ` I cant keep doing this' I said to myself. I dressed and ran out to my car. I needed to talk to Johnny. He would make me feel better. He always does. He answered the door on the first knock. He's the most dependable person that I know. Whenever I need him, he's there for me. He never gets tired of me bitching. Why? He pulled me into the door and hugged me tight. I let my body go, fell into his warm body. Maybe if I sleep with him josh would stop. Maybe he would see that I was for real. " what happened? What did he do this time?" he was always so caring towards me. Made me think, ` why did I choose josh over him?' but I already knew the answer. It's because I love him. " same thing as last time." he sat me down on the couch holding my hand. " I don't know why you put up with his shit." he growled in frustration. " you know I love him." " does he love you? Think about it. He is the biggest player, Its like you're his main hoe and the others are just for kicks." he had a weird way of putting things, but it did make sense. Does he love me? " I'm tired. Can we not talk about it now?" I didn't want to talk about it, I didn't want to think about it. Maybe tomorrow will be different. " you stayed up all night thinking about this?" should I tell him why I was so tired. I was emotionally drained plus josh was horny as usual. So... " josh kept me up-" " please tell me you didn't." he looked me in the eye. His green eyes begging me to say I didn't have sex with josh. But I couldn't. I hate lying, especially to some one so close. " I wanted to. I always feel good when we have sex." its true, I know that at the moment when me and josh are fucking he's thinking of me and me alone. We' re in our own world, where it's really just me and him. He's not worried about basketball or girls. Just me. " But you shouldn't do it to keep him. Your better than that babe..." he cant call me that. It feels weird when some one says it and they aren't josh. And I so don't do it just to keep him. I do it cause I love him and I love being with him. " I'm still sleepy." changing the subject. " Go to sleep then. I wont try anything. Promise." He smiled, his green eyes shining. He was beautiful, but he wasn't josh. "Wait I have to get home." I rolled my eyes remembering that I had to cut the grass. " ok, I'm going with you then." he gripped my hand a little harder. " I don' t want you to be alone. "ok then lets go." I'm really happy that I have a friend like Johnny. On the ride back to my house we were arguing the entire time. He wanted to listen to Linkin Park but I wanted taking back Sunday. We were laughing the entire time... When we finally got to my house he went straight to the garage and pulled out my lawn mower. " its cool I can do it." I didn't ask him to come over to do my house work. Even though I HATE cutting the grass. I'd rather burn it all. " your tired, I'll handle it. Plus I just got these I need to break em in." he smiled talking about his shoes. They were black and white chucks and for some reason he wanted them to be dirty. Does he know how hard it is to get grass stains out. " ONLY PREPS WERE EM CLEAN!" weird that boy. " ok ok. but if you ask me they look fine the way they are." " well that's why I didn't ask you." he smiled. " go to bed NOW!" he pointed to my front door. " thanks Johnny." " no problemo" he took off his shirt... wow. Like mega wow. I have never really seen Johnny without a shirt on. He had both his nipple pierced and a happy trail. I wanna find out where it leads. Either I'm extremely horny or Johnny is damn hot. " I said go. What the hell are you looking at?" he looked down at his nipple piercing and smiled. " you like it, huh? I just got em done. ARENT THEY COOL!!!!" " yea, hot." I wanted Johnny like bad. I wanted to be with him so I could forget that my heart was broken into a million pieces. I wanted him to make me feel better if only just a little while. " don't, I know what your doing. When me and you finally get together it wont be like this. I wont be your rebound." he said seriously the light from the sun hit his green eyes, it made them look unreal. Like something from a fantasy. " just got to sleep. I'll be done in thirty tops." he smiled. I love his smile. I went into my house and to my room. I collapsed on my bed staring at the ceiling yet again. How could I do that to him? Knowing how he felt-feels for me. I 'll apologize when he finishes. I tried to sleep but I couldn't. I was so use to josh holding me that it was hard to sleep without him. I felt alone, so alone. Me and josh almost always slept together, not in a sexual way. Just being in the same bed. It's why I couldn't leave him last night. I needed his arms around me. " Don't think about him I bet he ain't thinking about you." why did he have to say that. I turned on my side away from him, so he wouldn't see my cry. I want josh. I need josh, what was I thinking. I cant leave him, he is my life. If josh wasn't in it I'd die. Yea our relationship is pretty screwed but it's our relationship. " I need to see him Johnny-" " No you don't." he spoke softly into my ear crawling into bed behind me wrapping his arms around me. His chest against my back, his breath against my neck. Not another word was spoken. If I had any doubts about josh they were forgotten. I'll let him worry, he can come back to me. If I didn't have Johnny I don't know what I would do. He was like josh, but different. He is my best friend. I fell asleep, forgetting anything and everything that didn't include Johnny holding me. I didn't even hear my bedroom door fly open and josh run in. " WHAT THE FUCK!!! GET OFF MY BOYFRIEND!!" Josh yelled right before he.... A/N Chapter 4, so did you like the ending ^_^ . Feedback is what keeps a writer going so if you like it PLEASE aim or e-mail me Nel114@aol.com . If you like this one Check out my other story anybody just not him, in the high school section. SARAH RULES!! And I'm thinking about a third story what do you say.