Date: Sat, 3 Sep 2005 05:47:52 EDT
From: NEL114@aol.com
Subject: he was my bestfriend 6

You guys know the drill, don't get caught reading if your not old enough or
its illegal.
If u like it tell me. NEL114@aol.com. The fire cannot burn me so if you
absolutely feel the need to flame me, do it all you want I'm immune. ENJOY!!


Chapter 6: a new beginning

The car ride was weird. Very, VERY weird. I was in the front passenger, josh
was driving and Johnny was in the back. It was quiet, none of us knew what to
say. I mean, me and josh just had the literal fight of our life. I played with
Johnnies feelings, but he was still behind me...he always is, no matter how
indecisive I am about him and josh. I know that he still has feelings for me and
I also know that I cant leave josh. But if there was no josh there would be no
doubt in my mind about me and Johnny. But there is a josh, and I love him. If
there was no josh there would be no me, so I guess me and Johnny just aren't
meant to be...

" ok this is creepy." Johnny scooted his upper body to the front of the car.
" Come on say something!"

" not now, ok Johnny?" I turned to face him. "sometimes silence is good." I
held his gaze for a while.

" not always." he said barely above a whisper. I cant do this to him, there
is obviously something between us. Something big, something that cannot be
ignored any longer. It's destroying us. I care about his friendship too much, too
much for it to be destroyed by this. This? What is this exactly? Him watching
josh and me being happy then as soon as we get into a fight, me running to him.

"okay. I want pizza what about you two?" Josh asked, I guess he felt that too.

" pizzas good." I replied, sill looking at Johnny.

I guess we were quiet for too long. I guess we were staring at each other too
long. " so Johnny do you agree? Pizza right?" Johnny didn't answer for a
while.

" yea...whatever." I need to talk to him, I cant stand when he's like this.
when his smile isn't there, when his eyes don't have that spark. The one that
says `I'm enjoying life' I miss Johnny, I hate it when he's like this.

"ok then were there." he parked the car at some pizza place. It looked
familiar, yea I think I've been here.

" do you remember this place?" josh asked with a weird  half smile.

"yea, for some reason I think I do. I just don't know where I remember it
from." I stared at the building a little longer but I still couldn't remember.

" looks like you forgot." he reached over and grabbed my hand. " this is the
place we came right after our first time." he looked over, his smile not so
half anymore. It was my smile, the one he only gave me. His eyes only looked
that way when he looked at me. An odd mix of blue green. Sometimes they were
green, sometimes blue. But when we are together they're this odd mix. One of the
many ways I know he still cares.

"um...I thought we were getting food?" Johnny...I forgot he was there.

" yea we are. Come on."  josh said, still staring into my eyes. " you ready?"

" yea, lets go." I looked back at Johnny, he had his hands in his pocket. `he'
s nervous or something. anxious maybe?' he plays with things when he gets in
certain moods, probably a paper clip or something. " come on."

As soon as we got out the car josh was all over me. Typical, so fucking
horny. Not that I mind it. But, ALL THE TIME? And right in front of Johnny at that.
" Josh, calm down."

" but I want you now." he whined, practically raping me in the parking lot.

" god, you two are sick." I heard Johnny laughing. "could you at lease wait
til you got to the bathroom?" he's back to normal, or whatever he calls it.

"shut up! Its not me! its him, see?!" I pointed at Josh, who had his hands
firmly placed on my ass.

" like you're trying to stop me." he gripped my butt harder. We were all
laughing.  And I thought today would be a complete disaster.

" so are we going to go in, or just mess around in the parking lot?" Johnny
asked.

" yeah we are, Come on." I grabbed Johnny by his shirt and pulled him to the
restaurant, Josh close behind.

When we walked in there was this little Barbie looking bitch. Johnny
immediately started laughing, knowing how I feel about those THINGS. But josh was
different. I was used to him flirting with them. Right in my fucking face,
pretending I wasn't there. And they would ask who I was...what did he say? " oh this
is my friend.' and god there's more ` just a friend of mine, some one I talk
to sometimes.' that's how he would treat me...just some one, someTHING. I didn'
t mean shit to him, not a damn thing.

"hey, he said he changed." Johnny whispered in my ear. " and if he doesn't,
ill break his pretty little face again." I leaned back against him, I didn't
even want to look at Josh, I couldn't. too many memories, all the stupid Barbie
looking bitches. But he had me, HE HAD ME! Why wasn't I enough for him...and
how could he change so much in ONE frikin day.

So I decide to look back at my boyfriend and the host. He wasn't flirting,
but hell if that stopped her. I could be bold and just kiss him right in front
of her. That would stop her, but that was too...I don't know, I guess its just
not me.


" ok the tables ready-" Josh yelled behind him. But he stopped, I guess my
emotions really do show on my face. He put his index finger at the Barbie bitch
and came back to me.

" don't. ok don't. I'm with you now. For real this time." he took my hands
in his own. " baby your all I need, she means nothing to me." he paused knowing
what he just said. " she means nothing to me." not the first time I've heard
that. He used to tell me that all the time, tell me that he loved me and they
were just a one time thing. "that didn't come out right, but you know what I
mean, right?"

I felt Johnny move away and josh hugging me. Wrapping is arms around me
tight, but not tight enough to knock out my air...he didn't mean to, it was an
accident...goldsmith!

" Josh I'm sorry. I don't know what's wrong with me." I cried softly on his
shoulder.

"nothing. Its not you babe, its me. I've been a dick. A complete ass, I know.
I put you through so much and I promise." he paused " I'm different, I didn'
t realize how bad I was. I was just scared."

" damn." wow, where did that come from. " I don't-I think I need to go to the
bathroom."
I pulled myself away from the embrace, from josh.

" um ok, just look for us." Johnny looked angry, but smiled anyway.

" ok ok, I pinky swear I wont hurt your little boyfriend." he put out his
pinky but couldn't keep it in any longer, he burst out laughing. He thinks pinky
promises are stupid, and teases me cause I like to do them.

" shut up!" I chuckled, drying my face with my jacket sleeves.

"that's right Johnny, I think I owe you for this." Josh said pointing to his
face.

" no prep. You've been asking for it for a while now!" Johnny still was still
smiling but it was different.

" Look you two wont embarrass me tonight!" I said pointing my finger at them.

" what!? Us, Embarrass YOU?" josh asked, knowing full and well what I was
talking about.

"yea, like what he said." Johnny said with a disgusting valley girl accent. I
knew what they were trying to do, and it was working. Make me laugh so I wont
be so sad, they do it a lot. I wonder, ` do I annoy them? I mean I seem to be
crying or depressive a lot.'

" COME ON!! I'm hungry!" Johnny whined. I smiled, I don't want to be sad all
the time. If Josh can change so can I...

"oh yeah! table right?" Josh asked a loud.

We walked to the table, they sat down but I went to the bathroom. I haven't
gone all day and I'm sure that I have to go. I opened the door and looked
around, making sure it looked okay enough for me to use it. I really don't like
public bathrooms, if its not yours how do you know if they even clean it? Weird I
know, but I cant help it.if my dick falls off cause I used a bad stall then I
would be pissed. So, in my book: ` I'd rather be safe than sorry.'

I walked to the stall and unzipped my pants, stood there for a while but
nothing happened. I guess I don't have to go. I wear tight pants like A LOT, so I
guess they cut off SOME of the feeling down there. But then again I do hold it
a lot. I went over to the sinks and looked in the mirror. You could see red
marks on my neck from where...where it happened, but my jacket covered them if I
wore it a certain way.

I washed my hands for a while, mechanically rubbing them together not really
paying attention. I was thinking, but I cant exactly say what it was about, I
know what I was think about: Josh of course, but other than that I don't know.
I was thinking of what happened a few minutes ago...she was just one girl and
he wasn't even flirting. So why did I act so-so stupid. Am I gonna cry every
time I see him talking to some Barbie doll?
I should trust him more, but damn we have a past. A very interesting one at
that. I ran my hands under the water one last time before drying them off.



I sat down at the table where Josh and Johnny was sitting.  They weren't
arguing and the weren't fighting so I shouldn't be worried right? It looked like
they were in some deep discussion, I wonder what about? Johnny is probably
just doing the brotherly " if you hurt him, I'll kill you!"

"so am Interrupting anything important?"

" um NO! of course not." josh said a little too quickly

"uh...just stuff, ya know." weird, I know it had to do with me.

" come on! I'll beat it out of you!"

" ooo, was that a threat EMO! I am so scared." he paused smiling "Are you
gonna cry in my ear all day til I tell you our little secret?"

" that was so not funny." I smiled back.  " And just for that."  I turned to
Josh. "were listening to my CD's on the way back." he stuck my tongue out at
Johnny, he tried to grab it but I pulled it back.

"HEY! don't mess with that!" Josh yelled.

"dude, have you ever heard of T.M.I? God, I didn't need to know that." he
balled up a napkin and threw it at Josh. "your sweet and innocent right?"

" you know it." I replied grinning.

"good, I don't care if it ain't true. As long as I heard from your mouth- um
whatever. so what do they have here?" he picked up a menu and covered his
face. Josh and I started to laugh.

 I sat down next to josh, Johnny was on the opposite side. " I want you bad."
Josh whispered in my ear. His breath going over m ear ALWAYS turned me on,
even if we're in public. I was so horny when he did that.

" you'll have to wait til later." I responded, although my voice and
breathing gave away a completely different opinion.

"says who?" he started rubbing above my knee slowly, PAINFULLY making his way
up to my crotch. And when he got there he STOPPED. " your right, I think we
should wait til later."

My eyes were still closed, and my boner obvious. "I so hate you right now."

"I love you too." he kissed me softly on the lips.

"Aww, how disgusting." Johnny teased.

" yea I know!" Josh kissed me harder. He was making me horny, very horny. I
was his and he knew it. If he wanted me right now I wouldn't have said no. that'
s how strong my need for him was, not just fucking but needing him. I love
him, couldn't see living with out him. But then there's Johnny, I know I feel
for him and he knows it too. He's my closest friend besides Josh of course. We
have a weird relationship, a very weird one. When me and josh fight I can tell
that he wants to tell me to forget josh and to stay with him. But why? He's
seen me at my most vulnerable, weakest moments and he has never once taken
advantage of me. Its usually the other way around, but he always says no...why? He'
s what I want...what I want Josh to be. Or is he? Is Johnny really what I want?
But I love Josh...

I felt Josh pull me closer to him, his body on mine makes me forget. Forget
anything that isn't about me and him.

" hello my name is Seth and I'll be your server for tonight." so that's why
he suddenly felt the need to have me close. His jealousy can be a bitch
sometimes but others its pretty funny.

" Hello Seth." I said cheerfully. Johnny of course found this to be
hilarious. Josh on the other hand was acting like a brat.

" hi...." Seth replied.

"Mark." Josh shouldn't be jealous. This Seth guy was everything I don't find
attractive. First of all he was the cliché blonde hair blue eyes , eww!
Second he was way tall and third he wasn't josh.

"so Mark, what can I get ya." he was obviously flirting with me the way the
words rolled off his tongue and the intensity of his gaze. Johnny had his face
down on the table and josh kept kicking me from under the table.

" three waters, we aren't ready yet." Josh said rudely.

"Josh, he's already here just order." I leaned back into him to let him know
I wasn't for real.

" one large pepperoni and cokes." he glared at the waiter. " and Seth. This
ones mine." Josh smiled smugly.

"come'n right up." Seth returned the smile ignoring the last thing Josh said
and headed back to some door.

"that was funny ass hell. Dude you really need to work on your temper."
Johnny laughed.

" I don't have a temper. He was fucking hittin on him right in front of me.
What was I supposed to do." Josh fumed while Johnny laughed harder. " I mean
how could he not know I'm his boyfriend. LOOK! Who holds his `friend' like
this?" I would've found it funny but...it was too real. Josh use to hold me like
this all the time, all the fucking time. But we were still just `friends' and
he flirted with people right in my face. So why should he be all pissed? Wait...I
need to let go of all the stuff. He's different, WE'RE different. If me and
him are gonna work for real this time, I need to forget the past. Forget and
start over new.

" about that...we all need to talk, and I think I you both know what I mean."
said Johnny. No, I don't want to talk. I want to forget, forget what happened
today because of me.

"Johnny we don't have to. Its in the past now." Josh was silent.

"Josh? Anything you would like to talk about?" Johnny directed his attention
to Josh.

"...drop it." he said in a agitated voice.
" Johnny-" I don't want this to end in an argument. I'm tired of fighting,
tired of yelling and saying things we'll apologize for later.

" no." he said sternly " today happened, and I don't want to see you hurt
again."

" he wont get hurt." weird they can be the best of friends one minute then
enemies the next. I guess me and Josh weren't the only one with complicated
relationships.

" not here. Well talk when we get back to my house." I looked at Josh and
Johnny. "okay?"

I thought I could avoid this. I thought-I thought it was finally my turn. Me
and josh are ok. I think he really has changed, he's not yelling at Johnny.
And what about Johnny? Why does he want to talk about this so much. I know he
cares and is probably tired of me complaining to him about Josh.  But does he
want something else...

Josh grabbed my hand. " lets go then." we nodded are agreement, and we were
back in the car. The same way we came. Silent, and awkward.

A/N

Here's chapter 6. Is mark having second thoughts about his relationship with
josh. A lot of you have e-mailed me about "Johnny's chance."  its coming, I don
't know how long it'll take but it will come. This chapter was out about a
week late, yes I know. Its that dumb thing called skool >_