Date: Sat, 15 Oct 2005 21:52:22 -0400 From: S N Subject: Heavens_Just_A_Sin_Away, Chapter 22 Disclaimer: This is a FICTIONAL story describing the love triangle of a teenage boy. If you are not over 18 years of age, or if you find this type of story offensive, or viewing this material is illegal where you are, then refrain from reading it. The story consists of lust, passion, teenage romance, interracial, love and all the rest of the good stuff in that order... Prepare for sin Chapter 22: His Mother Is A Porkchop /~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~////~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~////~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~////~~~~~ In the background Veronica, Sampson's mother, had a song playing. It was low. The tune was Erykah Badu's song. Lets make a few facts clear. I do not listen to Erykah Badu. I am not a fan of that genre of music or that genre of woman. Erykah (she really spelled it like that) was a spiritual artist or so she claimed. The song that was playing now was weird. It was called "Bag Lady". In the song, she went on about a Bag Lady. She warns the bag lady to "Pack light" because the bags are heavy and she might miss her bus. Who sings a whole song about a Bag Lady? Maybe it was a metaphor. Through the silence of talk I waited for that moment of revelation in the song The moment never came. The mystery of the song died with Ohs and Ahs. It was the weirdest experience that I had with a song. It was like being hooked onto a pulley. It was like the ropes being fastened to your side and everything, but just when you were ready to be pulled up nothing happened. You are probably waiting for a point to this, right? I didn't get my point in "Bag Lady". I realized that Erykah Badu must have had a true reason to her song. True justifications are pointless. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~///~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "So Holden is dead?" I asked. "Yes." "So the person I saw at the diner party was just impersonating Holden?" "Yes." "So the person who is impersonating Holden is the third brother, Zion?" "Yes." "If you guys were trying to make me look completely idiotic," I commented, "Then you both have passed with flying colors." I needed a seat. I couldn't wait to get to the couch though. I just sat there on her floor. Shit, it was clean enough. Sampson's mother, Veronica was just looking a little uneasy. I didn't know why until I looked over and saw Sampson. He was angry. His stare was disgruntled in abhorrence. "Fuck Zion. Fuck his money and fuck being here with you," Sampson exclaimed loudly. He got up and walked across the room. I gave him a weird look as he stormed past me and started walking out. I looked back at Veronica. She was reaching out as though wanting to call him but then knowing he wouldn't turn back. I couldn't believe she had been so horrible. I got up to follow behind Sampson. He was definitely walking fast and I wondered if in his anger he would actually leave me out here. "Wait," Sampson's mother called as I was leaving. I turned around, looking at her dead in her eyes, "Yes?" "Can you talk to him?" she asked me, her eyes full of hopes, "Can you make him understand how much I want him to forgive me?" I snickered and shook my head, "No " "Why not?' "Well, for one I don't know how much you want him back," I explained. She hugged herself. I could see her loneliness. I could read her emotions, but I couldn't really feel them. I couldn't feel them because I couldn't relate to her judgments. She abandoned her two sons because they were gay? I could never have done anything like that. My sons would have to be like the Menendez brothers before I abandoned them. She looked like a beautiful person, but innocent-looking people were among some of the most evil people in the world and that was a fact. They just got away with it a lot more. She had tears in her eyes, "What I did was really bad wasn't it?" No bitch, it was good. What a dumb ass question "In life, there are mashed potatoes and there are porkchops," I tried to explain, "Mashed potatoes are soft, warm and don't really call for too much attention. Porkchops are tasty, fulfilling and hard." "What's your point?" "Let me finish," I silenced her, letting her know I lost all respect for her, "You can save porkchops for later. You can put porkchops in a freezer. If you don't eat potatoes, they are wasted. Potatoes are a better choice. You don't recognize it until its too late. Sampson is a potato." Her face twisted in confusion, "Um ok " Shit! I forgot I was supposed to be following Sampson. I waved a goodbye to the lady. Truthfully, she didn't even deserve that. For Sampson to get mad at someone it took a lot. I was just happy that Sampson was able to stand up to her and let her know how he was feeling. I guessed he was taking a few notes off of me. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~///~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~///~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I walked down the long terrace to see Sampson already in the driver's seat waiting for me. His face hadn't changed. He didn't even acknowledge me when I walked inside of the car. He just stared out forward as though looking out into nothingness. I felt like I should say something, but my lips couldn't form words. I realized the silence seemed a little too weird. I didn't want to go back to the cabin with Lamont and Byron asking why Sampson and I were acting funny. I still didn't regret bringing Sampson. Even though he didn't want to see his mother, I would have never knew they had bad history if I hadn't brought him to see her. "Sampson. Are you mad at me?" I finally asked. He didn't reply. His eyes looked like he was concentrating on the road and he just kept going with this pissed off expression. As we made our way back, the streets were a little more crowded then they were before. More people were getting ready to go skiing. I realized that Sampson was driving to a halt as we came to this comfortable spot where we could see a couple of people heading down a mountain slope. He parked the car and turned off the engine. "Are you mad at me?" What the fuck was he talking about? I looked at him and shook my head, "Why would I be mad at you?" "I didn't tell you about Holden. I didn't tell you about Zion," Sampson explained, "I didn't tell you about why I was put up for adoption. Shit I didn't tell you about anything " "It's your business," I retorted as though I didn't want to know, "I just felt inadequate when you seemed to want to tell everyone except me." He got silent. Sampson's hands were tapping the wheel and he was staring at me. He seemed to want to get some stuff out of his head. He had to want to talk. Why else would he have stopped the car? His sensual attraction made me lock eyes with him as though we were connecting on a mental level. "That's not it," Sampson said, "I just felt like the less you knew about the situation with Zion, then the better things would be." Zion was his brother. Zion was third triplet. He was the one that I hadn't known about till we were at the mountains. It felt as though Sampson was a complete different person. There was so much I didn't know about his life. I'd never met someone with so many secrets. I began to wonder if I really knew Sampson at all "You can trust me," I explained and put a smile on my face, "I'm not going to put you up for adoption. We are stuck together." He gave a courtesy laugh. He looked like he wasn't too interested in joking around right now though. He looked so serious. I wanted to tickle him and make him lighten up or something, but I knew I would look retarded. "My mother put Holden and I up for adoption," Sampson said, "She found out we were gay from these family therapies we attended. Zion wasn't gay though. She kept Zion." Zion wasn't gay? Then why had he called me cute the first time I saw him "Now Zion is pretending to be Holden, huh?" "I didn't get that either," Sampson continued, "Holden was being looked at for being some kind of child prodigy back in the day. I guess Zion used it to his advantage. He probably used Holden's name to get into the Syndicate. Its not too far out of Zion's personality." "That's horrible " "I know, I can't stand the thought of Zion living off of Holden's accomplishments," Sampson continued, "Holden. He is my only real brother. We were triplets, but Holden and I were always different from Zion. We were so similar. I miss Holden. I really do " He looked emotional. Shit. I didn't understand that feeling. My parents had died and I was worried about trying to get into T-Boy's pants at the time. Death seemed to matter to me as much as what I as going to eat the next day. It just wasn't something I feared. It didn't worry me. It didn't bother me. Was that weird? "I'm sorry." I wasn't sorry about Holden being dead. He was probably in a better place. I was sorry that Sampson missed him so much. I put my hand on Sampson's hand. He clutched it. His hand fit so nicely in mine. We held it and it felt natural. It felt like they were meant to be cupping each other like they were doing. Feelings could lie though "He was special," Sampson reminisced, "That was why I got so mad when T-Boy blamed me for his death. I loved my brother. I can't let Zion pose as him." I turned my body in the seat to face Sampson. I held his hand tightly. "I'll help you," I promised. He looked at me for a moment before shaking my hand loose. It felt like he was trying to stop this invisible connection that we were sharing. It felt like he was failing though. It must have been the closeness of the car or the heat coming out from the engine. I just felt more motivated to be accommodating to Sampson. "Syn, no," he refused, starting the car again, "I don't want you to get involved any more then you are." He started to drive again. He didn't look disgruntled. He looked like he felt a lot better or gotten a few stuff off his chest. I didn't feel like that though. We weren't that far from the cabin and it seemed like he was making a dash for it before I said anything else about the subject. "Sampson, I'm your friend," I explained, "I bet you would let Shane help you if he wanted to " "You aren't Shane!" Sampson's outburst was weird. Sampson always had one of those weird outbursts when he was emotionally driven. I didn't know my wanting to help could cause such a sensitive reaction from him. "Whoa, Sampson. Slow you roll. I'm just trying to help 'you' out." "I'm sorry," he quickly apologized though seeming like he would have done it again, "I just don't want you to get involved. Zion is he's malicious." Wow. It was weird that Sampson could be so fond of one of his brothers, but then go as far as to call the other one malicious. I wondered if it was sibling rivalry. His mother had kept Zion and so the other two felt a little apprehensive about him. "I can be malicious too," I promised. I definitely could "No you're not," Sampson said, "Or in my eyes you aren't at least. I care about you Syn I don't want you to get hurt." It was so sweet. He was driving slow while trying to keep eye contact on me as well. I knew Sampson didn't want me to get hurt, but it just felt like an extra that he was saying it. I had even gotten a hard-on, just from him saying it! "I won't. I don't want to leave you either " I meant it. God knows I meant it so much. I must have been the hormones or my extreme want to be accommodating to him. I found myself being drawn in by the eye contact. He had smiled. His lips looked extremely soft. They looked like they were almost kissable. My head leaned forward to kiss them "Damn," Sampson suddenly said, swerving to miss a guy who was driving on the wrong side of the road. Immediately the connection was gone. Sampson had acted as though it had never happened and was driving again with his eyes on the road instead of on me. I was pissed. I knew Sampson would have let me kiss him. I wanted to kiss him. I wanted to kiss him and then let him know how I felt about him. "Fuck you!" I said, pulling down the window and cursing at the driver, "LEARN TO DRIVE! They should give an IQ test for driving! BITCHES!" I pulled my head back in the window and crossed my arms with Sampson giving me a stare, but a completely different one. I knew he was a little amused, but I was pissed. I had come so close to kissing him. It was one of those perfect moments to kiss. They didn't come that often, but there when they did come, it felt like it needed to be done. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~///~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~///~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ We got back to the cottage and snuck back into our separate beds to get that last hour of sleep before we'd have to really start the day. Lamont was still sleeping when I went back to the room. He was one of those guys that slept on their backs with one leg arched up which I found amazingly cute for some reason. It was almost like he was awake, but he wasn't. I went to my bed and rolled over. I couldn't really sleep. I just sat there thinking about the boy Zion. I guess a lot of the mystery from Sampson's past was officially gone. It all made sense even though it was weird. Sampson was one of three. I wondered if T-Boy knew about it. This was definitely something big. It explained a lot. It explained why everyone knew Holden was dead, even though I'd seen him. Sampson must have been real special. I had never met twins before Sampson, not to mention triplets. "Syn's asleep?" a voice said. I knew that the voice was Sampson's voice. "I don't know. I'll go check," said another voice. The other voice was that of Lamont. I could hear Lamont's footsteps as he approached me. He was such an idiot trying to be sneaky even though the floors in the cabin squeaked more then pigs in a slaughter. Lamont slowly approached and I got ready. "Hey!" I cried. I playfully grappled Lamont and tossed him. We both fell on the floor and rolled a couple times, but he was too surprised to even stop us from rolling. I stopped us and got leverage on him. I squatted over him, sitting hard on his chest and pinning him down. Lamont was laughing hard, "I guess that was a good morning?" I laughed too. Lamont definitely wanted to have fun. He was quiet, but I knew that he wasn't always so serious. I found myself being meaninglessly playful around him too. I guess it was just because our thoughts were somewhere around the same place. We were both at the stage of a friendship where we were past the introductions and on to the part where you just wanted to make the person feel really comfortable around you. It seemed to be working because Lamont seemed real happy. I pulled off of Lamont helping him up off the floor and before I knew it he grappled me. He threw me hard on the bed and pinned me on it in a counterattack. What the hell were we doing? It was way too early to be acting like idiots. Still I found myself laughing because Lamont was laughing. We were both a bunch of childish idiots. "I guess I should leave you two alone," I heard Sampson say. I laughed as Sampson actually left the room and closed the door. "What's wrong with him?" Lamont asked, with his smile fading. He got off of me and I just looked at the door at where Sampson had been standing. I had no idea what Lamont was talking about. I didn't see anything wrong with Sampson at all. "What do you mean?" "Didn't you see his face?" Lamont said, in an interested tone, "His expression looked like he was a little pissed off that I was grabbing you." I gave Lamont a strange look. I hadn't seen Sampson's expression. I didn't want to get my hopes high though. Sampson had been envious before when I was with T-Boy, but now Sampson had a boyfriend who he seemed to be paying all of his attention to. I wasn't in the picture. "He's not jealous." Lamont laughed as though realizing I was right, "If he was then it would be funny with all the things he does with Byron." I definitely agreed. "You want to wrestle some more or are we 'actually' going to ski?" He laughed, "Yeah skiing for sure. Oh. When I was buying your hot water pack, I picked you up these." He handed me these things. I wasn't sure what the hell they were. After careful study, I realized that they were athletic tights. They were these black things that looked like they were super-tight. I was amazed by it. I gave it the weirdest fucking look as Lamont held them up to me. "What? I'm not wearing that," I said. "Syn, come on," he explained, "Its not about fashion. These things help internalize your heat. They also give you a lot of flexibility." I sucked my teeth hard, "I'll wear my jeans." "To ski?" Lamont asked and I shrugged, "Come on. Everyone is wearing one. They aren't that tight." Ok maybe they weren't that tight, but they were still different from what I was used to. I took the thing away from Lamont. He definitely was a lot more talkative when it was just the two of us and he was also a lot more charming when it was just the two of us. I didn't know how he convinced me to do it, but here I was agreeing to wear them. "Ok, but when we get back to Brunswick," I said, "You wear everything I tell you to wear for a week." He laughed, "Sure, but that's in Brunswick. Right now, we need to worry about leaving for the slopes." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~///~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~///~~~~~~~~~~~~ My ski-suit was ugly. I had on big ass boots, tight ass pants with a heavy ass jacket and huge goggles to cover it all. Everything was big but my pants (which mattered). Of course Byron had to try to make his suit look like he trying to kick Tyra Banks off America's Next Top Model or something. It looked nice in a weird way. He was dressed like he was going for a photo shoot. Sampson seemed to love it though. Sampson and Byron were kissing one another on our way to the slope for probably the entire time. I felt so pissed looking at them. How long would I have to endure watching this? It was like they were having their honeymoon or something. It seemed like this weekend was all about how long they could make out. "Syn," Byron said, suddenly, almost happily, "Sampson and I tried your 'technique'. I think I am almost there. Just a little more loosening and I'll be ready." My stomach rotted. I gagged a little and looked at Lamont. He seemed like he had a little idea of what Byron was talking about, but he didn't seem too imaginative about it. Sampson, on the other hand, was completely aware. I watched him from the side mirror looking extremely embarrassed while trying to shut Byron up. "Byron, you want an award or something?" I asked. I was just pissed that they were still ATTEMPTING to have anal sex. Why did I have to be exposed to it? I couldn't even keep looking at Sampson. It just hurt so fucking much. Byron was cool, but what did Byron have that I didn't have? Sure he was dressed like an Abercrombie boy and kept himself pampered all the time. Sure he took good care of his nails and knew how to take care of his hair better then most guys. I still had more natural beauty. "No," Byron said and then added, "I thought since you are such close friends us, that you could help us with the issue." I wanted to bang my head on the glass. Why the hell couldn't he wait till we were in private to talk to me about it? Why was he talking about it with Lamont and Sampson here! I thought about it. He was trying to use psychology on me. He was trying to make me feel wanted. Maybe he wasn't really trying to be evil. "Um " I said thinking about answering him, "I am willing to help but right now isn't really the best " Byron interrupted quickly, "Well, Sampson asked me a question yesterday. I figured Syn might know the answer. Sampson ask the question " Sampson was blushing hard, "Syn won't know." "Baby, come on," Byron continued, with this pleading expression on, "Just ask. You'd be surprised. Syn is young, but he knows a lot." Sampson looked like he wanted to bang his head in his glass as well. He was staring at me for a moment. I knew how uncomfortable he was. I was fucking uncomfortable too. Byron seemed like he was having a ball. "I might not know." Byron quickly said, "Sure you will. The question was simple. How big is Sampson?" Lamont's eyes got huge and I actually hit my head up against the window. I tapped it, but I still hit it. This was crazy. Sampson buried his hands in his palms as though being completely humiliated. The craziness of Byron's words was just topped off by the fact that Byron was so comfortable talking about it. "I don't fucking know!" I replied, "How should I know? Shouldn't Sampson know?" "Well we don't got measuring tape," Byron explained, "I figured since you seen it " "Oh god," Sampson clearly moaned with discomfort. Lamont was just quiet. He reminded me a lot of Shane, only with a more disgusted than amused expression. I wasn't sure what Byron's motives were. I figured maybe he honestly wanted to know or then maybe he was just really trying to make me humiliated and resurrect the fact that I'd seen Sampson's penis. Maybe he was so self-conscious about his relationship that he had to keep bringing this up out of frustration. Wait no Byron wasn't smart enough to think about all this. Byron just seriously wanted to know. "Byron," I said, turning to him, "Let me explain this to you. We are not in a fucking brothel. I don't know how they did when you were an escort, but four guys don't sit in a car and discuss how big one of their boyfriend's dicks are." Byron nodded, understandingly, "Oh I see, I see so you think maybe 10 inches?" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~///~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~///~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~///~~~~~~~~~~~~~~///~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Luckily we didn't have to sit through much more of Byron's sex talk. I felt a little weird because the issue that Sampson and I had come a history (though not really physical) had been raised up again. Byron didn't seem to even notice he raised it. He was just sincerely thinking about how big Sampson's dick was. I figured that I had been given too many examples of what Byron and Sampson talked about or did in privacy. I also think that by now all Brunswick knew about the size of Sampson's dick and Byron probably was telling people on the mountain. We rode the high wires to the top of the mountain. When we got there, it looked beautiful. I looked at the slope for a moment. It was almost complete vertical drop. I bit my lip and looked at Lamont. He was the only one who didn't seem too worried. "Um you really are going down that thing?" I asked, a little worried. The mountain was steep. Where the fuck was the beginner's course? Lamont was the only one who said he enjoyed skiing. Byron said he used to ski, but just gave up (which seemed to be the same motto he used for giving up the Syndicate). Sampson and I were the two rookies who had no idea what we were doing. "Sure," Lamont said and turned to me with this heroic smile, "You scared for me?" I shook my head, "Just don't expect me to tell your mother why you're body parts are arranged alphabetically on the bottom of a mountain slope." "You know you're really scared for me," he said and laughed. I nodded. He knew that I was scared for him. Shit, I was scared for any dumb ass that was planning to go down that steep slope. I didn't even put on my skis. There was no way that I was even going to try to go down that shit. The guide kept saying that I should attempt because it wasn't that steep. I wasn't a walking dictionary, but I think Webster had this slope in mind when he defined steep. Sampson was also getting tips from the guide on skiing. The guide was telling him shit to do. I didn't even know why Sampson was listening. Why the fuck would you use this kind of steep for your first skiing attempt? Byron came over to me, "Syn, you are too grown to be punking out like this. Come down with us." "A Wha what?" I asked, even though dazed at his request, "I don't like this world too much, but I will stay on it to tell it how much I fucking hate it." I looked down at the hill. There was no fucking way. I walked back and paced trying to get the thoughts of the heights out of my head. The guide kept giving me tips. Remember to lean forward and remember the basic techniques. How could you remember the basic techniques while sprinting forward and trying to survive? "Why don't you just give it a try?" the guide asked, "Its not hard. I promise." "If you wanted me to go then you should of took me to the beginner's hill." "This is the beginner's hill." WHAT THE HELL KIND OF BEGINNER'S HILL IS THAT! This shit was unbelievable! I crossed my arms. If this was the beginner's hill then I definitely didn't want to see the real one. "Did Byron send you?" I asked the guide, "Tell his ass I'm not going. I am not going period. Plus, you not getting a tip if you keep dogging me about it." The guide walked away probably wanting the tip more then he wanted to see me risk my life. I looked at Byron from a distance. He was in his skis and still wanting me to go. I signaled to him "no" and just watched as he gave this little disappointed look. At that moment, Lamont came over to me. "Hey, you don't have to go if you don't want to," Lamont told me. I had already decided not to participate in this whole skiing thing. It felt nice that he supported me though. I guess he had the same thought that I had. If someone really didn't want to do something then there was no convincing him or her. If someone's mind was set on something then nothing could change it. "I know that much. Why don't you go ski for the both of us?" I asked and smiled. He laughed, "I'll think about you on my way down." He walked away and went back. I watched. I realized Sampson seemed to be hesitating about it as well. The guide was working on him, but he looked like he thought this was a steep ass beginner's hill as well. Byron was the first to actually go. I didn't even see when he left but I saw Sampson clapping for him steadily. I was happy when Byron left because I could finally get a few seconds without him trying to act like my father. It wasn't long before Sampson had completely given up. He took off his skis and came to sit next to me. Learning to ski was like learning to walk again. Some people weren't really interested in walking again. "Hey." "You aren't going?" I asked for him to confirm it. "Nah," Sampson answered, "I was trying to do it cause Byron wanted me to, but I really couldn't. I saw you sitting over here and it seemed a little easier to agree with you. Thank god you backed out first." Sampson was scared of looking like a wimp in front of his boyfriend. I could understand. Byron seemed like someone who always had to outshine the next person. He just seemed like perfectionist and he wanted all his friends to be perfectionists too so that we wouldn't look bad in front of the other skiers. Truthfully, I didn't give two shits about the other skiers. "You want to please Byron a lot don't you?" I asked. He looked a little embarrassed to admit it, "I dunno " I laughed, "Yeah you do, don't lie. Remember Byron talks to me about the little sex problems. I can tell you wouldn't go through all that if you didn't really want it to work out." "I guess," he said, smiling shyly, "Sorry about the whole size thing too." "You always apologize Sampson," I said and laughed, "Its cute, but not necessary. I would have answered if I weren't so embarrassed. You want the answer now?" We both laughed, curiously. I guess it was the irony of me sounding a little bit like Byron being so upfront with the sexuality. I guess this was different from Byron though. Even though Sampson didn't notice, it was my weak attempt at a flirt. "Amuse me " "It's big enough for Byron to do a lot of loosening," I joked and then added softly, "I also know " I stopped. I had my mind thinking about all kinds of stuff. I couldn't help it but I realized that I had to. Byron was my friend. He was a good friend of mine at that. He was my roommate. We were in the same house. I couldn't let Sampson come between our friendships even though I wanted Sampson for so long. "What is it?" Sampson quickly said, wanting me to finish my thought. I tapped my foot. Would it hurt to just finish? "I was saying that I know if you were having sex with me, I would have to brace myself," I muttered, softly as I could, "It would hurt but it would feel good in the end." He was silent. Our eyes connected. Maybe we weren't connecting though. Maybe it was just me overreacting or me hoping like I was in the car earlier. I was hoping for that kiss just like I was hoping for him to realize how much he was really turning me on. "Yeah, I guess it would feel good," he tensely added, "After a while " I breathed heavily, "But you aren't having sex with me now are you?" I wanted him to want me again. I wanted him to feel like I wanted him at least. I wondered if it had worked, but I couldn't tell. His words were a little flirtatious, but just because mines were before. It seemed like he was going along with me but that was it. "No," he answered, looking away, "I'm not." I felt a little discomforted. I felt like he just played me. Truthfully, I was disappointed. I didn't know what I expected though. Did I expect him to say how much he really wanted to have sex with me and be with me and leave his new boyfriend Byron for me? Why the fuck was I so special? When he wanted me, I wasn't available. Now that he wasn't available, I wanted him. He had the right to turn his head. I tried not to seem so disillusioned and thwarted by his denial of my advance, "Look Lamont is going to ski." I watched as Lamont took down the hill. He gave me a wink that made me giggle before he went. Lamont wasn't some sexual idol like T-Boy. He wasn't some polished Abercrombie boy like Byron. He wasn't the sturdy, protective Sampson either. Lamont had an attractiveness that was just different. It wasn't sexuality, refinement or defensiveness that made him an attractive person. I didn't put my finger on it, but it was there. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~///~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~///~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Lamont had a few people congratulating him on how well he skied when he came back up. He didn't really know how to take compliments. He just smiled and nodded. Most of the people thought he had an attitude and just left. There was this one girl, however. She was persistent. Lamont came over to me while she kept talking to him. I felt a little happy that Lamont was getting some attention from the ladies. I felt as though maybe he was getting a little better with being social. "Syn," he whispered, sitting next to me, "That girl, Lydia, she wants me to go have a drink with her now." I smiled. I looked over at the girl. She looked a little young, but I guess it was just how she looked. She had a real girlish charm to her. She wasn't ugly. She wasn't exactly my type either, but then I wasn't exactly the best judge on females. She wasn't that bad looking. Lamont had to start somewhere "That's great!" I said and smiled, "See, I keep telling you you got skills, boy, that you don't even know that you have." He looked reserved, "Yeah but can you come?" "Me?" I laughed, "You're funny. I am not going to come on a date with you, Lamont." I couldn't stop laughing. I turned to find Byron and Sampson. They were holding hands and whispering like no one else mattered. Shit maybe going with him on the date would be more fun then watching them too act like they were connected at the hip. All that kissing, but what was the point? Relationships seemed so futile. "Please," Lamont begged, sounding real desperately, "Its not even really a date. We're just going out for a couple of drinks." He sounded like he was real nervous. I figured it wouldn't be that bad to go. Maybe he was still too shy to be associating with people. Maybe he would open up to her more if I were there. "Cool, I'll go." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~///~~~~~~~~~~~~~~///~~~~~~~~~~~~~///~~~~~~~~~~ We left in the girl's car. She didn't seem to mind that I was tagging along. I didn't even tell Sampson and Byron that we were leaving. They didn't seem like they cared anyway. I was just hoping that going out would be a nice ending to the weekend since we were leaving early tomorrow. We arrived at some bar. It was packed with people our age. I was wondering where all of them had disappeared during the boring day. We sat at a three-way table, while I checked out our company. There was a guy at the bar that kept eyeing me and I let him know that I was definitely recognizing the stares "So Lydia, where you from?" I asked. "Me?" she said, "I'm from Syracuse, New York. My parents have some estate up here that I come to visit. You know it's so nice up here sometimes. The snow is great " She kept talking some other shit. She spoke way too fast. I guess she was nervous. It was funny. She was the talkative kind of nervous and Sampson was the quiet kind of nervous. It was perfect. They could be nervous together. I just had to give them a push in the right direction. I smiled and slyly suggested, "You know Lamont likes snow, too." Lamont was staring at his soda pop and he looked like he was trying to hide behind it or something. When I said his name, his head jerked in a reluctance to speak. Lydia had a smile on face. She probably believed me. Lamont stuttered, "I I do?" "Yeah, you do," I winked, hoping he would catch on, "Lydia and you seem to have a lot in common. Lydia what else do you like?" Lydia was getting a little too excited. She looked elated like Lamont was the best thing since toilet paper. She really believed me. Truth was I didn't know if Lamont liked the snow or not. It was just funny seeing her reaction thinking they had something in common. Lamont needed some help on this date anyway. "Uh I like horses. I like wildlife," she said, getting more excited each moment, "I like ZEUS!" Zeus. What the fuck? "Um ok," I said trying to stop from laughing, "Lamont loves Greek Mythology..." Lamont was looking at me as though I had just stabbed a fork in his kidneys. He was signaling for me to stop trying to hook him up with the girl, but I didn't. I mean; he needed to open his mind to people and stop being so afraid. "GREAT!" Lydia said, smiling and clapping like a little girl, "Lamont and me have so much in common. If he likes Zeus, he is cool with me. You know what I like about Zeus. He's a real man! He gave birth to his daughter from his cranium!" She was getting loud. A couple people had turned around. I gave her a weird look. Maybe Lamont was right. This girl was kind of on the weird side. She was so excited about talking about Zeus. "Oh, he did?" I said, trying not to duplicate Lamont's frightened expression. She was scaring me a little. "Yes he did!" Lydia said, standing up immediately, "Zeus rules over us all. He'll come back to replace these new gods called Jesus and Buddha! He will come again! He will come and get his revenge on all these non- believers. Praise ZEUS!" At that point, I couldn't help but putting on the frightened expression. A couple people in the bar were looking at our table. The guy at the bar looked at me like I had two heads. They were beginning to associate me with this crazy ass girl. "Syn " Lamont said, as though I didn't notice the girl was a little off. I ignored him. Lamont had to start somewhere. The girl was a little weird, but she really seemed to like him "You said you were from Syracuse?" I asked, hoping that she would change the subject and Lamont would get a little more interested in her. The girl sucked her teeth and whispered, "Yeah. It's nice there but they are sinners. Non-believers. Zeus will come again and make all of them pay. Their blood it will line the streets. Redrum redrum " What the fuck? "Why are you whispering?" I asked. "Shh," Lydia said, putting her hands on her head, "The government is listening to me. They found out about Zeus and they want to stop him. You want to know a secret?" Ok. She was just getting too weird. "Why don't you tell Lamont?" I said, getting up, "He loves this kind of stuff. I'll go use the bathroom and let you two get along for a while. Lamont growled a little, "I'll come too." "Aw," she said a little disappointed, "Lamont hurry back. I'll call my mother when you're away. She'll be so happy when she finds out that I finally found someone who I believes me!" Lamont sped off towards the bathroom and I followed behind laughing. That bitch was weird! It was hilarious because she seemed normal till that point. Lamont seemed like he'd been scared shitless. We made our little group trip to the powder room like girls or something. Lamont still looked scared and I was just laughing. Too much exposure to the snow and people got like that We got in the bathroom and Lamont stood behind the door as though Lydia would run in and try to abduct him or something. He was definitely taking the girl serious. I just found it weird, but not to the point I was scared. "Syn, that girl is nuts!" Lamont stated the obvious like I didn't notice. "No she's not," I tried to deny, "Give her a chance." I tried to say it straight but I couldn't keep a straight face. I started to laugh again at how Lamont's date had gone. I bet it was probably his first date and he looked like he probably didn't want to go on another one for a long time. "Real hilarious," Lamont panicked, "You are trying to set me up with a crazy girl!" "Hey at least she's cute," I said, trying hard to say something positive. "Nah, its ok. You gassed up her head. I don't worship Zeus! You probably got her thinking that we are the perfect match. She is calling her damn mother saying she met me!" I laughed again, "Lamont. Calm down." "Its not funny," Lamont stressed, "Syn, what am I going to do? I didn't really want to come here. I just went because you wanted me to socialize a little more." I felt bad. It was funny to see Lamont panicking because of his crazy date. He was just like a kid without any experience at all. I was kind of the one who told him to socialize more, so I did kind of feel bad about this. "Ok, its cool," I said, "Screw the Zeus chick, let's just leave." He smiled, "You serious?" "Hell yeah. You want to say bye to her or something?" I didn't wait for his answer before I ducked low and begun to sneak out of the bathroom. I knew we would have to walk, but the cabin wasn't too far away. I hoped it wasn't snowing outside though. I knew Lamont was behind me even though I didn't look back for him. We snuck past the bar. The bartender was still looking at me. He had this weird expression probably wondering why Lamont and I were sneaking. I signaled to him to turn away, but this idiot just kept looking at me. I couldn't help it, "Why the hell do you keep staring at me!" "Lamont hey Lamont!" we heard Lydia screaming from across the bar, probably noticing my voice. "Run!" Lamont shouted. I was gone before he had finished telling me it. My legs were quick underneath me and I ducked past the bar. Lamont was close behind. We ran out the back door of the bar into the cold and down an alley. We kept on running for a little bit just to make sure that we had enough distance. I turned back and saw that Lydia hadn't chased us. She was crazy but at least we were rid of her. It was dark outside, but I was almost certain no one was behind us. "Lamont, stop running," I said, laughing at how fast he was jetting, "Its over." He stopped and crouched in the snow to catch his breath. I leaned over him and relaxed. I was still laughing. That was definitely a weird experience. It wasn't exactly bad. I mean, at least I'd remember it. I rather a weird experience that I could remember then a normal experience that I would forget. "You having a lot of fun aren't you?" Lamont said, slipping a little smile himself. "If all your dates are like this, I want to always come," I jokingly demanded, getting off of him. We started walking. It was hard to see where we were going. There were lights, but not as many as we were used to in Brunswick. The lights were dim. We were walking side by side, but I figured Lamont knew where he was going. I hoped at least, because I couldn't even see anything. I was shivering. I hated the cold. Lamont seemed to notice it as he walked close to me and put his arm over me. It made me reminisce about when I first met Lamont. He used to be so nervous around me and now he was putting his arm around me without even being sure I wanted it. "That was really my first date," he said. His breath was warm. It smelled sweet like cinnamon probably from the ice tea drink at the bar. Lamont reminded me of Sampson a little because I did feel a little protected with him. I didn't need protection (hell I could protect myself), but it just felt good to know that it was there. Lamont was sweet "Yeah, I know it was," I said and laughed, "That was good practice though. There might be a couple other interesting girls out there that worship Zeus." He laughed and chocked my neck a little. My stomach turned. I had the feeling that I wanted to be closer to him. It was weird. Lamont? Why would I want to be close to him? Still I couldn't help it. "Don't tell anyone, but I am a virgin with girls," he said. "Yeah, I guess I knew that too " Lamont was cute but he had that whole virgin thing around him. He couldn't even talk to girls, not to mention actually having sex with one. I knew if Lamont was just a little talkative and dressed a little more modern, then he would probably be just as charming as T-Boy (which was saying a lot). "That's pitiful, huh?" he muttered. "Naw, its not," I answered. I found it kind of cute, "You are special." "Special?" Lamont said, acting pathetic, "I'm useless. Everyone says I'm attractive. Everyone says that, but why come I don't have a girlfriend? Why come I never even kissed a girl?" Lamont needed an ego boost. I knew the reason that Lamont hadn't been with a girl. Girls in Brunswick were shallow. They didn't care about if they were attracted to a guy. They cared about what other people would think when they saw them together. Guys like Big Rob were ugly, but had a lot of girlfriends just because he was popular. "Do you like any girls?" I asked, "In the school I mean " "Well, there was this girl one time. Her name was Mercedes. I saw her when I was visiting Brunswick, but when I moved her here she was gone." I shook my head. What did they see in that evil fucking bitch? I didn't even want to talk about her. The thought of her made me angry. I never actually wished death on anyone but Mercedes. "Um I'll find someone for you when we get to Brunswick," I promised, "Someone better then Mercedes." Lamont panicked. It was dark on the path and we were kind of walking slowly already, but he just started to walk a little more slowly. He definitely seemed nervous. "Um I dunno " "Why? A girlfriend is nice. You get to take care of her. You get to kiss her." "I don't even know how to kiss " I looked at him. He was serious and that was the weird thing. He had the perfect face. I couldn't imagine that no one had ever kissed it. His lips looked thoroughly handsome and his aura was perfection. He looked at me with his green eyes and I had a thought. "Maybe I can teach you how," I suggested. He looked at me with two heads. I started to walk a little bit and stopped looking at him. I didn't want to disturb the flow with the thought. We kept locking eyes. I knew he wasn't trying to tease me. Still, there was something about this mountain that made me want to be wanted. I wondered if it was really Sampson or maybe it was just the mountain in general. "How could you teach me? You mean---oh Ew " Ew? What the hell? What the hell kind of answer was that? I mean, he was straight but the thought wasn't anything that was 'Ew' provoking. "What?" I asked suddenly, "You think its gay? They did it in Cruel Intentions. Why the double standard? Guys can't practice kissing?" I knew how stupid I sounded, but I couldn't stop my mouth. I either really wanted to kiss Lamont or had been envious of Sampson's new relationship way too much. It seemed like I needed my own romance for the weekend even if it lasted for 5 seconds. "Well, neither of the Cruel Intentions girls were actually gay," Lamont hesitated, "You are " "Look I was just trying to help you out," I said defensively. "Thanks, but I don't need that kind of help." We were quiet walking back to the cabin. I felt a little stupid like I had just fucked up completely. I felt like maybe we could have that perfect kiss on the mountains. It didn't happen like that and Lamont was kind of acting nervous again. It was a different kind of nervous now. It seemed like he was kind of weary that I would try to hit on him or something. What the fuck was wrong with me for even coming onto him like that? We went to the cabin. It felt good getting back. I wanted to tell Byron and Sampson about the weird date thing, but then Lamont just walked in his room with an attitude. My mood plummeted when I saw the expression on his face when he went into the room. I fucked up ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~///~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~///~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~///~~~~~~~~~~ Sampson, Byron and I stayed up talking the night away. I was out of it. I kept thinking about how I had just got that strong urge to seduce Lamont out of nowhere. What was I fucking thinking? Sampson and Byron seemed to know that something happened between Lamont and I. They made sure to stay clear of any discussion of what happened when Lamont and I had gone out even though we talked about everything else (including more uncomfortable sex tips from yours truly). I looked at how Byron stared at Sampson. I wanted to be Byron so much. I missed the love. I guess maybe it had something to do with T-Boy. Maybe I missed the attention that T-Boy was giving me. I did miss my relationship a lot. Either way, I felt lonely. Byron had gone to sleep a little early, giving Sampson signals to probably join him. Sampson agreed and waited till Byron left the room. He then got up and went over to me. He sat next to me. He comfortably put his hand on my knee. "You ok, Syn?" he asked, probably further sensing my mood. "Why do you care?" I retorted, "Before I used to be one of you favorite people, but now it seems like Byron is all that fucking matters." I put my hand over my mouth. I had no idea where it came from. My thoughts were circling those ideas, but I hadn't exactly focused it to sound so cynical. It sounded as though I was attacking him. To my astonishment, he didn't get defensive, "Sorry. I know I haven't paid as much attention to you as I should have." "No, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to come at you like that." "You're right though. I guess I'm just a little scared," he acknowledged, silently grabbing onto my hand. "Scared of what?" "I was scared that maybe I would get too close to you," Sampson explained, "I don't really trust myself sometimes. You know what I mean?" I shrugged. No I don't know what you mean! I want you to get close! "Trust is overrated." It would have been the perfect time to kiss him. Not a big kiss. I just wanted to kiss him to let him know that I was interested. Sampson kind of looked like he was waiting. We both expected the kiss. I thought about it. We both understood that it was one of those moments. I could either make my move or back down I got up. He was still holding onto my hands. I felt a little tug. It was the slightest kind of tug that made me think that maybe he didn't want me to leave just yet. I knew if I kissed him, he would like it. Sampson would probably kiss me back. That wasn't the point. What would happen afterwards? Byron would be pissed. Sampson would regret it and so would I. "Goodnight," I said, really wanting to stay. He quickly said something, "Remember what I said earlier. I didn't mean to say it like that." I knew what he meant. He meant when I had tried to hint to him about being attracted to him. I had said noted that he wasn't having sex with me and he just accepted it. It was like he was no longer attracted to me at all. I guess it wasn't that big, but it seemed like a slap on the face to me. He probably looked back and realized that. It felt almost like he was 'trying' to hint to me that he wanted me to stay. He was trying to softly hint that he wanted me to kiss him. I nodded, "I see. I'm still going to have to say goodnight though." He didn't say anything. He looked kind of disappointed, but got up and walked to the room that he and Byron shared. I guess it was best. I didn't want to confuse anyone, especially myself. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~///~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~///~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~///~~~~~~~~~~~ 6:30 time to go back to Brunswick. We woke up early that day. There was extreme tension. Lamont seemed to be nervous around me again. He probably was more homophobic then he consciously knew. Sampson was awkward around me as well, probably from that whole blurry event that had happened the day before. Byron seemed the only one who was acting normally. We started to head back to Brunswick as soon as morning arrived. I thought, as we drove, about how confusing everything had just gotten between Sampson and I. I guess I found out that he still had feelings for me. No, I was sure that he still had feelings. He was the real discreet type and he didn't just come out to say it, but I knew he must have felt it. It was the little signs that made me feel that way. He had tried to make me stay when I was restraining myself from kissing him. He had apologized for not flirting back when I was flirting. They were little hints, but I knew they must have meant something. I looked back at the mountain. It was great that we were getting off of it. It was definitely an uncanny place to be at. I remembered the firecrackers that night. I remembered when I kept falling. I remembered Lydia. The mountain was a unique place. I would remember it but I would never come back. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~///~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~///~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~///~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ By the time we got to Brunswick I felt like shit. I had this feeling in my stomach. I kept trying to call the house in on my phone as we rolled in town to get T-Boy to pick up some stomach medicine. He didn't pick up the phone and it just made me more pissed. We rolled over towards my street. There were a lot of people. It looked like some kind of parade or something. Then I noticed their faces. It wasn't a parade. No one looked overly excited and happy. There was something weird happening. I remember getting out of the car My house was covered with people the street was full with cops there was an ambulance there. The people had weird looks they were afraid they were sad they were crying. "Sampson," I said, weakly, "My stomach doesn't feel so good." He didn't say anything back Sampson couldn't protect me now there was silence there was anxiety. Everyone's faces were full of distraught something had gone wrong something had gone terribly terribly wrong Tears were coming from my eyes I knew something had gone wrong I didn't know exactly what but I was sure that it was something. Sampson said something I wasn't sure what he said it was on the lines of, "Calm down" I couldn't though I didn't know what was going on "I'm sorry," Erica, told me as I passed by her and a couple other kids from the school. They were all standing there and crying. Abruptly there was T-Boy. He was standing there. Cops were surrounding him. They were questioning him. I was the first to go up to him. When I got to him, he wrapped his arms around me. He pulled me in close. T-Boy was crying. It had to be something big for big bad T-Boy to be tearing up. I knew something was wrong. "What's wrong?" I asked, faintly. "Mercedes here Yolanda kidnapped " "What?" I asked. What the fuck was he saying? Nothing made sense. Mercedes was back? Trash had come back! Yolanda was kidnapped? I wasn't even sure if I was connecting his words right. T-Boy was trying to talk, but the tears made his words slur. I couldn't understand any of them. What had gone down in this house in the one weekend that I was gone? If he really were saying Yolanda got kidnapped then it would explain why she wasn't anywhere to be seen. Then again, why were all these people here and crying? I doubted they all were crying because Yolanda was kidnapped. T-Boy didn't elaborate, but just added, "Shane he's dead."