Date: Tue, 13 Sep 2005 17:13:14 -0400
From: S N <sum1plezzcall_911@hotmail.com>
Subject: Heavens_Just_A_Sin_Away, Chapter 7

     Disclaimer: This is a FICTIONAL story describing the love triangle of a
teenage boy. If you are not over 18 years of age, or if you find this type
of story offensive, or viewing this material is illegal where you are, then
refrain from reading it. The story consists of lust, passion, teenage
romance, interracial, love and all the rest of the good stuff in that
order... Prepare for sin

Comments welcome to sum1plezzCall_911@hotmail.com

                         Chapter 7: SONGS IN 'A' MINOR

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I had been dreaming about water.  There was a lot of water.  It hadn't been
the first time I had a dream like that.  The dream had always made me real
nervous for some reason.  All I could see was water that formed sort of
like an unsteady wave.  I myself had tried to remain calm, but the rains
had just made my body shiver with unsteadiness.  I wasn't a water person.
The dream had flashing images of a boy that I didn't know.  All of a sudden
I felt his life.  It was almost like I felt the feelings he felt when
images of his life flashed before me.

Deep in the midst, he stared at me.  He reached for me. There was a sharp
feeling I felt.

My body squirmed almost like I was being sucked into a deep dark tunnel.  I
was being sucked and then there was a lot of water flashing in front of me
and I was calm again.  I eased slowly down as the pain started to decrease
and my sleep started to form over me again.

     I knew it was raining outside.  Even without opening my eyes and
without being in a full state of wake, I knew it was raining.  It was
probably why the dream felt so real.  I was sure of the rain because it had
been raining non-stop for a while now.  I could hear the soft droplets as I
tried to go back to sleep. Soft tender droplets

     The pain came again, rushing through my body. I could feel it in my
stomach and I could feel it deep down in my bowels. That pain couldn't be a
dream!

     "Shh, it's just me," the familiar voice said.

     I had opened my eyes and looked to see where the pain was coming from.
I was in my bedroom and on my bed.  I wasn't alone.  Sampson was on my
left. He was fast asleep, wrapped up in fetal position all to himself
probably because the room was so cold and the wide blanket had somehow
disappeared.

     The night before hadn't been a dream.  It had all been reality.  T-Boy
and Sampson had both kissed me.  They hadn't only kissed me but they had
sex with me, together. I wasn't sure if I was happy, damn sure not as happy
as yesterday. I was just so confused and this sudden pain wasn't

     "What are you doing?" I asked T-Boy, who was the familiar voice.

     I was waking up from my sleep to see what he was doing for myself.  I
was laying flat on my stomach and I noticed T-Boy on my right.  He was
laying on his side to face me. One of his hands was running down on my
shoulder, while the other hand was slowly digging into my ass.

     "You know what I'm doing."

      I noticed that he wasn't just playing with my ass like he did
yesterday.  This wasn't a tease.  This boy had somehow found the gall
overnight to lube up my ass with some lotion.  The crack of my ass was
moist and wet. The pain was formed because now he was slowly fingering me
with his middle finger.  His wet finger purged deep into my ass cheeks,
then pulled out roughly, then again returned with a thrusting motion.

     "Aw, shit!" I moaned, excitedly.

     "Shh," he said, whispered to me and seductively pulled closer to give
me a kiss of silence.

I noticed why he was hushing me.  Sampson was right beside us and he was
beginning to stir in his sleep uncomfortably like he was having a bad dream
or something.

T-Boy thrusts were getting harder though. I felt my dick getting so stiff
underneath my stomach that it was hard to keep lying down on my stomach.
T-Boy let his finger dip in my tight, extremely tight asshole and then pull
back.  I was enjoying it to a point where I was beginning to sweat and get
restless.  T-Boy realized my pleasure. I could tell he did and though in a
way I tried to hide it, he knew.  He started to play my sexual needs like a
game. He put his finger all the way in my ass and just left it there for a
couple of seconds.  Just when I had gotten used to it being there, he
wiggled it around and vibrated it.

"Ah, damn you don't know what you're doing to me," I complained, extremely
enthralled with his motions.

He licked my ear before he gently whispering into it, "I want you more. I
want you alone. You know what I mean. I've wanted that ass for so long."

I was really thinking about giving it to him, after all we been through
over the last years.  The jerking off sessions were fun (don't get me
wrong) but I always knew that we both wanted to go further.  Something
seemed to be holding him back before.  I figured now it was probably his
battle with his sexuality.  After having admitted having sex with me to
Shane and Sampson yesterday, I guess he admitted his sexual preferences to
himself as well.

"Sampson's right there."

I couldn't keep my eyes of Sampson. He looked so innocent, while he was
laying there, wrapped up in himself.  I had wondered why I didn't cuddle
closer to him last night. I regretted it because he was definitely looking
PERFECT to cuddle with now.

"He's asleep," T-Boy noted, as though I didn't realize.

"Yeah, but he's right here."

"Then we'll go in the bathroom."

I rolled my eyes at him.  The room was so dark that we would trip 1,000
times before getting to the bathroom. The last time him and I were naked in
a bathroom he was calling me a 'pervert' and accused me of planning the
incident that left us naked in the same shower.  The last thing he did was
want to remind me about the shower.

"T-Boy " I told him as though hoping he would have found some kind of
better sense.

"What?" he asked really confused on why I wasn't already bent over with him
fucking me, "Its not like he doesn't know you and I want to have sex. Its
not like you didn't see him yesterday.  He was envious.  He basically
jumped in on the two of us kissing."

I hadn't known that was what T-Boy was thinking when Sampson followed up
with a kiss right after T-Boy did. I didn't know T-Boy thought Sampson was
envious. It was an interesting thought

"Well, sort of, but it became the three of us when he did join," I
explained, trying to sound sensible, "Its almost since it was us 3, I just
don't want to make things awkward by excluding him. You know what I mean?"

"No. Not at all."

Truth was it was hard for me to explain as well.  I just didn't want to
have sex with him without Sampson.  How to tell him that? He looked pissed
off, yet his finger was still tickling around in the depths of my ass as
though still thinking there was a chance for me to fuck him. It was SO
fucking hard to say no, especially now that I was beginning to like the
feeling of something sticking my butt, especially something attached to
sexy ass T-Boy.

"I just would have a bad conscience. I mean it was nice with us 'three'. I
don't want to hurt that by just doing something with you so that he might
get jealous."

"He won't get jealous."

     "How do you know that?"

He paused.  I knew he was feeling uncomfortable all of a sudden as his
finger slowly slid out my ass, even though it was now comfortable set on
one of my ass cheeks as though it was his hand stool. I felt that last
pleasure point as he retrieved his finger with a pissed off face like it
was a gift that he was taking back.  I was two seconds putting my own
finger in my ass to make up from the void he left. Its crazy how I liked it
so quickly.

"Did you forget he has a girlfriend?" T-Boy whispered, "Its not like the
two of you have a commitment."

"Yeah, but you have that 'Thing', Sydney."

"Sydney is not my girlfriend."

"Well still, I have no commitment to either of you," I explained, trying to
get it across politely, "I just have respect. Maybe think, if you were in
his position. How would you feel if Sampson woke me up to have sex alone
after the three of us did something the night before?"

"Oh."

He suddenly seemed like it hit him.  His angry face seemed to fade away to
a little smile.  It was good that he understood my little temporary excuse
because for me, it wasn't near that simple.  I hadn't even 'begun' to think
about my feelings on this whole situation. He fell for it well though.

"Last night was it was crazy.  It was special," I told him, still trying to
get over the fact that it wasn't a dream.

"Yeah.  Crazy would be the word to describe it. Yet afterwards, I could
barely sleep. I just kept thinking about what is going to happen now. I'd
been trying to apologize for weeks and now that I did I feel relieved. Yet,
now why do I feel like what happened last night might just cause a lot more
emotions."

He didn't sound like he regretted what happened last night (at least from
my first impression) but then he did seem like he wished that it could have
went another way.  I agreed.

"I was thinking the same thing. I guess we're thinking alike."

"Thinking alike? Ha, never. Syn, you are just so different; not like anyone
that I've known."

I was different? What the hell could he mean? I paused.  What did he mean?
I didn't want to ask him even though I wondered.  I had other questions I
was trying to solve in my head.

What was going to happen? This was a serious.  T-Boy rolled over and went
back to sleep.  I just rolled on my back (hopefully to put out the fire
that T-Boy had worked up with his fingers) and tried to go back to sleep.


     I did happen to go back to sleep and the next time I woke up, I woke
up to no one being awake or moving around.  I had turned to look around the
room to see that it was completely empty.  I looked at the time.  The clock
had said 12:48.  However, it seemed almost impossible that the time was
correct.  My room was completely dark which meant that it still had to be
dark outside since my curtains were so thin.

     I climbed out of my bed and looked out the window.  It was kind of
murky, but I knew that it must have indeed been in the start of the
afternoon because people were busily walking outside even though the
weather wasn't so good.  Everyone was always so god damn busy in Bushwick
and they always he somewhere to go. I hated it.

     "Shit, its nasty outside," a voice said.

     I turned around to see Sampson.  I was naked and he was fully dressed.
It made me feel so weird that I actually grabbed at a plain white shirt
from my drawer and wrapped it around my waist.  It wasn't like he didn't
see me naked the night before, but it just seemed weird.

     "Yeah," I replied, trying to sound comfortable, "It isn't raining
though, but with all those rain clouds darkening the sky, I think a storm
is coming."

     "Hopefully not," Sampson explained and then added, "I got a fight on
Friday."

     "A fight?"

     "Boxing," Sampson said, "Its my first ever fight."

     I felt a little embarrassed that I hadn't known that.  Sampson had
snuck out the house a couple of times real early in the morning but I
figured he was just going to see Trash.  I didn't figure he was really
taking boxing lessons.  It made me worry because I felt like I hadn't known
him as well as I thought I did.

     "I love boxing," I said with a slight smile, "Damn, why didn't you
tell me? Can I come see it?"

     "I wanted to surprise you. I actually was going to ask you to come."

     It was nice. I really did like boxing. It was my favorite sport.
Sometimes I just watched football and basketball to see if they were going
to fight, but when I discovered how straight-forward boxing was, I decided
to become a full-time boxing fan.

     We both got quiet.  My lips were moving a little trying to make things
come out.  I didn't have much time to say something.  Sampson looked like
he was about to leave.  He had a white hood on with those snap-on pants and
Nikes.  He had a bandana around his short, soft hair.  His hands were
stuffed in his pockets and he was putting on this false ass look of
comfort. I knew it was fake. I was nervous but I knew Sampson was twice as
nervous as me.

     "What exactly happened last night?" I finally asked him.

     He bit on his lip.  It was almost like he had been expecting the
question but still had been hoping that I wouldn't ask it.  It seemed like
that, but I could never really understand exactly what Sampson was about. I
had wanted him so bad and now that I had him, I just wanted him to be
comfortable with what happened.

     "I dunno "

     What the hell did he mean that he didn't know?  My heart raced with
excitement.  It was irritating me that he was acting so hard to get.  He
couldn't be that nervous that he couldn't answer the question.  Did he want
me to chase him and admit all my feelings to him?

     "What do you mean you don't know?"

     "It just happened," he told me, "You're acting like I planned it. I
just kissed you. I believe you were the one who took it to another level."

     He didn't look mad at the fact that I did take it to another level,
but the fact that he sort of accused me of doing it made me seem like I was
chasing after him or that I had been the one to instigate all the events
last night.

     "Well, when T-Boy and I were doing something, you seemed so eager to
join "

     "You were looking at me the whole time. I didn't just want to leave."

     God. What were we doing? It seemed like we were just pointing the
blame at one another for what happened.  He was trying to make me feel as
though I was the one who had wanted him so badly last night.  Truthfully, I
did think that since he kissed me that he started it all but it was real
kiddy to keep going back and forth like we were doing.

     "Listen, lets just stop the front.  Fuck who started it. We both
wanted it.  Can we just agree that we both had an attraction to one
another?"

     I couldn't believe how mature I sounded.  It sounded like something
Dr.  Lopez implanted into my mind during all those shrink sessions.

     "Your right we did have an attraction last night and for a long time
now I think," Sampson admitted, following my lead of maturity, "What
happened last night was all our faults.  We just gotta talk about the
future now."

     When he said the word "faults", my eyes opened wider.  What a weird
choice of vocabulary. I hadn't thought of what we did last night as a fault
of any kind.  Shit, it was fucking paradise! At least he was open-minded.

     "I know its going to be weird, but we don't need to set real rules.
Lets just do what feels right like last night," I said, my eyes watering up
with that pleasant memory, "I really do trust my emotions will lead me to
where I want to be.  I trust things will all work themselves out if we just
dig a little deeper to find out what we mean to one another."

     "I can't."

     There I was.  I was basically telling this dude that I wanted to
experiment more with our sexualities. I was basically telling him that I
wanted to see what was there between him and I or T-Boy and I or him, T-Boy
and I.  Yet he just shut me down.  It was a cold move.  It was a move that
I should have made, but I didn't. I had been so open. I fucking deserved
this shit.

     "What?" I couldn't believe he was about to play me.

     "Syn, I have a girlfriend," Sampson reminded me (dreadfully), "It
can't keep cheating on her."

     I was fucking pissed.  It wasn't that he didn't want to keep his mind
open to seeing how far him and I could go.  It wasn't that he wanted to be
loyal to his girlfriend. It was the fact that he was keeping his mind
closed to 'me' for Mercedes a.k.a Trash! I was flaming by now to the point
where my teeth clenched.

     "Are you serious?" I asked him, bitterly, "Did you forget that night
in Mercedes' bedroom?  You were thinking about me when having sex with
her. You were staring into me.  What are you going to turn that back to me
again? I know I didn't force you to stare at me the whole time. Maybe you
just want to flat out deny it?"

     "Syn, you're making this harder then it has to be!"

     He hit his hand in his fist almost like he was getting stressed.
People hit things when they were stressed (probably why Sampson was taking
boxing) and I was just glad that it was his hand and not me.

     "You think this is easy for me?" I explained even more bitter.

     "Why would it be hard? You got Tommy to run to it's not like me and
you are in a commitment."

     It was exactly what T-Boy had said. I was beginning to think about it.

     "What makes you think I want T-Boy over you?" I asked, hypothetically.

     "Do you?"

     "Why would you think that though?"

     He slammed his hand in his fist again, "I'm tired of playing games,
Syn.  It's been games between us.  The day at the movie
theaters---games. The night you spied in the closet---games.  Matter of
fact last night was just a game. If you liked me, you should have said it
from the start.  I don't even know what is on your mind.  I just got to ask
you. Do you like me, seriously?"

     "Depends do you like me?"

     "See what I mean!"

     I looked at him. I wanted to like just hit the senses back to him, but
I knew Sampson could knock my ass out with a single punch especially now
that he was improving his skills in boxing.  It hurt so much that he saw me
as a sort of manipulator.  I wasn't seducing him or playing with his
emotions!  I was just as fucking confused!

     "You are such a hypocrite.  You want me to answer if I like you, but
you can't answer if you like me.  Why would you care if I like you you want
to be with Mercedes anyway, right?"

     He paused.  I knew I had him stuck!  He wasn't even looking at me.
Every time he looked at me now, his little dimple would show up, while he
was sucked in his lips and looked a little stressed.  He sort of looked
like Zane when he did it, which was cute.  It was obvious though how cute
he was by now, but the fact was that we both were confused on a lot and we
both had a kind of pride that wouldn't let the other one know what we were
thinking. I realized it! Why the fuck didn't I change it.

     "You want to be with Tommy anyway right?"

     I knew he was going to try to turn the attention back on me!

     "Why are you comparing T-Boy to Mercedes?" I argued, squashing my face
in confusion of his reasoning, "You are in a relationship with
Mercedes. Me, you and T-Boy just messed around. I 'might' want it to be
something more, but you love Mercedes so "

     He had sounded stupid comparing Mercedes to T-Boy.  I had the same
amount of attachments, the same amount of feelings I had for him as I did
for T-Boy.  I didn't understand why we were still arguing about it. The
fact that he was with Mercedes should have completely dissolved any 'what
if' questions in his mind. Shouldn't it?

     "How 'might' you want it to be if I didn't love Mercedes?"

     I KNEW IT! Why was he asking hypothetical questions if he loved
Mercedes.  He was still putting on a bluff like he didn't wasn't interested
even 'a little' about what my thoughts were about him.

     "Does it matter? I mean, aren't you with Mercedes?"

     "Uh "

     He seemed lost. I wondered if it was me standing in front of him with
a shirt barely covering my dick and exposing my thighs, pubic hair and I
think my balls (which hung from the bottom of my towel-wrapped shirt).

     "You are going to stay with Mercedes and you know it.  Why do you keep
stringing around my emotions?"

     It was my 'attempt' to go for the guilt trip. It didn't work though.
It just seemed to make him more argumentative.  He took a step closer to me
with an angry tone full ready to confront my question.

     "Stringing around your emotions? Like you did last night with me and
Tommy?"

     T-Boy! T-Boy! T-Boy! It was like he couldn't say anything else. I knew
I was mention Trash a lot, but she was his fucking girlfriend.  T-Boy was
no where near that title with me.

     I blew it off, "I didn't do that. You two did that."

     "Yeah sure!  How about right now you 'somehow' decide you want me and
tell Tommy to go blow himself, then I'll leave Mercedes as well."

     "You serious?"

     That was all I could say to such a proposition.  It seemed real
childish and adolescent like he was just saying it out of anger, but the
fact that he just dropped those words made an impact on my mind.  Was he
seriously thinking about leaving Mercedes and all I had to do was tell
T-Boy that I didn't like him?  It seemed so easy since T- Boy and I weren't
even in a relationship.  I had no trouble telling T-Boy that there were no
feelings there.  Yet the thought came over me about Sampson. Why would he
want that so bad? Was this really even about me?

Was this just another chapter in the Sampson vs. T-Boy saga.

     "I don't know. Are you serious?" Sampson asked, again flipping it on
me.

     I paused, "I I can't."

     It was hard.  It wasn't really about T-Boy.  It was just the fact that
I wouldn't want to start something out with Sampson on those crazy ass
terms.  He had to like me regardless.  This isn't how it was supposed to
fucking be like!  You don't give someone an ultimatum like that.  He
couldn't just like me if I showed interest in him.

     He wanted me to chase him.  He wanted me to chase him while he just
sat there like a sort of prize. I wasn't willing to do that. I just
couldn't.

     "I thought so," Sampson explained, giving this 'wise ass' grin and
raising his eyebrow, "I got to go we been talking for a minute.  I got to
get to the gym."

     He leaned up to me. I thought he was going to give me a hug, like the
"I know we got into an argument but we still friends' hug.  He didn't give
me a hug.  He gave me a cold hand slap like we were one of those friends
that you just meet around the neighborhood every once in a while, but had
forgotten their name.  I knew there was a little bitterness in it even
though he seemed to excuse it with the fact that he was in a rush and
jetted out of the door.

     I just kept thinking about how unhealthy this was.  I didn't have a
lot of time to think though. I realized that T-Boy was coming out of the
shower.  I knew I would DEFINITELY not be able to control my urges around a
half naked T-Boy so I grabbed my shit and just exited the room.


     I had called Dr. Lopez for an emergency session.  If this wasn't an
emergency then I didn't know what the fuck one was.  I had tried to let my
emotions lead me to way too many things.  One night of passion and then the
next morning it was just plain awkwardness.  Dr. Lopez (being Dr. Lopez)
agreed to it and I found a great excuse to get out of the house and away
from a T-Boy who had spent 10 minutes feeling up my crotch area under the
breakfast table with Ms. Nicole sitting there talking about her near
encounter with Oprah. What worried me was how close I was to moaning in
front of Ms. Nicole.  She paused to ask me if I was ok several times as I
bit my lip trying my best to not buckle underneath the pleasure.  I didn't
have the bravery to move T-Boy's hands.  They were so sinful, yet they felt
so good.  I had even had to put my head down on the table for a moment just
to catch a hold of myself.

T-Boy and I seemed to just be getting way too sexually attached while
Sampson and I were becoming well more argumentative about if a relationship
could really work.  I guess in a weird way you could say Sampson and I were
getting romantically attached.  At least on my part.  The argument had all
come from the two of us trying to find out if we could even 'try' to give
the whole relationship thing a shot.  Even though it failed miserably, I
felt a little too sad.  A little 'toooooo' sad. I shouldn't have been
feeling like that. I mean; I never wasted my time arguing over feelings
with someone that I didn't have feelings for and they usually didn't return
the enthusiastic arguments unless they had feelings for me as well.

                                              .  "Hey Sampson, come in and
take off your coat. Oh, you are all wet!"

Dr. Lopez laughed as I walked in her office, taking off my wet coat and
hanging it on the rack.

"It's pouring out there. The rain is getting terrible."

"Yes, it has.  You think it affected your mood in any way?"

"No not necessarily, but I have been having strange dreams that go hand and
hand with the rain. I get this sort of drowning feeling sometimes in the
dreams."

"Interesting. They constantly occur?"

"Yeah Doc. You think that's a problem?

"I don't know yet but exactly what happens in these dreams?"

"To hell if I remember 'exactly' what happens. I always forget large
portions."

She paused thinking.

"The next time you sleep, I want you to keep a journal beside your bed.
Each morning when you wake up, jot down what happened in the dreams.  That
way your dreams are fresh in your head."

"Thanks Doc. Um hey maybe I can play something."

"Sure."

I made my way to the piano.  Dr. Lopez watched me the whole time.  I guess
I was sort of still in that dreamy state from what happened last night.  I
had definitely been thinking about it in the rain before walking over
here. I started to play a song.  It was a song that I had never played
before.  It was a song that I never heard before.  The keys came naturally.
My fingers played slow music that was sweet and had a rhythm and a pattern.
At first I didn't know for sure how I could keep going with the nice song
without stopping the flow.  It just seemed to go though.  Everything just
seemed to blend.

It was such a simple tune at first.  Then it wasn't simple anymore.  It was
a complex tune that would need a choir if there were lyrics attached.  My
hands ran from side to side of the piano.  They all vibrated in A Minor.
They were all complex now and they were all endlessly beautiful.

She asked me something.  I wasn't sure what it was though. For the first
time, I didn't care. My eyes had closed and the music was playing.  I could
feel T-Boy leaning into me kissing me.  I could feel my fingers slipping
from key to key.  I could then imagine Sampson's tongue pressed up against
mine in pleasure. There was a melodious flow that came from that. T-Boy's
sexuality came to mind and so did Sampson's awkward emotions.  Their
personalities strung through my head as I hit the keys.

It had been beautiful but suddenly I felt myself going out of control with
the song.  There was the water again.  The rushing sounds of rain made it
so that I couldn't even hear the music.  What was happening to me? What had
come over me!

"What is that?"

I finally turned around and stopped playing.  The watery curse in my head
had stopped. My fingers stopped its numb sensory playing and just stood
stiff on my legs.  It was hard to remember the whole sound of the serenade
I keyed, but I was sure it was something original.

"I'm not really sure. It was just something that I played?"

"Are you serious? It was amazing.  It had a love song written all over it.
I've seen this before however.  I've seen people just become inspired on
the spot.  It seemed as though you were in love "

"Yes, but its with two people.  Its with the brothers."

I wasn't sure if it was love, but she had used that word and I felt too
lazy to change it and be asked 10 questions on why I decided to change it
to lighter words like 'crushed' or 'liked'. So instead I just kept the word
and there was this calm that was over me still from the memories that the
music brought.

"What happened?"

I told her everything.  I told her about how it started with T-Boy barging
in the room followed by Sampson.  I told her how I felt when T-Boy
apologized and then admitted to us all that he had sexual encounters with
me in the past.  I told her how Shane got freaked out and left, but Sampson
just stayed.  I told her how weird it felt when T- Boy kissed me and then
Sampson kissed me.  I then told her how I used that to my advantage to get
both of them to have sex with me.  I even told her what they did during the
sex. I told her how incredible it was.

"Syn "

"I know; its crazy isn't it? Its so hard to believe!"

"Yes exactly Sampson, its hard to believe."

She was tapping her fingers on the wood of her desk.  I knew what she was
doing.  She was doubting me! I couldn't believe this crap.

"Why would I lie about something like that?"

"Because you want it to happen "

"So why would I lie to you about it? I mean, I wouldn't be paying you to
lie to you!" I cried out in a exasperation.

"I never said lie, Syn. Also, you haven't been paying me. You haven't paid
a cent since your parents died.  Your uncle keeps promising to send checks
but I can never get in touch with him.  For the last month you have
basically been getting free counseling."

I paused, "So that's what this is about? Money? You won't believe me
because I can't pay you?"

I jumped from the seat of the chair feeling more then pissed at this chick
right now.  Money made the world go around and I guess that's why these
people in Bushwick had such a fucking flat personality. I thought Dr. Lopez
was the exception.  No. She wasn't.  In Bushwick all that mattered was
money, sex and drugs.

"Of course not.  You know that I would counsel you for free.  I never said
I don't believe you either. I am just saying that you got to make sure you
interpret things correctly."

What the fuck was this bitch talking about?!

"What is there to interpret? T-Boy had my dick in his mouth. It didn't take
a lot of psychology to understand that part!"

     "Syn! Calm down take a deep breath, count from 20 backwards."

"Fuck that! I don't need to fucking count! You can count though! You can
count on me leaving this shit. I don't need to be here anymore.  All you do
is think I'm lying anyway!"

"Sampson..."

I turned and walked towards the door grabbing at my wet ass coat.
Dr. Lopez was still crying for me as I made my way out of the building.
Truth is she could call her way to hell and back for all I cared. What kind
of a shrink kept thinking I was lying? She probably thought I was crazy.
She probably thought that I was having this whole mental case where I was
imagining the boys that I had crushes on to be completely enthralled with
me.

Truth is that they were!  It was so fucking hard trying to deal with that
fact rather then have my shrink questioning my every thought like I was in
some kind of mental institution.

I just had to think. This all wasn't cutting it.  I found myself walking
deeper and deeper downtown.  The deeper I went and the darker shit got.  It
seemed like it was nighttime all too fast and I lost complete track of
time.  I didn't know how long I had been wandering in the rain but I knew
it must have been for hours.

I was feeling my chest caving in from sickness but I refused to go home and
fact T-Boy or Sampson until I found my answer.  The rain would just have to
be a sacrifice as I blindly walked to look for some of answers. Truth is, I
was looking for an answer and I wasn't sure how to phrase the question.

I was completely fucked.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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