"Holding on"




Written by Rylan



This story contains male to male sexual activity (eventually) and if you don't enjoy this kind of story, if it is offending you in any way possible, and if you are not allowed to read this kind of material in the area where you live then please STOP here and read no further. This story is based on the author's real life events which has been modified to make it nearly-fictional and of course has been added some fictional materials. This story may not be published, or reprinted, without the express permission of the author, which is me. Please enjoy and email me at ry.co.92@aol.com to give me criticism, or your ideas and if you want to be my editor then email meJ. Otherwise, ENJOY!

*** Pictures of people who look like my characters (These pictures are by no mean the people from my story but they bear resemblances)


Rylan (first main character): http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_5-tbWcg27uE/SMZXl-FLfYI/AAAAAAAAAUQ/OkwBSyPD95o/s400/male-model-sweater.jpeg


Jules (Rylan's bestfriend): http://www.mobidll.com/s_p_images/p_images/beautiful-asian-photos-model(Mobidll.Com)1529095112.jpg


Benji (Rylan and Jules bestfriend): http://nextmodelmen.typepad.com/.a/6a00e54ef49d0a88330120a7462f60970b-800wi


Wyatt (second main character): http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-vTro8nLsIPg/T76Cwx3KsmI/AAAAAAAANxA/KWy1NUasxdE/s640/aidenisland14.jpg


***I've found suitable pictures for both the first and the second main characters. So if any of my readers have any different and better suggestions, please email me to let me knowJ. THANK YOU ***


  I don't know what made me do it but I brought his drunk-self home with me after he bumped into me at the party and spilled his drink all over himself. The way his eyes looked at me was so sad, it made my tummy flutters. By the time we were almost at my door, he was reek of liquor and pop mixture. Honestly, I really want to know why his eyes look so sad and why he was drunk at that birthday party. Carefully, I am helping him upstairs to the guest room while trying my best to be as quiet as possible since Ted and Rosa are probably deep asleep. The last thing I want right now is for them to wake me finding me with a drunken guy in the guest room. After I put him down on the bed in the guest room, I went into the bathroom down the hall for a towel with some hot water to clean him up. Good thing is that my parents usually leave the guestroom furnished so I don't have to wake up Rosa to ask where to get extra pillows and blankets. Taking off his jacket took majority of my strength, what left of me after being molested by one of the twin anyway. He looks so peaceful when he is sleeping, almost angelic like. He probably haven't shaved under his chin and his sideburns for a day or two, which I can feel little bit of scruffiness when I clean his face with the towel.

"Mmm hmm, ugh... no... stop..."- He tried to push my hands off of his face, probably because he is trying to sleep.

Weirdly enough, his eyes are fluttering, and he is trying to open them up. Finally, his eyes shot opened but he keeps staring at me with the bluest eyes I've ever seen. I can feel he is trying to move his hand up toward my face but his eyes are still on me, trying to hypnotize me. For some odd reason, I couldn't take my eyes off of his and even weirder that It almost feel like I've turned to stone, and unable to move any of my limps. His hand reaches my face, caressing the side of my face all while staring into my double colored eyes. I feel like a little kid that being caress by my most favorite person in the word, and I wouldn't want them to stop. He is rubbing my cheeks lovingly, as if I was his pet or something (in a good way). He is moving around "drunkenly" but I have no idea what he is trying to do and I don't really mind at the moment. He is leaning up off the bed without taking his eyes off of me and his hand off of my cheek. All it takes was just a few seconds but I feel like it could have been a few hours. Closer, closer and closer his face is moving toward mine with very slow paces. His lips touch mine. It felt like a thousand volt of electric went through me. The moment his lips touch mine, my soul was up in the cloud while my mind doing thousands of flip-flops on its own. Slowly, I come to my senses and realized he fell back asleep.

"Damn...What just happened?"-I murmured to myself.

"mmm...mmm...mmm...mmm..."-Small noises coming from him.

I find it funny how his supposedly "snores" aren't noisy like most, especially older people. Once I was unable to sleep and went down to the kitchen to get a glass of apple juice. From the kitchen, I could hear Rosa's snoring from the other room. If someone was to hear her snoring they would be convinced it was a cat that had nasal problems and was probably being choked to death. I laughed to myself loudly that night in the kitchen, almost woke up the entire house but I stopped myself just in time. I chuckle to myself sitting next to Wyatt thinking about Rosa's snores. He goes back to sleep, and sleep like an angel. Quietly, I get up to leave but not before putting a blanket over his body. I walk back to the bathroom to put away the towel, water and walk downstairs to put his jacket in the washing machine. Afterward, I walk back into my own bathroom to take a shower. I get in the shower and take a long hot bubble bath (like a baby). I usually take those long bubble baths because I want to be alone and I have things to think about. As I am lying in the bathtub, rush and rush of memories flooding back to me since the first day I met him. All from when he helped me back up from the floor, smiling at me from across the room, talking to be before PE class, and even memory like the talk we had in the Gym's stadium a few weeks ago. I must have stayed in the bathtub for a long time, or even dozed off in there for a while.

The next morning when I am awaked, he is still sounding asleep when I come over to check on him in the guest room. So I walk back to my room to do my morning routine. While I am putting on my socks, I can hear some sound coming from the guestroom next to mine. By the time I am at the door, he is already up sitting on the bed with his face buries in his palms. He seems tired and obviously hang-over.

"Hang-over?"-I asked not knowing what else to say.

"Hmm... Rylan? Why are you here?"-He looked up with a surprise look on his face.

"Cuz it's my house?"-I answered chuckling.

"Why am I at your house? I thought I was at some lowerclassman's birthday party."-He is obviously confused and it's understandable.

"You were too drunk to even walk and bumped into me. I didn't know where you live and leaving you at the party wasn't an option so I brought you back to my house."-I told him, keeping it short and sweet.

"That's a little odd dude but I guess I should thank you."-He said factly.

"There's the door, you can leave anytime you want."-I said getting a little pissed off.

"My bad dude. But where is my jacket? I was wearing one right?"-He chuckling.

"It got dirty after you spilled your drink all over it. So I put it in the washing machine last night. It should be ready by now."-I told him

"Thanks ... I don't even remember the last time I got it washed."-He told me laughing.

"Wow...Nasty much? I will go downstairs to take a look at your jacket. There is a bathroom down the hall on your right side. All the toiletries are in the drawers, and closets in there. Help yourself to them and whenever you're ready just go downstairs cuz Rosa will have breakfasts ready in half an hour or so."-I told him, readying for any question.

"Awesome... I appreciate it. Who is Rosa anyway? You mum?"-He asked looking at me with his sparkly baby blue eyes.

"No. Rosa is our chef, maid ... basically the manager of the house."-I answered staring into his eyes.

I waited until he closes the bathroom door to start walking down into the wash-room. His jacket was done by the time I open up the washing machine. I took it out to take a look at it. It is of course has the school colors which is black and yellow. Black and yellow leathers somehow blended together to make this jacket. I honestly love the colors, just not the way they incorporated them on this jacket. The front has his name Wyatt J. on the left side of his torso, and the back has the list of sports he is playing or has played in this past. I barely noticed before but he is a triple sport athlete which is a huge deal in my high school. On the sleeves, there are patches and patches that represent trophies individual has won or the team has won. I carefully fold it up and leave it on the dining table next to his breakfast. About half an hour later, I hear him walking down the stairs.

"Hey, what's up dude."-He said sitting down on the other side in front of his jacket.

"Hey, feeling better after a good shower?"-I asked popping a new piece of Starburst in my mouth.

"A lot better Ry, thanks for... everything."-He answered with an appreciative tone in his voice.

"No worry... but why did you drink so much last night?"-I asked curiously.

"I just had a rough week dude. That's why I couldn't stop drinking. Sorry for all the trouble man."-He told me.

"It's no problem. My parents raised me well."-I said with a wink.

"Haha I can tell. By the way I noticed every time I see you, you are always eating Starburst. You like them that much?"-He is trying to change to subject by complimenting on the house.

"Thanks. Yeah I love them, but just the purple ones. But sometime I only get one piece of grape-flavored in a tube. But anyway, eat your breakfast while it's still hot dude. There are milk, orange juice, apple juice, coffee, and water, whichever you want."-I told him while shoving the first piece of breakfast into my mouth. I am hella hungry.

"Alright ... wow this is good."-He said eating his own breakfast.

We are eating breakfast in silent. He doesn't seem to remember the kiss last night. He probably thought I was someone else, problem Nicole. Damn, how much do I hate that bitch. I keep eating and thinking about the whole event from last night. It's like fate is playing a joke on me. I was trying to avoid him at all cost at school but ended up bumping into him at the party and had to take care of him at my own house. I am not complaining or anything but it seems like I can't stay away from him, doesn't matter what I do or at least trying to do. I keep glancing over at him eating his breakfast while I am eating mine. There is something unexplainable about that keeps drawing me to him and it seems I can't stop thinking about him.

"So do you remember anything from last night?"-I decided to find out whether or not he knows that he kissed me last night.

"Well I do remember going to that party, drinking a lot, and bumping into someone, then nothing."-He answered.

"I see... well good thing you didn't drink enough to throw up all over the place."-I chuckled.

"I've never thrown up because of drinking before. Not that I know of anyway haha."-He laughed

"You probably should call your house since you didn't come back last night. Your parents might be worried."-I told him chewing on my food.

"It's no problem. My parents are away for business trip in New York. I am free for the next week or so."-He told me.

"That's pretty cool. My parents are the same. They are away most of the time."-I agreed with him.

"So where do you live? I want know how far away from home I am"-He asked.

"I live about 20 minutes from school at Galloway Estates off of Euclid Blvd. How about you"-I told him truthfully.

"That's really close to me. I am like 5 mins away from you."-He said.

"That's not too bad. I will ask Ted to give you a ride home later whenever you are ready."-I half said half asked.

"Who is Ted?"-He asked curiously

"He is our driver. He is pretty cool."-I explained briefly.

"I see"-He answered and laughed nervously.

"You have something on your face."-I told him still laughing.

"Hmm... is it gone?"-He asked after using his tongue to try to get it off of his face.

"No, haha lets me."-I said.

I pick up a piece of napkin and start wiping a piece of food off of his face. I don't know why but it feels so nice to touch him. It's sort of reminding me of the kiss from last night. I am trying my best to be attentive, careful, and patient. I feel like grabbing his face and start kissing him like crazy (lol). I just feel like right then and there he is the best guy in the world. Since the day I realized I was gay, I haven't felt this way about any guy. I do mean every guy. It's crazy how fast it is that I've fallen in love with him. I know love is a big word but there is no other word that could describe the way I am feeling about him. It's definitely love at first sight. I've been struck by the thunder of love (wow cheesy but that's how I feel). Isn't weird? I know he has a girlfriend and everything but somehow I can't stop thinking or feeling this way about him. Believe me, I've tried my best, with all I can, to avoid him so I wouldn't feel the way I do right now about him. Apparently, it doesn't work that way. I notice that the piece of food has gone but somehow I can't stop touching his smooth face. I didn't even realize that the piece of napkin has fallen out of my hand and I am now touching his bare face with my hand. Suddenly he grabs my hand; it feels so weird for him to hold my hand while staring into each other eyes.

"I...hmm... got to go."-He suddenly said snapping me out of my fantasy.

"Huh?"-I was confused

"Thanks for taking care of me last night and breakfast."-He said, putting on his jacket and left in a rush.

"Hey... do you need Ted to drive you back?"-I asked still unable to apprehend what just happened.

By the time I am out at the door to ask if he needs Ted to drive him back, he is already disappeared. He is fast. I didn't know basketball players could disappear that fast. I guess he got weird out because I was touching his face. It's understandable I think. I wonder around the house the whole Sunday and Sunday night trying to comprehend what was happening earlier.

zZz Ring...Ring...Ring zZz

The alarm goes off signaling it's time for me to wake up to get ready for a new week of school. I am definitely not in a good mood this morning since I didn't get enough sleep last night thinking about certain someone. Getting ready for school usually doesn't take much, but this morning it took me awhile just to put toothpaste onto my toothbrush. I am surprised I am even able to dress myself properly this morning. The usual morning texts with Benji and Jules were ignored due to my tiredness. I should just stay home and ask Rosa to call in for me so I won't get a detention by the time I get back in school but on the other hand, I want see Wyatt and maybe ask him what happened yesterday, why did he leave so quickly. That reason was good enough for me to pull on a pair of sweatpants, the school's logoed sweater and my favorite messenger bag. I look like a bum in the mirror but somehow I don't feel like changing, matter of fact, I sort of like the look I have on today. I decided to skip breakfast since it takes me so long to even get ready. The whole ride to school was full of thought regarding my Sunday. It wasn't a long day, but it was definitely full of events. By the time I am at my locker, I am devastated. The reason is because I saw Wyatt and Nicole in the parking lot holding hand, kissing, and basically making out on their way to school. It's so weird that I feel so sad seeing what they were doing. It's not like he was cheating on me with her or whatever but still it makes me feel really bad.

The first few periods go by so slow and uneventful. Jules and Benji are trying to cheer me up after I told her I have something on my mind. How weird that even if you have so many people trying to cheer you up, you still feel sad even though only ONE person did something to you. I saw Wyatt in the hallways a few times during breaks but he doesn't recognize me at all even though I know for sure he sees me most of the time. I am getting more and more pissed every time he tries to ignore me. I mean if he has something to say to me, then say it to my face and stop trying to avoid me by looking another way. Fine, I've decided if he wants to play this game then I am down. Since after lunch, every time I see him, I make sure he sees me then I look the other way faster than him to make sure he knows I am trying to ignore and avoid him too. By the time for PE class, I say to myself that I will not look at his way or at him at all and even if we are forced to be in a team together, I will pretend like I don't know him at all. It works so well, almost makes me quite happy. There are many occasions where he is trying to ask me to pass him the ball during our usual PE's basketball game but I pretend not to see him and pass it to other players. Others which I pass the ball to the players of the opposite team instead of to him make him and the rest of the team so mad. What can they do? I told them I don't know how to play since school starts. I am laughing so hard on the inside every time I pass the ball to somebody else making him want to just rip the ball apart. After the basketball game, the entire class has to run around the track until the end of the period. It doesn't really matter if you walk or run; the teacher just sits there under the shade and drinks his water. For me, it's a different story because running is one of my favorite things to do to pass time. I am not the fastest runner but I can run long distance without breathing like a dog in heat.

While I was running around the track, listening to my iPhone, someone taps me on the shoulder. I take out my earphones, slow down my pace and turn to my right to see who taps me on the shoulder. Guess who it is? Wyatt. I turn my head around to look straight ahead and start picking up my pace again. He tries to catch up with me, I know he can do so easily since he has so much stamina playing basketball but still I told myself to ignore him no matter what.

"Hey Ry, slow down"-He called out.

"You need something?"-I asked coldly.

"Are you ok? Dude"-He asked sort of concern.

"Yeah"-I answered kinda feel bad about doing this to him.

"You seem different than yesterday dude. What's up"-He asked again.

"I am just the way I am"-I told him letting some of my anger out.

"Sorry"-I said again after an awkward silent between me and him.

"It's no problem, I guess I saw that coming"-He told me quietly.

There is that awkward silent between us again while running together. It feels so awkward and weird that nobody is saying anything even though I know I have a lot to say to him. By the time I am about to say something, the bell rings signaling the period and school is over for the day. After changing into my clothes as fast as I could, I ran out of the locker room to the locker room to get my books for homework. By the time my feet got me to my locker, I see Nicole standing there as if she was waiting for me. I walk over to my locker, punch in my code and open it up.

"So how are we doing in this lovely day?"-She asked with her annoying voice.

"Do you really care? What do you want?"-I ask going straight to the point.

"Oh nothing, I just want to see how my favorite freshman is doing in school"-She answered cheerfully with a little of poison in her voice.

"Oh lord, seriously dude what do you want? I don't have all day for your bullshit"-I asked again.

"How about this? You stop staring and drooling all over my boyfriend?"-She said to me.

"Who is so unlucky to be your boyfriend?"-I asked trying to pretend that I don't know him.

"Don't even play with me. I notice you staring at him quite a lot. Stop it or this whole school is going to know your deepest secret."-She spit with venom in her voice.

"And what would be my deepest secret?"-I asked her trying to play it cool.

"Do I need to be blunt?"-She smirked, knowing clearly she has the upper hand.

"What do you want?"-I slammed the locker door and turn around to look at her.

"I already told you. Stay away from my boyfriend. He is not like you"-She said to me.

"Nobody is going to believe what you have to say about me"-I taunted her a little.

"Do you want to test me?"-She asked being calmed as ever.

"Fine, have it your way. I will stay away from him."-I told her, once again feeling defeated.

I walk to the front door, with so much emotion in my mind, to wait to be picked up by Ted. Right this moment, I just want to cry and cry because not just once, but she defeated me twice. I need Benji and Jules right now to make me laugh and feel better about my life. Benji has to stay back to practice for baseball, his favorite sport. He was so happy that he made it; he also promises that he would never miss one practice and try to become the best player of this school. Jules is busy with after school tutoring program. She is definitely an Asian, trying to score some major points to put on her resume for college. I guess it's hard not to when her parents signs her up for it and basically forces her to do it in order to get into a good college. Good thing her parents don't want me to compete with her for the slot so they didn't tell me parents, otherwise I would be sitting in the library right now teaching dummies how to read. Wow I feel bad for Jules, she has to sit there and suffer. Normally id sit there to feel bad for her or even walk to the library to visit her, but today I just feel like getting the heck out of school and away from Wyatt as far as possible. I feel so abandoned, so alone and that no one knows my existence and care about me anymore. I feel so happy when Ted put the car in park in front of my house. I practically jumped out of the car and run into my room to turn on some music to forget about my day and Wyatt.

I am laying there with music blasting into my ears but somehow I can't hear the music, just what Nicole told me today at my locker. Every word comes from her mouth, are like knives piercing into my heart. Why does it hurt so bad to love someone? ­­Damn love. I heard the door opens up. I think I might be Rosa with my afternoon snack.

"Just put it on the desk Rosa, por favor. I will eat it later; I have so much on my mind right now. I don't even want to sit up and face the world."-I told Rosa.

I heard Rosa pulling out a chair and sit down next to my desk. She sits down in silent and just sits there and waits. She is probably waiting for me to feel better just like every time I am sick or feel like I have no one to talk to. She usually sits there and listen to me talk about my feeling every time I am sad about something. Sometime, I feel like she is more of a mother figure than my real mother, that's why I usually talk to her if I have something hard to face in life.

"You don't have to wait on me Rosa. I just want to be left alone right now"-I told her nicely without being rude.

She is still sitting there in silent without making any noise. It's so awesome of her to put aside all the chores and works she has to do around the house to just sits there and listen to me to go on and on about my life or why do I feel so sad that day. She usually allows me to let out all my frustration and then says something really meaningful to me so I would feel better about myself. So if people know how close I am to Rosa and Ted, they won't feel surprised to know that they are the only two adults that know I am gay. Even my real parents don't even know about it because it's a disgrace and it will taint their name in the society. That's what they told me when I was young when the news on TV was focusing on something about gay rights or gay marriage or something like that. They said they'd rather kill themselves than to have a homosexual son or daughter. Maybe if I tell them, they will kill themselves and I will have my inheritance early (lol). Its whatever though, I feel good enough to have Ted and Rosa know about my life and support it.

"Why does love hurts so bad Rosa?"-I asked her looking up the ceiling.

"I am in love with someone, and he is breaking my heart. I feel like such a loser for not even able to fight for the person I love. I feel defeated every time his girlfriend smiles the victorious smile. It was a love at first sight you know. I've fallen in love with him since the first day I met him in school. He doesn't know about it of course and I've been trying to avoid him so the feelings would go away because I know he has a girlfriend and everything. But it doesn't work that way does it? The more I am trying to avoid him, the more he appears in front of me and makes my heart go crazy. I feel like getting up every day to go to school just to see him but every time I see him, he is holding his girlfriend's hands or kissing her. It hurts so badly. I know it's crazy to love someone who has a girlfriend but I wanted to take my chance and well as you can see, my chance is just shitty."-I kept telling her.

I am just lying there looking at the ceiling, pouring my heart out to her. She comes over, give me a hug letting me know everything is going to be ok and if I keep hopes, someday it will come true. Her hugs means more to me than anything, knowing I have her full support on whatever I decide to do and knowing that she will be there for me even if I fail to do what I want to do.

Before I knew it, I was deep asleep. It is one of the best sleeps I've ever had in quite some time now. It is definitely help me recover from all the drama, soreness, and tiredness from dealing with my own feelings. I know once I wake up, I will feel a lot better than I was.


End of chapter 3

What does everyone think? This chapter is a little bit longer than the previous two because I am like a few days late. Please don't be mad at me ^.^ Please email me your thoughts and ideas on what I should improve on. I get some of my ideas from reading stories off of Nifty like picking pictures of what I think my characters look like and such.

Email: ry.co.92@aol.com

I hope to get more and more feedback on how do you like the way my stories go.