"A new day, a new start" Is what Rosa usually tell me after
every time I face something difficult in life. She is always right but this
time, after a good night sleep, I still am not feeling any better regarding my
new found love situation. Are gay kids destined to lose when it comes to love?
I've heard stories of people who are so afraid of how the society will treat
them that they'd rather get married to a woman and raise a family even though
they are struggling with the way they are every day during their marriage. I
don't blame them though, being gay is very confusing, and not everyone can come
to their senses and accept the fact that they are who they are. I know I will
never get married to a woman but still, I am very confused about what I should
do in the future. My parents are extremely conservative when it comes to these
controversial topics. They are not willing to accept new and/or different
things in life. Then again, they are the least of my problem right now. What I
have to do right now is to face Wyatt and Nicole in school every single day
until their graduation. It sucks but I don't see any way out, except
transferring to a private school that parents always wanted me to go to. I
tried my best to convince them to let me go to a public school with Jules and Benji with the promise of getting straight A's and able to
get into the Honor Program, and AP program. I am just going to try my best to
avoid them at all cost and maybe asking for a permission slip to transfer out
of my PE class so I don't have to see him every day. With that being said, I
have to get ready for school. It's only the 4th week of school and I
already wanted to quit, how fun is that. This morning, I just want to wear
something black and maybe fade into the background so nobody would be able to
the time Ted drops me off at school, I am extremely nervous and just wants to
ask him to take me home and stay home for the day. But I know for sure Rosa
will make me go even if it means I have to be late, since she doesn't tolerate
bullshit. Slowly, I drag my feet toward the front entrance to swipe my ID in
order to get in the door. This school's security is a bit tight because
something happened a few years back. I don't even know what happened and apparently
the school won't answer any question regarding the topic. When I am going
through my messenger bag to look for my ID, I heard someone calling my name
"Rylan?"-That person called out
turned around looking for whoever calling me.
"Rylan!!!"-A guy calling out my
name while waving at me.
answered thinking to myself that he looks so damn familiar but I can't recalled
where I might have seen him before.
what's up!!! Haven't seen you for ages."-He told me looking
all excited, not knowing I don't know who he is.
hey, yeah long time no see"-I played along hopefully it will come to mind who
have no idea who I am, do you?"-He asked seeing through my bullshit.
am sorry man. You look familiar though. I just can't recall where I know you
from."-I told him truthfully.
Liam Reed? Your brother's friend back when Dan and I used to go to this
school?"-He told me.
"Oh yeah!!! Liam, what's up man!!! What are you doing
here?"-I asked him; obviously he doesn't go here since he graduated 3 years
am here to teach Freshman and Sophomore Math for my
major in college."-He said as we making our way into the school.
... Do you know which class are you teaching?"-I asked curiously.
don't know yet dude, but I will find out today which teacher I will be TA-ing for. I will see you later dude."-He told me before
reaching the Math Department.
luck Liam!!!"-I yelled after him, earning me some weird looks from the
is one of my brother's good friends before he left for college in California.
They are still friends, but just not as close as they used to be. I used to
have a huge crush on Liam when he used to come over to hang out at our house. I
always looked for excuses to ask him to play video games with me or help me
look for something I hid so we could spend some time together. I am laughing to
myself lightly thinking about how na´ve I was back then. Liam is really cute,
for an older guy that is. Even though right now, comparing to Wyatt, he is not
as cute but he has to be at least on my top 10. He is about my brother's height
which is about 6 feet with blonde hair and green emerald eyes. I was told he is
Italian, that's why he has darker skins but still he is gorggggggeous
(there is a picture up there). I've forgotten about him since he stopped coming
over after Danny goes away for college. I was sad at the time because he was
the only friend of Danny that I like to come over and hang out with. He is so
nice to me though which is a plus.
my little encounter with Liam after over three years of not seeing him brightened my day. I made my way to class since Jules
couldn't wait any longer because I took too long to talk to Liam. I sat down
next to Jules in class as she was busy texting away.
sexy, got a minute?"-I said pretending to be someone else hitting on her.
Ry"-She said not looking up from the screen of her SamSung Galaxy.
I can't fool you one bit"-I told her laughing lightly.
is in a good mood this morning. Care to tell me why you didn't answer your
texts and calls yesterday and why did you make me wait by your locker this
morning?"-She said expecting a legit answer from me.
guess who I saw this morning?"-I asked her excitedly.
answered still not looking up from her screen.
I saw Liam Reed. Remember him? He used to come over a lot when my brother was
still in highschool?"-I asked her.
"Ohhhh the gorgeous Italian guy with
blonde hair?"-She said finally looking up from her phone.
"Yessss dude apparently he is here to be a TA for his Math
major in college."-I told her smiling.
was about to say something when Ms. Beck walks in with Liam following her. I
can't believe he is going to be teaching my class, more time for us to start
bonding again. Then again I feel sorry for him that he has to be Ms. Beck's TA.
He finally sees me after I've been staring at him since he walked into class.
He smiles and winks at me while Ms. Beck is talking about how he is going to be
in my class for the next two months to earn his point for his Math major. I am
happy he is here but then again it's only going to be a few months. From where
I am sitting, I can hear the girls in class whispering about how good looking,
and hot he is. And apparently he is smart too to be majored in Mathematic. After
he introduce himself, Ms. Beck starts her lecture of the day while he sits in
the back of the class to observe what has to be done during lecture so he can
start the very next day. The rest of the class goes by with her boring lecture
the half the class fell asleep. I kept glancing back at him in the back of the
class, and every time I look back, he was always looking at me and smiling
which got me to smile like crazy for the whole period. I guess the sudden
appearance of Liam helps me to forget about Wyatt and the whole Nicole
situation. At the end of the period, Liam and I exchanged phone number since we
haven't seen one another for so long, we decided to
hang out sometime in the near future.
can't believe we meet again after over three years."-He texted me while I was
in the second period.
know right? I haven't seen you since Danny left for college in California."-I
like I said lets hang out and catch up on things soon."-He answered with a
lets. You can come over anytime to hang out lol"-I
dude. Will do. Then we can figure something out to
do."-He texted me.
great"-I texted back smiling to myself.
rest of the day goes by slowly. Of course seeing Wyatt and his girlfriend in
school all lovey-dovey really kills me but somehow I don't feel as bad. I guess
it's because of Liam. He was my crush when I was younger for God's sakes. Of
course I am still crushing on him a little bit. It feels weird to say that I
love Wyatt dearly but I am still crushing on Liam and wanting to hang out with
him like we used to be when I was smaller. I stopped by the Admission Office
before PE class to get the permission slips to transfer out of Mr. O'mally's PE class so I don't have to face Wyatt anymore. I
know for sure, the more I see him and spending time with him, the more I will
be in love with him which will get me in trouble because I know Nicole will do
whatever it takes to win back her boyfriend and aren't afraid to expose my
secret around school. The process is that I have to have Mr. O'mally sign the permission slip, then go back to the
Admission Office to see if my slip is approved or decline.
the class starts, I walk into Mr. O'mally's office to
have him sign the permission slip. The moment I am inside his office, I want to
turn around because Wyatt is in there helping him around his office. Before I
could turn around, coach and Wyatt already saw me.
can I do for you Mr. Coleman?"-He asked from behind his desk.
O'mally, Can you please sign this permission slip for
me?"-I asked politely, glancing over at Wyatt who was looking at me.
is the permission slip for?"-He asked sipping on his coffee.
want to transfer out of your PE class."-I said to him.
why do you want to do that? Is my class too hard for you?"-He asked in a
not at all. It is just personal reason. I really do enjoy your class."-I told
him hoping he would just sign my slip.
Mr. Coleman."-He said and signed my permission slip.
it ok for me to go to the Admission Office right now to confirm my transfer?"-I
Go ahead."-Mr. O'mally answered giving me a hall pass
to go to the office.
if God wants to play tricks on me, my permission slip gets declined and the
reason is that we are already on the 5th week of school, therefore
transferring someone to another class is out of the question. "Damn, just my
luck."-I thought to myself as I am walking back to Mr. O'mally
got declined."-I told Mr. O'mally.
I guess you are stuck with us for the rest of the school year."-He said
for all the trouble."-I told him apologetically.
no problem. Since you're technically late for class, go sit on the bleacher,
you don't have to participate today."-He told me pointing at the bleacher.
sir"-I answered walking toward the bleacher.
sit down on the bleacher, taking out my iPhone to listen to music to pass the
next 40 minutes since I don't have to participate in PE today. As I am
listening to music and texting Liam, Jules and Benji
at the same time, I see someone standing in front of me but I don't know who. I
look up and see its Wyatt standing there looking at me as if he has something
to ask me. I take off my earphones to see what he wants.
need something?"-I confusedly asked him.
did you want to transfer out of Mr. Omally's PE
I said, its personal reason."-I answered
know I am not an idiot right?"-He retorted.
it is what it is. Personal reason is personal reason."-I told him once again.
bullshit dude and you know it."-He said getting abit
is it to you? I can do whatever I want."-I answered trying to keep calm.
it because of what happened at your house last Sunday?"-He asked again.
why? Do you not want to be in the same place with me that bad?"-He asked
everything is about you Mr. Popular."-I answered getting a little mean.
he can say something else, Mr. O'mally calls him out
into the field to take down the running times for the rest of the class. Thank
god Mr. O'mally saves me just in time. I don't know
what I would say if he keeps asking me those questions. I sort of feel bad
about it though since the reason I want to transfer out is not because of him,
well not entirely anyway. I spend the rest of the period thinking about how I
am going to answer his questions from now on because I know for sure he is not
going to stop asking until he gets his answers. Before I know it, the bells
ring signaling the school day has ended and now it's time to go home. I am so
happy that school is over for the day. Just like every other day, Benji is busy with baseball practice, Jules is busy with
her tutoring job and I have to go home and spend my evening alone until they
are done with their duties.
give Rosa a hug when I get home, thinking she definitely deserves it since she
does so much for me without complaining about it. I go back to my room
afterward to rest a little since I am completely worn out after a long day of
school. I don't know how tired I would be if I had to participate in PE today.
As I was lying there, my phone rings telling me I have a text message. And it's
Ry ... what are you doing? Wanna
go and catch up on things now? I have abit of free
time."-The text said.
dude ... you want to come over?"-I asked.
am hungry though so let's go to the Chipotle to have a bite and catch up on
things."-He texted me back.
"Uhm Ok let me get ready. Give me like 15 mins."-I texted him
come over to the bathroom to wash my face and put on a fresh t-shirt and a
jacket since its getting chilly this time of year because the winter is coming
soon. I also put on some cologne because I feel excited that I get to hang out
with Liam. He picks me up exactly 15 mins after the
text driving us both to the local Chipotle restaurant. We ordered our food and
about to pay for them when he insists on paying for them both. At first, I
argue with him a little bit saying that he doesn't have to do it blah...blah...blah
and that I can pay for myself. But after a short argument, I give in and let
him pay for them both. In my mind, I am happy because he insisted on paying for
them. It shows how much of a gentleman he is and that he always will be nice to
how have you been? Which college are you going to?"-I asked starting the
college is not as easy as it looks. I am going to Northwestern
University. It's a local school so I don't have to pay for room and board."-he
answered feeling proud of himself.
nice. Northwestern is a great school. You are smart for a blondie
Liam."-I said laughing out loud.
I think. How about you? How does it feel being a freshman in highschool?"-He asked
great. It couldn't be any better."-I lied.
good. I remember when you were in 6th Grade when I was a senior. You
lost a lot of things and you only trusted me to look for them for you."-He said
I have bad memories and short attention span."-I said being embarrassed.
was cute though knowing someone would trust me the way that you did."-He said
chewing on his Burrito.
and I are laughing to ourselves when the door opens and in-walk Wyatt and his
girlfriend Nicole. They didn't notice me at first but since I was sitting in
the corner I can pretty much see the entire restaurant. I stop laughing all of
the sudden when I realized they finally see me sitting there with Liam. The
table Liam and I are sitting at is close to the ordering counter. I get
extremely nervous seeing them walking toward Liam and I. Notice that I am not
laughing anymore, so Liam asking me whats wrong.
you ok Ry?"-He worriedly looking at me.
everything Is fine. I am ok."-Once again I lied to
start talking again but I am unable to pay attention to what Liam has to say. I
feel bad about it but for some reason, I keep glancing over at Wyatt and
luckily Nicole's back was facing my way so I don't have to look at her. A few
times when I glance over at Wyatt, I notice he always looking at me with his
sad eyes, especially after Liam tried to wipe something off of my face like
what happened between me and him back on Sunday. To be honest, it is one of the
most awkward dinners I've ever had in my entire life. Laughing at Liam's jokes,
glancing over at Wyatt, I feel like such a two timer in this situation and I
feel bad for doing this to Liam.
will be right back Liam. I gotta use the restroom
real fast."-I told him getting up to go to the restroom.
Ry but don't lose anything in there."-He said
laughing, making me laugh.
walk into the restroom to wash my face and get myself together. I am splashing
water in my face over and over again. The cold water helps me keep myself
together. I don't know what to do. I feel so confused. Once again, the restroom
door opens and guess who walks in? Wyatt. "Damn, why
can't I just be alone for a minute?"-I asked myself.
know you like Chipotle."-He said looking at me from the door.
would you need to know what I like?"-I answered coldly.
enough, so who are you here with?"-He asked nonchalantly.
a friend"-I told him drying my hand with paper towel.
I didn't know a guy would wipe something off another guy's face when they are
just friends"-I said with a weird tone.
they don't even have to be friends to do that. Remember?"-I said reminding him
of what happened between him and me.
me"-I said walking pass him to go back to the restaurant.
I am walking toward Liam's table, I notice Nicole is looking at me as if she
wants to kill me. What's her problem? I will never get what's her deal is and
frankly, I don't really care to find out. By the time I reach our table, I ask
if Liam wants to go back to my house to talk more because I feel a bit unwell
and want to go back to lay down. He throws away the trash like a gentleman and
drives me back to my house. The whole way back was in awkward silent. We
exchanged some dialogue about if I am ok and if I want to go back and not to a
doctor. By the time we get back to my house, I ask if he wants to come in to
talk some more but he has to go back to grade some papers that Ms. Beck gave
him today to grade for her. What a bitch!!! She should be doing her own work
and not asking a new guy to do it for her. More reason for me not to like her.
you sure you don't want to come in just for a bit?"-I asked again.
dude I have to grade those papers. Don't worry I will see you tomorrow in
school and we will talk more tomorrow ok?"-He answered sweetly.
Drive careful"-I bid him farewell before he speeds away.
close the door behind me and just standing there thinking about how life would
be a lot easier if I didn't fall in love with Wyatt.
how was your date?"-Rosa asked scaring the crap out of me.
Rosa stop scaring me and it was not a date. You know Liam, he is Danny's
friends"-I said laughing along with her.
"Mmm Hmm"-She said still laughing
I am tired now... I am going to take a nap and then finish my homework later"-I
told her before running up the stairs into my room.
in my room, I slid under the bed to take out a box. I haven't touched this box
since three years ago when Liam stopped coming over after Danny left Chicago to
go to school in California. I was mad at Liam though because I thought he would
still come over to play video game with me after Danny leaves but apparently I
was wrong and we lost contact until now. I open the box, and inside is a few
pictures of me and Liam that I collected back in the day. Some of the pictures
were taken with a lot of people in it but I cut them out leaving just me and
Liam. Some pictures were glue together because I was love-sick. How na´ve I
was, having a huge crush on my brother's friends. I take a look at the
pictures, smiling to myself thinking about what happened a few years back that
made me such a happy kid that always hang out Liam like a puppy.