Date: Tue, 29 May 2012 23:47:30 -0700 From: Jeffrey Venzuela Subject: I Shall Believe - Chapter 20 ___________________________________________________________________________ Warning: If you don't tolerate or approve of the gay lifestyle please leave now. This is pure fiction. No one in this story is a real person, living or deceased. Any similarities is just a coincidence. ___________________________________________________________________________ Ivan looked at the horrifying images on his computer screen and blinked a few times, hoping to make them go away. However, they didn't. The video kept on playing. He rushed to the screen to find out who sent it. However, it was a very vague e-mail address and there was no way he could track it down. But he really didn't need an address because there was only one person who had that video. Looking behind him, Ivan saw a confused Jesse. Ivan quickly blocked the monitor from Jesse's view with his body. He didn't know why he did it because he knew Jesse had already seen it. But he hoped that maybe, just maybe, Jesse hadn't seen it clearly. Startled by Ivan's action, Jesse asked, "Ivan, what's going on?" Ivan tried to put a sincere smile on his face but ended up smiling widely and stiffly. "Nothing. Just, uhm, porn." He crossed fingers, desperately wishing that Jesse hadn't seen his and Jake's faces on the video. "Porn? Starring you and Jake?" Jesse laughed. "C'mon Ivan." Ivan's shoulder slumped. "Somebody taped a video of Jake and me last year, as you can see." He took a step to the side and gestured to the monitor where the video was still playing. Embarrassed with the situation, Ivan decided to focus his gaze at his arms which were tightly folded across his chest. When Jesse didn't say anything, Ivan looked up and saw the boy watching the video intently. Ivan rolled his eyes and closed the video. "That's enough you perv!" Ivan said with an uncomfortably amused look on his face. Jesse shrugged and said, "What? It's kinda hot." Ivan's mouth gaped. "Oh my god! We are not talking about the content of that video." Jesse suddenly had an idea in mind. "So you and Jake-- Ivan immediately interrupted him. "Don't even go there, Jesse. It only happened one time last year that night I came out to Michael and Alex. It never happened again." He said. "Whoa, hold up dude. I thought you told me you walked straight home." Jesse said. A little laugh escaped from Ivan. "I kinda lied." He said timidly. "Oh, Ivan." Jesse said with an amused smile on his face. "What, it's not like it's something I'm proud of. And besides, I didn't know that it had been videotaped." Ivan explained. "Alright, alright." Jesse said. Ivan sat down on his bed and Jesse sat down beside him. "So do you know who taped it?" Jesse asked, this time sounding serious. Ivan looked at Jesse, wondering if he should tell him the truth. It was not like Jesse wasn't already involved after seeing that video. And knowing Jesse, he'd probably make it his business. "Andy." Ivan finally said. Even though he wasn't that surprised, Jesse still couldn't believe that that bastard had done it. "The one who made your life a living hell last year?" Ivan scoffed. "The one and only. Andy Pearson." Jesse stood up and searched his pocket for his phone. "We should tell Michael and Alex." Ivan was quick to grab Jesse's arm. "No! Absolutely not. They cannot know about this, especially Michael." He said. "What if they also received the video?" Jesse suggested. Ivan's eyes grew big and both boys rushed to the computer to see if if the video had indeed also been sent to Michael and Alex or to any other persons for that matter. Fortunately, there were only two recipients of the video--Ivan and Jake. "Jake's the only other person who got the video." Ivan stated. "I still think we need to tell Michael and Alex." Jesse said. "Jesse!" Ivan began. Jesse grew serious. "Ivan, friends shouldn't keep anything from each other. Like I shouldn't keep the fact that I've been sleeping with Andy." Ivan's brows furrowed as he tried to comprehend what Jesse had just said. "You're what?" "I'm sleeping with Andy Pearson." Jesse repeated. Ivan chuckled. "Yeah, right. Like he's gay." Jesse just looked at him. "You're serious?" Ivan asked. Jesse answered with an apology, "I'm sorry, Ivan. But I swear-- "You have been sleeping with Andy? The guy that ruined my life last year. You've been sleeping with him?!" Ivan couldn't prevent himself from raising his voice. "Okay, I swear I didn't know it was him at the time." Jesse explained but Ivan just looked at him. "I promise Ivan, okay? I..." Jesse paused to reconsider the idea that just popped into his head. "I swear on my entire porn collection." He said seriously. Ivan just snorted. "I'm serious. I'm talking about four hundred and nine x-rated videos that are forty gigabytes worth of memory." Jesse said, still with the serious look on his face. An amused smile formed on Ivan's face as he shook his head. "Four hundred nine?" Jesse shrugged. "Well, the last time I counted them." Ivan exhaled through his nose forcefully. "So you really had no idea it was him the whole time? And how many times exactly did you sleep with him?" He asked. Jesse looked to see if Ivan really wanted to know the exact number of times he and Andy had done it. "I think it's better if I-- "Don't answer that question, yeah." Ivan said to which both of them chuckled. "I just--I can't believe it, you know. You and Andy." "Totally. Didn't see that one coming either. Or rather, I did." Jesse joked. "He came so hard." He teased. Ivan's face scrunched up. "Ugh. That is just gross. And I can't get over the fact that he's gay. I mean, what a hypocrite. He's been a homophobe all his life but he's really a closet case. God!" "I heard from somewhere that sometimes, a person's hate is just a mere projection of what they hate most in themselves." Jesse said. Ivan nodded. "That makes sense, actually." There was a moment of silence as Jesse pondered if he should go behind Ivan's back and tell Michael and Alex about the video. Meanwhile, Ivan had a question he wanted to ask Jesse but he wasn't sure if he should. "You're not going to see him again, are you?" Ivan asked. Jesse was surprised by his question. "What? Of course not, dude. He's our enemy." Jesse said with a smile as he put his hand over Ivan's. "So are you sure you don't want to tell Michael and Alex? They could really help, you know." Ivan nodded. "I'm sure. And besides if we do tell them, it isn't like there's something we could all do about it." "We could delete the video from its main source." Jesse suggested. "What if he has other copies? And once he found out that we tried to delete it, he could release the entire thing on the internet for the whole world to see." Ivan explained. "Yeah." Jesse paused to think. "But isn't it at least worth the try? I mean, what if someone were to go to Andy's computer, delete the file, access his e-mail and delete everything that could be related to the video. I doubt that dumbass logouts his e-mail account." "That's too risky." Ivan said. "And in any case, who's going to go to his room to do the job?" Ivan already knew the answer when Jesse grinned. "No, no. Jesse, I don't want to you to see him again." "Why not?" Jesse asked. "Okay, what if he suddenly knows you're related to me and somehow figures things out. You'd be in trouble." "Please. That dumbass couldn't figure something like that out." "Well maybe. But still, it's a possibility and I can't risk you getting hurt." Ivan said. "But Ivan." Jesse tried to complain but Ivan interrupted him. Ivan talked firmly, "No, Jesse. We don't need to do anything. We just need to let the week pass and by then, he'll be out of town and back to college." "Fine." Jesse finally caved. "If that's what you want." But the truth was that Jesse knew that someone like Andy wouldn't really just stop tormenting Ivan and Jake. "I wonder how Jake is doing?" Ivan asked no one in particular. Jesse just shrugged. The next day, Ivan isolated himself again from Jesse, Michael and Alex. The three were having lunch together at the quad while Ivan was at his usual spot under the tree. "I thought I'd find you here." Ivan heard someone say. He looked up to see Jake standing over him. "Well, it's not like I'm the one who's avoiding you." Ivan quipped. Jake cringed and sat down in front of Ivan. "Yeah. I'm really sorry, Ivan. I just lost it yesterday. I'm so freaked out about Andy and all." Ivan scoffed. "Obviously. But speaking of freaking out, did you see the video he sent to the two of us last night??" "Yeah, about that... It came up on my phone last night." Jake began. There was a huge pause and Ivan just stared at him until he continued, "It came up on my phone last night when I was hanging out with Michael and he kinda saw it." "What?!" Ivan asked. Meanwhile on the quad, the same question was being asked by Jesse. "What?! You saw the video?" Jesse asked Michael. Michael looked at Jesse curiously, surprised that he knew about it. "Yeah, Jake was hanging out with me last night. He was in the bathroom when the message arrived on his e-mail and he told me to open it. But how did you know about the video anyway?" Before Jesse could explain, Alex broke in. "Hang on a sec, Michael told me earlier that the video was Jake and Ivan kissing and everything, right? So Jake and Ivan... are they..." "No." Michael and Jesse both answered. "Just friends." Jesse added. "And it only happened once. It was after he came out to us." Michael elaborated. Alex nodded and said, "I just--I can't believe Jake is gay. First Andy. Now Jake." "And soon Michael." Jesse added with a huge grin on his face. Alex looked at him, surprised while Michael just chuckled. "You wish." Michael said as he threw some crumbs of the muffin he was eating. "But I have to give it to Jake though. He was really good at hiding it. I mean, all this time I thought he was this womanizer." "Yeah! He had a different girl every week." Alex added. "So how did you know about the video Jesse?" Jesse told the two of them his side of the story. Back under the tree, Jake had just finished telling his version of the story. "I'm sorry but isn't it a little careless to let Michael read you're e-mails?" Ivan asked. "I mean, what if it's one of your... whatever they are." Jake chuckled. "Not really. I really don't give them my e-mail. They usually just text or call me but they are under my strict instructions that they should only call or text after I've texted them first just to be sure and all." "Well, aren't you the smooth operator." Ivan said sarcastically. Jake looked at Ivan, surprised by his remark. "You're mad at me, aren't you?" Ivan looked at him and said, "No." "Yeah, right. After what I pulled yesterday, you have every right to be mad at me." Ivan started picking on the grass in front of him. "I'm not angry. I guess I'm just disappointed." When Jake gave him a questioning look, Ivan continued, "You try so hard to avoid me or just to be not associated with me but when you're out there, you're everywhere. Just sleeping around with every guy you set your eyes on." "Ah. It's unfair to you, I know that. But you know how it is, everyone knows all about you, you know. And this whole business of Andy messing with my life kind of started with you too, if you'll remember. And the other day, you were just trying so hard to be there for me and you just wouldn't goddamn quit even though I was trying so hard to push you away. I'm sorry for that again." Jake said sincerely. "It's okay. I forgive you. And I'm still here for you." Ivan said with a smile. "Thanks. So what do you think we should do?" Jake asked. "Well, what do you think we should do?" Ivan threw the question back to Jake. "I think we just need to let this week pass. And try to avoid each other until Andy's gone. You're cool with that, right?" Jake suggested. "Of course. I think its best. I really don't want to provoke Andy into doing Even more terrible things." "Yeah. Fighting him would just lead to that." Jake said. Ivan laid himself down on the grass and said, "God, I just want this week to be over." Back at the quad, Jesse finally had someone who shared the same opinion about Andy as he had. "I just don't think Andy will stop." Michael said. "That's exactly what I thought!" Jesse exclaimed. "Even if that's true. What can we do? If we do anything, it could just set Andy off and that could only make things worse." Alex argued. Michael and Alex looked at each other as though they were conversing with their eyes. Michael sighed. "You know I just can't sit back and do nothing." "I really have a bad feeling about this." Alex commented, trying to convince Michael. "And I do too," said Jesse. "That's why like Michael, I want to do something about it. There's no telling what that dickhead is going to do with that video." Alex bit her bottom lip as she considered it. She really did have a bad feeling about any involvement with Andy. Somehow she just knew that whatever would happen would end ugly. "Alright, fine." She finally said. "What's the plan?" As the three of them devised a plan, Jake and Ivan were discussing how Jake explained the video to Michael after the boy saw it. "You should have seen his face! It was red all over." Jake chuckled as he recalled the memory. "And then when he saw me, he just started stammering but ended up just handing me my phone." Ivan smiled as he tried to picture Michael's face. "I can only imagine." He said. "At first I thought the e-mail was just my dad hammering me as usual which might be embarrassing to Michael and would make him blush at least a bit. But then I saw the video playing on my phone and that pretty much explained everything." Ivan chuckled. "I bet. So then it was you who needed to explain everything to Michael." "Yeah." Jake agreed with a chuckle. "I told him I was pretty much gay. Then he asked me about all the girls I've been sleeping with and I told him it was all just for show." "What did he say?" Ivan asked. "He really didn't say anything. He seemed disappointed though. And the funny thing is that he looked more disappointed that I've been fucking girls for my image than the fact that I'm gay." "Well, being gay doesn't really matter to Michael. That's just how he is." Ivan explained. "Did he ask about us?" Ivan asked trying to sound casual. "Yeah, he did." "What `d you tell him?" "I told him it only happened one time and we're just friends." Jake said. Ivan nodded and said, "I told Jesse the same thing." Ivan looked at Jake with a reassuring smile, which he returned. After school, Ivan went straight home. Even with Jake and him having already talked things through, he felt unease. There was this little voice inside his said that Andy had more plans to stir things up. Ivan didn't want to listen to it though. He wanted to believe that everything was going to be okay. Jake and him would just have to survive that week and after that, everything would be back to normal. To quiet that little voice, Ivan decided to arrange his CDs that were on a rack near his computer. He was thinking that his collection was nothing compared to Michael's and that suddenly reminded him of the CD Michael had given him a few days ago. He simply had not had the chance to listen to it before and then he had totally forgotted about it until then. Ivan searched for it and found the Oasis album in between the albums of Sarah McLachlan and Avril Lavigne. After inserting the CD, he played track three just as Michael had said and laid down on his bed, with the CD case on his hands. He looked at the back of the case and there it was, the song Michael mentioned--track three, Wonderwall. "Today is gonna be the day That they're gonna throw it back to you By now you should've somehow Realized what you gotta do I don't believe that anybody Feels the way I do, about you now" He smiled as he remembered the speech Michael gave him that one afternoon. Michael was so nervous. "You may not need me, Ivan but... I need you. You're the one I always depend on. You're my wonderwall." Those words echoed inside Ivan's whole being. And now as he listened to the song, they called up all sorts of strange feelings inside him. Strange feelings that somehow made him feel good inside, making his smile grow bigger and wider. "There are many things that I Would like to say to you but I don't know how I said maybe, you're gonna be the one that saves me And after all, you're my wonderwall" He was so lost listening to the song that he didn't hear Alex come in. "Hey," She greeted Ivan with a smile and a small wave. "Hey." He smiled and sat up on the bed. "I didn't hear you come in. What's up?" He grabbed the remote on his night stand and turned the music off. "We just came by to check on you." Alex said. When she saw the questioning look on Ivan's face, she added, "Oh. Michael's with me. He's just downstairs talking on his phone." "Okay. I'm just fine, as you can see." He said with a chuckle. Michael came into the room and said, "Hey. Was that my CD I was hearing earlier?" "Yeah." Ivan didn't know why but he just felt self-conscious at the moment. Like he was caught in the act or something. "He let me borrow one of his CDs." He explained to Alex. Michael smiled at Alex and proceeded on talking to Ivan. "We missed you at school today." He said. "Don't worry. Just a couple of more days and we'll be back to normal." Ivan said. He noticed Michael and Alex exchanging looks. "So we heard about the video--actually, Michael saw it and I just heard it from him." Alex said. "Wanna talk about it?" Ivan shrugged. "What's there to talk about? I mean, it's not like Andy sent it to everyone at school. I'm sure he did it just to freak me and Jake out." "So what are you planning to do?" Michael asked. "Nothing. Jake and I already agreed to just avoid each other and ignore Andy for the rest of the week. I can't let his homophobic self get to me. Once this week is over, Andy's gone and we can resume with our lives." Ivan said. "Ivan, are you sure about this? Are you sure he doesn't have anything else planned? Like spread the video?" Alex asked. "I'm not really sure but it's better to just let him be. Fighting him could just make things terrible. I don't want to provoke him into doing something worse." Ivan explained. Alex and Michael exchanged furtive looks. However, Ivan saw the whole interaction. "Guys. Promise me you won't do anything." Ivan said. Michael and Alex looked at him. "Please." Michael looked at Alex. "I promise." Alex said. Ivan smiled. "Thanks, Alex." He looked at his other best friend. "Michael?" Michael found it hard to say it but eventually did. "Yeah, I promise." Alex went beside Michael and put her arm around his waist. "We promise." She said with a smile that she mustered hard to convince Ivan. ______________________________________________________________________________ And that concludes Chapter 20. I can't believe the story's already on chapter 20. Anyway, what do you guys think? Do you think it's wrong for Ivan's friends to go behind his back? Or do you think it's for everyone's good? Also, I have some good news. I finally have some time to myself, well actually, at least until my classes start again by the second week of June. But until then... I hope I produce more chapters. Thanks again to Mr. Dennis S for patiently editing my work. For those who aren't still members of the facebook readers' page, We have lots of room for you guys. If you want to join, here's the link: http://www.facebook.com/groups/ISBreaders/ Thanks! Keep on reading :)