"People, less talking and more working" the English teacher said.
...yeah... yeah... maybe if I were stronger or with more biceps and chest ... if I liked soccer... `if' I were like this, however, who am I?
Well... sigh... I'm Phillip, not stating the obvious, er... let me see, what else... oh, yeah, I'm 5'10", about 150 pounds, yeah, I'm thin, not that it's particulary bad but... argh... anyway, I have straight dark brown hair, which now is a little longer than ears length... I want it to grow longer... actually it gets a reddish shade when the sun light reaches it sideways like in the evening or early in the morning. My skin... well, it's not bad at all, fortunately the zits don't pester me really often -- oh yeah, `cause if they did... I remember the first time a big one showed up, I freaked out to the dermatologist -- and I have a decent tan... er... only where the shorts and t-shirt don't cover, I walk a lot, ya know. My chest is kinda pale but nobody wants to see me naked, right? Welllll, I'd like some of them to... ahem, anyway, about my eyes... er... right now they are green-bluish... or blue-greenish?... not that they hadn't been hazel, grey... it depends on the lenses, I guess this pair's box said...
"Phillip!" Linda insisted.
"Er... what?" I replied as I was kinda lost in my thoughts.
"We gave you the questions we copied from the board, now we want the paper with the replies, ya know, the teacher, the exercises..." she continued.
"Oh yeah, this." I mumbled and handed it to her and with this the bell rang.
"Yeah, this you were resting your head on..." she commented and went towards the teacher.
"Look, where are you going and don't wanna tell us?" Linda said, teasing me as we were heading outside.
"I don't know, but I really like Levi's and Nike. The belt is nice too." she replied.
"I am not going anywhere, I'm already where I was going to... at school!" I said and giggled.
"You know what, you'r rich, Phillip, and deny it!" Linda commented.
"So... where are you going now?" Claire asked as I was heading to the lockers.
"Traning... I gotta swim."
"You're addicted to it... you're gonna get strong." Linda commented.
"I'm tryin'." I said and winked. She sent me a kiss from far, actually they all did with `byes'.
Sigh, aaand I'm here stuck on the eleventh grade, so that, I'm 17, ya know, it's `cause my birthday is more to the end of the year... by the way the school year is already winding down and things keep the same.
I went towards the lockers. I changed to my speedos, took the goggles, the cap and the towel and headed to the pool.
As usual, there wasn't anybody there and I would train some swimming strokes, alone, as everybody would hurry home with the final bell... I wouldn't `cause I didn't have much to do at home aaand I am way too accomplished to let my workouts down.
Maybe you think training alone is better like having the pool to myself, but it isn't really like that, besides seeing more people doing exercises is already motivating, mind you having someone to workout with ya... whatever.
I had some crawl strokes to begin, then a few fast butterfly strokes -- only a few are quite tiring, however very beautiful... unfortunately it isn't like there's someone to appreciate -- and I may say I'm getting better. Keeping it, I had a few fast back strokes, not faster than several crawl strokes to finish. Maybe fast because I was angry, accomplished... oh, and surely because I didn't wanna spend too long there as I had something very important to do... shopping!
I went home to change my clothes `cause, ya know, when you go to the stores you really like (if it means the expensive ones, of course) you get more attention from the salespeople when you're better dressed (meaning with a few nice labels showing) and grab more attention in general, which is great and it only increases with the amount of bags. Of course, I heard some unpleasant things from mom... but I didn't really care as I had the credit card and mom nor dad appareantly care, after all, dad is a doctor and it's really flattering saying it when people ask and mom... well, I can't really know what she wants from me as everything I do or say seem wrong to her... but that's another subject.
I just walked for the first hour, as I was at the mall, ya know, to see what I wanted and pretend to my mind that I was seeing the prices... actually letting myself vulnerable to the things that popped to my eyes like the new Madonna's DVD, a zippered sweater, a new pair of sneakers that I wanted...
As I was walking I crossed pathes with Bruce and a few of his friends, ya know, I used to have classes with him, but don't have anymore, so... his friends, really.
"Hey, Phillip, what's up? Three bags already, not bad." he said.
"Yeah, I guess." I said and smiled.
"Have you already seen the result of the last exams at school?" he continued.
"Er... not really, why?"
"Because you took the first place. Next time, I guess you're gonna correct the teachers." he said and chuckled, so did the other guys.
"Thanks." I said with a smile. In doubt of taking it as a compliment or an insult, I conveniently went to the first option "And you, what are you guys doing here?" I asked, changing the subject.
"Just hanging around." Gary said.
"Alright." was my reply.
"Okay, see ya then, Phillip." Bruce said and with this they were gone. Aham, they didn't invite me to join'em but... whatever, I was shopping...
... so I went to Calvin Klein and just saw an inside out t-shirt -- aaactually, it wasn't inside out because there were things written and they were right but you could see the stitches... -, okay, okay, it wasn't inside out really, it was an exposed stitch t-shirt -- see how chic it looks with this name? Hehe -- anyway, it's written `Calvin Klein, New York' or something like that to prove it isn't inside out... if it were something else written, but with Calvin Klein people couldn't contest me. Wearing several t-shirts to make sure of which are better is great, ya know, you feel beautiful in front of the store's mirror, but it's sooo hard to choose. The fabrics are great, like very thing cotton, almost ripping apart buuut almost transparent too. In the end I took only two t-shirts, oh but not only... indeed I bought a denim jeans, okay, I admit another one -- but this one is darker -- and a few other things like the sneakers, the DVD, other t-shirts...
It feels great putting the new clothes in the wardrobe to improve the closet, ya know... but once it's all finished the emptiness comes.
Oh god, I got too carried away, by now you must think I'm flashy and stuck up and even go along that I'm rich... sorry.
By the time the clothes were already inside the closet the emptiness came, as it was supposed to be once I got aware that I'd spent the money only to make me feel better... and it didn't work that well. The feeling was supposed to be like I spent a lot on things for me because I am worth it but it turns to be more like I'd trade it all for a good friend, a true friend... because deep down, since the beginning, I've known that I don't want t-shirts, sneakers, belts... I want a friend... sigh.
So I would only go to bed feeling `totally empty' meaning like a total loser, not before going through taking the lenses off and putting the retainers on which is annoying -- just to cooperate with the wrecked appearance by the end of the day -- and with my pajama's shorts I was ready to bed.
I lay down onto the mattress looking at the ceiling, in the dark. Feeling the tireness through my body I reminded of my busy day with school, the workout, shopping... yeah, maybe life is good... and I couldn't help a smile. Taking my glasses off, I shrugged to relax some tension off of my shoulders, then bent my head to both sides to relax my neck a little, brushing my hair on the pillow; I tensed and relaxed my legs.
I was reminded that despite the amount of things that I had already done, there still was something missing as with the relaxation I got an erection pushing against my shorts and I ran my fingers over my chest, then on my tummy towards my navel reaching the shorts' waistband.
I took the shorts off and grabbed my balls with one hand and my erection with the other and thought to myself inquiring about what was making me so horny. Images were flashing on my mind about Bruce, my cousin, the guys on the lockers...
With this, I was stroking faster and ran one hand on my inner thighs making me shiver. I bent my head backwards with a little moan and raised my arms, laying my hands on my hair, flexing my biceps, feeling the breeze under my arms and flexing my abs, arching my back.
I took my shaft on my hand once more and rested the other hand on my navel while I started stroking slowly but I was already feeling a strong urge and couldn't help the stroke getting faster along with my breathing. I bent my head forward and saw my chest redenning and my shaft pulshing on my hand as I felt an enourmous urge and bent my head backwards.
Cum landed on my chest, tummy and navel, and some on my hand as I was breathing heavily, feeling my face warming with the heat.
I wipped most of it with paper and laid my head on the pillow once more as I was lying on the sheets, thinking. I was thinking about how tired of pretending I was... pretending I was cool, beautiful, smiling all the time... pretending I was strong, being helpful all the time to get nothing back.. from anyone.
At that moment I wasn't strong, I felt so weak and lonely, ripping apart, because nobody was there for me and my heart was tearing apart as my body was already aching. I felt it tense up and my breathing changed... I started crying.
"S'always like that... it was about time." I thought as I felt the first tears rolling on my cheek followed by a few others.
I started sobbing as the tears were shedding and put the covers on as I shievered with the sobs. As I cried, my mouth was drying due to the retainers, my eyes were getting itchy because of the lenses usage, making more tears fall, but I didn't care.
I just didn't wanna see the faces of those who'd take advantage of me while I could stand like that... as nobody was there for me...I may say, as everybody was there pretending there was nothing wrong because this way there supposedly wouldn't be any problem and things remained `easier'... for them. I was drifting off... I just wanted to sleep and not to wake up anymore.