"I gotta change the CD I use to wake up." I thought to myself.
I was lying on the bed, no, I didn't feel sleepy `cause I'd slept enough but I didn't wanna get up. I just didn't wanna see those people again, I didn't wanna see anyone indeed.
"I could just `get sick' right now `cause somehow I already am... sick of them all..." I was thinking "No, I have to go... whatever."
With such thoughts I got up, grabbed some briefs and went towards the bathroom.
As the water was falling I got under the spray to wake up at all, letting the water soak my hair and fall on my face, running over my body.
I soaped my hands and spread some soap on my chest, my back, got some more soap to my arms and armpits, then I ran my soaped hands on my navel towards my thighs. I lathered my legs, washing my feet as well. Then I washed my face. I let the water run through my hair and over my face as I closed my eyes. I soaped my hands to wash my butt, my cock and my balls -- noooo, I wouldn't forget these parts... hehe.
After drying myself, I put my briefs on and moved towards the sink and the mirror to brush my teeth.
With the lenses already in and the hair combed I took a last look at the mirror "Yeah, it has to do." I said to myself and smiled at the reflection.
"Okay, Phillip." I thought to myself as I sighed "This has to be fast..." I thought as I looked at the closet "... and here we go."
That was easy, black jeans and a white t-shirt, and then I went having breakfast.
Dad was already gone as if he would talk to me anyway, mom was sleeping that early, of course -- but in this case better than talking -- oh yeah, and there was my sister.
"Hey, `morning." I said as she was at the kitchen. I got a glass and went getting some milk.
"'Bye, Phillip." she said closing the door as I was looking inside the fridge. Sigh, and this was my family interaction during breakfast.
However, I got some milk with cereal, bread along with ham and cheese, a piece of cake... oh and a glass of soda... yeah, maybe I eat too much, but hey, I said I'm thin.
After eating, I brushed my teeth again before taking my binder and leaving to school. I passed through the lobby and it looked like the morning confusion had already started but I took my woody way -- no, there wasn't any wood area, I just meant that the sidewalks had many trees and there were a few nice squares nearby.
I was walking and looking at the flowers on the trees and those buildings full of colorful glasses wondering if someday I'd have the money to live in one of those... as if I didn't already live in a building nearby, but hey, not all the buildings near downtown and the traffic jams and squares and sidewalks with trees are that expensive `cause it ain't like I'm rich or something. But that wasn't exactly what I wanted, I mean, it isn't really important... the place wouldn't make a difference if I became like dad, who's never home, or mom that's never pleased and always wants more not really knowing what she wants. It seems they don't really like me... it's like they send me to school and give me things and some money because they feel it's their duty.
"Am I becoming like them?... Am I a bad person... maybe that's why they don't like me" the thoughts were flowing on my mind as I felt the first tear roll on my cheek as I was walking and the breeze was brushing against my hair under the morning light.
"It ain't like somebody's lookin'." I assumed as the thoughts were pestering my mind and suddenly there was a silence "... nobody likes me." I realized, I said to myself inside my mind, as the tears were falling and this sentence was echoing in my head.
Images were flashing on my mind... my parents, my schoolmates... talking about it, I was approaching the school. I wipped the tears with my hands "Nobody's gonna notice, it isn't the first time." took a deep breathe and smiled.
Now I had only to take my books from the locker and go to class.
As I entered the classroom, there were Bruce, Linda, er... Ryan... well, everybody, and I went through the morning greetings and didn't make much conversation `cause I didn't really feel like talking though they didn't have to notice it.
The day was taking its course and before break, there was the history class that I particulary like... ya know, I guess I like the classes, ok, ok, sometimes it's boring but we learn good stuf and it's important and everything... actually people annoy me... they even said a few times that I interfere in the classes, history specially, only `cause I ask things I wanna know, but well, that's why the teacher is there, however the history teacher loses the track easily.
"...and in socialism, there aren't social classes and people are equal and the government provides good health and education services to people." the teacher was saying.
"Teacher, isn't it that true that in this way there aren't starving and homeless people like we have on streets?" Melissa asked.
"Yeah, that's true." was the reply.
"Maybe people would live better this way." she continued.
"I disagree, I think people aren't all equal, I think people are different and those who have more worked for it."
"Oh Phillip, c'mon, you're defending the riches." Linda said to me but it didn't deny the discussion until the bell ring and er... we kinda went out of the track.
The halls were getting noisy as everybody was starting the break and Ryan was passing by as I got out of the classroom.
"Hey, Ryan." I said.
"Which class were you having now?" I asked.
"I had a chemistry test and I sucked." he replied.
Ryan is 5'9" or 5'10" like me, maybe the same weight too, though I think he's not as thin as I am -- however I always assume I'm too thin. He has straight blond hair -- actually golden -- by shoulders length, kinda long then, along with green eyes, very green.
"You always say that and do just fine." I replied.
"But this time I'm serious... talking about tests, congrats for your first place in the last exams." he said.
"Thanks, I saw you took a good seventh place, not bad, congrats for you too." I said and smiled and shook his hand congratulating him. He kinda chuckled and shrugged as we were already outside.
"You were much better." he said.
"There were only a few points and some luck, I'm sure." I said as we were approaching his friends.
As they were talking aout the test, I was only paying attention, besides, I'd probably have the same test soon, well, not the same, but alike, ya know.
"Phillip!" Linda yelled at me "Aren't you gonna buy lunch?"
"C'mon!" Ashley yelled as well.
As the guys weren't really giving me attention, I gladly `had to leave' because there were people who were calling me... and I had to have lunch, of course.
Next class was geography and the teacher was talking about the European population, that they were having much less kids maybe due to the fact things are getting more expensive, and that it should a global tendency. I like thinking about the way things are gonna be in the future... I think people should think more about it than looking only at their bellybuttons and their wallets doing things like `only because they are supposed to'.
"...the divorce is getting more common too, due to the problems to keep a family and the expenses. Many times, the couple gets stressed, working too much due to the kids's expenses and it's not uncommon that working too much they raise unpleased kids that don't have the parents around, who can cause even more problems and stress..." the teacher was saying.
"Teacher, I can't get it, now you say that the divorce is the son's fault?" I inquired and started another arguing in class, because lately blaming the kids for the things was getting too common... starting at home.
On the last class, there were only a few minutes left and I'd be able to tell myself I managed one more day when Lit's teacher showed up by the door.
"Hi, may I interfere for a minute?" she said to the teacher, coming in.
"Oh, of course, actually they're only finishing exercises." the teacher said
.   "I'm here to give Phillip the school's certification due to his first place in the last exams, as you probably already know." she said and gave me the paper, actually a nice paper, with the school's name, my name... and that I'd surely save among my things at home.
"Congratulations, Phillip." she said and smiled. After that she went talking to the teacher, but that was their business.
"Hey dear, congrats." Claire said "...now you can save it with the others you have." she continued. "Now I can use it to ask for money." I thought to myself.
"I bet he has a pile of those at home." Ashley completed and the girls were laughing.
"Some time from here I can say I was schoolmate of the smartest guy in the world." Linda said and giggled.
"Hey, congrats mate" ... "I bet they missed something and actually you got more" ... "He couldn't get more I guess!" the guys were `congratulating me'.
Deep down, I knew they were teasing me, but I didn't really care and it was always like that. There was some jealousy, maybe, although I assume that teasing me, being annoying... making sure of letting me know I wasn't normal, that I don't belong, made'em feel better.
Finally, the bell rang, I got rid of everybody and went towards the gym.
"Swimming yesterday, weight-lifting today and keeping it up during the week may do for a good workout." I thought to myself at the lockers while I was changing my clothes... I couldn't help thinking that keeping it up would take some effort and force of will... and it ached some too.
In a Nike t-shirt, good to practice sports, slightly loose, along with some shorts and sneakers I was managing the bench press.
"This exercise is hard to do... the plates don't help... but it has to be heavy." I was thinking, taking a few deep breathes before continuing, lying and looking at the ceiling as I saw a face looking downwards at me.
"Hi, Phillip." Ryan said and smiled at me while his hair was falling, almost covering his smile.
"Hi." I said and smiled after managing a sitting positing to look at him properly.
"So, are you training too?" I asked.
"I do it occasionally" he said "... maybe I should be regular at it." He continued -- more to himself than to me.
"I keep it every week." I said as I lay again to get the bar upon my chest.
"Do you come to the gym everyday?" he asked.
"Oh, sometimes I swim instead." I said and he kinda averted his gaze to the floor.
"So, is there no finish line?" he asked out of the blue.
"What?" I simply asked back as I didn't get it.
"There, on your t-shirt, it's written `There Is No Finish Line', so isn't there?" he explained and pointed at my torso.
"Oh, this." I said bending my head forward and realizing it was actually written upon my torso. "Well, for my accomplishments there isn't, really." I continued and sighed reminding that it ached and that I pushed myself to it everyday.
"Do you want some help?" he offered.
"No, I can..." I started saying as he was already with his hands at the bar too, as I could see bending my head backwards.   He was looking at me with his green eyes and a calm expression. He was wearing some yellow t-shirt and some shorts that were showing most of his thighs, even more than mine though I guess he wasn't totally self-conscious and I could see his pair of flexed thighs as he was standing, only a few inches from my eyes, and the thin hairs barely visible. "Well, I can't keep looking nor thinking of that or I ain't gonna be able to keep the exercise." I thought to myself and lifted the bar.
As I was moving the bar up and down I could see his arms as he was helping me and his hands. There were his very pale wrists -- well, I guess wrists aren't tanned -- and his pink palms and this thin and long fingers under the bar.
"Aren't you gonna finish?" Ryan asked and took me back to the reality and I lifted the bar the last time.
"Do you always do that much... that's hard." Ryan said.
"Er... I guess I wasn't really counting." I said.
"I assume you lifted it around twenty times." he said.
"Oh... I was gonna lift it only ten times... well I did it good." I said and smiled. "Have you already started your exercises?" I asked.
"Not yet." he said. "This one is fine to me." he continued referring to the one I'd just finished.
"So, now I help ya." I said.
"Okay." he said as we switched positions.
We kept doing that until finishing the workout. I admit it took almost twice more time for me to finish but that was fun... I didn't even realize the time passing by... much better than finishing faster but pushing myself to do so.
"I guess we're finished now." I said as we made the last one.
"Yeah." he said taking his breath and smiled.
"I don't have much to do. Do you wanna come over and play video games or somerhing like that?" I said.
"Thanks, but I can't. Mom wants me to arrive early today `cause we're gonna have dinner at aunt's." he said. I was already expecting a refusal.
"S'okay." I simply said.
"I wish I didn't have to go, it's boring, this family's thing... meal interaction, ya know?" he told me as I thought he was complaining with no point as I couldn't have a family meal the way my family is... I wish I could.
"So, thank you for the help." I said.
"I thank you for your help." he assured me.
"Aaalright." I said and smiled.
"See ya tomorrow then, Phillip."
As I finished homework, my parents were already at home and as they wouldn't `come and warmly greet their son' I went downstairs to show them my first place at the school's exam.
"Hey mom, see, I took the first place doing the school's exam." I said showing her the paper I got earlier from the teacher.
"I don't have time to see it now, I'm cooking dinner." she said.
"Talking'bout it, what are you cooking" I asked.
"These are leftovers from lunch... it seems nobody eats in this house, nobody has the right time not even for the meals." she was saying and cooking.
"Alright, these are only leftovers. Can't ya just look at the paper for a second?!"
"Ya know, the first place, the last place... as long as you pass, it's all the same for me." she affirmed. I didn't even dare commenting about it.
"Er... where's dad?" I asked.
"I guess he's late again..." she said. "What are you doing here, don't you have something else to do?"
I went to my room, to settle things a little, I hate a mess. In my room there's a bookshelf -- where I leave the school's stuff too --, the stereo, the computer on the desk, the closet and, oh yeah, the bed.
Dad was already at home as I went to the living room.
"Dad, I took the first place at school, see?" I said showing it to him.
"It's your duty... the much you spend..." he said.
"Alright, I need fifty bucks to buy new trunks, I swim, ya know."
"Here, take it and let me watch the news." And that was it. This time it costed him fifty bucks for me to stop bothering him.
That night, as I was lying on the bed, I was thinking.
"S'always like that, I gotta be teased, insulted... my grades don't matter, a mate can't accept an invitation... Damn, where's God?!!?!" I was thinking and my breathing was getting heavy and I felt angry.
I hit the pillow several times and threw the covers away... took my shorts off and held my hard cock.
I shrugged my shoulders and was pressing hard my shaft and stroking it, fastly... I guess I could even hurt myself like that but I was thinking only about release, release of the anger, the tension, the building urge.
I moaned as I felt the cum working its way out and grabbed my aching balls. I felt some warm drops on my chest and navel and my breathing getting even heavier.
My cock's head was so sensitive and the foam the cum formed felt so good against it and I was getting even harder as I gasped and thick cum fell on my hand, and it was feeling messy and sooo good, and the tension was gone with the angry.
Sweat was already on my heating and heaving chest, the cum was drying as I bent my head forward to take a look while I ran my hands between my thighs and took a deep breath, closing my eyes and images were flashing.
"My cousin with no clothes on, Bruce drying his hair at the lockers... Gary in the halls with that tight t-shirt... the guy I saw on the street earlier..."
I gasped for air as some more cum made its way out and I contracted all of myself and started breathing heavily looking at the blank.
"Why do I have to think of so wrong things..." I inquired inside of my mind and felt the lump in my throat.
"Is it wrong wanting someone to feel close to, the warmth, the skin..." I was asking to nobody, to myself, to my heart, as the first tear fell.