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If Red could help
I get down slowly, listening to the voice in the kitchen. It is just small talk. At the end of the stair I turn in the kitchen to see that Alain a woman that I suppose is Tom mom, Tom and Seth in the kitchen. They all get up shouting, including my brother, happy birthday Reginald. Everybody smile and speak in the same time , except me. Tom get close to me and said in my ear.
-Tom "It don't bother me, I am ok with it"
-Red I relax and said "I really don't like surprise"
-Mother "Stop mumbling and sit at the table"
My brothers sit on my right, Tom and Seth at my left. Seth sit just beside me, he look at as if I have strange hair colour. By the way it true I have dye hair.
-Red "Hey Seth did I have something hanging from my nose?"
-Red "Did I have a third arm or something?"
-Tom "Give him a chance, he was thinking that you were 7 foot tall, at least"
-Seth "No, it not true, I am not stupid" looking at Alain "Dad have said that you don't have a strait look, but he did not said that you have so much rings."
-Red "How do you find it? Weird"
-Seth "No but I don't fit with a karate fighter"
-Red "Yes my teacher think the same ting" smiling at him.
-Tom "Leave it Seth, he may be looking weird but he is ok"
-Seth "I have not said that it only looking weird"
-Alain "Guys we have a party here"
-Alain "Red meet Florence my wife"
-Red "Nice to meet you."
We ate roast, it was very good by the way, mostly having good time. At the end it was the cake and they sing to me big deal, but I like it. After eating it was the time for the gifts. Mon and dad gave me a MP3 player and some memory for it, Andrew gave me a wooden frame with a picture of him and Mike, Mike gave me a leather wrist band with a skull engrave on it under the skull it write "Mess with Red and be Dead", Tom and Seth gave me CDs of all the Dead Kennedys, Alain and Flo gave me envelope with $500.00 in. When I see the cash, I give it back Alain firmly said no. Was very happy of my gift, I thank everyone first I pick Mike and thank him for his work, he done it at school as Andrew I thank him to. When it was a little quieter the 5 of us when to my room the little one play on my computer as Tom and me speak softly.
-Red "I was thinking that you were completely freak out by me being gay you know"
-Tom "At first I was surprise your not the type, but my therapist tell me that there I no such thing as a gay type. There is no bad or good gay, there is good or bad person. That is."
-Red "I just want your friendship, I don't want to jump in your pant. My friends don't know all of me."
-Tom "Could be a friend that know all of you if you still want it."
-Red "Yep, could be cool."
-Tom "I don't n know if I am gay but I am not interest for now."
-Red "I am ok with it."
Later on I have to show my tattoo, Mike have tell Seth about it. Tom come with me in the bathroom to wet the dressing and get it off. There is not to much scab, the colour seem to hold. They look for a few minutes then I ask to Mike to put some salve on. He do it smiling ear to ear.
-Seth "Now you look like a real punk, rings, tattoo, leather." Looking in my eyes "Why?"
-Red "Humm, to shock or to protest against the peoples looking nice but acting as monsters or worst without giving a shit about the others security or emotion." Looking in his eyes "Also do you want to mess with a guy looking like me, do you think that you can give me hard time and go with it." Smiling "You get the point."
-Seth "Dress like it to don't have to fight to often."
-Red "Yes you get one of the point." I smile to them "Good thinking for a little guy like you."
-Tom "You don't like to fight?"
-Red "It strange, I like the feel of the movement in the fight. I like the beauty of a technique well apply. I like the stress of the fight. I don't necessarily like the result."
-Andrew "Can we go to the park Red?"
-Red "Yes, take ball and glove."
Before we leave to the park I have to ask mother for a new dressing. We play for almost an hour before my brothers find some friends and your three brothers where playing with them. Tom and speak a lot about what had happen to him. At one point he was convinced that he deserve that treatment, that pain it was his fault, he was a scum bag. When he said that I just hold his shoulder. He smile at me and go ahead. I still have trouble to believe that you want to hang with me, my head know it but my heart still don't believe it. I will fuck up and you will beat the shit out of me. I know that is not true and I fear it senseless. I could not help it.
-Tom "Do you want to hang with me anyway?"
-Red "Yep. To be sure that I cant beat the shit out of you come with me to train in Aikido." I said smiling at him.
-Tom "Do you think I can?"
-Red "Yep, it easy even a fag can learn it." He punch me in the shoulder.
-Tom "Cut it off smart mouth."
-Red "You can come with me Wednesday I present you to Ray."
-Tom "How much it is?"
-Red "Let me work it out. I work for Ray. By the way I likely be the one how will train you"
-Tom "I could be as good as you?"
-Red "Yep, I am not a natural I take the time to learn it." I said smiling at him saying almost the truth. When I was beginning in Aikibudo I was wanting to be a samurai. For the first two years I put all my energy in that.
-Tom "What did I need?"
-Red "Almost noting a judogy, towel, soap, comb that it."
-Tom "I ask to dad."
He left running to the house. I look at the bunch of brothers playing ball. This end of afternoon was perfect, I feel very good. How could have the right to said to me that I cant like or love him or her. The sex of the love one it secondary. I have to feel the love the emotion and for now I feel it for Tom. Love it not suppose to be a selfish emotion, it suppose as I see it to be about sharing, emphatic, caring. It suppose to fulfill your life.
Oops, zone out again. Tom put his hand on my shoulder and I jump almost three foot high.
-Tom "Sorry" smiling "You have to talk with my father but it ok."
-Red "Good Tom, I will have to put a bell on you." I said grinning at him
-Tom "Seth we will go at Red house."
-Mike smiling "Thomas it is Reginald." Using the tone of voice of the commander.
-Tom "Have fun any way big mouth."
We go to the house to see his father. We get in the kitchen seeing all four adults there talking. We talk about the course. What Tom need to follow it? How much it cost? I said to Alain that I work for Ray and teach for the new student and mostly the younger one. That I will manage something with Ray. It normally $90. for three months, up to five time a week. In summer it down to four days week but up to two time per day on each day. Course are for about two hours each time plus shower and coffee time. Mother have to put her point saying that coffee could be longer than the course. Around 17:00H they all gather and hug and kiss everybody wishing goodbye to all of us. I said to Tom that I call him lather that night. After the Neuville left my parents wish me happy birthday again they hug me, mother hug me and whisper in my ear that she was sorry about the slip but she not sorry about me being gay. You are how you are she said, I love that person she said kissing me. My brothers and me climb to my room, we pick a tape Frankenstein Jr. de Mel Brook a classic. In the morning we wake up on the bed still dress and sweaty, I push them in the direction of the bathroom saying shower time is long time pass. I when in the family room to call Tom and to excuse myself about not calling yesterday. Hi Alain, I call to talk to Tom I fall asleep before calling.
-Tom "Hi Red you have fall a sleep"
-Red "Yep, sorry I was suppose to call you yesterday."
-Tom "It ok did you call Ray?"
-Red "Nope I call you first, how do you feel?"
-Tom "I am ok, call me when you have some news ok."
-Red "No problem, call you back." He really want to follow that course.
-Red "Mom I will go to the dojo do I need to bring something back?"
-Mother "No Reginald, ho soon this morning you have a call from Sergio"
-Red "Did he leave a number?"
-Mother "Sorry darling he just ask for you saying that he call back"
What Sergio want from me and how give him my number? I shower take off my ring and comb my hair. Mike giggle.
-Mike "Going to the dojo Reg?"
-Red "You know it, I am in disguise just for Ray."
I get in the kitchen in polo shirt and blue jean, with Nike. What you have to do to learn. It take around twenty minutes to go to the dojo. It was quiet there is no student in I knock on Ray door. He ask me in.
-Red "Hi mister Blanc, how are you?"
-Ray "Good very good mister Devar, which is the subject of your visit?"
-Red "I just want to inscribe a new student Thomas Neuville. He will be here next Thursday and will need a judogy."
-Ray opening a file "It perfect in summer we have less students. Do you think there is someone that will last with us?"
-Red "He is enthusiast about the course. Can I said something that have to stay only between us? It is very sensible to him."
-Ray "I will not speak without permission."
-Red "He have been abuse badly, burn with a cigar and mostly terrorise by sadistic. Worse a member of his family."
-Ray "His he ok?"
-Red "He is follow by a therapist he look ok. I just want to said it to you in case. On the good side learning martial art could give him confidence in himself."
-Ray "His he a friend of your?"
-Red "Yes, he is about my age."
-Ray "Ok he will learn with you, if you need any help ask don't forget ask.
Ray his a very good guy I was sure of his reaction. Before leaving his office I pay for three months any way I have the money. I ask ray if I could take a judogy medium size to bring it to my friend he will pay it Thursday. I take my summer schedule and discreetly bow to him. I get in a restaurant to phone to Tom.
-Red "Hi could I speak to Tom, this is Reginald?"
-Flo "Hi wait a minute please Red."
-Tom "Hi Red how the news?"
-Red "You will train with me on Thursday at 10:00H. It will be twenty-one students, I know a little more than half of them."
-Tom "Ho, it will be a lot of people in that class."
-Red "No don't bother class of twenty it normal for me, I have your judogy do you want it?"
-Tom "Sure wait a sec."
He spoke to someone off the phone.
-Tom "We come to get you if you have the judogy ting."
-Red "I could go to your place."
-Tom "No dad his here and want to pick you up if you want to."
I give him direction to get in front of the restaurant and when in front to wait for they to pass to pick me up. Sitting on the sidewalk I was thinking about the course that I have to give and as usual I zone out. Tom make me jump again.
-Tom "Red? I almost did not recognise you"
-Red "Yep it is my martial art disguise." Smiling back at him. I gave him the bag that I have with me."
-Tom looking inside "This is a judogy?"
-Alain "Hey boys climb in I block the street."
-Red "Hi, thank for the lift."
-Alain "Don't mention it Red. Looking straight, where is the punk?"
-Tom "This is his martial art disguise" he said smiling at me.
-Red "Normally I should go home to change I will make an exception."
-Alain "If you want we can pass at your home to warn your parent that you will ate with us, if you want to."
-Red "Yes why not?" Tom look very happy of the news.
We go to my house then to their house. Seth come right at my side saying.
-Seth "Wow lot of change, why?"
-Tom "It is a disguise."
-Seth "Duh stop making fun of me."
-Red "It is true Seth I only dress like that to go to the dojo." Smiling at him "It is my martial art disguise."
-Seth looking at us not sure if he have to believe that "Yes any way"
-Red "Tom go to your room to put on your judogy."
I follow Tom, he put on his judogi. I show him how to tie the belt. And tell him that he have to wash it before the course, using a little bit of Javel, not to dry it in the electric dryer. I also speak that I will wear an hakama I describe it as black or dark blue, mine are black, pant with very wide legs and covering the foot. I explain to him that in the time of the samurai it was to hide the foot. Hiding by that your stance to your enemy. For now you are white belt you will have the white, yellow, orange, green, blue, brown and black. The meaning of the black belt is that you know your basic technique and can apply them. Tom listen and that he did not have any questions. We speak about his brother Ernest how is in therapy also he as a diagnostic psychosis with sadistic tendency. He will be send to a psychiatric facility. They did not tell how much time he will be there. Tom said to me that Ernest was not like that, ok he always been a little rough on the edge, he was ok. He take care of Tom and Seth but two years ago he began to be strange having weird reaction. Last year he began to harass Tom being more and more violent. At this point Tom start crying softly. Seth tell to Tom that Ernest demand to him not eat or things like not pee for hours and doing all kind of bounding. At that point I hug Tom tight listening to the rest of his story. I was convince that it was my fault that Ernest have to punish me for my mistake that I was bad and useless. He choke a bit.
-Red "It ok Tom this is Ernest the sick one not you. Try to come at peace with what have happen. You could not change the past."
-Tom "Why he is sick like that? Could I have prevent it?"
-Red "Have you lately take a psychology course?"
-Red "The only manner to prevent this is to be trained to deal with it and your not period."
-Tom "Are you sure?"
-Red "Pretty sure any way ask to your therapist. He will tell you."
-Tom wiping his face "I am so fuck up."
-Red "Don't say it. You have pass a very hard time without any support you been good I would been worse than you are if it have be me."
-Tom "I don't know for sure you should have fight with Ernest."
-Red "And what if you have been able to beat the shit out of him. Did have that have cure him, do you believe it Tom?"
-Red "The facts are Ernest is sick. You and Seth have been abuse. Your parent have not see any thing. Ernest have to heal. You and Seth have to right to be piss off at your parents. You and Seth have to heal and you all have to talk about it.
-Tom "You think?"
-Red "I am not a therapist but it seem logical, the job of a parent is to protect their kid. Not be able to do that can be explain but it not suppose to happen."
We are call down to ate. Tom was very quiet when we ate our supper. After we talk about the course and when he need to be there for it. At one point he hold my hand I did not know how to react to it then I did not react at all. Talking he let my hand go we ended our talking. His dad give me a lift home. He ask me what we talk about I answer him Aikibudo and for the rest he have to talk to Tom. He sigh loudly looking at the road. Your not the average Joe at your age I did not dare to answer like that. You have guts it why you don't take shit. I have the right to not really like it. He leave me in front of my house at 20:45H wishing me good evening. I when in saying my hi.
-Mother "How was the day? Reginald"
-Red "Ok, Thomas will follow some course with me." Smiling at her.
-Mother "You have not ask lot of thing from Mr Blanc."
-Red "Nope you know me better."
-Father "He will begin next Thursday? Reginald."
-Red "Yep, morning course."
-Mother "Did his parents like it?"
-Red "I don't know for his mother but his father is happy with it. Most important Tom is happy with it."
-Father "Yes that right."
We took a coffee talking for few minutes. After that I when to my room, booting the machine working on the punk project. I replace the info in the different file, taking notes for further information about topics find on the net. I was working when Mike put his on my shoulder making me jump. I was out of there and did not ear or feel him as usual when I work. It the reason why I never work in school, lot of distractions and peoples that do not respect the privacy of my mind students or teachers.
-Mike "Hi red what do you do?"
-Mike "Yerk! Your in vacation.?"
-Red "I work because it is a fun project and if I do it in my vacation I will work less when I go back to school."
-Mike "Do you want to come with me at the mall tomorrow Red."
-Red "Yes what time do you want to go grunt."
Ho fuck I forgot Sergio.
-Red "Mother did Sergio call back?"
-Mother "I think that he call four time but he don't leave message, I am not certain."
-Red "Ok thank mom."
What did he want from me?