Date: Sun, 04 Jan 2004 00:05:37 +0000 From: Matt417 _ Subject: I'll See You Soon - Chapter 2 Disclaimer: Whoops I used the wrong disclaimer on the first chapter. To clarify, this is not a work of fiction, but involves romance/sex between male teenagers. If this offends you, or is illegal in your country or state/province, do not read any further. This story is, for the most part, true. Maybe that's why it sucks. Only some small details had to be changed to keep the flow of the story going. Last names to the characters will not be given out. Any contact information included in the story regarding the characters will be fake. Any comments and/or constructive criticism can be sent to dressedtokill41787@hotmail.com Copyright(c) 2004 All rights reserved. I'll See You Soon - Chapter Two by matt417 *** I was thirteen and it was the summer. My family and I were vacationing in the Bruce Peninsula, but all I could think about was Graham. I would do anything for that boy. I'd never loved anyone so much. It didn't matter what anyone else thought. Okay, so I didn't know if he liked me back or even if he was gay at all. But it was the feeling that counted. I was in love with him, and if that's the feeling I felt, or thought that I felt, that was it. There was no negociating. The feelings were so powerful that they kept me convinced that I loved him. And recently, especially on the last day of school, I could've sworn that he felt something too. I was never really close friends with him, but on that last day of school, he went out of his way to talk to me, to connect with me. Didn't he feel it too? He had to! Or maybe I was turning little details into entirely different things, interpreting everything wrong. It wasn't just his looks, it was everything about him. He was sweet, he was gentle, and at the same time he was outgoing and fun. I would go to school even during the summer if it would mean seeing him every day! It was only 3 days since the last day of school, and I already missed him. Just being with him would make me happy. *** I got on the internet when I got home and added Andrew to my email. I kept my MSN on, hoping he would log on soon. I tried to finish up my homework while I waited, but I was too excited, too distracted. Frustrated, I fired up internet explorer and went to my favorite porn site. It requires a password, which I got from someone over the net. I typed it in, and in a few seconds I was set. I jerked off like crazy, trying to get some release. I was already so horny that it didn't take long for me to cum. It calmed me down a bit, but I was still nervous and excited. I could barely work that night and had to jerk off a few more times just to calm myself down. He didn't log on that night. So it was one pretty frustrating night... *** I was thirteen, and it was already a month into the summer. Since July, I'd made a commitment to make myself lose weight. I wasn't obese, but I wasn't in good shape either. I was overweight. I would look into the mirror and see a fat 13 year old standing at 5'7" and at 175 lbs. I looked at my face and knew that if I could lose some weight, I could really look good. I knew I wasn't ugly... just a little chubby. Nobody likes chubs. So I promised myself that I'd show them. I'd show them all. In Grade 6, one of the boys at school called me 'fatness' and I would promise myself that they would never be able to call me that again. When I was 10 years old, my mom actually yelled at me for being overweight, and all I could do was cry about it. But now I would do something about it. I jogged every morning that I could at 6 AM. Then I lifted the new weights that my dad bought me. And on top of that, I promised myself that I would have a healthy diet. I'd heard somewhere that red meat was really bad for a diet, so I gave up meat altogether for 2 months. By the end of the July, I'd lost 10 pounds. My parents were the first to notice and told me that I looked much slimmer than I had before. It was in August that I had been coming to grips with coming out. Fuck, I was only 13 years old and thinking about coming out. I KNEW that I was gay, that was a certainty to me. For as long as I could remember, I knew that I was attracted to men. It was NEVER EVER the girls that were pretty. I always thought it was the buff men who were the real shit. To me, it seemed kind of 'faggy' to like girls because they were so feminine. It just made sense to me that if you were a real man, you'd be attracted to another guy, even thought I'd been taught otherwise. But the day I found out that the word 'fag' meant to be attracted to another guy, it crushed me. It meant that I was gay. And no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't get myself to be attracted to girls, nor could I see myself being with a girl. It just didn't seem right. Long ago, I'd figured out that I was gay. And now I was no longer ashamed. At first, I just came out to a few girls that I knew. They took it alright. But then, one afternoon, being a naive little idiot, I made the worst mistake of my young life. There were only a few weeks left until high school started. There really shouldn't have been anything to be worried about. I'd been going to the same school for 6 years, and I'd see the same faces since the school went from Grade 3 to Grade 12. The only changes would be getting used to having different classes every hour and wearing the high school uniform. Nonetheless, high school is high school. It was the next big step of my life, and somehow I knew that Grade Nine would be a groundbreaking year of my life. And boy, would I be right. I had no clue what I was getting myself into. It all started with Tom. We were on MSN just chatting as usual. Like I said, there were only a few weeks left till school started and we would be in high school. (By the way, my nickname was father charles). tomppg says: father charles says: tomppg says: father charles says: tomppg says: father charles says: file transfer "pic1.jpg" awaiting response... accepted... file transfer completed... father charles says: father charles says: father charles says: tomppg says: father charles says: tomppg says: father charles says: tomppg says: father charles says: tomppg says: father charles says: tomppg says: father charles says: tomppg says: father charles says: tomppg says: father charles says: tomppg says: When you're thirteen years old, 'yeah man whatever' has absolutely no meaning. *** We never saw Andrew at school ever again. It was like he'd just vanished. Soon we forgot about him, and he was like a ghost in the past. He'd never emailed me or logged onto MSN. Natalie soon forgot about him too. She moved on to other boys, who she always insisted on code-naming and I always insisted that she decode them so that I would know who she liked. First there was Curly Fries, then Hamburger, then Cocaine (because he's so addictive), soon there was Frosty (who turned out to be me), and then just plain Burger (who I later learned was bi), and the list never even stops. When I learned that Natalie liked me as in liked me liked me, I didn't really know what do to. I couldn't fake liking her back, and I didn't want to hurt her feelings, but I really couldn't tell her the truth either. I could not tell her that I was gay. I was only out to a few friends who didn't even go to the same school as me or even live in the same town. It only got worse, though. I found out that almost every single female friend of mine had at one point had a crush on me or still had one. I knew I was cute, but I didn't think that I was stunningly hot or anything like that. I still thought there was more room to improve. How could I tell them that I wasn't interested without outing myself? Well, actually I didn't do anything about it. But it did wonders for my reputation! I guess news that I was 'unreachable' made girls even more desperate to have me. I found it kind of funny though. How could there be so many girls who liked me, but I couldn't like a single one of them? My taste isn't even picky. I've had lots of crushes on guys who weren't even decent-looking to begin with. But they were all straight. That's the price you pay for being gay. *** I was thirteen years old, and already in high school. My first day wasn't the greatest though. The morning turned out okay. I came out to one of my best friends, Arwin. It turned out that he was gay too, which didn't even phase me because he's always acted like a queen. So needless to say, he took it very well. My old teachers all noticed how I'd lost almost 20 pounds. They said that I looked a lot slimmer, and even a little taller. But my new teachers were hell. I left my French textbook in my desk because I wasn't used to having a locker, and the next day I came back and it was gone, so I had to pay $15 to get a new one. Not the best way to start off the first day of high school. The teacher called me an idiot and we moved on. Tom, the guy who I'd stupidly come out to, was still talking to me, but very uncomfortable whenever he did. The only time he did talk to me comfortably was on MSN, and he eventually told me things that made me question whether HE was straight. He told me that sometimes, while masturbating, he'd think about his friends. I guess this could be considered normal... but he assured me that it was only on rare occasions that he would think about his friends. Something happened that year. People started to avoid me. All of a sudden, friends that I'd had for 7 years stopped talking to me. It was absolutely insane. At first I thought that it was a problem with me. Maybe I wasn't treating them well or something. But it was bullshit. One day, a guy in my grade came up to me and told me that the 12th graders were talking to each other and they said they'd heard that I was gay. He asked me if it was true. I didn't deny it. I just didn't answer the question, but rather asked why they would care in the first place. The only person who could've told was Tom. I confronted Tom about this, and he spilled the beans. He'd told everyone. Everyone that he knew. Unfortunately, Graham was his best friend. Graham found out everything, he even found out about my crush on him. We never spoke again. It wasn't because I didn't want to talk to him, it was because he was all weirded out by it, and so were most of my friends. Amazingly, it did get worse. Closer to the end of the year, I found markings on the walls of the school claiming that I was gay and that I was a drug addict (I still don't know where they got the drug addict part from). When I first found them, I was too embarassed to try to erase them. One of my still loyal friends told me about it too, and promised that he would erase it when no one else was looking. He wasn't exactly sure who did it though. It could've been anyone. The whole school knew, and for a school of only 120 high school students, ONE gay student was big news. I only had about 4 loyal friends left by the end of the year, and that did it. I was sick of it. Sick of all the fucked up bullshit. I was tired of the same 25 people every single day, I was tired of my weirded out ex-friends, tired of the stupid bigots, tired of travelling 30 km on the train just to get to school, tired of having no social life because all of my friends lived in different cities. Tired of having no time to do anything while everyone else my age was having the time or their lives. Victoria College did turn out to be, like I said, hell on earth. Though my parents fought against me heavily on the issue, I transferred out of Victoria College. I went to my local high school, Trafalgar Collegiate, and registered myself in for the next school year. For me, Grade 10 would be the start of high school, and the start of a new life. I learned my lesson, the hard way of course, but I did learn it. I was too young. Nobody could understand homosexuality, not at the age of thirteen. And people, regardless of how understanding they are, will not be able to accept people like me. It's just human nature to hate or avoid things that are different or difficult to understand. I learned that I may be gay, but I don't need to go on a gay crusade, advertising my sexuality especially at such a young age. Trafalgar Collegiate would be a new start. A new life, really. Never again would I be so vulnerable, and never again would I allow people to take advantage of the trust I put in them. It was time to leave the past in the past, and think about the future. *** I logged onto MSN to check my email, and finding only junkmail, I deleted my emailss, and just messaged some of my friends on messenger for a while. Apparently, as my friend Chris told me, the guys were placing a bet on the hockey game, and wanted to know if I was in. For the sake of appearances, I said I'd bet on the Leafs, and surprise surprise he was really happy with my choice (you have to understand, if you live in or around Toronto, you gotta love the Leafs or someone will hunt you down). All of a sudden, another message popped up on my screen. The nickname was Ice. Who could it be? Ice says: matt says: Ice says: matt says: Ice says: matt says: Ice says: I'd been to the eaton centre countless times before. Victoria College was located in downtown Toronto, so I went by there almost every day. But those days were gone. Still, I went downtown frequently, I just never went around Victoria College. matt says: Ice says: matt says: Ice says: matt says: Ice says: matt says: Ice says: matt says: Ice says: matt says: Ice says: matt says: Ice says: matt says: Ice says: I was actually blushing by now. A hot guy like him thought I was actually beautiful. matt says: Ice says: matt says: Ice says: matt says: <16> Ice says: matt says: Ice says: matt says: Ice says: matt says: Ice says: matt says: Ice says: matt says: Ice says: matt says: Ice says: matt says: Ice says: matt says: Ice says: matt says: Ice says: matt says: Ice says: matt says: Ice says: matt says: Ice says: matt says: Ice says: matt says: Ice says: matt says: Ice says: matt says: Ice says: matt says: Ice says: matt says: Ice says: matt says: Ice says: matt says: Ice says: matt says: Ice says: matt says: Ice says: matt says: Ice says: matt says: Ice says: matt says: *** Any comments can be sent to dressedtokill41787@hotmail.com You can add me to MSN messenger, my messenger email is dressedtokill41787@hotmail.com I love getting email from readers; it keeps me going and gives me some motivation. So feel free to email me.