A huge thank you to my friend and editor Flip McHooter, you make writing this story that much more enjoyable for me. Also to everyone who had bothered to mail me, you guys rock.
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Copyright ©2013-2015 Black Arrow
The life and times of a teenage Russian spy stationed in the US of A.
Never Have I Ever...
A burning sensation tingled across my chest and on the surface of my lips. It dawned on me then that I had underestimated my brother's ascension into alcoholism. I found myself swaying a bit more to the obnoxious electro-beat that was cascading from the speakers.
The next few minutes thereafter were somewhat of a blur. Justin had taken it upon himself to introduce me to several people I had zero interest in meeting. But I owed him this much for giving me my gateway to interact with Ryan with some level of normalcy. I was the elusive younger brother who everyone had heard of since the cafeteria fight but very few had seen. Sort of like the Loch Nes Monster, or something to that effect.
I was going through the motions of standing idly by as Justin talked to some or other person when I noticed Ryan wasn't where I'd last seen him. I quickly scanned the room and still couldn't find him. That sent me in a liquor induced panic. What if I was too late to act? What if he'd left?
I hadn't noticed until I spotted him that I had broken away from my brother and his groupies in search of the one guy in this entire party that I really wanted to get in my face.
He was nestled near a small cluster of party goers talking to a shorter guy in relatively close proximity. He looked to be into whatever the other guy was saying to him. Something about the way the other guy was laughing and obviously touching Ryan's shoulder elicited a hostile response from me. I didn't like it. He was practically giving him wayward sex eyes.
Ryan spotted me approaching but made no move to distance himself from the other teen.
"He returns!" he announced.
"Yeah, my brother wanted me to meet some people."
"Oh wow, is this your house?" the other guy asked in unconvincing awe. I didn't care, he was suddenly an immediate threat I'd like to get rid of.
I didn't acknowledge him. My singular interest was to get Ryan as far away from him as possible.
"Yes. Speaking of, didn't I promise to give you a tour?" I said to the curly haired stud. I hadn't promised any such thing but I hoped he caught onto where I was going.
He regarded me curiously at first, if not a little bemused. I guess my forwardness was a bit of an adjustment for him. And considering how indecisive I was earlier I couldn't blame him.
"Yeah, I believe you did," he said with a mischievous glint in his eyes. I'd given him my signature `come hither' eyes.
"Great. Let's go." I said pulling him by the wrist immediately with no further dialogue.
The bottom of the staircase was a nightmare to get through but soon after that was smooth sailing. I knew that he was curious as to where I was leading him, literally and figuratively.
I stopped outside my door because I felt like I should announce that he was about to cross the threshold to wonderland. The thing was I hadn't invited anyone outside of my family into my room except Mason.
"This is my room," I said pointing with my thumb.
He had a glassy look in his eyes. A clear indication that he'd had a few but was still completely lucid.
"I figured," he said amused. He was letting me squirm, making me do all the work for a change. I felt to a certain extent this was a test, was I willing to meet him half way.
"Of course you did," I said under my breath but before I could turn the handle he pushed me against the door in an unexpected sloppy kiss. He was a lot more jovial than he was when I last left him. His breath was warm but his touch decidedly cool until I realized that he was absentmindedly spilling his drink on me. I pulled away as soon as I realized.
"What?" he asked with half lidded eyes and slightly puffy lips. He followed my eyes down my shirt and saw the large wet stains sticking the fabric of the shirt to my body.
"Oh shit, did I do that?" he asked chuckling in disbelief.
"Unless you see anyone else around," I quipped.
He looked at me for a few seconds before he broke out into his full throaty laugh, "Consider it payback for leaving me hanging."
Of course he would bring that up.
And this is me making up for it, I thought in response.
I opened the door to my bedroom and switched on the light. Jet cocked up his ears from my bed where he was comfortably curled up and away from the noise.
"Is he friendly?" Ryan asked sounding very apprehensive but still trying to retain his cool demeanor. If I knew a thing or two about human responses, I could recognise fear from a mile away and he was rooted by the doorway.
Something about the situation and the generally harmless mutt made me start breaking out in fits of laughter. There I was trying my hardest to seduce someone else my age for the first time and he was terrified. There's poetic justice for you.
"You think this is funny, huh? Having an eighty pound monster with teeth a mere ten feet away from me?"
He said with a grin across his face.
"I'm sorry. He's harmless...mostly" I said the last part under my breath. He went over to the large dog and offered his hand very carefully. Jet sniffed the palm of his hand and was soon wagging his tail like they were old best friends.
"Traitor," I said walking past them towards my closet.
"Hey, no one is immune to my charm, including your dog." He shot back.
I said nothing and went on to look for a replacement shirt after he ruined this one. This was my second time changing for the night, that hadn't slipped my notice.
"Whoa, Tor wasn't kidding when she said you're world class. How many of these things do you have?" he was looking at the collection of medals and trophies I had adorning the right side of my room. I cringed because I didn't like being lauded. I admit there were a lot, dad built in two extra shelves and it still wasn't enough.
"My parents make me keep `em," he didn't seem to concerned with my indifference but rather busy admiring the silverware I had. I took that as my opportunity to change uninterrupted. He looked at them for a while before asking random questions about some of the bigger ones.
"Wait! You've been to the Olympics?!" he exclaimed in disbelief.
I poked my head out of my closet long enough to see what he was on about.
"No, those were from the Youth Olympics; big difference."
"What's the difference?" he asked unconvinced by my attempt to play down the achievement.
"Only Junior athletes compete," I answered like I'd made a gripping point. In all honesty, to me it was a vital fact. You are only the best, when you compete against the best. Not some sub-division, little-league version. I wanted the real thing. It's all I'd ever wanted...until recently.
"Any junior?" he said arching his brow.
"Well no..." I didn't want go into this any further, in fact I really didn't want any of these in my room to begin with but my parents thought I was just being difficult. I didn't compete to win a prize, I did it for validation. I didn't get that from a round piece of metal attached to a ribbon, no matter what the color.
I went about changing shirts when he called for my attention again.
"I guess this was no big deal either?" he said holding up my vault junior national title.
"Exactly. You're a quick learner," I said giving him a half smile.
"You make me feel like a slacker," he said walking along the wall viewing all the different awards I'd gotten in the sport of gymnastics.
"You like being a slacker," I cut back picking out a v-necked shirt from my closet.
"Yeah well I figure you need some balance in your life. Perfection must be boring... I like to rock the boat a little," he said the last part with a wink.
"Why would I want that?"
"Because you're curious," he answered with confidence.
He nodded as soon as I voiced my question, "About the other side...the other half that doesn't have to live up to anyone's expectations. "
The word resonated somehow with me but I was way too buzzed to consider it to any extent. I thought that was an interesting notion. My life was designed, structured by somebody else. I had very few freedoms to speak of. Gymnastics was a great release and all but what if I wanted more, craved something-different? I knew my thoughts were verging on crossing dangerous territory, which I would normally not have entertained had I been sober.
"Why?" I poked further wanting to see where he was going with this.
"Because we don't care." Only when he whispered the last word did I realize that he had been steadily inching closer to me while we spoke.
We had a moment of intense eye contact while I was attempting to let what he just said sink in. I knew the look he was giving me and it oddly made me feel bashful. He moved from that side of the room and crossed the floor. I broke first and concentrated on getting this obscenely stubborn shirt on but was stopped before I could pull it over my head.
"Let me see you," he whispered less than an arm's reach away. I looked into his eyes and beneath his bad ass exterior was a good guy, way better than the lot I've bedded over the years and knew instinctively that I could trust him.
I lowered my arms and watched his eyes follow them, exploring every bit of exposed skin. From my tight pectorals, the deep ridge between them and down to my abs. I didn't feel exploited, in actuality I felt appraised like a priceless piece of art or like the paintings he had up in his room.
I knew in that very moment that I wanted him to touch me, to feel me. If his eyes alone made my temperature rise, I could only imagine what his artistic hands could do to me. I took a deep breath knowing that the ball was in my court. He had put his cards out on the table twice before, I needed to show him in some way that he wasn't alone in this.
I stepped closer to his lean body, dropped the shirt that had bunched at my wrists and touched his warm beating chest. I almost lost my breath just by feeling how hard his heart was beating. Like we were in sync because mine wasn't far behind his pace. I swallowed and raised my eyes to his and knew that I wasn't undecided anymore.
"I came here with one intention tonight" he said in a breathy voice.
"Get to do this again," he said as our lips met again. His touch was cosmic, out of this world. The sensation could have been made hyper-intensive by the liquor coursing through me or the thick sexual energy in the room but I had a feeling it was neither of those. I felt that I was making a connection with another like I'd never dared to before.
I pushed him back a few feet before he fell back on my bed and I followed soon thereafter, sliding neatly on top of him. His breath was hot on my check, his hands hungry and seeking. He cupped my ass and pulled me closer to his body, as if that was possible considering we were practically glued together at this point.
I sighed, ran my lips down his jaw and kissed a trail from his earlobe down his neck ending where his neck met his shoulder. I'd never wanted someone this bad and I was excited yet terrified that I could feel this way about physical contact. Up until this point, my body, my appeal was a means to an end. A way to disarm the enemy. A weakness of the flesh was a common trait among men. A weakness that my handlers had taught me how to use and exploit thoroughly; taking no prisoners. Yet this was nothing like that at all. This was unique in its nature and different from anything I had ever experienced. It was young, fresh and burning with an innocence I didn't recognize.
I was pulled out of my own paradise by this nagging, dull pressure on my hip bone. I reluctantly broke contact. "What is that?"
He dug into his pocket and pulled out his phone. Rid of the distraction we were at it again with a vengeance. He flipped us over and slowly but steadily began to thrust his groin against me. The feel of his jeans riding up mine was like mini electric charges to my neurons. I kissed him deeper and let his tongue explore the depths of my mouth. The scratch of his stubble was doing things to me bordering on sensory over-drive.
He began to dry hump me harder with more conviction until I couldn't ignore it any longer. I pulled back and looked into his glazed, gray eyes.
"Is that your phone again?"
"No, this" he said before thrusting into me with purpose, "Is definitely not my phone. Touch it." He said raising his hips off me just a bit for me to see the obscene bulge in his jeans. I bit my bottom lip feeling strangely like a virgin for the first time in years.
I must have paused too long because he grabbed my hand in his and slowly guided it past his stomach and then to the unbelievably hot feel of his dick against the restraining fabric. He smiled at me and reflexively thrust into my palm.
In the heat of the moment, we were abruptly brought out of our lust by my door swinging open and Jet giving a startled bark from the corner he was curled up in.
"Oh my God! I'm so sorry. I didn't think anyone would be here," said Jenny looking rather disturbed. After the embarrassment of being caught in a rather awkward position wore off, I could tell she was on the verge of tears. I grabbed my shirt and made to cover myself up, feeling awfully exposed.
Ryan was now sitting up and had one hand covering his crotch. Other than that he looked as cool as he always did like Jenny hadn't walked in on anything.
I cleared my throat, "Ryan, this is Jenny. One of my best friends."
"Hi," Ryan said giving a slight wave using the hand that was previously hiding his boner. This was painfully awkward for me.
"So nice to meet... I think I'm going to be sick!" she said before running out my room and down the hall.
"I'm sorry," I said once she had left the room.
"It's okay. No actually it's a good thing." I must have looked at him with a perplexed expression because he went on to clarify," I don't want our first time to be while we're drunk."
That made me smile," I should go check on her. Don't move."
I walked into the bathroom to find her just sitting on the floor near the toilet bowl, no wrenching sounds like I was expecting.
"Sorry for bursting in on you. I have a screwed up love life and now I'm trying to mess with yours."
It was typical for her to over-exaggerate but now wasn't the time to tell her that.
"It's okay, Ryan doesn't mind."
"He's really cute. You think if I never find happiness he'd mind dating both of us?"
"Now you're gonna make me sick," I said with a half-smile. She had such a quirky personality that you'd never expect someone as lively as her to be friends with someone like me.
"I'll hold your hair if you hold mine," she said finally showing a hint of her perky smile.
"What's going on?" It didn't take an expert in psychology to figure out that something was clearly bothering her.
"He's with some skank. And don't look at me like that, I know she's a skank `cause I went to kindergarten with her."
I pulled a face, not sure what but I didn't know how the two were connected.
"Even back then she used to give all the boys her candy," she finished.
Right. She didn't even have to tell me who she was talking about. This or some derivative of it had been happening for the last year or so. Her are they/ aren't they relationship with Damon was pretty turbulent at times. I'd asked her why she didn't just tell him how she felt and she looked at me as if I was crazy so I stopped offering any advice regarding him.
Besides it baffled me what she saw in him. He was crass, state of the art dickhead and all round pain, but something about him had her on my bathroom floor.
But I thought heck, she's always made me know that she was there for me and if my life were simpler I might have taken her up on that offer. Since I was her primary confidant I owed her one last try.
"What if you told him how you felt?" I said carefully.
"Why you being so stubborn?" I asked in exasperation.
"Because you're being a hypocrite?" she cut back.
"What are you talking about?"
"The same reason you won't tell Mason, you're afraid things would change. That what if it doesn't last? Then you would've messed up a great friendship for nothing."
My eyes darted to the door to make sure Ryan was nowhere near hearing distance and catching some of the crazy she was spewing.
"There's nothing going on between Mason and me." It felt like of late I'd said that same line over a hundred times and it still wasn't penetrating her thick head. I was fond of Jenny, despite myself but when she got on this Mason train she really annoyed the hell out of me.
"And whose fault is that?"
I knew I wasn't going to win this one. Not when she was needing someone else's life to keep her solace. She'd latch on like a leach and avoid the real problem at hand. I wasn't cut out for this but here I was setting up to give the best pep talk could muster because there was a really hot guy waiting for me to get back to my room.
"Okay I'm not gonna speak crazy with you. You're an attractive girl. As long as you keep sober -you're a bright one too. Downstairs are tons of guys desperately looking for someone to make out with. Easy part of being a girl, you don't even have to do anything."
After that it didn't take too much to get her confidence back in place and after fixing her make-up she strutted down like the star she was destined to be. I knew she didn't quite feel the part but I trusted her to fake it until it felt right. She was strong headed. She reminded me a lot of my sister so I knew it wouldn't take her too long to bounce back.
I got back into my room and found Ryan standing and ready. The moment was over but the night was still young. We agreed that it was time to join the rest of the party and that we'd have other opportunities to be alone.
"How's your friend?" he asked as we closed my door and made it down the stairs.
"She's good now, boy trouble," I said with a shrug hoping that would suffice because I didn't want to air my friends laundry.
"Hmm, I could relate. What about it?"
I looked up just to see that he had the mischievous crooked smile on his face to get a reaction out of me.
"Shut up," I said giving him a shove.
We climbed down the staircase feeling all giddy for what we did in my room, it was all very juvenile but that was the fun in it. However, that was short-lived because at the bottom of the stairs standing very close to one another was Mason and Amber.
Somehow I knew this was going to be awkward because Mason and Ryan hadn't met before and I felt oddly put off by him. To make matters worse, I really had a feeling that I wasn't a fan of the redhead he had hanging on his arm.
"There you are!" Mason sighed looking annoyed.
"Did you need something?" I asked not liking his tone or how he was looking at Ryan. He was the one who was pre-occupied earlier, so in my books, he had no ground to be acting indignant.
"You said you'd find me earlier."
"And I did, but you were busy," I said looking at his arm loosely around her waist. He got the implication and dropped his hand.
There were a few seconds of awkward tension before I figured he was waiting for me to do the formal introductions. This was stupid.
Ryan cleared his throat seeming to want me to do the same.
"Mason...Ryan...Ryan-Mason." I said giving a `are you happy now' face. He gave me a hard look waiting for me to elaborate-I didn't. I didn't see how a title exchange was of any significance tonight. I wasn't very pleased with him at the moment and I just didn't want to be subjected to her presence any longer. So the sooner this ended the sooner I could go back to being with Ryan.
Ryan stretched out his hand, "Nice to meet you man."
"Same here," Mason responded stiffly.
"This is my girlfriend Amber," he said which just seemed to be an intentional jab at me.
Girlfriend? When did that happen? Last I heard they were just talking. I gave him a questioning look which he ignored.
I gave Amber a brief smile to be polite and I guess acknowledge her presence since no one had included her in the conversation until this point.
"Nice to see you again Hunter. Nice party you have going here," she said sweetly. I wanted to barf right there.
"Oh no, you have your boyfriend here to thank for all of this," I said stressing the word boyfriend.
This conversation was going nowhere slowly and I wanted to see it ended, "Well I was about to get Ryan a drink so..."
"Cool. I'll go with you," Mason spoke barely masking the hardness he said that with.
"I won't be long," I said to Ryan which he responded by giving me a quick kiss which struck me as a little odd considering the situation. We weren't a couple, so if it wasn't for affection then why did he do it? And then it came to me. Territory, that made me think he's clearly got this all wrong. He must've misunderstood Mason's standoffish behavior for something else. Him and I were never lovers but from what he saw and add the awkward exchange, it wasn't that much of a stretch.
We got halfway to the kitchen and through another crowd of people concealing us from the other two when I couldn't wait any longer, "What is wrong with you?" I asked clearly annoyed.
"Me?" he asked indignantly. He was the one staring down Ryan for no apparent reason. "I'm not the one who disappears for over two hours. No one knew where you were."
"You would've known, if you weren't so busy with your new girlfriend when I came out looking for you."
"Two hours ago, she had just arrived. You make it sound like we were having sex or something. You could have come over."
I hated to admit it but he had a good point. What had stopped me? He even had the nerve to look at me smugly like he'd won something.
I hated the self- congratulatory face he was making so there was no way I was backing down, "Hello, we are in my house. Do I need to check-in? I do know my way around here."
I was actually starting to see things the way an outsider would. Removing myself from the situation, I did begin to wonder why we were both getting so worked up. At this point we were both staring each other down.
"I just don't think it's a good idea to have a senior as your first boyfriend. I mean..." he didn't finish that sentence because of the murderous look I gave him. Firstly he was wrong on both counts; Ryan was not my boyfriend and secondly I wasn't about to take his patronizing lying down.
Instead, I answered coolly, "That's rich! Amber is your girlfriend now? You've known her for what? Three weeks?"
"It's longer than you've known that guy!"
"You know what? I'm not talking to you while you're being like this."
"I'm like this?" he asked incredulously, "No, you're the one being like this!" he hissed back childishly.
"Oh good, you found each other," Tori said as she walked out of the kitchen. She took one look between us and read our faces, Is everything okay here?"
"Yes," we both responded at once.
"Oh-kay, this is weird. I'm gonna leave," she said before walking away from us.
That interruption seemed to dispel our random aggression. I didn't know where that had all come from. Mason and I never fought. Argued yes, but this was a little different that all those other times. Feelings I didn't quite understand were involved.
There was a silence that lingered between us two. I silence that seemed to block out all the noise made by the party around us.
"Sorry," Mason said looking down.
"Me too," I responded and meaning it because I didn't even know what we were fighting for. I think we both felt stupid and so I couldn't hold direct eye contact for any extended period of time.
We got to the kegs and he filled both of our cups. Usually he'd say something to bring things back to normal but he seemed to be conflicted and probably also trying to work out what had just happened.
"Actually, I'm not sorry, "He said out of nowhere. "And you shouldn't be either."
"What?" he'd lost me again.
"We're childhood best friends, we should be looking out for each other. I guess I was a little hard on him but you haven't exactly been very receptive to Amber either."
"Fair enough," I could hear where he was coming from with this and I found that I was agreeing with most of it.
"So we're good?" he asked looking at me with those sincere eyes and a shy smile.
"Always," I said smiling back.
We made some small talk about the great turnout before returning to the other two. After that Ryan and I had worked our way past most of the party goers and were sitting by the pool with him running his free hand in the shiny water thanks to the light. We sat somewhat removed from the base and bustle from the house. Our legs in constant contact as we sat facing each other.
It was great just sitting almost removed from the noise of the speakers and our drunk out of their mind peers. The pool light and water was illuminating his eyes in the dark of the night and so I spent most of the time staring at his handsome face rather than taking part in the conversation. He seemed to be content talking on his own. If he noticed my silence; he didn't say anything.
"So, did you mean what you said earlier?"
"Huh?" I asked sensing I was expected to respond this time.
"You know, in your bedroom about us?"
I knew what he was talking about but now that I wasn't in the confines of my room I had lost my nerve. I just wasn't comfortable with all this yet, I hoped with time, I'd get the hang of it. But it seemed he didn't want to wait for that time to come around.
"That was a while ago. You're gonna have to remind me why I would say such" I said preferring to flirt as a way out of answering his question.
He laughed before closing the gap between us and gracing me with his soft lips again. I don't know if I'd ever grow tired of the feel of his lips on mine. It was so easily intoxicating and tonight he'd made my head light over and over again every time he kissed me.
It was great while it lasted because soon thereafter Jenny showed up with one of the dumbest proposals ever.
"Most of the party has left since its past midnight so I got a great idea. We're all going to play a game. But we need more players so the two of you are joining."
I looked at Ryan already showing my scepticisms at spending our last few minutes of the night playing some stupid game.
"What time do you need to get home?" I asked him.
"Not until another hour and a half," he said in a non-committal kind of way.
I gave him a strange look because that was awfully late.
"What? I have irresponsible parents. That's not my problem," he said with a laugh.
I could still think up a couple other things I'd rather be doing. As it were, he seemed indifferent and I had no real argument against the idea, so we found ourselves seated inside a considerably smaller party circle of maybe ten people. The game was Never Have I Ever.
"Have any skeletons you don't want me finding out? Now is the time to fess up," Ryan whispered to me with that crooked smile of his.
I looked away from him long enough to notice that Mason was going to play since he took a seat on the furthest side of the circle from me. What I found odd was that Amber was still here but wasn't going to take part.
The game started out real pedestrian and timid like they usually do but I could tell that these drunkards were only getting warmed up. Hell, some of them were practically salivating at the foreplay. It seemed people took pleasure out of exposing each other's darkest secrets and masking it behind a drinking game. There's something to be said about adolescence need for self-exploitation or was I reading too much into this?
Little did I know the biggest bout of action would hit me right in the warm up stage. The first few rounds were shots in the dark and lukewarm at best.
Never have I ever...had a three-way.
Never have I ever...slept with a police officer.
Never have I ever...drank while underage.
Everyone laughed at the last one and called the guy a pisser while we all had to take a drink. It wasn't as bad as I would have guessed because I got to sit in close proximity to Ryan. Although we couldn't do much because my brother was there, his hands were very active.
The next round went to a curly headed girl who asked one of the most predictable questions. "Never have I ever kissed anyone in this circle."
People groaned and moaned saying all manner of things about how predictable and boring it was. "Fine, with tongue," she said attempting to up the ante and save face I guess. But that was a loss from the beginning since she seemed like someone who'd hardly ever had her butt felt up.
Ryan and I looked at each other and he tipped his cup at me before downing the remainder of his beer. I did the same and waited for the game to continue. But it didn't.
"Hold on just one second!" Justin shouted in an antagonistic voice. I figured this was him trying to make a show of how his little brother had gotten to first base with a senior, probably an attempt to embarrass me. I rolled my eyes knowing how sorely disappointed he would be. No shame here. Most of these people would have forgotten what went on here anyway.
But that wasn't what he was aiming at, "Three of y'all drank from your cups. I know my math ain't shit but it's pretty obvious either all three of you made out in some twisted three-way or one of you has been around."
And that's the most sobering moment of the night. I saw that Mason's cup was midway leaving his mouth. I'd almost forgotten.
"Spill you fuckers!" said a smug Justin.
This had happened so long ago I had clean forgotten about it. All eyes turned to me and I knew that they had all figured out that I was the obvious link. The only thing these two had in common was me.
I couldn't even turn to see what Ryan's face looked like although I could feel his eyes boring into mine.
"Hey now, my kid brother the playboy! When did you make-out with Mason over there?" he said pointing at a very apologetic looking Mason. He knew I didn't like a spectacle and yet I had instantly become one.
"Come on tell us!"
I knew the rules. I had to share how this happened. But I felt I didn't have to do a damn thing. I didn't even want to play this stupid game to begin with. Questions of how and when circulated and grew in numbers but I would not feed into it. They carried on chanting wanting an answer to satisfy their curiosities.
"This game is stupid," I said before getting up and leaving the group. This was something private and was none of their damn business. I don't care what mediocre law of teenage-hood they had called upon, they wouldn't get anything out of me.
But Mason...he'd talk.